The Villains Of Valley View (2022) s01e08 Episode Script

The Two Jakes

All right, it's Saturday.
I got a lot of nothing planned
for today so let's get to it!
A lot of nothing?
But look at all the fun stuff
on today's community calendar
A car show, a line-dancing contest
a pie festival!
All perfect for our
father-son day, Jake.
Let's take a joyride to
a line-dancing contest
and start a pie fight.
Or we can do something
that doesn't ruin other
people's good time.
You're taking a lot off the table there.
Great, a fly got in.
I guess this is my
entertainment for the day.
Amy, stop! It's me, Colby!
I shape-shifted into a fly
and I've been stuck ever since.
So you're still gross
but now you have wings.
Pretty much.
Wait, you're a fly now?
Then why have I been talking
to this oven mitt all morning?
We just thought you were losing it.
And I'm nice now,
so I didn't want to say anything.
Hey, Mom, what are
you all dressed up for?
Well, I'm going to
the community job fair
at your school.
Mama's gonna join the work force!
Why do you want a job?
I mean, I get the money part,
but don't they make you work, too?
Everyone in the family has found
a place in this new life except me.
I mean, you all go to school,
your father's a substitute teacher
I used to be third in
command of all villains.
And now I spend my day building castles
out of tortilla chips.
Spoiler alert:
the drawbridge is my mouth.
Good for you getting a job.
Bad for whoever you work
for, but good for you!
I'm glad you feel that way
because you're both coming with me.
For moral support?
No. To show me where your
silly little school is.
Is that a fly?
I'll get him!
Wait, Mom, no! That's Colby!
Hello, Celia.
And Robert, the police chief!
So nice to see you!
Since we are law-abiding citizens.
In fact, that's my favorite
thing to do with the law:
abide it.
Well, I need my paint supplies,
so about you abide outta my way?
Wait. Why are your
paint supplies in here?
I don't want 'em at myhouse.
I need the space for my
medieval weapons collection.
You haven't lived till you've
seen her wield a Viking axe.
Well, I guess I'd rather not live.
The paint's for me.
I'm doing a little
graffiti cleanup downtown.
Oh, cool. Can I help?
I've been looking for ways
to get more involved in the community.
That's very admirable, son.
But I thought we were gonna
hang out today, actual son.
Its' okay, Dad. We can still
do something this afternoon.
This afternoon, huh? Deal.
I'll see you at 12:01 sharp.
Well, Robert, while you're out,
I'll be preparing for our
one-month anniversary tonight.
Ooh, that's what I call a win-win.
- How about a little preview?
- Oh!
There are children in the room!
Well, it's about time!
You were supposed to be back hours ago.
You kept me waiting so long,
I ate three of your mom's chip castles.
Your son was a machine today!
He cleaned up every last
shred of graffiti in town.
Sorry for accidentally
erasing all those crosswalks.
That's okay. You gave
me a reason to write more
jay walking tickets.
Anyway, thanks again for your help.
Wow. That guy should arrest himself
for overstaying his welcome.
check out the amazing
afternoon I planned for us.
Don't you think I'm
a little old to play with toys?
Don't you think you'rea
little old to play with toys?
We're not playing with them.
We're using them to
plan a cell-tower heist.
Why would we do that?
The cell reception here is terrible.
But with your super strength,
we can move the tower from
across town to our neighborhood.
This is the plan. This one's me.
"Hey, Jake, lift up that
cell tower, would ya?"
"Sure thing, Dad! You're the best!"
"Uh-oh, here comes that dork Robert!"
"You're not my real dad!"
Should I be worried about you?
Come on, Jake! You and I used to
do stuff like this all the time!
Remember when we chiseled
my face into Mount Rushmore?
Of course. Your nose fell off
and it started a rockslide.
Dad, I told you I'm just not into doing
villain stuff anymore.
Oh, okay, I'll meet you halfway.
