Trailer Park Boys s10e07 Episode Script

Up in Smoke We Go

Look at this! We've been going through inventory like crazy, we haven't been paid a fucking cent yet, and you still don't have the wedding money! What the fuck, Ricky? If you can't get the money back from Julian, I'll get it myself and you'll fucking regret it! I'll get it, Lucy! I said I'd fucking get it, and I'll fucking get it! Jesus Christ.
Julian, get the fuck up right now! Get out here, man! You too, Bubbles! Wake the fuck up! Jesus! Ricky, what in the name of the Easter Bunny's fluffy white cock are you doing firing toasters at me? Boys.
This resort cannot have dope be all-clusively.
It's fucking bullshit to me and my family.
Ricky, would you calm down.
Everything's under control.
No, I'm not going to calm down.
This is fucking ridiculous.
I need the wedding money back right now.
Go get it! Do whatever you have to.
I don't care The customers pay when they leave, okay? That's the deal.
Nobody's left yet.
Fine, then.
You two, you're going to have to get me the money back the old-fashioned way.
We're doing a fucking job.
Ricky, we're not doing that.
Bubbles, you promised this wouldn't come between us and it is.
You fucking owe me this.
What are you, scared? A little buck, buck, chicken, winner, dinner, dinner? Who? You.
Me? I don't get scared.
I'm not scared.
I'll do it if he will, but you probably won't.
Nice.
Real fucking nice.
Oh, well, I'll do it by myself.
Nice fucking friend you are.
Julian, we can't let him.
Ricky, stop.
Okay, you've got both of us for the rest of the day.
Whatever you want to do, we'll do.
Will that make you happy? You're serious? Whatever the fuck you want to do.
Robberies, guns, doesn't matter.
Look, just, hang on now, let's All right.
Fuck's sakes But you two are on fucking slim ice.
What the fuck is that? Oh, my fuck! No fucking way! - Holy fuck, boys! - It's Snoop Dogg! Snoop Dogg's here! Holy fuck, I'm freaking out! Snoop Dogg! Bubbles, what it do, baby? What are you doing here? Man, shit, I seen you on Jimmy Kimmel last week and I heard about that all-smoke casino.
Shit, I had to get out here right away.
No fucking way! Oh, shit.
Unfortunately the casino's closed today.
We've got a bunch of shit to do.
What? No, the casino's open.
What the fuck is wrong with you? It's Snoop Dogg! Bubbles, hit this shit.
All the way from California, baby.
My God, one of Snoop Dogg's real joints! Take your time.
Yes, sir.
I'll hit that shit.
There you go, Slick Rick.
I can't believe it! Getting' high as fuck with Snoopy Doggie Dogg Dogg! Just Snoop.
Right on, man.
That's way easier.
Yes, sir.
- All right, boys.
- Bar's open.
Let's go! Hey, Bubbles, I want you to check out my lady friends.
Look at them.
Come on in here, girls.
Hey! Look at the shit on that critter.
Oh my God Yeah, all you, baby.
Let's go get it.
- Come on, Bubbles.
- I can't believe it! Fuck, Snoop Dogg's here! We're in Sunnyvale fucking trailer park! I've seen every episode of your show, man! It's even shittier in real life! I love it! No fucking way! Doug fucking Benson, man! What are you doing here? Hey, how's it going, man? Respect, dude.
That's some fucking set of lungs on you.
Thanks.
Where's the weed at? Come with me.
All right.
Fuckin' cool clothes, man.
Oh thanks, buddy.
That'll get you started.
Oh, thank you, sir! Oh, my God, Doug! We are in the presence of greatness.
This is literally the dumbest man on television in the mesh! The saying is "in the flesh", but he always fucks everything up and he'd say, "in the mesh" or "in the fresh" or something even stupider.
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
Have you ever heard the expression "Fuck off"? How you think I'd say that, dickhead? Let me give you a little hint.
Something like this.
F-O-kee-cay-O-F, fuck off! Oh, my God! This is amazing! Hey, Snoop.
