The Venture Bros (2003) s06e04 Episode Script

Rapacity in Blue

[Alarm beeping.]
Good morning, handsome! It's you! - 7:00! Time to get up - Ugh.
- and start that day! - Not this again.
It's the 12th! You have three more days till the Science Now conference to unveil O.
Sparkle Dream.
- O.
Sparkle Dream? Idiot.
- So, here's today's to-do list.
One hug Sally and remind her how dang special she is.
- Two take little rocket for a walk in the park.
- You're dead.
You can stop now.
- Three get out of bed and go - Oh, my god.
- make a difference in the world! - How many of these did you record? - Four get that operating system - Can't take it.
- bug-free and user-loving.
- It's like Casper gets up at 7:00 every morning.
Just three more days till that conference.
Have a scientastic day! That's my line! You stole my thing! I got to figure out how turn that alarm off.
6x04 - "Rapacity in Blue" [Sizzling.]
Ah, working 'round the clock.
How's my build team? - What do we got for me? - Breakfast burrito? They're awesome! But they taste a little bit like rubidium chloride.
Ah, so that's what you've been working on, hmm? I love it.
We'll have to militarize it, of course slap on a coat of Venture blue and call it the Zip-a-rounder.
- It's called a Segway.
- Mm.
I like it.
But Zip-a-rounder has more pop, more pizzazz.
No, it's already called a Segway, 'cause it was invented a long time ago.
Doc, you got to get up on this stuff.
Super science has changed since you were last vital.
Oh, I'm vital, Billy.
Guess who's been invited to the Science Now conference? Weren't you banned from that conference 'cause you showed a vacuum cleaner that leaked radiation? That it immediately cleaned up because it was that good of a vacuum? Yes.
But they know a good thing, and I'm a good thing.
So, what are you gonna present? Well, that's why I'm down here! You tell me! Wow me! Stick your finger into my ear and tickle my brain.
Reach right up my ass and grab my heart.
I-I could've lived without that last one.
Girlfriend: Well, if you stop harassing Venture and, baby, I mean, like, stop even talking about it I can get you bumped up to a level 8 at the meeting tonight.
Good, right? Sweetie? Right? Come on! Let's just do it.
It would be awesome.
This is your damn birthright! Stop.
My wife is watching me like a hawk after that little stunt Copy-cat pulled on me.
Let's just turn this hole into the Monarch's Egg sac and impress the Guild.
Ohh, just wait till they see my Egg sac! The Egg sac, besides being the single worst name for a secret lair, isn't gonna cut it.
Then what's your great idea, hmm? Put on these halloween waiter outfits and be good guys? No! Well, yes.
If we become Blue Morpho and Kano, we could take out every villain arching Venture, leaving who? Us, yes to be Venture's only arch villains! I'm never gonna be a good guy.
I'm a villain! I shower in this cowl.
I laugh at regular jokes like this.
[Cackles maniacally.]
I'm a super villain.
My dad wasn't.
So, no.
Blue Morpho wore this villain mask! He was all sinister and stuff.
You saw the comics! Oh, yes, the same comics that never mentioned he had a kid.
Ironclad historical document that ended with my dad giving fruit pies to troubled teens.
I am not a good guy.
I'm making this place into an Egg sac.
Manolo: Seòor Monarch, sir, your wife is coming downstairs.
Run! Move! Go! Come on, with pep! Honey? Where's my kiss goodbye? Hello? What happened to you? You just [shelf slams.]
Uh, s-step, step, quick-quick, step.
Step, step and tan-go close.
Oh! Uh, sweetie! Hi! We were just, uh, tangoing, because, um Because of our training routine.
A good villain/henchman relationship is a dance of death.
Okay, well, I'll mention your progressive training when I present your case to the Guild tonight.
Tonight? Tonight is date night.
I told you a week ago I'm gonna be on meteor majeure.
- I can't - Space meteor? Convenient excuse.
I mean, if date night doesn't mean that much to you Oh, sweetness.
If you want me to cancel, I - No! Uh - Oh, no, it's cool.
