Thirtysomething (1987) s03e20 Episode Script
I'm Nobody, Who Are You?
1 [theme.]
[Gary.]
It's like this.
Well, what I'm trying to say is [sighs.]
I've been offered a job.
I mean, it's not a great job.
I mean, the money's not even what I was earning before, but of course, it is money.
It's just I'd have to spend a semester teaching modern American poetry, which is practically an oxymoron.
Of course, I'm probably just oxymoronic enough to teach it.
Anyway, I, um I need some feedback.
[babbles.]
No, no, no, not food back, feedback.
Did you say something? Oh, this.
This is a first.
This is a breakthrough.
This is like TheMiracle Worker when Patty Duke discovered water, only it's cottage cheese, and Emma's cuter.
[Gary.]
Hey, there you go.
- Can I do some? - Yeah, yeah.
Is there any coffee? No, we're out.
I saved you some of mine though.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
Ah.
Oh, you just made a mess.
Hey, you.
Hey, you.
Easy.
Here we go.
Are you going to call him? - Huh? - Did you call? No.
Are you going to take her to work with you today? No, today's her check-up.
And yes, she's a mess.
Where are the wet wipes? They're over in the basket there.
Hey.
Hey, you're just causing all sorts of problems here.
This is This is incredible.
Baby's first curd.
Are you going to call them today? You know, we're doing this wrong.
We're doing this completely wrong.
When she does something for the first time we're supposed to take a picture of her.
Where's the camera? It's around here somewhere.
Gary? It's around here somewhere.
Is it Is it in the bedroom? Did you see it in the bedroom? I thought you were going to tell them yesterday.
Hey, baby.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
If you want to take the job, why can't you just say so? Come here.
Hup.
[whispers.]
I think we got to stop this.
I think I want to take this job.
I made a decision.
Another first.
Too bad we don't have the camera.
Heads up.
These are cool, aren't they? I got this from Lee in the art department.
All right, just listen.
Listen, Elliot.
Miles puts in 100, right? He wants five partners at 10 each.
There's a monthly income.
There's a huge return when they sell.
Plus you get the tax break.
What did you read? A phrase book Conversational Republican? Miles is offering this to friends, okay? That's all this is.
This is just friends.
Yeah, and money.
All right, will you think about it? I don't want to think about it.
I'll just do it.
I'll just do it, too.
What is it? - Hey, Gare.
- How are you doing? So come on.
Where's lunch? I thought I was invited here for lunch.
Hey, lunchtime.
Hey, Catherine.
Yeah.
Thank you, Elliot.
Sure.
What is that thing? So, Gary, how is everything? How's Emma? Oh, still unemployed, but her father's not.
I'm teaching again.
[both.]
Oh, that's great.
That's great.
Listen, Gary.
You're going to play some basketball.
Can I have lunch first? No, no, I'm serious.
- Advertising league.
- Uniforms.
- Lost a player.
- Tendonitis.
- Big game Wednesday.
- Have a dumpling.
- So we're thinking - And then it hit us.
No.
[both.]
Please.
Come on.
Please, Gary.
Why would I want to play for DAA? I don't even work here.
- You think we do? - You'll be a ringer.
We'll say you work in the mail room.
I already have a job.
I have to teach Emily Dickinson.
Teach her what? I can't.
I can't.
Susannah needs me at home, and I I Aw, come on.
You're whipped.
[makes whipping sound.]
Whipped, whipped, whipped.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Give me that.
Um, Charles Barkley's people are here.
They're early.
All right, we better go.
See you.
Charles Barkley's people? Oh, wait.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Charles Barkley's people? We told you about that, didn't we? Yeah, we're doing a spot with him.
You're doing a commercial with Charles Barkley? I thought we told you? Yeah, right.
Like I would've forgotten? No, well, we were going to introduce you and everything.
Yeah, since you're such a good friend and all.
Yeah, plus two courtside seats to the next Sixers game.
Since you're not going to play ball Does it have to be the mail room? I can't believe they're making me start off with Emily Dickinson.
It's ridiculous.
Okay, I'm making a list of stuff we need.
She's incomprehensible.
There was only one guy in grad school who actually understood her.
He dropped out, and now he dips candles.
Bananas, paper towels, daycare.
What should I wear tomorrow? Hmm? What should I wear? I mean, what do you wear to teach Emily Dickinson? Michael's doing a commercial with Charles Barkley.
- Charles Barkley? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, that basketball person? Yeah, that basketball person.
Oh, wet wipes.
We need to speak to the super.
The heat's still not coming on.
And we got to get her on some kind of a schedule.
It's Gary? What? I'm listening.
Wet wipes.
Right? Every morning it's like "Oh, she's still here.
" We've got to get her on a routine.
I know.
Let me just Let me just finish this part.
Light in the refrigerator's out.
Yeah? Tiny light bulb.
Tiny light bulb.
She's never this quiet.
She's probably waiting for the real parents to get here.
She's fine.
If she weren't fine, she'd be screaming.
Yeah.
[baby crying.]
Oh, my God.
What should I do? Give her this.
Take her temperature.
No, will you feel her? She's burning up.
She was fine at the clinic.
That was this morning.
How could this happen? I'll call the clinic.
What's the number? The clinic is closed.
Oh Okay.
I What do we do? Uh, we'll find her book.
We'll look in the book.
Forget the book.
I hate Penelope Peach.
I hate all British people.
- Emma sputtering.]
- Oh, my God.
Gary.
What's that sound she's making? I don't know.
[baby crying.]
Gary? Should I call 911? I'll call 911.
I'll call.
Okay.
Okay.
Hello? Michael, it's Gary.
Emma's really sick.
It's Gary.
The baby's sick.
Oh, Gary I don't know what's wrong with her.
I need to We need to talk to Gary, well, does it sound like barking? It's just like a really strange noise.
Because it's probably the croup, Gary.
- It's sounds like - Like the worst sound ever.
Like the worst sound we've ever heard.
Gary, if it's croup, then you need a humidifier.
We need a humidifier.
Do we have a humidifier? We don't have a humidifier.
Gary, you need a cool-air humidifier.
Do you want me to call my pediatrician? - Should we call a pediatrician? - I don't know.
- Gary.
Gary, listen.
- Yeah.
Listen.
I mean, she'll probably just tell you to take her to the emergency room anyway.
She says to take her to the emergency room.
- Emergency room? - Yes.
Gary.
Gary, is the baby turning blue? Is she turning blue? No, she's not blue.
Why? Gary, hello? Gary, listen.
You should probably take her to the emergency room just to be safe.
I mean, because it's probably the croup, but Gary? Croup.
[both.]
Croup.
Please lay down.
I know.
[baby crying.]
How much do you think this will cost? I don't know.
So you'll be okay with her while I do this? Yeah, we'll be okay.
Oh, boy, they only did a couple of tests.
How much can it be, right? I don't know.
I don't know anything.
Not a thing.
Me, neither.
Oh, bubba.
[coughing.]
How's she doing? Emma, hey, you, come here.
There's no more hot water.
Now we're out of steam.
Well, Hope says we need a cool-air humidifier.
Hope says.
Hope says.
If Hope told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it? Well, yeah, today I would.
Look, okay, okay.
I'll go get a cool-air humidifier.
Oh, come on.
You're going to be late.
It's your first day.
Even you know that's crazy.
Yeah, well, fine.
You can't take her out.
She's sick.
What are you going to do? Will you stop asking me what I'm going to do? I don't know what I'm going to do.
- I live on the edge, all right? - Call somebody.
- Call Hope.
I don't know.
- No.
Look, Gary.
Pardon me.
Let's get something straight here about Hope.
That is about calling Hope.
