Trailer Park Boys: The Animated Series (2019) s01e02 Episode Script
The Pepperoni Cobra
1 Bubs, just calm down and have a drink, man.
I don't want a fuckin' drink, Julian! I'm gonna snap! It's been a week.
What if we never come down from this shit? Okay, what if we don't? So what? What do you mean, so what? I mean, so what if we never come down? What's really different? Oh, other than the fact that we're fuckin' cartoons, living in Cartoonland, high on fuckin' drugs, what's different? Yeah, you're still you, I'm still me, we're still living at the park, and we still have each other's back, no matter what, right? I guess so, but-- We're still the same people, man, still family.
Nothing's ever gonna fuckin' change that.
Come here.
Bubs, come here, who's got your belly? Come on.
Look, we're gonna be all right, man, okay? All right, I guess so.
Thanks, Julian.
Know what? I'm actually diggin' the way we are now now.
I have been banging the hottest strippers I've ever banged in my entire life this past week.
It's amazing.
Oh, you're banging cartoon strippers with your big cartoon wiener, are ya? -That's nice.
-Fuck yeah.
It's way easier to pick up than it used to be.
Let's go down there right now.
I'll show you.
Come on.
Boys, I don't know what the fuck is going on, but watch this! -What the fuck was that? -Holy sweet fuck! I know! It just started fuckin' happening! Oh, my God! It looked like some kind of a tapeworm! A worm? You see how fast that thing was? It's more like a fuckin' cobra! Oh, my fuck, boys.
I have a goddamn pepperoni cobra living in my 'testines! Look at this shit! Like, what the fuck am I gonna do here, boys? Sweet flying fuck, that is crazy! I know! Like, this is fucking dickdangular! I'll fuckin' starve to death.
I'll have to go to hospital.
No, you don't.
No more hospitals.
Ricky, just calm down.
Let's see what it says on the Internet.
How in the fuck did you get a tapeworm, anyway? Did you eat anything rotten lately? I did.
I found a dead rotting fuckin' deer in the woods and ate every fuckin' bite of him, that's what happened.
No, I fuckin' didn't.
-Oh, fuck.
You know what? -Here we go.
I ate a couple of burgers out of Randy's fuckin' garbage coming home from the bar the other night, would that do it? You were eating garbage burgers! Somebody call fuckin' Agatha Christie then.
I think we solved the fuckin' mystery.
Fuckin' Randy and his rotten burgers! -What does it say on the fuckin' Internet? -Just wait.
Okay, it says, "In certain cases, a small incision can be made in the abdomen, where the worm can be extracted using forceps.
-Here we go.
-An incision? I've got a carpet knife and some pliers, boys.
Oh, and there's a diagram here.
It looks pretty easy.
Perfect, let's do it.
I'm fuckin' starving-- Guys, we're not gonna give you a fuckin' C-section with a carpet knife! -We have to! -No, that's stupid! Okay, hang on, boys.
Here it is, right here.
Due to their sensitivity, in many cases, tapeworms can be forced from a host using garlic, cinnamon, or laxatives.
How about all fuckin' three of them? Here, chug it.
Oh, you don't like that, huh? Well, fuck you, then! Say goodbye, fuckface! Okay.
So what happens now? 'Cause that didn't seem to do shit.
Oh, fuck.
-Oh, fuck.
-Ricky, no fucking way! Don't coat my toilet with your shitspray! -It's coming out! -Use your own! -I can't! I'm not gonna make it! -Ricky! -Oh, fuck! -Ricky, clench your cheeks! -Oh, fuck! -You can make it! Fuck! Oh, my God! Cartoon shitting is crazy! Oh, my God.
Ricky! Fuck.
It's still inside me.
This thing is fuckin' smart.
What? That's not fuckin' fair, man.
What? Mine's bigger than that.
Bullshit.
It is not, is it? -A good inch bigger.
-Fuck! It's been really hard trying to run the park on my own.
I've been drinking and drinking, trying to get Mr.
Lahey to appear and give me some advice, but it hasn't been working.
I'm trying to stay positive here.
Ah, frig! What the frig are you doing? That's my garbage from last fuckin' week! Pick it the fuck up! For frig sakes, Donnie, I'm trying here.
Well, you're not trying hard enough! You're fuckin' lazy! Mr.
Lahey, where are you, sir? Give me a sign.
Please.
What the frig? Mr.
Lahey? I guess we just leave him in there.
It's not a real big deal.
He'll have his space and I'll have mine, but he's gonna have to chip in for groceries.
He eats a fuckin' shit-ton.
Ricky, you can't just let a tapeworm live in you like a roommate splitting a fucking apartment with you.
There's gotta be an easy way to deal with this.
We just gotta think about it.
Well, I can't think unless I'm high, so "When you're Rome," as they say.
Whoa, whoa, what the fuck? I don't fuckin' think so, bud.
You get the fuck back here with that right the fuck now! Ricky, what are you doing? -Ricky! -You're gonna turn yourself inside out! All right, this ain't happening.