- Um, no, it's fine.
- We've got a lot to do.
[Horn honks.]
A-All right.
That's my ride.
You sure you don't want me to stay? Yeah, yeah, no, the Guild needs you.
Don't Don't you worry about me.
Okay, sweetie.
I'll see you in a few days.
You may have spread that frosting just a little thick.
Yeah, Mr.
Quick-think? Maybe I should've danced with her, huh? I laid it on just thick enough.
Ugh, I hate that she works with that clown.
"I'm Phantom Limb.
Oh, don't mind if I touch your ass.
" [Scoffs.]
That dingus! Bye-bye, you asshole.
I hate you, too.
[Tires squeal.]
- All right, she's gone.
- To the Egg sac! - Ugh.
See? - Yeah, yeah.
It does sound kind of "ew"-y.
Hank: Now, I'm sure you see me as a lady-killer, Dean a guy who knows his way around smooching and also touching bathing-suit areas of women.
Uh, not really.
The sexual tiger-boy you see is a ruse, Dean.
Sure, I'll say it I have the confident swagger of a bounder.
Girls find me something of a mystery.
- But I can't help that.
- What's your point, Hank? Okay, I have a date coming up, and I don't want to blow it.
I need some advice on how to, uh satisfy? You're asking me? I-I don't [sighs.]
- W-Why don't you ask pop? - I did.
I learned nothing.
Oh, no, wait.
I learned that he carries pamphlets on the dangers of chlamydia in his wallet.
The Whisper Washer! A completely silent washing machine.
Pro silent washing machine.
Con it's it's a washing machine.
Yeah, no appliances.
Already went down that road.
Dead end.
Behold, Shuffle Dynamism! Pro free power in any building.
Con everybody has to wear magnetic booties and drag their feet on a special floor.
And it's very loud, and your lawyers informed me that it's actually slave labor.
- We can work around that.
- And it generates enough power - to run maybe a small pencil sharpener.
- Nice work, White.
Billy? How many of you like to kick back with a cold one? - Show of hands.
- Billy, this isn't the meadowlands.
[Clears throat.]
The Prometheus Drug! The super-cool name is the first pro.
The second pro is that it can regenerate a liver.
Well, now we're talking! Regrowing a liver? Billy! Ka-Ching! Any cons? Oh, yeah.
Sadly, after it regenerates your liver, it just keeps making livers.
I got a bucket of mice that exploded from growing multiple livers.
You know, the real con is that I'm getting sick - of blowing mice up.
- You guys, what do you have now? The conference is in days.
What works? Washing machine.
God Gas.
God Gas worked.
God Gas? I'm chubbing up already.
Well, it's temporary stimulation of the temporal lobe via a gas introduced to the orbital cortex through the old factory connections.
- So, you have? - A way to activate the temporal lobe into having pseudo-religious visions, maybe? Or and don't act like you haven't thought of this.
- You know what I'm thinking.
- Yes.
Okay, yes! It could be considered that.
But that's - Say it, Billy! Be a man! - You're reaching! That's a praxis misapplication.
No way.
What are you guys talking about? What is it? Both: Mind-control Gas! You guys are so cool sometimes.
Mind-control Gas.
So good.
Make it.
Dude, what are you doing in your geek cloak? - We got to paint the Egg sac.
- Before you do, there's something down there you must see alone.
- [Sighs.]
What's down there? - Only what you take with you.
Oka all right, come on.
S-Show me this stupid thing.
Your purple paint and brush! You will not need them.
This better be good.
He has much anger in him, like his father.
#24: Was I any different when you taught me? He is not ready.
All right.
What is this crap? [Static.]
scan head records as the tape whizzes by at 7.
5 inches per second, giving close to 200 lines of resolution all in a package so small, it fits into your car's trunk.
With civilian technology like that, we'll be out of a job soon.
[doorbell rings.]
Well, you will.
I'm no super-scientist.
You've read the papers.
I'm "unhinged.
" That's what I love about ya and what everybody hates about ya.
