True Jackson, VP (2008) s02e28 Episode Script

230 - Principal For a Day

True Jackson VP was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
How come your safety goggles are cuter than mine? I True-ed them up, you know added some sparkles, popped out the lenses.
No lenses? That doesn't sound so safe.
I know that's why you're going to mix the dangerous stuff, while I stand back and look good.
- Hey True, nice goggles.
- Thanks.
Hi Lulu.
What's going on? A little birdie told me you might be cutting out early to go to the MacGuffins concert.
Who told you? Was it Harvey? I didn't say anything, and I am not a bird.
The MacGuffins for real? I got tickets for Jimmy and I to see them at Central Park, and the show starts at four.
You wouldn't happen to have the tickets on you? I'm not going to ditch Jimmy and take you if that's what you're asking.
I wasn't asking, I was fishing, it's different.
Everyone, can I have your attention? We have a very special guest observing class today Is it Batman? I thought I saw his car in front of the school.
No, Ryan it's not Batman, though some would call our guest a superhero.
Of learning! Let's give a warm third-period welcome To our Principal Chuck Ruckman! Hi kids.
Ruckman great, please tell me he's not trying that kids slang thing.
What's the hizzy, Miss lizzy? Alright class, who wants to show Principal Ruckman what we've been working on this semester? - I will.
- Oh thanks True, you're a good kid.
We've been observing how different compounds respond to heat.
Show him Lulu.
You just add hydrochloric acid to the beaker and - Bam! - Ooh, impressive.
You want to see something really impressive? - No.
No.
- No.
Sorta.
We simply take this can of household soda, and Honestly I was kind of expecting a little bit more.
Take cover! Cool huh? Ryan, are you insane? You could have really hurt somebody.
Oh please, no one got hurt, right Principal Ruckman? Hey look his toupee fell off.
He doesn't wear a toupee.
Thank you.
That was Principal Ruckman's surgeon, they were able to reattach his hair.
Yes! - But his doctor did say one strange thing.
- Strange? Before Principal Ruckman went in to surgery, he mentioned something about destroying page 738 of the school charter.
What do you think he meant by that? Clearly, there's a map on page 738 that leads directly to King Tut's tomb Which we know from history was located in the lost city of Atlantis.
Tell me again what I gave you in history last semester? - A "D".
- I was being generous.
- I found the charter! - Ugh! Man how old's that thing? Well I could do a simple carbon dating test, to make an exact determination, if you like.
- I think I'll just go with pretty old.
- Page 738! Here it is In the event of a school Principal being injured, his duty shall fall to he who has injured him.
- That means - Oh no! - Heaven help us.
- What? You going to tell me who's Principal or not? You are Ryan, you're the new school Principal.
From my head to my toes, it's all real and you know.
Fresh and cool, it's just what I do.
Working at a grown-up job.
I never really knew I could work this hard.
Just used to sit at home and watch TV.
Now I'm in an office as the new VP.
I'm always setting trends, with my two best friends.
When things get out of hand, we have a plan.
We're just messing around, and we're making new ground.
For the whole wide world to see.
If you see us in town, you know it's going down.
Because I'm the new VP.
I can't believe Ryan's actually Principal, this is my worst nightmare.
I thought your worst nightmare was when you were trapped in that snake pit with Kesha.
I have a feeling things are going to get ugly in a hurry around here.
You got that right.
Can I take the day off so I can watch this train wreck? - Call me every hour with the deets.
- You know it! Slow it down Mister! And you speed it up! Hey Ryan.
Is it true you're turning the library into a video arcade? It's in the planning stage, yes.
And a little birdie told me you got rid of the math club.
I did not and I'm not a bird.
No one's talking to you Harvey! Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to run through the hallway screaming like a nut.
I'm the Principal! Ah-ha-ha-ha! On second thought, call me every half hour.
Mm-hmm.
- Morning True.
- Good morning Oscar.
It is sure good to be back in a quiet normal office.
Pork chops! Pork chops! Woo! Jimmy, did you turn the mail room into a smokehouse again? - Yep, in honor of Saint Ferus day.
- And that is? The patron Saint of barbeque.
Man you're like the tenth person today who hasn't known that.
Eleventh.
Wow, Saint Ferus and a MacGuffins concert on the same day? This has got to be the best day of your life.