-Fuck this! -No, Ricky, put the fuckin' gun away! No, eating my fuckin' pepperoni, that's one thing, but if he's gonna smoke my fuckin' weed, he's gotta go, right the fuck now! -You don't need a fuckin' gun! -Come on, little prick! Poke your little fuckin' head out, I dare ya! Jesus H.
Christ! You're not so fuckin' tough now! Poke your head out, I dare you! Use your fuckin' brain.
You're pointing a gun at your goddamn head now.
He fuckin' started it! I can't deal with this! All right, goddammit! Lay on your back, Ricky.
We're gonna do exactly what they'd do in a fuckin' cartoon in this situation! Ironically.
Okay, Julian, I'm gonna lure the little cocksucker out.
-You grab him with these.
-All right, let's get going.
Okay, is he coming, Ricky? Jesus, I don't know if he's coming.
It feels like he's hard, though.
-Something's digging into me.
-No, I mean is he moving up your throat? Oh.
No.
Fuck.
Not yet anyway.
Yeah, he's probably too fuckin' baked now.
I guarantee he is.
That was Purple fucking Kush he smoked! Here, try this instead.
He might have the munchies.
-Good thinking, Julian.
-Thanks.
Nothing better than peanut butter cups when you're baked! Okay, now, that got the little fucker's attention.
Okay, Julian, get ready.
-I got him! -Don't let him retreat, Julian! Holy fuck, he's strong! Come on, you little fucker! -Pull, Julian! Use your muscles! -I'm pulling! Firm, but easy! He's got a segmented body! He could break into 80 pieces! Come on! Holy fuck! We got him! All right, you little tubey fuck, your pepperoni and weed stealing days are fuckin' over! Aw, listen to him.
There you go, fella.
I'll have to think of a name for you.
Oh, my God, what the Christ are you doing? Just kill the fuckin' thing.
I'm not gonna fuckin' kill it.
What's the point in that now? It came outta me, so I'm kinda like its mother in a way.
Ricky, you know you can't keep a tapeworm as a pet, right? Yeah, I mean, I know that.
Of course.
All right, well, that was fun, boys.
Let's go to the fuckin' strip club and get drunk.
I can't go to the strip club, I'm watching Mo-tel.
Trin, Jacob and Cory went job-hunting.
What, you're watching Mo? Where is he, Ricky? Oh, fuck! I have no idea.
-Mo! Where are you? -Jesus, Ricky! Mo! Oh, my fuck! He's got the triumvirate of danger! Whoa, give these to Grampie.
You could cut your little fingies off or burn yourself to death.
-Wormie! -Yeah, what do you think of him? He's a pepperoni cobra.
Watch this.
Peppie! Peppie? Holy fuck, that's a perfect name! He's got fuckin' brains, boys, I'm telling ya.
Oh, yeah, here we go.
That's fucked.
Let's go, Bubs.
Know what? Fuck it, we'll come too.
Who? Me and Mo.
He can wait in the car and play with Peppie.
-Let's go, Mo.
Going to the strip club.
-Ricky.
You're not taking Mo and your pet tapeworm to the strip club.
See you later.
Well, fuck.
Bring me back something at least! I'll see what I can do.
All right, well, fuck them, right, little buddy? We can have fun right here, can't we? Peppie wanna play! No, you can't go in there, little guy.
Come on, you two, let's go do some family shit together.
People, let me tell you about my best friend He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end People, let me tell you about my best friend He's a one-boy cuddly toy, my up and down, my friend joy I don't know about this, Julian.
It's freaking me out.
Come on, man, once you get used to it in here, you'll be fine.
Let's just get one fuckin' drink.
Oh, yeah, right.
One drink.
When have you ever had one fuckin' drink? All right, well, at least let's just kinda blend in, then.
Jesus Christ, Julian.
Sitting right smack in the middle of Jerk du Soleil isn't exactly being inconspicuous! Hey, relax! You can see more detail up front here.
Detail? What are you talking about? We're not at the fuckin' Louvre.
All right, guys, give it up for Trixie, looking after all your dancing needs.
Way to go, baby! Okay, she's gonna use those as her hands now, is she? I see how that works.
Bubs, man, would you loosen up? Go talk to a lady.
No ladies are looking to talk to me.
I'm fine right here.
Yes, they do want to talk, they're strippers.
That's what they do for a living.
They talk to people.
Look, she's shaking her ass at you.
Go talk to her.
-I can't, Julian.
-Talk to her! -I can't! -Bubs, you can.
Come on! All right, fuck off! Let me do it on my own.
Excuse me, ma'am, I got a tip here for you.
Hey! What the hell? Oh, my God! I'm sorry.
-I thought you were one of the dirty-- -Yeah, okay, calm down.
It's all right.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm just the cleaner.
Oh, I'm not disappointed.
I'm relieved, actually.
You're the cleaner? Oh, my God.
I actually love cleaning, it's a great profession.
You love cleaning? Well that's sweet.
I don't.
