Todd & the Book of Pure Evil (2010) s02e06 Episode Script
Fisting Fantasy
Keep working, you delinquents.
I've got my eyes on you.
Don't think I'm not watching you- (videogame) Prepare to fist! You know I'm no computer expert, but that's very impressive work, boys.
Todd: We totally made this.
Yeah, Mrs.
Dempsey, you should probably give us both 'A's.
Yeah That better not be porn, Tyler- What are you playing? Fisting Fantasy 8.
It's only the best game since Fisting Fantasy 7.
Which one are you, Curtis? LadyDeathBoobs.
If you touch my boobs you die! Unless it was you.
I'd let you touch my boobs.
(giggling) Okay, XXXASSASSIN23XXX.
You go through the Deadly Gate first, you know, 'cause you're so noble and strong and stuff.
I'm on it, noble friend! For the clan! (mocking) For the clan! Uhhhhhh- (laughing) Who's XXXASSASSIN23XXX? No idea.
Probably some young naive Norwegian boy? He's our Norwegian bitch.
Watch, he's about to go through the gate.
I'm gonna block the gate for you with my arrows- You're shooting me! I'm on your team! Oh, dude! I'm not trying to! Ugh! I'm getting crushed by the gate! Wait, let me summon some bolt lightning.
Oh my God! Stop guys! You're making it worse! Ohhhh, haha, look at that guys.
I'm dead.
(videogame) XXXASSASSINXXX is dead! (laughing) That was mean.
He was supposed to be in your clan.
Oh, whatever.
It's just a game, it's not real life.
No- Beside it was funny.
Right, Jenny? Don't know.
Don't care.
We're not done, are we?? I'll try harder next time.
I can be good at this game.
I'll prove I'm a good member of the clan.
Betcha XXXASSFACE is probably crying somewhere in Norwegia right now- (Curtis laughing) Yeah, he's like: I'm a Norwegian (energy pulsing) "Iterium Initium" (energy pulsing) (videogame voice) Prepare to fist! (videogame voice) Do you have what it takes to fist this fantasy? Assemble your party! Barbarian! HA! Lady wizard! Oh! Village minstrel! (flute sounds) Catarian! Meow- Holy shit, dudes! Did you hear that voice? That's totally from our game! Curtis: That's not the only thing from our game- Awww, my barbarian costume! Badass! Dude, you're purple! - And your arm's back! - And you're stacked- GASP! I'm LadyDeathBoobs69! With actual LadyDeathBoobs boobs! I'd hypothesize that someone's used the Book to put us in your video game.
Someone who likes cats.
Todd: I don't get it.
Usually whoever uses the Book makes our lives shitty.
But this is wicked! Why am I a merry man? Huh? Actually, you're a minstrel- Great! I'm a busker.
Are you kidding me?? Jenny, back when people lived in castles minstrels were like rock stars.
They made the most kick ass music in all the land! So instead of a weapon I get a friggin' pan flute? That's an ocarina and I think we'd all appreciate it if you could try not to be so ignorant towards medieval history.
There were no cat people in the middle ages.
Or purple she-males.
I beg to differ.
But if it makes you feel any better, I got stuck with this shitty level one wooden sword.
It's a good thing I have my arm back- How do you girls not play with these all day long? Uhhh! What's wrong sweetie-cat? I think there's a dead snake in my pants.
GASP! Jenny! (Hannah squealing) Ohno that's not right.
BUT, Curtis got a rack, so you have a penis.
And that evens out.
Futanari! I don't wanna have a penis! Here's what we're gonna do- First we're gonna find that lame dork that stuck us in this fantasy, and then we're gonna make your penis vanish.
You ladies should stick with us experts.
I say first, we find the asshole that stuck us in this wicked fantasy, and then we make Hannah's wang vanish.
Yep, that's what I just said.
Yeah, but I said it better.
(videogame voice) The adventure begins! Start your journey! Best part about being stuck in a videogame is how straightforward it is- First you fight some dudes, then you get some swag, game over.