That joint, is that just weed in that? 'Cause my legs are like jello.
How do you function with this stuff? Lot of practice, baby.
Come on, I'll show you.
Oh, my God, I don't We're just getting started, Bubbs.
All right.
Blap blap brrrrrrrrah! Ray! Tell me you're here to sign a mafk.
Tssk, yeah, just what I need on my label.
A bitch that look like John Denver.
Okay, you clownin', hah? 'Cause what else would you be doin' up in this mafker righ hurr if it wasn't for me? Know what I'm sayin'? Straight up, legend to legend, dawg.
Hey man, who the fuck is this liquid paper-coloured motherfucker? Snoop, this is J-Roc.
He's also a rapper.
Actin' like you don't know.
That's how we doin' thangs? N'aight then, n'aight.
Oh, my God! It's the fucking shitmobile! Oh my God, the shittiest piece of automobile on the fucking planet! No way that thing still runs.
What? Are you kidding me? It runs like a tap.
Like a tap You are so not smart.
It's great! You better fuck yourself.
Hey, how much to take it out for a spin? Fifty bucks, you can knock yourself out.
Really? Keep the change.
I will.
It's out of gas, too, so you'll have to deal with that.
I don't give a fuck.
Okay.
Well, that's one thing off my bucket list! Hey, Bubbs! Take fucking noodle-nut Jim here for a ride in the shitmobile.
Make sure he doesn't fuck-tify the car up.
Oh, my God! Bubbles is going with me? Oh, my God, that's so Come on, buddy He's all cranked up on something.
It's great! Snoop, come check out my casino, man.
Oh man, I got to get to the Drugs Store, you know what I'm sayin'? I do, dawg.
Probably more than any mahfucker up in here, y'know I mean? Want me to roll wit' you right quick? J-Roc, chill.
I'll take you over, Snoop.
Fucking Lucy'd love to meet you.
Want to roll by my crib, dawg? Hit me on the hip, hah? You know what? I'mma holler at you when I want to come by and watch Family Feud or a motherfuckin' episode of M A S H.
Yeah, but M A S H was tight though, ain't it? Hah? Hi, Rand! What's going on, Mr.
Lahey? I need you to help me get some dirt on Julian.
No can do, Mr.
Lahey.
I'm staying out of this shit.
But, Randy, you don't understand.
It's bad! Barb's got me by the short and curlies.
She's holding a secret over me and she's going to expose it, unless I play balls with her and help her with her Julian shit Tell me the secret and I'll tell you if I can help you out.
No can do, Randers.
Neither can I! Listen, it happened a long time ago, Randy! It's going to fucking ruin a lot of people's lives unless you help me.
Look, I'm begging you, bud! You're wasted, aren't you, Mr.
Lahey? No, no, Randy.
I'm right in the pocket, bud.
Blow.
Blow on your machine, then.
Pathetic! It must be the batteries.
I'm not wasted, Randy! Yeah, like I haven't heard that before! Look, I swear I'm not fucking wasted! Piece of shit.
Oh, wow! This is crazy! This is so historical, it's it's art! Oh, I don't want to touch anything and make it clean.
Oh, you can see through the floorboards! That's Oh, yeah, that rotted out years ago.
Oh, my gosh! And Ricky lives in this car sometimes? Oh, yeah, he loves it in here.
Yeah? You know, all the cigarette lighters.
Yeah? And this is how he showers? Yeah, sometimes.
Yeah.
Sometimes he just lets her drop, you know.
Yeah, okay.
Well, you know, I'd love to go haul some shopping carts with you if you're interested.
Well, if you want to, we could probably do that.
We could do a 50-50 split on anything we make.
No, no, no.
You keep all the money.
It's just something on my list.
I've got to do it.
I never turn down free labour.
Let's do Just wait.
Maybe we can make a deal.
Okay.
I'm playing at the Legion tomorrow in the open mic contest.
If you guys aren't doing anything, maybe you and Snoop and Doug could come and see me.
