The Villains Of Valley View (2022) s01e03 Episode Script

The Villain Experience

And this one time
I made a hundred clones of myself
so I could rob a hundred banks at once.

Yeah, it was all fun and games
until one of his clones got weird
and forced us to call him Papa.

What about that time
I used my sonic scream
to distract Captain Valor
so Jake could crush him with a boulder?
That sounds violent.

It was.

So where was Colby
while you're all off doing
those horrible things?
With the babysitter.

Wait, supervillains use babysitters?
Okay, fine.
We left them
home to play with the rats.

I'd say I'm horrified.
from what I know about you
that's pretty on brand.

Hearing these stories just reminds me
that I never got to be a villain.

I've waited my whole life to get a power
so I can prove that I'm not
just the run of the family
and now I will never even get a chance
to fight with the rest of you.

Yeah, that's rough.

Who wants to do a puzzle?
If you're trying to find
a new look, that ain't it.

I was looking for a clean pair of socks
in the laundry and this happened,
the dry Texas heat wave
must be affecting my electrical power.

Static electricity.
All You Need Is Love?
Hartley, how did your
shirt get in our laundry?
That's not mine.

It could be anybody's.

Eva, you better get cleaned up.

I ran into our neighbor
Tennyson at the store.

He said he's gonna swing by with
a housewarming cheese platter.

Why would you let a complete stranger
invite himself into our house?
Were you not listening?
Free cheese.

You can't say no when Mr.

Tennyson wants to visit.

He's head of the neighborhood watch
and he checks up on everyone
who moves in around here.

Then we better be careful.

We don't wanna make
him suspicious about us.

Don't worry.
We'll let him
We'll take his cheese
and then we'll send him on his way.

And then we'll tell him
we're gonna return his plate
but we never will.

Now that right there, that's weird.

Relax, Jake.
We know how to act normal.


Well, save me some cheese.

- Hey, what are you up to?
- Shh.

Let's see.
What else
can I shapeshift into?
Oh, I know.

Stand back, superheroes,
or I'll chainsaw you,
as soon as I learn how to
pull my own starter cord.

This is lame.

I wish I could be a real villain.

Poor kid can't even pull his own cord.

I feel so bad for him.

He never even got a
villain name or a suit.

Aw, listen to you thinking about
someone other than yourself.

I have to do it every once in a while
to make the selfishness pop.

You know, all he wants
is to be a villain.

There's got to be a way
we can make that happen,
- even for a day.

- Look, I feel bad too
but we're on the run so we can't.

Hey, at least he's not sitting
around playing with the rats.

Is that you, old friend?
Yeah, we got to help this kid.

It's good thing I'm here to help you
get ready for Mr.
Tennyson's visit.

I found your weird
devices all over the house.

Yeah, I don't feel safe
without a face melter handy.

I got two next to the toilet.

These things melt faces?
Everyone but this one.

It's out of batteries.

Hey, do you have any
batteries I can borrow?



Now everything around
here looks presentable.

That hair is
even too big for Texas.

I got rid of the laundry.

And now the dryer is
affecting other things.

You know what? I'm sure we
can fix it with some hair gel
or a bucket of hair gel.

Or forget the gel and
just go with a bucket.

It's not just my hair.


Isn't your power to control electricity?
Usually I can, but when
the weather is this dry,
everything I touch gets
a huge static shock.

On the plus side, I can roast
a chicken with my bare hands.

- Oh, he's here.

- Okay.
I can fix this.

I'll go to the lair and
create a microclimate machine
that can add humidity to the air.

So a humidifier?
No, a microclimate machine.

What's the difference?
This one will have more buttons.

So this is my big surprise?
School on a Saturday.

I canceled plans with
Randy the Rat for this.

I'm out of here.

Halt, evil doer.

It is I, The Honorable Captain Valor,
and I'm here to make you pay
for your villainous crimes.

Hey, Jake.

How did you know it was me?
Same shoes, lame costume,
and I never met him before but
I'm pretty sure Captain Valor
doesn't wear Harry Styles cologne.

He might.

- Jake, what is this?
- It's what we talked about,
Colby's villain experience.

Well, who gave you total
control of the planning?
- You did?
- You literally said
take care of it.
I don't wanna do
- any of the work.

- Yeah.

That does sound like me.

What do you mean my villain experience?
We knew you were bummed about
never getting to be a villain,
so Jake and I wanted to give you a break
from your otherwise pointless life.

And congratulations, Colby.

You just completed
your first villain deed,
breaking into private property.

The door was unlocked.

We just opened it and walked in.

I mean, that's not even
breaking and entering,
that's just entering.

Well, the cleaning
crew just went on break.

So time for us to have some fun,
ooh, but not too much fun,
we don't wanna make a mess for them.

I'm going home to play with the rat.

No, Colby, wait.

We brought you here to be a villain.

So go ahead.

Knock this clown on his butt.