No surprises.
Ah! Welcome to my kingdomOF DEATH!!! I am The Red Knight, ruler of all! Listen up, asshole, give us the Book before it kills you, ok? No puny book shall destroy me! You will be the one slain by me! Three times each and then I will rule this Kingdom! FOREVER! Holy shit! You're XXXASSASSIN23XXX, aren't you? If he is, and he's got the Book, then he must go to our school- Dude, this is because we punked you, isn't it? Look, I know what you're thinking but the Book of Pure Evil is no game! It is no game! But rather a mighty quest! First you must find the sacred sword! And then you must fight your way to defeat me! But be warned! For hidden in these enchanted lands are my evil allies! OF DEATH!!! Joke's on you, pal, we're gonna smoke you right now.
Oh, will you? Whoa! Badass! (videogame voice) Entering the filthy village of ***! The first thing we need to do is find the sacred sword.
Whoa, whoa- What the hell? What's the problem, Todd? Uh, I thought we were leading this quest? Hannah, um- Remember how we asked you girls to leave the questing to us? Apologies if I seem curt, honey, but no way.
Jenny's life and my life are as much on the line as yours.
You tell 'em, Hannah.
Wow, Curtis, who wears the penis in this relationship? (beeping) The Murk Lurkers, the Murk Lurkers! They razed our village and ate all our crops! You must help us before they make passes at our wives! Murk lurkers? Todd: What's a murk lurker? (growling) Sound dumb! Littleand stupid.
We're the Murk Lurkers! AH! OF DEATH!!! Leave this to the barbarian- WHACK! CLANG! Awman.
(growling) Leave this to the lady wizard! Curtis- Bolt lightning! ZAP! Oh- I had my staff turned the wrong way- (growling) ZAP! What the hell, dude? What- I killed the Murk Lurkers! And you killed us too! WHACK! Todd! What? It's just a wooden sword! I didn't think it would actually hurt him! So each of us has lost a life before we've taken a single step on our "quest".
Jenny: Yep- That doesn't bode well.
(videogame voice) Approaching the hall of treasures! Ok, we need to find the sacred sword! If this is a video game there's gotta be a weapon's shop somewhere around here.
But first we need some gold.
Ideas? We could look in the sparkly gold locker? Ooh! I won something! Looks like shopping is on me.
Curtis: My turn! (videogame voice) Plus fifty gold! Cooool! Free skull! No, Curtis! ZAP! Ow- Okay We need to find that weapon's store fast.
Mischievio knows the way! Unless you'd rather stay and play.
Weeeeeeee! Oh, weeee! Who are you? Gentle Mischievio is my name.
Aiding heroes is my game.
He's rhyming! That's amazing! If to the blacksmith you wish to go.
Follow brave Mischieviooooo! Are we sure we can trust this thing? I mean, he has mischief in his name.
How can you not trust a face like that? Okay, Mischievio, you may lead us.
But trust this! If you punk us, we'll hold you down and I will personally drop a deuce on your furry little chest.
You got it? Mmmhmmm Mmmhmm.
(videogame voice) Approaching the Blacksmith! You see, I'm more than fun I get the job done! Oh, Jimmy's the Blacksmith- Sick! I bet we'll get a discount! Ugh! Clang! Clang! Hey, Jimmy! Hey Gang- What can I get you from the Secret Chamber of Stuff? Doesn't he recognize us? Hey Jimmy- Hey gang, what can I get you from the Secret Chamber of Stuff? He must be part of the game! Oh! Hmmmm- What can I buy? How much for that metal bra? Oh, you want the Magic Titty-Holder for fifty smackers? Hell, yeah! No, wait! Nice! (videogame) Minus fifty gold! Dude, how is that gonna help us? Well, it lifts and separates.
Ugh- Ok, my turn! I will take that bitching sword, my good dude.
Titty Wizard spent all your gold, dude.
Ok, how about that one? Titty Wizard spent all your gold, dude.