"Vigilante!" "Bad guy!" [Doorbell ringing.]
Ah, let 'em think what they want.
Then I'm a bad guy.
Ha! There, I said it.
Watch it there, blue baby.
That's now on VTR tape.
The Blue Morpho is a bad guy! [Click.]
Wow, that's amazing! Right?! I told you! What's on the rest of this? Oh, you do not want to know! #24: Oh, yes, he does.
Oh, yes, I do! Blue Morpho: Groovy! Our arch enemies are here.
Blue Morpho, it looks like some evildoers have entered our lair.
Oh, we're in for it now, Jonas.
- And they appear to have a growth ray! - Go Team Venture.
Monarch: Oh, my God! They are not my mommy! No! I-I am like 80% positive that is Jill St.
John and Stella Stevens.
[Mice squeaking.]
- Well, did it work? - Uh, I'm not sure.
How can you tell if a mouse is prone to religious thinking or is susceptible to suggestion? - Why are we doing this? - I don't know, to see if they die or grow another head or something.
I think that one's lonely.
Should you write that down? Uh, yeah, Dean, I'll just write down, "drug may cause loneliness in mice.
" Anything else? Well, the one in the back might be mad at that one over there.
- They won't look at each other.
- Why are you down here? I don't have class till 1:30, and Hank is following me around looking for advice on how to score with women.
Do you know anything about that? If I did, would I be down here? Okay, so, she's ready, and I'm going in for the kiss.
- Is it eyes closed or eyes open? - Your eyes open, her eyes closed.
- There's a little trick to that.
- What if I have to pee? Hank, let's just assume that you have an empty bladder.
"Use bathroom beforehand.
" "Make sure fly is up.
" All right.
So, I'm going in, eyes open.
Just go in slow, like this like a cobra, ready to strike.
- She'll close her eyes even if you don't.
- Oh, that is awesome! Cobra.
Got it.
[Watch beeps.]
What's up, Hatred? We got a code green down here.
Backup requested.
Code green? Who's the hostage? That would be me.
[Gun cocks.]
[Mice squeaking.]
Monarch: 21 comes back, I lose the cocoon, I find the cave, my dad might not be a good guy, and it all feels like it's meant to be.
But then my wife wants me to rise in the Guild ranks, and I don't want to let her down, you know? You know, I'm not Mr.
Feeny from "Boy meets world.
" I don't really care about this.
Do what you want.
Wise advice.
But what do I want, Manolo? That is the ques [cellphone rings.]
Hold on.
Hi, sweetness.
Baby, did you ever fill out form 382-R like I asked? And you got to submit the form dash 23 dash 82.
It's an extension.
You can't do the normal one needs to be as an extension.
Yeah, I'll, uh I'll fax those right to you.
All right.
Thanks, sweetie.
Just e-mail them.
Okay, I got to go.
This isn't mine.
Whose suit is this? You're kidding me, right? [Scoffs.]
Form 23 dash screw it.
I'm the Blue Morpho! - Thank you, Manolo.
- Sí.
Whatever, Mr.
So wise, Manolo.
Whatever indeed.
[Australian accent.]
I am Haranguetan! I am here to bring the unfortunate Dr.
Venture pain! - Are you Dr.
Venture?! - I'm the guy between you and Dr.
Now, why don't you let the old man go and try to get by me? Oh, I accept your offer.
To your feet, old man! How old do you guys think I am? Look at the way you quake in fear, clinging to your final days like a fat insect.
Pathetic! Now strike me! [Laughs.]
- It's not loaded.
- Neither is this.
Strike me if you dare.
Oh, please.
I've wiped bigger turds than you.
- Let's see your moves.
- I smell your fear.
Now, strike me! [Birds honking.]
Ugh, little men.
[Shouting in distance.]
Just look at them.
Pyrois, Aethon, ride! [Birds honk.]
- What are you waiting for? - For you to strike me.
Let's go.
Make that last mistake.
Right here, as hard as you're able.
You gonna stop talking, take a swing, or what? Here it is laid before you.
Strike me.