Why don't we just hit golf balls
into the neighbors' chimneys.
That's fun, innocent.
Nobody gets hurt except
the occasional roofer.
Actually, I was hoping we could postpone
our plan to hang out
today so I can go on
a ride-along with Robert.
A ride-along?! In a police car?
You know that's our family's
least favorite kind of car!
But if you'd rather do that
than hang out with me
Thanks, Dad!
Wow, Hartley. This resumé you wrote
makes my mom's work
history sound amazing.
I had no idea you're a better liar
on paper than you are in person?
I didn't lie. I "finessed" the words.
But let's just hope
nobody calls the references
because those are all fake.
Well, I don't know how you
could possibly "finesse"
that I was the number
three villain in the world,
specializing in electrocution.
By saying you were a senior executive
with expertise in
electrical engineering.
Oh! That's good!
That's like lying without lying.
Okay, now let's go get me a job!
Uh, hi.
Hi, Donna Plank, founder
of FacciaGrande face cream.
And you are?
I'm Eva Madden.
This is my resumé!
Donna Plank doesn't do paper.
I want you to tell me
why I should hire you.
Don't be nervous but
you're already tanking this.
I think that was a great first try.
Are you finessing words again?
What do you think?
Jake may not want to hang out now
but wait till he sees me having fun
with a clone of his old villainous self!
Bad Jake is your boy!
Uh, don't get too excited.
You're basically gonna live for a day.
But once he gets jealous
and comes back to me,
I'll vaporize you and everybody wins.
Oh. I don't wanna
vaporize the wrong one.
Here. Wear this pin so
I can tell you apart.
Wait, so you're telling me I only
exist to be a tool of your spite?
No! You're a synthetic
symbol of my love for my son.
But you're still only
gonna live for a day.
Works for me!
Hey! I spent hours on that!
We are gonna have so much fun!
Okay, Jake should be here any minute.
Whatever you do, look
like you're having a blast!
I wasn't even alive two hours ago.
Of course, I'm having a blast.
What is going on?
Oh, hi. I'm Bad Jake.
You must be Lame Jake.
No, I'm regular Jake.
I mean, Normal Jake just Jake!
Since you don't want to
hang out with me anymore,
you wouldn't mind if I made
a clone of you who does.
You have to get rid of him.
What's the matter? You jealous?
Hello? Anybody home?
No, I'm worried that our landlady
who comes over every ten minutes
might see that there's two of me!
Good point. Bad Jake, go hide.
Sorry, old man. I play by my own rules.
I'm sorry, but how can
you not love this guy?!
Time's up! I'm coming in!
Hello, Celia! Look at you.
Dating the police chief and
still making illegal entries.
Look at you. Still thinking I care.
I came to talk to Jake.
Since you've gotten to know Robert,
I wanted to get your opinion
on the anniversary gift
I picked out for him.
Lame! Get him a flame thrower.
Good idea! I can get him
one that matches mine!
And that's why we can't
keep Bad Jake around.
Why? Because you're jealous?
No! Stop saying that.
And stop making fake people
to get back with your family.
This is just like the
time you made a fake mom
'cause the real one
forgot your birthday!
She'll never make that mistake again.
Whatever, I have to get
ready for the ride-along.
All right, Bad Jake,
this is not working.
We have to up our game.
Time to hit some golf balls
into the neighbor's chimneys!
All right, I love you
but that's getting old.
- Mom, are you okay?
- I don't know what just happened.
I have always been fearless,
and she asked me why she should hire me,
and I froze.
That happens to me at the fro-yo shop.
I walk in knowing what I want
but when they take my order,
I freeze up in a vortex of
vanilla, chocolate and swirl.
The struggle is real.
Maybe you were just feeling pressured
because of the resumé scam.
Mm. Leave it to Hartley
to bring us all down with her lies.
- What?
- I hate to say it,
but I think Onyx passing me over
for that promotion has
really gotten into my head.
