This Fool (2022) s01e02 Episode Script
Putazos
1
DJ NOSTALGIA [OVER RADIO]:
Does no one respect
your busted-ass ride?
Call Rent Your Rims
so your wheels could have some drift.
Coming up next is another
throwback classic from back in the day.
Back In The Day by Ahmad A. Lewis
playing over stereo ♪
- Ooh! Damn!
- [INCREASES VOLUME]
Yeah, I love this jam, homey.
Oh! I can't believe
they're calling this a throwback.
It's an oldie. You fools are oldies now.
Tsk. You're the oldie
with your ancient Mayan face, like
CHEF WILLIAMS: Old Benjamin Button face-ass.
I'm still young and delicious.
I'm like a cupcake.
Damn, I haven't felt this good in years.
You know, this Hugs not Thugs shit
ain't that bad.
I actually like making cupcakes,
you know, it's therapeutic.
Sorry I gave you
a hard time at first, primo.
Thanks for getting me on the program.
JULIO: Don't even mention it.
We're family.
I got your back.
CHEF WILLIAMS: Damn, y'all corny.
♪
Let's drop off these cupcakes, man.
Hey, Julio!
You gonna help us out or
[JULIO GRUNTS]
What the fuck are you doing?
You never heard of it?
It's this new thing called a stretching.
What are you, the fuckin' elderly?
You need a Viagra?
Probably not right now
'cause we're at work but maybe later, huh?
Hey. Hey.
Y'all hurry the fuck up and decide
whether your dicks is old or not
so y'all can help me deliver these cupcakes.
Shit. Y'all talk more than
the motherfuckin' View.
DAVONTE:
Look at this bitch made motherfucker.
Ominous music ♪
Davonte.
Thought your ass would be dead by now.
On the contrary, bitch.
As you can see, I'm alive and thriving.
So you one of them
pink cupcake bitches now, huh?
Hey, playboy. We're called Huggers.
Hey, hey, Julio.
I got this shit. DAVONTE: Shit.
You even more bitch than I remember.
And you was always quite the bitch.
[LAUGHS] Hey, remember
that time me and my boys
beat your ass outside your grandma's house?
[SCOFFS] You must have
Alzheimer's, homeboy.
It was outside Magic Mountain.
It was me and my boys who beat your ass.
Dawg, that would have never happened!
Black people don't fuck with Magic Mountain.
We Knott's Berry Farm people, fool.
- Nah, nah, nah. You forgot.
- Your ass was at Magic Mountain.
Maybe a sock to the face
will remind your ass, huh?
Hey, hey, hey!
Enough of this shit.
We got cupcakes to deliver.
At least your old boys used to be tough.
Now you roll around
with soft motherfuckers like this bitch.
Look at him. He got "rob me" face
and fucked-up teeth.
Couldn't fight if he wanted to.
- Man, fuck you!
- Hey, hey!
We're gonna handle this shit,
we're gonna do it right.
Imma gather my boys, you gather yours.
I'll meet you at the park at sunset.
Throw some putasos.
Oh, yeah, me and my boys will be there.
But be warned,
my boys ain't boys anymore, they're men.
Yeah, my boys are soldiers.
Well, my boys are warriors.
[JULIO GASPS]
Bitch-ass mark.
Why'd you flinch?
[JULIO GASPS] Stop flinching!
Fuck!
Theme music playing ♪
♪
♪
♪
Damn, I can't wait to see my boys.
Haven't seen those fools in forever.
You're for real gonna go fight in the park?
Like you're in junior high?
Hey, if you're not down,
I'll go fuckin' do it myself.
Guess you were lying
when you said all the shit about family
and always having my back, huh?
Goddamn it. Fine.
I'll drive you.
But I'm not fuckin' fighting.
LUIS: [SCOFFS] I don't want
you to throw down anyway.
I ain't trying to lose.
Man, fuck you.
Goddamn, you bitches ain't finished yet?
Hurry the fuck up so I can get home
in time for Judge Mathis.
Dawg, you gotta get
on that Judge Judy train,
that bitch is mean.
- Nah, nah, nah, nah. Fuck that.
- I only support black judges.
Except for Clarence Thomas.
I hope that bitch dies.
Hey, hey, hey, chef.
You wanna help us
go fight some fools at the park?
No, no, no, no, no.
See that goes against every single thing
that I've worked so hard to achieve.
