The Venture Bros (2003) s02e03 Episode Script

Love Bheits

We were robbed.
No two ways about it.
I don't know, pop, they won fair and square.
The Impossible family made a really convincing Fantastic Four.
Don't make excuses for your brother.
He blew it for all of us.
Henry Allen Venture, are you hearing this? What do you have to say for yourself? - I am The Bat.
- Yes, yes.
You are The Bat.
And The Bat is the reason we didn't take best group costume, mister.
Again! Last year, it was Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion and The Bat.
And how about the time we were the hard rocking quartet of Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Ace Frehley and The Bat! - The night is mine.
- Sell it somewhere else, Hank.
It's not me you should be apologizing to.
Poor Brock spent a month sewing his group team-appropriate costume.
That's probably why he won best costume? What is that, sass I hear? "Look everybody, Hank's back.
" The re-circulated air on my chest is a bat - What's the matter? - My tongue got caught in the mouth slit.
- Don't stick it in the slit then.
- I can't help it.
It's maddening.
He's here, your graciousness.
Who? Dr.
Venture, your Say it again and it will be your last time saying his name.
Quick! To the science box! - What are you doing? - We'll pass over Ünderland, I'll go around.
What am I, made of experimental super sonic jet fuel? - It's shorter this way.
- It's smaller than Delaware, Doc.
It won't take long.
Let's just play it safe.
Fire off the atomic super magnet! Full power! Prepare yourself to throw the switch on my order.
When they are within range, we shall pluck them from the sky like a gleaming metal peach from a giant blue tree.
My sweet little Rusty.
How many years have I longed for this moment? How many years has it been since college! But now Baron Ünderbheit finally exacts his sweet revenge.
- Sir, we're - No! Say hello to goodbye, Dr.
We've lost control of our engines.
I'm The Bat, I'm The Bat.
What the hell was that? What's up with my fillings? Can't keep her together.
- Lock down auxiliary power.
- Gotta make it to the border.
Chewie, lock down auxiliary power.
Everybody, get in the black box, it's indestructible.
Thank God.
Out of Ünderland.
Ventures, sound off.
Yeah, pretty sure my scoliosis is going the other way now.
- My butt won't stop making a fist.
- At least you have one.
You're blessed with your father's ass, Dean.
Learn to love stadium cushions.
- I told you to lock down on - We don't have auxiliary power! This might get ugly fast, Doc.
Here, take this.
It's loaded with arsenic, gold size standard field issue.
Jeez, can you be anymore dramatic? Ünderbheit's all bluster and you know it.
- Doc, the guy still blames you.
- That crap with his jaw? Never proven.
Come on, it's been 20 years.
- He can't still be mad about that! - Look around, jackass! Not yet.
You still have a chance.
Don't take all of it.
- Or else what? I'll overdose on poison? - I meant, share it with the boys.
Cool! Secret super spiced suicide tooth? Sign me up.
You know what would be even cooler? - Cherry Italian ice tooth.
- Yeah.
What is he doing here? Put them in the holding cells, while I decide how they are to die.
We don't have holding cells here.
No holding? Fine! Then put them in the pantry.
Wait! Leave that one with me.
- Hank.
- Dean.
So, you thought you could keep yourself hidden from Baron Ünderbheit? You're much healthier looking than the others.
So tender, so soft I bet you could use some fattening up.
You'd make a most exquisite dinner guest.
- What? I said, thank you for being my dinner guest.
- How's your timber wolf? - What?! This is no good.
Hang on.
- It's much cozier this way, don't you think? - What have you done with pop? Your father's resting comfortably in a makeshift holding cell.
Soon - What have you done with my brother? - He too is being held in the What have you done with our secret agent bodyguard? They're all in the same place, OK? Please, they're all in your past.
And tonight is about the future.
Eat something, please.
The bounty of Ünderland is yours to enjoy.
Go fish! I'm not fattening myself up for you.
If you're gonna eat me, then you can just deal with the gristle.
Is that why you think I brought you here? That is rich! I will have to tell manservant that one.
And he we will have to laugh.
You're not gonna eat me? Of course not.
I am going to make you the second most powerful person in Ünderland.
- Neat! - So your answer's yes? Not that you have a choice.
Excellent! We will be married in the morning then.
What?! I'm not marrying you! I know, you're worried it won't work out.
It's true I've been married several times before.
Seven, in fact.
They resisted at first too, but they came around, as you will.
It's like I always say hopelessness is the greatest aphrodisiac in Ünderland.
My dear I don't want you on your back this soon.
Wait until after the wedding.
I'd better get this back to the cave and run it through the computer for prints.
Damn it! - What does he want Dean for? - Mental selection.
Single out the weakest of the pack, separate him from the others.
