Trailer Park Boys s03e02 Episode Script

Temporary Relief Assistant Trailer Park Supervisor

- Come on, get in there.
Get in little kitty, go on - Jiggle it some or something.
- Get in.
Eat the fish.
Flashlight Randy! Got em.
- Bring em up.
- Pull up Randy.
- What's going on? - He's down there.
What's all the noise about ? I'm trying to sleep.
- Ricky, Sergeant Meowenstei n fell down the well 'cause these two arseholes had the lid off all weekend.
- Oh, the weekend? Oh Randy, isn't that your job, aren't you the weekend trailer park supervisor? - Come on.
- Don't lose em.
- Here he is, here he is.
- Don't lose em.
- We got em.
- Oh, thank you.
Oh my God Barb, I want to file a complaint against those two drunk bastards right there.
They let Sargeant Meowenstei n fall down that well and it was almost the end of him.
- This place is going to shit again.
You haven't started the recycling program.
The park is a complete mess.
- Frig off Barb.
- Frig off? - Yeah, frig off, chill out, back off, mind your own business.
- Excuse me, excuse me, Randy.
But if you don't watch it, you're gonna find yourself suspended.
- Stand down Randy.
- She can't, she can't suspend me.
- Right, you're suspended.
Three weeks.
Find yourself a temporary replacement and if your attitude hasn't improved after three weeks, it'll be permanent, Jim.
- Randy.
- Who's going to replace me, Mr.
Lahey? - Don't fucking interrupt my sleep again.
- Yeah, Randy was suspended.
He started to imbibe my feelings of resentment for Barbara, and it just got away from him.
He went one step to far and she stomped him.
- Hey Julian, buddy ole pal.
How's it going? - No fucking way Ricky.
, - Come on man, I just need three grand to buy a pound of weed get back on my feet.
You got all kinds of money left.
- Ricky, I've got ten grand left andI already got plans for it.
Sorry man.
- What about you Bubbles? You got any secret money around I can borrow? , - I'd loan you money Ricky but fuck I got thirty eight cats to look after in this park Do you know how expensive cat food is getting? , The little tins now are as muc h as the big tins used to be and the treats are fucking through the roof And all the cats get two treats a week.
- Calm down, I know what it's like.
I can't even afford fuckin g school supplies for Trinity.
Thanks Julian.
- Why don't you just come work for me man, I got something cooking up , - Well these mo-fuckers that Iknow from Russia right through this adult film that I made,"From Russia with the Love Bone" contacted me, right, saying they got some vodka and shit.
And they needed ten thousand bucks.
I ain't got that kind of money , I'm trying to save up mone y for a video for my new joint it's called "Microphone Assassin", It's going to be dope.
The shit's tight.
- Shit, yeah.
- Anyway, the only mo-fucker in the trailer park I know who's got ten thousan d bucks is Julian.
- I got something lined up, man.
It's a big job.
If you want in, just shut up andI'll tell you what to do, alright? - Shut up? Don't fucking talk to me like I'm Trevor and Corey, Julian.
, I thought we were friends.
If you were my best friend you'd loan me three grand to buy a pound of weed.
- Listen, you lost your mone y in two days.
That's not my fault, alright If you want in, just say so.
If not, the hell with ya.
Why don't you go talk to Lahey ? He's hiring.
- Don't make fun of that job , boys.
I applied for that fucking job .
It's a good paying job.
- No, seriously, fuck off and stop fucking following m e so much.
You're following me way too much now.
Yeah? - Hey guys, how are you doing? - Shit.
Ricky, what are yo u doing here? Come on man, we don't have time for you today.
Let's go, let's get out of here.
- Calm down.
I'm just here to apply for your job, alright - Apply, applying for my job There's no way you could do my job, Ricky.
Come on, let's go.
- I'm just as qualified fo r this job as anyone else in this park.
- Randy, Randy.
Cool it.
Ricky, if you were serious about applying for this job, you'd be here tomorrow morning at eight o'clock for aptitude tests.
- Sure.
What's an aptitude test? - Suitability test, Ricky.
- Well, I'll wear a suit if I have to, I don't care I'll be here.
Thanks Lahey - Ricky! - Enjoy your suspension Randy.
- Mr.
Lahey, you've got to b e kidding me.
There's no way, please, I mean , Ricky can't do my job.
- Au contraire Randy.
This could be fun.
- That's ten thousand dollar s in twenties and fifties.
- Trailer park supervision is not easy.
Most people who try to succeed in this industry do not make the grade.
You will be tested mentally, physically and psychologically Questions? - I have a question.
What the fuck is this shit Write out directions for the fastest way to get to the liquor store How to get burma stains out of Kah-hay-ki pants? - It's khaki, it's a colour.
- Whatever, this is fucked, Lahey.
- Why don't you go home Rick - Why don't you fuck off.