Especially not when my stupid machine is broke.
I hate cleaning by hand.
It's gross.
What kind of stupid machine do you have? I'm pretty good with machines, I could have a look at it for you.
Really? That'd be awesome.
Mr.
Lahey, where are you, sir? Why won't you talk to me? Please, Mr.
Lahey! I need some friggin' help! Hey, Randy.
Mr.
Lahey! I knew you'd come! I need some advice, sir.
What do you need, bud? Randy! Open up! Barb! Mr.
Lahey! No! That friggin' bitch! Are you talking to Jim? Tell him to get out here right this instant! He's not friggin' here! You scared him off with that witchy friggin' voice of yours! I beg your pardon, Randy! Are you drunk? I said he's not here! Clean the friggin' shit out of your ears! You will not speak to me like that, Randy! I want to know where Jim is and I want to know now, because you obviously aren't capable of taking care of this park without him! Bottle kids! Friggin' little jerks! This park is out of control! Where the hell is Jim? -And don't tell me that the shithawks-- -You know what, Barb? What? I don't know what happened.
It was working great and then it just quit.
Oh, it looks like maybe a cold solder on the condenser, not easy to spot.
Easy fix, though.
You built this thing? I like the way you did that there.
-Decent! -Yeah, it's not great though.
Are you kidding me? Clean welds, nice contours great craftsmanship all around.
I'm very impressed.
Well, thanks.
You know one thing, if you extended these blades a few inches and cranked up the amperage, you'd get more torque, probably cut your cleaning time in half.
Really? That would be a dream! Well, I mean, I could do it for ya if you wanted to come by my shed with it sometime.
Oh, really? Is that your pickup line? What? No! No! God, no pickup line! Just one backyard builder to another.
Okay.
Deal.
How about tomorrow morning? Tomorrow that's very soon.
Yes, okay.
Tomorrow morning sounds perfect.
Just come by the Sunnyvale Trailer Park, stop by my shed, and we'll get her geared for ya.
That's great! Okay, it's a date.
Thanks Bubbles.
That's cute.
I'm Maddy.
I'll see you tomorrow, Bubbles.
Okay, it's a date! A date.
Yo buddy, say hello to my little friends! They're coming to the park and partying with us, man.
Come on! Oh, hey, you're kinda cute.
I love your glasses.
Nope, sorry, ladies.
I'm taken.
What the fuck are you talking about, man? Maybe.
I've got a lady coming over to the park too, -first thing in the morning.
-Oh, right on! You'll be able to fire up that fuckin' massive hog of yours, man.
Why are you so excited about my hog firing up? Ah, fuck, better get some food in you.
You're not looking so good, Pepperino.
What the fuck is she doing? Okay, it's sleepy time, little buddy.
Kiss Peppie goodnight and go to bed.
How's it going? -What the hell you doing here? -What the hell am I doing here? I just went to the jail and they said you got out a week ago.
Like, what the actual fuck, Rick? Well, I fuckin' assumed we were done.
Aren't we? Done? Why would we be done? And what have you been doing for the past week? You banging Sarah again? I'm not fuckin' banging Sarah again.
I'm not banging anybody! Fuck's sake! Are you drunk? Yes! Because of you! All right, Ricky, you wanted takeout, I got you takeout, buddy! -Take your pick! -No idea what you're talking about.
Ricky, what the fuck-- I thought you guys were done.
Yeah, so did I.
What the fuck is this? I have no idea.
What the fuck are you doing, Julian? You fuckin' weirdo.
Oh, you guys thought you were gonna have a little stripper party with these skanks, did you? Whoa, my friends are not skanks.
They're professional entertainers, okay? Trixie here is actually pre-med, and Summer, she's trying to be a pilot.
A pilot? Yeah, I bet she is.
She's dressed like she knows her way around a cockpit.
Ever hear of mouthwash, bitch? Yeah, that's it.
 It's on, you skinny slut! No! Ricky, get her out of here.
-Susan! -No, listen, okay? Everything's cool.
Put the wig back on, go mix a drink.
I'll be over in a minute.
Don't worry about your snail trail! I'll fuckin' mop that up with my Swiffer.
Ricky, you're not getting back with her.
Come on, let's go.
Julian, we're just talking here, okay? Ricky, let's go talk in the bedroom.
'Cause you know I can do ten times what those wig-wearing whores can do, except fly a plane, if she was serious.
Okay, well.
Sorry, Julian.
We just gotta go talk in the bedroom.
Let's go to the bedroom and do ten times whatever you said.
That sounds fuckin' awesome.
Fuck! Shit! Champ! Oh, Champ! Yes! Fuck you! Hey, how'd you sleep, little buddy? Fuck.
Fucking great! Ricky? Whatcha doing, baby? Come back to bed and do that ass thing you were doing to me, please.
Ass thing? What the fuck is she talking about? Well, duty calls, boys.
Go film Julian and Bubbles for a while for fuck sakes.
