Trailer Park Boys s01e02 Episode Script

- Shut up! You better shut up or I'll come out there after ya I swear to God, I'll kill everyone of ya! - Ricky, would you shut up ! Go to sleep.
Well, I've been out of jai I for a week now and it's time for me to make some importan t decisions in my life.
I'm gonna go to community college.
I'm either gonna become an electrician, a meat cutter, or I'm gonna get into television and radio broadcasting.
- Stop fucking barking! - Ricky what are you shooting at? - Shut the fuck up! Squirrels and dogs and assholes! - Shut up.
- Ricky, hold your fire.
What are you doing? - Shh, shh.
Listen, listen Asshole.
- Ricky, what are you doing? - I'm trying to get some sleep here, man.
- Do you want to go back to jail? - I can't handle livin' - - Do you want to go back to jail? - Listen to this stuff.
- Get in the car.
Get in the car.
Jesus.
Get in there.
- I wish everyone would shut the fuck up out there - Ricky, what are you doing? - Assholes! - Ricky, listen, give me that gun.
- You don't know what it's lik e livin' in a car, Julian.
I got insects and animals fucking me around in here.
- That's what you've got t o deal with when you're in a car - I can't sleep.
- Go to sleep.
You know what You're moving out of here tomorrow.
- Why? - 'Cause you're driving me nuts.
You're shooting guns off in the middle of the night .
- It's not a big deal.
- Think, Ricky, think.
- I can't sleep, is the problem.
- Go to sleep.
- Can I have the gun back in case anything happens? - No more of this shit.
- I won't fire it unless I absolutely have to.
- You're not going to fire it at all.
Go to sleep idiot.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut Up! - Ricky, put that thing away - I want my kitty.
- Frig off, Bubbles.
You gave me the cat.
- I didn't say you could keep him.
And I don't want him livin g in a fucking car.
- Bubbles, you've got tons of cats.
Let me keep him.
- He was a loaner.
I loaned him to ya.
- Well, I need him.
Look at my weed plants.
One of them's dead.
- I don't give a flying fuck I didn't never never said you could keep him.
- What the hell are you doin g waking me up so early? - No cat of mine is going to live in a car.
Julian - Both of you guys shut up - Ricky won't give me my kitty .
- Ricky, give him his cat.
- It's my cat now.
He gave it to me.
- I don't care.
Give it back - Look, see that.
You know why that plant's dead Because a squirrel peed in it.
That's why I need the cat.
It protects my weed plants I've got four plants left, guys.
It's all I've got left in my life.
Please, let me have one ca t to protect my plants.
- Here's what I know, Ricky.
If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back to ya, you own it.
If it doesn't, you don't own it.
And if it doesn't, you're an asshole.
Just like you.
Fuck you.
- Give me the cat.
- Bubbles, take your cat.
Get out of here.
Ricky, you stay in the car - Let me out of this car right now.
- Ricky! - Coming through! Let me out of here.
I want that cat back! I need him! - Bubbles, get out of here Calm down, Ricky.
- I just got woken up in the middle of a great dream and I'm pissed off.
Next message.
- Julian, Mr.
Lahey here.
Wanted to talk to you abou t a couple a things.
Some gun shots, reprobate living in the car in front of your trailer and oil leaking from said car.
I'll come by and see you rea I soon, Julian.
All the best Next message.
- Julian, I need to talk to yo u and Trinity needs to see you Why don't you return my calls? Can't you at least do that, hey? I'm coming over there.
We need to talk and today's subjec t is responsibility - I want to see Julian.
- Call me back.
End of message.
- Oh, I knew Julian way before I knew Ricky.
, I met Julian when I was, like, 16 or 17 or whatever but that was a long time ago But you know, he's someone I can depend on.
Like, I can turn to for help .
Who else would I ask, Ricky? No way, man.
He lives in a car .
Fuck.
Whatever.
He's not even growing dope anymore.
Why would I be interested in having him helping me for anything.
- Yeah, me and Lucy broke up again and it sucks.
And I'm not real happy about it, but it's one of those things, I guess.
Hopefully she'll come around .
Bubbles, get off my property - Go fuck yourself, Ricky.
- And hopefully she'll take me back.
r Until then, I'm perfectly happ y living right here in this ca f and hopefully she'll come around soon.
Bubbles frig of and get off my property! - You fucking want one? - I was at a party a long time ago at Ricky's house and um, I think Lucy was about 18 or something.
