Trailer Park Boys s06e01 Episode Script

Way of the Road

I got out of jail about two months ago.
Julian decided he was going to stay in jail, he was making really good money and I'm proud of him but I don't miss jail this time.
Working with my dad.
He got me into recycling.
It's not great money but it's not bad.
You know, we basically go around and people have their recycles out and they freak out, "Hey, what are you doing, taking my recycles?" and it's like "Hey, it's at the curb.
We own it, not you".
And I'm happy with that.
I think Lucy's proud of me too.
We're basically back together in my opinion.
Ricky and I are totally not back together.
He stays on the front lawn but he's not allowed in the trailer cause I got all these bees coming in with him and just, the smell is too bad, it's not attractive.
Well, I'm not allowed in the trailer.
Apparently there's a bit of a smell because of the recycles and there's fucking bees and hornets and wasps and shit everywhere but, she spent Friday night in my car.
We got drunk and stuff, so what does that mean? Lucy loves me and I love her.
Ricky and I have an understanding.
He's here for Trin and to help out with the lot fees, especially now that Barb's all freaked about that, fucking whore bitch.
And he and I hook up occasionally, but basically I want to keep my options open.
You know, like.
Lucy, do you want any of these Old Milawakenee cans with the red, put them up on the cupboards in the kitchen, that would look great.
No, that's cool but thanks.
If I need any, I'll come get one.
Oh I got lots here.
Great.
Thanks awesome.
Thanks man.
Fuck.
Fucker.
Ricky! Ricky! Rick! Ricky! Chill out, it's a bee.
I got stung by one of those bumble cock suckers again.
Do you have any of that bee suave? Salve? Lucy I'm going to work.
Gonna get drunk with the old man, alright.
Yeah, go ahead.
Nobody called did they? Any messages? You know what.
I'm not your secretary.
I'm not your mom.
And you don't even live here.
Get your friends to stop calling here.
Lucy, don't be like that.
Come on, my old man's going through a hard time.
He needs me right now.
Life is fantastic.
I'm telling ya, I've got everything I need now.
A lot of guys have a tough time when they get out of jail making a fresh start, but look I got, I got my truck sleeper, I own that.
I don't pay any lot fees.
Power from the trailer next door.
I got all the hot water I need.
Free cable.
Lahey doesn't know.
Randy doesn't know.
Me and Rick are making a great living doing the cans.
Bubbles is living back there with me, we got the whole family.
I mean, I, I feel like I'm the luckiest guy in the world.
I mean, so help me god.
Help my fuck, it's, life is great.
Tell me what you think of the rat wheel.
You like that? Is that going to be a hit? After some tense negotiations with Barb Lahey, I worked out a deal where I could move my shed on this lot and just pay half lot fees.
I mean, it's still a lot of money for me, but I've been managing it, just barely.
I've always wanted to open something called the "Kittyland Love Centre", a daycare centre for cats and I've always been too afraid because Mr.
Lahey and Randy would just ruin it on me with all the drinking and the craziness.
But I'm starting to think this is time.
Open up Kittyland.
It's over.
I'm breaking up with Mr.
Lahey.
I've tried everything with him but the drinking is out of control.
We tried the twelve steps.
I even drank with him, mixed his drinks.
Tried smoking some dope with him to quit the drinking but nothing seemed to work.
He's lost complete control of this trailer park and that's where I draw the line.
Mr.
Lahey, Mr.
Lahey.
What the hell happened? Where's the roof of our car? Wake up Mr.
Lahey.
Come on.
Come on Mr.
Lahey.
Morning Rand.
What happened to the car? Barb's going to freak.
Geez Rand, I don't remember shit.
What are we going to do boy.
You're going to watch this tape Mr.
Lahey.
I hope you see what you're really like when you're drunk.
It's over Mr.
Lahey.
I'm leaving you, for good.
Well, I'm sorry to hear about you and Jim.
If there's one thing I can relate to, it's trying your damnedest to make things work with that man.
It is not easy.
Barb? Yes Rand? The reason I stopped by is to tell you that I'll do anything to be the supervisor of this trailer park.
Randy, you didn't leave Jim just because you want to run the park! No Barb, it's because I care.
I've been watching Mr.
Lahey really closely for the last few years and I think I can do this.
Or I could put out some resumes to some other parks.
How can I prove it to you? Mr.
Lahey? Wake up Mr.
Lahey.
Hi Deputy Rand, how you doing? Nice day for the race.
What are you doing Rand? A little surveillance Mr.