Jesus fucking Satan! Boys! What the fuck's going on? Peppie's eating my cock! What the fuck is happening? -How the fuck did this happen? -I don't fucking know.
Peppie got out his tank and must've crawled in Susan while she was sleeping.
Now he's latched onto my cock! Oh, fuck, it hurts! My God, he thinks it's pepperoni! It's not a pepperoni, boys, it's my cock! It's fucking bad here! Obviously it's not a pepperoni! I was making a fucking point! Enough with the pepperoni talk! Okay, Ricky, hold still! -Get it off! Get it off my cock! -Jesus Christ! He's got his scolex clamped around your shaft! Hold onto him, Ricky! Come on, Bubs! Let's rip 'em apart! Am I bleeding? What in the fucking fuck is that? Kill it! No! Don't kill it! -Peppie didn't mean it.
-What the fuck are you on about? You've a name for this fucking thing? Shoot it, Rick! -I can't fucking shoot it.
-What do you mean you can't? It's a snake! It just tried to eat your fucking cock! It's not a snake, actually, it's a tapeworm.
I know what it just did.
I fuckin' was there, okay? But Mo fuckin' loves this thing, and I think I do too.
I can't kill it.
I wanna tell you one more fucking time.
It's me or it's that cock-eating snake, Ricky! Choose! Tapeworm.
I shouldn't have to fuckin' choose.
I can't kill him, Susan.
I'm just fucking sorry.
So that's how it's gonna be? You're gonna pick a fucking snake over me? Tapeworm.
Oh, fuck you, Ricky.
The wedding is off! Take your fucking snake, shove it up your ass! Barely slept a wink last night trying to get up the courage to ask Maddy out.
I'm not real good at that type of thing.
But then I had a genius idea! I mean, I'll do my best to try to just blurt it out, but if I can't, I'll just do what I used to do in elementary school.
Hey, Bubbles! Hey, Maddy! Wish me luck! -Well, here it is.
-Yep! There it is! Decent.
All right, well, let's get this dirty wh- Let's get her up on the old workbench! Careful, don't hurt yourself.
No, I'm good! Tough as nails, I am.
I've been working out.
Jesus, it's heavier than I thought though.
How far did you drag this thing? Not that far.
My boyfriend dropped me off at the entrance.
What? Boyfriend? Cocksucker! Oh, my God, are you okay? Yeah.
Oh, yeah, I'm just fine.
No big deal.
What's this? That's nothing.
Were you gonna ask me out, Bubbles? I thought that you said this was just "one backyard builder to another"? That's nothing.
It's just something-- I was doodling around-- Look, I think it was very cute that you were gonna ask me out, but I could never date a guy that hangs out at a strip club.
Oh, my God.
I actually don't.
Anyway, here's my number.
Just call me when it's done, okay? Thanks, Bubbles.
Yeah.
Okay, great.
You're not looking good.
Why the fuck aren't you eating? You must be hungry.
Ricky, I think it's about time you flushed that fucking thing down the toilet, man.
Gentlemen, I'd like to have a word, please.
Does anyone know where the fuck Jim is? Why would we know where he is? Why don't you ask Randy? I've asked Randy, repeatedly, but when he is not passed out drunk, which is literally all the time now, he just goes on about shithawks.
Look, is there something going on with you all that I don't know about? -No.
-Why would you say that? Why do I even bother? What was that all about? Fuck, he's getting worse, boys.
What am I gonna do here? He's dying, he's starving to death.
He can't be starving, I gave him tons of pepperoni.
He's just not eating it.
He can't survive on just pepperoni, Ricky, he's a parasite.
He has to live in someone's body.
Parasites need a host.
For fuck sakes.
All right, well in you go, then.
Ricky, you're not gonna let that disgusting fucking thing live inside your body.
Well, I can't just let him die, Julian.
Mo loves him.
And I love him, too.
There must be some way to save him, boys.
Please.
All right, get his pants down, Julian.
I'm not pulling his fucking pants down.
Okay, no problem.
Would you rather be the spreader then? Jesus Christ.
All right, Ricky, when I say go, put some donair meat in the crack and then let Peppie go.
Hang on.
I don't know if I can do this.
Yes, you can, Ricky.
And hurry up, this is fucked.
You'll be okay, little guy.
He's gonna be better than okay, Ricky.
As far as tapeworms go, living in Randy is like living in paradise.
There's tons of room to move around, endless supply of burgers, donairs, hot dogs.
Think about it! It's tapeworm heaven in there, Ricky.
You're right, it would be pretty nice in there.
I'm gonna miss you, pal.
Okay, Bubs, do it.
There he goes, boys.
He's in.
Yep.
He made it.
-He's gonna be okay, Ricky.
-I hope so.
Jesus Christ, you two are fucked.
No, we're not fucked, Julian.
We're not fucked, actually.
Everything's exactly the way it should be.
Just like you said, we have each other's backs.
We're a family, boys.
I love you guys.
-Love you too, buddy.
-Back at you, buddy.
You guys want to get something to eat? Anything but a donair.
