The Wonder Years (2021) s01e18 Episode Script

Goose Grease

What's all this? Daddy just taught me how to change my spark plugs and change my oil.
She learned almost as fast as Bruce did.
So, Dad's teaching you to work on cars? Well, he didn't want to at first.
Said being oily and greasy was "unladylike.
" But saving $2.
50 on a tune-up is beautiful.
Dean, tell your mother to grab the Instamatic and take a picture.
It's not easy being the youngest of three children.
The firstborn gets your parents' undivided attention.
The second-born gets a little less attention, but they're still getting that shine.
And then you get to the third child.
You're lucky if you can get them to point that camera in your direction.
I'm not even sure that's me.
Even though I was the youngest, I was not gonna be denied the cool bonding experiences my brother and sister got to have with our family.
Dad, I want to go hunting with you and Granddaddy Clisby.
Now, where'd you come up with a crazy idea like that? You know those rabbits aren't asleep, right? I mean, wouldn't a movie be just as fun? I can look up some matinee times right now.
But when Bruce went hunting, it was all the Williams men together.
I just want to do the same things he did.
It seems important or something.
Plus, I got my new camera ready to capture it all.
I'll, uh, think about it.
You know that's a no, right? Fine.
If you won't take me, I'll just have to go ask Granddaddy Clisby.
Bill Williams, you know there's no way on God's green Earth I'm letting my son go into the woods with a nearsighted old man holding a shotgun.
So, I guess that's a yes.
We're stopping again? I'll take a pee break every 15 minutes if I want to.
It's one of the perks of getting old, and you can't take that from me.
So, how many rabbits did Bruce kill his first time? - I have no living memory - Because I'm gonna double it, maybe even triple it.
What's with the scratching? Must be mosquitoes.
From the car? Eh, false alarm.
The boy's complaining about bugs already? We're not even in the woods yet.
He needs to toughen up.
Not bugs, Dad, chicken pox.
"Oh" what? "Oh" what, Dean? A bunch of kids got the chicken pox at my school this week.
And I'm just hearing about this now? After spending three hours cooped up with you in the car? I want to yell at you, but I got to take another pee break again.
It's definitely chicken pox.
I'd never seen my mom move that fast.
She was avoiding me like the plague literally.
W-What's wrong? Y-You're scaring me.
Oh, baby, it's nothing to be worried about.
I just haven't had the chicken pox, and you're very contagious.
And you two.
You are gonna have to hole up in this house separately.
Kim? Ew.
What is with all this noise? I can't hear myself think.
Don't move.
Dean has chicken pox.
Oh, you are not getting me sick.
- I just got over mono.
- Mono? You said it was a lingering cold.
We need to be worried about Dean right now.
Well, just go pack your bags.
You and I are staying at Grandma's.
- Don't got to tell me twice.
- Wait.
So it's gonna be me, Granddaddy Clisby, and Dad in the same house alone for a week? You can't just abandon me with them, Lil.
Wha And where do you think you're going? I'm, uh, I'm heading home.
It's dinner time.
- It's 4:30, Granddad.
- Damn.
It's gonna be cold.
Clisby, have you had chicken pox before? I've had everything from the Spanish flu, mustard gas, hoof-and-mouth.
You name it, I'm immune to it.
Dad, you got to take this seriously.
Chicken pox at your age can be really dangerous.
Mm-hmm, and I'm not letting you go home to infect Mother Williams.
Lord knows she's suffered enough.
Fine, fine.
But I'm not gonna be happy about it.
- Dinner's on the stove.
- But it's just boiling water.
Oh, you'll have to finish it yourselves.
Love you, baby.
Take care.
Maybe I was gonna get that bonding experience after all.
Well, I take dinner at 5:00, and, uh, after that, one of you gonna have to run my bath water.
You're sleeping outside.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat this.
It's gonna be hard, real hard.
Are you kidding me? This is gonna be so great! We can finally hang out like we planned Maybe play some cards, swap some stories.
Just three generations of us Williams men.
It's gonna be two generations if you don't stop yapping.
How about you don't threaten my son? I was talking about myself.
