Trailer Park Boys s02e07 Episode Script
The Bare Pimp Project
- Ricky, what are you doing? - Just doing some tests.
- You were supposed to get rid of this shit.
What's up with the new clones? - Hear me out, Julian, alright ? - No, you hear me out, Ricky The deal was grow the dope , sell it, that's it.
No more breaking the law.
- That's what I want to talk to you about, man.
When I went back to school, it changed all my perspecticks on life.
Imagine what I could do with dope once I get my Grade 10.
It would be awesome.
- Ricky, you're starting to scare me.
Listen.
We sell the hasch, you'll never have to work again.
Why do you want to take this chance? I simply take this, pass it to the guard, sell it, it's all over.
One time sale, we don't go to jail.
How many times do I gotta - - - Holy fuck! I gotta go write my exam, man, I'm gonna be late.
- No.
Listen, we're gonna talk about this, Ricky.
- You got any ignition spray ? - No, I don't.
Ricky, listen, can you pleas e talk to me just for one minute - I don't got time.
- That trailer is packed with evidence and we gotta get rid of it.
And you, my friend, you're not growing any mor e dope, do you hear me? - Bullshit I'm not growing dope! - You're not growing any more dope! This is my decision.
- That's like asking NWA to stop being black.
e It's what I do: I grow fucking dope.
- Fine.
Have fun growing dop while Sam Losco's the new trailer-park supervisor.
- What the fuck are you talking about? - Sam asked Barbara to marry him last night.
- That's no big deal, is it? - No big deal? What are you talking about? Barbara owns this trailer park, Ricky.
If that happens, we're gonna be fucked and you're gonna go back to jail And I'm not going with you this time.
- I'm not worried about it I'm worried about getting this fucking car going and going to get my exam written.
I'm worried about the War of 1812, I'm worried about the fucking solar system.
- Blah, blah, blah You do what you gotta do and I'm gonna do what I gotta do, alright? See ya later, buddy.
No more partnership, nothing - Bullshit! I thought we were a fucking team! - You take your money and you go do whatever you want, man.
- Don't you fucking touch that dope until I get back from school.
- I'm sick of you, Ricky! - Don't you fucking touch it It's not right.
It's my dope too, Julian.
Where the fuck is my ignition spray? Fuck! Basically, Barbara, Mr.
Lahey's ex-wife, r owns this trailer park.
So Sam is trying to romance he and get together with her so he can take over and have control of this par k to fuck us around.
And that's not going to happen We're gonna have to do something about that.
Well, J-Roc's been known to mess around with porn.
He calls it "adult film making", he's been making a little bit of small movie stuff on the side.
I don't know, it's kind of low budget, but people seem to like it, apparently.
I don't know.
I'm not doin g anymore of that porn stuff I did it once, and it was a fucking nightmare - There ain't no way I'm makin g no more porn movies, dog.
Last time, my mum went off on my head, you know what I'm saying.
I'm like, I don't play that no more, Jules.
- Listen, I understand your situation, but we've got to frame Sam And I can't think of any other way of doing it.
It's a perfect plan.
It'll work.
- Jules, I don't know.
I got your back, you know what I'm saying, but I can't get behind that greasy hot-dog eating Neanderthal mo-fucker - Hang on, J-Roc.
Don't say no just yet.
I'd certainly star in another one of your movies.
- I don't know, man.
Last time, it was weak, it was low budget, there was no money - That's right.
- I'm not feeling it, man.
- Well, I got a budget for ya.
How does 800 bucks sound? - Eight hundred bucks?! Why didn't you say the shi t was professional, Jules? - Two hundred and thirteen shopping carts, Randy.
- Hello? - Barbara.
- Where's Trina? - She's in her room.
- She's still grounded for pawning her bike to Cory and Trevor.
- Oh, right.
Well, I just popped over to tell you that Sam Losco proposed last night.
e - You gotta be kidding! - No.
I think it's about tim one of us tried to provide the girl with a stable family atmosphere where she doesn't feel lik e she has to pawn her bike or deliver pepperoni to drug dealers.
(Randy): And you think tha t you're the perfect parent? - Randy, when I want advic e on cheeseburgers or not wearing a shirt, you know, you're the perso n I'll come to.
- Alright, alright.
Let's just pretend we're adults here for a moment, please.
Trina, come out here for a moment.
Trina, please, come here! - Gee, that was effective, Jim Trina! - What the fuck do you want, Lahey? - I'm looking for my daughter, Ricky.
Trina! - Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa.
- Ricky (Ricky, over Jim's radio): Randy, I'll be with you in one second.
- Hands off the equipment.
That's for official business only! - I haven't seen Trina since her dysfunctional parents grounded her for something stupid.
Get the fuck in the car.
- How dare you speak to us like that? - How dare you marry a money-hustling cave man, honey - That is none of your business.
What I do on my own time i s my business.
I own this trailer park and I can make your life hell.
- Well, you're making your daughter's life hell.
If you went to parent school , maybe she'd stop running away.