Maybe No.
That sounds lame.
Sorry, we can't.
I'm fucking with you! Of course, we'll be there! I'll talk to Snoop! I'll talk to Doug! I've never even been to a legion! Of course we're going to be there for you! My God! Oh, decent! Decent! My bird's doing that! Of course it is! Man, Lucy's going to be so excited to meet you.
She's wanted to bang you since Ginger Juice came out.
Are you sure it's cool for me to meet her today? Of course, man, me and Lucy are tight.
Lucy, are you in here? Ricky, shut the fuck up! You're going to wake up the baby.
If you don't have any money, fuck off.
Lucy, I'll fuck off in a minute.
Look, there's someone here I want you to meet.
You make me look like a dick.
Get out here! Are a dick, Rick.
Lucy, please.
There's someone here I want you to meet.
They need a bunch of stuff.
Can you please come out and get it? Just get it yourself.
I don't know where the fuck you keep everything these days.
You never let me in here.
Jesus Fucking Lucy? What the fuck! Oh, fuck! Will you two please calm the fuck down? You just woke Moe up! It's Snoop? It's fucking Snoop.
Please just come over here and get my friend here what he needs! How you all doing? Hi.
Sunnyvale's finest, huh? Hi.
It's a pleasure to finally meet you beautiful ladies.
Ooh-wee.
Um, would you like anything? Actually I want a little bit of everything and, um, put it all in one big bag 'cause we're going to blow the roof off of Sunnyvale tonight, baby.
Oh, yeah.
A little bit of everything? Like, everything everything? Everything.
Everything.
Put some of everything in the bag, man.
Okay, I mean, as awesome as that sounds, I mean, that much can't be all-inclusively all included.
That's fucking crazy.
Look, man, that's why the fuck I came, right? Oh, my fuck! No, I'm just fucking with you.
Put it on my tab.
Yeah, okay.
You're going to pay for all this? I'mma pay for it, baby.
Man! I pay like I weigh.
You understand me? We're going to have some fun tonight, Rick.
Don't you worry about a motherfucking thing.
Fuck, we'll give you whatever you want.
What kind of fun are you guys going to be getting into? Some real, grown, groovy, shooby-dooby, after the movie, Shaggy and Scooby, snooby-dooby fun.
I like movies.
Yeah, baby.
Yeah, we could put on Coalminer's Daughter And Son.
Oh-h Yeah, let you watch some of that.
What y'all gonna do about that baby in the back? Anybody gonna get little Moe? Oh, yeah! You should go go see.
You want me to deal with Moe? Go see the You know, you're so good with him and Yeah, go ahead and check him out.
So, Snoop, do you like do you like this? Do you want this? I like it Yeah, I really want Yes.
Do you want me to give that to you? Yes, I like the way you hold that.
Leslie! It's me, Jim Lahey! What can I do for you, Jim? How's that tent working out? Leslie, I'm in the middle of a battle right now.
I could really use your help, buddy.
Jesus Christ, Jim, you're drunk.
It smells like single malt scotch.
Oh, good call.
You're right.
But I'm not drunk.
I have a machine I've got a little machine I'm sorry, Jim, but I do need you off the premises.
I have customers here.
Jim, you have a horrible disease.
And I wish that I could help you but unfortunately I'm still struggling with my own demons.
Leslie, what kind of soldier doesn't answer the call of duty? You're a goddamn war hero! I was no war hero, Jim.
I was a private and a medic.
You're a doctor? Goddammit, Jim, I'm no doctor! I was a nurse.
And a drunk.
Now please leave.
Go home.
Get sober! Suit yourself, nurse.
Nurse Batshit! Nursey Nursey Batshit! Randy! Randy! Oh my gosh! It's the gutappotamus in his natural flabitat! Frig off! Bubbles, what the frig's going on? Hey, man, please take a picture of this.
Just relax, Randy.
Oh, my gosh, oh my gosh, it's bigger than I thought it was in real life and it's super, super greasy! Oh, my gosh! Don't Here, Don't touch me! You've got to punch in your code.