First off, we're gonna have to divvy up the household duties.
Well, since you were a cook in the Army, it's only right that you cook for us.
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Yeah, see, I was in the infantry, like a real man.
So I'll be sure to shoot the first one who tries to break in.
Good thinking.
Dean, you do your regular chores.
And stop scratching.
That's how it spreads.
So, what chores are you actually gonna do, Dad? Oh, I don't do chores.
Never did.
See, my mama did them for me until I was 16, and then my wife took over after that.
Guess what, Dad? It's the '60s.
Men have evolved since your generation.
We're not helpless around the house anymore.
This is the same man who didn't meet any of his kids until the day after they were born.
Well, I'm old and feeble.
Ain't that what you're always telling me? This pox just might take me down.
I see.
So now that there's chores on the table, - you're taking this seriously.
- Eh.
You're doing the dishes, Dad.
It was finally happening.
All of us Williams men were gonna rough it together.
It was gonna be just like rabbit hunting, minus the hunting and the rabbits.
Dean, stop scratching.
Your mother's gonna kill me if you end up with a face full of pox scars.
But it's so itchy.
There's only one way to fix this.
Ugh! Darn it.
God did not take Adam's rib so he could scrub a pot.
You'll get used to doing chores.
Doing them together could even be fun.
You know what's really fun? Making money.
How's about I give you 50 cents a day to do my chores? While I was hoping all of us roughing it together would create a lifelong memory, I couldn't turn down a solid side hustle.
And don't tell your father.
Ahh! Well, come on, now.
I'm a little rusty.
Well, if the pox don't kill us, this chili sure will.
Well, I don't know how else we're gonna eat, do you? Now, preheat the oven to 350 and put it in for 30 minutes.
This was before N95s, people.
Mom, I really, really, really missed your cooking.
All right.
Point made, Dean.
Dean, I can see you've been scratching.
I brought you something for the itch.
- Y'all need to use it.
- No, ma'am.
I'm not taking the white man's medicine.
Dad, I know you don't trust doctors, but you can't avoid them forever.
Watch me.
See what I'm putting up with over here? Mm-hmm.
Y'all enjoy yourselves.
I've got my own remedies much better than any doctor's.
You'll see.
Oh, good.
My goose is here.
Where did this come from? I called my goose guy.
Why do you need a goose? To make goose grease.
If Granddaddy Clisby thought he was making things clearer, he was wrong.
Can someone tell me what the heck a pre-wash is? Dad, no.
Kept you healthy your whole childhood, son.
More like it kept me smelling bad and swatting flies my whole childhood.
Dad, Granddad's about to teach me to make goose grease.
You should join us, then it'll be the three generations of Williams men making memories.
I'm not participating in any of this nonsense.
Pay him no attention.
You're about to learn the magic of goose grease.
Now, doesn't that feel better? It actually did help with the itching.
And my skin felt amazing! Never been so soft and supple.
I can smell y'all from inside.
Well, that means it's working.
It does make me a little nostalgic for home.
Mm-hmm! Hey, Dad, maybe you should put some on.
Then the three of us could Oh, no! Here come the flies! They bite! They bite! - Eyes! Not the eyes! - Ow! By day four, we had all fallen into a routine.
- I was reading that.
- I know.
But Dad and Granddad were still getting on each other's nerves, which meant there was zero bonding going on.
And stop scratching, Dad.
Just use the cream Lillian brought.
I ain't studdin' them quacks down there at the pharmacy.
Goose grease works just fine.
The only thing that goose grease is doing is making my house smell like a barnyard.
Listen, if you don't want me here, I'll be happy to leave.
In fact, I'm tired of you always trying to tell me what to do, trying to domesticate me.
How many goose guys ya got? Hey, Cory! - Good to see you, Cliff.
- Sorry, Dean.
Fry made me bring you your homework.
I tried telling her you were on death's door and that you wouldn't need any algebra in heaven, but she wasn't buying it.
It's okay.
At least you tried.
I pretended to be mad, but secretly, I was missing that sweet, sweet arithmetic.
When Vivian heard y'all were doing the cooking, she sent me over here with this casserole.
