The Weekenders (2000) s02e13 Episode Script
Tickets
Yeah, it's me, Tino.
So you probably know,
Chum Bukkit is in town.
Good news, right?
Wrong! 'Cause no matter what we do,
we can't get tickets.
I stood in line for nine hours, and the guy
in front of me bought the last 200 tickets.
I went to the Chum Bukkit chatroom online.
I begged and groveled and totally
humiliated myself.
Fortunately, I didn't use my real name.
Unfortunately, I used Tish's real name.
You will live to regret that.
I tried to bribe a public official.
Now I have to do 100 hours
of community service.
I get to choose between helping shut-ins
and cleaning up the freeway.
And I tried an exclusive ticket agency.
The only thing that wasn't sold out
was the International Oven Mitt Show.
That sounds incredibly boring.
I hope not.
I got us four tickets.
You realize there's only one thing that
can possibly cheer us up.
One super jumbo order of chili cheese
fries, extra greasy.
Congratulations!
You're the Snack Shack's
one millionth customer!
You, the lucky winner,
receive a free t-shirt.
Our top secret chili recipe,
and a Mr Snackydore.
"Snack me, baby."
Gee, this is great.
Hey, what do you think I can get for these
on the internet?
Uh, yeah, let's just eat.
Oh, and could we get some napkins?
Congratulations!
You are our one million first customer!
As runner-up, you receive
passes to Chum Bukkit.
Yeah!
Alright!
Here ya go.
But,
there's only two.
And suddenly, the world gets a little more
complicated.
Hey, guys, I, uh
Cut to the chase.
Which one of us are you going to take?
And which two are you gonna destroy?
Look, I got to think this over.
How about I sleep on it?
How about we sit in your
room and stare at you
all night so we can get
your answer sooner?
Yeah, or how about no!
Wow, you look rested
from a good night's sleep.
So who are ya takin'?
I have decided that the person
who comes to the concert
with me, will be,
whoever wins
Rock, Paper, Scissors.
This took you all night to decide?
Hey, you're lucky I ditched
the alligator-wrestling idea.
Ready?
One, two, three.. !
Paper covers rock!
Rock smashes scissors!
Scissors cut paper!
Paper covers rock!
Rock smashes scissors!
Scissors cut paper!
Paper covers rock!
Rock smashes scissors.
Scissors cut.
Wait a minute.
Do over!
One, two, three!
One, two, three!
One, two, three!
Hold it!
Guys, this concert is too
important to leave to chance.
Yeah, Tino, you're just gonna have to decide
which one of us you're gonna take.
So it's a kissing up contest, eh?
Yes, and may the best man win.
You mean the best person.
I know what I mean.
Us men have to stick
together, right, buddy?
Huh?
Huh?
Right?
Huh?
Who's your buddy?
Huh?
Who's your buddy?
Huh?
You guys ordered the electric monkey boot
with bazooka cobblestones?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm comin'.
I put it to you, Mr Tonitini,
that as the one millionth customer,
I am legally entitled to the superior prize.
Under penal code 1743-V, the party of the
first part is entitled to the more
extravagant compensation, as established
in the 1984 case of Bob v.
Steve.
Is that your dad's suit
or have you lost weight?
Do not mock the law, Mr. Tonitini -- !
Okay, here's my pitch.
You take me to the concert, and I do all
your chores, starting with the vacuuming.
So, that's what the reverse button does.
Out, out, out!
Alright.
I came to tell you that,
you should take one of the others.
It's fine, really.
I'll just be..
emotionally scarred for life.
Tish.
No, don't mind me.
I'm just going to sit on your porch and..
hyperventilate for a while.
Pay no attention to any
agonized moans you may hear.
For those keeping score at home,
it's Greed: 3, Dignity: 0.
This. Had. Better. Be. Goo -- !?
We heard you have an extra
ticket to Chum Bukkit.
Here's my offer.
Take me to the concert,
and I'll pretend I know you exist.
Uh.
H-hi, Cheri.
Um, how are your things?
I mean, how are you and how are things?
Things which are the things that you have,
which are yours?
Take me to the concert~
What are you offering?
My offer is, you get to
take me to the concert~
That's a good offer.
Listen good, Tonitini!
Take me to the concert,
and I'll beat you up.
Uh. huh.
Boy, those are all
really great offers,
but I have to pass because uh,
I have Dutch Um disease.
Okay, bye.
Okay, what's wrong?
I've got one extra ticket to Chum Bukkit
and three friends.
How do I decide who to take?
This is a tough one.
I guess you'll have to decide which of the
guys you secretly hate.
Ha ha?
Do me a favour.
No more kidding!
Just stick to being a regular non-kidding
type mom.
Sweetie.
They're your friends.
They know you have to make a choice.
I'm sure they'll forgive you.
Yeah, right!
This is Chuk Bukkit!
A broken leg you can forgive,
but Chum Bukkit is forever.
Uh-huh.
And when you were six, you said the same
thing about Bobby Bunkie's Musical Monkeys.