I gave that job 20 years of my life.
And now, I've lost my identity,
my confidence,
my lifetime membership at
the villain fitness center.
Villains have a fitness center?
It's more of a dungeon with a treadmill.
Mom, look, I know it didn't
go the way you planned
but did you really want
a job selling face cream
for Donna Plank?
It's not about the job, love.
It's about proving to myself that I can
feel just as important as I
used to in the villain world.
Well then, you're going back
to finish that interview.
- Oh.
- How?
She couldn't even get a word out.
Well then, we'll just have
to get the words out for her.
- Ready, Colby?
- This better be good.
I was just about to cannonball
into someone's chowder.
Here's the plan.
Mom, you'll try interviewing
again but this time,
Colby will be listening to questions.
Then he'll fly back and
feed them to Hartley.
Then she'll tell me
how you should respond
and I'll use my vocal
manipulation to make you say it.
Brilliant! And so simple!
Wait, do you have the
power to make people
say whatever you want?
- I sure do.
- Whoa, that was creepy!
- Don't call it creepy.
- Stop that!
Hello! I'm back for
my follow-up interview.
Donna Plank doesn't do second chances.
But since I am legally
required to conduct interviews
before I just give
the job to my niece
Go ahead, tell me about
your sales experience.
Oh, uh
She wants to know
about Mom's sales experience.
Well, she did help
Onyx sell stolen weapons
to a foreign dictator.
- What?
- Stop judging. Start finessing.
Okay, try this
I have facilitated high-level
government purchases of valuable assets.
Although you did take a very long pause
before answering.
This thing is driving me crazy!
- Hey. Don't hurt it!
- Don't hurt the fly?
That's it! To sell FacciaGrande
you have to crush the competition
and you are so weak, you
can't even crush a fly!
We're done. I am so glad
I didn't offer you water.
My mom never backs down from a fight.
This is gonna get ugly.
Thank you for for your time.
Okay, that is not my mom.
- Fore!
- Ouch!
Bad day for that kind of
lay out on the sundeck.
Hey, Jake, get out
here and see all the fun
I'm having with your clone!
Probably shouldn't be
shouting that. I'll go get him.
Whoa, I almost got a birdie!
Oh, that's why they call it that.
Hey, Jake.
Ready to go for a ride in my squad car?
Oh, no. You're not getting me
in the back of one of those.
Don't be silly. You're riding up front.
Wait, really?
I'm in!
Come on, Jake! How many people can say
they've caddied for their own clone?
Wait. Why is Robert's squad
car leaving without me?
Well, he obviously hates you.
I tried to warn you about that guy.
No, look!
Robert took Bad Jake on the ride-along!
Well, on the bright side,
it looks like your
afternoon just opened up.
I told you Bad Jake was a bad idea!
Now my evil clone is on a
ride-along with the chief of police!
He's gonna figure out we're villains!
Let's not panic yet.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
- Get in here!
- Fine.
Nice haircut, lady!
Do you and your labradoodle
use the same groomer?
Hey! That's rude.
Although that haircut is a crime!
It's just one interview, Mrs. Madden.
You'll get the next one.
Or the one after that.
Or the one after that.
- Hartley!
- What?
It's a numbers game!
I really thought our plan would work.
It's not your fault.
Maybe Donna Plank is right.
Maybe Onyx was right. Maybe I am weak.
No! No way! You are not weak!
You are the same unstoppable woman
I grew up wanting to be like.
You just need to show
that clueless second rate
cream queen who you really are.
You're right.
I've been letting the Onyx's
of the world get me down.
For what?
I mean, I know what I'm capable of.
And I do appreciate you
standing up to him for me.
But somewhere along the way,
wow, I lost my voice.
It's time to start
speaking for myself again.
Alright, Planky. Let's do this.
Ugh. You again.
Yeah, it's me again!
Eva Madden. That's right, I
can say my whole name, too!