Here, let me come inside.
Hey, what are you doing? We're still contagious.
I-It's all good.
Now, Cory can't come in, but I can 'cause I got the pox when I was 7.
I'm immune.
Come on, man.
I get to sit on the good couch? You must really be desperate.
You hungry? Thirsty? Can I pour you a scotch? It's 4:00 in the afternoon, Bill.
Boy, boy, you're a sight for sore eyes.
Uh, I see being all cooped up in here hasn't, uh, affected you guys at all.
So, what'd I miss at the barbershop, huh? Did Hal patch up with Ida? Oh, you ain't gonna believe this.
So, has Keisa asked about me? Yeah, she has been, actually.
She wanted to come over and visit you, but her parents think chicken pox come from the devil.
They said the same thing about wearing glasses.
So, what's Lester gonna do with his settlement check? What you think he gonna do with it? Not make Jesus proud, that's for damn sure.
Right there! And then he gonna try to tell me that he got Eartha Kitt's phone number.
I've been trying to bond with my dad and granddad like Bruce did, but every time we get close to it, something gets in the way.
Hey, man, what if you gave me a hug? Then you'll get chicken pox.
I know! Look, I got a social studies test on Friday, and I have not studied for it.
Plus, if I time it right, I could probably get out of church, too.
Cory Long, don't you take one more step.
Boy, have you lost your mind? Look, now, you know your mama gonna blame me if you get sick.
I'm taking you home.
You going? You just got here.
Yeah, stick around.
We could get a card game going.
Now, I know y'all going delirious if y'all are inviting me to take your money.
I'mma see you fellas.
Uh, hey, Dean, give me Slap me some skin, man.
No, no.
Get to the car.
Want to know what'd be a good idea? If the three of us play cards together.
You could even teach me poker.
You don't know how to play poker? - Well, you ought to know by now.
- How old are you? 7? I'm 12.
You're not gonna teach my son how to gamble.
Besides, he doesn't have any money.
- Yeah, he does.
- Yeah, I do.
You know what? If it'll help us pass the time, let's do it.
Just don't tell your mother.
This was it.
My last chance to connect with the men of my family, and I was not gonna let anything ruin it.
We broke so many family rules that night Playing poker, not using coasters, peeing out the back door.
Mom would've killed us.
Pair of kings.
Uh, I-I've got some eights and some sixes.
That's something, right? Boy, that's a full house.
- Oh, this is gonna be good.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Beginner's luck, beginner's luck.
Come on, come on, come on.
Play again.
Deal, deal, deal.
Granddaddy Clisby was right.
My luck started to run out after that.
Poker's all about bluffing.
Just act like you're Kim lying about why she missed curfew, except better.
Don't worry, kid.
I've been winning at poker since I learned to play in a foxhole during the Great War.
So what was it like fighting in World War I? You might be a little young for those stories.
I'm old enough to play poker.
I guess I can tell you one story.
And that's when I shot down the Red Baron.
No, you didn't.
No, he didn't.
Once Granddaddy got started, there was no stopping him.
I heard about trench warfare, mustard gas poisoning, and how he single-handedly saved Paris while falling in love with Josephine Baker.
What about one of your war stories, Dad? - Aw.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tell him about the time that you sliced your finger while cutting a tomato during the battle of ham sandwich.
You see, your brother, Bruce, and I fought in combat while your father was banging pots in the safety of the kitchen.
Well, they say an army marches to battle on its stomach.
Well, you got that right.
You feeling okay? - Need to lay down? - Uh, n-no, I'm fine.
L-Let's keep playing.
And we were marching through this town, see, and I saw this cute little French girl Not appropriate, Dad.
This was it.
This was the bonding moment I'd been waiting for.
I was feeling happy, feeling redeemed, feeling very, very hot.
You okay there, Dean? Oh, you are burning up.
We need to get you to a doctor.
No, no, no, no, we ain't going there.
All right? Y-Y-You can't trust these doctors.
Well, they tell you they're gonna take your blood, then they don't tell you what they're gonna do with it.
Don't listen to him.
This is just nonsense he hears at the barbershop.
