Top Gear (2002) s24e02 Episode Script

Series 24, Episode 2

Hello and welcome to Top Gear.
Tonight, we've got Porsche vs Lamborghini.
And Chris Harris vs a large wall.
But we begin with Alfa Romeo.
Back in the '60s, Alfa created cars like this, the GTA, that were genuine world-beaters - fast, cutting edge and brilliant.
The trouble is since those heady times, the Alfa story has been one of disappointment, false dawn and disappointment.
But now there's a new Alfa that finally promises to bring back the good old days.
This is the Alfa Romeo Giulia and, like any good Alfa, it's a looker.
But, like no Alfa four-door in a very long time, the Giulia is rear-wheel drive and under the bonnet of this ã59,000 Quadrifoglio version is a twin turbo V6, making over 500hp.
Exciting headlines, but, come on, this is Alfa.
It can't possibly live up to the promisecan it? Oh, yes, it can! This thing is mighty .
in just about every area.
But I've got to start with that engine.
It's effectively a Ferrari V8 with two cylinders lopped off the front.
So, what you have is an Alfa Romeo saloon powered by a Ferrari engine.
How cool is that? And then there's the way it works.
It does an incredible impression of a normally aspirated engine.
At the top where most turbo engines kind of run out of puff, this one keeps going.
That V6 is a fraud in the most perfect way.
It's so fast! But there's no point having all that power and torque if the chassis can't cope.
And that's the genius of this car - the chassis can cope.
There's so much grip on these roads, you can just fire it into turns at unbelievable speed.
And the whole thing just feels so composed.
That's the word - composed.
They've even done serious things, like weight saving.
Large areas of the bodywork are made from carbon fibre.
Most of the interior is covered in the stuff.
And what isn't carbon fibre is aluminium.
It's all very convincing.
And then there's where you sit.
Italy has spent decades perfecting the art of the awful driving position.
It's a matter of national pride, but somehow they've managed to forget it all with this car because these seats are perfect.
This steering wheel is in just the right place.
I can only assume that, at some point in the early '70s, all the Alfa engineers that knew about making a car fun to drive got accidentally locked in a store cupboard and that at some point last year, Alfa found the key.
All those years spent reworking flabby front-wheel drive Fiats, all those disappointments we've endured - at last, this Giulia is the real deal.
I can't believe this is happening.
This is one of the best moments of my year so far.
Ha-ha! And I know this is the bit where I'm supposed to reveal the big "but" - to conclude that, yes, the Giulia is interesting, but still basically rubbish.
But it isn't.
It isn't rubbish at all.
It's magnificent! And that, ironically, is the problem.
Now Alfa's finally created a car capable of mixing it with the best in the world, it's going to have to Well, you can see where this is going.
That is the BMW M3.
The sort of car unlikely to be amused by some pretty-faced Italian muscling in on its patch.
Oh, no, you don't, Wolfgang! The M3 really is the defining super saloon of our era.
It's a spectacular car and I adore it, I really do.
This thing really can live with it.
I've got more power, I've got more torque, I've got less weight.
What's not to love? This Alfa is all over this BMW, whether he likes it or not! Ooh-ah! Thug! He may have a bit more lowdown punch and his interior plastics may be a bit better.
Look, this arm rest, that could come off at any point, but I know which car I'd rather be in right now and it's not the M3.
I can't believe I'm saying that, but it's not the M3.
I'm going sideways in a 500hp Alfa Romeo! And that's a beautiful thing! You can slide this car anywhere you want.
Wow! And just look what happens when you get it onto the straight.
0-100mph in 8.
2 seconds and 190mph flat out.
God, this thing is fast! So, and I almost can't believe I'm finally saying this, Alfa's done it - built a super saloon to beat the very best.
It's like England finally winning the World Cup - a day many had hoped for, but, in their heart of hearts, never believed could really happen.
- Rory, what are you doing? - Well, I couldn't help but hear you saying Stop there! That you could slide this car anywhere you want.
Well, I thought you might want to prove it.
So, you want me to skid sideways through that? Exactly.
- What's it made of? - It's a frangible material.
- What, so it's made of almonds? - No, it's frangible.
What does that mean? I don't actually know.
Right, my comprehensive review being a little high-brow for some, my childish colleague would now have me put the Alfa sideways through a hole in a wall.
OK, come on, Giulia.
We've made a boast.
I know you weren't involved, but I've made a boast to Mr Reid.
You've got to help me out now.
Don't let me down.
And frangible, it turns out, has nothing to do with almonds.
It means fragile.
This feels very, very wrong.
Rory, why are you in an umpire's chair Please don't question the umpire, Chris.
- You're so childish.
- Bring on the wall! There is no way on earth he's going to do this.
Everything in my brain is saying, "Don't drive at the big grey wall.
" That wasn't good.
Big damage to the car, big damage to the car.
So, not that frangible.
I thought you said you could drift this anywhere.
You seen the windscreen? That went really well! (God!) What do you think went wrong, mate? What a mess! Disaster! - I want to do it again.
- You want to do it again? - Yeah.
Set it up.
I'm not giving up.