You think I can't squash a fly?
I could crush everything in my path!
Oh, now that's the mom I know.
My ruthlessness and cruelty
put this place on the map!
And you pick that
half-lizard Slither over me?
Okay, Mom, taking a weird left turn.
You sit there like a deluded fool
on your fancy throne
and you will never
rule the world without me
What's going on?
Did you just chug an energy drink?
I think we had a real
personal breakthrough.
- It's time to go now.
- I'm not done!
You don't think I can sell
your stupid face cream?
Oh. All I need to do is show
everyone here how it works.
Now, when do I start?
One-Adam-Twelve, we have a
suspect who won't stop farting,
he should be considered
silent but deadly.
Give me that!
What's gotten into you?
I'm about to take you to the station
and give you a "ride-along"
in a holding cell.
- Surprise!
- Ahh!
Celia! What are you doing back there?
I wanted to surprise
you for our anniversary.
I was trying to leave you a gift,
but there's no door handles back here.
So, you've been hiding for an hour?
I would have popped up sooner
but I really like eavesdropping.
All units, we have a disturbance
at the Valley View High job fair.
Ooh, that doesn't sound good.
Maybe we should swing by the
house and grab my flamethrower.
No one, and I mean no one
face-creams Donna Plank!
Well, that's obvious.
I mean, you don't even
face-cream yourself.
I mean, just look at
all those frown lines.
I moisturize daily!
Break it up, folks.
- Let's calm down
- Oh!
Who did that?
She did.
You're coming with me.
Wait, what? But I didn't do it!
Don't you know who I am?
Of course, I do.
Your face cream has
scarred half the state.
Hurry up and book her!
We have dinner reservations.
Job fair, huh?
Well, it's fair to
say I'll do a great job
wrecking this place.
Jake, what are you doing?
Psst! Over here!
What Jake? What is going on?
That's not me. That's
an evil clone Dad made.
Head's up!
Luckily, I implanted a tracker in him.
And a few other surprises that
we won't go into right now.
We have to get everyone out of here!
- On it.
- Hartley? I need your help.
That's the alarm.
Come on, everyone!
I'm gonna enjoy this.
Hey, clone!
There's only room for
one Jake in this town.
With lines like that,
no wonder he wanted to replace you.
I love this! No matter
who wins, Jake loses!
What just happened?
I might have given him
ten times your strength.
I'm sorry but what's the
point of making a clone
if he isn't fully loaded?
Then how am I supposed to beat him?
Ooh, I know.
Hey, Colby!
Be a dear and distract Bad Jake for us.
On it!
Oh, man! I totally owned that clone!
You know, let's be honest.
I think the fly did most
of the heavy lifting.
I'm sorry you didn't get the job, Mom.
Oh, it's okay.
Hey. Thanks to you, I
got something better.
Your confidence?
I was gonna say my
first face cream brawl,
but, yeah, that works.
Son, I guess you were right.
I should have never made Bad Jake.
Whoa. Is this an apology?
I don't know. I've never done one.
Look, I don't know what happened.
I guess I got a little jealous
when I saw you bonding with Robert.
And it made me miss the old days
and the trouble we used to get into.
So I thought if I
could make you jealous,
maybe you'd want to hang out again.
You don't need to make
me jealous, you're my dad.
It's just that
things are a little different now
and we have to find
stuff we both like doing.
Hm, okay. Well, if that's the case,
you wanna go make fun of Bad Jake
before I vaporize him?
Well, that's what I call quality time.
How 'bout, "Hey, Bad Jake,
I feel like I'm looking in a mirror.
A broken mirror."
"Hey, Bad Jake.
Plagiarize your DNA much?"
Hey, Bad Jake.
Nice smoldering eyes you got there.
Yeah, that felt weird coming out.
Bad Jake's gone.
And he took out his tracker.
No worries. I'll just build another Jake
to track him down.
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