That one? Titty Wizard spent all your gold, dude.
This sucks! First I don't get a goatee and now I don't even get a weapon? Way to go, Curtis.
Now our fearless leader doesn't have his precious sword.
We need to find that sacred sword.
If a sword to wield my friend doth seek-- Hey, Mischievio! Thank you, we're thinking right now! But if a sword to wield my friend doth-- Shut up, you little turd! Wait! I think Mischievio is trying to tell us something! Mmmhmm! Go ahead, Mischievio.
If a sword to wield my friend doth seek? Come with me, we'll take a peek! Okay, but for the record, you're not my friend.
(videogame voice) Approaching the secret temple! The sword resides with the Great Deceiver.
A blade called Sanddragon, true believer! Ah, of course Sanddragon- What other sacred sword could there be?! Oh, and I hope you're quick on your feet! For Snaketicus you must defeat! Snaketicus Right.
Sanddragon! Curtis: Hurry, Todd! Snaketicus could be anywhere! (struggling) I'm hurrying- Jenny: Todd! Behind you! Sorry, Jenny, but I'm busy trying to be the greatest hero in this universe right now.
HISS! Ahh! Oh, hello, Troupe! Now that I've got you in my lair, prepare to be defeated byThnaketicuth! Curtis: Not if I bolt lightning you first! Bo- Where's my staff? You must have left it in Jimmy's closet.
You know, if I had a weapon, I wouldn't lose it.
Just saying.
HISS! Ha! You're gonna have to be faster than that if you want to bite my shit, Snaketicus! Fool! I wathn't aiming for you! Hannah? Ow Curtis: What?! Hi fluffy pillows, time to go nap nap Hannah?! SNAKETICUS!!! Snaketicus, if she dies so help me- Oh, I have a cure, and I'll give it to you.
But only if you feed me a thacrifithe! I think we all know what we have to do here- Yeah- We give him Mischievio.
Uh! Absolutely! HISS! Whoa, hey! To the snake you would throw me? Well, Mischievio says blow me! I can't choose between my girlfriend and a magical imp! You can't do that to a man! It's me- Hannah for me.
Jenny: No No- No.
How thurprithing.
The lady withard ith the true hero, and not the barbarian.
There ith no cure.
(laughing) Firtht I will eat you, and then I'm gonna eat your friendth! And then I'll have a nap! Becauthe I will be full.
You're a dishonest snake! HISS! CLANG! My, my fangs! I just had them capped! You just got owned by a big-tittied wizard! You will die a big-tittied wizard.
HISS! Haha, tickles! That tickles, that tickles! Stop! HISS! Stupid kids! Oh, and one more thing- HISS! Ok, Snaketicus- Ugh! Jenny: Too late, Todd.
Awman- How do we save Hannah?! Snaketicus said there was no cure! My eyes are up here, dude! Sorry- Mischievio knows a cure.
Huh? That didn't rhyme.
Well, Mischievio feels like poo.
Doesn't really want to rhyme for you.
That rhymed.
But Mischievio! I almost sacrificed my life for you! Okfor you Mischievio will tell, but the goateed Minstrel you can go tohell.
(videogame voice) Approaching the grove of healing! To revive the Catarian and resume out hunt, we'll need a song from this Minstrel cu- Todd: Hey! Seriously? For Hannah.
(Jenny playing) Hannah: Curtis Wow, it's working! Thanks, Jenny! Yeah- You okay? Let's go.
(Jenny playing) Todd: Come on, Jenny! Hey, Jenny, come on! (Jenny playing) JENNY! (videgame voice) Approaching the Ice Cave! The Frost Goblim roams this cold domain! She'll freeze you in ice and here you'll remain! Frost Goblin: I smell a bunch of delinquentsssss! Your ass is ice! Dudes, check out that door! Somehow we've got to unlock it while avoiding the Goblin's touch.
This will require stealth.
Why are you looking at me? Duh, you're a Catarian.