[GRUNTS] Oh, come on, dawg, please!
A'ight, fuck it. You've convinced me.
Yeah!
CHEF WILLIAMS: Come on, now.
Yeah, we got seven more trays to go, man.
We've been here how long?
Back in the days when I was young
I'm not a kid anymore ♪
But some days I sit ♪
CHEF WILLIAMS:
A'ight, so who we about to go fight?
One of my old enemies from back in the day.
Some bitch-ass fool named Davonte.
Well, wait, there's a Hispanic dude
out there named Davonte?
Nah, nah, nah, nah. He's Black.
Oh, fuck that.
I'm not gonna help two Mexicans
beat up a Black dude.
Look, I'll still roll with you,
but when we fight,
I'm gonna have to fight on his side.
Okay, I can respect that.
- You've gotta back up your people.
- Yeah.
When the fight comes, you could take Julio.
Hell, yeah!
I've been meaning to fuck you up.
But we work together.
Exactly.
Alright, the first homey
we're gonna pick up, pff,
it's my ride or die homey,
my A1 since day one.
The boy to end all boys.
♪
[DOORBELL DINGS]
♪
[GRUNTS]
You're all stretched out now.
- Stop fighting, stop fighting.
- Cut that shit out.
Hey, what's up, Vero?
Um, we're actually here to see Fat ass.
Hey, Luis.
It's been too long.
That's so nice that you decided to stop by.
Come on in.
Come on.
Organ music playing ♪
♪
My boy.
♪
[DINGING]
These were his favorites.
Mm. I like your style.
Quick and easy.
Man, can't believe he died.
JULIO: Really?
I mean, his name was Fat ass.
What you trying to say?
You don't exactly meet
a lot of old fools named Fat ass.
Obesity does account
for 18% of all male deaths
over the age of 40.
VERONICA: Excuse me.
But my husband's weight
had nothing to do with his passing.
It was a car crash.
Texting and driving.
The silent killer.
- [EXHALES] Wow.
- That is a lot to take in, Luis.
I think you should take the day
to process this loss.
I don't think you're in the right space
to fight that fool Davonte.
- Davonte?
- Yeah.
Fat ass hated that motherfucker.
You gotta kick that fool's ass.
I'll be honored to kick his ass.
For Fat ass.
You know, Luis, right before Fat ass died,
he said something about you.
For real? What did he say?
Yeah, he said you owed him $20.
Oh, yeah, uh
No problem. Give me $20.
[SIGHS]
You, uh, you think I could get your number?
Respectfully.
For Fat ass.
Motherfuckers are good.
[BURPS]
[EXHALES]
[BURPS, GRUNTS]
Damn, got some nasty
throat acid or some shit.
That's what you get
for eating all those Bagel Bites.
You probably fucked up your esophagus.
Esopha these nuts.
- Wait. What?
- Shut up.
Luckily, I got a homey
who lives just a few blocks from here.
Assuming he's not dead,
he'll roll with us for sure.
- [BURPS]
- Hey, goddamn.
That shit smell like some cheap-ass
Chef Boyardee shit, man.
Crack the motherfucking window in this shit.
[BURPS]
♪
CUETE: Man, fuck Davonte, homey.
I'm still banned from Magic Mountain
from that last time we jumped him.
You know I'd love to kick
that fool's ass one last time,
fuck, but I can't, dawg.
My sciatic nerve's been acting up, homey.
LUIS: That's bullshit.
Quit making excuses
and come back up your homeboy.
Hey, hold up.
Sciatic nerve pain is no joke.
Where's the problem?
It's in my L4, L5, dawg.
Damn, mine's L5 and S1.
- CUETE: Damn.
- Wait. Does yours radiate down your leg?
Shit, like a motherfucker, homey.
CHEF WILLIAMS: Oh, shit, I feel you, man.
My spine specialist said
I probably gotta get
one of those microdiscectomies.
- Oh, shit, for real?
- Yeah!
- Man, I'll pray for you.
- CHEF WILLIAMS: Please.
CUETE: That's rough, homey,
but it might not all be bad news.
My homeboy had that same operation.
He said a couple of months
of physical therapy, he was right back
Hey, come on, y'all, stay focused!
We're talking about busting heads,
not broken backs and shit.
Damn, my boy. I wish I could join you.
I really can't risk it, dawg.
You know Hey, do me a solid, homey.
Take my son.