I mean, I know she's married to your best friend.
I know she's beyond reproach.
I know she breast fed her daughter until she practically begged her to stop.
Fine, do whatever you want to do.
Take Emma to the cleaners.
Let them steam her.
Well, I'm sorry, but I think I can live my life without Hope.
Hope.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm really sorry.
It's really okay.
I really hate disturbing you.
You're not disturbing me.
Really.
Can I come in? Here, let me help you.
Isn't croup fun? You didn't know she could imitate a cocker spaniel, did you? Orange juice? Coffee? What are these? Oh, muffins.
They're a popular baked good.
You didn't have to do all this.
Ginger ale? Oh, yeah.
You let it go flat, and you give it to the baby instead of formula.
And it settles the stomach.
Then they don't dehydrate.
Oh, you really don't want them to dehydrate.
That's important.
Unless, of course, you're really mad at them.
I'm kidding.
Uh, where do you want this? Oh, in Emma's room.
Will you let me pay for that? Oh, I didn't pay for it.
We had two.
It's really scary when they're sick, isn't it? I feel partially responsible.
Oh, only partially? Whenever Jane used to come, I'm sure it's because I'm a bad mother and a terrible person.
Took her to the clinic yesterday for a check-up.
They made us wait six hours.
And then we never saw an actual doctor.
It was just one of those practitioners which, I mean, you know, I support whole-heartedly.
The medical community needs that.
It's just difficult, you know, when Right.
I mean, when it's your baby.
Do you want our pediatrician's number? Oh, no, thanks.
Really.
We've disturbed you enough as it is.
Oh, you wouldn't be disturbing me.
You'd be disturbing my pediatrician, who wouldn't be disturbed.
I can't afford your pediatrician.
Well, how do you know? I mean, what about Gary's new job? They must have given him a health plan.
Oh, yeah, and there's a deductible.
Cost us $700 just for two hours in the emergency room.
I mean, Gary and I both have jobs, and we're barely getting by.
I don't know what people do when their kids get sick.
I don't mean people like you.
In what way was she weird? I mean, she's always weird, but what way was she weirder? I don't know.
I think they're both under a lot of strain.
Why? Did someone tell Gary that Simon and Garfunkel broke up? I brought her this humidifier and Oh, Hope, how unkind.
No, and she was very cold.
She's always cold.
In what way was she colder? Come on.
You can tell me.
I'm your best friend.
What? Is she your new best friend? Oh, come on.
You know what she said? She said that they were both barely getting by.
Who's barely getting by? Gary and Susannah.
Those were her words.
Oh, Gary can't be poor.
Just think what he must spend on conditioner.
Ellyn.
No, really, though.
That poor image.
Isn't that something they just kind of put on to seem principled? Well, you know, Ellyn Could you put the potatoes on the table, please.
Honey, where's Janey? She's upstairs practicing her oboe.
Janey? Hush, little baby.
Don't say a word Daddy's going to buy you a mocking bird And if that mocking bird don't sing Daddy's going to buy you Why is it freezing? It's April.
Stupid, materialistic lullaby, right? Hi, baby.
Extolling the virtues of waste and greed.
Why is his room so cold? Unfortunately, it's true, though.
I do want to buy you things.
I talk to the super, and he nods.
And it's still cold.
You know what I've been trying to figure out? All right, explain this to me.
First there's a cart and a bull.
Two incredibly useful items for an infant.
And then when the dog won't bark, there's the cart and the horse.
All right, why two carts? I don't know.
I just want her to be warm.
Cart doesn't even rhyme with bark.
Maybe we should ask your mother to buy us a space heater.
I never even used to think of heat, growing up.
Or maybe we can move her into our room until the cold snap's over.
I mean, it was just the house was warm.
Then it was air-conditioned.
Then it was warm again.
A person should have their own room, not their own nook.
I want her to have her own place.
I'm going to go put another blanket on her.
I got to figure out a way to make some money.
I mean some real money.
You're not arguing with me.
No, I'm not.
We actually have money now.
That's all I'm saying.
I know.
Yeah, so this real estate thing is a good idea, huh? Yeah, I can't get used to the idea.
Having money.
So Susannah said she and Gary were barely making it, huh? She pretty much did, yeah.
You know, it might be possible I mean, I have to see if I can even do this, but I could invest $10,000 for me and then I could invest another $10,000 for him.
For Gary, you know.
I might be able to handle that.
Michael, you can't do favors like that for people.
Why not? Because they'll never forgive you.
This isn't people.
This is Gary.
So it's different.
Good night.
Ooh.
Good night.
So Hope was right.
It was croup, huh? Oh, Hope's always right, Michael.
Yeah, well, that'll be $75, and we don't take checks.
Hey, Gary, you played pretty well, you know.
Thanks.
DAA.
DAA.
[all.]
DAA.
[toilet flushes.]
[all scream.]
Aw, thanks a lot! Come on.
[Man.]
Got you.
Michael, have you ever thought about using a less abrasive shampoo? It might help you with that ringworm.
I'm out of here.
You know, speaking of Emma, who's all fine and everything now, but I had this sort of like incredible idea.
I mean, last night Uh-huh.
Sort of a business idea.
I was thinking You know what? There's probably like a real demand for these days? Lullabies? Yeah.
Yeah, think about it.
I mean, there are no decent lullabies.
They're all about babies falling out of trees or blackbirds eating noses.
I mean, it's like a Bryan De Palma movie.
So I thought, Why not rewrite the words to reflect people's lives? Rock-a-bye baby here on my chest It's too bad your dad is post-natally depressed You're depressed? No, no, no, that's just an example.
And, of course, I'd need a recording studio, and I thought maybe you could help me out with that part.
And this would be for fun? No, no, it's like a business thing.
Hey, Gary? - It's a great idea.
- Yeah.
I I mean, we still have to refine it a bit.
Gary, there's this thing that I've been offered.
I was thinking Hey, you played really well, man.
Thanks.
Yeah, I was thinking, uh You were thinking what? Well, see, um Well, I'm going in on this deal at work through Miles Drentell.
It's a commercial building in City Line.
You know, you invest, and you get a monthly income.
Right.
So I was thinking that maybe you and I could go in on it together.
See, I would invest $10,000 for me, and then I would invest another $10,000 for you.
And then in a few years when the building sells, I would get my money back and you could keep the increase.
Well, just think about it, all right? I mean, it's not your idea, which is great.
Right.
I hope that didn't sound strange.
Strange in what way? Well, I mean, you know, not strange, just, uh, well You know, man, I wouldn't do this for anybody.
This is us, and you said that you were interested in something real.
This is real.
Sounds real.
Yeah.
All right, I got to go.
Um That was a great game.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
See you.
[Gary.]
Susannah, have you seen my really beat-up copy of Emily Dickinson? What? Have you seen my really beat-up copy of Emily Dickinson? It's there.
No, no, no, the other one from college.
I wrote notes in the margins.
Hm-mmm.
Oh, God, maybe it's in with the cookbooks.
Oh, Gary, uh, look.
Gary? - Gary? - What? Look, I'm going to take Emma with me into work.
I mean, what else can I do? She's not barking anymore.
What's this? 103 Broom.
What's that? The address to that daycare center.
The one with the vacancy.
We've got to start using memo pads.
- This is ridiculous.
- That should fix things.
I went there.
And? It sucked.
Could you maybe elaborate a little bit? It sucked eggs.
It was over-crowded.
It was disorganized.
Well, she should feel at home, hey? Come here, sweetie.
What about that place I saw advertised? I wrote I wrote the number down on a napkin or something.
What's this? "Dinner Thurs.
" What is this? What is this? Hope called.