Strike me like a man.
- What are you look, lady, that was mine! - Oh, please! You two would've been pissing testosterone at each other till the cattle of Geryon came home.
You can't just fly in and do that.
There's, uh there's, like, a code.
I heed not your bro code.
Justice has no gender.
I'm pretty sure it's a blind woman, actually.
Oh, powerful Heracles, do you wish to strike me? - You want to hit me, lady? - Are you afraid to be felled by a woman? You afraid of a little man like me? - Oh, let's go.
- I'm right here! What are you doing? What do you mean? I'm gonna paint these things to look like eggs.
I just gave up.
The Egg sac.
You win, dude.
Put down the paint.
We're going with your idea.
Really? Oh, you want to pile all this crap up and climb it like the aggro-crag? No, no, the good idea.
Kano, it's time to suit up! Aw, hell yes, it is, Blue Morpho! Announcer: The new adventures of Blue Morpho and Kano.
The Monarch, a down-and-out super-villain, claims his birthright as the Blue Morpho, who may or may not be a good guy.
Along with his faithful bodyguard and chauffeur, Kano, who isn't actually an Asian.
Their mission to beat up on villains that beat up on Dr.
Venture till they alone beat up on Dr.
- This doesn't fit at all.
- Nope.
Too roomy.
Using skills taught to him by his high-school home economics teacher, Mrs.
Althen, Kano makes key alterations to their costumes.
Does it bunch up in the seat? - No, it's cool.
- Cool.
To the morpho mobile! ['60s-style theme music plays.]
[Engine revs, tires squeal.]
[Mice squeaking.]
[Door opens.]
Oh, Brock, there you are.
Okay, so, I've been thinking.
Let's say she has on a sports bra, right? No hooks! How can I get one of those things off? You want to know what to do? You do nothing.
You just stand there like a jackass.
Let her get right up in your face, and just stand there.
- And then let Hatred get hospitalized.
- Mm-hmm, right.
Wait, is the hospital, like, a metaphor, like, for kissing? Hank, I don't know! I don't know anything about getting a woman to understand that her freaky muscles and obnoxious personality are a huge turn-on, and that all you want to do - is bend her over and drive - Okay! Okay! I get it! Only lady body-builders use sports bras.
Point taken.
Monarch: Don't take the Lincoln Tunnel! It's rush hour! Take the Triborough.
#21: Idiot, that goes to Queens! I'm the chauffeur.
Let me chauff.
Then the George Washington or whatever.
Don't take the Lincoln Tunnel! [Horns honking.]
Yes, yes, beep at us.
Beep at the car that can shoot rockets from its trunk.
Smart! Chill, chill.
Let's just go over our plan.
Here's my plan.
I'm gonna rocket that tool behind us.
All right, according to Guild activity report, some guy named Haranguetan good name is arching Venture all day, so he's our mark.
He's a dead man.
And they'll blame the Blue Morpho! Dude, you look like the Monarch going to a "Mad Men" party.
- You got to trim the beard.
- It took me 20 years to grow this! This is how they know the Monarch is here! Yeah, exactly! That's my exact point.
Yeah, and these things have gotten too trendy anyway.
Give me your knife, will you? I'll donate it to locks of love.
[Mice squeaking.]
Quizboy: The effect lasts about an hour.
The subject will have a heightened sense of awe - and, uh, religious visions.
- And? Come on, Billy.
I need my Mind-control Gas.
Got to have it.
Okay, and be more susceptible to suggestion.
But hydrochloride as a dopamine antagonist is really Blah, blah, blah, chemistry, blah.
Check out my delivery system.
It looks like a cool gun and can shoot a blast of that crap almost 15 feet.
And it has the Ven-Tech logo on the stock.
Look, Doc, we really need more testing.
The mice are, u-uh, on fire! I am so sick of killing mice! Nice.
The conference is in a couple days.
We need to move on to human testing.
Doc, be real.
Where are we gonna find someone willing to take an untested mind-control drug? [Watch beeps.]
Doc, just stay in the basement.