He needs to get toughened up, dawg.
Oh, yeah, I forgot you had a morro.
How old is he now?
I don't fucking know, dawg,
like 12 or some shit.
Hey, Junior, come here!
[SHOES TAPPING]
Junior, this is my homeboy Luis.
You ready to get into a gang fight, Junior?
Like West Side Story?
I'll go get changed.
[TAP DANCING]
Fuckin' loves that movie, dawg.
By the way, you still owe me
20 fucking bucks, homes.
Yeah, don't trip on me, I got it.
[SIGHS]
♪
♪
So are you like the Sharks or the Jets?
Whichever one you want.
Okay. Then we're the Sharks, obviously.
What the fuck are you talking about?
[GROANS]
Hey, you good?
[EXHALES]
My stomach and my throat
are pretty fucked up.
Dawg, you probably got acid reflux.
My dad has acid reflux.
He says that's what happens
when you get old.
Hey, if you're not feeling good,
we should just reschedule the fight.
Fuck, no!
This ain't Google Calendars,
this is real life.
We should at least stop by the store
and get you some probiotics.
Those always help me.
Alright, alright.
Give me some of those antibiotics
they put up your culo.
JULIO: It's not how you take them, idiot.
You take them orally.
I'm not taking shit orally.
But that's how you take them.
Yeah, yeah, that's how you take them. Ugh!
Did you just say you take a shit orally?
Yo, y'all are nasty.
There's a little boy in this car.
[BURPS]
Fuckin' his little brain up. Mm-hmm-hmm.
[BURPS]
[INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA]
Hey, kid.
This is what me and your jefe
used to do all the time back in the day.
You used to steal Tums with my dad?
We used to steal all kinds of shit
from this store.
They got a no chase policy.
So once you make it past the exit,
you're untouchable.
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Code green on aisle two.
Code green on aisle two.
Here, Julio, help me
sell some of these cupcakes.
I got you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Boy, oh, boy!
These sure are some yummy-ass cupcakes.
And for a great cause?
Don't mind if I do.
Cupcakes. Cupcakes.
Bitch, do you want me to relapse?
Do you realize how high
of a motherfucking recidivism rate
I'm up against? Do you?
Why don't you buy a fuckin' cupcake?
Keep a nigga off the streets.
Thank you. Red velvet is an amazing choice.
Alright, let's hit these calles.
Wait, you didn't buy anything?
Run, bitch.
♪
Hugs Not Thugs is does not condone this,
but the cupcakes are bomb.
♪
[LAUGHS]
Toma! Pssh!
Fuck you, Officer Krupke!
Get in the car!
♪
♪
- Luis, you fuckin' idiot.
- You could have got us arrested.
Hey, his pops wanted me to toughen him up.
I don't want the poor kid
to grow up and be like you.
I love being in a gang.
Yeah, you fuckin' do.
Hey, mijo, check this out.
Me and your pops used to do this
to freak girls out.
[NECK CRACKS] [GROANS SHARPLY]
My fuckin' neck!
Fool, this is why you gotta stretch.
Shut up, bitch! [GROANS]
Fuck. I'm fine, alright?
I'm still down to fight.
JUNIOR: That's the spirit!
After all, did Maria give up
after Tony murdered her brother?
No. She dated him.
Yo, I don't know what
this little motherfucker talkin' about,
man, but it's motivatin'!
Hey, hey, make a left right here, Julio.
We still got plenty more boys to hit up.
[GROANS, SIGHS]
[DOORBELL DINGS]
[DOORBELL DINGS]
[DOORBELL DINGS]
Back in the days when I was young ♪
I'm not a kid anymore ♪
But some days I sit
and wish I was a kid again ♪
Back in the days when I was young ♪
I'm not a kid anymore ♪
But some days I sit
and wish I was a kid again ♪
Back in the days ♪
When I just a little nigga ♪
I looked up to my bigger bro ♪
Begged if I could kick it so ♪
When he went out with girls
I could go taggin' along ♪
Naggin' if she had a sis
maybe could mack a baby hood rat ♪
Y'all remember way back then,
when it was 1985 ♪
All the way live,
I think I was about ten ♪
One of those happy little niggaz
singin' the blues ♪
I'm tired of hearing this stupid-ass song.
[SONG STOPS] [NECK CRACKS]
Oh, fuck!
Oh, man, it sounded like
you pinched a nerve.