Your species specializes in stealth.
You gotta do it, Hannah- If Hannah manages to sneak past the frost bitch, how is she gonna unlock the doors? No idea.
That's why they call it a puzzle.
'Cause no one knows the answer.
Don't think I'm not watching! Even though I'm blind I can still smell.
Good luck- (sniffing) I smell teenagers! (sniffing) Yes! I feel like I'm very close now It smells a little bit like shit back here! GASP! That shape is strangely familiar- If only I had some sort of stick that was ten inches long with a bulbous mushroomshaped end and two dangling orbs-- Oh, come on, come on, we must make haste! The answer lies below your waist! Shut the fuck up, Mischievio?! I smell you, feline! Hannah: This is ridiculous! Wait- This is a video game.
It specializes in the ridiculous! Uh, is she doing what I think she's doing? That's my girl! And what a cock! She's pricking the lock! (growling/hissing) (beeping) Yes! Noooo, you have brought warmth to my frozen hell! I must retreat into my ice cave! Ohhhhhhhhhh! Let's go! Way to go, sweetie! (giggling) Don't forget, Mischievio! Haha! Haha- Oh, Mischievio, we could never forget you- Get him! (struggling) Why'd you guys go and do that for? Because that fuzzball is a liability.
He almost got Hannah frozen! And he smells.
He's got like shit-nuggets in his fur.
Come on! Bang-bang! (videogame) Approaching the lair of the Red Knight! Curtis: The cafeteria? Wicked! Maybe I can score some mead- Hannah: And a dragon burger.
Yeah! You ride dragons, Hannah, you don't eat them.
Look, it's that red guy again.
We meet again, XXXASSASSIN23XXX.
And so ends your life OF DEATH!!! STOMP! Ugh! Woo- It's a dance challenge! I jumped and dodged the first blast! Oh, man, I suck at these.
Then follow my lead! Remember: The key is in the timing.
Watch the lights and forget the music! Wait a minute! Jenny, you play Boogie Woogie Uprising, don't you?! No comment.
Now follow my lead! (videogame voice) LEVEL ONE! STOMP! Jump! Step! Jump! Step! Jump! NO! (videogame voice) LEVEL TWO! (videogame voice) LEVEL THREE! Look at his chest! Time to finish this! Yeaaaaaah, uh!!! I am defeated! But you will encounter me again in Fisting Fantasy 9.
Next spring! Pre-order it now.
Why hasn't the world gone back to normal? I thought I defeated XXXASSASSIN23XXX? Is it possible that killing The Red Knight wasn't the end of the quest? Ugh- What?! So how do we get out of this game? Oh man I didn't kill the boss?! But I'm supposed to be the hero! Ahahaha! And now the Red Knight will meet his demise! When Mischievio and friends take him by- Surprise? Yeah, we already defeated the Red Knight, Mischievio.
No thanks to you.
We were supposed to finish the quest together! Don't you understand? I'm XXXASSASSIN23XXX! So the Red Knight is Mischievio!? No, no, no! I am Mischievio! Kyle! Who's Kyle? I'm in your computer class.
I used the book to make Fisting Fantast real so that we could be a clan for real.
We kill you all the time.
We think you suck.
I know that.
I knew you guys hated the Red Knight so I changed who I was so that we could fight the Red Knight together! What's your name again? Kyle! That doesn't sound Norwegish.
So you thought you could be our friend by becoming an annoying little shithead? Annoying?? I thought I was being funny! Endearing! No one wants to be here except you.
None of that matters, okay? You have ruined my fantasy! And you have ruined my life! (energy pulsing) For your folly, you must pay! For now it is Mischievio's day! (energy pulsing) (giggling) Yeah, now's my chance to be the hero! Enough with the stupid fucking rhymes, you jackass! THUMP! (videogame voice) GAME OVER! I did it! I win! I totally saved us! I did it! My penis is gone! What's with the sad faces? Man, I was supposed to be the hero.
My boobs are gone.