'Honestly, I was feeling about as wounded as the poor Giulia.
' I've got to get this right.
I can do this.
We can do this! 'So, with the wall rebuilt, Chris lined up for another attempt.
' Come on! Come on, Giulia! Bring on the wall! Already, stop saying that.
This is going to go so horribly wrong.
'And this time, he would try a slightly different line.
' No, that's not worked, either.
Mate, you went through the wall, just not quite in the shape of the Giulia.
- Do you understand the concept we're working towards here? - Set it up.
- I'm not giving up.
- I think the car can do it.
'OK, Harris was running out of time, 'but somehow still confident he could do it before the day was out.
' - Bring on the wall! - Shut up, Rory! 'My tenacious colleague set off to make it third time lucky.
' Drift the car through the wall.
'Then again' I accept, as Chris Harris, that my statement that I could drift it through anything was, on reflection, unwise.
I want to do one more.
As much as I want to see him fail, there's a small part of me that wants him to succeed.
'And so day became night and with supplies of frangible wall 'now critically low, Chris settled himself for one final attempt.
' I just want to get this done.
I want to succeed.
'Oh, just one more thing.
' Bring on the wall! Here we go, then.
Come on, Chris.
Come on! Is this really going to work? I can't even see what I'm doing here.
I think you can do this.
Come on, mate.
- Whoa-hoa-hoa! - YES! Whoa-hoa-hoa-hoa! YEAH! Yes, baby! Oh, my God! I can't believe we did it! I always knew you could do it.
I always knew you could do it.
Oh, yes! Celebratory doughnuts! - Nailed it! Shame about the windscreen, though.
- Yeah, I know.
Look, no-one felt worse about damaging the Alfa than me.
- But, look, I fixed it.
- You did, yeah, I see that.
I also see that you moved the steering wheel to the other side of the car.
Oh, yeah, you noticed that.
I'm sorry.
And, Rory, didn't you just steal that wall idea from that BMW ad a few years ago? You know that that was all CGI in that ad, right? No.
You could have killed Chris! You can't just jump to the front of the queue like that.
- Oi! - Hey, I'm kidding.
Now it's time to put the Giulia around our test track and you know what that means.
It's The Stig! Here we go, then, off the line, a bit of launch control.
This is so powerful, this car - over 500hp, carbon fibre bodywork.
Stig getting very lively into the first turn, there.
The little straight down to Chicago really is Look, he's managing the throttle there, oversteer everywhere, using the systems.
They'd have been on in race mode here now.
Through Chicago, bit of understeer.
Gets on the gas, neutralises it.
Look at the back end now.
Well controlled by our white-suited friend.
Into the braking zone, into Hammerhead.
Again, look at those brake rotors glowing red hot, carbon ceramics.
Round Hammerhead again.
He starts with understeer then he neutralises it with the gas.
It starts to suggest oversteer.
Now, the long straight back down towards the Follow Through.
That's quick through there.
Follow Through Oh, that was fast.
All the way down, now, to Second-to-Last.
Look at the front brake rotor glowing.
There it is.
Look at that, red hot, even on a nice sunny day.
Now through Second-to-Last Oh, oversteer, that's just showboating.
And Gambonand over the line.
CHEERING So, the fastest four-door ever to lap our track I believe was the Mitsubishi Evo VIII, at 1:24.
- So - We have a new fastest saloon car.
- Ooh.
- Cos the Alfa did it in 1:21.
- Ooh.
- Nice, very nice.
Not only that, same day, same conditions, we lapped the new M3 and it was slower, two tenths slower.
So the Alfa is officially faster than an M3! - That's great news for them.
- That is - Well done, Alfa.
- That's the benchmark, right? Wow.
There you have it.
Great stuff.
The European exotica doesn't end there, because we are now a week closer to me driving the new Renault Twingo! Yeah.
Can't wait for that(!) But now, it's time to welcome this week's guest.
He stars in Broadchurch and was once voted the planet's greenest celebrity - this should be interesting.
LAUGHTER Please welcome - David Tennant! - Hello! - Hey! - Welcome, welcome.
- Nice to be here.
- Have a seat.
All right.
David, thanks for joining us.
- Pleasure, nice place you got here.
- Thanks.
Thank you.
Now, how did you become the planet's greenest celebrity? Tell us about that.
I have absolutely no idea.
The only reason I can fathom is that I drive a Prius.
That seems to be it.
But now, because I have too many children, we had to get, like, a big, old van as well.
So I now have a Mercedes Viano to get everyone in the back, and that's a big diesel-guzzling monster, so I think I've lost any prizes that I ever won.
But you got rid of the Prius? - We've still got the Prius as well.
- MATT SIGHS What's wrong with a Prius?! Look, I'm on David's side.
Everybody is always saying the Prius is this horrible car, it's disgusting to drive, but I think it deserves a little bit of respect, OK? Because it represents the biggest evolutionary step in the history of the automotive industry, OK? - What?! - Without the Prius we wouldn't have the LaFerrari, - the P1 - Oh, come on.
- .
or the Porsche 918.
It's time to show the Prius respect.