That was addressed to me.
"You and your guests are cordially invited to attend "the unholy union of His Malevolence, Baron Verner Ünderbheit the Fourth "and your daughter Dawn.
"Execution to follow.
" I have a sister? Named Dawn? How long have you been keeping this from me? - Hank, no, I think - Don't defend him, Brock.
You knew about this, didn't you? Does Dean? - What else haven't you told us? - Brock, you speak crazy.
- Do something about him.
- Hank, Baron Ünderbheit Good grief, you're right, Brock! This is just what he wants for us to turn on each other.
And I played right into their hands.
Damn it! How are you? The Wallflower! So we meet again.
No, no, Wallflower had that thing on his head.
Lamest villain ever.
- You're Dr.
- Who the hell wants to know? So it is true! You are in Ünderland.
This is a rescue, come.
Follow me.
I'm so excited, I can hardly sleep.
She's just so unlike the others.
Such spunk, und her disdain for me it's sweeter, somehow.
I don't know, what do you think? Please, Manic 8-ball, tell me now! I've been burnt by love before.
Will this marriage be a success or not? Why do you torture me so? At least tell me she'll last longer than the others.
I knew it! I had a feeling about her.
Tell me, my fallen advisor! Just one more thing and I promise I won't ask any more.
Will I have a boy? You've made your Baron a happy man! Und to reward you, I grant you your release for one hour so that you may come to the wedding.
Here we are.
Colonel Catclops can hardly wait to meet you.
Welcome comrades to the Ünderground.
- I usually do my own hair.
- Don't be too proud of that, honey.
What are you conditioning with, kerosene? Touchy.
I can't work my magic if you don't work with me, honey.
Oh, my God! Look at this.
She's got an ass like a twelve year old boy.
I'm so jealous.
No wonder the master likes her.
No I didn't! You.
You're cruising for an execution, girlfriend.
Honey, I have seen seven Baronesses come and go and they all say the same thing.
The master likes playing the back nine at Augusta.
Well, I'm done here, gotta get cracking on the gown.
Girl, you are going to look spectacular.
Love and light, bitch.
- How come you don't have an accent? - Honey, I'm from Detroit.
I guess your experimental super sonic flying laboratory crashed too, huh? No, I wanted to go somewhere exotic for junior year abroad.
And I was mad at somebody.
I didn't mean to Ancient history, sweetie, you didn't know.
Now, lets get you into the tub and see if we can't scrub some of the the hoi polloi off you.
We want you Holy Golightly not Eliza Doolittle.
I'm a eunuch, honey! You think Ünderbheit would let another pair of balls near his wife? Trust me, even when I had them, you've got nothing I'm interested in.
Rooster in the henhouse! I'm fixed, what's your excuse? Do you have Prince Albert in the can? Well, you should get him out of the can so that he can breath maybe.
Needs work.
You've gotta sell it.
This is the nerve centre of the Ünderground, gentlemen.
From here we launch our relentless campaign of sabotage, subterfuge and psychological warfare.
These are some of the bravest men in Ünderland.
They have to be.
The penalties for treason are dire indeed.
I'm proud to say we've only lost one man to date.
Crazy SOB tried to take on Ünderbheit by himself.
He was caught trying to dip his hand in warm water while he slept.
To make him pee? Classic! Exactly.
Ünderbheit saw it coming a mile away.
That was close.
- Well, did it work? - Yeah, it was perfect.
- Atta girl! - You should have seen it.
We struck again tonight, should I tell them? - Let me.
- OK.
We planted a cat hair in the Baron's water glass.
Is that a scream or what? That will show the bastard.
Trying to blow us up? I don't think so! These people deserve their crappy country.
You call yourselves a resistance movement? - We pick our battles.
- Yeah, we take it where we can get it.
Now that you are here to rescue us none of this will be necessary any more.
So, what time are we flying out? What the hell are you talking about? Rescue you? - We were the ones in prison! - In pantry, technically.
You haven't come to rescue us? Then why did you bring the bat person? - And Chewbacca Wookie? - Oh, my God! Look, we were in a costume party, our plane crashed.
If we don't storm Ünderbheit's castle at dawn, he's gonna marry Doc's son.
Not me.
So are you with us or are you wasting our time? Slow down there, Andretti.
Storm the castle? What are we, crazy? Slow and steady wins the race.
We're out of here.
Just a second, Seabiscuit.
You've seen our secret headquarters.
We can't just let you leave.
What are you gonna do? Put sugar in our gas tank? Yeah, OK, you go ahead.
- Nice buns.
- Didn't see that one coming.
You're really not gonna tell on me? Of course not.
Us girls have to stick together, right? I think we own the Baron for a couple of things.
- Four between us.
- Stop it, you terrible boy.