I had plans for those.
Me too.
(laughing) Yes!
I've got my eyes on you.
Don't think I'm not watching you- (videogame) Prepare to fist! You know I'm no computer expert, but that's very impressive work, boys.
Todd: We totally made this.
Yeah, Mrs.
Dempsey, you should probably give us both 'A's.
Yeah That better not be porn, Tyler- What are you playing? Fisting Fantasy 8.
It's only the best game since Fisting Fantasy 7.
Which one are you, Curtis? LadyDeathBoobs.
If you touch my boobs you die! Unless it was you.
I'd let you touch my boobs.
(giggling) Okay, XXXASSASSIN23XXX.
You go through the Deadly Gate first, you know, 'cause you're so noble and strong and stuff.
I'm on it, noble friend! For the clan! (mocking) For the clan! Uhhhhhh- (laughing) Who's XXXASSASSIN23XXX? No idea.
Probably some young naive Norwegian boy? He's our Norwegian bitch.
Watch, he's about to go through the gate.
I'm gonna block the gate for you with my arrows- You're shooting me! I'm on your team! Oh, dude! I'm not trying to! Ugh! I'm getting crushed by the gate! Wait, let me summon some bolt lightning.
Oh my God! Stop guys! You're making it worse! Ohhhh, haha, look at that guys.
I'm dead.
(videogame) XXXASSASSINXXX is dead! (laughing) That was mean.
He was supposed to be in your clan.
Oh, whatever.
It's just a game, it's not real life.
No- Beside it was funny.
Right, Jenny? Don't know.
Don't care.
We're not done, are we?? I'll try harder next time.
I can be good at this game.
I'll prove I'm a good member of the clan.
Betcha XXXASSFACE is probably crying somewhere in Norwegia right now- (Curtis laughing) Yeah, he's like: I'm a Norwegian (energy pulsing) "Iterium Initium" (energy pulsing) (videogame voice) Prepare to fist! (videogame voice) Do you have what it takes to fist this fantasy? Assemble your party! Barbarian! HA! Lady wizard! Oh! Village minstrel! (flute sounds) Catarian! Meow- Holy shit, dudes! Did you hear that voice? That's totally from our game! Curtis: That's not the only thing from our game- Awww, my barbarian costume! Badass! Dude, you're purple! - And your arm's back! - And you're stacked- GASP! I'm LadyDeathBoobs69! With actual LadyDeathBoobs boobs! I'd hypothesize that someone's used the Book to put us in your video game.
Someone who likes cats.
Todd: I don't get it.
Usually whoever uses the Book makes our lives shitty.
But this is wicked! Why am I a merry man? Huh? Actually, you're a minstrel- Great! I'm a busker.
Are you kidding me?? Jenny, back when people lived in castles minstrels were like rock stars.
They made the most kick ass music in all the land! So instead of a weapon I get a friggin' pan flute? That's an ocarina and I think we'd all appreciate it if you could try not to be so ignorant towards medieval history.
There were no cat people in the middle ages.
Or purple she-males.
I beg to differ.
But if it makes you feel any better, I got stuck with this shitty level one wooden sword.
It's a good thing I have my arm back- How do you girls not play with these all day long? Uhhh! What's wrong sweetie-cat? I think there's a dead snake in my pants.
GASP! Jenny! (Hannah squealing) Ohno that's not right.
BUT, Curtis got a rack, so you have a penis.
And that evens out.
Futanari! I don't wanna have a penis! Here's what we're gonna do- First we're gonna find that lame dork that stuck us in this fantasy, and then we're gonna make your penis vanish.
You ladies should stick with us experts.
I say first, we find the asshole that stuck us in this wicked fantasy, and then we make Hannah's wang vanish.
Yep, that's what I just said.
Yeah, but I said it better.
(videogame voice) The adventure begins! Start your journey! Best part about being stuck in a videogame is how straightforward it is- First you fight some dudes, then you get some swag, game over.
No surprises.