Dawg, can we quit this shit yet?
This ain't working.
- No, no, no, no.
- I still got one last boy, alright?
This fool used to be down for anything.
He was our wild card.
♪
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
Damn, he probably
doesn't even live here anymore.
- Hmm.
- [DOOR OPENS]
Luis?
Hey, I know you probably moved on
and evolved as a person or whatever,
uh, but if you're down,
which I'm sure you're not,
a few of us are gonna go
fuck up that fool Davonte.
Oh, fuck yeah, perro!
I'm down.
I'm tired of this square-ass life.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- [GUN COCKS]
- Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey!
Let's kill this motherfucker!
Slow down, perro.
We're just trying to throw some putasos.
Hey, no half measures.
If we're gonna do this,
we're gonna fuckin' do right!
Right. No, no, yeah. No, you're right.
Uh, the only thing is, homey,
we forgot our cuetes,
so that's the only problem.
- Oh, don't worry about it.
- I got you fools. How many you need?
Uh maybe four.
I want a knife.
A knife?
I wanna feel it.
Yeah, homey, so I guess
three cuetes and a filero.
And a glass of water.
Coming right up.
We gonna die tonight, my boy!
Yeah.
CYCO: Honey, I'm going out with the boys.
Don't wait up.
Run, bitch!
Shit!
♪
Hey, wait!
Luis!
You still owe me 20 bucks!
[SLAMS DOOR]
[GROANS] What the
Hey.
Why the fuck are we back at Hugs Not Thugs?
Because you fell asleep
like a fucking grandpa
after your psycho-ass boy almost killed us.
Dawg, enough's enough.
I'm sad I didn't get the fuck you up, Julio.
Shit, man. Until next time, man.
Wa-da-ba-da, boom, boom!
Clink, clink, boy.
I'd have rearranged your whole shit.
Yeah.
All my boys abandoned me.
I'm all alone in this world.
No boys to call my own.
Dawg, I'm your boy.
You're not my fuckin' boy.
You're my bitch-ass cousin
who's been complaining all day.
Too scared to throw putasos.
[GROANS]
What the fuck?
Fuck you, dawg! I'm not your fuckin' boy?
I've been driving you around
all fuckin' day.
I'm doing my best to help you.
You're the one being a little bitch.
Let's go throw down.
For what? We're just
gonna get our asses beat.
Then let's go get
our asses beat together, like boys.
'Cause you might know about winning fights,
but I'm an expert in getting my ass whooped.
You ain't shit in this city
if you haven't beat my ass.
And I'm down 100 bucks,
so now I wanna fuckin' fight.
♪
♪
Damn. You're serious.
Goddamn right.
[HORN HONKS] JUNIOR: What the fuck?
Are we gonna do this or what?
♪
Let's go.
♪
In the back, Junior.
♪
♪
[SNAPPING FINGERS RHYTHMICALLY]
[GROANING]
Come on, Luis.
[GRUNTING]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
Hey.
They're here.
Western showdown music ♪
♪
♪
- So where your boys?
- [SCOFFS] Where are your boys?
They were preoccupied. I got busy boys.
But the boys I did bring
are finna beat your ass.
- [SCOFFS] You wanna bet?
- Yeah.
Imma do you like Chino did Tony.
[GRUNTS]
[BARKS]
- Yeah, let's do this.
- I'll fuck you up, old man.
Who are you?
Where am I? What's going on?
We talked about this, Grandpa.
I'm your grandson. You my boy.
And I busted you outta that nursing home
so we could whoop on some Mexicans.
What happened to Fat ass?
- He's not with us anymore.
- Damn.
What happened to Bust-a-Nut?
He's in heaven now.
With my Uncle Charles.
Texting and driving.
It's an epidemic, homey.
- Sorry for your loss.
- Yeah. You too.
So I guess shit's different now, huh?
Hey, I came here for a gang fight.
If we ain't gonna bust heads,
I wanna go home.
[INDISTINCT ARGUING IN DISTANCE]
Hold up. Look over there.
[GRUNTING]
ALL: Ohh!
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
Soaring music ♪
MAN 1: Take that motherfucker!
MAN 2: Get him!
♪
MAN 3: Come on, man!
♪
MAN 4: Yeah, kick his ass.
Come on, come on.
♪
♪
[FIST THUMPS] BYSTANDERS: Ohh!
JULIO: Damn, he got knocked the fuck out.
