The Weekenders (2000) s03e05 Episode Script
Listen Up
Welcome to Left Over Pizza, serving
yesterday's pizza today.
Can we get a large half plain half
pepperoni?
Ah, let's see what we got.
Half a sausage pizza, two slices with
onion and brown things ?
Well, I guess these crusts will be fine
if you scrape off the fuzzy spots.
Hey, I think these are our crusts from
last week.
Your pal Tino, here!
And, I have the ID badge to prove it!
See?
Mrs Duong, down at
Helpers Helping the Helpless,
asked us to be in the
pre-teen Pals program.
It's like this thing where
twelve year olds like us,
help the little eleven year olds
overcome their fears of middle school.
It doesn't pay or anything,
but only a few kids get asked.
So it's kinda cool~
I wish it had a better name.
Yeah.
I guess "underage, unlicensed
guidance counsellors" was already taken.
What if I say the wrong thing?
What if I scar someone
for all of middle school?
If I can make just one kid
comfortable in seventh grade,
I'll have earned
this badge of honor.
I just hope the little fellas aren't
intimidated by us big kids.
Okay, secretly, I hope they are.
Kids are gonna be like,
"How do you do this?"
And I'm gonna be like,
"Oh, you do it this way."
And they'll be like, "Really?"
And I'll be like, "Yeah."
And they'll be like, "Wow.
You are so totally cool."
And I'll be like
I'm glad you thought this out.
What are those?
Business cards.
'Cause I mean business.
"Carver Descartes.
Protein Pal?"
No, it says "pre-teen"
It says "Protein Pal."
Ah, I hope you haven't
passed any out yet.
Only about ten.
times ten.
When the eleven year olds come in here,
all you have to do is remember
two plus four equals okay,
and you'll be great.
Why?
Because you have two ears for listening.
Okay?
Say "okay~"
Okay.
Heads up, little folk.
Doctor Descartes, is on duty.
Mrs Duong?
If there's no one else coming,
maybe I should help you with the
Are you my pre-teen pal?
Uhhhhh, only if you're really a pre-teen!
which you are one.
Right?
Melissa said all the middle
school girls wear eyeshadow,
but I tried it once,
and I looked stupid.
The exact same thing happened to me.
Well, I um
You um.
Well.
The thing is, in middle school,
we'll be using lockers,
but I've been using
cubbies my whole life.
What's this kid's name again?
Rhymes with
Somethin'.
Am I getting enough calcium?
I guess I'm just thinking, what is middle
school gonna be like?
Oh, well, homework is the biggest
difference for most kids.
That is, kids who are
entering middle school soon,
which you are, right?
I mean, you're eleven, right?
Not like thirty or something?
Could I see a passport?
Does my elbow itch?
I think it does.
I wonder how long I can go
without scratching it.
Don't scratch.
Don't scratch.
Many young folks harbour
secret fears about middle school.
I understand young Irvine,
and I'm here for you.
My mom made me come.
Back off, I'll bite you!
But if you want to be class president,
you have to wear lipstick !
George Washington did not wear lipstick
because of his ill-fitting wooden teeth.
Anyway, um, yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway
And what if I can't fit all
my books in my locker?
Carver?
Carver, are you listening?
What?
Yeah.
Um, the answer is, uh, buy shoes!
What does that have to do with lockers?
Shoes.. fit in lockers.
Do you deny this?!
Hmm.
Okay, helpers!
Juice boxes are in the back.
One to a customer~
Carver, can I see you for a sec?
First of all, I want to thank you
for helping Pre-Teen Pals.
And second, it's not working out.
Please return your ID badge and help
yourself to a juice box.
One~ to a customer.
But I like being a pre-teen pal.
I'm sorry, Carver, but you didn't
listen to a word Tommy said.
You've got to hear here.
Before you hear, here.
You hear?
Did you say somethin'?
How could she say I don't listen?
"Listening" is my middle name!
I thought it was "Renée".
It's ridiculous!
Who could possibly be
a better listener than me?
Carver?
Not to mention respectful
and well-acquainted.
Carver?
And of course polite to a fault!
Carver?
I'm talking here!
Well, don't!
Mrs Duong is right.
You gotta learn to listen better.
How could she
Carver?
What did I just say?
How should I know?
Oh my gosh.
I don't listen.
Well, you better learn to
if you want to be a Pre-teen Pal!
Okay.
I'll learn some listening skills.
And I'll be the best darn listener
Mrs Duong ever listened to!
We will begin our exercise in listening.
Now, open yourself to
the sounds of nature.