I said yes.
Without asking me.
I checked your paper towel.
You were free.
Mm-hmm.
Well, why didn't Michael mention it? Isn't that the custom in your tribe? Men hunt and play basketball, the women gather kindling and dinner dates.
Where is this stupid book? [sighs.]
Well, why don't you just call her back and tell her we couldn't find a sitter? No way.
She probably thinks I dislike her as it is.
Now, why would she think that? Because I sort of almost do sometimes.
Why? She's been incredibly helpful.
Exactly.
Why don't you want to go? I don't know.
I just don't think we should be going out.
I don't think we should be spending money on a sitter.
Rosey volunteered.
I think she's sort of looking forward to it.
Look, I'm sorry.
I should've checked with you first.
No, no, look, it's fine.
If you want to go, we'll go.
It's just I don't know.
I I guess I just don't understand people anymore.
Who don't you understand? I don't know.
Emily Dickinson.
I got to go.
I'm going to be late.
All right.
Bye, sweetie.
- Bye, honey.
- Bye.
Okay.
[clears throat.]
Emily Dickinson.
All right.
"I'm nobody.
Who are you? "Are you nobody, too? "Then there's a pair of us? "Don't tell.
They'd banish us, you know.
" All right, so Ow.
[chuckles.]
Okay, what do we have here? We have We have a woman who's admitting she's nobody.
Or actually more than admitting, she's enjoying it, right? In a kind of Well, you could describe it One could describe it as an existential exploration of "egolessness" if you will.
Um, any questions? Uh, yes? Yes, by employing such phrases as "existential exploration" and "if you will," aren't you attempting to boost your own ego? I'm referring to your lack of tenure.
Your lack of ambition.
The fact that you've never even met Charles Barkley.
What? I've never what? But isn't his lack of ambition a smoke screen to mask his deep hunger for approval? No, that's not even a fair statement.
Sure it is.
I mean, we see this kind of behavior in Emily Dickinson who keeps her poems locked away in a drawer for years Now, listen, I'm glad you brought Emily Dickinson up.
Let's talk about her.
Yes, but Emily Dickinson was a genius.
He's just an assistant professor at a second-rate city college.
Come on.
Come on.
Let's not let this degenerate here.
Yes? Yeah, this is kind of a two-part question.
When you first encountered Emily Dickinson's poetry as an undergraduate At Penn, yes.
did it ever occur to you that Michael Steadman would end up earning so much more money than you? [Student.]
You know, that is a great question.
No, hey, wait a minute.
And second, regarding those sneakers, I mean, do you wear them because you can't afford new ones or are they just some kind of metaphor? Well, uh Okay, if there aren't any questions, then we'll just break early.
[Student.]
All right.
Great class, man.
[Student #2.]
Yeah, very disturbing.
Uh-huh.
Great.
Great.
I'll have it for you tomorrow.
Okay.
Thank you.
No, hey, listen.
First they rub you all over with the sea salt, and then they cover you with oil and wrap you with all these hot towels.
Yeah, and then they throw you out of a moving car, right? Yeah, but aren't those places incredibly expensive? Come on, Hope.
You can afford it.
Susannah, you look great, but you look Did you do something with your hair? Just stopped washing it.
[both chuckle.]
I've got this place where everybody should go.
My editor told me about this retreat in upstate New York.
It's supposed to be really peaceful.
A kind of basket weaving kind of peaceful.
It's run by these Quakers.
Yeah, first they rub oatmeal all over your whole body.
Good evening.
Tonight we have the orange roughy.
It's swimming in a light tomato cream sauce.
It's 22.
95.
Yeah, the roughy is very good here, if you like roughy, which I don't.
Well, actually everything here is really good.
We have the sea bass.
It's grilled.
It comes with avocado butter and is $21.
And the gnocchi.
They're hand rolled, stuffed with parmesan and pumpkin.
17.
50.
Um, I'm just going to have the Caeser salad, please.
Two.
Yeah, I'm going to have that rolled thing - Gnocchi.
- Gnocchi.
Yeah, yeah.
Gnocchi.
Yeah, that thing.
And I'll have another wine.
Should I get us some wine for the table? I'll get a bottle.
Yeah? [Nancy.]
That would be great.
[Hope.]
I'm sure there's lots of decent sitters out there somewhere.
[Susannah.]
Oh, yeah, I know, but I'm just saying.
I mean, the baby is so young.
She's not even a toddler.
Hey, well, you know, there's just as many studies that show there are no ill effects of daycares.
If there are, I'm sure it's harmless.
Yeah, no, I know.
People have to make a choice, but I just think it's difficult.
We have no choice.
Do you mind if we only split No, no, hey, I got it.
I got it.
Whoa, whoa.
Too little too late.
Okay.
[chatter.]
You're welcome.
Well, thanks.
Yeah, oh, here, look.
Courtside seats.
You didn't have to do that.
Yeah, come on.
It was a deal.
Well, thanks again.
Yeah, did you give any more thought to what we were talking about? What were we talking about? You know, the real estate thing.
All right, well, I'll talk to you about it later, all right? - Okay.
- Okay.
What real estate thing? [Gary.]
I didn't mention it to you because I knew how you'd feel about it.
I mean, I don't know all the details, but it's obviously not something we'd want to get involved in.
If you think I'm considering it, forget it because I'm not considering it.
Is that why you're angry here? Because I didn't mention it to you? Is that it? I don't know why I'm angry.
Me, neither.
Do you have any idea how much that bottle of wine must have cost? Uh-huh.
Well, this is great, Elliot.
This is just what we talked about.
Thanks.
So you met him, huh? Yeah, I met him.
And I'm about to have a meeting with him.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
Hey.
- Shepherd.
- Hi.
Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.
See you.
This is perfect timing.
Charles Barkley's here.
Come on and meet him.
No, no, no, I can't.
I'm not even really here.
I just wanted to make sure you got the tickets for tonight.
I don't want those, man.
Those are yours.
You don't understand.
I can't use them.
Well, I got all these lectures to prepare and everything, all right? Okay, all right.
At least meet him.
I don't want to meet him, okay? Okay.
I'm nobody to this guy.
Okay, but I got to meet him, so I got a meeting with him.
Well, that makes me a little uncomfortable.
What does? Well, you know, that everyone admires him and you're exploiting that emotion to sell a product.
Well, you have no idea.
Our plan is to be a very classy campaign.
That justifies it? Hey, Gary, I don't have to justify anything.
Well, maybe you do.
Maybe that's why you're trying to drag me into this real estate crap.
What? Yeah, safety in numbers.
You know, getting all your friends together Whoa, whoa.
What are you talking about? Tell me something.
How many people are you going to put out of work for that building? I don't believe this, Gary.
I'll see you later.
I can't believe you haven't considered the consequences of this politically.
Hey.
The building was empty, all right? You are so off base right now.
Yeah, you want to tell yourself that? That's fine.
I don't believe this.
I came to you as a friend, all right? I was trying to help.
Yeah, and I'm supposed to just let you help me.
I can't, Gary.
I have work to do.
So you feel better, is that it? You think because you don't have money you're better than me? - Is that what you think? - Just leave me out of this.
Catherine, are there any phone calls? Good.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Look, I know you have it, all right? It's It's I don't think I do.
You hungry? No, but you borrowed it, remember? At my other apartment where the stove exploded.
You said, "Can I borrow it? I'll return it.
"I promise I'll return it.
" I have no memory of this.
- Well, you did.
- I don't even get poetry.
Then what did you keep it so long for? Gary, I don't have it.
You know, it's okay if you feel like seeing me.
You don't have to pretend that I kidnapped some book.
Aha.
- That's it? - Yes.