- I met Julian at a party when I was like 17 or whatever And I mean it was a long time ago and you know, nothing really happened.
s - Anyway, we got really drun k and ate a shitload of mushroom and I experienced memory los s and woke up and she was naked in bed with me.
I don't think anything happened.
But I don't know, I just got out of there.
Oh, fuck.
What? - What's up, dude? - What do you want? - You got any dope, man? - You guys ever consider going back to school? - And now it's not cool for us to come around and buy dope, because of the camera crew .
- Yeah, man.
Julian acts all crazy now with cameras in his face and everything and he's, like, "Not to diss you guys or anything" but he gets all stressed out and it's like he can't handle it You know what I mean? He yells at us and everything.
- Bubbles, just a second.
Please.
Lucy, what are you doing here? - I'm leaving Trinity with Julian.
I need a little vacation.
- What about her father? I can take care of my own daughter - Great! Trinity, why don't you get your stuff and go stay in the car with Daddy.
Perfect.
- What, the back seat of a car's not good enough for you now? - He's living in a fucking car.
It's not a place where you have a child and so ya, of course I'd take her to stay with Julian I mean, Julian at least has a place to live and his own place.
And his cat s live outside, know what I mean - You do stuff bad.
- I'm sorry.
Bubbles attacked me.
- You knew, Ricky.
- Julian, it's Jim Lahey.
Open the door up, we got a little matter to discuss about last night.
Julian open the door.
- Hey! Everybody shut up! You think I need this? Huh I'm leavin'! I'm outta here! I'm outta this trailer park! Get off my lawn! - Randy, I could use some reinforcement here.
Clear out of here, Bubbles - Go fuck yourself.
- You know, ever since you guy s have been around with your TV cameras, Julian has changed.
You know? He's getting all frustrated, and he's taking his problems out on me and other people in the park.
It's crazy.
He lives in there in a palace and he's all stressed out.
I live out here in a car and I've got everything I need and I'm happy.
I mean, this is my home.
So I don't know what his problem is - Ungrateful.
Ricky is ungrateful.
He's been driving me nuts, living in that car, and I just can't wait to get the hell out of this park and finally do something productive with my life.
- Hey, Julian.
How's it going, buddy? - I'm not doin' too good, Ricky.
I got some bad news to tell ya - What? - I'm moving.
Consider this your one-week' s written notice.
- What do you mean, you're moving? You're leaving the park? - I'm movin'.
I'm serious, Ricky.
- No.
No, take it easy, man.
You're just having a bad day - Ricky, I'm serious.
I want you out of my car and off my lawn.
You've got one week.
- If Julian thinks he's leavin g this park without Ricky, he's got another thing coming.
- You know, I can't get away from everybody.
It's like, "Julian, I need this; Julian, I need that.
Julian, can I live in your car Julian, I need some vodka.
"I'm sick of it.
- How's it going, buddy? Hey, guys.
You want a couple drinks? - Actually, Ricky, I don't feel like talking to anybody right now, alright? - Come on, man, let's get wasted.
- What do you want? - You still planning on leaving the park? - Yup.
- You guys want a drink? I'm just pouring some drinks here, if you want one.
- A couple things I think yo should know about before you do.
- What's that, Lahey? - Well, first, you got a 24-month lease signe d up with Sunnyvale Trailer Park Number two, you've got a derelict piece of shit out front e that's leaking oil all over th e grass and it's going to requir , an environmental soil test which you're liable for.
Number three, you owe me $1,600 for outstanding site fees for when you were in jail.
Number four, you try to leave - Number one- Listen.
Number one, you can fuck off .
Number two, you can fuck off - Watch your language, Ricky .
- Thank you very much, Rick.
You got you're just a one-note pony, arent' ya s Why don't you mind your business, or I'll tell the cop , you're breaching probation .
Every time you turn around you put your fucking foot in your mouth.
You guys, we had a couple 18 months of peace here in this trailer park.
You're back here for a day and what have we got? Bullshit - Who's fault is that? - It's your fault! You're not leaving here without that guy.
I'd love to see you leave this park, but you're not leaving her e without that guy.
- What are you doin'? - I'm getting a soil sampl e to test for oil contamination.
- Get the fuck off my property .
Off my property.
- Hey, Ricky, do you want me to ask my friends down at the police station if it's OK for you to be drunk in a public place and carrying a loaded handgu n while you're on probation? - Why don't you start doing your job ing false - Why don't you start incriminations all the time? - Why don't you get a life , Rick? Why don't you go to communit y college like Julian here? Hey, I got a good idea.
You could teach living in a ca r and growing dope 101.