If you listen closely, you can hear the
wind dancing through the leaves.
The bucolic stampering of the squirrels.
The gentle footfalls
of centipedes barking
Ahh!
Where!?
Are they on me?
Get 'em off!
Get 'em off!
Ah ah!
And if you listen extra close,
you can also hear
the pitter-patter
of the "North American 'Fraidycat".
You definitely heard that.
People in France heard that.
So, the evil barrel maker
dissolved into a pool of butter,
and all over Scotland,
the people who had
grown tails returned to normal.
The End.
That Scottish legend sure was
Scottish
Okay, Carver.
To prove you were listening, how much of the "Wee Cooper and the Magic Barrel" do you remember?
Was there a barrel?
And I'm happy to
report, Mrs Duong, that
I passed every test
with flying colours.
Alright, I'm nothing if not fair,
and I'm not nothing, so I must be fair.
Is that fair?
So I get a second chance?
Yes, but first you'll have to
pass a little test of my own.
In a moment, I'm going to come through
this door as Billy Johnson.
A confused pre-teen, in desperate
need of a pre-teen pal.
Hello, my name is Billy Johnson.
Hello, Billy Johnson.
Sit down here and I'll listen to every
single word of your little problem thingy.
Well, I am feeling insecure.
There we go.
About juggling my schoolworkm,
with my many volunteer activities.
What should I do?
Well, I am feeling insecure.
There we go.
About juggling my schoolwork,
with my many volunteer activities.
What should I do?
How is that?
I think I got every word.
Excellent!
And what's your advice?
About what?
Penny, do you have a minute?
Two conditions.
You can't be in my room and you only have
ten seconds.
Tick, tick, tick.
Okay, um
I got kicked out of Pre-teen Pals,
even though I repeated everything Mrs Duong said,
but I guess it's not really listening,
It's really more like hearing,
and I don't
[makes buzzer noise ]
EHHH!
Time's up.
I'll come back when
there's less wood between us.
Stand back, please.
I mean, how does a person learn to listen?
What do you think?
Please stand back.
But I'm just asking
Ahh!
Museum rules require me
to ask if you are okay.
No, I'm not.
I'm looking for advice and no one will
listen to me.
Plus, I think my eyelashes
just got flambéed.
You need to see this fella.
He is the master.
Oh, no.
Not this guy!
I don't think all your world
travelling is gonna help me, Jules.
This is a really serious crisis.
In the Amazonian rainforest, I have seen
men swallowed whole by snakes.
Okay.
But you promise you're really going to
listen to my problem?
What do you mean?
I mean, you won't be like everyone else
I've talked to.
You'll hear what I'm sayin',
and you'll think about what
it really means and how
you feel about it, right?
You'll listen.
What is your problem?
I need to know how to listen.
I think you already know.
Consider what you just said.
Well, I said "Hear what I'm sayin'."
"Think about what it really means,
and how you feel about it."
Whoa.
You are the master.
Am I?
Or is the master within you?
Five dollars.
So how'd it go today?
I spent all day with
that "Irvine" kid.
I learned a lot
about Pocket Moon Mania.
Back off, or I'll bite you!
It just wasn't the same
without ya, Carv'.
Mrs Duong totally called it, though.
I didn't listen and
that wasn't fair to Tommy.
Hey, isn't that him over there?
Hey, Tommy.
Hey, my pre-teen pal.
Sorry if I didn't really
help you that much?
Aw, my problem was dumb.
I mean, why should I be
worried about lockers?
It's stupid.
Just forget it.
Okay.
But you know, once when I went to summer
camp, I was really worried about my shoes.
Would I have enough?
Would I have enough?
Then I realized,
it wasn't the shoes.
What I was really worried about was,
would I be enough?
Would the other kids like me?
Things like that.
Yeah, I am kind of worried about that
stuff.
But even in a new place,
if you get out there and talk
to people, you can always
find somebody to hang with.
Cool.
Thanks, Carver.
Anytime, Tommy.
See ya.
Carver, I'm impressed!
And a little weirded out!
Oh, this Virtual Knitting Group
is an absolute panic!
Mrs Duong, at Funville?
Does not compute.
Carver, you were wonderful with Tommy.
Now that you listen so well, think you're
ready for another shot at pre-teen pal-ing?
You know it, Mrs D!
Okay!
Who thinks they can beat me
at Virtual Knitting Group?
I can!
You don't have a chance.
Well, I guess what I found out
from all of this is that you have to
Hey.
Hello?
Are you listening to me?
Hey!
No, no, no, no.