Just because you're on "The Price Is Right" doesn't mean you can be a dick.
Right.
Well, I am Drew fucking Carey, after all! Hey! And guess what? Randy, you're the next contestant on: "The Pants Are Too Tight!" Yeah! Get the frig out of here, Bubbles.
This is bullshit.
Frig off! Well, we're done anyway.
Okay, thank you.
Is there a restaurant up in here? I've got to get something to eat! Put some of these in your hand.
Ohh, these gummies should tide me over.
Yes sir.
Until I can get a steak or some shit.
So, Snoop, what's your game, man? I can set you up at any table you want.
Uh, I think I'mma spin a few blunts and roll my dice with some of them bitches over there, man.
Ay, Snoopy Snoop? This here my boy Flurry, hah! He an MC too just like us, y'know I mean? Go ahead, boy, spit some shit for that man.
No, Dad Come on, mafk, don't be a mafk.
Bitch.
What you got there, li'l man? "Charlotte's Web.
" I got a book report due tomorrow.
Wilbur and shit? That pig was dope.
You down with Charlotte's Web? Charlotte's Web Catches things.
Just like flies Look out.
Here comes the Charlotte web.
Yeah, that's pretty tight.
That's tight.
You want to hear me? Let me see.
Okay.
I rap like a beast Can you feel the heat.
When I do my math I never like to cheat Uh.
Yeah, that was dope.
That was fly.
I can dig that.
Y'all two want to hear me right quick? No.
N'aight.
Uh we gonn' bust.
Yeah, do that.
Sayin'? We gonn' bust Just the two of us Get on the bus A'ight then, we out.
Finding the right amount of sativa and indica and vitamins and liquor I mean, hasn't been easy but I got a feeling this is going to be the fucking one.
It's looking pretty fucking tasty.
Hey, Dad.
Hey, sweetie.
I think I finally got the formula perfectioned.
That's awesome.
Uh, what happened to all the weed in the store? We sold it.
Really? That's amazing! Yeah, I know.
So we got the money back? We can finally get you a wedding dress.
Hang your fucking horses, Jacob.
We don't have the money yet.
It's on credit.
We're going to have it soon.
As soon as we have it, I promise you, you're going to have the biggest, bestest, sparkliest dress in the whole of the world.
Come on, Trin, don't look like that.
When have I ever let you down? Well lately? Dad, we're getting married in a few weeks.
I can't get married if I don't have a wedding dress.
I know.
Seriously! Trin Sorry, Trin, it's not my fault! Fucking That's a fucking Here, let me get that cocksucker.
Drag that whore in! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, look at that.
What do you think? That's a fucking that's a 2100 series.
What's it worth, do you think? Well, I mean Wheels and bearings are still good.
It hasn't been in there long 'cause there's no rust.
Yeah.
Still got the fucking flapper on it.
That's that's 23 bucks.
Oh, shit! I thought today was going to be a shit-show, you know, and Tom said he wanted to go hauling carts.
I thought oh, yeah, I'll be fucking babysitting him.
You know, fancy guy from Hollywood.
Then it starts raining horse cocks and I mean, normally I'd pack it in 'cause, you know, it gets dangerous, you could get blasted with lightning.
But he was a trooper.
He wanted to stay out and the next thing you know, he throws out the claw and he gets a fucking Perfect condition.
He's a fucking natural.
This is a perfect day! Look at the weather, it's perfectly shitty! It's exactly like I dreamed it! Come on, load it up! Load it up! Yeah, load 'er up.
All right! You're all cranked up on something, are you? Let's go buy some cocks of pepperoni! Look at that.
She's not a bad one.
Beautiful! Do you need help unloading it? Oh, no.
I can deal with that dirty bitch.
Okay.
Well, it's been a perfect day, hasn't it? It is perfect.
Perfect! All right! Julian! Get the fuck over here! You too, Bubbles! I'm serious, you fucking dicks! Get the fuck over here now! What is going on, Ricky? Are you okay? No, I'm not fucking okay! What's up, man? I'm kind of busy.