Who likes the Prius? - Thank you(!) OK, great - The silence is deafening.
The single greatest step in automotive technology? The disc brake? The seat belt? Enough of that.
And in honour of the world's greenest celebrity - Thanks! - FORMER greenest celebrity.
- Yeah.
we've filled the studio with a selection of sustainable stuff.
Take a look at this.
It's the Jaguar I-Pace.
Look at this.
It's an SUV, but it's Jaguar's answer to the Tesla Model X.
It wasn't so long ago that the Jag brand image was a little bit Prescott, shall we say, but this thing is more Silicon Valley.
Forget the Prius, David, this is the electric family car that you want.
Are you going to give me one? Is that my prize? There's one problem, though, Rory, isn't there? - It's not real.
- Of course it's real.
OK, it's not real YET, but it will be ready for production by the end of the year and it will probably cost about 60 grand.
Guaranteed hit.
Why are you so resistant to the idea of electric cars? Well, I'm not resistant.
"Because it's all about putting a nozzle in a hole "and filling it up!" Matt, I've got something amazing for you.
It comes from Mercedes, it's called the Maybach G650 Landaulet.
And here it is, check this thing out.
- Ooh.
- Nice, huh? - That is revolting.
It's not revolting, it's decadent! According to Mercedes Decadent? For Lego.
They say it demonstrates "That the definition of unique luxury can be taken to a new level.
" Yeah, they're not wrong, Rory(!) It's got a massive V12 engine, massive ground clearance, two thrones in the back.
It's an off-roader that's also a limo that's also a convertible - what box is that not ticking? The one that reads "The buyer is of sound mind".
It looks like a Suzuki Vitara slammed into Mr T's jewellery box.
You're saying that like it's a bad thing.
- Now, you've been around our track before back in the days - Yes.
- .
of the humble Lacetti.
- Yes.
But this time you're taking on - the fearsome, fire-breathing Toyota GT 86.
- Yeah.
You had some fun training with Chris Harris, what was he like? - I mean, to be fair I think driving lessons do bring out the worst in people.
It's a strangely stress-making time.
- Didn't you once play a driving instructor? - I did, yes.
I assume you researched the part.
What did you learn about your average driving instructor? I think it's quite a miserable life.
They do a very difficult job for relatively low remuneration.
- So they're miserable? - Yeah.
That's like our guy, here! - All right, let's see how you did.
- Yeah.
- Let's take a look.
As a Doctor Who fan, I'm looking for a bit more Tom Baker than Peter Davison here, OK? Don't diss the Davison.
First gear, please.
- OK.
- Go.
- Third gear, third gear! - Third gear! - Brake, brake! - Woohoo! - Left, we're going to make it! Waaa! Flat out, flat out, come on! It's flat out, what do you want? - Second gear.
- Second gear? Oh, now you tell me.
Put your hands on the wheel, what are you doing? - Through here.
I don't like this at all.
- It's nippy! That was nearly death.
Having fun yet? Over there No.
Over here.
Now, we've got to find our route between the grass and the white thing.
I'm just going to close my eyes.
Woo-hoo-hoo! OK, up to the right-hand side.
Good, good, good.
Brake at the hundred, brake at the hundred.
- Brake hard, brake hard! - Braking, braking.
- Braking, sir, braking.
- Brake, brake, brake - or we're off! Brake or we're off.
- Beautiful.
- SO nearly.
- Come on, that was wonderful, wasn't it? - Second gear, second gear.
- Oh, - BLEEP.
You nearly-killing-me horrible person, you.
Hoo-hoo! God, stop, stop.
Did you enjoy that? I had a great time.
- How was it? - Loved it.
I think you have got to start being nicer to the guests.
I'll try, as long as they don't scare me so much.
- You've got to chill out a bit, I had a great time.
- I'm sure you did.
- He didn't look scared.
- No.
- He looked fine.
Why were you so scared? Because it felt like he was trying to hurt me and the car.
OK, I would like to tell you about a new performance hybrid from Japan.
- The NSX? - No, way better than the Honda NSX.
It's this.
The Komatsu HB365LC-3.
Yeah, Matt, that's a digger.
No, no, no, that is not a digger, OK? That's a tracked excavator.
Diggers do this, yeah? Excavators do this.
And dozers do this.
Anyway, look, this thing is awesome.
36 tonnes, 340 horsepower, it's got a diesel electric hybrid for a power plant and it is just You really, genuinely care about this stuff, don't you? Of course I do, don't you? David, back me up, you look like a tracked excavator fan? - I'm not entirely sure - LAUGHTER .
what this is telling us about your fascinations, Matt.
I can be a little grabby.
Another treat for the world's greenest celebrity.
A new all-electric supercar.
Comes from Croatia, the Rimac.
It's in our studio.
It looks brilliant, and it's fast.
221 mph.
There's a motor in each of the wheels so it's four-wheel drive.
It will do 200 miles per charge AND beat a Bugatti Veyron in a drag race.
- How cool is that? - What is this big fascination with electric cars? Did you lick batteries as a kid? - Did you? - The little nine volt ones, yeah.