I still say they're gonna
hit it big someday.
We still don't forgive you for
not taking us to Chum Bukkit.
Oh man.
What could be worse?
Okay, time to mow the lawn.
Wake up!
Wake! Up!
Wake up!
Whoa!
I've been thinkin'.
What if I mow the lawn for you?
Why take the chance of losing a toe?
Whoa, is that a rose bush?
Not anymore.
Admit it.
You, sir, were in cahoots
with the Snack Shack guy!
Did you just say "cahoots"?
I just wanted to tell you guys I can't
hang with you after school anymore.
To deal with the trauma of
not seeing Chum Bukkit,
I have to go to therapy every
afternoon for the next 40 years.
Hey, I'm mowin' here!
Move it or there'll be toes everywhere!
Alright!
The end!
No mas!
I've made a decision.
And my decision is
I. Can't. Deal!
Figure it out yourselves.
Two tickets.
Three of us.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two, three!
One, two, three.
Y'know, I find myself
thinking that someday
I'll have forgotten
all about Chuk Bukkit,
but I'll still remember
this perfect sunset.
Then I find myself thinking?
Yeah, right.
There he is!
Tino!
We've been looking everywhere for you.
Shouldn't you guys be
getting to the concert?
I mean, two of you guys?
We couldn't decide, either.
Yeah. We came to
give you your tickets back.
They're yours, Tino.
You have to go.
Even if you take that
Cheri girl from school.
It's only fair.
Thanks, guys.
This really means a lot.
So, are you coming down?
I'd like to, but I sat in some sap
and I'm glued to the tree.
This is it, dude.
You can't put it off any longer.
Which one of us is coming in with you?
Uh, okay.
Okay, I got it.
Show of hands.
Who has a Chum Bukkit
poster in their room?
Right.
It's Carver.
Woohoo!
But I was gonna get a poster.. !
I had to decide somehow.
And now you guys are
gonna hate me.
Tino, we may not
be happy about this,
but how could we ever hate you?
Yeah.
We're your friends.
Now go on.
Have a good time.
Aww, thanks.
We'll tell you all about it later.
Just keep smiling.
I'm getting a smile charliehorse.
Hang on.
These aren't tickets.
What?
They're passes.
You have to exchange
them at the box office.
Didn't you read the back?
This pass redeemable for..
two tickets!?
They're each worth two!
Lor, Tish!
Wait up!
Okay, so I found out a couple of things.
One, sometimes you have to make hard
choices, but your friends will understand.
And two, always read the fine print.
Okay, later days!
So you probably know,
Chum Bukkit is in town.
Good news, right?
Wrong! 'Cause no matter what we do,
we can't get tickets.
I stood in line for nine hours, and the guy
in front of me bought the last 200 tickets.
I went to the Chum Bukkit chatroom online.
I begged and groveled and totally
humiliated myself.
Fortunately, I didn't use my real name.
Unfortunately, I used Tish's real name.
You will live to regret that.
I tried to bribe a public official.
Now I have to do 100 hours
of community service.
I get to choose between helping shut-ins
and cleaning up the freeway.
And I tried an exclusive ticket agency.
The only thing that wasn't sold out
was the International Oven Mitt Show.
That sounds incredibly boring.
I hope not.
I got us four tickets.
You realize there's only one thing that
can possibly cheer us up.
One super jumbo order of chili cheese
fries, extra greasy.
Congratulations!
You're the Snack Shack's
one millionth customer!
You, the lucky winner,
receive a free t-shirt.
Our top secret chili recipe,
and a Mr Snackydore.
"Snack me, baby."
Gee, this is great.
Hey, what do you think I can get for these
on the internet?
Uh, yeah, let's just eat.
Oh, and could we get some napkins?
Congratulations!
You are our one million first customer!
As runner-up, you receive
passes to Chum Bukkit.
Yeah!
Alright!
Here ya go.
But,
there's only two.
And suddenly, the world gets a little more
complicated.
Hey, guys, I, uh
Cut to the chase.
Which one of us are you going to take?
And which two are you gonna destroy?
Look, I got to think this over.
How about I sleep on it?
How about we sit in your
room and stare at you
all night so we can get
your answer sooner?
Yeah, or how about no!
Wow, you look rested
from a good night's sleep.
So who are ya takin'?
I have decided that the person
who comes to the concert
with me, will be,
whoever wins
Rock, Paper, Scissors.
This took you all night to decide?
Hey, you're lucky I ditched
the alligator-wrestling idea.
Ready?
One, two, three.. !
Paper covers rock!
Rock smashes scissors!
Scissors cut paper!
Paper covers rock!
Rock smashes scissors!
Scissors cut paper!
Paper covers rock!
Rock smashes scissors.
Scissors cut.
Wait a minute.
Do over!
One, two, three!
One, two, three!
One, two, three!
Hold it!
Guys, this concert is too
important to leave to chance.
Yeah, Tino, you're just gonna have to decide
which one of us you're gonna take.