- And you could teach how to get drunk, get fire d from the police force, become a lousy trailer-par k supervisor that sucks, hangs around with a fucking idiot that doesn't wear his shirt and looks like a dick, but thinks he looks good 101 - Get the car off the property or I'm going to order a really expensive soil - Contamination test, you got that? - Lahey, get off my lawn.
- You guys got nothing bette r to do? You fucking idiots.
Look, I know you're stressed out, but don't worry about it, 'cause here's what's gonna happen.
We're gonna get drunk and eat chicken fingers, me, you and the old man.
He's gonna be here in about 20 minutes.
- Ricky, life isn't about getting drunk and eating chicken fingers all the time, alright? Lahey's right.
- Lahey's right? - Why don't you try doing something with your life for once, instead of living in this ca r like a drunken idiot, eating chicken fingers, getting drunk.
- You think you're so smar t 'cause of your dumb book learnin', Julian.
Well, you're not that smart.
I know what's going on.
You're just showing off on friggin' TV again.
Hey, look at me, I'm Julia n the big smart guy.
- I'm warning you, Ricky.
No blues music, no Ray on my friggin' lawn drunk and no chicken fingers.
Don't test me.
- Shit.
What are you doin', Julian? The chicken fingers aren't even cooked.
Want us to get sarsaparill a or something, you dick? Julian, I'm trying to cook some e lunch here for me and my dad - Get out of my way.
- Hey, what are you doing with the tunes, Julian? - Get off my property, Ray .
- What? Wait.
No, hey, wait.
- Take it easy, man.
Nah.
No, forget it, Ricky.
If he doesn't want me here, I'm going, man.
I'm not wanted here.
- It's my property.
- Nah, forget it.
Come on down to my house.
I've got lots of chicken fingers down there.
- This is my car, this is my property and this is my toaster.
I want you out of here.
- I can't believe you just did that.
Those are the good kind.
Eight bucks - I'm not joking, Ricky.
- Ya, well you forgot about something.
You gave me one week's notice, so this is my property for the next week - not yours - I don't care, Ricky.
Off my property.
This is my property.
- You're being a dick.
You can go to college and get your little PFD or whatever the fuck it's called.
I don't care.
But you know what? You're no better than me.
Even though you think you are.
- Don't lecture me, Ricky.
- Don't what? - You don't know what "lectured" means, do ya? - I know what "lecture" means.
Do you? - What does it mean, then? - It means that, uh - It means that what? - You get in a situation and.
.
.
- What situation? - You know I didn't get my grade ten, you asshole.
It's a low blow, Julian.
You know what? Fuck you and fuck your car and fuck your lawn.
I'm going to my dad's to get drunk.
You just lost a friend.
I hope you're happy.
- Ricky has relied on Julian to help him figure out lots of different kinds of things for a long time.
- Yeah, like since junior high and shit.
And remember, Ricky dropped ou t of junior high 'cause Julian stopped helping him.
- Ricky, when he's stressed, d he uses alcohol.
He gets totally intoxicate and we'll find him laying down in the middle of the street here.
You know, driving along, there he is.
We're always getting complaints about Ricky.
And it happens at least once a week.
And you can't b e doing that - not in this park - Ricky, wake up.
Come on, man, it's me.
Rick.
Rick.
- What the fuck are you doing here, man? Get that fucking camera off me, you dick.
- Listen, Rick.
We've been friends our whole lives, man This is ridiculous.
Do you understand what I'm sayin'? - No, Julian.
That's the problem.
You know understanding things is one of the thing s I have trouble with.
It's why I'm gonna miss yo u so much when you move, buddy You're the one that helps me understand things.
You make things clear in my head so everything comes together and it just makes sense to me.
I'm stupid, you know that.
- You know, Ricky really does think he's stupid, though That's why he relies on Julian so much.
When we used to go out, he'd always talk about how stupid he was.
And how he couldn't do anything about that 'cause he was too stupid to do anything about it.
- Poor guy, man.
- You're not stupid, Ricky - It's o.
k.
, Julian.
I know I'm stupid.
I don't know anything.
- It's not even like Julia is that much smarter than Ricky.
- It's kinda like What is it? They're co - Dependant or whatever? - Totally co-dependant.
- Co-dependant.
Totally.
- You know lots about car part s and stuff, Ricky.
That's why I'm here.
I need your help, buddy.
I've got to get that car off the front yard.
I need to steal some parts and I don't know what parts fit what.
You do.
That's what makes you smart, man.
- I don't know, man.
It's gonna take a lot of parts to get that fucking car off the lawn.
- What are you talking about ? It's perfect.