- Yeah, a little tingle.
- Get a little tingle.
- You're not supposed to do that.
- No? - No! - That explains a lot.
- It does! Have you noticed, Rory, every week there's a new electric super hyper car, and one that promises it will beat a Bugatti Veyron - in a straight line? - That's because they CAN beat Veyrons.
That's the whole point of electric cars.
- What did you say it was called again? - Rimac.
- Rimac? Sounds like something you use to remove hair.
From where? From yourrim.
I don't know.
I think it's time to move on at that point.
Fair enough.
Come on, Chris.
Your classic convertible supercar - theatrical, flamboyant, and according to our producers, pointless.
Great for the two days of the summer when it's warm and dry, utterly useless for the rest of the icy, wet, cold year.
We said, "Get with the times.
" Yes, roofless supercars were once like that, but the modern breed, you can really use them all year round.
So the producers said, "Prove it.
" Matt and I were each told to pick a four-wheel drive convertible supercar and to report bright and early Monday morning for a series of tests in Las Vegas.
All right, all right, I'm coming.
That's That wasn't me.
Ooh, breakfast, nice.
Oh, not breakfast.
Can Iorder breakfast? No? "Welcome to the Four Seasons Supercar Challenge.
"You will now drive from Las Vegas to the snowy Sierra Nevada mountains "encountering spring, summer, autumn and winter on your way.
"PS - you're late, get a move on.
" Ooh.
Yo, Harris, get up, we've got to go! Our four season cars were waiting downstairs, and my ace card? The Lamborghini Huracan Spyder - 5.
2 litre V10, 610 horsepower, all lurking under a body of pure Italian flamboyance.
I put my chips on the Porsche 911 Turbo S.
It might only have a 3.
8 litre flat-6, but trust me, in the real world, this is the fastest car you can buy.
Whoa, hang on.
This is the supercar challenge, did you not hear the rules? Bring a supercar.
0-60 in under three seconds, top speed over 200mph - what's not super about that? Yeah, but it's a 911.
It's got rear seats, it's a sports car.
Don't get me wrong, I love 911s, it's a super car but it's not a SUPERCAR.
Coming from the man that's chosen the lifestyle Lamborghini? What'd you mean? "Lifestyle", what does that mean? In other words, that's the car for the driver that doesn't like driving, it's all about image.
No, no, no, no, no.
Look at it.
They said don't bring a blue car and don't wear a blue shirt.
So let's go drive them.
What do you mean, "cheater"? It's a supercar.
It's not a supercar, Chris.
Well, this wasn't going to be settled in the car park.
Time to hit the road.
I chose this car because this is a proper supercar.
It's low, it's pointy, it's noisy, it's impractical.
But that's what you want in a supercar, you want that over-the-top styling, you want that larger-than-life superhero feel.
Inside that Lamborghini, Matthew will be giving a detailed, impassioned explanation as to why he's driving a supercar.
I don't need to bother with that.
I can just tell you the following.
This is faster to 60, it uses less fuel, it's bigger, more practical, it costs less money, it's all-round better.
AND, best of all, I don't look like a part-time pornographer when I drive it.
ENGINE ROARS Out of the city limits, we began our epic journey.
From the intense heat of California's vast desert plains to the brutal sub-zero snow and ice of the Sierra Nevada mountains.
Four seasons, 400 miles.
And for this challenge, the Lamborghini really is in a class of its own.
The Huracan is the last of the naturally aspirated supercars.
The McLaren 650S - turbo-charged.
Ferrari 488 - turbo-charged.
The 911 Turbo, umturbo-charged.
This is a dying breed.
And that's because, these days, Turbo is the way to go.
The 911 has a higher top speed than the Lambo.
And according to Porsche, it's 2.
8 second 0-60 is half a second quicker, too.
But the best bit Every time you actually do it - it's faster.
I've done it in 2.
6 in this car.
It's outrageous! Sounds so nice.
ENGINE GROWLS Supercars are about presence.
They're about that image.
That feeling, you know? They're about posters on a bedroom wall.
The 911 just doesn't give you that.
The Lamborghini Huracan Spyder, like walking into a room and shouting, "HELLO, I'M HERE!" We were told to report to a local race track for our first four seasons challenge, but before we got going, we went out for a few sighting laps, to really get to know our cars.
Huh, it would have been rude not to.
It cheats physics, this thing.
It shouldn't be able to do what it does.
Cos the engine is in the wrong place, so it should understeer horribly, but it doesn't.
It has got mega-traction.
The engine is an animal, it just pulls and pulls and pulls from no revs whatsoever.
It's just a fantastic motor vehicle.
Harris calls this "The lifestyle Lambo".
It's not a bad lifestyle, if you ask me! It does understeer a little bit.
But that's OK.
Let's you find the limit without crashing and this car is all about the drive train.
The double-clutch gearbox is super-fast.
The motor is just fantastic! It's a bit faster in a straight line than I expected, Matthew.
Soon though, we were told to pull over.
It was time for our challenge.
"Welcome to Spring Mountain Raceway.
" See what they did there? - I do, yes.
- Four seasons.