- Jim! - That's why I drink, Barbara.
- Get this piece of shit out of my way, Lahey.
I've got to go to school.
- Hey, Julian! - Trina! What are you doing here? - My parents were fighting and that dick Sam might become my step-father.
I don't have anyone to talk to - You're lucky I'm in a rush right now.
Just stay back there and keep your head down.
This is no place for a young lady, Trina.
- Sam! What's going on, dog? - Who, uh, who are the ladies? - Oh, I can't really talk about that, Sam, you know what I'm saying? Ah, I can.
You're about the dopest mac up in this park.
Can you keep a secret? - Sure.
- Me and T, we making an adult film with the ladies, you know what I'm saying? Ladies, come on over and say hi to a friend of mine - Hi.
- This here is Sam.
- You're looking kind of familiar.
Have you ever been in any TV or film or anything? - Me? I used to do acting in junior high, but - Well, that's acting experience.
- Well n - You look like the type of ma that could really take charge of this, handle it - You want me to be in your adult video? - It's just a tape for the girls.
Nobody will see it.
(Sam): No one will ever see it ? - Uh-uh.
(J-Roc): Just a tape for they selves, gonna stay on the shelves.
(Sam): Ah, I don't know, (J-Roc): I'll be honest, it didn't even occur to me.
T? Didn't cross my mind.
(J-Roc): But Sam, damn! That's not a bad idea, you know what I'm saying? - You know I'm engaged.
- Alright, you guys stay here with her.
I'll be back in a minute.
- Hey, Julian.
What's in the bag? - Nothing.
You can get in the front now, Trina.
Let me ask you something.
Would you be upset if your mum and Sam broke up - Would Randy be upset if yo u gave him a double cheeseburger - This is turning out to be one fucked up day.
Remember Cyrus, that idiot that tried to take over the trailer park that time? Apparently, he was in nigh t school 'cause he didn't ge t his Grade 10 either and the teachers couldn't handle him, so he's writing his fuckin g final exam with us today.
And all these kids coming up to me saying, "Did you see who was with Cyrus?" Guess who was with him? Lucy And she's doing that to try and make me jealous She's banging Cyrus, which is bullshit.
Do people want me to fail Grade y Lucy and Cyrus on my mind toda and you fucking idiots following me around.
I can't handle this, guys.
But you make my words, I'm gonna get my Grade 10 and everybody else can jus t catch a boat to Fuckoffityland So shut off your little camera and I gotta go write my fucking exam.
Wish I had time for a smoke, but I don't.
Fuck, shut it off, guys.
You're fucking pissing me off.
- It's off.
- The red light's still on in the front.
- Pencils down.
Who's smoking? - Ricky.
- Richard, you're letting me down.
- I'm sorry.
I'm addicted.
He's cheating.
Look at the back of his arms and neck.
They're a frigging cheat couple.
- You fucking - Congratulations.
You both failed Grade 10.
Get out of my classroom.
- You gotta be kidding me.
- Get out! - Please, Miss, it's not my fault.
He made me do it - I'm gonna have to talk t o your mother about this, Jacob.
I'm really disappointed.
Get out of my class.
- Please don't call her.
- Get out of my class.
- Please don't call her.
- Cyrus, knock-knock! - Who's there? - Someone who just failed Grade 10.
- I'll see you later.
- Well, you can't see me now cause you're kicked ou t of Grade 10.
- Fuck off! I got work to do - Well, have fun getting a job since you're kicked out of Grade 10, you fucking dummy.
- Richard, you're on thin ice.
Eyes back down to your paper - Sorry, Miss Connelly.
- What's up with the truck , Mr.
Lahey? - I found a loophole in the lease I signed with Julian for the Airstream.
, Legally, we can't control what goes on inside the Airstream but figuratively, the trailer is no fixed address, Randy.
- So we can legally move it.
- Exactly.
We're gonna move little Ricky' s dope growing operation right here to our driveway , Randy.
That'll throw a wrench int their little dope-growing plans.
- Brilliant, Sir.
- Cheers! - What are these things hanging in the trees, J-Roc? - Bubbles, they the stick pimps, you know what I'm saying? A - Right, this here's the scene where the 3 lumberjacks come in, you know what I'm saying? Bubbles, you untie them witch hos, you know what I'm saying, and get your freak on, and then, Sam, ya'll come in and say, "No, hang on now, you ain't getting your freak on till I get paid.
" Right? 'Cause them your witch hos, you know what I'm saying? Cory and Trevor, hang on just one second.
Bubbles, ya alright? - I'm alright, let's do it - Alright, Bubbles, go get your freak on, you know what I'm saying? Action! - No witches are gonna bur n in my woods, ladies.
- Oh, thank you, kind sir.
How can we repay you for saving our lives? - Uh, I gotta couple of ideas.
- Oh, you're a naughty lumberjack.
- Hey, hold it there, lumberjack! No one's getting my witche s unless I get paid.