You need some hypo-suction - Pens at the ready and go - This is stupid.
- I expect respect, I respect diligence, and I expect courtesy, and uh, Ricky doesn't have any of those.
Two, one.
Bags up boys.
Weigh in time.
- Oh, I didn't know the muffler counted.
That's not garbage, that's a recyclable.
- Bubbles.
Got it.
Jacob.
Got it.
- How did I do Mr.
Lahey? Did I win? - Let's just say you're no t going to make it, Trevor.
Ricky, somehow you won this event.
But don't let it go to your head.
Okay, boys! - A twenty-pound muffler in there.
- Next stop is two cycle engines.
This mower has been disabled Each applicant will have five minutes to find the problem and fix it.
- Hey J Rock.
Sixty, sixty-fiv e proof.
Good job boys.
- This is the shit, boy, you know what I'm saying? Straight up Russian connection in the house.
- Time's up Trevor.
Sorry, you've have been eliminated.
- What? - Eliminated.
Corey.
- I don't want this stupid job anyway.
- Then why did you apply Trevor? - Okay, Corey.
And go.
- Hey, wait up dude.
- Go fuck yourself Mr.
Lahey - Like I said boys, some jus t don't make the grade.
- Why is your crew fucking around getting drunk? - T man, what's going on, mother fucker? - Man, I had to test it out man.
- I left you in charge to do some shit, unload boxes - t - Guys unload the van.
Listen J Rock, Lahey doesn't know shi about this right now, but if he does, he's going to call the cop s and it's gonna be your ass, not mine.
And you're going to owe me ten grand.
- Okay, Ricky, shut her down Well, I didn't expect that but, okay.
Ricky, you had the best time , but the idle is a bit off so I'm making a five point deduction.
- Fuck off Lahey, the thin g is working perfectly.
- Bubbles, you came in secon d and Jacob Sorry bud, but you didn't make it.
- Right, so, uh, how are the interviews going? - Good.
- Randy, what the hell are you doing here? You're suspended.
Leave.
- See you Randy.
- Right, so who are you hiring - I'm just tallying up the scores now Barb.
This can't be right.
- Right.
Congratulations Richard, you are the new temporary relief assistant trailer par k supervisor.
- Thanks Barb.
- Fuck! Aw, it's my eyes holding me back.
When I was a little guy, I always thought maybe , I could be a space man or something when Igrew up t and go to space in a rocke but you got to be able to see really fucking good to do that job , and so they'd take one loo k at me and say "Uh, sorry sir you got to be able to see a little better than you".
I don't give a fuck.
- I'm sorry buddy.
- It's alright.
Congratulations Ricky.
- Thanks Bubs.
- You'll do a good job probably.
Cocksucker! - Right.
Richard, can you star t tomorrow morning, eight a.
m.
- Sure can.
This is awesome.
- Great.
Jim, make the arrangements .
Get him a uniform.
- Barb, don't do this to me.
- Jim! - This is Ricky.
Please don't.
- Shake his hand.
And this time, don't let your personal feelings interfere with your job.
- Obviously I can't assume Randy's position, you know what I'm talking abou t there, but looking forward to working with you and cleaning this fucking park up cause it looks like shit right now.
- Think you can handle it Ricky? - Absolutely.
- See you at eight o'clock tomorrow morning.
- I'll be here at seven thirty - Thanks again Barbara.
- Oh, you're welcome Jim.
- Rick! - Holy fuck.
- Ricky.
- Fuck off Lahey.
What fucking time is it, you dick? - It's 8:01, Rick.
Our work day begins at eight o'clock.
Rule number one.
Rule number two, I am the boss.
Rule number three, you get three strikes and then I can legally terminate you, do you understand? - Yes, I fucking understand.
- Good.
Rule number four, all temporary relief assistant trailer park supervisors will wear uniforms.
- I'm not wearing a fuckin g uniform.
- Oh yes you will.
You've already used up one strike.
Two more strikes and you're out.
I can't believe that he woul d want the job first of all.
You got one minute Rick.
Tempus fugit.
- Can't you see I'm in the middle of something What the fuck does tempus fuckit mean? - Ignorance is bliss, Rick , when it is folly to be wise.
- Fuck off.
- Thank you.
- I don't like this whole idea , but unfortunately I have to accept it until you fuck up two more times - Well, I don't plan on getting fired Mr.
Lahey I just plan on doing my jo b and doing it good.
- Strike two Ricky.
Smoking is only permitted on breaks.
You got fifteen minutes to clean up this garbage.
And Ricky? - What? - Don't forget the dog shit.
- I'm not cleaning up dog shit - You clean up strike thre e Ricky? - Fine, fuck.
- Fifteen minutes.
- Screwdriver, cut and blow dr and I get a free forty of vodka? - Yup.