Second best, in 2007 national mail carrier day fell on my birthday.
Still gives me chills just thinking about it.
Oh! Here feel my neck! Enough neck feeling people, we have work to do.
- But Amanda it's Saint Ferus day.
- Really? It's early this year.
Anyway, as you know Max is off at his vintage car collector's convention, but I'm happy to report that he left me a detailed to-do list.
And I'm happy to report that he gave me the afternoon off before he left.
- Did you get that in writing? - No.
Too bad, so sad.
Here are your assignments, oh wait that's mine, here's yours.
- Uh, there's a lot of stuff on this list.
- Oh, so there is.
- Well, what does he have you doing? - Well I had to give you your list Check.
And now I have to be on-call in case Max needs to reach me.
You mean you just need to be near a phone? - And I should probably get right on that.
- Amanda, wait! Jimmy and I are going to see the MacGuffins, can't you do some of my work? And why would I go against Max's explicit instructions? Well for one, I suspect you wrote them in the first place.
But, I'm just hoping you'll help me out as a friend.
Friend? Ah-ha-ha! Oh True, we are business associates, not friends.
We're sorta friends.
Here's my address book, tell me if you see your name in it.
You know Flavor Flav? Bye bye Ruckman, hello Laserbeam.
So have you thought about what you want to accomplish now that you're Principal? Well, I'm definitely eating lunch in the teachers' lounge, I hear they have a hot tub.
Yeah I was talking more about school policy like Maybe instituting a system where a student could challenge a grade if they think they deserve a higher one.
Ah, don't worry about it, I'm getting rid of grades altogether.
My new system involves a thumbs up, or a thumbs down Harvey! I read your book report Now, beat it bird.
- Want to go checkout my new parking spot? - You don't have a car.
Not yet, but I'm Principal.
By law I can commandeer any citizen's car I want.
No you can't! Are you questioning the Principal? Little hint don't question the Principal.
Ryan, you've been given a gift Every kid in the world had dreamed of running their own school, and now you have the chance.
You've got the power to change things, to make the school the way you've always wanted.
You're right.
I can't squander this opportunity.
I Principal Laserbeam proclaim that all teachers hereby have Permanent detention.
That's kind of not what I meant.
Let's go hit that hot tub! Well, this is awkward.
- Unbelievable.
- What's wrong Jimmy? I just gave Kopelman a bone-in fillet, perfectly cooked, and you know what that animal did? He poured ketchup all over it.
He does love ketchup, I once saw him put it on blueberry pie.
And by once, I mean every day since I've worked here.
All right Jimmy, I've got a good jump on my work, all I need to do is send copies of my spring-line to our manufacturers and we can go.
Awesome.
Oscar, I'm out of printer paper, can you ask Mitchell to bring me some? Sorry True, but Mitchell's become an environmentalist.
He's gotten Mad Style to go paper free.
- Mitchell the copy guy got rid of paper? - Yeah.
Here's the memo he sent out.
This is a piece of bread with writing on it.
I'll take it.
I can't finish my work with no paper.
What am I going to do? We could go to another floor and ask to borrow some paper.
I don't know, one time our upstairs neighbor asked to borrow a cup of sugar My dad was all "Do you see a sign saying free sugar?" Buy your own dang sugar, get out of my house".
Doesn't your Grandma live in the apartment above you? Yup.
From now on she buys her own dang sugar.
Tell you what, I'll go with you, if anybody yells at you - They'll have to deal with me.
- My hero.
We're going to end up checking out their mail room aren't we? Probably, yeah.
Hey! Coach sloppy, you're running downhill.
Clean it up.
Ryan?! It's been over an hour, how long are you going to make them stay here? It's called "permanent detention" Lulu.
So your plan is to have them live in this classroom forever? It's the only way they'll learn their lesson.
What lesson? They're just trying to teach you it's their job.
And my job is to deliver justice.
- Hey! What do you think you're doing? - Nothing.
- What's that in your hand? - A note.
A note Perhaps you'd like to share to contents of your little note with the class? It's not really a class, you're just imprisoning the teachers.
Give me that.
"Even in detention you look really cute".
Isn't that sweet? We've got a regular Shakespeare over here.