Or else, I'm gonna burn em You can pay me in livestock, land deeds or gold coins.
(Sam, whispering): Alright , Cory, Trevor, go, go.
Get your freak on, Cory and Trevor.
It's all good, you know what I'm saying? And cut! Alright, that's a wrap.
- Don't we get to do stuff? You said we were going to get to do stuff.
- That's dope, we got it all in the first two takes, you know what I'm saying.
- Ah shit, man, we got played! That's ridiculous man, come on - Why don't y'all go home an d do some practice on yourselves - Why don't you fuck off? - My boy's gonna play in the big leagues some day.
Hey! Let's go on.
- Go on, you guys.
- Right, take the camera right , running through the woods, spinning around, do all kinds of crazy shit And then, you act all scared and stuff, and you're running, right? You're running around, acting crazy with the camera Then you stop and say, "I ain't never been no frisk y in my life.
" , Then you take this flashligh t and put it under your face you know what I'm saying? You run and do it crazy, you know what I'm saying? - I think so.
- A-right, you're scared, but you're frisky, right? A- right? Go! (grunting noises) (Sam, whispering): Say it now.
(panting): I ain't never been so frisky in my life.
How was that, J-Roc? - Bubbles, I don't know, dog I don't even believe that you're frisky, right? Try it again, but sound like you're really frisky, right? You're like scared.
- Jesus, J-Roc, I've done it four times.
I don't know if I can do i t any better.
- One more time.
- No one's ever gonna see this - Sam, you got the word of the J to the R O C! - J-Roc, this is a great idea, man.
(J-Roc): Sam, you the bare pimp.
You the pimp.
- Thank you, J-Roc.
This is the best day of my life, Bubbles.
(J-Roc): Zoom in on Sam, super pimp.
- Oh, thank God I found you, man.
Listen.
- What do you want, Lucy? - Cyrus has totally freaked out.
He flunked Grade 10 this morning and I broke up with him and he is on a fucking rampage He's got a gun and he's looking for you and he said he's going to kill you.
- What the fuck are you talkin g about, he's gonna kill me? It's not my fault.
- He knows that I went out with him because I wanted to make you jealous.
And he's all fucked up.
So come on, let's go.
- Lucy, I don't have time for this shit right now.
- Just come with me.
Just ten minutes.
We really gotta talk about this.
Let's go.
- Can I borrow 2 bucks for gas ? - Yes, of course.
- Hi, Barb.
- Julian.
h - Listen, there's somethin g on this tape you should watc before you consider marrying Sam.
- What do you mean, "conside r marrying Sam"? I am - - Just watch it.
It was filmed today.
- What was filmed today? Julian! - Oh, that's a really good grading present.
I can't wait till Ricky sees that cocksucker.
- I just hope he did okay on his exam.
- Hey, Sarah, where's Ricky? I gotta find him! Friggin Lahey is hauling his dope trailer away! - Are you serious? - Come on! Yes! Come on! Let's go, guys! Let's go! - Holy Fuck! - The Bare Pimp Project.
Have you seen this little masterpiece? - Where did you get this? - Julian dropped it off.
How could you do this to me, you bastard?! - Honey, give me a chance to explain.
You know, I've always wanted to be an actor, okay? And actors have to be open t o different experiences and I was just pretending, it was just - - There is no way in hell that I would marry you! And you know what? I hate hot-dogs! - I Fuck! Fuck Julian! - Lucy, you expect I'm just gonna drop everything and go back with you after you went out with fucking Randy and Cyrus - Yes.
- Well fuck, Lucy that's fucked! Randy is a fucking sasquatch .
- Check it out! (gas attendant): How are you doing, Sir? Fill it up with Supreme? - No, don't fill it up.
Just put two dollars thirty-five cents regular.
- Okay.
- My perspecticks have changed now since school and new relationships and stuff, Lucy.
I'm a different man.
- You're talking about Sarah , right? Yeah, I knew it.
Right? - Well, not totally maybe all because of Sarah, but the thing is, is that Look, I'll drive you back to the park, but there's probably a pretty good chance that it might be over between us.
I'm sorry.
- Two thirty-five, Sir.
- What the hell is going on? - You're in trouble now, Lahey Ricky's here, buddy.
- What are you doing to my trailer? - What are you doing in Ricky's car? - What are you doing living with Ricky? - It's not what it looks like, just calm down for a second.
- Bottle kids! (screaming) (smashing sounds) - Fuck, that was a lot of bottles! - You listen here, Lahey! Unhook this trailer right the fuck now! I got a lease for this shit.
(gunshot) - What do you want?! (gunshot) - Where the fuck are Julian and J-Roc?! - Bubbles, trunk, guns, let's go! I need back up here.
- What the fuck is going on, Jules? All them guns and shit.
I don't play that shit.
- Julian, what is going on - You stay down and don't move - Julian, I need some fucking help here! (gunshots) - Randy, 911, we need the cops - Fuck! I'm fucking shot! Ah, fuck! (Shooting continues.