Ah! Welcome to my kingdomOF DEATH!!! I am The Red Knight, ruler of all! Listen up, asshole, give us the Book before it kills you, ok? No puny book shall destroy me! You will be the one slain by me! Three times each and then I will rule this Kingdom! FOREVER! Holy shit! You're XXXASSASSIN23XXX, aren't you? If he is, and he's got the Book, then he must go to our school- Dude, this is because we punked you, isn't it? Look, I know what you're thinking but the Book of Pure Evil is no game! It is no game! But rather a mighty quest! First you must find the sacred sword! And then you must fight your way to defeat me! But be warned! For hidden in these enchanted lands are my evil allies! OF DEATH!!! Joke's on you, pal, we're gonna smoke you right now.
Oh, will you? Whoa! Badass! (videogame voice) Entering the filthy village of ***! The first thing we need to do is find the sacred sword.
Whoa, whoa- What the hell? What's the problem, Todd? Uh, I thought we were leading this quest? Hannah, um- Remember how we asked you girls to leave the questing to us? Apologies if I seem curt, honey, but no way.
Jenny's life and my life are as much on the line as yours.
You tell 'em, Hannah.
Wow, Curtis, who wears the penis in this relationship? (beeping) The Murk Lurkers, the Murk Lurkers! They razed our village and ate all our crops! You must help us before they make passes at our wives! Murk lurkers? Todd: What's a murk lurker? (growling) Sound dumb! Littleand stupid.
We're the Murk Lurkers! AH! OF DEATH!!! Leave this to the barbarian- WHACK! CLANG! Awman.
(growling) Leave this to the lady wizard! Curtis- Bolt lightning! ZAP! Oh- I had my staff turned the wrong way- (growling) ZAP! What the hell, dude? What- I killed the Murk Lurkers! And you killed us too! WHACK! Todd! What? It's just a wooden sword! I didn't think it would actually hurt him! So each of us has lost a life before we've taken a single step on our "quest".
Jenny: Yep- That doesn't bode well.
(videogame voice) Approaching the hall of treasures! Ok, we need to find the sacred sword! If this is a video game there's gotta be a weapon's shop somewhere around here.
But first we need some gold.
Ideas? We could look in the sparkly gold locker? Ooh! I won something! Looks like shopping is on me.
Curtis: My turn! (videogame voice) Plus fifty gold! Cooool! Free skull! No, Curtis! ZAP! Ow- Okay We need to find that weapon's store fast.
Mischievio knows the way! Unless you'd rather stay and play.
Weeeeeeee! Oh, weeee! Who are you? Gentle Mischievio is my name.
Aiding heroes is my game.
He's rhyming! That's amazing! If to the blacksmith you wish to go.
Follow brave Mischieviooooo! Are we sure we can trust this thing? I mean, he has mischief in his name.
How can you not trust a face like that? Okay, Mischievio, you may lead us.
But trust this! If you punk us, we'll hold you down and I will personally drop a deuce on your furry little chest.
You got it? Mmmhmmm Mmmhmm.
(videogame voice) Approaching the Blacksmith! You see, I'm more than fun I get the job done! Oh, Jimmy's the Blacksmith- Sick! I bet we'll get a discount! Ugh! Clang! Clang! Hey, Jimmy! Hey Gang- What can I get you from the Secret Chamber of Stuff? Doesn't he recognize us? Hey Jimmy- Hey gang, what can I get you from the Secret Chamber of Stuff? He must be part of the game! Oh! Hmmmm- What can I buy? How much for that metal bra? Oh, you want the Magic Titty-Holder for fifty smackers? Hell, yeah! No, wait! Nice! (videogame) Minus fifty gold! Dude, how is that gonna help us? Well, it lifts and separates.
Ugh- Ok, my turn! I will take that bitching sword, my good dude.
Titty Wizard spent all your gold, dude.
Ok, how about that one? Titty Wizard spent all your gold, dude.
That one? Titty Wizard spent all your gold, dude.
