Trailer Park Boys s02e04 Episode Script

- Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Psst, psst, psst, psst.
Here kitty, kitty.
This here's my shed, right here.
I've been living in these most of my life.
A lot cheaper than a fucking trailer.
Come on in.
Got everything I need here .
Keep all my stuff up there Do all my cooking.
Everything I need.
And this here's my pride and joy.
That's a 1961 Electrobubble.
Antique.
Works like a charm, too.
Every kitty I ever met loves these things.
What's wrong, Daisy? Usually they're swatting at them and Freaks them out, but Something's wrong with Daisy Daisy.
Come here, Daisy.
What's wrong? [crash.]
- Boys! Watch the carts! - Bubbles, this guy's no good.
He's lazy, he's sleeping around.
He's not protecting the plants .
- Well a dope trailer's no place for a kitty, that's why.
I raised these things to play with string and people, not fucking guard dope plants, squirrels.
He smells like dope! - Bubs, listen.
You know how important this is, alright We lost six good plants to squirrels last week.
- I got squirrels peeing in the plants, Bubbles.
They're digging them up.
I can't have that.
- All you guys think about is dope.
- Bubbles, listen.
I've got prison guards waiting to buy all of our weed off us.
We're gonna double, maybe even triple our money.
This is the big time, man.
- Just find me another cat, please, to protect the plants.
Shh, shhh, shhh.
Stay right here and don't say a word, guys - What are you doing, Rick - Fuckers! [voice.]
: Fuck off with the gun ! - Fucking squirrels.
- Basically, I need cats to protect my weed plants.
Otherwise, I'd have to be there 'Cause you got squirrels fucking around, breaking into the trailer, they fuck over your weed plants.
It's not a hard job for a cat to keep them away from your plants.
- These might be just cats to you, Ricky, but these are my fucking family.
, Show them a little respect.
You try growing up on your own living in a fucking shed all by yourself, with nobody to fucking talk to , be nice to.
e This is the only thing I hav that didn't judge me, call m e a big googly-eyed bastard.
With me and kitties, it's kind of like that book "Catcher in the Rye.
" Did you ever read that one I'm kind of like the guy that looks out for all the kitties in the park.
Otherwise, there'd be nobody to take care of them.
This cocksucker here, I found him in a storm drain Fucking name spray-painted on him and burdocks all fucking stuck to him.
But I cleaned him all up and look at him.
That's one fucking nice kitt y right there.
- In this type of employment , sometimes there can be a little stress, 'cause yo u don't know what's gonna happen And right now, we got a lo t riding on this dope.
Things are going really smoothly and I just don't want anything to get fucked up.
So I get a little stressed out when I'm growing product.
Fuck, man, we got a major situation here.
- Is it, what, the squirrels again? - No it's not squirrels, man This is much bigger than fucking squirrels.
Look at these little black specks.
- What are they? - Look at that fucking thing .
What the hell is that? Fuck, you know what's goin g on here? - What? - Dope-eating insects, man They're gonna fucking wipe out the whole crop.
Just like what happened to m e in Grade 7.
Remember that? - Ricky, this can't be happening, alright? Our first delivery's in three weeks.
[knock-knock!.]
- Suckers.
- Oh, fuck.
- Hey, hey, what's going on? - What the fuck do you idiots want? - Come on.
- What's that smell? - Smells like marijuana to me, boys.
- Probably 'cause you guys were smoking dope, playing video games all fucking night and it's all over your clothes.
If you did a bit of laundry, you wouldn't smell dope, would you? - Let's cut to the chase, Rick There will be no jeopardizatio n of the people in this park Do you understand that? - No.
- What do you think your probation officer would do if I called him and told him you were firing off guns, and growing dope in the park ? - Probably say "Knock, knock," you'd say "Who's there?" and he'd say "A fucking idiot" and tell you to fuck off.
That's what I'd do.
- Rick.
Jim.