) - Stop your firing! - Boys, listen, listen.
(sirens wailing) - The cops! We gotta get that trailer out of here.
It's full of dope.
(gunshots) - Get rid of the gun, Bubbles! - You fucking dicks, you fucking shot me! - Come on, boys.
- You're fucking dead! - What kind of trouble can I get in for driving you guys with all this dope and these guns and all the crazy bullshit? (Ricky): It's not a big deal , Bubbles, don't worry about it.
We got in a little bit of a gun fight.
I got shot a little bit.
It's no big deal.
A bit of dope to get rid of.
We're fine.
- I don't know, Ricky.
I heard that, you know, we could get in a lot of trouble for having that much dope and guns.
- Bubbles, you'll just get a slap on the wrist, man.
Everything'll be cool.
You might get a fine or something, I'll take care of it, I promise.
- But you guys will get in big trouble.
- It's no big deal.
We've been in a lot worse shit than this, Bubbles.
This was nothing.
What the Ah fuck! Great ! A heli-fucking-copter.
- Oh, my God! - Bravo, tango one.
We have the suspects heading north on Highway 103, in a Bronco pulling an Airstream trailer Suspect is leaning out of the vehicle.
- Get the fuck out of here ! There's nothing to see here! Leave us the fuck alone! We're just on vacation! I'm calling the cops! You're flying way too fucking low, you assholes! Fuck! This sucks right now - This is going to be cool, boys.
We're gonna get away with this.
Don't worry about it.
- There's a helicopter behind us! - Bullshit! Just keep driving! We'll lose it in the trees up here or something.
- Is that a kitty on the road? There's a kitty on the road! (screaming) (cow mooing) - Boys, come on.
She's gonna blow.
(Ricky): Son of a bitch! - Come on, Ricky.
- Oh, fuck! (helicopter approaching) - Vehicle has crashed.
Repeat, vehicle has crashed.
Suspects are on foot.
(Ricky): I'm never getting in a vehicle with you again! (Bubbles): I'm not gonna run over a kitty to save your dope, Ricky! - Come one, boys.
Let me think .
- We gotta hide! - Boys, the cops! - Ricky, give me your gun.
- I'm getting out of here.
- The hasch is still in the trailer, we gotta get it - Ricky Ricky There's no hasch in the trailer.
- What? You smoked all the hasch? - I sold it this morning.
Check it out, the evidence is on fire.
They can't do shit to us.
- Ricky! Julian! Help me! I'm all tangled u p in this fucking wire! - Come on, guys, we gotta get outta here.
- We're not leaving Bubbles.
- Ricky, Julian! Help me, I'm all tangled u p in this fucking wire! - Come on, Bubbles, we gotta get outta here.
- Help me up.
(loud sirens wailing) - Freeze! Nobody move! - Alright, everybody calm down here.
Get this fucking chopper out of here and just calm down This guy is totally innocent .
He's a farmer.
He came out to help us out o f the wreck, he saved our lives.
And you guys are going to be sued if you arrest him, 'cause he's innocent.
- That's right.
That's right I can't see that well and I tripped into that wire I don't even know what's fucking going on here.
There's a helicopter over here , my cows are scared.
Everybody can get the fuck off my property! d - Two suspects in custody.
Headquarters has identifie another vehicle approaching.
Jim Lahey, trailer-park supervisor from the Sunnyvale Trailer Park.
The other man with no shirt is Randy.
- Hey, boys.
Good luck back in Con College! - Fuck you, Lahey! Get this fucking helicopte r out of here.
Come on, guys - Julian, you owe me $500 damage to the Airstream - Not a problem, Lahey.
I'll give it to you as soon as I'm released.
- Which would be in a little bit 'cause we didn't do anything wrong.
There's no evidence.
Nothing happened.
We're on a little vacation here.
Had a bit of an accident.
Calm down.
You guys don't got shit.
You don't have jack shit.
There's no fucking evidence, nothing! I want your badge numbers cause I'm suing you.
- Everything's cool, Ricky - If they think we're going to jail, they're fucking dreaming I'm suing your families, your grandparents and your fucking pets! I need a cigarette here, for fuck's sakes! - There's the food that you like.
Your favorite type.
There you go.
(whispering): Pretend like you know me.
- I guess we're back in jail , and not real happy about it.
But you know, they nailed us on a few things, misdemeanors like drinking and driving, destruction of property, evading arrest, dangerous use of a fire arm.
Well, those are the ones we got nailed with anyway.
We got off on a few others , 'cause we pled guilty to those - Ricky, tell em about your exam.
- I got my Grade 10.
I got 57, which is awesome It's the best mark I've ever gotten without cheating.
So I'm really happy.
I can't believe it, still.
I never thought I was gonna get my Grade 10 ever in my whole life.
So Now I can maybe even get my Grade 11, who knows - I'm proud of him.
- That's that.
Don't lose that key.
(Ricky): When we get out of here, we're gonna have a few extra dollars.
So I can handle this.