Mr.
Lahey.
I knew you'd come back.
I don't want a fuckin' drink, Julian! I'm gonna snap! It's been a week.
What if we never come down from this shit? Okay, what if we don't? So what? What do you mean, so what? I mean, so what if we never come down? What's really different? Oh, other than the fact that we're fuckin' cartoons, living in Cartoonland, high on fuckin' drugs, what's different? Yeah, you're still you, I'm still me, we're still living at the park, and we still have each other's back, no matter what, right? I guess so, but-- We're still the same people, man, still family.
Nothing's ever gonna fuckin' change that.
Come here.
Bubs, come here, who's got your belly? Come on.
Look, we're gonna be all right, man, okay? All right, I guess so.
Thanks, Julian.
Know what? I'm actually diggin' the way we are now now.
I have been banging the hottest strippers I've ever banged in my entire life this past week.
It's amazing.
Oh, you're banging cartoon strippers with your big cartoon wiener, are ya? -That's nice.
-Fuck yeah.
It's way easier to pick up than it used to be.
Let's go down there right now.
I'll show you.
Come on.
Boys, I don't know what the fuck is going on, but watch this! -What the fuck was that? -Holy sweet fuck! I know! It just started fuckin' happening! Oh, my God! It looked like some kind of a tapeworm! A worm? You see how fast that thing was? It's more like a fuckin' cobra! Oh, my fuck, boys.
I have a goddamn pepperoni cobra living in my 'testines! Look at this shit! Like, what the fuck am I gonna do here, boys? Sweet flying fuck, that is crazy! I know! Like, this is fucking dickdangular! I'll fuckin' starve to death.
I'll have to go to hospital.
No, you don't.
No more hospitals.
Ricky, just calm down.
Let's see what it says on the Internet.
How in the fuck did you get a tapeworm, anyway? Did you eat anything rotten lately? I did.
I found a dead rotting fuckin' deer in the woods and ate every fuckin' bite of him, that's what happened.
No, I fuckin' didn't.
-Oh, fuck.
You know what? -Here we go.
I ate a couple of burgers out of Randy's fuckin' garbage coming home from the bar the other night, would that do it? You were eating garbage burgers! Somebody call fuckin' Agatha Christie then.
I think we solved the fuckin' mystery.
Fuckin' Randy and his rotten burgers! -What does it say on the fuckin' Internet? -Just wait.
Okay, it says, "In certain cases, a small incision can be made in the abdomen, where the worm can be extracted using forceps.
-Here we go.
-An incision? I've got a carpet knife and some pliers, boys.
Oh, and there's a diagram here.
It looks pretty easy.
Perfect, let's do it.
I'm fuckin' starving-- Guys, we're not gonna give you a fuckin' C-section with a carpet knife! -We have to! -No, that's stupid! Okay, hang on, boys.
Here it is, right here.
Due to their sensitivity, in many cases, tapeworms can be forced from a host using garlic, cinnamon, or laxatives.
How about all fuckin' three of them? Here, chug it.
Oh, you don't like that, huh? Well, fuck you, then! Say goodbye, fuckface! Okay.
So what happens now? 'Cause that didn't seem to do shit.
Oh, fuck.
-Oh, fuck.
-Ricky, no fucking way! Don't coat my toilet with your shitspray! -It's coming out! -Use your own! -I can't! I'm not gonna make it! -Ricky! -Oh, fuck! -Ricky, clench your cheeks! -Oh, fuck! -You can make it! Fuck! Oh, my God! Cartoon shitting is crazy! Oh, my God.
Ricky! Fuck.
It's still inside me.
This thing is fuckin' smart.
What? That's not fuckin' fair, man.
What? Mine's bigger than that.
Bullshit.
It is not, is it? -A good inch bigger.
-Fuck! It's been really hard trying to run the park on my own.
I've been drinking and drinking, trying to get Mr.
Lahey to appear and give me some advice, but it hasn't been working.
I'm trying to stay positive here.
Ah, frig! What the frig are you doing? That's my garbage from last fuckin' week! Pick it the fuck up! For frig sakes, Donnie, I'm trying here.
Well, you're not trying hard enough! You're fuckin' lazy! Mr.
Lahey, where are you, sir? Give me a sign.
Please.
What the frig? Mr.
Lahey? I guess we just leave him in there.
It's not a real big deal.
He'll have his space and I'll have mine, but he's gonna have to chip in for groceries.
He eats a fuckin' shit-ton.
Ricky, you can't just let a tapeworm live in you like a roommate splitting a fucking apartment with you.
There's gotta be an easy way to deal with this.
We just gotta think about it.
Well, I can't think unless I'm high, so "When you're Rome," as they say.
Whoa, whoa, what the fuck? I don't fuckin' think so, bud.
You get the fuck back here with that right the fuck now! Ricky, what are you doing? -Ricky! -You're gonna turn yourself inside out! All right, this ain't happening.