- Very clever! Clever! - "Spring is a season of unpredictable weather" - Yeah.
I can tell, - it looks like it's going to rain any minute.
- Mm.
When a fast-action roof is essential.
Time for a one-lap race.
"You must start with your roof down "and finish with your roof up.
"First to cross the line wins.
" OK.
Two supercars.
Well, one supercar.
One lap of the track.
First one past the chequered flag with their roof up - wins.
OK! Thrust mode possible.
I'm ready.
Are you ready? I'm ready! This car is violent off the line.
Going to get my roof down towards the end of the race.
I bet that's what he'll do.
OK, here we go! Three, two, one Go! - There he goes! - Oh! She comes out of the hole good! An impressive start, but I had a different plan.
Launch control Go! That's outrageous! I'm done.
I don't have to worry about this any more.
OKhe's got a different strategy.
He's putting his top up there.
The Lamborghini roof goes up in 17 seconds.
Annoyingly, Harris's Porsche does it in just 13.
I've got to get a little bit of an advantage here, because he's got a four-second-quicker roof mechanism.
But just as I was building my lead .
spring sprung! Oh, what is that? I can see him.
Roof down, peacocking around! Oh, there he is.
- Come on, Lambo! - They've wet the track! That's so slippery! There he is! He's still got to put his roof up.
HE LAUGHS And to do that, Matt had to slow down to a steady 31.
Come on, baby! Where is it? Where is it? Not so super now! Hello, sweetheart! - Yes! - He got me! So, what do we think, then? Does you being beaten make me a supercar? Or am I not a supercar? Well, this is a test of practicality.
So your sports car has a very practical four-seconds-quicker roof mechanism.
A supercar, which this is, and that is not, is not supposed to be practical at all.
Which this isn't.
At all! This was going to be a long trip! And as we moved on to the next challenge Fantastic out here.
This is America, baby! - Cowboy country! - It is absolutely stunning! Even the incredible scenery was bringing out our competitive streak.
- Big.
- Big and vertiginous! - Now, there's a word! - Yes.
You are quite the sesquipedalian! One hour later, we arrived at our next challenge location and the signs didn't look good! Death Valley is one of the hottest places on Earth.
And before we went any further, Harris insisted on taking supplies.
I'm taking no chances with this Death Valley thing.
I've got water, snacks, a shovel - and spare radio batteries, should they run out.
- Ah-ha.
For me, to survive this potentially deadly crossing, I'm teaming a cinnamon latte with a poppy seed blueberry muffin.
HE SNIFFS Oh, smells so nice! It's just embarrassing! Are you sure you don't want a muffin? I don't need a muffin.
I need water and practicality.
What are you going to do with that shovel? Hey! Thank you! Happy trails.
- I'll take that.
- That's a cowboy! "Welcome to summer.
The holiday season.
"Time to take a vacation from your car.
"You will now switch vehicles.
" - Did you organise this? - No.
- "Then drive across Death Valley.
" - This is a stitch-up, isn't it? - OK, yeah.
- I'll take the muffin.
- I'll keep the muffin.
Thanks for stocking my car up with goodies! - Hey, Chris - Yes.
These chips that you bought, they are delicious! Thank you.
Leave those alone! Tasty snacks aside, though, life in Harris's Porsche was definitely not as special.
Quite a bit different than the Lambo.
It feels, really, a lot taller.
It feels definitely more practical.
What's it like being in the peacock? The engine is a masterpiece.
8,500 RPM with a lovely step at about 4.
Buffeting, not very good.
I'm a very, very short man, as my co-host is very keen to point out, and I'm pretty much in the airflow here.
If you were the size of a normal human being, this wouldn't work! Now, come on! Tell me the truth - You like that car! - I mean, the sense of theatre, if you wanted to feel that you'd bought something special with your money, I have to say, it's more special than the Porsche.
But it's just lacking ANY kind of sense.
But that's the whole point.
It's not supposed to make sense! It's a supercar.
Here we go again! Summer was getting us nowhere.
So, for the rest of the challenge, we agreed to just enjoy the cars and the view.
Look at this! This is special.
That is some epic scenery right there.
And reaching the foot of the Sierra Nevada, it was time to deliver our verdicts.
So, what do you think? Huh? - Well, I think - This is your last bottle of water, by the way.
What? Look, if you are a dental hygienist from Florida, or you keep a Chihuahua, - or you take selfies, I think it is a great car.
Great, Matt.
- OK.
What about my car? Come on, tell me about my car? Well, that is a nice car.
I mean, if you are in the market for a supercar that is the most bland supercar you can find - that is it.
I'm telling you, that is a bland supercar.
That's a meaningful 50-year marriage.
That's a one-night stand! We called summer a no-score draw.
And after a long day, the producers had kindly laid on accommodation in a quaint local village.
Wow, look at this place! Ever had the feeling you were being watched? To help us blend in .
I had a plan! OK, follow my lead! Oh, yeah, that should do it, erecting the roof will cover all bases in this situation.