- We're retired, buddy.
Two months.
- Dope's not that bad either
- You were supposed to get rid of this shit.
What's up with the new clones? - Hear me out, Julian, alright ? - No, you hear me out, Ricky The deal was grow the dope , sell it, that's it.
No more breaking the law.
- That's what I want to talk to you about, man.
When I went back to school, it changed all my perspecticks on life.
Imagine what I could do with dope once I get my Grade 10.
It would be awesome.
- Ricky, you're starting to scare me.
Listen.
We sell the hasch, you'll never have to work again.
Why do you want to take this chance? I simply take this, pass it to the guard, sell it, it's all over.
One time sale, we don't go to jail.
How many times do I gotta - - - Holy fuck! I gotta go write my exam, man, I'm gonna be late.
- No.
Listen, we're gonna talk about this, Ricky.
- You got any ignition spray ? - No, I don't.
Ricky, listen, can you pleas e talk to me just for one minute - I don't got time.
- That trailer is packed with evidence and we gotta get rid of it.
And you, my friend, you're not growing any mor e dope, do you hear me? - Bullshit I'm not growing dope! - You're not growing any more dope! This is my decision.
- That's like asking NWA to stop being black.
e It's what I do: I grow fucking dope.
- Fine.
Have fun growing dop while Sam Losco's the new trailer-park supervisor.
- What the fuck are you talking about? - Sam asked Barbara to marry him last night.
- That's no big deal, is it? - No big deal? What are you talking about? Barbara owns this trailer park, Ricky.
If that happens, we're gonna be fucked and you're gonna go back to jail And I'm not going with you this time.
- I'm not worried about it I'm worried about getting this fucking car going and going to get my exam written.
I'm worried about the War of 1812, I'm worried about the fucking solar system.
- Blah, blah, blah You do what you gotta do and I'm gonna do what I gotta do, alright? See ya later, buddy.
No more partnership, nothing - Bullshit! I thought we were a fucking team! - You take your money and you go do whatever you want, man.
- Don't you fucking touch that dope until I get back from school.
- I'm sick of you, Ricky! - Don't you fucking touch it It's not right.
It's my dope too, Julian.
Where the fuck is my ignition spray? Fuck! Basically, Barbara, Mr.
Lahey's ex-wife, r owns this trailer park.
So Sam is trying to romance he and get together with her so he can take over and have control of this par k to fuck us around.
And that's not going to happen We're gonna have to do something about that.
Well, J-Roc's been known to mess around with porn.
He calls it "adult film making", he's been making a little bit of small movie stuff on the side.
I don't know, it's kind of low budget, but people seem to like it, apparently.
I don't know.
I'm not doin g anymore of that porn stuff I did it once, and it was a fucking nightmare - There ain't no way I'm makin g no more porn movies, dog.
Last time, my mum went off on my head, you know what I'm saying.
I'm like, I don't play that no more, Jules.
- Listen, I understand your situation, but we've got to frame Sam And I can't think of any other way of doing it.
It's a perfect plan.
It'll work.
- Jules, I don't know.
I got your back, you know what I'm saying, but I can't get behind that greasy hot-dog eating Neanderthal mo-fucker - Hang on, J-Roc.
Don't say no just yet.
I'd certainly star in another one of your movies.
- I don't know, man.
Last time, it was weak, it was low budget, there was no money - That's right.
- I'm not feeling it, man.
- Well, I got a budget for ya.
How does 800 bucks sound? - Eight hundred bucks?! Why didn't you say the shi t was professional, Jules? - Two hundred and thirteen shopping carts, Randy.
- Hello? - Barbara.
- Where's Trina? - She's in her room.
- She's still grounded for pawning her bike to Cory and Trevor.
- Oh, right.
Well, I just popped over to tell you that Sam Losco proposed last night.
e - You gotta be kidding! - No.
I think it's about tim one of us tried to provide the girl with a stable family atmosphere where she doesn't feel lik e she has to pawn her bike or deliver pepperoni to drug dealers.
(Randy): And you think tha t you're the perfect parent? - Randy, when I want advic e on cheeseburgers or not wearing a shirt, you know, you're the perso n I'll come to.
- Alright, alright.
Let's just pretend we're adults here for a moment, please.
Trina, come out here for a moment.
Trina, please, come here! - Gee, that was effective, Jim Trina! - What the fuck do you want, Lahey? - I'm looking for my daughter, Ricky.
Trina! - Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa.
- Ricky (Ricky, over Jim's radio): Randy, I'll be with you in one second.
- Hands off the equipment.
That's for official business only! - I haven't seen Trina since her dysfunctional parents grounded her for something stupid.
Get the fuck in the car.
- How dare you speak to us like that? - How dare you marry a money-hustling cave man, honey - That is none of your business.
What I do on my own time i s my business.
I own this trailer park and I can make your life hell.
- Well, you're making your daughter's life hell.
If you went to parent school , maybe she'd stop running away.
- Jim! - That's why I drink, Barbara.