-Fuck this! -No, Ricky, put the fuckin' gun away! No, eating my fuckin' pepperoni, that's one thing, but if he's gonna smoke my fuckin' weed, he's gotta go, right the fuck now! -You don't need a fuckin' gun! -Come on, little prick! Poke your little fuckin' head out, I dare ya! Jesus H.
Christ! You're not so fuckin' tough now! Poke your head out, I dare you! Use your fuckin' brain.
You're pointing a gun at your goddamn head now.
He fuckin' started it! I can't deal with this! All right, goddammit! Lay on your back, Ricky.
We're gonna do exactly what they'd do in a fuckin' cartoon in this situation! Ironically.
Okay, Julian, I'm gonna lure the little cocksucker out.
-You grab him with these.
-All right, let's get going.
Okay, is he coming, Ricky? Jesus, I don't know if he's coming.
It feels like he's hard, though.
-Something's digging into me.
-No, I mean is he moving up your throat? Oh.
No.
Fuck.
Not yet anyway.
Yeah, he's probably too fuckin' baked now.
I guarantee he is.
That was Purple fucking Kush he smoked! Here, try this instead.
He might have the munchies.
-Good thinking, Julian.
-Thanks.
Nothing better than peanut butter cups when you're baked! Okay, now, that got the little fucker's attention.
Okay, Julian, get ready.
-I got him! -Don't let him retreat, Julian! Holy fuck, he's strong! Come on, you little fucker! -Pull, Julian! Use your muscles! -I'm pulling! Firm, but easy! He's got a segmented body! He could break into 80 pieces! Come on! Holy fuck! We got him! All right, you little tubey fuck, your pepperoni and weed stealing days are fuckin' over! Aw, listen to him.
There you go, fella.
I'll have to think of a name for you.
Oh, my God, what the Christ are you doing? Just kill the fuckin' thing.
I'm not gonna fuckin' kill it.
What's the point in that now? It came outta me, so I'm kinda like its mother in a way.
Ricky, you know you can't keep a tapeworm as a pet, right? Yeah, I mean, I know that.
Of course.
All right, well, that was fun, boys.
Let's go to the fuckin' strip club and get drunk.
I can't go to the strip club, I'm watching Mo-tel.
Trin, Jacob and Cory went job-hunting.
What, you're watching Mo? Where is he, Ricky? Oh, fuck! I have no idea.
-Mo! Where are you? -Jesus, Ricky! Mo! Oh, my fuck! He's got the triumvirate of danger! Whoa, give these to Grampie.
You could cut your little fingies off or burn yourself to death.
-Wormie! -Yeah, what do you think of him? He's a pepperoni cobra.
Watch this.
Peppie! Peppie? Holy fuck, that's a perfect name! He's got fuckin' brains, boys, I'm telling ya.
Oh, yeah, here we go.
That's fucked.
Let's go, Bubs.
Know what? Fuck it, we'll come too.
Who? Me and Mo.
He can wait in the car and play with Peppie.
-Let's go, Mo.
Going to the strip club.
-Ricky.
You're not taking Mo and your pet tapeworm to the strip club.
See you later.
Well, fuck.
Bring me back something at least! I'll see what I can do.
All right, well, fuck them, right, little buddy? We can have fun right here, can't we? Peppie wanna play! No, you can't go in there, little guy.
Come on, you two, let's go do some family shit together.
People, let me tell you about my best friend He's a warm-hearted person who'll love me till the end People, let me tell you about my best friend He's a one-boy cuddly toy, my up and down, my friend joy I don't know about this, Julian.
It's freaking me out.
Come on, man, once you get used to it in here, you'll be fine.
Let's just get one fuckin' drink.
Oh, yeah, right.
One drink.
When have you ever had one fuckin' drink? All right, well, at least let's just kinda blend in, then.
Jesus Christ, Julian.
Sitting right smack in the middle of Jerk du Soleil isn't exactly being inconspicuous! Hey, relax! You can see more detail up front here.
Detail? What are you talking about? We're not at the fuckin' Louvre.
All right, guys, give it up for Trixie, looking after all your dancing needs.
Way to go, baby! Okay, she's gonna use those as her hands now, is she? I see how that works.
Bubs, man, would you loosen up? Go talk to a lady.
No ladies are looking to talk to me.
I'm fine right here.
Yes, they do want to talk, they're strippers.
That's what they do for a living.
They talk to people.
Look, she's shaking her ass at you.
Go talk to her.
-I can't, Julian.
-Talk to her! -I can't! -Bubs, you can.
Come on! All right, fuck off! Let me do it on my own.
Excuse me, ma'am, I got a tip here for you.
Hey! What the hell? Oh, my God! I'm sorry.
-I thought you were one of the dirty-- -Yeah, okay, calm down.
It's all right.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm just the cleaner.
Oh, I'm not disappointed.
I'm relieved, actually.
You're the cleaner? Oh, my God.
I actually love cleaning, it's a great profession.
You love cleaning? Well that's sweet.
I don't.
Especially not when my stupid machine is broke.