You remember your cousin Darnell? Well, he's being treated by some doctors over at Tuskegee in some special studies, but I'm telling you, the man is only getting worse.
Yeah, that's the one the history books still don't talk about enough.
Well, maybe we should just call it a night, then.
No, we have to keep playing! Why is this so important to you, Dean? Because you, Granddaddy, and Bruce have all these things in common.
You go hunting and fishing and do all these manly things, and I don't get to do any of it.
I-I just want to be a part of the Williams men for once.
Dean, that's crazy talk.
You'll always be a Williams man for better or worse.
So, can we still play? Uh, it's my turn to deal.
There goes another pair of clean undies.
Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean! Dean! Can you hear me? All right, you doughboys, it's time to go over the top and lick those Germans.
He's delirious and talking crazy.
We need to go now.
Uh, uh, all right.
Dad! What? Oh, God, my baby.
I-I'm okay, Mom.
You're gonna live, right? Kim was being nice to me? Dang.
I must've been sicker than I thought.
Oh, thank God.
Is he okay? Dean may have gotten a blood infection stemming from the chicken pox.
I'll need to take a blood sample to be sure.
Oh, no, no, I am not getting a shot.
What? Baby, it'll just hurt for a second.
Don't you know that they take your blood and do something secret with it? That's right.
That's why they call it medical practice, because they're practicing on you.
- Dad.
- Exactly.
Just g-give me some goose grease, and I'll be fine.
Wha Goose grease? Dad.
You need to stop.
You're the one who put this foolishness in his head, so you're the one who needs to get it out.
So, maybe you ought to listen to the doctor just this once.
But you wouldn't let them take your blood, Granddad.
You told me.
Maybe if we do this together.
You'd do it? Only if you do it with me.
Uh, okay.
You know what? Bill hasn't seen a doctor in years.
Maybe you should do it, too.
Uh, sure, I'll I'll get my blood drawn from my body.
You, too, Daddy? Now, who wants to go first? Now, now, now, if it's I-if it's about me, um, I want a Black doctor, but no offense.
Offense intended.
Are you sure you went to medical school? Well, w-w-was it a women's medical school? Were men there at that school? This wasn't exactly the bonding experience I'd wanted when we set off on our hunting trip last week, but seeing the sacrifices my family made for me, I felt a new closeness I hadn't anticipated.
We were like blood brothers now.
Is your husband okay with you being a doctor? What husband? I'll let you know when I meet him.
You see? That's what happens when you get an education.
I had set out to create a bonding experience with the men of my family, and it quickly became a disastrous week of chicken pox, goose grease, and bloodletting.
But what I didn't realize was that you can't force these kinds of things You just got to let them happen on their own.
Turns out the moments you don't plan for are the ones that make the best memories.
When we got the blood-test results back, it turned out I had a minor infection that cleared up after some antibiotics.
Well, glad to see you got your appetite back.
- Mm-hmm.
- Must mean you're feeling better.
Maybe I can even go to school tomorrow.
Well, the doctor said she'd call tonight to give the all clear.
" Just doesn't sound right.
I'm just glad that you are back in the kitchen.
Oh, Clisby, the only reason I cook delicious food is to keep that mouth of yours occupied and shut.
You see? That's what happens when you get an education.
Granddaddy surprised everybody with his perfect blood test, proving that he's inexplicably as healthy as a horse.
My dad, on the other hand, found out he has high cholesterol.
Come on, Lil.
Why don't you give me a little piece of that roast? Bill, you had two eggs this morning.
You're already over your limit for the day.
Come on, it's just 'til you get your numbers down.
Mmm! This pot roast is delicious.
Well, maybe you could trade one bite for one egg next week.
So this is how it's gonna be? That must be the doctor calling.
- What's cholesterol? - Oh, baby.
Doctor just told him he can't have any meat - Hello? - so I need to cut back on the bacon.
What? What? What's wrong? Is Dean okay? It's about Bruce.
Thank you.
Uh Bruce was injured in Vietnam.
He's alive, but h-he had He had to get surgery.
They're flying him back to the V.
hospital tomorrow.
It's okay.
It's gonna be okay.

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