Lahey.
Doing a little surveillance are you? Well, would you like a little show Rand? A little, little show, a little Lahey show? That would be nice wouldn't it.
Oh, check this one out.
I'm going to do a wrap around.
Oh fuck, look what you made me do Randy.
You want a show? When was that? I'll tell you what Randy.
There's uh, one particular trailer park resident who has got to go.
Go? That's right, go.
So if you can manage to make that happen, i.
e.
evict that person, then I'm going to know that you are up to the big challenge of running the park and I might see my way to making some kind of arrangement.
How does that sound? That sounds great.
Thank you Barb.
Uh, Randy? Look, look Randy.
I'm mowing the air Rand.
I'm mowing the air.
Geez! You're the best assistant trailer park supervisor anybody ever had.
You get up in the morning, and make me my coffee and you go to the Commission Rand.
Now! Fuck! Randy turn the fucking thing off.
You're embarrassing yourself boy.
I'm taping you Mr.
Lahey, so when you're straight, you can watch your little show here.
You pissed yourself Mr.
Lahey.
Officer uh, Ted Johnson, gave me his, um, his card.
And uh, it's his personal line if ever I should need him.
Now you know he call screens you and Jim for obvious reasons but if you tell him that I gave you this card and call that number, you might find that you get a little bit of help today.
Go slow Randy and don't be afraid to ask for help.
Thanks Barb.
Listen I've got some frozen burgers and I was wondering if I could put them in your freezer until I find a new place to live? Ray! Can you not throw your dirty old piss jugs around please? Hey Dad, got you some more piss jugs.
Oh excellent boy.
You're right on man.
Ray, there's got to be a better system than this peeing in jugs.
You're going to make Barb Lahey mad.
Barb doesn't care Bubbs, it's an empty lot.
It's not like they're right out in the open.
Don't worry about it.
Way of the road buddy.
Yeah, I don't know if you noticed or not Ray, but you're not on the road.
Your rig cab doesn't move an inch.
Way of the road, Bubbs.
Ray used to be on the road as a trucker and that's what truckers do.
They're driving along and they've got deadlines to meet, they don't want to pull in, park their truck, walk in, take a pee in the toilet and get back out and get on the road.
They just have an old jug.
And they put their bird in it, have a pee, cap it off and once it's full, they just drill the fucking thing out on the highway.
I mean, I don't agree with it.
I see where they're coming from, trying to make their deadlines, but Ray's been firing them all over the park, like he's still driving a truck.
Here buddy, get this into you.
I'm on my third.
We're getting fucking today.
Ricky! You're supposed to pick Julian up at jail.
He's been calling all morning.
Well, I didn't know.
I'm sure he's called Astronaut Cock and Snoopy the Fuckdog by now.
They'll take care of it.
Who's Astronaut Cock and Snoopy the Fuckdog? The counselors in jail said that we were too dependent on Ricky for our happiness and that that was a bad thing.
They also said that he was like a father to us or something.
Yeah.
Then they told us that we had to think more for ourselves.
So we did, and now we have a store.
And it's ours.
Like it's all ours.
It's Sarah's too, but it's mostly ours.
Well, Corey and Trevor have been out of jail for a little while and I'm really encouraging them to branch out on their own.
One of the things that I think is important for them is that they have something from within to give them self-respect so they're not constantly looking for approval from Ricky and Julian.
So they've started their own convenience store, and I think that's gonna really do a lot for their self-esteem.
It's a pretty big accomplishmet for me to be running a store cause growing up in the park, I always looked up to the guys that were running the store.
Almost as much as I looked up to Ricky, but you know, that didn't turn out to be a good thing.
The counselor said I was dependent on him and that I shouldn't do that.
So I was like, well I'll take a negative and turn it into a positive and become a store, a store owner like all the guys I looked up to as a kid.
Morning gentlemen.
Did you see Randy about? No dude.
But I heard you broke up with the cheeseburger walrus? Onion ring sasquatch! You better step off Mr.
Lahey.
Step off where Trevor? Shit ledge.
Excuse me! What the hell is Stop acting hard in the store Mr.
Lahey! Sarah! Excuse me! Trevor! Trevor, drop him.
Stay there.
These guys were juxtaposing unusual animal names and greasy fat food products, calling Randy names.
Is that true, you were calling Randy names? I called him a cheeseburger walrus.
I called him an onion ring sasquatch cause he is! Hey.
You guys stop it right now! Mr.
Lahey.