Really? I could take all my years
of frustration out on Jake?
And you can take some of mine, too.

What can I shapeshift into
that'll hurt him the most?
A rocket launcher? Or a flame thrower?
A picture from his leather pants face.

You know what? Why
talk about hurting him
when we could just do it?
Amy, you're supposed to let him do it.


I'm not sorry.

So if we're gonna play that game.

How about a little villain training?
Since you've ever been
in a battle before,
here's a tip, best way to
attack your opponent is
to catch them off guard.

Good one.

But here's a better one.

Aw, even the losers got a trophy.

That's it.
You're going down.

I'm gonna use that
cape to mop the floor with you.

Please don't, it's a rental.

Let's do this.

I thought you said this was about me?
Not now, Colby.
grown-ups are fighting.


Looks like the cleaning crew
is gonna be working overtime.

- Colby, are you okay?
- No, he's not okay.

You just attacked an innocent child.

Well, I was aiming
for you, so technically
it's your fault for
jumping out of the way.

You're both to blame.

Now, could someone please
do something about my
leg? It really hurts.

Should we take him to the hospital?
We can't.
They'll ask too many questions
that can expose our secret.

Plus hospitals make me feel guilty.

I've put a lot of people in them.

Why doesn't Colby just
shapeshift into an animal
and we take him to the vet?
I mean, I have caught him
on more than one occasion
licking himself.

That's actually not a bad idea.

That way they can fix his
leg without us getting caught.

No way, I'm not doing that.

And I'll just fix your leg.


But if I'm gonna turn into an animal,
it's gonna be something rad.

Hi, we're here to
have our pet looked at.

What kind of animal is it?
It's a bobcat.

We don't take bobcats.

Oh, well, in that case it's a
No, no.

Ew, no.


That works.
It's a turtle.

A lovely cheese spread
as always, Mr.

You could tell I care
because I added grapes.

Not for you.

So, where are Mr.
and Mrs.
The cheddar is sweating.

I'm sure they'll be out any second.

Really? Because it feels like
they're trying to avoid me.

The last people who tried to avoid me
turned out to be smuggling
counterfeit yoga pants
out of their basement.

And what happened to them?
I called the authorities,
now they're in jail
and I'm doing tree pose in style.

They thought they could
pull one over on me.

I'm gonna go check on Mrs.

If you're looking for a
hiding spot, that ain't it.

You have to get out there.

Tennyson just told
me he put the last people
who made him suspicious behind bars.

But Vic's machine isn't done yet.

I still can't control my power.

Just cover your hair.


And don't touch anything.



I got it now.

- What does this do?
- No.


Not for you.

Oh, hello.

Oh, Mrs.

Allow me to officially welcome
you to the neighborhood.


Why don't we just sit?
So tell me about these cheeses.

Well, they weren't aged when I got here
but they are now.

Now, on the left, we have a hard cheese,
which I really, really love.

I also brought a wide
selection of Italian cheeses,
my particular favorite.
I have Burrata.

I have Pecorino.

I have Romano.

I have got some Gouda over here.

Of course, I have some Gorgonzola.

Some people pronounce it Gorgonzola
but I think they're absolutely wrong.

You know what? I've never asked
if your lactose intolerant.

You know, one time I did
bring a cheese platter
to somebody had a stomach issue.

It was a complete disaster.

But of course, I have a
Brie, which is very still.

Everybody loves Brie and grapes
in case people don't like cheese.

And I heard you were English
so I brought a Stilton.

Oh, well.
Oh, you're the cleverest.

Do I smell smoke?

That's just my smoking hot husband.

No argument there.

Hey, Mr.
Great to see you again.

You should be good.
climate machine is done
and I've dialed it to maximum humidity.

Woo! Is it always this balmy in here?
Uh, yeah.
We like a moist living room.

Who says that? No one says that.

I think it feels, kind of, nice.

Come on.

How long does it take
to fix a turtle leg?
Well, Colby can be shy.

Maybe he won't come out of his shell.

Excuse me?
Any chance you could put him down?
- How is he?
- Your turtle is fine.

It's just a small leg sprain.

Are you sure?
He seemed pretty shell shocked.

Kid, my job is hard enough.

Jake, just pay the lady
so we can take our turtle
and get out of here.

I'm sorry but I can't let you do that.

Why not? I thought you said he was fine.

He is but in Texas,
that turtle is considered
to be a rare breed,
which means, you can't
keep him as a pet.

I'm sorry but animal control
is on their way to pick him up.

We can't let animal
control to take our brother.

Well, we could.

I'm just saying that
one time Dad accidentally
lost him at the mall.

It didn't really seem like an accident.

We have to sneak past that assistant
and get him out of here
before they show up.

I got this.

Help! The raccoon is eating my face!
The raccoon is eating my face?
You know, I work dark.
Let's go!
- Colby, where are you?
- Over here.