Don't fade out on me while I'm talking.
Hey!
Later days!
yesterday's pizza today.
Can we get a large half plain half
pepperoni?
Ah, let's see what we got.
Half a sausage pizza, two slices with
onion and brown things ?
Well, I guess these crusts will be fine
if you scrape off the fuzzy spots.
Hey, I think these are our crusts from
last week.
Your pal Tino, here!
And, I have the ID badge to prove it!
See?
Mrs Duong, down at
Helpers Helping the Helpless,
asked us to be in the
pre-teen Pals program.
It's like this thing where
twelve year olds like us,
help the little eleven year olds
overcome their fears of middle school.
It doesn't pay or anything,
but only a few kids get asked.
So it's kinda cool~
I wish it had a better name.
Yeah.
I guess "underage, unlicensed
guidance counsellors" was already taken.
What if I say the wrong thing?
What if I scar someone
for all of middle school?
If I can make just one kid
comfortable in seventh grade,
I'll have earned
this badge of honor.
I just hope the little fellas aren't
intimidated by us big kids.
Okay, secretly, I hope they are.
Kids are gonna be like,
"How do you do this?"
And I'm gonna be like,
"Oh, you do it this way."
And they'll be like, "Really?"
And I'll be like, "Yeah."
And they'll be like, "Wow.
You are so totally cool."
And I'll be like
I'm glad you thought this out.
What are those?
Business cards.
'Cause I mean business.
"Carver Descartes.
Protein Pal?"
No, it says "pre-teen"
It says "Protein Pal."
Ah, I hope you haven't
passed any out yet.
Only about ten.
times ten.
When the eleven year olds come in here,
all you have to do is remember
two plus four equals okay,
and you'll be great.
Why?
Because you have two ears for listening.
Okay?
Say "okay~"
Okay.
Heads up, little folk.
Doctor Descartes, is on duty.
Mrs Duong?
If there's no one else coming,
maybe I should help you with the
Are you my pre-teen pal?
Uhhhhh, only if you're really a pre-teen!
which you are one.
Right?
Melissa said all the middle
school girls wear eyeshadow,
but I tried it once,
and I looked stupid.
The exact same thing happened to me.
Well, I um
You um.
Well.
The thing is, in middle school,
we'll be using lockers,
but I've been using
cubbies my whole life.
What's this kid's name again?
Rhymes with
Somethin'.
Am I getting enough calcium?
I guess I'm just thinking, what is middle
school gonna be like?
Oh, well, homework is the biggest
difference for most kids.
That is, kids who are
entering middle school soon,
which you are, right?
I mean, you're eleven, right?
Not like thirty or something?
Could I see a passport?
Does my elbow itch?
I think it does.
I wonder how long I can go
without scratching it.
Don't scratch.
Don't scratch.
Many young folks harbour
secret fears about middle school.
I understand young Irvine,
and I'm here for you.
My mom made me come.
Back off, I'll bite you!
But if you want to be class president,
you have to wear lipstick !
George Washington did not wear lipstick
because of his ill-fitting wooden teeth.
Anyway, um, yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway
And what if I can't fit all
my books in my locker?
Carver?
Carver, are you listening?
What?
Yeah.
Um, the answer is, uh, buy shoes!
What does that have to do with lockers?
Shoes.. fit in lockers.
Do you deny this?!
Hmm.
Okay, helpers!
Juice boxes are in the back.
One to a customer~
Carver, can I see you for a sec?
First of all, I want to thank you
for helping Pre-Teen Pals.
And second, it's not working out.
Please return your ID badge and help
yourself to a juice box.
One~ to a customer.
But I like being a pre-teen pal.
I'm sorry, Carver, but you didn't
listen to a word Tommy said.
You've got to hear here.
Before you hear, here.
You hear?
Did you say somethin'?
How could she say I don't listen?
"Listening" is my middle name!
I thought it was "Renée".
It's ridiculous!
Who could possibly be
a better listener than me?
Carver?
Not to mention respectful
and well-acquainted.
Carver?
And of course polite to a fault!
Carver?
I'm talking here!
Well, don't!
Mrs Duong is right.
You gotta learn to listen better.
How could she
Carver?
What did I just say?
How should I know?
Oh my gosh.
I don't listen.
Well, you better learn to
if you want to be a Pre-teen Pal!
Okay.
I'll learn some listening skills.
And I'll be the best darn listener
Mrs Duong ever listened to!
We will begin our exercise in listening.
Now, open yourself to
the sounds of nature.
If you listen closely, you can hear the
wind dancing through the leaves.