- Ryan, please? - Ryan? Oh is it Ryan now? Do I call you Jeff? You have been all morning, yeah.
That is enough out of you Jeff, you too Patty! I'm going to go walk the perimeter, Lulu make sure no one moves.
Jeff, I think we both heard what he said.
- Louder.
- Squawk.
Louder, and flap your wings.
Squawk! Ryan, what are you doing? Just playing with this bird, you know Principal stuff.
Dismissed fly away! Don't you think you're a little out of control? - Out of control? - You know abusing your authority.
Huh, I wouldn't want to do that, thanks Lulu.
- You're welcome.
- Oh! One more thing Yes, Lulu? May I go to the bathroom? What do you think? I'm psyched to see a new floor, I bet it's not going to look anything like Mad Style.
Bad Smiles, please hold.
Bad Smiles! What is this place? I think it's a dentist office.
- This is weird.
- How so? This place looks exactly like Mad Style.
- I'm gonna be honest, I don't see it.
- One o'clock pick up! One o'clock pick up! - How about now? - Okay, maybe a little weird.
Timmy this package is very fragile so try not to drop it this time, yes? And it just got weirder.
Amanda? I'm sorry are you taking to me? - What are you doing here? - What are you doing here? We're looking to borrow some paper, what are you doing here? - I work here? - You're a dentist? I took a two night class on the Internet, I'm also a licensed yoga instructor.
- But why Amanda? - Well if you must know I recently had some unforeseen expenses arise, so I took on another job.
What kind of expenses? Last week I took Max's favorite vintage red pickup out for a little joy ride.
You know his favorite red pickup don't you? - Not really.
- At any rate I spotted some wild daisies on the side of the road you know how much I love wild daisies? Not really.
When got out to pick them I apparently forgot to engage the parking break.
I imagine this kind of thing has happened to you before? Not really.
So you're going to work here until you can pay off Uncle Max? Precisely it's noting I can't handle.
Amanda your one o'clock appointment is here.
Ah, Mister Nussbaum, how's that filling doing? My wife always says a grown man shouldn't eat Taffy.
Ow! And when the masked stranger was revealed, it was none other than Ktath Gomac of the Cliff People.
Then, on the next page, the Cliff People welcomed back Ktath, by feeding him grapes and wrapping him in fine linens.
Harvey! Fetch me some grapes and fine linens.
As you wish.
But though peace was restored, it was only temporary.
Then we see the Cliff People heading off to war.
To be continued Principal Laserbeam out! This is not good.
- We gotta bust out of here.
- Miss Park, you need to get a grip.
You get a grip! It is complete anarchy out there.
It was bound to happen, I just didn't think it would only take An hour and nine minutes.
Lulu you're right, you think you can talk some sense into him? - Talk sense to Ryan? - You're right we're doomed.
No we're not, Ryan only became Principal because he injured Mr.
Ruckman.
We just need to figure out how to injure Ryan, so we can get a new one.
- I've got just the plan.
- But we can't actually hurt him.
I'm out of ideas.
I think I've got something! Chlorazydacaine it's a simple chemical compound that renders the drinker incapacitated for ten seconds.
And during those ten seconds we can swear in a new Principal.
Precisely! Only there's one small problem.
You want to knock him out for more than ten seconds? Yeah, I hear that.
No I'm just I'm not sure how we're going to get him to ingest it.
Ryan is becoming increasingly paranoid, it's going to be hard to spike his food.
Wait a minute let me get this straight The one problem with our plan is getting Ryan to eat or drink something, because he doesn't know what it is? Yup.
Just mix the chemicals Mr.
Jamerson I'll take it from there.
I can't believe that Amanda has a second job.
I can't believe she can fit those giant hands into people's mouths.
Oh no, with all that craziness down there I forgot to ask to borrow some copier paper.
I'm on it.
Let's go visit one of our other neighbors.
Rad Tiles, please hold.
Rad Tiles, what is this place? We sell tiles.
Bathroom tiles kitchen tiles.
If they're tiles, and they're rad we sell them.
Okay this is officially the strangest Saint Ferus day ever.
Oswald, have we gotten the new shipment of East African mosaics? Amanda! How many jobs do you have? Ah, you're interested in purchasing some tiles you say? Ha-ha-ha, come, come let's discuss this in private.
Okay, I'm ready to cut a deal.