- Who thought up that deal - It's a need to know basi s Randy.
- Julian's boot-legging in the park again, isn't he? - I didn't say that.
- Idiot.
- Why are you so stressed out? What's your problem? - Ah, I should just get drunk, since I've been suspended.
Barbara.
Bitch.
- All done, boss.
- Impressive Ricky.
I'm surprised.
- Can I have a cigarette now Mr.
Lahey? - Oh, I don't think so.
There's a rope and a hook in the trunk.
I want you to meet me down by the lake.
- Yes, Mr.
Lahey.
- Move.
- Boys here, I'm going to set you guys up with three bottles of vodka each.
As soon as you're finished selling these, I want you to go through J Roc k from now on.
I have nothing to do with this .
I'm keeping low key.
Nothing to do with this operation whatsoever.
Here's your float, and here's the calculator.
, You guys make sure you use this, because if you come back short you're going to be responsible .
Do you understand me? - I'm not stupid Julian.
- Yes, you are stupid.
That's why I have to tell you this.
s - Since you were responsible for throwing most of the ten speed stripped down in this lake , I think it's only right and fitting Ricky, that you should drag the lake.
- I haven't stolen a ten speed in over two years, Mr.
Lahey The only people stealing ten speeds now is Corey and Trevor - What the hell are you doing there Bubbles? - What? - What are you doing in the lake, Bubbles? - What's it look like I'm doing in the lake? I'm hauling shopping carts out , trying to make a living cause I didn't qualify for your stupid temporary relief assistant trailer park supervisor job.
- Sorry Bubbles.
- Rick, drag the lake.
- If I find any carts Bubbles, I'll give em to you, alright buddy? - Unhook the flukes.
- I would assume you would Good undercarriage there.
- I can't believe how many bikes are in this fucking lake.
That's the first bike I stol e for Trinity right there.
There's a lot of memories in this lake.
I think I'm going to leave this one in there for her, maybe when she's older I can take it out and show her again.
- Ricky! Ricky! - Ricky, it looks like we go t a major crime alert here.
It's a ten thirty five, bootlegging.
I want you to handle the arrest.
Can you do it? Move.
- Freeze! - What the fuck are you doing? - What's the fuck's going on here guys? - It's not what it looks like man.
Dave just owed us some money, we happened to drop off some booze for him.
- Really, where are you gettin g the booze? - Nowhere man.
That shit's ours, we do that on our own.
- Knock knock.
- Who's there? - Two stupid idiots not smart enough to be doing this on their own.
Who do you work for? - Nobody dude, we're free enterprise, man, I told you.
It's just me and him.
- Really, okay.
No problem guys.
- What are you doing? - Work for anybody now? - I don't know what's up with Ricky and this new weeken d trailer park supervisor job.
I'm a busy guy and all he' s doing is complicating things and I've got this ten gran d investing into these businesses and he's cruising around actin g like Mr.
Lahey and, I don't know, I think he's just doing it to piss me off.
- Go Corey, get the fuck out of here.
I'm keeping this.
- Ricky, what the hell's going on? Why are you letting them go? - Why bother with a couple of shit sticks when you can have the whole shit trowel there? - Nice shit analogy Rick.
I got another job for you.
I want you to find Bubbles , pull him over and fine him - I can't do that to Bubbles .
- Take the car.
You got a problem with tha t Rick? - License, registration an d insurance Bubbles, let's go.
Do you have any of that shit ? Do you have permits for this Your fucking cart is going all over the road.
It's dangerous.
It's a dangerous load.
Lahey's freaking out.
- Ricky, you gave me this cart - I didn't give you that fucking trailer to be hauling carts around like that! It's dangerous.
You're going to hurt somebody.
e - Oh yeah, the trailer was fin when I was hauling you off the street drunk though, taking you home and looking after you.
- I gotta give you this writte n warning Bubbles.
- Ricky, that's! Oh my God .
- I'm sorry.
- Ricky.
It's time to test your loyalty Ricky.
There's something going on up there.
I don't know what it is, but I want you to find out.
Ricky.
- What do you think is going on, Mr.
Lahey? - Ricky, do you know what this is? - It's a walkie.
- Yeah, it's a symbol Rick It's a symbol of your authorit y in this park.
It's Randy's.
I want you to be careful of it I want you to stay in contact with me, and get in touch with me in case I need to call the cops, you got that? I think they're bootleggin g up there Ricky.
If they are, I got em.
Ricky.
.
don't forget.
Your on my side now.
- Hey Rick.
- Knock knock, Julian.
- Who's there Ricky? - A bootlegger.
A bootlegger in this park.
And I hope it's not you Julian because that would be me in an awkwardly situation, wouldn't it? - What do you mean, putting yo u in an awkward situation Rick - I work for Lahey now, okay And I just hope it's you that's not involved, that's all I'm saying.