The bucolic stampering of the squirrels.
The gentle footfalls
of centipedes barking
Ahh!
Where!?
Are they on me?
Get 'em off!
Get 'em off!
Ah ah!
And if you listen extra close,
you can also hear
the pitter-patter
of the "North American 'Fraidycat".
You definitely heard that.
People in France heard that.
So, the evil barrel maker
dissolved into a pool of butter,
and all over Scotland,
the people who had
grown tails returned to normal.
The End.
That Scottish legend sure was
Scottish
Okay, Carver.
To prove you were listening, how much of the "Wee Cooper and the Magic Barrel" do you remember?
Was there a barrel?
And I'm happy to
report, Mrs Duong, that
I passed every test
with flying colours.
Alright, I'm nothing if not fair,
and I'm not nothing, so I must be fair.
Is that fair?
So I get a second chance?
Yes, but first you'll have to
pass a little test of my own.
In a moment, I'm going to come through
this door as Billy Johnson.
A confused pre-teen, in desperate
need of a pre-teen pal.
Hello, my name is Billy Johnson.
Hello, Billy Johnson.
Sit down here and I'll listen to every
single word of your little problem thingy.
Well, I am feeling insecure.
There we go.
About juggling my schoolworkm,
with my many volunteer activities.
What should I do?
Well, I am feeling insecure.
There we go.
About juggling my schoolwork,
with my many volunteer activities.
What should I do?
How is that?
I think I got every word.
Excellent!
And what's your advice?
About what?
Penny, do you have a minute?
Two conditions.
You can't be in my room and you only have
ten seconds.
Tick, tick, tick.
Okay, um
I got kicked out of Pre-teen Pals,
even though I repeated everything Mrs Duong said,
but I guess it's not really listening,
It's really more like hearing,
and I don't
[makes buzzer noise ]
EHHH!
Time's up.
I'll come back when
there's less wood between us.
Stand back, please.
I mean, how does a person learn to listen?
What do you think?
Please stand back.
But I'm just asking
Ahh!
Museum rules require me
to ask if you are okay.
No, I'm not.
I'm looking for advice and no one will
listen to me.
Plus, I think my eyelashes
just got flambéed.
You need to see this fella.
He is the master.
Oh, no.
Not this guy!
I don't think all your world
travelling is gonna help me, Jules.
This is a really serious crisis.
In the Amazonian rainforest, I have seen
men swallowed whole by snakes.
Okay.
But you promise you're really going to
listen to my problem?
What do you mean?
I mean, you won't be like everyone else
I've talked to.
You'll hear what I'm sayin',
and you'll think about what
it really means and how
you feel about it, right?
You'll listen.
What is your problem?
I need to know how to listen.
I think you already know.
Consider what you just said.
Well, I said "Hear what I'm sayin'."
"Think about what it really means,
and how you feel about it."
Whoa.
You are the master.
Am I?
Or is the master within you?
Five dollars.
So how'd it go today?
I spent all day with
that "Irvine" kid.
I learned a lot
about Pocket Moon Mania.
Back off, or I'll bite you!
It just wasn't the same
without ya, Carv'.
Mrs Duong totally called it, though.
I didn't listen and
that wasn't fair to Tommy.
Hey, isn't that him over there?
Hey, Tommy.
Hey, my pre-teen pal.
Sorry if I didn't really
help you that much?
Aw, my problem was dumb.
I mean, why should I be
worried about lockers?
It's stupid.
Just forget it.
Okay.
But you know, once when I went to summer
camp, I was really worried about my shoes.
Would I have enough?
Would I have enough?
Then I realized,
it wasn't the shoes.
What I was really worried about was,
would I be enough?
Would the other kids like me?
Things like that.
Yeah, I am kind of worried about that
stuff.
But even in a new place,
if you get out there and talk
to people, you can always
find somebody to hang with.
Cool.
Thanks, Carver.
Anytime, Tommy.
See ya.
Carver, I'm impressed!
And a little weirded out!
Oh, this Virtual Knitting Group
is an absolute panic!
Mrs Duong, at Funville?
Does not compute.
Carver, you were wonderful with Tommy.
Now that you listen so well, think you're
ready for another shot at pre-teen pal-ing?
You know it, Mrs D!
Okay!
Who thinks they can beat me
at Virtual Knitting Group?
I can!
You don't have a chance.
Well, I guess what I found out
from all of this is that you have to
Hey.
Hello?
Are you listening to me?
Hey!
No, no, no, no.
Don't fade out on me while I'm talking.
Hey!
Later days!