Oh, you're busy, are you? My daughter's in there, really upset over this fucking wedding money bullshit and I don't blame her.
Lucy's losing her fucking mind.
Says if I don't have $1,000 cash, can't get back in the fucking trailer.
So you'd better find it right the fuck now! Rick Don't fucking "Ricky" me! You guys promised me! Even you, Bubbles! And you fucked me! Listen, Rick.
Snoop and Doug are up there gambling right now.
They've got wads of cash on the table.
You're going to get your fucking money tonight, man.
I promise you.
See, Ricky? All right.
I'm fucking trusting you guys.
Julian You've got to be fucking kidding me.
Good luck dealing with this shit, Julian.
What the fuck do you want? Oh, hello to you too! Uh, I just stopped by to make sure that you weren't destroying my park before I get it back, Julian.
Randy, what the fuck? I told them they weren't allowed in the park, Julian, but this bitch almost ran me over.
Hey, hey! What did you just call me? Whatever the frig I want to call you.
Pffft! I'm sick of getting pushed around by you three bitches! 'Kay, Randy, what you going to do about it? Do you want a fucking piece of this? Well, maybe I do.
No, he doesn't.
Come on, calm down, you guys.
Randy, you don't got to take your pants off.
Fight, Candy! Come on! You want some of this? Do you want some? This place is a motherfuckin' trip! Hey, y'all, we takin' bets! Yeah! Randy versus What's your name, baby? Candy.
Okay, Candy.
I got 200 on candy.
I got 400 on Candy.
Who's got money on Randy? Holy shit, the fucking rumours are true! Fire up that camera! Who's got money on Randy? Come on! I'm Steve Rogers here at the Sunnyvale trailer park where one of the biggest music icons in the industry is here No, no, no Hey, put the camera down! Steve, what the fuck? This is private property.
Oh, my God! Come on, Julian It's that Channel 10 news dick! You're the one who gave everybody crabs! How are you doin', buddy! Thanks a lot.
Come on, Julian! Snoop.
Snoop.
Snoop Steve.
No, no, no Look, I'm a huge fan.
You wouldn't mind answering a couple of questions, would you? For Channel 10 Get the fuck off my property! Our viewers they'd fucking lose their minds.
Just a short interview.
I love giving interviews to small guys like yourself.
Y'all actually give a fuck.
Let's go.
Let's get it.
Ah, it's great.
Steve Rogers here at Sunnyvale trailer park with internationally-acclaimed recording artist, Snoop.
Snoop, how are you enjoying your time here? Are these people treating you well? Say, man, this is one of the best places in the motherfucking world, man.
Disneyland ain't got shit on this place here, man.
Personally, if I could move here and buy this place shit! I would.
Hey! I would too, man! We love it here! We'd like to film "Soul Plane 2" here.
Let's get it started.
Yes, sir! Will you guys break it up! - You go, girl! - Get off him! Julian! Lucy! Lucy! Where in the Get fucking off me! Julian, where the fuck is the wedding money, huh? You're going to have it tonight, Lucy.
Oh, yeah? You think that just because you've been running here for so long, you think you can just walk over fucking me! Hey-hey-hey No! Ricky, would you control her? - He can't control me! - Well, it's your fuck-up.
Not my problem, is it? What the fuck are you talking about? You said you'd have the money, it wasn't yours to take.
You're going to have the fucking money tonight, I said! I've answered all your questions, Steve.
Now you going to give me some space.
Hey Julian, I thought you said this place was gated and shit, man.
Steve, I told you guys to leave.
Leave! Get out of here! Must be fucking proud of yourself, huh? You fucking home-wrecker! What the fuck was I thinking? Fuck all of you! Okay, enough, Lucy! I'm fucking sorry! I trusted Julian and Bubbles and realize that was a big fucking mistake.
They fucked me like a pack of dogs trying to fuck a horse! - You know what? - Fuck it.