- Get this piece of shit out of my way, Lahey.
I've got to go to school.
- Hey, Julian! - Trina! What are you doing here? - My parents were fighting and that dick Sam might become my step-father.
I don't have anyone to talk to - You're lucky I'm in a rush right now.
Just stay back there and keep your head down.
This is no place for a young lady, Trina.
- Sam! What's going on, dog? - Who, uh, who are the ladies? - Oh, I can't really talk about that, Sam, you know what I'm saying? Ah, I can.
You're about the dopest mac up in this park.
Can you keep a secret? - Sure.
- Me and T, we making an adult film with the ladies, you know what I'm saying? Ladies, come on over and say hi to a friend of mine - Hi.
- This here is Sam.
- You're looking kind of familiar.
Have you ever been in any TV or film or anything? - Me? I used to do acting in junior high, but - Well, that's acting experience.
- Well n - You look like the type of ma that could really take charge of this, handle it - You want me to be in your adult video? - It's just a tape for the girls.
Nobody will see it.
(Sam): No one will ever see it ? - Uh-uh.
(J-Roc): Just a tape for they selves, gonna stay on the shelves.
(Sam): Ah, I don't know, (J-Roc): I'll be honest, it didn't even occur to me.
T? Didn't cross my mind.
(J-Roc): But Sam, damn! That's not a bad idea, you know what I'm saying? - You know I'm engaged.
- Alright, you guys stay here with her.
I'll be back in a minute.
- Hey, Julian.
What's in the bag? - Nothing.
You can get in the front now, Trina.
Let me ask you something.
Would you be upset if your mum and Sam broke up - Would Randy be upset if yo u gave him a double cheeseburger - This is turning out to be one fucked up day.
Remember Cyrus, that idiot that tried to take over the trailer park that time? Apparently, he was in nigh t school 'cause he didn't ge t his Grade 10 either and the teachers couldn't handle him, so he's writing his fuckin g final exam with us today.
And all these kids coming up to me saying, "Did you see who was with Cyrus?" Guess who was with him? Lucy And she's doing that to try and make me jealous She's banging Cyrus, which is bullshit.
Do people want me to fail Grade y Lucy and Cyrus on my mind toda and you fucking idiots following me around.
I can't handle this, guys.
But you make my words, I'm gonna get my Grade 10 and everybody else can jus t catch a boat to Fuckoffityland So shut off your little camera and I gotta go write my fucking exam.
Wish I had time for a smoke, but I don't.
Fuck, shut it off, guys.
You're fucking pissing me off.
- It's off.
- The red light's still on in the front.
- Pencils down.
Who's smoking? - Ricky.
- Richard, you're letting me down.
- I'm sorry.
I'm addicted.
He's cheating.
Look at the back of his arms and neck.
They're a frigging cheat couple.
- You fucking - Congratulations.
You both failed Grade 10.
Get out of my classroom.
- You gotta be kidding me.
- Get out! - Please, Miss, it's not my fault.
He made me do it - I'm gonna have to talk t o your mother about this, Jacob.
I'm really disappointed.
Get out of my class.
- Please don't call her.
- Get out of my class.
- Please don't call her.
- Cyrus, knock-knock! - Who's there? - Someone who just failed Grade 10.
- I'll see you later.
- Well, you can't see me now cause you're kicked ou t of Grade 10.
- Fuck off! I got work to do - Well, have fun getting a job since you're kicked out of Grade 10, you fucking dummy.
- Richard, you're on thin ice.
Eyes back down to your paper - Sorry, Miss Connelly.
- What's up with the truck , Mr.
Lahey? - I found a loophole in the lease I signed with Julian for the Airstream.
, Legally, we can't control what goes on inside the Airstream but figuratively, the trailer is no fixed address, Randy.
- So we can legally move it.
- Exactly.
We're gonna move little Ricky' s dope growing operation right here to our driveway , Randy.
That'll throw a wrench int their little dope-growing plans.
- Brilliant, Sir.
- Cheers! - What are these things hanging in the trees, J-Roc? - Bubbles, they the stick pimps, you know what I'm saying? A - Right, this here's the scene where the 3 lumberjacks come in, you know what I'm saying? Bubbles, you untie them witch hos, you know what I'm saying, and get your freak on, and then, Sam, ya'll come in and say, "No, hang on now, you ain't getting your freak on till I get paid.
" Right? 'Cause them your witch hos, you know what I'm saying? Cory and Trevor, hang on just one second.
Bubbles, ya alright? - I'm alright, let's do it - Alright, Bubbles, go get your freak on, you know what I'm saying? Action! - No witches are gonna bur n in my woods, ladies.
- Oh, thank you, kind sir.
How can we repay you for saving our lives? - Uh, I gotta couple of ideas.
- Oh, you're a naughty lumberjack.
- Hey, hold it there, lumberjack! No one's getting my witche s unless I get paid.
Or else, I'm gonna burn em You can pay me in livestock, land deeds or gold coins.