- You got it? - Yup.
This is gonna work out fine.
- Just stay calm, Julian.
I'll take care of it.
Don't say anything.
How's it going, guys? Filming a little documentary for the Life Network.
It's kind of like Cops, but from the criminal's point of view.
- Hold it.
Put that down.
- Guys this is a - - Put that down.
- $700 exhaust system.
- Put it down.
- Easy there, Magnum P.
I.
- Now.
- You get against the vehicl e right now.
What's your name? - My name's Cory.
- Sir, your name? - That's Trevor.
- No.
He can tell me that.
Turn around, Trevor.
Let me se e what's in your hands.
Slowly - We got a call about some fellas out here stealing car parts.
- Ya, we're the ones that called you guys.
- Got open liquor here.
- No, no, no.
- Call it in, Frank.
- Chachi, look, you don't have to call us in - It's officer Pool, not Chachi - Sir, - We're just - - Stay back against the tailgate, Sir.
, - He's got this God-given wa y of sort of throwing the cops like, a smoke bomb so they can never sort of figure out what's going on.
It's like they're stupid with it.
- Like they just get sidetracked on something totally different.
They come in, try and arrest 'em.
e Next thing they know, their headed somewhere els doing something completely different.
- Guys, we're on live TV here.
I just want you to remember that.
This is part of your monthly evaluation.
I didn't want to tell you, we're not supposed to tell you, but - Stay right there.
- That's why the camera's here, guys.
That's why the TV's here.
- Frank.
Frank, come on back here.
I think they got us again.
- He's almost like a superhero when it comes to dealing with cops, you know? He's got this whole thing he does.
He's so great.
He always gets away with shit.
- Almost.
- Well, almost always, I guess - Nice meeting you.
- Yeah.
Sorry, fellas.
- Nice meeting ya.
- Good job.
Good job, guys .
You try and have a good day.
- No problem.
We'll send a copy of the tape to your department head probably next week.
Thanks, guys.
- You have a good day.
- You too.
- Spray her.
- I'm sprayin'.
- Spray her now.
- I'm sprayin' the spray.
- Joey, shut her down.
You are the man, you are the man.
Thanks, man.
- There you go.
- How much do I owe ya? - It's free.
- What? - A going-away gift.
- Warmed-up, on the house.
Peace.
Aight.
Peace out.
Good luck, sucka.
- Ricky, here you go, buddy.
She's all yours.
- What are you talkin' about ? - She's all yours.
- You're giving me your car? Man, I love you.
- Easy, easy, Rick.
You'll spill my drink.
- I love you, man! Do you know what this is going to mean to Lucy? I got a car now.
- What are you doing here? - Just thought I'd stop by and show you guys my new ride.
- Is this yours? - Oh, yeah.
100%.
- Wow.
- Guess what else? - What? - I'm gonna have my dope operation up and running next week.
Same as it was before I went to jail.
- So you're gonna take us for a little ride? - Hop in.
- This is wicked! - Put your seatbelt on, Trinity.
No offense, guys, but I'd like to be alone with my family right now.
Fuck! Next message.
- Hey, Julian, it's Ricky.
Look, I just wanted to call and thank you for that car again.
Because of you, me and Luc y are back in love again, and that's fucking awesome t And the other thing I wanted to talk to you abou is this community-college bullshit.
e I'm just kinda hopin' that you're not gonna leav to go do your book learnin ' and stuff, 'cause we need ya here, buddy.
So listen, I'm plannin' on getting drunk tonight.
Really, really drunk and I'll probably buy some more chicken fingers.
So if you want to hook up, I'd love to get drunk with ya.
Give me a call.
Lucy said I could go out tonight.
- Julian.
Hey, buddy.
Can Mr.
Lahey and I just talk to ya, just for a couple of minutes? - What do you want to talk about? - We just want to talk, Julian - Julian, uh, a lot of thing s to consider here.
We got a couple of incidents going on down here, with gun shooting off in the trailer park.
A lot of people not gettin g a lot of sleep here.
We're willing to waive your trailer-site rental fees, $1,600, if you'll consider not leaving this park and leaving us alone here with Ricky.
- Ricky's back with Lucy, O.
K.
So, you wanna clean the slate, do ya? You wanna clean the slate? Well, maybe send him over to my place once a week to do a little maintenance work, clean up a bit of garbage around the yard.
How's that? - You'll stay? - I'll stay.
- Ya? - Ya, I'll stay.
- Keep your nose clean, eh - Right on.
I'm really glad you're staying , Julian.
- Come on, Randy.