Just put your roof up! I just erected four seconds faster than you! 'Stop saying erect!' This is the last place you want to get caught with an erection! OK, now, what you need to know about that film - is that when I got my Lambo back from Harris, it was disgusting! OK! Crumbs on the seats.
Chocolate on the wheel.
I am pretty sure you got hummus on the rev needle.
I don't even know how you did that.
OK, - you, my friend, are a pig! - I'd rather be fast than clean.
You know, you can be both, right? I think it says something about the - kind of person you are.
- Work with me, are you a car slob, like me? Personally, I am not.
But I have four kids.
So, my car has a thin layer of raisins and snot at all times.
It's sort of impossible tomanage with anything else.
But you, yourself, are quite clean within the car? I would like to be, but I have given up until my children reach, you know, 46, I'm just going to accept that that is how we're going to live.
I can be dirty, as well, in the car.
But unlike you, I keep the outside of the car pristine.
You have a different attitude towards that, I gather.
Well, I just You know Especially driving around in London, the odd scrape, the odd scratch - anything that doesn't disable the vehicle .
I don't think is worth worrying about.
What constitutes a scrape or a scrunch? Well, there's certainly a panel, that if you drive too fast, flaps out the black.
But you can kick it back in and it does for about a week each time.
Are you the kind of person, that when you parallel park you kind of nudge the car in front a little? I don't nudge I am very beady about other people's cars.
But if you are in a multistorey and you rub against a wall to sneak into that little tight space, - what's the harm? - There's a voice inside him now - Just a bit of paint - .
that's crying and screaming about this, he simply can't - I can't take it.
- The thought of damaging something! All right, moving on, now you are back on our screens for a new series of Broadchurch.
The final.
This is it.
I think we should do three and then leave them wanting more.
It's a small town, if there was revolving door of horrendous crimes happening, it would start to get a bit preposterous, so The writers, I hear they are super, super secretive about the storylines.
Is that true? Yeah.
It's always beenthe way.
Anything that is a thriller that has elements of plot that you want to hold back, I think everyone gets it, particularly in this modern era, the idea that someone could misplace an e-mail, or that the Kremlin could hack into your account.
You know It means being on the show gets really tiresome.
Because everything gets sent out with a password.
One script has one password, another has a different password.
And then the script amendments, that come through the night before and they are not passwords you choose.
They give you a password and that is in a different e-mail, that has a different password that you have to remember from last weekwhen they sent out I just can't keep up.
- It is just impossible.
- If you don't know your lines, you can - just say, "I didn't get the e-mail" - Exactly.
- Beautiful! I end up being a terrible grumpy old man about it - and phoning up - "Just send me some paper.
"I can't deal with this!" All right, are we ready? Because the time has come - Is this it? - .
to see how you did around the track, on your own, in the GT86 I'm very optimistic.
I fear crashing disappointment.
- Before we do, there is something we need to discuss, I think.
- Yeah.
- After I left you at the end of our coaching session - Yeah.
you agreed you'd then go off and do your timed laps.
But between those two events, I gather you went for a little bit of extra training on your own.
- A bit of a sneaky extra training lap? - Well! What happened? I I just I kind of think you've got to go for it.
You've got to learn what the car can take.
You've got to push your boundaries.
And sometimes you slightly overstep your boundaries.
Can we see the image, please? Oh, no! Anything that doesn't disable the vehicle .
doesn't count as an accident! We've only had that car two weeks.
And now it's got character! What did you hit? There is NOTHING out there! It was one of those sort of foam signs - that tell you when to turn left.
- LAUGHTER Oh, now I can talk to you about foam that damages cars.
- It really can.
I can sympathise there.
- Yeah, you see? You see? - I can sympathise.
- Yeah, yeah.
- OK, but you did manage to record a timed lap, yeah? - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah, that was in training.
- OK.
- Well, let's take a look at that then.
- Let's have a look.
- Here we go, off the line.
- Oh, poor.
- Average at best.
- Ugh! Look at the massive dent! Come on! Come on! Oh, that was nasty.
Oh, you look very serious.
We're flying, we're flying.
A really good view of the damage caused to the panel again.
Lovely, isn't it? Looking good.
The line's not too bad.
We're on FIRE! OK, braking hard into Chicago.
Braked a bit early, I think.
What's it like through here? Bit of understeer, and then a massive clog of throttle - which triggered the ESP and slowed you down.
- Oh, shut up! And the trick is to use the whole circuit, not half the circuit, OK? Over to the right-hand side.
Here are your braking boards.
- Oh, look, there's one you didn't hit! - Yeah.
Now we go left, right round Hammerhead.
Let's see your line through Hammerhead.
Not Ooh, again, triggered the ESP.
Oh, yes! Here we go.
COME ON! GO FASTER! Nice! Nice! And now flat-out through the Follow Through.
If you hadn't had ESP there, you would have died.
Well, I did - it's fine.
Braking hard, braking hard into second to last.
Very good line through there.
Ooh, we did it, we did it, we did it.
Second gear, come on.
Through Gambon .
and over the line.
All right.
That was pretty good.
How do you feel? What do you think? Yeah.
You know.
- I think you did all right.
- Thank you.
- I do.