I've been wondering what that was.
Oh, my God.
I've been I mean this has got all my lecture notes.
You know, I've been living here for six years.
That book's been here as long as that.
I never knew what it was.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Where are all Where are all my lecture notes? I had these great, insightful notes in here.
Well, here's something.
What's that? It's the address and phone number of a girl I was trying to sleep with.
Oh.
Well, what's that? [Gary chuckles.]
Oh, that's a list of the reasons why she should sleep with me.
My God, what was I doing? I wasn't even paying attention.
I haven't been paying attention.
Oh, you're the babysitter.
Yeah, hi, come on in.
Oh, good, so she's not here.
I mean Yeah, she's here.
She was just going to take a bath.
You want to wait a second? I can check.
No.
Uh, I just wanted to return this.
Um, can I leave this down here? Hi, Janey.
[Hope.]
Wendy, is that somebody? [whispers.]
No.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Actually, I was working on this article about this incinerator disaster, and my back was killing me.
You really don't have to explain taking a bath.
I know.
I just don't want you to think that I What? I don't want you to think that I'd hire a sitter just to take a bath.
Well, why not if you can? Well, I can't.
Well, I guess maybe I can, but I don't.
Okay, you don't.
Look, I just [sighs.]
Look, I just wanted to return the humidifier.
But I gave it to you.
We have another one.
We don't need it.
Well, we don't need it, either.
Fine.
Fine.
Give it to me.
Fine.
It's not that I don't appreciate everything But just stop doing it.
Fine, I will.
Hope.
Hope, wait a second.
No, I'm sorry.
I was just doing what people do for their friends, but I can stop.
Well, now that's interesting because I'm not really sure we are.
What? We're not friends? Well, clearly we are in that we know a lot of the same people and therefore have to deal with each other all the time.
Here's my point.
I am an extremely independent person.
Me, too.
I have my own way of doing things.
Same here.
And I feel I'm sorry.
I feel as if you're looking down on me.
Yeah, well, I feel the same way.
And consequently, that makes me You feel the same way? Yeah.
I mean, ever since I met you, it's like you think that you're better than I am.
Well, now this is very ironic.
Yeah, it's absurd.
I mean, I feel humiliated because you caught me taking a bath.
Maybe I should be out building affordable housing or something.
Why shouldn't you have a bath? I'd kill for a bath.
We're always out of hot water.
Oh, shut up.
Shut up? Yes, I'm tired of you throwing it up to me how hard you have it.
I am? Yes, and you know what? It's not my fault.
Well, then stop apologizing for having money.
Nobody's holding it against you.
You are.
- I am? - Yeah.
You won't look me in the eyes.
You don't call me unless your baby has croup.
Well, maybe I'm introverted.
Did that ever occur to you? I'm shy.
And you have two humidifiers and plenty of hot water and 7,000 friends.
You're lucky.
You know why they had that argument, Michael and Gary.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
Fear of smallness.
Exactly.
Oh, my God.
That's the whole thing.
That's why there's wars and the Empire State Building.
And NASA.
That's why there's NASA.
Explains a lot.
The thing is no matter how much you reassure them, they never really believe you.
They just never believe you.
As long as he's satisfied.
[chuckles.]
Found a daycare center I liked today.
What? You did? Really? Yeah, it's really nice which is why there's no available space.
We're on the waiting list.
Honey? That describes us.
Huh? Do you want some honey with that? Oh, uh, no, I'm fine.
Thanks.
Gary, are you going to make up with Michael? What? Make up with him? Are you going to tell him you're sorry? Look, I said what I said as much for you as for me.
I know how you feel about this kind of thing.
Why do you always do that? You don't know how I feel about it.
I don't know how I feel about it.
I think you're jealous.
I think you're jealous of your friend.
Come on.
Oh, what? You'd feel comfortable taking his money? - No.
- Well? But I'll do it.
I'm doing a lot of things I never thought I'd do.
I've got a lot of work to do in here.
Okay.
[sighs.]
I can't concentrate on Emily Dickinson.
I don't know what this means.
Why don't you just put it aside? Come on.
Give yourself a rest.
Take a break.
You'll probably be up half the night anyway.
Just give yourself a break.
All right.
[groans.]
I am jealous.
I know.
I know.
[Woman.]
Would you hand me those, please? What? Wild flowers.
They fell out of my basket.
I'm sort of I'm really I have a lot of work to do.
But sure.
But, yeah, sure.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Who are you? Nobody.
Who are you? Oh, could you Could you I'm in big trouble here.
Could you explain this to me, please? Explain what? This.
All of this.
I mean, you wrote it.
You're Emily Dickinson.
I mean, you must understand it.
God knows I don't, and I have to.
Why? Because I have to be able to explain it to my class.
I have to be able to explain myself to my friends.
Why? Why? Because if I can't explain what you wrote, then I'm not even a teacher.
And if I'm not even a teacher, then I'm nobody.
You? You seem so confident.
Yeah, well, that's an act.
That's all an act.
I I feel like a total failure.
Everyone I know is more successful than I am.
Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar requires sorest need.
I wrote that.
That's in the book.
Just cut the crap, all right? Are you going to help me or not? I can't help you.
I'm nobody If you can't, who can? Also, I don't think I like you.
You've got a very poor attitude.
Okay, wait.
Wait.
Please You have no sense of perspective.
Just look.
You have this beautiful poem right under your nose, and you're not even grateful.
Which poem? Which Show me.
It's not my poem.
It's yours.
Emma.
- Yeah.
- Right over there is perfect.
- Okay.
- Great.
All right, so I'll sign this.
- [Michael.]
Oh, good.
- [Catherine.]
Right there.
- Okay, so right here.
- Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
[Michael.]
Good.
Thanks.
Can I get you something to drink? Some what? Can I get you something to drink? No, thank you.
Wow.
This is really big.
It's really big.
Yeah.
Listen, I'm, uh [chuckles.]
This is really strange.
What is? Seeing you behind that desk.
Well, I'm sorry.
This is my desk.
No, right.
I know.
It's just what are you doing here? You know? When did this happen? I don't know.
Right.
Okay, I'll get to the point.
I know you're really busy.
No, please take all the time you need.
Just do me a favor, all right? And don't do that.
- Don't do what? - That polite thing.
I mean, that's not Wait a minute.
You want to know what I'm doing here? I'm making a living.
I'm making money.
It's just strange.
No, I don't think it's strange.
It's money.
You don't like that I have it.
I'm sorry.
I have it.
I'm stuck with it.
Well, what I said the other day I shouldn't have said.
And what I should've said was thank you.
But anyway, I've had a few hours of sleep in a row [clears throat.]
and I was just wondering if, uh you know, if the offer's still good.
Come on.
Say something.
I'm willing to do it.
You know, it's up to you.
Thanks.
You know, I'd be getting something out of it, too.
You know, it's like It's like having company as opposed to being alone.
So it's up to you if you think you can handle it.
Oh, I can handle it.
It's just I wouldn't want to do anything [groans.]
Screw up our friendship? Yeah, like it almost did.
Yeah, almost did.
We better not do it.
I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
But I am.
I'm coming.
Oh, right.
Right.
I wish I wish I could use those tickets, you know.
- Next time, okay? - Yeah.
I I have to deal with this guy.
It's It's Charles Barkley's publicist.
[both chuckle.]
Charles Barkley's publicist.
- Hey, Gary? - Yeah? Well, don't leave yet.
I'll be right back.
Yeah.
Okay.
Go get them.
[phone rings.]
Hello? Hello? Um, no, he had to go meet with someone.
Nobody.
Just a friend of his.
[dial tone.]
Closed-Captioned By J.
R.
Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA And dance by the light of the moon
[Gary.]
It's like this.
Well, what I'm trying to say is [sighs.]
I've been offered a job.
I mean, it's not a great job.
I mean, the money's not even what I was earning before, but of course, it is money.
It's just I'd have to spend a semester teaching modern American poetry, which is practically an oxymoron.
Of course, I'm probably just oxymoronic enough to teach it.
Anyway, I, um I need some feedback.
[babbles.]
No, no, no, not food back, feedback.
Did you say something? Oh, this.
This is a first.
This is a breakthrough.
This is like TheMiracle Worker when Patty Duke discovered water, only it's cottage cheese, and Emma's cuter.
[Gary.]
Hey, there you go.
- Can I do some? - Yeah, yeah.
Is there any coffee? No, we're out.
I saved you some of mine though.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
Ah.
Oh, you just made a mess.
Hey, you.
Hey, you.
Easy.
Here we go.
Are you going to call him? - Huh? - Did you call? No.
Are you going to take her to work with you today? No, today's her check-up.
And yes, she's a mess.
Where are the wet wipes? They're over in the basket there.
Hey.
Hey, you're just causing all sorts of problems here.
This is This is incredible.
Baby's first curd.
Are you going to call them today? You know, we're doing this wrong.
We're doing this completely wrong.
When she does something for the first time we're supposed to take a picture of her.
Where's the camera? It's around here somewhere.
Gary? It's around here somewhere.
Is it Is it in the bedroom? Did you see it in the bedroom? I thought you were going to tell them yesterday.
Hey, baby.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
If you want to take the job, why can't you just say so? Come here.
Hup.
[whispers.]
I think we got to stop this.
I think I want to take this job.
I made a decision.
Another first.
Too bad we don't have the camera.
Heads up.
These are cool, aren't they? I got this from Lee in the art department.
All right, just listen.
Listen, Elliot.
Miles puts in 100, right? He wants five partners at 10 each.
There's a monthly income.
There's a huge return when they sell.
Plus you get the tax break.
What did you read? A phrase book Conversational Republican? Miles is offering this to friends, okay? That's all this is.
This is just friends.
Yeah, and money.
All right, will you think about it? I don't want to think about it.
I'll just do it.
I'll just do it, too.
What is it? - Hey, Gare.
- How are you doing? So come on.
Where's lunch? I thought I was invited here for lunch.
Hey, lunchtime.
Hey, Catherine.
Yeah.
Thank you, Elliot.
Sure.
What is that thing? So, Gary, how is everything? How's Emma? Oh, still unemployed, but her father's not.
I'm teaching again.
[both.]
Oh, that's great.
That's great.
Listen, Gary.
You're going to play some basketball.
Can I have lunch first? No, no, I'm serious.
- Advertising league.
- Uniforms.
- Lost a player.
- Tendonitis.
- Big game Wednesday.
- Have a dumpling.
- So we're thinking - And then it hit us.
No.
[both.]
Please.
Come on.
Please, Gary.
Why would I want to play for DAA? I don't even work here.
- You think we do? - You'll be a ringer.
We'll say you work in the mail room.
I already have a job.
I have to teach Emily Dickinson.
Teach her what? I can't.
I can't.
Susannah needs me at home, and I I Aw, come on.
You're whipped.
[makes whipping sound.]
Whipped, whipped, whipped.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Give me that.
Um, Charles Barkley's people are here.
They're early.
All right, we better go.
See you.
Charles Barkley's people? Oh, wait.
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Charles Barkley's people? We told you about that, didn't we? Yeah, we're doing a spot with him.
You're doing a commercial with Charles Barkley? I thought we told you? Yeah, right.
Like I would've forgotten? No, well, we were going to introduce you and everything.
Yeah, since you're such a good friend and all.
Yeah, plus two courtside seats to the next Sixers game.
Since you're not going to play ball Does it have to be the mail room? I can't believe they're making me start off with Emily Dickinson.
It's ridiculous.
Okay, I'm making a list of stuff we need.
She's incomprehensible.
There was only one guy in grad school who actually understood her.
He dropped out, and now he dips candles.
Bananas, paper towels, daycare.
What should I wear tomorrow? Hmm? What should I wear? I mean, what do you wear to teach Emily Dickinson? Michael's doing a commercial with Charles Barkley.
- Charles Barkley? - Mm-hmm.
Oh, that basketball person? Yeah, that basketball person.
Oh, wet wipes.
We need to speak to the super.
The heat's still not coming on.
And we got to get her on some kind of a schedule.
It's Gary? What? I'm listening.
Wet wipes.
Right? Every morning it's like "Oh, she's still here.
" We've got to get her on a routine.
I know.
Let me just Let me just finish this part.
Light in the refrigerator's out.
Yeah? Tiny light bulb.
Tiny light bulb.
She's never this quiet.
She's probably waiting for the real parents to get here.
She's fine.
If she weren't fine, she'd be screaming.
Yeah.
[baby crying.]
Oh, my God.
What should I do? Give her this.
Take her temperature.
No, will you feel her? She's burning up.
She was fine at the clinic.
That was this morning.
How could this happen? I'll call the clinic.
What's the number? The clinic is closed.
Oh Okay.
I What do we do? Uh, we'll find her book.
We'll look in the book.
Forget the book.
I hate Penelope Peach.
I hate all British people.
- Emma sputtering.]
- Oh, my God.
Gary.
What's that sound she's making? I don't know.
[baby crying.]
Gary? Should I call 911? I'll call 911.
I'll call.
Okay.
Okay.
Hello? Michael, it's Gary.
Emma's really sick.
It's Gary.
The baby's sick.
Oh, Gary I don't know what's wrong with her.
I need to We need to talk to Gary, well, does it sound like barking? It's just like a really strange noise.
Because it's probably the croup, Gary.
- It's sounds like - Like the worst sound ever.
Like the worst sound we've ever heard.
Gary, if it's croup, then you need a humidifier.
We need a humidifier.
Do we have a humidifier? We don't have a humidifier.
Gary, you need a cool-air humidifier.
Do you want me to call my pediatrician? - Should we call a pediatrician? - I don't know.
- Gary.
Gary, listen.
- Yeah.
Listen.
I mean, she'll probably just tell you to take her to the emergency room anyway.
She says to take her to the emergency room.
- Emergency room? - Yes.
Gary.
Gary, is the baby turning blue? Is she turning blue? No, she's not blue.
Why? Gary, hello? Gary, listen.
You should probably take her to the emergency room just to be safe.
I mean, because it's probably the croup, but Gary? Croup.
[both.]
Croup.
Please lay down.
I know.
[baby crying.]
How much do you think this will cost? I don't know.
So you'll be okay with her while I do this? Yeah, we'll be okay.
Oh, boy, they only did a couple of tests.
How much can it be, right? I don't know.
I don't know anything.
Not a thing.
Me, neither.
Oh, bubba.
[coughing.]
How's she doing? Emma, hey, you, come here.
There's no more hot water.
Now we're out of steam.
Well, Hope says we need a cool-air humidifier.
Hope says.
Hope says.
If Hope told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it? Well, yeah, today I would.
Look, okay, okay.
I'll go get a cool-air humidifier.
Oh, come on.
You're going to be late.
It's your first day.
Even you know that's crazy.
Yeah, well, fine.
You can't take her out.
She's sick.
What are you going to do? Will you stop asking me what I'm going to do? I don't know what I'm going to do.
- I live on the edge, all right? - Call somebody.
- Call Hope.
I don't know.
- No.
Look, Gary.
Pardon me.
Let's get something straight here about Hope.
That is about calling Hope.
I mean, I know she's married to your best friend.