- Well I am involved, Ricky.
It's me doing it, you bonehead .
- Mr.
Lahey.
- Randy, do you mind? I'm on surveillance.
- I was just at the salon.
I've got something really important to tell you.
- Walkie check.
- Yeah, I copy that.
Do you need assistance, over - Negative, just a check.
- Copy.
- Who's walkie is Ricky using? - He's using the old one I found in the shed.
- That one crackles.
He's using my walkie.
The one you gave me for my birthday.
Do you remember that? My birthday.
- Randy, it's just a walkie.
- It's more than just a walkie , Mr.
Lahey.
- You're losing it buddy.
- Why? Because I'm not selling fucking dope and stuff.
So sorry.
I'm not losing it, am I Bubbles? - Well Ricky, I don't know.
You're dressed up like Mr.
Lahey.
I've never seen anything like that.
- He made me wear the uniform.
It's not my fucking fault.
- I don't know Ricky.
It's weird.
- Questioning is over.
I'm returning to base.
And requesting permission to smoke Mr.
Lahey.
- Smoke break buddy.
- Copy that.
- Careful with my walkie Rick.
- This is my walkie now Randy.
You got suspended remember So fuck off.
- It's still my walkie.
- No, I guess you didn't hea r what I said.
The first thing I said was it's my walkie now, the second thing was you're suspended, and the fourth thing was fuck off.
Alright, Julian is not involved.
He said Corey and Trevor are probably the ones bootlegging.
- Right.
- Holy fuck, I'm itchy.
I feel like I got a bumblebee bit e or something.
- Ricky.
You've been exposed to poison ivy.
- What, am I gonna die or something? - No, you're not going to die.
- What are you doing? - You gotta get this shirt off .
- Why? - I'm not selling vodka in this trailer park.
You got it? - That's not what I heard.
- Holy fuck boys, come here.
Look at this.
Lahey's taking Ricky's shirt off.
Look.
Julian, what's happening here? That's, that's pretty fucking crazy.
You alright Randy? - This is just a precautio n in case the cops come.
- Why would the cops come Julian? Ricky wouldn't do that to us, would he? - I don't know man.
He's working for Lahey, he's acting like a dick.
He's got no shirt on man.
- Mr.
Lahey! Mr.
Lahey! Julian's got shitloads of vodk a and he's bootlegging.
He's in charge of the whole thing.
- Bullshit! Get out of here Randy.
You've been fucking replaced remember.
Fucking asshole.
- Is Julian involved in bootlegging in this park? Trust Ricky.
- Randy is an idiot.
I told you, Julian has nothing to do with it.
Trevor and Corey mentioned something about vodka earlier, but that's it.
- Okay.
- Listen, he's totally friggin g lying Mr.
Lahey.
He's full of crap.
- George Green.
Jim Lahey.
- Julian! Hi there.
- Julian, man, just so you know, I didn't have a fucking thing to do with this.
Randy fucking talked to Lahe y and Lahey called the cops.
I'm sorry man.
- Don't worry about it Rick.
I didn't do anything wrong man - That's right.
- When did you get the pool? - Today.
- It's nice man, really nice - Jim, you bring me out here Do you think you could hav e a little something for me next time instead of this shirtless circus that's going on? Why don't you get a video camera or something? Do it right.
- George, he poured it all dow n the drain.
He was tipped off - Please! - Strike three Ricky, it is my duty and pleasure to inform you that you are fired.
Give me your walkie.
- I'm not fired, I fucking quit.
You want your walkie back? No problem.
Here Randy.
Why don't you go fucking get it.
- Ricky! - You just crossed the lin e Ricky.
- Randy! Cool it, Randy.
Stop it.
Jeez get our of there.
- What in the fuck! - Ten grand Ricky.
Gone.
Thanks man.
- That sucks.
You didn't include me in the plan for once, and things went to shit.
Now we gotta start breaking the law like crazy.
- Ricky, Ricky.
- I got no problem with that - Just stop talking for a minute Ricky, alright? - Boys, come sit down here for a minute.
, You guys go to jail frequently so here's what I've been thinking.
If you went to Ray's fridg e and took his pepperoni, he'd be fucking losing it, right? And he'd come after you, "Ricky, where's my pepperoni?" But if you go in there sometimes and take a bite out of it, you'd still get to eat pepperoni but Ray's not coming after you That's what you guys gotta d o with crime.
s Stop doing big fucking crime that cops are doing to notice right away.
Just do little ones, you know.
All kinds of little ones.
Steal barbeques.
Siphon gas.
You're still going to make a whole bunch of money.
- Diversification, low end crimes.
- Bingo.
Know what I mean Ricky? - Yeah, I understand, I think.
But maybe you should just explain it to me one more time - Alright, there's a fridg e that's full of pepperoni that you don't own.