So it's a kissing up contest, eh?
Yes, and may the best man win.
You mean the best person.
I know what I mean.
Us men have to stick
together, right, buddy?
Huh?
Huh?
Right?
Huh?
Who's your buddy?
Huh?
Who's your buddy?
Huh?
You guys ordered the electric monkey boot
with bazooka cobblestones?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm comin'.
I put it to you, Mr Tonitini,
that as the one millionth customer,
I am legally entitled to the superior prize.
Under penal code 1743-V, the party of the
first part is entitled to the more
extravagant compensation, as established
in the 1984 case of Bob v.
Steve.
Is that your dad's suit
or have you lost weight?
Do not mock the law, Mr. Tonitini -- !
Okay, here's my pitch.
You take me to the concert, and I do all
your chores, starting with the vacuuming.
So, that's what the reverse button does.
Out, out, out!
Alright.
I came to tell you that,
you should take one of the others.
It's fine, really.
I'll just be..
emotionally scarred for life.
Tish.
No, don't mind me.
I'm just going to sit on your porch and..
hyperventilate for a while.
Pay no attention to any
agonized moans you may hear.
For those keeping score at home,
it's Greed: 3, Dignity: 0.
This. Had. Better. Be. Goo -- !?
We heard you have an extra
ticket to Chum Bukkit.
Here's my offer.
Take me to the concert,
and I'll pretend I know you exist.
Uh.
H-hi, Cheri.
Um, how are your things?
I mean, how are you and how are things?
Things which are the things that you have,
which are yours?
Take me to the concert~
What are you offering?
My offer is, you get to
take me to the concert~
That's a good offer.
Listen good, Tonitini!
Take me to the concert,
and I'll beat you up.
Uh. huh.
Boy, those are all
really great offers,
but I have to pass because uh,
I have Dutch Um disease.
Okay, bye.
Okay, what's wrong?
I've got one extra ticket to Chum Bukkit
and three friends.
How do I decide who to take?
This is a tough one.
I guess you'll have to decide which of the
guys you secretly hate.
Ha ha?
Do me a favour.
No more kidding!
Just stick to being a regular non-kidding
type mom.
Sweetie.
They're your friends.
They know you have to make a choice.
I'm sure they'll forgive you.
Yeah, right!
This is Chuk Bukkit!
A broken leg you can forgive,
but Chum Bukkit is forever.
Uh-huh.
And when you were six, you said the same
thing about Bobby Bunkie's Musical Monkeys.
I still say they're gonna
hit it big someday.
We still don't forgive you for
not taking us to Chum Bukkit.
Oh man.
What could be worse?
Okay, time to mow the lawn.
Wake up!
Wake! Up!
Wake up!
Whoa!
I've been thinkin'.
What if I mow the lawn for you?
Why take the chance of losing a toe?
Whoa, is that a rose bush?
Not anymore.
Admit it.
You, sir, were in cahoots
with the Snack Shack guy!
Did you just say "cahoots"?
I just wanted to tell you guys I can't
hang with you after school anymore.
To deal with the trauma of
not seeing Chum Bukkit,
I have to go to therapy every
afternoon for the next 40 years.
Hey, I'm mowin' here!
Move it or there'll be toes everywhere!
Alright!
The end!
No mas!
I've made a decision.
And my decision is
I. Can't. Deal!
Figure it out yourselves.
Two tickets.
Three of us.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two, three!
One, two, three.
Y'know, I find myself
thinking that someday
I'll have forgotten
all about Chuk Bukkit,
but I'll still remember
this perfect sunset.
Then I find myself thinking?
Yeah, right.
There he is!
Tino!
We've been looking everywhere for you.
Shouldn't you guys be
getting to the concert?
I mean, two of you guys?
We couldn't decide, either.
Yeah. We came to
give you your tickets back.
They're yours, Tino.
You have to go.
Even if you take that
Cheri girl from school.
It's only fair.
Thanks, guys.
This really means a lot.
So, are you coming down?
I'd like to, but I sat in some sap
and I'm glued to the tree.
This is it, dude.
You can't put it off any longer.
Which one of us is coming in with you?
Uh, okay.
Okay, I got it.
Show of hands.
Who has a Chum Bukkit
poster in their room?
Right.
It's Carver.
Woohoo!
But I was gonna get a poster.. !
I had to decide somehow.
And now you guys are
gonna hate me.
Tino, we may not
be happy about this,
but how could we ever hate you?
Yeah.
We're your friends.
Now go on.
Have a good time.
Aww, thanks.
We'll tell you all about it later.
Just keep smiling.
I'm getting a smile charliehorse.
Hang on.
These aren't tickets.
What?
They're passes.
You have to exchange
them at the box office.
Didn't you read the back?
This pass redeemable for..
two tickets!?
They're each worth two!
Lor, Tish!
Wait up!
Okay, so I found out a couple of things.
One, sometimes you have to make hard
choices, but your friends will understand.
And two, always read the fine print.
Okay, later days!