I know she's beyond reproach.
I know she breast fed her daughter until she practically begged her to stop.
Fine, do whatever you want to do.
Take Emma to the cleaners.
Let them steam her.
Well, I'm sorry, but I think I can live my life without Hope.
Hope.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm really sorry.
It's really okay.
I really hate disturbing you.
You're not disturbing me.
Really.
Can I come in? Here, let me help you.
Isn't croup fun? You didn't know she could imitate a cocker spaniel, did you? Orange juice? Coffee? What are these? Oh, muffins.
They're a popular baked good.
You didn't have to do all this.
Ginger ale? Oh, yeah.
You let it go flat, and you give it to the baby instead of formula.
And it settles the stomach.
Then they don't dehydrate.
Oh, you really don't want them to dehydrate.
That's important.
Unless, of course, you're really mad at them.
I'm kidding.
Uh, where do you want this? Oh, in Emma's room.
Will you let me pay for that? Oh, I didn't pay for it.
We had two.
It's really scary when they're sick, isn't it? I feel partially responsible.
Oh, only partially? Whenever Jane used to come, I'm sure it's because I'm a bad mother and a terrible person.
Took her to the clinic yesterday for a check-up.
They made us wait six hours.
And then we never saw an actual doctor.
It was just one of those practitioners which, I mean, you know, I support whole-heartedly.
The medical community needs that.
It's just difficult, you know, when Right.
I mean, when it's your baby.
Do you want our pediatrician's number? Oh, no, thanks.
Really.
We've disturbed you enough as it is.
Oh, you wouldn't be disturbing me.
You'd be disturbing my pediatrician, who wouldn't be disturbed.
I can't afford your pediatrician.
Well, how do you know? I mean, what about Gary's new job? They must have given him a health plan.
Oh, yeah, and there's a deductible.
Cost us $700 just for two hours in the emergency room.
I mean, Gary and I both have jobs, and we're barely getting by.
I don't know what people do when their kids get sick.
I don't mean people like you.
In what way was she weird? I mean, she's always weird, but what way was she weirder? I don't know.
I think they're both under a lot of strain.
Why? Did someone tell Gary that Simon and Garfunkel broke up? I brought her this humidifier and Oh, Hope, how unkind.
No, and she was very cold.
She's always cold.
In what way was she colder? Come on.
You can tell me.
I'm your best friend.
What? Is she your new best friend? Oh, come on.
You know what she said? She said that they were both barely getting by.
Who's barely getting by? Gary and Susannah.
Those were her words.
Oh, Gary can't be poor.
Just think what he must spend on conditioner.
Ellyn.
No, really, though.
That poor image.
Isn't that something they just kind of put on to seem principled? Well, you know, Ellyn Could you put the potatoes on the table, please.
Honey, where's Janey? She's upstairs practicing her oboe.
Janey? Hush, little baby.
Don't say a word Daddy's going to buy you a mocking bird And if that mocking bird don't sing Daddy's going to buy you Why is it freezing? It's April.
Stupid, materialistic lullaby, right? Hi, baby.
Extolling the virtues of waste and greed.
Why is his room so cold? Unfortunately, it's true, though.
I do want to buy you things.
I talk to the super, and he nods.
And it's still cold.
You know what I've been trying to figure out? All right, explain this to me.
First there's a cart and a bull.
Two incredibly useful items for an infant.
And then when the dog won't bark, there's the cart and the horse.
All right, why two carts? I don't know.
I just want her to be warm.
Cart doesn't even rhyme with bark.
Maybe we should ask your mother to buy us a space heater.
I never even used to think of heat, growing up.
Or maybe we can move her into our room until the cold snap's over.
I mean, it was just the house was warm.
Then it was air-conditioned.
Then it was warm again.
A person should have their own room, not their own nook.
I want her to have her own place.
I'm going to go put another blanket on her.
I got to figure out a way to make some money.
I mean some real money.
You're not arguing with me.
No, I'm not.
We actually have money now.
That's all I'm saying.
I know.
Yeah, so this real estate thing is a good idea, huh? Yeah, I can't get used to the idea.
Having money.
So Susannah said she and Gary were barely making it, huh? She pretty much did, yeah.
You know, it might be possible I mean, I have to see if I can even do this, but I could invest $10,000 for me and then I could invest another $10,000 for him.
For Gary, you know.
I might be able to handle that.
Michael, you can't do favors like that for people.
Why not? Because they'll never forgive you.
This isn't people.
This is Gary.
So it's different.
Good night.
Ooh.
Good night.
So Hope was right.
It was croup, huh? Oh, Hope's always right, Michael.
Yeah, well, that'll be $75, and we don't take checks.
Hey, Gary, you played pretty well, you know.
Thanks.
DAA.
DAA.
[all.]
DAA.
[toilet flushes.]
[all scream.]
Aw, thanks a lot! Come on.
[Man.]
Got you.
Michael, have you ever thought about using a less abrasive shampoo? It might help you with that ringworm.
I'm out of here.
You know, speaking of Emma, who's all fine and everything now, but I had this sort of like incredible idea.
I mean, last night Uh-huh.
Sort of a business idea.
I was thinking You know what? There's probably like a real demand for these days? Lullabies? Yeah.
Yeah, think about it.
I mean, there are no decent lullabies.
They're all about babies falling out of trees or blackbirds eating noses.
I mean, it's like a Bryan De Palma movie.
So I thought, Why not rewrite the words to reflect people's lives? Rock-a-bye baby here on my chest It's too bad your dad is post-natally depressed You're depressed? No, no, no, that's just an example.
And, of course, I'd need a recording studio, and I thought maybe you could help me out with that part.
And this would be for fun? No, no, it's like a business thing.
Hey, Gary? - It's a great idea.
- Yeah.
I I mean, we still have to refine it a bit.
Gary, there's this thing that I've been offered.
I was thinking Hey, you played really well, man.
Thanks.
Yeah, I was thinking, uh You were thinking what? Well, see, um Well, I'm going in on this deal at work through Miles Drentell.
It's a commercial building in City Line.
You know, you invest, and you get a monthly income.
Right.
So I was thinking that maybe you and I could go in on it together.
See, I would invest $10,000 for me, and then I would invest another $10,000 for you.
And then in a few years when the building sells, I would get my money back and you could keep the increase.
Well, just think about it, all right? I mean, it's not your idea, which is great.
Right.
I hope that didn't sound strange.
Strange in what way? Well, I mean, you know, not strange, just, uh, well You know, man, I wouldn't do this for anybody.
This is us, and you said that you were interested in something real.
This is real.
Sounds real.
Yeah.
All right, I got to go.
Um That was a great game.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
See you.
[Gary.]
Susannah, have you seen my really beat-up copy of Emily Dickinson? What? Have you seen my really beat-up copy of Emily Dickinson? It's there.
No, no, no, the other one from college.
I wrote notes in the margins.
Hm-mmm.
Oh, God, maybe it's in with the cookbooks.
Oh, Gary, uh, look.
Gary? - Gary? - What? Look, I'm going to take Emma with me into work.
I mean, what else can I do? She's not barking anymore.
What's this? 103 Broom.
What's that? The address to that daycare center.
The one with the vacancy.
We've got to start using memo pads.
- This is ridiculous.
- That should fix things.
I went there.
And? It sucked.
Could you maybe elaborate a little bit? It sucked eggs.
It was over-crowded.
It was disorganized.
Well, she should feel at home, hey? Come here, sweetie.
What about that place I saw advertised? I wrote I wrote the number down on a napkin or something.
What's this? "Dinner Thurs.
" What is this? What is this? Hope called.
I said yes.
Without asking me.
I checked your paper towel.