I was feeling quietly confident - until I heard your barrage of criticism.
- Well, no I was just - You set yourself high standards, I want to help you to get there.
- OK.
And I'm just glad that you didn't apply any more damage to our car.
- One little dent.
- What do you think? How do you think he did? I think that was quite quick.
I think it was daring in places.
He scrubbed off some speed.
But I'm-I'm confident.
- I think he's done me proud.
- OK! Well, the best time on our board is still Max Whitlock, the Olympic gold medallist, with 1:39.
You ever see his flic-flacs? LAUGHTER - So graceful, the extension that guy Anyway.
- You haven't seen - You haven't seen my flic-flacs.
- I have your time right here.
- Yeah? - David Tennant, you did it - Yeah? - .
in one minute Forty four, flat.
- Yes! - Come on! Huh? Well done.
Really well done.
Second place, I'll take that.
I'll take that.
- Second quickest.
- Yeah, that's OK.
So I think that's congratulations to both of you.
You had a little help from him.
I couldn't have done it without my teacher.
I think you'd have been first without Chris.
- No, I'm kidding.
- I-I Yeah, I'll take second place.
That's all right.
- That's good, that's good.
- I think that's really good.
- Ladies and gentlemen, David Tennant! - Thank you! Nice to see you again.
Thanks for coming.
- Thank you for everything.
- Thank you.
Now, earlier on, Matt and I had finished the first day of our big convertible supercar trip in the charming town of Darwin.
And because what happens in Darwin stays in Darwin - really, that's their motto - we pick up the story the following morning.
'We got up early, as it was time to leave California's desert plains' Ooh, I think we might be about to enter into a bit of twisty, windy road, Mr Harris.
and start our climb into the Sierra Nevada Mountains.
' There is no guard rail.
Look at that, that's a sheer face right there.
You go off there, that's bad.
'We wondered what our next challenge might be.
' Ooh, Smokey the Bear up ahead.
Smokey the Bear up ahead.
'And with no idea what Matt was on about, 'we came across a policeman waiting with the answer.
' Hello, officer.
Well, thank you.
"Welcome to fall, a season of tricky road conditions.
"You and your cars will now FALL down this slippery mountain road "under the power of gravity alone - "no touching the accelerator.
"Quickest to the bottom wins.
" That sounds like a completely relevant real-world test.
This will be fun.
I do this with my buddies on the motorcycles.
Neutral all the way down the mountain.
But I've got to say, it doesn't feel like fall.
Ah, there we go.
It does now.
Very funny(!) Anyway, it's not fall, it's autumn.
No, it's fall.
English car show - autumn.
We're in America, so it's fall.
We invented the language.
It's autumn.
It's fall.
We're not going to "autumn" down the hill.
That's just a bad pun.
Look, whoever wins the challenge gets to name the season.
Deal? Deal.
That's fair enough.
Yeah, deal.
'We would now take turns freewheeling our cars 'to the bottom of the mountain, 1,000 feet below.
'With the quickest down the winner 'it was time to let the blue bull run free.
' Three, two, one! OK.
Here we go.
Come on.
7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 OK, stay off the brake.
Stay off the brake.
Piece of cake.
Let it run, let it run.
'But as this 1½-ton, 200 grand rock gathered momentum' Oh, this is weird.
Such a weird feeling.
this was becoming a test of not only skill Oh, this is a tight one, here's a tight one.
but bravery.
' Oh, I got to brake, I got to brake.
BRAKES SCREECH Ah, scrubbed too much speed right there! Come one, don't be a chicken.
Stay off the brake.
'Although the further I went' Come on.
the easier it became.
' Be brave, the brave.
All right, here comes the hairpin.
Set up way out here.
Do not go off the cliff.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
'And with the little blue bull really starting to run' Whoo! '.
nearing the bottom, we were flying.
' 76, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86! Across the line.
'Felt fast, 'but Harris's Porsche was heavier and potentially quicker.
' Three, two, one.
Come on! 'OK, it's fair to say' Eight, nine, ten.
this isn't the sort of challenge I'm used to.
' Oh, this is bloody awful.
Now, if you're speeding with the car in neutral, is it still speeding on the road? Can you get a ticket for that? - Yeah, it's still speeding.
- Just curious.
'And I admit, I did find the whole "lack of engine" thing a bit 'tricky.
' Oh, I shouldn't have braked! Oh, I've really wiped a load speed off there.
Come on, here we go.
Here we go.
Oh, I don't know what's round the corner.
I keep wanting to brake! Oh! Now I'm nervous! 74, 75 Yeah-heh-heh-heh-heh! Could I have gone quicker? Yes.
Would I want to? No.
- OK, so you did it - Yeah? .
in two minutes and 46 seconds.
- Sounds reasonable.
- That's pretty good.
- And I did it - Yeah? .
in two minutes and three seconds.
- That's a typo.
- I don't - How can you be 43 seconds quicker?! - That is, er - You're a third quicker, basically, than me.
- Yeah, I One third?! - Yeah, I - Sorry, I'm just looking - Is there a parachute behind my? - I don't know.
Let me see that.