I'll go rob a place right now and make this right.
By myself, right, dicks? Ricky, man, come on.
No, Julian! Fuck off! What kind of a friend borrows his best friend's daughter's wedding money and doesn't fucking pay it back? Piece of fucking shit friends! You know what? You hang out with these guys, so you are a fucking piece of shit! She can't even buy a fucking wedding dress, man.
You know what? We're done.
Fuck yourself.
And you too, Bubbs! I don't need this fucking bullshit! - Come on.
- Lucy, if I don't go to jail, I'll be back with your money in a half an hour.
Thanks, boys! Thanks a lot! Rick, Rick, Rick, man! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I hear that right? You borrowed Trinity's wedding money and you didn't pay it back? Yeah.
They fucked our friendship forever over fucking money! That's real, real nice, guys! Wait! How much money are we talking about? A lot.
$1,000.
It only costs $1,000 for a fucking wedding in this town? Are you shitting me? I have literally spent millions of dollars on weddings.
Oh, my God, we can't let $1,000 ruin what you guys have! Seriously? Seriously.
I'm having a great time! I should be a part of the wedding! You are a good fucking guy.
Oh, thanks, buddy.
That means a lot.
Not like you two dicks! Okay Thank you so much.
I don't even know Oh, you bet.
Okay All right.
I'm sorry.
Okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
Ricky, you're a goddamn lucky man.
I know I am.
Randy, you fucking bitch! Tap out! Finish this motherfucker off, Candy.
All right, break it up, break it up, you guys! Randy, tap out! Tap out, Randy! Randy, you're fighting a woman! Tap out! - Kick his ass! - Choke his ass out! Tap out! Yeah, choke his ass out.
This motherfucker's over, man.
Pay up, man.
Y'all pay up.
Randy, that was pathetic! Nice to meet you, though.
My girl Candy beat your ass! He got beat up by a girl.
All right, Steve, Barb, get the fuck out of my trailer park! Roc-pile, escort these motherfuckers out of here.
Relax, Julian.
We're leaving.
What? Did she break your arm, Randy? No, it's all right, Bubbs.
Oh, shit, Randy, you got a woody? Whoa-ho-ho! Hey, Randy, you're going to need a lot more wood than that for a woman of that size! I speak from experience.
What's in your sack, Randy? Put your balls away! Yeah! Yeah! What are we going to do now, Snoop? Let's go get drunk! Yeah! We're getting there! There's no turning back now 'cause I'm invoking the Liquor Measures Act of 1944, signed by Dwight D.
Eisenhower and Jack Daniels.
We're taking this up a notch to 0.
20.
Got her, bud! Hey, Leslie! Leslie, bud! You'll never guess what happened! Big news, bud! What is it, Jim? I'm back on the liquor.
And soon you will be too, bud! Not a chance, Jim.
I'm not drinking that.
Oh, yeah? Guess what.
You fucking well are.
Drink.
God help us all.
Man, what's up with Randy walking around this mothafucka half-naked with his shirt off? He's allergic to fabric, man.
What? Fabric allergic, what, from the stomach up? What about the waist down? It's just his stomach and shit, man.
Every time he puts his shirt on, he breaks out this crazy fucking red rash, man.
It's insane, man.
So, yeah, man, like, you were talking to that news guy.
You said something about, you know, you'd buy Sunnyvale, if you could.
Was that for real? It was, but I just don't invest in small bars or restaurants.
It's too much of a risk for me.
Think Tom and Doug could be interested? They just might be.
Let me Let me see what I can do.
See if I can holler at them and, uh You get that paperwork together and we'll see what it do.
So you want to? You want to Exactly.
You want to get the Yeah? All right.
I'll talk to my fucking lawyer, man.
Right fucking on! Let's celebrate.
Here's one for you.
And one for me.
It's fucking awesome.
Here's to Munnyvale.
Here's to Munnyvale.
Up in smoke we go.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck! Fuck off! Jesus Christ! Fuck.
Fuck off.