This sucks! First I don't get a goatee and now I don't even get a weapon? Way to go, Curtis.
Now our fearless leader doesn't have his precious sword.
We need to find that sacred sword.
If a sword to wield my friend doth seek-- Hey, Mischievio! Thank you, we're thinking right now! But if a sword to wield my friend doth-- Shut up, you little turd! Wait! I think Mischievio is trying to tell us something! Mmmhmm! Go ahead, Mischievio.
If a sword to wield my friend doth seek? Come with me, we'll take a peek! Okay, but for the record, you're not my friend.
(videogame voice) Approaching the secret temple! The sword resides with the Great Deceiver.
A blade called Sanddragon, true believer! Ah, of course Sanddragon- What other sacred sword could there be?! Oh, and I hope you're quick on your feet! For Snaketicus you must defeat! Snaketicus Right.
Sanddragon! Curtis: Hurry, Todd! Snaketicus could be anywhere! (struggling) I'm hurrying- Jenny: Todd! Behind you! Sorry, Jenny, but I'm busy trying to be the greatest hero in this universe right now.
HISS! Ahh! Oh, hello, Troupe! Now that I've got you in my lair, prepare to be defeated byThnaketicuth! Curtis: Not if I bolt lightning you first! Bo- Where's my staff? You must have left it in Jimmy's closet.
You know, if I had a weapon, I wouldn't lose it.
Just saying.
HISS! Ha! You're gonna have to be faster than that if you want to bite my shit, Snaketicus! Fool! I wathn't aiming for you! Hannah? Ow Curtis: What?! Hi fluffy pillows, time to go nap nap Hannah?! SNAKETICUS!!! Snaketicus, if she dies so help me- Oh, I have a cure, and I'll give it to you.
But only if you feed me a thacrifithe! I think we all know what we have to do here- Yeah- We give him Mischievio.
Uh! Absolutely! HISS! Whoa, hey! To the snake you would throw me? Well, Mischievio says blow me! I can't choose between my girlfriend and a magical imp! You can't do that to a man! It's me- Hannah for me.
Jenny: No No- No.
How thurprithing.
The lady withard ith the true hero, and not the barbarian.
There ith no cure.
(laughing) Firtht I will eat you, and then I'm gonna eat your friendth! And then I'll have a nap! Becauthe I will be full.
You're a dishonest snake! HISS! CLANG! My, my fangs! I just had them capped! You just got owned by a big-tittied wizard! You will die a big-tittied wizard.
HISS! Haha, tickles! That tickles, that tickles! Stop! HISS! Stupid kids! Oh, and one more thing- HISS! Ok, Snaketicus- Ugh! Jenny: Too late, Todd.
Awman- How do we save Hannah?! Snaketicus said there was no cure! My eyes are up here, dude! Sorry- Mischievio knows a cure.
Huh? That didn't rhyme.
Well, Mischievio feels like poo.
Doesn't really want to rhyme for you.
That rhymed.
But Mischievio! I almost sacrificed my life for you! Okfor you Mischievio will tell, but the goateed Minstrel you can go tohell.
(videogame voice) Approaching the grove of healing! To revive the Catarian and resume out hunt, we'll need a song from this Minstrel cu- Todd: Hey! Seriously? For Hannah.
(Jenny playing) Hannah: Curtis Wow, it's working! Thanks, Jenny! Yeah- You okay? Let's go.
(Jenny playing) Todd: Come on, Jenny! Hey, Jenny, come on! (Jenny playing) JENNY! (videgame voice) Approaching the Ice Cave! The Frost Goblim roams this cold domain! She'll freeze you in ice and here you'll remain! Frost Goblin: I smell a bunch of delinquentsssss! Your ass is ice! Dudes, check out that door! Somehow we've got to unlock it while avoiding the Goblin's touch.
This will require stealth.
Why are you looking at me? Duh, you're a Catarian.
Your species specializes in stealth.