I hate cleaning by hand.
It's gross.
What kind of stupid machine do you have? I'm pretty good with machines, I could have a look at it for you.
Really? That'd be awesome.
Mr.
Lahey, where are you, sir? Why won't you talk to me? Please, Mr.
Lahey! I need some friggin' help! Hey, Randy.
Mr.
Lahey! I knew you'd come! I need some advice, sir.
What do you need, bud? Randy! Open up! Barb! Mr.
Lahey! No! That friggin' bitch! Are you talking to Jim? Tell him to get out here right this instant! He's not friggin' here! You scared him off with that witchy friggin' voice of yours! I beg your pardon, Randy! Are you drunk? I said he's not here! Clean the friggin' shit out of your ears! You will not speak to me like that, Randy! I want to know where Jim is and I want to know now, because you obviously aren't capable of taking care of this park without him! Bottle kids! Friggin' little jerks! This park is out of control! Where the hell is Jim? -And don't tell me that the shithawks-- -You know what, Barb? What? I don't know what happened.
It was working great and then it just quit.
Oh, it looks like maybe a cold solder on the condenser, not easy to spot.
Easy fix, though.
You built this thing? I like the way you did that there.
-Decent! -Yeah, it's not great though.
Are you kidding me? Clean welds, nice contours great craftsmanship all around.
I'm very impressed.
Well, thanks.
You know one thing, if you extended these blades a few inches and cranked up the amperage, you'd get more torque, probably cut your cleaning time in half.
Really? That would be a dream! Well, I mean, I could do it for ya if you wanted to come by my shed with it sometime.
Oh, really? Is that your pickup line? What? No! No! God, no pickup line! Just one backyard builder to another.
Okay.
Deal.
How about tomorrow morning? Tomorrow that's very soon.
Yes, okay.
Tomorrow morning sounds perfect.
Just come by the Sunnyvale Trailer Park, stop by my shed, and we'll get her geared for ya.
That's great! Okay, it's a date.
Thanks Bubbles.
That's cute.
I'm Maddy.
I'll see you tomorrow, Bubbles.
Okay, it's a date! A date.
Yo buddy, say hello to my little friends! They're coming to the park and partying with us, man.
Come on! Oh, hey, you're kinda cute.
I love your glasses.
Nope, sorry, ladies.
I'm taken.
What the fuck are you talking about, man? Maybe.
I've got a lady coming over to the park too, -first thing in the morning.
-Oh, right on! You'll be able to fire up that fuckin' massive hog of yours, man.
Why are you so excited about my hog firing up? Ah, fuck, better get some food in you.
You're not looking so good, Pepperino.
What the fuck is she doing? Okay, it's sleepy time, little buddy.
Kiss Peppie goodnight and go to bed.
How's it going? -What the hell you doing here? -What the hell am I doing here? I just went to the jail and they said you got out a week ago.
Like, what the actual fuck, Rick? Well, I fuckin' assumed we were done.
Aren't we? Done? Why would we be done? And what have you been doing for the past week? You banging Sarah again? I'm not fuckin' banging Sarah again.
I'm not banging anybody! Fuck's sake! Are you drunk? Yes! Because of you! All right, Ricky, you wanted takeout, I got you takeout, buddy! -Take your pick! -No idea what you're talking about.
Ricky, what the fuck-- I thought you guys were done.
Yeah, so did I.
What the fuck is this? I have no idea.
What the fuck are you doing, Julian? You fuckin' weirdo.
Oh, you guys thought you were gonna have a little stripper party with these skanks, did you? Whoa, my friends are not skanks.
They're professional entertainers, okay? Trixie here is actually pre-med, and Summer, she's trying to be a pilot.
A pilot? Yeah, I bet she is.
She's dressed like she knows her way around a cockpit.
Ever hear of mouthwash, bitch? Yeah, that's it.
 It's on, you skinny slut! No! Ricky, get her out of here.
-Susan! -No, listen, okay? Everything's cool.
Put the wig back on, go mix a drink.
I'll be over in a minute.
Don't worry about your snail trail! I'll fuckin' mop that up with my Swiffer.
Ricky, you're not getting back with her.
Come on, let's go.
Julian, we're just talking here, okay? Ricky, let's go talk in the bedroom.
'Cause you know I can do ten times what those wig-wearing whores can do, except fly a plane, if she was serious.
Okay, well.
Sorry, Julian.
We just gotta go talk in the bedroom.
Let's go to the bedroom and do ten times whatever you said.
That sounds fuckin' awesome.
Fuck! Shit! Champ! Oh, Champ! Yes! Fuck you! Hey, how'd you sleep, little buddy? Fuck.
Fucking great! Ricky? Whatcha doing, baby? Come back to bed and do that ass thing you were doing to me, please.
Ass thing? What the fuck is she talking about? Well, duty calls, boys.
Go film Julian and Bubbles for a while for fuck sakes.
Jesus fucking Satan! Boys! What the fuck's going on? Peppie's eating my cock! What the fuck is happening? -How the fuck did this happen? -I don't fucking know.
