Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! (2007) s05e03 Episode Script


Tim and Eric
Awesome Show
Tim and Eric
Awesome Show
Tim and Eric Awesome Show
Great Job!
My name is Jackie.
I recently wrote a
song about an accident that
happened to me,
and I'm gonna sing it now.
(music starts playing)
I just read the news,
I'm gonna be a mommy
Gonna be a mommy today.
It's my only child
I'm proud to be a mother
Proud to have a child
on the way.
A tiny human up in my womb
I'm gonna have to
see if I can make some
I just read the news,
I'm gonna be a mommy
Gonna be a mommy today.
JASON: If you just leave a
voice mail for them,
they'll call you back as
soon as-
Hey, Jason.
I gotta go.
Hey. Um Do you have
labels that I use for
my binders?
Like the A-2's?
Uh I think so. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. We got a bunch of
Oh, no. I'm sorry
the smaller ones.
Just put them there for a
A little bit too much tea
this morning.
Ice tea.
Almost done.
(moans and groans)
Oh Hello.
This the Tatum house?
(humming) "Yes."
Well, this box here, uh
This box contains the remains
of Casey Tatum.
A little girl found the bones
in Shepherds Pines this morning.
Yeah, nothing but bones.
You know how squirrels like to
eat that meat.
All right, all right.
(slams door)
(metal music plays)
(rooster crows)
Ah, ugh.
I must of--
Check and mate.
Hi. I'm Patrick Duffy.
I'm old and I'm tired.
My wife left me.
My friends all stopped calling.
But that's when I developed
Patrick Duffy's Man Nip.
It works just like cat nip,
but it's designed for men.
I'm Patrick Duffy.
And I'm grateful
to be joined by Keith.
So, Kelly,
would you apply the nips?
My man nip is a combination
of traditional animal nip
along with popular man spices
designed to arouse and
stimulate the elderly
mind and body.
The man nip is simple
inserted into the nose.
Now watch as they disappear.
You can see the nip starting to
take hold of this man's senses.
He's really starting to
feel the nip.
When they feel the nip the
first time, it's very exciting.
New doors opening to things
they might have forgotten over
the years.
Oh, don't worry. Nip users are
completely harmless.
You can almost hear
Keith purring, can't you?
We should meet for another
chess game some time.
Oh, Duffy DUFFY!
(Satanic voice) You're going
to hell.
You see? It works.
My nip's the best.
So please, guys,
just sniff my nip
Order Patrick Duffy nip, today.
I know I will.
I'm Patrick Duffy.
Hey, Krink. Question for you:
how do I send multiple-page
faxes on this machine?
Very simple-
Hope this deal goes through.
Yeah, I just got a couple
documents I gotta get over to
Mark as soon as possible.
What you up to this weekend?
DR. STEVE BRULE: Some jokers
have motorcycles.
I can't have one.
Can't afford it.
Have a cool uncle though.
Can't have everything.
Can't kiss a beautiful
girl and have a cool uncle.
If I had to choose between
kissing a beautiful girl
on the mouth or the lips
and a jet pack,
I would choose the jet pack.
'Cause then you'd get all the
good girls if you had a jet
Fly to them. It's simple.
If you have enough fuel.
(near whisper) For your
We're actually considering
having "nipping" franchises all
over the country.
Very exclusive membership.
Remarkable game.
Great job!
Ladies and gentlemen,
our next performer died
two years ago.
His remains were found and he
was brought back to life.
Here to sing "Alive Again"
is Casey and his brother.
(squeaky voice) Hi.
(shudders) I'm, uh from,
uh back from the dead.
Thank you.
(squeaky and fast)
I, uh, wanna
(semi-regular singing)
Am alive again.
Please, using blood again.
Thank you my
Thank you, my brother--
(guitar solo)
(squeaky voice) Thank you
everyone for--
Someone come help, please.
(squeaky voice) Thank you
for trying.
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