You gotta do it, Hannah- If Hannah manages to sneak past the frost bitch, how is she gonna unlock the doors? No idea.
That's why they call it a puzzle.
'Cause no one knows the answer.
Don't think I'm not watching! Even though I'm blind I can still smell.
Good luck- (sniffing) I smell teenagers! (sniffing) Yes! I feel like I'm very close now It smells a little bit like shit back here! GASP! That shape is strangely familiar- If only I had some sort of stick that was ten inches long with a bulbous mushroomshaped end and two dangling orbs-- Oh, come on, come on, we must make haste! The answer lies below your waist! Shut the fuck up, Mischievio?! I smell you, feline! Hannah: This is ridiculous! Wait- This is a video game.
It specializes in the ridiculous! Uh, is she doing what I think she's doing? That's my girl! And what a cock! She's pricking the lock! (growling/hissing) (beeping) Yes! Noooo, you have brought warmth to my frozen hell! I must retreat into my ice cave! Ohhhhhhhhhh! Let's go! Way to go, sweetie! (giggling) Don't forget, Mischievio! Haha! Haha- Oh, Mischievio, we could never forget you- Get him! (struggling) Why'd you guys go and do that for? Because that fuzzball is a liability.
He almost got Hannah frozen! And he smells.
He's got like shit-nuggets in his fur.
Come on! Bang-bang! (videogame) Approaching the lair of the Red Knight! Curtis: The cafeteria? Wicked! Maybe I can score some mead- Hannah: And a dragon burger.
Yeah! You ride dragons, Hannah, you don't eat them.
Look, it's that red guy again.
We meet again, XXXASSASSIN23XXX.
And so ends your life OF DEATH!!! STOMP! Ugh! Woo- It's a dance challenge! I jumped and dodged the first blast! Oh, man, I suck at these.
Then follow my lead! Remember: The key is in the timing.
Watch the lights and forget the music! Wait a minute! Jenny, you play Boogie Woogie Uprising, don't you?! No comment.
Now follow my lead! (videogame voice) LEVEL ONE! STOMP! Jump! Step! Jump! Step! Jump! NO! (videogame voice) LEVEL TWO! (videogame voice) LEVEL THREE! Look at his chest! Time to finish this! Yeaaaaaah, uh!!! I am defeated! But you will encounter me again in Fisting Fantasy 9.
Next spring! Pre-order it now.
Why hasn't the world gone back to normal? I thought I defeated XXXASSASSIN23XXX? Is it possible that killing The Red Knight wasn't the end of the quest? Ugh- What?! So how do we get out of this game? Oh man I didn't kill the boss?! But I'm supposed to be the hero! Ahahaha! And now the Red Knight will meet his demise! When Mischievio and friends take him by- Surprise? Yeah, we already defeated the Red Knight, Mischievio.
No thanks to you.
We were supposed to finish the quest together! Don't you understand? I'm XXXASSASSIN23XXX! So the Red Knight is Mischievio!? No, no, no! I am Mischievio! Kyle! Who's Kyle? I'm in your computer class.
I used the book to make Fisting Fantast real so that we could be a clan for real.
We kill you all the time.
We think you suck.
I know that.
I knew you guys hated the Red Knight so I changed who I was so that we could fight the Red Knight together! What's your name again? Kyle! That doesn't sound Norwegish.
So you thought you could be our friend by becoming an annoying little shithead? Annoying?? I thought I was being funny! Endearing! No one wants to be here except you.
None of that matters, okay? You have ruined my fantasy! And you have ruined my life! (energy pulsing) For your folly, you must pay! For now it is Mischievio's day! (energy pulsing) (giggling) Yeah, now's my chance to be the hero! Enough with the stupid fucking rhymes, you jackass! THUMP! (videogame voice) GAME OVER! I did it! I win! I totally saved us! I did it! My penis is gone! What's with the sad faces? Man, I was supposed to be the hero.
My boobs are gone.
I had plans for those.
Me too.
(laughing) Yes!