(Sam, whispering): Alright , Cory, Trevor, go, go.
Get your freak on, Cory and Trevor.
It's all good, you know what I'm saying? And cut! Alright, that's a wrap.
- Don't we get to do stuff? You said we were going to get to do stuff.
- That's dope, we got it all in the first two takes, you know what I'm saying.
- Ah shit, man, we got played! That's ridiculous man, come on - Why don't y'all go home an d do some practice on yourselves - Why don't you fuck off? - My boy's gonna play in the big leagues some day.
Hey! Let's go on.
- Go on, you guys.
- Right, take the camera right , running through the woods, spinning around, do all kinds of crazy shit And then, you act all scared and stuff, and you're running, right? You're running around, acting crazy with the camera Then you stop and say, "I ain't never been no frisk y in my life.
" , Then you take this flashligh t and put it under your face you know what I'm saying? You run and do it crazy, you know what I'm saying? - I think so.
- A-right, you're scared, but you're frisky, right? A- right? Go! (grunting noises) (Sam, whispering): Say it now.
(panting): I ain't never been so frisky in my life.
How was that, J-Roc? - Bubbles, I don't know, dog I don't even believe that you're frisky, right? Try it again, but sound like you're really frisky, right? You're like scared.
- Jesus, J-Roc, I've done it four times.
I don't know if I can do i t any better.
- One more time.
- No one's ever gonna see this - Sam, you got the word of the J to the R O C! - J-Roc, this is a great idea, man.
(J-Roc): Sam, you the bare pimp.
You the pimp.
- Thank you, J-Roc.
This is the best day of my life, Bubbles.
(J-Roc): Zoom in on Sam, super pimp.
- Oh, thank God I found you, man.
Listen.
- What do you want, Lucy? - Cyrus has totally freaked out.
He flunked Grade 10 this morning and I broke up with him and he is on a fucking rampage He's got a gun and he's looking for you and he said he's going to kill you.
- What the fuck are you talkin g about, he's gonna kill me? It's not my fault.
- He knows that I went out with him because I wanted to make you jealous.
And he's all fucked up.
So come on, let's go.
- Lucy, I don't have time for this shit right now.
- Just come with me.
Just ten minutes.
We really gotta talk about this.
Let's go.
- Can I borrow 2 bucks for gas ? - Yes, of course.
- Hi, Barb.
- Julian.
h - Listen, there's somethin g on this tape you should watc before you consider marrying Sam.
- What do you mean, "conside r marrying Sam"? I am - - Just watch it.
It was filmed today.
- What was filmed today? Julian! - Oh, that's a really good grading present.
I can't wait till Ricky sees that cocksucker.
- I just hope he did okay on his exam.
- Hey, Sarah, where's Ricky? I gotta find him! Friggin Lahey is hauling his dope trailer away! - Are you serious? - Come on! Yes! Come on! Let's go, guys! Let's go! - Holy Fuck! - The Bare Pimp Project.
Have you seen this little masterpiece? - Where did you get this? - Julian dropped it off.
How could you do this to me, you bastard?! - Honey, give me a chance to explain.
You know, I've always wanted to be an actor, okay? And actors have to be open t o different experiences and I was just pretending, it was just - - There is no way in hell that I would marry you! And you know what? I hate hot-dogs! - I Fuck! Fuck Julian! - Lucy, you expect I'm just gonna drop everything and go back with you after you went out with fucking Randy and Cyrus - Yes.
- Well fuck, Lucy that's fucked! Randy is a fucking sasquatch .
- Check it out! (gas attendant): How are you doing, Sir? Fill it up with Supreme? - No, don't fill it up.
Just put two dollars thirty-five cents regular.
- Okay.
- My perspecticks have changed now since school and new relationships and stuff, Lucy.
I'm a different man.
- You're talking about Sarah , right? Yeah, I knew it.
Right? - Well, not totally maybe all because of Sarah, but the thing is, is that Look, I'll drive you back to the park, but there's probably a pretty good chance that it might be over between us.
I'm sorry.
- Two thirty-five, Sir.
- What the hell is going on? - You're in trouble now, Lahey Ricky's here, buddy.
- What are you doing to my trailer? - What are you doing in Ricky's car? - What are you doing living with Ricky? - It's not what it looks like, just calm down for a second.
- Bottle kids! (screaming) (smashing sounds) - Fuck, that was a lot of bottles! - You listen here, Lahey! Unhook this trailer right the fuck now! I got a lease for this shit.
(gunshot) - What do you want?! (gunshot) - Where the fuck are Julian and J-Roc?! - Bubbles, trunk, guns, let's go! I need back up here.
- What the fuck is going on, Jules? All them guns and shit.
I don't play that shit.
- Julian, what is going on - You stay down and don't move - Julian, I need some fucking help here! (gunshots) - Randy, 911, we need the cops - Fuck! I'm fucking shot! Ah, fuck! (Shooting continues.
) - Stop your firing! - Boys, listen, listen.