We've had a little bit of a rhythm problem here lately.
, We may have used a little excessive force here and there but I'm gonna take care of it, alright? You don't gotta call the cops, Jim.
You've got my word on this, alright - Guys, this is a safety issue .
No gunfire in the park.
Not even weekends.
No exceptions.
- I'm cool with that.
- Written warning.
In triplicate.
- What the fuck is this shit - Consider this strike two - Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Here, kitty, kitty.
- Hey, Bubs.
What are you up to? - Looking for Snap-Jacks and Grumpy-face.
Have you seen them? - No, but I'll keep an eye out .
See ya later, Bubs.
- See ya.
Here, kitty, kitty.
This guy's pulse is a little slow, but Nose is dry.
His belly doesn't feel right Could be anything.
But something in this fucking park that's doing it.
I know that.
- Hey.
I'm gonna have to ask you to turn off the engine, exit the vehicle, please.
This is an official warning.
No more littering in Sunnyvale, Sam.
- Yeah, don't you care about this park? - Jerks litter, Sam.
Jerks .
- That's not littering.
That's organic material, which makes it composting.
I'm going to be taste-testin g a few hot dogs over the next couple of days, and you girls are just going t o have to learn to live with it.
- I see.
- Reality check.
I'm gonna be running this park, and when I am, I have one firs t and foremost priority.
- What's that? - To get rid of you two fairies.
Now flutter away.
I got a hot date and I gots to get ready.
- He can't get rid of us.
Can he, Mr.
Leahey? - Randy, Sam lives in a camper.
People who live in campers don't run anything.
- I know I'm not supposed to talk to Sam Lasco, that greasy bastard, but he used to be a veterinarian, so I'm thinking, maybe, if he's got any fucking nice bones in his body, he would tell me how to fix these kitties.
- Oh-oh.
It doesn't look good, Bubbles.
- What do you mean? - Looks like the onset of rabies.
This cat's days are numbered .
- What? - Oh, oh, oh.
Here, you better put that thing in quarantine, bud.
And get the fuck off my land, too.
- They're everywhere.
Like little "piranhagus.
" - It's "piranha," Rick.
- That's what I said, "piranhagus.
" - Well, are they on all the plants, or what - Fuck.
Except the six in the bathroom.
Those are cool.
- Alright.
We'll take the six good ones, we'll isolate them somewhere We'll put them in my trailer.
- We can't put them in your trailer.
It's probably contaminated too.
They get on your clothes and stuff.
This is a fucking nightmare.
[knock-knock!.]
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Trina.
- This isn't a very good time, Trina.
Okay? - Sorry.
I just wanted to wish Ricky good luck on his Grade 10.
- Thanks, Trina.
Trina's all gung-ho about me getting my Grade 10 and I don't wanna , let her down.
And to be honest , I wouldn't mind getting my Grade 10 anyway 'cause then I could talk to people better and maybe then I'll understand what people are saying all the time.
Right now, I don't.
But the other thing is it's a Catch-23 situation, 'cause I got something fucking around with my dope plants.
Not only that, but Julian's saying "You should be growing dope.
Don't worry about stupid Grade 10".
Easy for him to say; he's got his Grade 10.
- We've got less than a month.
You gotta get your priorities straight.
We're gonna sell the dope first, then you're gonna take your Grade 10.
Okay? You got it? Hey, Bubbles.
- Julian, does that Sam gu y know anything about cats? - We'll he's a vet.
Probably.
Why? - Because some of my cats are sick and he said they're not gonna make it.
- Sam's an idiot.
Don't listen to that goof.
- You're good at figuring things out.
Come help me.
- He can't right now.
He's figuring something else out.
We got a major situation here, Bubbles.
- Listen, we got weed plants dying in here, Bubbles.
I gott a figure out a way to save them.
When I'm finished with that, I'm gonna help you out, if I have time.
Do you understand me? - Yeah, I understand, Julian - Bubbles, don't be like that.