Cos the way this is written, it sounds like I just kicked your ass here.
'Stupid challenge anyway.
' 'Now, as the winner of FALL' 43 seconds?! '.
I had made it one apiece, with just one challenge remaining.
'And as we climbed higher into the mountains' Everything's getting whiter.
And this is slightly concerning.
winter was definitely coming.
'And, arriving at Mammoth Mountain, our Four Seasons decider 'looked like it would be the toughest challenge of them all.
' Wow! So this is winter.
Er When does heavy snowfall become a blizzard? I don't know, but this feels pretty blizzardy.
Ooh! - Oh, look.
There's something in there.
What is that? - Hm.
"Time for your final challenge - winter, a season of ice and snow.
"You claimed your supercars could handle any weather.
"You will now prove it by racing across Mammoth Mountain.
" We have to race across Mammoth Mountain?! That's a big mountain! Now, look here.
After the last challenge, I fully intend to win this one.
- OK.
- OK? - Well, good luck to you.
Mammoth Mountain sits at the heart of the Sierra Nevada range.
To cross it, our challenge would start over 9,000 feet up, at the top of an icy ski slope.
Plunging to the bottom, a two-mile drive through deep-drift snow would bring us to the final stage - a climb through dense forest, and a race to the finish on the other side of the mountain.
It's 1-1.
This is the decider.
Winner takes all.
All-wheel drive, 600 horsepower, ã200,000 car.
What could possibly go wrong? Three! Two! One! - Go! - ENGINES ROAR Yes, baby! Oh, he got the jump on me.
- I can't see - BLEEP.
I'm doing about 80 in a snowdrift! So I've got to get to the other side of the mountain, where apparently it's not snowy.
You know, when manufacturers talk about 0-60 times, they assume you're going to be on a road.
But if you're on, say Oh, I don't know, a ski slope, those times may vary slightly.
Consumer advice right there.
'Harris's all-weather Porsche had started well.
'But then' Whoa! Oh, I'm stuck.
There's the pass.
There's the pass.
That is immature.
Is this a blue run? It is now.
'To stay in the race, Harris had been forced to call in some backup.
' 'And, on the other side of the mountain, the weather had cleared '.
and I was ploughing ahead.
' Yeah, Lambo! Come on, baby! Come on! 'But I was now out of the deep stuff and gaining fast.
' 'Going into the second stage, it was uphill all the way.
' Flat pinned in third gear, going up a ski slope! 'And the low-riding Lambo started to struggle.
' Oh, I'm stuck, I'm stuck.
Supercar coming through! Yeah-heh-heh-heh! Oh! It was going so good.
'Pushing to open up a lead' Whoa! '.
keeping the hammer down was becoming more and more treacherous.
' This is a rally stage! Whoa! 'Now, since Chris had already bent the rules, 'it seemed only fair to break out my secret weapon.
' All right, back in the game.
At least I have a fighting chance.
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! 'And, with the snow chains on, I soon had the Porsche in my sights.
' Woohoo! You ain't getting away now, Harris.
I got your number! There he is! Come on, Porsche! 'At the final stage, we were neck-and-neck.
'But with no way past' Here we go, here we go.
to stand any chance of winning, 'I decided to take a different line through the forest 'in a sprint to the finish.
' Harris wants this one bad.
That 43 seconds? That's driving him crazy, I can tell.
Where is he?! Come on, Porsche! 'Two truly incredible supercars.
'But only one winner.
' Yes, yes, yes, yes! Yeah! I've won! Oh! There's Harris! Oh, you got me.
You got me.
- How fun was that?! - Amazing! - Huh? We just all the way up a mountain in two supercars! Two sup Well, in one supercar and one SUPER car.
I mean, super competent.
- It's a supercar! - It's a great car.
- Come on.
We can go round and round on this, I'm not going to stop.
Cos you know it's not.
It is a SUPER car, but it's not a supercar.
Now, was that great? How great was that? That was mega.
So jealous.
So jealous.
You drove up a ski slope.
It's ridiculous that these cars managed to do that.
I knew they were good, I didn't know they were that good.
Yeah, neither did I.
That was so much fun.
That might be the most fun I have ever had in a car.
And you know how Lamborghini's - building that new four-wheel-drive thing? - Yeah, the Urus.
Yeah, well, they don't need to build an off-roader, cos they have a great one right here.
All right, Chris, we know if you had to pick one, you'd take the Porsche, right? - It's motoring perfection.
- OK.
Matt, hand on heart time, between the three of us - if you had to go for the Porsche or the Huracan, what's it going to be? Oh, well, the Huracan, it's so theatrical and it has a spectacular motor.
It is just the Porsche for me too, I think.
LAUGHTER Yeah, I would say.
It does everything.
And you can It has back seats, I can put the kids in it.
You can do whatever you want with it.
- It IS an all-season supercar.
- Yes! - OK? Supercar.
- Yes! - Happy? - Yes.
All right, on next week's show, the Aston Martin DB11.
And motorsport, Caribbean style.
No, no, no, that's Caribbean-STYLEY.
- See - you then.
Good night! - Good night!