(sirens wailing) - The cops! We gotta get that trailer out of here.
It's full of dope.
(gunshots) - Get rid of the gun, Bubbles! - You fucking dicks, you fucking shot me! - Come on, boys.
- You're fucking dead! - What kind of trouble can I get in for driving you guys with all this dope and these guns and all the crazy bullshit? (Ricky): It's not a big deal , Bubbles, don't worry about it.
We got in a little bit of a gun fight.
I got shot a little bit.
It's no big deal.
A bit of dope to get rid of.
We're fine.
- I don't know, Ricky.
I heard that, you know, we could get in a lot of trouble for having that much dope and guns.
- Bubbles, you'll just get a slap on the wrist, man.
Everything'll be cool.
You might get a fine or something, I'll take care of it, I promise.
- But you guys will get in big trouble.
- It's no big deal.
We've been in a lot worse shit than this, Bubbles.
This was nothing.
What the Ah fuck! Great ! A heli-fucking-copter.
- Oh, my God! - Bravo, tango one.
We have the suspects heading north on Highway 103, in a Bronco pulling an Airstream trailer Suspect is leaning out of the vehicle.
- Get the fuck out of here ! There's nothing to see here! Leave us the fuck alone! We're just on vacation! I'm calling the cops! You're flying way too fucking low, you assholes! Fuck! This sucks right now - This is going to be cool, boys.
We're gonna get away with this.
Don't worry about it.
- There's a helicopter behind us! - Bullshit! Just keep driving! We'll lose it in the trees up here or something.
- Is that a kitty on the road? There's a kitty on the road! (screaming) (cow mooing) - Boys, come on.
She's gonna blow.
(Ricky): Son of a bitch! - Come on, Ricky.
- Oh, fuck! (helicopter approaching) - Vehicle has crashed.
Repeat, vehicle has crashed.
Suspects are on foot.
(Ricky): I'm never getting in a vehicle with you again! (Bubbles): I'm not gonna run over a kitty to save your dope, Ricky! - Come one, boys.
Let me think .
- We gotta hide! - Boys, the cops! - Ricky, give me your gun.
- I'm getting out of here.
- The hasch is still in the trailer, we gotta get it - Ricky Ricky There's no hasch in the trailer.
- What? You smoked all the hasch? - I sold it this morning.
Check it out, the evidence is on fire.
They can't do shit to us.
- Ricky! Julian! Help me! I'm all tangled u p in this fucking wire! - Come on, guys, we gotta get outta here.
- We're not leaving Bubbles.
- Ricky, Julian! Help me, I'm all tangled u p in this fucking wire! - Come on, Bubbles, we gotta get outta here.
- Help me up.
(loud sirens wailing) - Freeze! Nobody move! - Alright, everybody calm down here.
Get this fucking chopper out of here and just calm down This guy is totally innocent .
He's a farmer.
He came out to help us out o f the wreck, he saved our lives.
And you guys are going to be sued if you arrest him, 'cause he's innocent.
- That's right.
That's right I can't see that well and I tripped into that wire I don't even know what's fucking going on here.
There's a helicopter over here , my cows are scared.
Everybody can get the fuck off my property! d - Two suspects in custody.
Headquarters has identifie another vehicle approaching.
Jim Lahey, trailer-park supervisor from the Sunnyvale Trailer Park.
The other man with no shirt is Randy.
- Hey, boys.
Good luck back in Con College! - Fuck you, Lahey! Get this fucking helicopte r out of here.
Come on, guys - Julian, you owe me $500 damage to the Airstream - Not a problem, Lahey.
I'll give it to you as soon as I'm released.
- Which would be in a little bit 'cause we didn't do anything wrong.
There's no evidence.
Nothing happened.
We're on a little vacation here.
Had a bit of an accident.
Calm down.
You guys don't got shit.
You don't have jack shit.
There's no fucking evidence, nothing! I want your badge numbers cause I'm suing you.
- Everything's cool, Ricky - If they think we're going to jail, they're fucking dreaming I'm suing your families, your grandparents and your fucking pets! I need a cigarette here, for fuck's sakes! - There's the food that you like.
Your favorite type.
There you go.
(whispering): Pretend like you know me.
- I guess we're back in jail , and not real happy about it.
But you know, they nailed us on a few things, misdemeanors like drinking and driving, destruction of property, evading arrest, dangerous use of a fire arm.
Well, those are the ones we got nailed with anyway.
We got off on a few others , 'cause we pled guilty to those - Ricky, tell em about your exam.
- I got my Grade 10.
I got 57, which is awesome It's the best mark I've ever gotten without cheating.
So I'm really happy.
I can't believe it, still.
I never thought I was gonna get my Grade 10 ever in my whole life.
So Now I can maybe even get my Grade 11, who knows - I'm proud of him.
- That's that.
Don't lose that key.
(Ricky): When we get out of here, we're gonna have a few extra dollars.
So I can handle this.
- We're retired, buddy.
Two months.
- Dope's not that bad either