I'll talk to you in a bit, Bubbles.
- Come on, Rick.
- Bastards.
- Why don't you guys just go to the library and get some books on horticulture? - "Horviculture"? - Books on plants, Ricky.
- Oh, I get it.
Trina, that's a great idea Julian, books have stuff recorded down all over the years from people.
If we could find a book with someone who had similar problems, just take what they wrote down in the book and make it - Ah, fuck.
Sorry, Trina - take what the y wrote down and make it ours.
- Did you get your library card, Ricky? - Not a good time, Trina.
I've got my own library card now and that's pretty cool.
I've never had a library card before.
So, you know, I think it's great.
Julian just needs to chill out a bit.
Now we can go to the library and get a book on "horviculture".
So I just wish he'd chill out and let me get my fucking Grade 10.
'Cause I'm gonna get my fuckin g Grade 10.
Mark my words.
[brakes squealing.]
- Anybody who said growing dope's easy is fucked in the head.
I can't believe we gotta deal with this shit.
- Let's just hurry up, Ricky - Can I help you? - We're looking for some books on "horviculture".
- I think you mean horticulture.
- That's what I said.
- No, no.
You said "horviculture".
It's pronounced horticulture - Well, I'm really impressed with the way you know English, okay? You work in a school, I don't.
I'm fucking trying here.
I'm gonna get my Grade 10 an d get my brain working better.
I'm just sick of people correcting me on this shit - Okay, he's just coming bac to school, okay? I need a book - - What do you think you're doing? You put that out right now - You can't even smoke in here anymore? - Excuse me.
- For fuck's sakes.
Can't smoke in jail, can't smoke in schools - Don't listen to him.
He's a little confused, alright? I'm looking for a book on horticulture.
This is an emergency.
Could you please help me out ? Where can I find one? - They're on the top shelf .
By the 700s.
[music.]
, - Man, books make it so much easier to understand, like really hard thinking and stuff .
They make it a lot clearer Holy fuck, man.
Here it is ! Look at this! This guy had some sick plant and all he did was he fucking quar he quantan he "quantratined" them.
So, we just gotta "quantratine" the plants, man.
- Ricky, where's that? Where does it say that? - Right fucking over there .
- Quarantine.
Alright, we gotta quarantine the plants.
- That's what I said.
- Ricky, watch the road.
- I am watching it.
We're cool, man.
- Alright, here we go.
Alright.
We've gotta find another parasite that's gonna feed off these little parasites.
- What does that mean? A parasite? - There's a picture of it right there.
They're spider mites.
- Spider mites? Oh man, that's not good, Julian.
- Why? What do you mean? - Those cocksuckers, they'll kill everything, man.
I heard about those fucking things.
They're nasty.
- Just a second.
Chill out Okay, it says here to use ladybugs.
Ladybugs eat spider mites.
- Ladybugs? No way! - Watch the road, Ricky.
You're fucking scaring the shit out of me here.
That's it, man.
Ladybugs.
- Where the fuck are we gonna get some ladybugs? - I'll get some ladybugs, man.
Don't worry about it.
- We got to take these healthy plants and move them to another location.
And the only person we can trust is Bubbles.
So we just figured we'd move them into his shed and everything should've been fine.
, Bubbles, you know, he shouldn' t have really cared about it but the big fuck up was having Trevor and Cory involved again What else is new? 'Cause they fuck everything up - Cory.
- Oh, shit.
- Here, put that on the bed.
Let's go.
Smokes.
Don't fuck that up either.
What are you doing? - Wiring up the hydro lights, man.
- Yeah dude, it's just like doing a car stereo.
We do it all the time.
- What are you using masking tape for? - That's all we had, man.
- This is not supposed- Here, you gotta fucking take that off, put this one here like that.
- What are you doing? - I-I don't think that's right, Ricky.
- I know what I'm doing.
I've been boosting power for years.
- Is it all set or what? - It's ready to go now.