You were free.
Mm-hmm.
Well, why didn't Michael mention it? Isn't that the custom in your tribe? Men hunt and play basketball, the women gather kindling and dinner dates.
Where is this stupid book? [sighs.]
Well, why don't you just call her back and tell her we couldn't find a sitter? No way.
She probably thinks I dislike her as it is.
Now, why would she think that? Because I sort of almost do sometimes.
Why? She's been incredibly helpful.
Exactly.
Why don't you want to go? I don't know.
I just don't think we should be going out.
I don't think we should be spending money on a sitter.
Rosey volunteered.
I think she's sort of looking forward to it.
Look, I'm sorry.
I should've checked with you first.
No, no, look, it's fine.
If you want to go, we'll go.
It's just I don't know.
I I guess I just don't understand people anymore.
Who don't you understand? I don't know.
Emily Dickinson.
I got to go.
I'm going to be late.
All right.
Bye, sweetie.
- Bye, honey.
- Bye.
Okay.
[clears throat.]
Emily Dickinson.
All right.
"I'm nobody.
Who are you? "Are you nobody, too? "Then there's a pair of us? "Don't tell.
They'd banish us, you know.
" All right, so Ow.
[chuckles.]
Okay, what do we have here? We have We have a woman who's admitting she's nobody.
Or actually more than admitting, she's enjoying it, right? In a kind of Well, you could describe it One could describe it as an existential exploration of "egolessness" if you will.
Um, any questions? Uh, yes? Yes, by employing such phrases as "existential exploration" and "if you will," aren't you attempting to boost your own ego? I'm referring to your lack of tenure.
Your lack of ambition.
The fact that you've never even met Charles Barkley.
What? I've never what? But isn't his lack of ambition a smoke screen to mask his deep hunger for approval? No, that's not even a fair statement.
Sure it is.
I mean, we see this kind of behavior in Emily Dickinson who keeps her poems locked away in a drawer for years Now, listen, I'm glad you brought Emily Dickinson up.
Let's talk about her.
Yes, but Emily Dickinson was a genius.
He's just an assistant professor at a second-rate city college.
Come on.
Come on.
Let's not let this degenerate here.
Yes? Yeah, this is kind of a two-part question.
When you first encountered Emily Dickinson's poetry as an undergraduate At Penn, yes.
did it ever occur to you that Michael Steadman would end up earning so much more money than you? [Student.]
You know, that is a great question.
No, hey, wait a minute.
And second, regarding those sneakers, I mean, do you wear them because you can't afford new ones or are they just some kind of metaphor? Well, uh Okay, if there aren't any questions, then we'll just break early.
[Student.]
All right.
Great class, man.
[Student #2.]
Yeah, very disturbing.
Uh-huh.
Great.
Great.
I'll have it for you tomorrow.
Okay.
Thank you.
No, hey, listen.
First they rub you all over with the sea salt, and then they cover you with oil and wrap you with all these hot towels.
Yeah, and then they throw you out of a moving car, right? Yeah, but aren't those places incredibly expensive? Come on, Hope.
You can afford it.
Susannah, you look great, but you look Did you do something with your hair? Just stopped washing it.
[both chuckle.]
I've got this place where everybody should go.
My editor told me about this retreat in upstate New York.
It's supposed to be really peaceful.
A kind of basket weaving kind of peaceful.
It's run by these Quakers.
Yeah, first they rub oatmeal all over your whole body.
Good evening.
Tonight we have the orange roughy.
It's swimming in a light tomato cream sauce.
It's 22.
95.
Yeah, the roughy is very good here, if you like roughy, which I don't.
Well, actually everything here is really good.
We have the sea bass.
It's grilled.
It comes with avocado butter and is $21.
And the gnocchi.
They're hand rolled, stuffed with parmesan and pumpkin.
17.
50.
Um, I'm just going to have the Caeser salad, please.
Two.
Yeah, I'm going to have that rolled thing - Gnocchi.
- Gnocchi.
Yeah, yeah.
Gnocchi.
Yeah, that thing.
And I'll have another wine.
Should I get us some wine for the table? I'll get a bottle.
Yeah? [Nancy.]
That would be great.
[Hope.]
I'm sure there's lots of decent sitters out there somewhere.
[Susannah.]
Oh, yeah, I know, but I'm just saying.
I mean, the baby is so young.
She's not even a toddler.
Hey, well, you know, there's just as many studies that show there are no ill effects of daycares.
If there are, I'm sure it's harmless.
Yeah, no, I know.
People have to make a choice, but I just think it's difficult.
We have no choice.
Do you mind if we only split No, no, hey, I got it.
I got it.
Whoa, whoa.
Too little too late.
Okay.
[chatter.]
You're welcome.
Well, thanks.
Yeah, oh, here, look.
Courtside seats.
You didn't have to do that.
Yeah, come on.
It was a deal.
Well, thanks again.
Yeah, did you give any more thought to what we were talking about? What were we talking about? You know, the real estate thing.
All right, well, I'll talk to you about it later, all right? - Okay.
- Okay.
What real estate thing? [Gary.]
I didn't mention it to you because I knew how you'd feel about it.
I mean, I don't know all the details, but it's obviously not something we'd want to get involved in.
If you think I'm considering it, forget it because I'm not considering it.
Is that why you're angry here? Because I didn't mention it to you? Is that it? I don't know why I'm angry.
Me, neither.
Do you have any idea how much that bottle of wine must have cost? Uh-huh.
Well, this is great, Elliot.
This is just what we talked about.
Thanks.
So you met him, huh? Yeah, I met him.
And I'm about to have a meeting with him.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
Hey.
- Shepherd.
- Hi.
Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.
See you.
This is perfect timing.
Charles Barkley's here.
Come on and meet him.
No, no, no, I can't.
I'm not even really here.
I just wanted to make sure you got the tickets for tonight.
I don't want those, man.
Those are yours.
You don't understand.
I can't use them.
Well, I got all these lectures to prepare and everything, all right? Okay, all right.
At least meet him.
I don't want to meet him, okay? Okay.
I'm nobody to this guy.
Okay, but I got to meet him, so I got a meeting with him.
Well, that makes me a little uncomfortable.
What does? Well, you know, that everyone admires him and you're exploiting that emotion to sell a product.
Well, you have no idea.
Our plan is to be a very classy campaign.
That justifies it? Hey, Gary, I don't have to justify anything.
Well, maybe you do.
Maybe that's why you're trying to drag me into this real estate crap.
What? Yeah, safety in numbers.
You know, getting all your friends together Whoa, whoa.
What are you talking about? Tell me something.
How many people are you going to put out of work for that building? I don't believe this, Gary.
I'll see you later.
I can't believe you haven't considered the consequences of this politically.
Hey.
The building was empty, all right? You are so off base right now.
Yeah, you want to tell yourself that? That's fine.
I don't believe this.
I came to you as a friend, all right? I was trying to help.
Yeah, and I'm supposed to just let you help me.
I can't, Gary.
I have work to do.
So you feel better, is that it? You think because you don't have money you're better than me? - Is that what you think? - Just leave me out of this.
Catherine, are there any phone calls? Good.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Look, I know you have it, all right? It's It's I don't think I do.
You hungry? No, but you borrowed it, remember? At my other apartment where the stove exploded.
You said, "Can I borrow it? I'll return it.
"I promise I'll return it.
" I have no memory of this.
- Well, you did.
- I don't even get poetry.
Then what did you keep it so long for? Gary, I don't have it.
You know, it's okay if you feel like seeing me.
You don't have to pretend that I kidnapped some book.
Aha.
- That's it? - Yes.
I've been wondering what that was.
Oh, my God.