Peppie got out his tank and must've crawled in Susan while she was sleeping.
Now he's latched onto my cock! Oh, fuck, it hurts! My God, he thinks it's pepperoni! It's not a pepperoni, boys, it's my cock! It's fucking bad here! Obviously it's not a pepperoni! I was making a fucking point! Enough with the pepperoni talk! Okay, Ricky, hold still! -Get it off! Get it off my cock! -Jesus Christ! He's got his scolex clamped around your shaft! Hold onto him, Ricky! Come on, Bubs! Let's rip 'em apart! Am I bleeding? What in the fucking fuck is that? Kill it! No! Don't kill it! -Peppie didn't mean it.
-What the fuck are you on about? You've a name for this fucking thing? Shoot it, Rick! -I can't fucking shoot it.
-What do you mean you can't? It's a snake! It just tried to eat your fucking cock! It's not a snake, actually, it's a tapeworm.
I know what it just did.
I fuckin' was there, okay? But Mo fuckin' loves this thing, and I think I do too.
I can't kill it.
I wanna tell you one more fucking time.
It's me or it's that cock-eating snake, Ricky! Choose! Tapeworm.
I shouldn't have to fuckin' choose.
I can't kill him, Susan.
I'm just fucking sorry.
So that's how it's gonna be? You're gonna pick a fucking snake over me? Tapeworm.
Oh, fuck you, Ricky.
The wedding is off! Take your fucking snake, shove it up your ass! Barely slept a wink last night trying to get up the courage to ask Maddy out.
I'm not real good at that type of thing.
But then I had a genius idea! I mean, I'll do my best to try to just blurt it out, but if I can't, I'll just do what I used to do in elementary school.
Hey, Bubbles! Hey, Maddy! Wish me luck! -Well, here it is.
-Yep! There it is! Decent.
All right, well, let's get this dirty wh- Let's get her up on the old workbench! Careful, don't hurt yourself.
No, I'm good! Tough as nails, I am.
I've been working out.
Jesus, it's heavier than I thought though.
How far did you drag this thing? Not that far.
My boyfriend dropped me off at the entrance.
What? Boyfriend? Cocksucker! Oh, my God, are you okay? Yeah.
Oh, yeah, I'm just fine.
No big deal.
What's this? That's nothing.
Were you gonna ask me out, Bubbles? I thought that you said this was just "one backyard builder to another"? That's nothing.
It's just something-- I was doodling around-- Look, I think it was very cute that you were gonna ask me out, but I could never date a guy that hangs out at a strip club.
Oh, my God.
I actually don't.
Anyway, here's my number.
Just call me when it's done, okay? Thanks, Bubbles.
Yeah.
Okay, great.
You're not looking good.
Why the fuck aren't you eating? You must be hungry.
Ricky, I think it's about time you flushed that fucking thing down the toilet, man.
Gentlemen, I'd like to have a word, please.
Does anyone know where the fuck Jim is? Why would we know where he is? Why don't you ask Randy? I've asked Randy, repeatedly, but when he is not passed out drunk, which is literally all the time now, he just goes on about shithawks.
Look, is there something going on with you all that I don't know about? -No.
-Why would you say that? Why do I even bother? What was that all about? Fuck, he's getting worse, boys.
What am I gonna do here? He's dying, he's starving to death.
He can't be starving, I gave him tons of pepperoni.
He's just not eating it.
He can't survive on just pepperoni, Ricky, he's a parasite.
He has to live in someone's body.
Parasites need a host.
For fuck sakes.
All right, well in you go, then.
Ricky, you're not gonna let that disgusting fucking thing live inside your body.
Well, I can't just let him die, Julian.
Mo loves him.
And I love him, too.
There must be some way to save him, boys.
Please.
All right, get his pants down, Julian.
I'm not pulling his fucking pants down.
Okay, no problem.
Would you rather be the spreader then? Jesus Christ.
All right, Ricky, when I say go, put some donair meat in the crack and then let Peppie go.
Hang on.
I don't know if I can do this.
Yes, you can, Ricky.
And hurry up, this is fucked.
You'll be okay, little guy.
He's gonna be better than okay, Ricky.
As far as tapeworms go, living in Randy is like living in paradise.
There's tons of room to move around, endless supply of burgers, donairs, hot dogs.
Think about it! It's tapeworm heaven in there, Ricky.
You're right, it would be pretty nice in there.
I'm gonna miss you, pal.
Okay, Bubs, do it.
There he goes, boys.
He's in.
Yep.
He made it.
-He's gonna be okay, Ricky.
-I hope so.
Jesus Christ, you two are fucked.
No, we're not fucked, Julian.
We're not fucked, actually.
Everything's exactly the way it should be.
Just like you said, we have each other's backs.
We're a family, boys.
I love you guys.
-Love you too, buddy.
-Back at you, buddy.
You guys want to get something to eat? Anything but a donair.
Mr.
Lahey.
I knew you'd come back.