- Alright, Cory, Trevor - - I think there's one more wire.
- Hey, hey, hey.
I want you guys to collect as many ladybugs as you can, alright? Ricky, you're gonna help supervise.
- I'm not hanging out with these dicks.
- Just do it, alright? I gotta go talk to Bubbles so he doesn't freak out when he comes home and finds a garden in his shed Hurry up.
- Uh, probably not yet.
- Shut up.
Turn it on.
That's another reason I wann a get my Grade 10.
I'm sick of being bossed around and working with Cory and Trevor, the idiots.
, If I get my Grade 10, then I'll be kind of an equaller person to Julian up on his level or thinking kind of train, and then I won't be able to be bossed around so much.
So I'm getting my fucking Grade 10.
Then he can go collect fucking ladybugs instead of me.
- What's the deal with ladybugs anyways? Are they all girls, or are some of them boys? - They're all female, you idiots.
That's why they're called ladybugs.
Fuck you guys are dumb.
You gonna just sit here or help me? There's like 50 right here and you're sitting on your asses.
- Check out this ladybug, Ricky.
- That's a caterpillar.
- Will it work? - No, it won't work.
We need ladybugs.
e - Do you want it in the box? - No.
I want you to give m two smokes now, 'cause you're so fucking stupid.
- Well, Bubbles, all roads lead right there.
- My kitties never used to come up that far.
- I gotta talk to you for a second.
- Not right now, Julian.
Look, we tracked the cats right there.
They're over at Sam's going through that greasy bastard's garbage.
- Let's check it out, then - That's disgusting.
- That's what's been makin g your cats sick, Bubbles.
They been eating greasy hot dogs all day.
- Old hot does and kitties don't mix.
- I warned Losco about litter.
He doesn't realize what he's up against.
He's about to enter the shit tornado to Oz.
- Well that makes Sam Dorothy.
Right, Mr.
Leahey? - Right, Randy.
- Anyway, let's get those kitties.
- Mr.
Leahey, look! - That smoke's coming from Julian's! Let's move, everyone.
- What the fuck is that? Holy fuck, boys, that smoke' s coming from Julian's.
- Damn! - What the fuck happened? - Do you believe this? What the fuck did you guys do to my shed? - I don't know what happened, Bubbles, but we can probably rebuild.
It's no big deal.
- No big deal?! Take a look around, Ricky.
I fucking lost everything.
- What's this, an electrical panel here? Did you have wiring in this place, Bubbles? - Yeah, apparently I had some installed today.
- Cory and Trevor hooked that up.
I don't know what the fuck they did.
- Well, that's bullshit, dude.
- Smart boys, real smart.
Trevor, Cory, one more smart-ass prank like this, and you're out of this trailer park.
- It wasn't our fault, Mr.
Leahey.
We wired it right.
- It wasn't your fault? Whose fault was it then? - You guys are so stupid, I can't believe you burned down Bubble's shed.
- Yeah, man.
That was weak, man.
- Played yourselves, suckas.
- Well, I think that's yours , Ricky.
Stupid- stupid fucking dope plants.
- They're not dope plants, they're just some vegetables we were growing.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I fuckin g believe that, Ricky.
Oh, for fuck's sakes.
Look at that.
That's my fucking bubble maker That was the only thing I ha d that my parents gave me before they fucking deserted me in this shed, which I don't have anymore Now it's just a big melted fucking lop of shit.
[crying.]
- Bubbles, Bubbles.
Just a sec, man.
Listen, I'm real sorry about this, Bubbles, alright - I'm really fucking sorry - We'll make it up to you.
We're gonna build you another shed It's gonna be better than that one.
- What the fuck am I gonna put in it, boys? Everything I had in the worl was in there.
Now it's all gone.
'Cause of you two.
You guys go back to growing dope, which is what you do best.
That's what's fucking important to you.
Obviously.
- I'm sorry, Bubbles.