That Haranguetan guy is back.
I'm gonna go pound his face in.
Just hold him there.
I need him.
What? It's totally within the rules of this kind of stuff.
All right, we got to be quick! Those parking meters are crazy.
Right? $3.
50 an hour is outrageous! [All panting.]
- Good, you didn't hurt him.
- No, I I think his ribs.
But, uh, no biggie.
What's going on? Just put him on the ground and back up.
Billy is going to subdue him with my new Mind-control Gas.
I drew the short straw again.
I'm, uh, sorry about this, Mr.
Oh, God! [All coughing.]
Okay, that's not supposed to happen.
White, you idiot! What was that? What's happening? You are my slave.
You will do my bidding.
I am your master.
You will do as I command.
You are my slave, and I your master.
Demon! Spawn of hell! - I cast you to oblivion! - Please.
Save me, Rusty Venture, boy adventurer! Save me! [Haranguetan screaming.]
Brock? Get back here! I'm coming for you! - What the hell was that about? - Who cares? Let's just do this before that freak messes up Venture.
Only I get to do that.
Brock, come back! There's a bad guy in my lobby! What is going on? Back into hell, demon spawn! Drop the little boy, Haranguetan, or suffer the consequences.
It's Blue Morpho and Kano from the Rusty Venture show! Save me! Kano, use your karate stuff on him.
Aah! [Whimpering.]
[Screams, grunts.]
You're all safe now, little uh, citizen.
- And you can thank the Blue Morpho! - Thank you, Blue Morpho.
I recognize you.
- I-I know who you are.
- No, you No, you don't.
I'm the Blue Morpho.
Always been the Blue Kano, let's get the hell out of here! Dude, I'm like 90% sure I just punched a guy to death.
Your secret is safe with me, Blue Morpho! My bodyguard is in there.
I'm not some punk.
I'm Dr.
Ven Hey, hey, this is rayon.
It rumples.
Oh, yeah? Next time you trespass on private property, wear something else.
- Need a hand getting up, citizen? - Oh, thank you.
I was What the You can't be.
You're The Blue Morpho! Man: Sir! Sir, this is a restricted building.
I need to see an I.
You have to go, sir.
You don't [gags.]
[thudding on door.]
Oh, Heracles.
What an unwelcome surprise.
And you brought me a corpse.
How thoughtful.
Your beauty is your strength, and I submit to it.
Take me, and let me know what it's like to be with a woman.
There is nothing in this world but your power and me, the only man who can see it.
Let me worship at your altar.
Let me know the pleasure of a real woman.
I'm gonna tire you out, brave Heracles.
Break you upon my wheel.
- What was all that about? - You're asking me? I hid in the corner till all I could hear was Billy crying.
Mind-control Gas, my ass.
Now I have to unveil O.
Sparkle Dream at the Science Now conference.
Or we could rename it! You know, God Gas? Okay, yeah, that might work.
But instead of a gun, it could be an aspergillum! - Those little pope water-shaker things? - Exactly! What are you doing? Nothing.
And your secret is safe with me Blue Morpho.
[Monarch laughs.]
That was the most fun I have ever had! You called everybody "citizen"! Classic! - Yeah, it sucks about the car, though.
- But that could've been avoided - if you'd just put more money in the freakin' meter.
- I had nothing! This costume has like three nickels from 1965 in the pocket.
Everything will be fine.
Don't worry about it.
Just bask in the glory of us kicking ass.
- Oh, look who's home.
- Oh! Uh, step, step [vocalizing.]
- Knock it off! - Quick-quick, step okay.
I felt so bad that I missed date night that I took the first shuttle back.
And I come home to this.
- Wait, now, n I can explain! - No need.
- I know what's going on.
- No, there there's a good reason we're dressed like this.
I'm not an idiot, Monarch.
I know why you're in suits.
I know why you trimmed your beard.
You went out on date-night with 21 to spite me.
And that's the reason! Yeah, e-exactly that.
I-I-I feel so ashamed, honey.
Yeah! Monarch: Chirp!
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