Look we'll give you whatever you want on the house, okay? What can I get you? Couple of packs of smokes.
Two of packs of smokes, let's go.
Do you want some matches, Mr.
Lahey? Shove em Trevor.
Jail has been awesome this time.
Like I'm saying, it's been so good I decided to stay a couple of extra months.
It turns out that two of the prison guards used to go to high school with me so basically I've been able to do whatever the hell I want to in here.
Let's go, let's go.
So, I took this online real estate course, started making potato vodka and I sold a shitload.
Like after paying the capper and the pumper, I cleared eighty-six hundred bucks.
Alright guys, as soon as it's gone, it's gone.
I'm going home today.
So when I get out today, I'm going to take every cent I got and invest it in real estate.
I'm going to buy and sell property.
And make a shitload of money.
Like I'm talking serious money.
Retirement money.
And it's all legal.
Hello? Corey and Trevor speaking.
Hey Julian.
I was so proud of Corey and Trevor today.
Julian called from jail and asked them to come pick him up which normally they wouldn't be able to say no to, and they said no, right away.
They didn't even ask.
So it looks like Julian's going to have to find a couple of suckers in the park to do his dirty work.
Fuck, I didn't think anybody was going to pick me up.
Right on boys.
Hop in man.
Julian, I got two special ladies I want you to meet, you know what I'm saying.
This here is Erin and that's Rhonda, you know what I'm saying.
Jules, check it out.
I'm going to be a dad, ma-fucker, not once but two times, dawg, two times.
Congratulations man.
Thanks ma-fucker, you know what I'm saying.
Shit's changing B.
What do you mean? Hey, you ladies want to roll inside for a minute while I talk to Jules, you know what I'm saying.
Peace out.
Peace out little ma-fck.
Peace out.
Alright there.
Peace out, peace out little ma-fuck.
Take care of those little ma-fcks.
Aight! Jules, I'm going to have to leave the rap game dawg straight.
See I told you man, serious man.
You serious? Yeah man.
Dead serious dawg.
It's a sad day, but he knows what he gotta do.
Raise his kids, try and become a man.
Now I needs scrilla cause I got big responsibilities up my candy, don't I? I needs scrilla you know what I'm saying for formula, high chairs, you know what I'm saying, strollers for those little ma-fuckers once they born, once they drop.
Barb all up my grill talking bout how I'm behin in my lot fees, she going to kick me out of the park.
Calm down man, relax man, relax.
No, it's going to be aight, I know everything's going to be aight, but right now it's just hord! You own me fifty bucks dawg.
For what? Bam! Uh, what?! Bam! Made a spoiler for you dawg! J Roc, it's made out of hockey sticks and a piece of wood.
Yeah, but it's ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tight! And it's eight hours custom man? Saying, you down? You feeling it? Yeah, I guess so.
Aight! Then holler at me with some scrilla and I guess we tight.
Fuck, I'll give you twenty bucks.
Aight! Fucking bee Ricky.
Fucking bee, get it Ricky.
Get it, get that fucker.
How are you buddy? Julian! Hey Bubbs! Hey buddy! How was jail? Really good Rick.
Listen Julian, do you want to get some money together for a trailer, come work with me and the old man.
We made seventy bucks last week recycling.
Seventy bucks each? No, thirty bucks each, but it was easy.
Really easy.
Ray, that doesn't add up.
Moving on bud.
Well, thanks for the offer Rick but I made eighty-six hundred bucks in jail.
What! Yup, selling vodka.
Holy sweet fuck Julian, that's a lot of cake.
So I'm going to get into real estate boys.
I'm going to buy a few trailers, fix them up, sell em, make a few bucks.
Got it all figured out.
We should get drunk later and celebrate.
That's incredible.
Congratulations.
Sounds good Rick.
Actually, I gotta go talk to Lahey anyway.
Get a new trailer.
So after that, we're getting drunk.
I don't know if you want to go talk to Lahey today.
Why? Him and Randy broke up today.
What? Over the liquor.
It's serious this time too because Randy cleared out the freezer of all his burgers.
So who's supervising the park then? Barb, I guess.
Which basically means we can do whatever the fuck we want now.
Hey Rand.
We have to talk bud.
Where are you going to live? Not with you, that's for sure.
What are you doing talking to Barb? None of your business.
Frig off Mr.
Lahey.
Hey, welcome back sexian.
I mean, Julian.
Is everything okay Randy? None of your bees wax Julian.
But know this, things are going to be a lot different around here from now on.
A lot different.