- Come on, Daisy.
Come on, Daisy.
Let's find somewhere to live Can you guys stop filming me , do you think? - Ah, fuck.
- Nice work, boys.
s - Worse part about this is that the only six good plant we had left burned in the fucking fire - If those ladybugs don't work , we're fucked.
- I gotta get something to eat - You guys wanna see some shit, come watch this - What the fuck? - Alright, asshole, clean up this fucking garbage.
- Now listen.
Get your fucking cats off my property, or I'm gonna call Animal Control and have them all put to fucking sleep.
- Oh, yeah? You think you can do it if you're fucking knocked out, huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? - What are you doing, Sam? - He fuckin' attacked me.
- Let him go.
- Get the fuck out of here and take this four-eyed freak with you, okay.
- Listen, let's look at the situation.
There's one simple decision, alright? Choice number one: Clean u p those fucking hot dogs.
- Or? - Choice number two: I'll slap the shit out of yo u in front of Barbara.
Hey, Barb.
- Hey, Julian.
- Anything wrong? - No, honey.
We're just talking about the cat problem.
Sure guys, I'd be more than happy to help you clean up the problem.
You know, make sure the cats are healthy and nowhere around here.
My apologies.
- No, I apologize, Sam.
It's my fault.
I forgot to tell you e that the cats were licking all the hot dogs on the plate ther when I came up about 20 minutes ago.
- Cats have been licking these hot dogs? - Yeah, they were licking the shit out of them.
- Thanks, guys.
You just ruine d my fucking barbecue.
- Just clean up the fuckin g hot dogs, alright, Sam? - Okay, Julian.
- Stop fucking around.
- Bubbles.
Why don't you sleep on my couch for a while until you find a new place I'm sorry.
- Thanks, Julian, but I do stuff on my own.
You know that.
- Look, Bubbles, what happened with the shed, I admit, that was my fault.
It was mostly Cory and Trevor's fault, but I did kind of get them in there, and I'm fucking sorry.
- Well kind of, Ricky.
I mean, you never said anything about hooking power up in there.
Neither did you, Julian.
- Come by the Airstream late and we'll get some pickled eggs.
I'm buying.
And we're gonn a have a little party for you, like old times.
You deserve it, man.
- Well, maybe, we'll see.
I got some stuff to do and I gotta relax.
- Sorry, Bubs.
You fucked up this time, Rick.
- We both fucked up.
I wish you could admit that.
- Holy fuck, there's a lot of ladybugs in there.
It's working, though, man.
They're eating the fuck out of those spider mites.
- So it is working, then? - Oh, yeah.
- Come here for a second.
Good job, buddy.
- Thanks, man.
- Get a hold of the prison guards, tell them we are right on schedule, then.
- We'll have enough for 10 prisons if you want.
Supply and command, buddy.
- So when's Bubbles coming over? - He should be here soon, I think.
- I got the pickled eggs.
- Right on, Trina.
- And I got Bubbles a little present.
- Perfect.
I think he'll be here any time.
He loves pickled eggs.
Who doesn't.
- Guys, it doesn't look like Bubbles is gonna show up.
- She gets that grass into 'em , that'll fix 'em right up.
- Bubbles, you know some pile about kitties, you know what I'm saying? What's up T? What's going on - Not much, J-Rock.
- You can stay here as long as you want, Bubbles .
Stay in this van.
J- Rock got your back hard, you know what I'm saying? - Appreciate that, J - Rock.
But I pay my own way.
You know that.
Twelve bucks a month, what do you think? , Plus heat and lights.
- You drive a hard b'zargain you know what I'm saying? I'm out.
Peace, T.
- Thanks, J-Rock.
- You okay? - Yeah, I'm alright.
- You didn't come over for pickled eggs.
- Just trying to get this place set up.
What do you think? - It's nice.
I got you a little something I hope it cheers you up.
- Thanks, Trina.
It's a bubble maker!