♪
DJ NOSTALGIA [OVER RADIO]:
Does no one respect
your busted-ass ride?
Call Rent Your Rims
so your wheels could have some drift.
Coming up next is another
throwback classic from back in the day.
Back In The Day by Ahmad A. Lewis
playing over stereo ♪
- Ooh! Damn!
- [INCREASES VOLUME]
Yeah, I love this jam, homey.
Oh! I can't believe
they're calling this a throwback.
It's an oldie. You fools are oldies now.
Tsk. You're the oldie
with your ancient Mayan face, like
CHEF WILLIAMS: Old Benjamin Button face-ass.
I'm still young and delicious.
I'm like a cupcake.
Damn, I haven't felt this good in years.
You know, this Hugs not Thugs shit
ain't that bad.
I actually like making cupcakes,
you know, it's therapeutic.
Sorry I gave you
a hard time at first, primo.
Thanks for getting me on the program.
JULIO: Don't even mention it.
We're family.
I got your back.
CHEF WILLIAMS: Damn, y'all corny.
♪
Let's drop off these cupcakes, man.
Hey, Julio!
You gonna help us out or
[JULIO GRUNTS]
What the fuck are you doing?
You never heard of it?
It's this new thing called a stretching.
What are you, the fuckin' elderly?
You need a Viagra?
Probably not right now
'cause we're at work but maybe later, huh?
Hey. Hey.
Y'all hurry the fuck up and decide
whether your dicks is old or not
so y'all can help me deliver these cupcakes.
Shit. Y'all talk more than
the motherfuckin' View.
DAVONTE:
Look at this bitch made motherfucker.
Ominous music ♪
Davonte.
Thought your ass would be dead by now.
On the contrary, bitch.
As you can see, I'm alive and thriving.
So you one of them
pink cupcake bitches now, huh?
Hey, playboy. We're called Huggers.
Hey, hey, Julio.
I got this shit. DAVONTE: Shit.
You even more bitch than I remember.
And you was always quite the bitch.
[LAUGHS] Hey, remember
that time me and my boys
beat your ass outside your grandma's house?
[SCOFFS] You must have
Alzheimer's, homeboy.
It was outside Magic Mountain.
It was me and my boys who beat your ass.
Dawg, that would have never happened!
Black people don't fuck with Magic Mountain.
We Knott's Berry Farm people, fool.
- Nah, nah, nah. You forgot.
- Your ass was at Magic Mountain.
Maybe a sock to the face
will remind your ass, huh?
Hey, hey, hey!
Enough of this shit.
We got cupcakes to deliver.
At least your old boys used to be tough.
Now you roll around
with soft motherfuckers like this bitch.
Look at him. He got "rob me" face
and fucked-up teeth.
Couldn't fight if he wanted to.
- Man, fuck you!
- Hey, hey!
We're gonna handle this shit,
we're gonna do it right.
Imma gather my boys, you gather yours.
I'll meet you at the park at sunset.
Throw some putasos.
Oh, yeah, me and my boys will be there.
But be warned,
my boys ain't boys anymore, they're men.
Yeah, my boys are soldiers.
Well, my boys are warriors.
[JULIO GASPS]
Bitch-ass mark.
Why'd you flinch?
[JULIO GASPS] Stop flinching!
Fuck!
Theme music playing ♪
♪
♪
♪
Damn, I can't wait to see my boys.
Haven't seen those fools in forever.
You're for real gonna go fight in the park?
Like you're in junior high?
Hey, if you're not down,
I'll go fuckin' do it myself.
Guess you were lying
when you said all the shit about family
and always having my back, huh?
Goddamn it. Fine.
I'll drive you.
But I'm not fuckin' fighting.
LUIS: [SCOFFS] I don't want
you to throw down anyway.
I ain't trying to lose.
Man, fuck you.
Goddamn, you bitches ain't finished yet?
Hurry the fuck up so I can get home
in time for Judge Mathis.
Dawg, you gotta get
on that Judge Judy train,
that bitch is mean.
- Nah, nah, nah, nah. Fuck that.
- I only support black judges.
Except for Clarence Thomas.
I hope that bitch dies.
Hey, hey, hey, chef.
You wanna help us
go fight some fools at the park?
No, no, no, no, no.
See that goes against every single thing
that I've worked so hard to achieve.
[GRUNTS] Oh, come on, dawg, please!