I've been I mean this has got all my lecture notes.
You know, I've been living here for six years.
That book's been here as long as that.
I never knew what it was.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Where are all Where are all my lecture notes? I had these great, insightful notes in here.
Well, here's something.
What's that? It's the address and phone number of a girl I was trying to sleep with.
Oh.
Well, what's that? [Gary chuckles.]
Oh, that's a list of the reasons why she should sleep with me.
My God, what was I doing? I wasn't even paying attention.
I haven't been paying attention.
Oh, you're the babysitter.
Yeah, hi, come on in.
Oh, good, so she's not here.
I mean Yeah, she's here.
She was just going to take a bath.
You want to wait a second? I can check.
No.
Uh, I just wanted to return this.
Um, can I leave this down here? Hi, Janey.
[Hope.]
Wendy, is that somebody? [whispers.]
No.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Actually, I was working on this article about this incinerator disaster, and my back was killing me.
You really don't have to explain taking a bath.
I know.
I just don't want you to think that I What? I don't want you to think that I'd hire a sitter just to take a bath.
Well, why not if you can? Well, I can't.
Well, I guess maybe I can, but I don't.
Okay, you don't.
Look, I just [sighs.]
Look, I just wanted to return the humidifier.
But I gave it to you.
We have another one.
We don't need it.
Well, we don't need it, either.
Fine.
Fine.
Give it to me.
Fine.
It's not that I don't appreciate everything But just stop doing it.
Fine, I will.
Hope.
Hope, wait a second.
No, I'm sorry.
I was just doing what people do for their friends, but I can stop.
Well, now that's interesting because I'm not really sure we are.
What? We're not friends? Well, clearly we are in that we know a lot of the same people and therefore have to deal with each other all the time.
Here's my point.
I am an extremely independent person.
Me, too.
I have my own way of doing things.
Same here.
And I feel I'm sorry.
I feel as if you're looking down on me.
Yeah, well, I feel the same way.
And consequently, that makes me You feel the same way? Yeah.
I mean, ever since I met you, it's like you think that you're better than I am.
Well, now this is very ironic.
Yeah, it's absurd.
I mean, I feel humiliated because you caught me taking a bath.
Maybe I should be out building affordable housing or something.
Why shouldn't you have a bath? I'd kill for a bath.
We're always out of hot water.
Oh, shut up.
Shut up? Yes, I'm tired of you throwing it up to me how hard you have it.
I am? Yes, and you know what? It's not my fault.
Well, then stop apologizing for having money.
Nobody's holding it against you.
You are.
- I am? - Yeah.
You won't look me in the eyes.
You don't call me unless your baby has croup.
Well, maybe I'm introverted.
Did that ever occur to you? I'm shy.
And you have two humidifiers and plenty of hot water and 7,000 friends.
You're lucky.
You know why they had that argument, Michael and Gary.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
Fear of smallness.
Exactly.
Oh, my God.
That's the whole thing.
That's why there's wars and the Empire State Building.
And NASA.
That's why there's NASA.
Explains a lot.
The thing is no matter how much you reassure them, they never really believe you.
They just never believe you.
As long as he's satisfied.
[chuckles.]
Found a daycare center I liked today.
What? You did? Really? Yeah, it's really nice which is why there's no available space.
We're on the waiting list.
Honey? That describes us.
Huh? Do you want some honey with that? Oh, uh, no, I'm fine.
Thanks.
Gary, are you going to make up with Michael? What? Make up with him? Are you going to tell him you're sorry? Look, I said what I said as much for you as for me.
I know how you feel about this kind of thing.
Why do you always do that? You don't know how I feel about it.
I don't know how I feel about it.
I think you're jealous.
I think you're jealous of your friend.
Come on.
Oh, what? You'd feel comfortable taking his money? - No.
- Well? But I'll do it.
I'm doing a lot of things I never thought I'd do.
I've got a lot of work to do in here.
Okay.
[sighs.]
I can't concentrate on Emily Dickinson.
I don't know what this means.
Why don't you just put it aside? Come on.
Give yourself a rest.
Take a break.
You'll probably be up half the night anyway.
Just give yourself a break.
All right.
[groans.]
I am jealous.
I know.
I know.
[Woman.]
Would you hand me those, please? What? Wild flowers.
They fell out of my basket.
I'm sort of I'm really I have a lot of work to do.
But sure.
But, yeah, sure.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Who are you? Nobody.
Who are you? Oh, could you Could you I'm in big trouble here.
Could you explain this to me, please? Explain what? This.
All of this.
I mean, you wrote it.
You're Emily Dickinson.
I mean, you must understand it.
God knows I don't, and I have to.
Why? Because I have to be able to explain it to my class.
I have to be able to explain myself to my friends.
Why? Why? Because if I can't explain what you wrote, then I'm not even a teacher.
And if I'm not even a teacher, then I'm nobody.
You? You seem so confident.
Yeah, well, that's an act.
That's all an act.
I I feel like a total failure.
Everyone I know is more successful than I am.
Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar requires sorest need.
I wrote that.
That's in the book.
Just cut the crap, all right? Are you going to help me or not? I can't help you.
I'm nobody If you can't, who can? Also, I don't think I like you.
You've got a very poor attitude.
Okay, wait.
Wait.
Please You have no sense of perspective.
Just look.
You have this beautiful poem right under your nose, and you're not even grateful.
Which poem? Which Show me.
It's not my poem.
It's yours.
Emma.
- Yeah.
- Right over there is perfect.
- Okay.
- Great.
All right, so I'll sign this.
- [Michael.]
Oh, good.
- [Catherine.]
Right there.
- Okay, so right here.
- Yeah.
Hi.
Hi.
[Michael.]
Good.
Thanks.
Can I get you something to drink? Some what? Can I get you something to drink? No, thank you.
Wow.
This is really big.
It's really big.
Yeah.
Listen, I'm, uh [chuckles.]
This is really strange.
What is? Seeing you behind that desk.
Well, I'm sorry.
This is my desk.
No, right.
I know.
It's just what are you doing here? You know? When did this happen? I don't know.
Right.
Okay, I'll get to the point.
I know you're really busy.
No, please take all the time you need.
Just do me a favor, all right? And don't do that.
- Don't do what? - That polite thing.
I mean, that's not Wait a minute.
You want to know what I'm doing here? I'm making a living.
I'm making money.
It's just strange.
No, I don't think it's strange.
It's money.
You don't like that I have it.
I'm sorry.
I have it.
I'm stuck with it.
Well, what I said the other day I shouldn't have said.
And what I should've said was thank you.
But anyway, I've had a few hours of sleep in a row [clears throat.]
and I was just wondering if, uh you know, if the offer's still good.
Come on.
Say something.
I'm willing to do it.
You know, it's up to you.
Thanks.
You know, I'd be getting something out of it, too.
You know, it's like It's like having company as opposed to being alone.
So it's up to you if you think you can handle it.
Oh, I can handle it.
It's just I wouldn't want to do anything [groans.]
Screw up our friendship? Yeah, like it almost did.
Yeah, almost did.
We better not do it.
I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
But I am.
I'm coming.
Oh, right.
Right.
I wish I wish I could use those tickets, you know.
- Next time, okay? - Yeah.
I I have to deal with this guy.
It's It's Charles Barkley's publicist.
[both chuckle.]
Charles Barkley's publicist.
- Hey, Gary? - Yeah? Well, don't leave yet.
I'll be right back.
Yeah.
Okay.
Go get them.
[phone rings.]
Hello? Hello? Um, no, he had to go meet with someone.
Nobody.
Just a friend of his.
[dial tone.]
Closed-Captioned By J.
R.
Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA And dance by the light of the moon