You just play your part, sweetie, we're gonna call some friends first.
It's time, my Baron.
How do I look? I can't stop pocking the slits with my tongue, it's maddening.
Be happy for the slits.
The old masks were much worse without them.
You would pass out.
You have no idea what that means, do you? Sure I do.
You're just having fun with your hands, aren't you? No.
All right, we're outnumbered, but we have the element of surprise on our side.
Doc, you're useless in a fight.
Just stay behind us.
Hank, remember your lessons from the judo room.
Follow my lead and make sure that you leave one alive for questioning.
- You got it? - My plan would have worked.
- You got it?! - Yes, sir.
- So much for the element of surprise.
- Maybe not.
- Brock, questioning? - That's the one.
Who are you working for? We know that part, Hank.
Like this.
Where's the wedding being held? Talk! Go ahead! The pain will be nothing compared to what the master will do to me if I betray him.
This is still nothing compared to what the master - What? - Nothing.
No, what? Well I I don't know how to tell you this but I I feel a - A lump.
- Are you serious? Yeah you I'm so sorry, man.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
- Yeah, I just feel awful.
- How do you think I feel? Yeah, maybe we should I must go to my wife.
Yeah, yeah.
You should do that.
Hey, look, I know it's a bad time to ask and all, but The wedding? Yeah.
Yeah fine, I don't care anymore.
It's in the observatory another flight up through this door.
Hank?! What? I didn't get to do anything.
Damn it.
What now? I'll come back for you.
Hank, no.
You gotta sit tight while I figure out a way out of this.
It's OK, Brock.
I know I was mixed up before but now I'm groovy.
I'm going ahead with the mission.
Lock and load.
- It's not a gun, Hank.
- Whatever.
He's got an entire army, Hank.
They won't be expecting one lone warrior.
It's just crazy enough to work! - Talk to your son, Doc.
- Boy, listen to your bodyguard.
Pop, you once spent weeks in your lab.
You were all alone without sleep or food, trying desperately to isolate the gay gene.
And I know you.
If it wasn't for all the protestors and the hearings you would have found it and destroyed it.
And why? To keep stuff like this from happening.
And Brock do you want Ünderbheit to come and live with us? Do you really want to be that big jerk's, pardon my French that big jerk's bodyguard-in-law? Hank, no.
It's suicide.
Then I'll see you in heck! Thank goodness, Hank's going to save us all.
What are you so worried about? I can make another one.
Hey, maybe he'll surprise us.
He does get that kind of retard strength when he's all worked up.
Help! Dr.
Venture! You decided to attend the wedding after all? I'm afraid you won't be able to give the bride away, however because we're already married.
Hey, pop.
Hey, Brock.
You OK, Hank? Caught my tongue on my mask.
May I present to you the eighth Baroness of Ünderland, the I just realized I don't know your name.
It's Dean! Dean Venture.
And stop getting all big hands on me.
Dean? Nein, nein, this is not the name for a Baroness.
That's because he's not a Baroness.
He's not even a woman.
He's right, I'm not a woman.
I'm a boy science adventurer, like my father before me.
What I wouldn't give for those.
In the name of Ünderlaw.
I demand that you arrest Baron Ünderbheit.
Catclops, so you survived? Wait a minute the cat hairs in my water! Of course! Same sex marriage is illegal under Ünderlaw, Ünderbheit.
- Well, say that five times faster.
- I'm pretty sure that kid's underage, too.
Well I'm not sure that's illegal.
Anyway, it's over.
Betrayer! You will pay.
Mess with the cat and you get the clops.
Yeah, you mess with the Girl and you get the Hitler.
Marry me.
Welcome to Michigan, Agent Samson.
That's Brock Samson, that's who that is.
Doctor Venture, wait.
We wanted to thank you.
The Ünderground has all decided we shall give you this.
It is the highest honor Ünderland can bestow upon an outlander.
But if you're trying to butter me up for a ride No, Dr.
Venture, Ünderland is free now.
We're all going to stay.
Und found a democracy, we even picked our president.
Listen, I'm flattered.
Girl Hitler.
Really, I'm happy for you, honey.
A girl president? How progressive! And a Hitler.
Boy, things are really looking up.
Go Team Venture! So, what will happen to Ünderbheit now? Well, we really want to soften the image of Ünderland, so we can't execute him.
So my first official act as President is to banish the prick.
You know, I'm right here.
You don't have to talk about me.
We found these when we raided the royal vaults.
- I think they're yours.
- No, you didn't.
Goodbye, Ventures.
Walk with God.
Come back and visit us sometime! You're always welcome in Ünderland.
Don't anybody get up or anything.
Could I maybe, crash here for a little bit? Just got divorced.
¡Qué sopa más buena
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