A'ight, fuck it. You've convinced me.
Yeah!
CHEF WILLIAMS: Come on, now.
Yeah, we got seven more trays to go, man.
We've been here how long?
Back in the days when I was young
I'm not a kid anymore ♪
But some days I sit ♪
CHEF WILLIAMS:
A'ight, so who we about to go fight?
One of my old enemies from back in the day.
Some bitch-ass fool named Davonte.
Well, wait, there's a Hispanic dude
out there named Davonte?
Nah, nah, nah, nah. He's Black.
Oh, fuck that.
I'm not gonna help two Mexicans
beat up a Black dude.
Look, I'll still roll with you,
but when we fight,
I'm gonna have to fight on his side.
Okay, I can respect that.
- You've gotta back up your people.
- Yeah.
When the fight comes, you could take Julio.
Hell, yeah!
I've been meaning to fuck you up.
But we work together.
Exactly.
Alright, the first homey
we're gonna pick up, pff,
it's my ride or die homey,
my A1 since day one.
The boy to end all boys.
♪
[DOORBELL DINGS]
♪
[GRUNTS]
You're all stretched out now.
- Stop fighting, stop fighting.
- Cut that shit out.
Hey, what's up, Vero?
Um, we're actually here to see Fat ass.
Hey, Luis.
It's been too long.
That's so nice that you decided to stop by.
Come on in.
Come on.
Organ music playing ♪
♪
My boy.
♪
[DINGING]
These were his favorites.
Mm. I like your style.
Quick and easy.
Man, can't believe he died.
JULIO: Really?
I mean, his name was Fat ass.
What you trying to say?
You don't exactly meet
a lot of old fools named Fat ass.
Obesity does account
for 18% of all male deaths
over the age of 40.
VERONICA: Excuse me.
But my husband's weight
had nothing to do with his passing.
It was a car crash.
Texting and driving.
The silent killer.
- [EXHALES] Wow.
- That is a lot to take in, Luis.
I think you should take the day
to process this loss.
I don't think you're in the right space
to fight that fool Davonte.
- Davonte?
- Yeah.
Fat ass hated that motherfucker.
You gotta kick that fool's ass.
I'll be honored to kick his ass.
For Fat ass.
You know, Luis, right before Fat ass died,
he said something about you.
For real? What did he say?
Yeah, he said you owed him $20.
Oh, yeah, uh
No problem. Give me $20.
[SIGHS]
You, uh, you think I could get your number?
Respectfully.
For Fat ass.
Motherfuckers are good.
[BURPS]
[EXHALES]
[BURPS, GRUNTS]
Damn, got some nasty
throat acid or some shit.
That's what you get
for eating all those Bagel Bites.
You probably fucked up your esophagus.
Esopha these nuts.
- Wait. What?
- Shut up.
Luckily, I got a homey
who lives just a few blocks from here.
Assuming he's not dead,
he'll roll with us for sure.
- [BURPS]
- Hey, goddamn.
That shit smell like some cheap-ass
Chef Boyardee shit, man.
Crack the motherfucking window in this shit.
[BURPS]
♪
CUETE: Man, fuck Davonte, homey.
I'm still banned from Magic Mountain
from that last time we jumped him.
You know I'd love to kick
that fool's ass one last time,
fuck, but I can't, dawg.
My sciatic nerve's been acting up, homey.
LUIS: That's bullshit.
Quit making excuses
and come back up your homeboy.
Hey, hold up.
Sciatic nerve pain is no joke.
Where's the problem?
It's in my L4, L5, dawg.
Damn, mine's L5 and S1.
- CUETE: Damn.
- Wait. Does yours radiate down your leg?
Shit, like a motherfucker, homey.
CHEF WILLIAMS: Oh, shit, I feel you, man.
My spine specialist said
I probably gotta get
one of those microdiscectomies.
- Oh, shit, for real?
- Yeah!
- Man, I'll pray for you.
- CHEF WILLIAMS: Please.
CUETE: That's rough, homey,
but it might not all be bad news.
My homeboy had that same operation.
He said a couple of months
of physical therapy, he was right back
Hey, come on, y'all, stay focused!
We're talking about busting heads,
not broken backs and shit.
Damn, my boy. I wish I could join you.
I really can't risk it, dawg.
You know Hey, do me a solid, homey.
Take my son.
He needs to get toughened up, dawg.
Oh, yeah, I forgot you had a morro.