You don't tell anybody about my four jobs, and I'll let you go early to see your concert.
Yeah that sounds pretty good, wait did you just say four jobs!? Oh that's right you haven't been on seventeen yet.
Glad Trials, it's a very upbeat legal firm.
Amanda, this is really crazy, I want to ask you a billion questions, but I don't even know where to start.
Then I'll start with my question, how are you shipping these? It can't be standard freight.
Why do you need to work here too? Can't you earn enough to replace Mr.
Madigan's truck with two jobs? Yes, but the problem is I don't just have to replace the truck.
The next day I borrowed in 1925 Model-T to run some errands, and again I spotted some wild daisies You might want to buy your daisies at a florist from now on.
Just saying.
Idea sell school for a billion dollars, then buy a billion lottery tickets, and win a million dollars.
Hey, Ryan.
Wait a minute, I thought I gave you permanent detention.
You did, I was just roaming the halls flouting your authority.
What? My authority is not to be flouted.
All right I'll go back to detention, just as soon as I have a little sip from my brand new energy drink.
I'm sorry, did you say brand new energy drink? - Give me that.
- No, get your own.
I'm going to drink this whole test tube and there's no way you can take it from me and drink it yourself.
Oh really, you think so? In case you forgot I happen to be Principal.
How stupid do you think I am? This is probably going to sound insulting, but I consider you the stupidest human being on the face of the Earth.
Well then clearly you've underestimated me.
Oh! He's down! All hail Principal Lulu.
Want to go take a victory lap around the track? No, we should probably stay here and make sure Ryan's okay.
- I'm okay.
- What's 25 times 2? - Thirty six.
- He's fine.
- Three o'clock, you finish all your work? - Sure did.
- Cool let's go.
- Let's go.
Why aren't we going? I don't know it's just this whole Amanda thing.
Yeah, she's gonna be in a lot of trouble, it's gonna be hilarious, shall we? We're not seeing the MacGuffins, are we? I just won't be able to have fun knowing Amanda needs help.
Okay, I'm going to see if Oscar wants to go.
I'm kidding, so what's the plan? Yaw Charisma, yaw! Yup, I once met Stanford Wraithway.
The deputy postmaster of Cook County, what was he like? Exactly what you'd think awesome! Excuse me, where might I find some napkins? Break room.
Kopelman, Kookoolman, Krackelman! What's going on here? Happy Saint Ferus day Amanda.
How dare you take advantage of my absence to throw a party.
It's not a party, it's a fundraiser.
How dare you take advantage of my absence to throw a fundraiser.
Let me guess they're cutting out the dolly club at your school.
Nope, it's still there Lulu's the President.
- Well then what are you raising money for? - You.
You were in trouble, so I decided to help.
That's what friends do for each other right? - Right.
- Steak? Ooh, this looks terrific.
It should it's a sixty dollar porterhouse.
- How much are you charging? - Nothing.
You can't charge for steak on Saint Ferus day, do you want to get hit by lightning? I don't understand if it's a fundraiser, how are you making money? I'm going to be honest, I've got a pretty deadly Cajun-rub going.
- It's an eleven on the spicy meter.
- So? We're charging twenty bucks a cup for lemonade.
We've already made five thousand dollars.
Thank you True.
Care to try your luck on the mechanical bull? Oh no, I've read an article about how dangerous those things are.
They're not dangerous, look even Kopelman can do it.
Woo! Woo! - What did he say? - I think he said turn it up.
Woo! Woo! - This porterhouse is delicious.
- Oh, you flatter me.
Happy Saint Ferus day.
- Principal Lulu? - Enter.
How's it going? Not too good.
I just found out I'm only going to be Principal till tomorrow.
Principal Ruckman got released from the hospital.
- Might as well enjoy today then.
- Yeah, I'm just going to keep it low-key.
This is your Principal speaking, couple announcements First, don't forget to smile.
Second, there will be a mandatory dolly club meeting in the auditorium after school.
Immediate suspension for those that don't attend.
And now we'll do the schools brand new fight song.
Go Lions! So, did Amanda get Mr.
Madigan's truck fixed? Yes, she found an auto body shop that restored it back to its original condition.
She's driving it out to his country house as we speak.
Aw look at those beautiful daisies.
Not again!