Hey, hey, listen, I didn't come here to fight okay.
Chill out.
So, I bet you're glad to be back on the park Julian, but you know what? You're looking good.
You obviously did some working out in prison, those muscles.
Yeah, a little bit.
But I got my real estate diploma in there.
Oh really? So I want to get into real estate.
So, I'm looking for a trailer and a lot.
Nothing fancy, you know.
Something I can fix up, move into for a little while, sell and make some money.
Anything available.
Oh, I'm sure we can come up with something.
But I would need the money upfront, I'm sure you appreciate that.
Oh, of course.
This should be enough for a trailer and here's one year's lot fees.
So when can this happen? Well, as a matter of fact, there's a trailer coming up this afternoon.
There's some issues with the lot, but I'm sure we can sort something out.
Thanks for coming down.
Look, Mr.
Lahey is not the reason that I called.
It's I just need some help with, look, the whole park it's going to shit and I didn't really know what to do and I'm really sorry for calling your personal line.
Randy, you know, it's alright.
Just relax.
I've already talked to Barb.
She told you about the eviction? Yeah, she did.
And she also told me to tell you that you can't be trailer park supervisor and the assistant supervisor just doesn't have the authority to do an eviction.
But, she did tell me you can be associate trailer park supervisor.
That's a promotion.
Right on! And uh, I heard you broke up with Jim Lahey and I gotta say, good for you.
I don't know how you put up with that guy for so long.
It was really tough Officer.
Hey, why don't you call me Ted? And Randy, you know, I can relate.
I just went through a bad break up myself.
Somebody I work with down at the station for years.
But I'm doing good now.
You look good.
Thanks Randy.
Now let's go do this eviction.
His name is Duke.
And he is a good cat.
Cops, cops.
There's Randy with no pants on.
Julian, there's your new trailer.
Ray, you're a squatter, you don't pay your lot fees, you stole your hydro, you been playing loud music, and you been throwing around these urine containers all over the park.
As Associate Trailer Park Supervisor, I am here to inform you, you are evicted from Sunnyvale, effective immediately.
What the fuck are you talking about? You can't evict him.
You don't have fucking authority to evict him Randy.
Frig off! What kind of a cop lets a man with no shirt and no pants into his police cruiser? I think it's just a scare tactic.
Cause who wants to grab a hold of Randy when he's just in his underwear, then there's just that one piece of fabric separating you from his, from his package.
Cause I mean, when he has his pants on, he can only get his legs so far apart and he's, doesn't have that much balance.
But when he's in his underwear, you know, he can get like a football player and he's hard to knock over then.
Big coagulated gravy hot dog bun bastard.
You're not evicting me.
I'm leaving, you hear me buddy.
You think I want to stay here.
You know what makes the park great buddy? It's the people.
You can't treat people this way pal.
I don't want to stay here.
You're going to turn Sunnyvale into Shittyvale, you and fucky the drunk clown, you hear me? I don't agree with kicking Ray out of the park.
I mean, I do see the point that the trailer park has here that Ray doesn't pay lot fees and he lives in a old rig sleeper there, he's basically a squatter and he does throw a lot of piss jugs around.
Nobody enjoys those.
You know something buddy? Oh fuck, that's great.
You know what, I'm going to a much better place than this anyway.
You know, you wouldn't even understand it.
It's close to hospitals, churches, the L.
C.
, it's luxury beyond your wildest dreams pal.
You know, you think you've done okay for yourself don't ya.
Yeah, go climbing the social ladder.
Gone from drunk male prostitute to associate trailer park supervisor.
You'll pay for this Randy.
Way to go, Mr.
Ambitious! Randy! Frig off Randy! When my dad got kicked out of the park, I was really pissed off.
But I talked to him about it and he's actually pretty cool with the whole idea.
I got a truck coming to get his rig sleeper and all of his stuff.
And I guess he found this great place, lots of nature and animals running around.
And a lot of open space and he says he's got free cable and everything's included with his rent and his rent's really cheap I guess.
I just can't wait to check it out, it sounds like he's got a really, really nice place to live.
That feels pretty level Dad.
Think that's got it buddy.
Listen, thanks for the tow.
I really appreciate it.
No problem.
You sure you won't come back to the park? No.
Not as long as those two dicks are there.
Lahey and Randy running the place, I'm never coming back Rick.
Alright.
Well, I gotta take off.
Okay buddy? - You okay? - Yup, fine.
Listen Ricky.
Don't tell anyone I'm living at the dump okay.
You got it Dad.