How old is he now?
I don't fucking know, dawg,
like 12 or some shit.
Hey, Junior, come here!
[SHOES TAPPING]
Junior, this is my homeboy Luis.
You ready to get into a gang fight, Junior?
Like West Side Story?
I'll go get changed.
[TAP DANCING]
Fuckin' loves that movie, dawg.
By the way, you still owe me
20 fucking bucks, homes.
Yeah, don't trip on me, I got it.
[SIGHS]
♪
♪
So are you like the Sharks or the Jets?
Whichever one you want.
Okay. Then we're the Sharks, obviously.
What the fuck are you talking about?
[GROANS]
Hey, you good?
[EXHALES]
My stomach and my throat
are pretty fucked up.
Dawg, you probably got acid reflux.
My dad has acid reflux.
He says that's what happens
when you get old.
Hey, if you're not feeling good,
we should just reschedule the fight.
Fuck, no!
This ain't Google Calendars,
this is real life.
We should at least stop by the store
and get you some probiotics.
Those always help me.
Alright, alright.
Give me some of those antibiotics
they put up your culo.
JULIO: It's not how you take them, idiot.
You take them orally.
I'm not taking shit orally.
But that's how you take them.
Yeah, yeah, that's how you take them. Ugh!
Did you just say you take a shit orally?
Yo, y'all are nasty.
There's a little boy in this car.
[BURPS]
Fuckin' his little brain up. Mm-hmm-hmm.
[BURPS]
[INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA]
Hey, kid.
This is what me and your jefe
used to do all the time back in the day.
You used to steal Tums with my dad?
We used to steal all kinds of shit
from this store.
They got a no chase policy.
So once you make it past the exit,
you're untouchable.
WOMAN [OVER PA]: Code green on aisle two.
Code green on aisle two.
Here, Julio, help me
sell some of these cupcakes.
I got you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Boy, oh, boy!
These sure are some yummy-ass cupcakes.
And for a great cause?
Don't mind if I do.
Cupcakes. Cupcakes.
Bitch, do you want me to relapse?
Do you realize how high
of a motherfucking recidivism rate
I'm up against? Do you?
Why don't you buy a fuckin' cupcake?
Keep a nigga off the streets.
Thank you. Red velvet is an amazing choice.
Alright, let's hit these calles.
Wait, you didn't buy anything?
Run, bitch.
♪
Hugs Not Thugs is does not condone this,
but the cupcakes are bomb.
♪
[LAUGHS]
Toma! Pssh!
Fuck you, Officer Krupke!
Get in the car!
♪
♪
- Luis, you fuckin' idiot.
- You could have got us arrested.
Hey, his pops wanted me to toughen him up.
I don't want the poor kid
to grow up and be like you.
I love being in a gang.
Yeah, you fuckin' do.
Hey, mijo, check this out.
Me and your pops used to do this
to freak girls out.
[NECK CRACKS] [GROANS SHARPLY]
My fuckin' neck!
Fool, this is why you gotta stretch.
Shut up, bitch! [GROANS]
Fuck. I'm fine, alright?
I'm still down to fight.
JUNIOR: That's the spirit!
After all, did Maria give up
after Tony murdered her brother?
No. She dated him.
Yo, I don't know what
this little motherfucker talkin' about,
man, but it's motivatin'!
Hey, hey, make a left right here, Julio.
We still got plenty more boys to hit up.
[GROANS, SIGHS]
[DOORBELL DINGS]
[DOORBELL DINGS]
[DOORBELL DINGS]
Back in the days when I was young ♪
I'm not a kid anymore ♪
But some days I sit
and wish I was a kid again ♪
Back in the days when I was young ♪
I'm not a kid anymore ♪
But some days I sit
and wish I was a kid again ♪
Back in the days ♪
When I just a little nigga ♪
I looked up to my bigger bro ♪
Begged if I could kick it so ♪
When he went out with girls
I could go taggin' along ♪
Naggin' if she had a sis
maybe could mack a baby hood rat ♪
Y'all remember way back then,
when it was 1985 ♪
All the way live,
I think I was about ten ♪
One of those happy little niggaz
singin' the blues ♪
I'm tired of hearing this stupid-ass song.
[SONG STOPS] [NECK CRACKS]
Oh, fuck!
Oh, man, it sounded like
you pinched a nerve.
Dawg, can we quit this shit yet?