How do we unlock this thing?
The locks are all controlled
by that computer over there.

Looks like we'll need
a five-digit password.

- Crazy day, huh?
- I know right?
- Someone's coming.

- Oh, by the way,
I talked to animal control.

Not gonna work.
Not gonna work.

Animal control should be here
any minute for the turtle.

By this time tomorrow, this little guy
will be at the sanctuary in Costa Rica.

Did that turtle just
I need a day-off.

Get me out of here!
I can't go to Costa Rica.

All my videogames will be
in a different language.

That's all you care about?
Pretty much.

Jake, just use your super
strength to bust the cage open.

I can't.
The sign says
the alarm will go off.

Well, you better do
something fast.

We definitely have to get him out.

Do you know how much money we will make
on selling him to the circus?
Ugh, this humidity is ridiculous.

The one day I didn't wear
a shirt with mesh vents.

Don't worry.
It's just the A/C.

Mayhem is working on it.

I tweaked the unit.

This place should be cool in no time.

I can feel the breeze already.

Oh! That A/C is powerful.


This is it.

I don't know what's
going on at this house.

But something's not right.

Everything's fine.

Just melt my face.

I can't watch anymore of this.

So my real head is on a turtle's body?
Oh, wait till I tell the rat.

Must be the side effects
of getting your powers.

Not gonna lie.
I, kinda,
like you better like this.

- With a turtle body?
- No.
In a cage.

Thanks to you.
I might be stuck in one
for the rest of my life.

Don't worry.
We'll get you out.

We just need to figure
out this password.

Try 12345.

No one uses that.

Lucky for you, Dad taught
me a little thing or two
about cracking passwords.

Wrong cage! Wrong cage!
I'm telling you.
Try 12345.

Quiet, Colby.
I got this.

I'm the one who taught
Dad how to crack passwords.

For an evil genius, he
gets locked out of his phone
way too much.

Wrong cage.
Wrong cage.

Are you doing this on purpose?
The first one, no.
The last two, yes.

Doctor, animal control is here.

Guys, I'm begging you.
Just try 12345.


Oh, look at that.
I did it.

All right.
Hurry up and shapeshift back
so we can get out of here.

Oh, ow.

After you get out of the box.


What kind of air-conditioner
do you people have?
I'll go turn it down a bit.

Or not.

What's going on?
So much for staying under the radar.

It's a dust devil!
My machine didn't make that happen,
even I'm not that good.

I think it's Colby!
Oh! Well, I made him so I am that good.

It sucking off all the wind.

I have seen enough.

That was no A/C problem.

I know exactly what's going on here.

- You do?
- No!
But your husband kept leaving
the room every five minutes.


I smell smoke and you
pretended there wasn't any.


And your living room was steamier
than a tropical
rainforest in the summer.


Now, I may not be able to
get to the bottom of this
but the police will.

Not so fast, sir!
You've just been pranked!
- Pranked?
- Yup.

Uh, we like to prank our neighbors
to show them how fun we are.

I mean, you didn't really think
there was an actual dust devil
in our living room, did you?
Because that'd be that'd be crazy.

I know what I saw.
least, I think I do.

Should the head of
the neighborhood watch
really be saying he
thinks he saw something?
Because that sounds suspicious.

- I see what you did there.

- Uh-hmm.

I mean, once I post this video online,
it's gonna get thousands of likes.

You are gonna be a
social media sensation.

Really? Me?
A star?
I've never been the star of anything.

I can't wait to call my sister Lulu
and rub it in her face.

You know, when I first met this family,
I thought you were all a little weird,
but now I see you're
actually a lot of fun.

We need that around here.

What about me and grandma? We're fun.

Sure, you are.

I'm gonna go home, put on a silk robe,
pour myself a nice cold cup of something
and wait for Hollywood to come calling.

- That was incredible, Colbs.

- That was amazing.

You just saved us all.
He's a superhero.

Way to ruin the moment, Hartley.

Colby, we're sorry about
what happened today.

We tried to give you
a true villain experience
but it didn't go quite as we planned.

It's okay.
I appreciate you guys trying.

I just have to face the
reality that we're here now.

And I'll never get a chance
to be a true supervillain.

You guys really messed up today.

Hey! They aren't the only ones.

It's about the kids right now, Eva.

I feel bad.
We were
supposed to be giving him
- the best day of his life.

- Yeah.
I know.

I wish there was something we could do.

Maybe there is.

All right.
Come on out.

- What do you think?
- I love it.

Was I supposed to wear underwear?
I never do.

And along with your
fancy new villain suit
comes your official villain name.

Allow me to introduce
everyone to Flashform!
Oh, before we forget your new suit
comes with this helmet.


Now, you're officially one of us.

Our supervillain family
is finally complete.

Now, let's take these things off
and get back to our boring new lives.

An official supervillain.

I think the helmet's stuck.

I can't get it off.

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