This ain't working.
- No, no, no, no.
- I still got one last boy, alright?
This fool used to be down for anything.
He was our wild card.
♪
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
Damn, he probably
doesn't even live here anymore.
- Hmm.
- [DOOR OPENS]
Luis?
Hey, I know you probably moved on
and evolved as a person or whatever,
uh, but if you're down,
which I'm sure you're not,
a few of us are gonna go
fuck up that fool Davonte.
Oh, fuck yeah, perro!
I'm down.
I'm tired of this square-ass life.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- [GUN COCKS]
- Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey!
Let's kill this motherfucker!
Slow down, perro.
We're just trying to throw some putasos.
Hey, no half measures.
If we're gonna do this,
we're gonna fuckin' do right!
Right. No, no, yeah. No, you're right.
Uh, the only thing is, homey,
we forgot our cuetes,
so that's the only problem.
- Oh, don't worry about it.
- I got you fools. How many you need?
Uh maybe four.
I want a knife.
A knife?
I wanna feel it.
Yeah, homey, so I guess
three cuetes and a filero.
And a glass of water.
Coming right up.
We gonna die tonight, my boy!
Yeah.
CYCO: Honey, I'm going out with the boys.
Don't wait up.
Run, bitch!
Shit!
♪
Hey, wait!
Luis!
You still owe me 20 bucks!
[SLAMS DOOR]
[GROANS] What the
Hey.
Why the fuck are we back at Hugs Not Thugs?
Because you fell asleep
like a fucking grandpa
after your psycho-ass boy almost killed us.
Dawg, enough's enough.
I'm sad I didn't get the fuck you up, Julio.
Shit, man. Until next time, man.
Wa-da-ba-da, boom, boom!
Clink, clink, boy.
I'd have rearranged your whole shit.
Yeah.
All my boys abandoned me.
I'm all alone in this world.
No boys to call my own.
Dawg, I'm your boy.
You're not my fuckin' boy.
You're my bitch-ass cousin
who's been complaining all day.
Too scared to throw putasos.
[GROANS]
What the fuck?
Fuck you, dawg! I'm not your fuckin' boy?
I've been driving you around
all fuckin' day.
I'm doing my best to help you.
You're the one being a little bitch.
Let's go throw down.
For what? We're just
gonna get our asses beat.
Then let's go get
our asses beat together, like boys.
'Cause you might know about winning fights,
but I'm an expert in getting my ass whooped.
You ain't shit in this city
if you haven't beat my ass.
And I'm down 100 bucks,
so now I wanna fuckin' fight.
♪
♪
Damn. You're serious.
Goddamn right.
[HORN HONKS] JUNIOR: What the fuck?
Are we gonna do this or what?
♪
Let's go.
♪
In the back, Junior.
♪
♪
[SNAPPING FINGERS RHYTHMICALLY]
[GROANING]
Come on, Luis.
[GRUNTING]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING]
Hey.
They're here.
Western showdown music ♪
♪
♪
- So where your boys?
- [SCOFFS] Where are your boys?
They were preoccupied. I got busy boys.
But the boys I did bring
are finna beat your ass.
- [SCOFFS] You wanna bet?
- Yeah.
Imma do you like Chino did Tony.
[GRUNTS]
[BARKS]
- Yeah, let's do this.
- I'll fuck you up, old man.
Who are you?
Where am I? What's going on?
We talked about this, Grandpa.
I'm your grandson. You my boy.
And I busted you outta that nursing home
so we could whoop on some Mexicans.
What happened to Fat ass?
- He's not with us anymore.
- Damn.
What happened to Bust-a-Nut?
He's in heaven now.
With my Uncle Charles.
Texting and driving.
It's an epidemic, homey.
- Sorry for your loss.
- Yeah. You too.
So I guess shit's different now, huh?
Hey, I came here for a gang fight.
If we ain't gonna bust heads,
I wanna go home.
[INDISTINCT ARGUING IN DISTANCE]
Hold up. Look over there.
[GRUNTING]
ALL: Ohh!
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
Soaring music ♪
MAN 1: Take that motherfucker!
MAN 2: Get him!
♪
MAN 3: Come on, man!
♪
MAN 4: Yeah, kick his ass.
Come on, come on.
♪
♪
[FIST THUMPS] BYSTANDERS: Ohh!
JULIO: Damn, he got knocked the fuck out.
♪