Twenty Twelve (2011) s02e02 Episode Script

Boycott (Part 2)

'If the French see anything they regard as a concession 'to Algerian demands for a mosque, then they too 'would be prepared to pull out of the Games.
' This couldn't be a more delicate issue.
We have to get it right.
Seb, hi, how are you? Seb? The problem is none of the walls of the Belief Centre actually faces Mecca.
Islam, Buddhism, Hindu Muslim.
No, we've had that already.
What if we all agree that nobody will ever wear shoes in the Shared Belief Centre at any time? Yes.
Dr Benhamadi, very good to see you.
Welcome to our virtual world.
I have been here for half an hour.
Dr Benhamadi? Excellent.
Just a minute - which way is east? They're Muslim, Ian.
Did you just call that guy a dog? Yeah, I mean What? 'But what I can tell you, Katie, is that whatever the precise nature 'of those discussions were, er, and, of course, we don't know that, 'um, in the past hour, the Algerians have now issued 'a deadline of midnight tonight, er, for their concerns 'about the worship facilities in the Olympic Village to be met.
'And, if that doesn't happen, they now say they'll boycott the Games.
' Oh, great.
Yeah, great.
So let's have a quick up-sum of where we are with this, shall we? OK, sure.
Thanks for that, Ian.
So No, from me.
If that's OK.
No, sure.
Totally good with that.
It's Monday afternoon and Twenty Twelve Head of Deliverance Ian Fletcher has convened an Urgent Special Solutions Meeting for his team, which today includes new arrival Fi Healey on her first day at the ODC.
So, uh Oh, first of all we should say, "Welcome, Fi.
" Welcome.
Hello, welcome.
Perhaps not the best day to join us on but it's good to see you here, nonetheless.
Thank you, Ian.
I've heard so much about the Deliverance Team.
I just hope I'll make the grade.
I'm sure you'll be fine.
Yeah, you'll be fine.
Too late for that anyway.
You're here now, love.
Shall we start? The initial cause of the rapidly developing crisis was an Algerian 7 hours 34 and counting, guys.
OK, thank you, Siobhan.
I've got a meeting out on site with a guy from Muslim Focus UK in an hour.
So that's one hour zero, guys.
Yes, thank you.
They're very keen to By the way, best not to broadcast that at this stage Right.
The last thing we need is for any group to feel we're talking to any other group without being open about it.
Right, especially if we are.
That's a no-brainer.
Yes, no, but they're very keen to do what they can to help us with this, but what I really need is something positive to put on the table if they're going to be able to do that for us.
Obviously I'm playing catch-up here Yes but if we're thinking outside the box, from a Legacy Perspective, the idea of a mosque in the Olympic Village could be a very positive thing in Legacy.
Right, yes Not going to happen.
I'm afraid that's going to be a red rag to a bull.
Absolutely, yes.
Especially if that is like a Christian bull or a French bull.
So I've been looking at the plans As time ticks away, Nick has come up with a solution which has the potential to be both urgent and special.
Swap it with this one over here altogether.
Er, Laundry Services.
Stands on its own, faces north-west.
The only building that does.
So Laundry Services becomes the Shared Belief Centre? Knock an entrance here, stick your whatever it's called, doodah, on the opposite wall here, facing Mecca.
You're laughing.
That is so cool.
With just over seven hours until the deadline, a plan is forming.
What's good about Sure.
It's not actually.
It's not actually a separate Totally.
Siobhan, I'm just going to say this.
Sure, OK.
I like that we're not talking of separate worship facilities but, on the other hand, we can say truthfully we've listened to their concerns and reassure them the Shared Belief Centre will be fully aligned with Islamic practices and faith.
Yeah, say that if you like.
I should maybe also just say that could work equally well from a Legacy point of view.
Well, good.
That's Yes, and beyond Legacy Can you go beyond Legacy? Beyond that, from a Sustainability perspective, I think it could be a beacon of inclusiveness for Sustainable Shared Believability post-Games across the whole of the Lower Lea Valley.
I really think that.
Great job, guys.
So that's all good.
This is a slam dunk.
Yeah, happy days.
Right, OK.
You can get me on the mobile any time obviously.
Absolutely, yes, right.
Unless there's anything else With one meeting over, Ian is on his way to the Olympic Park for a key meeting with a representative from Muslim Focus UK.
With the water at your flat Right.
Well, can it wait? I called Capital City Water.
Oh, no, Sally, you haven't! No, no, it's not a problem.
I called them and spoke to the Chief Executive.
Good God.
What did he have to say? He's in Africa at the moment so I had to wait for him to get back from a balloon trip.
He's on holiday? Yes, so the reception wasn't very good, but he did agree to send some emails in the end.
Even so, the earliest they can get your water put back on is tomorrow night.
Tomorrow night? Yes, or possibly Wednesday morning.
Oh, great! Yeah, it's annoying actually.
Um It's not my sister's fault she married Dick Dullard, the Dullest Man in Dulwich.
I said goodbye to him this morning and I am not going back there and saying hello again even if I end up washing in my own spit.
Um, if No, that's my stuff.
I don't want you to spend any more time on that, Sally.
You've done more than enough already.
No, no, but if OK, guys, let's do this.
Let's put the metal on the peddle here, people.
OK, I'd better go.
Yes, right.
I got you this, just in case.
Oh, right.
What's this? I just thought Caramel slice.
In case of an energy gap.
Sally, you are Wonder Woman without the Lycra, and I mean that in a tasteful way.
No, no, not a problem.
Sure, OK.
No, I get that, but here's the thing No, I'm totally looking at the statement now.
I've got it here.
No, but here's the thing with this, what does the Archbishop of Canterbury actually know about the Olympics, OK? As the crisis deepens, the Church of England has issued a statement urging the Olympic authorities not to favour any one single faith over any other during the Games, including faiths that are insisting on their own mosque.
I don't want to be controversial here but maybe he should just stick to Sussex, you know, I'm just putting it out there.
It's Kent, Siobhan.
Excuse me? Canterbury's actually in Kent.
OK, well, maybe he should stick to stuff like, I don't know, God, and leave But it doesn't matter whether God's in Sussex or Kent, you know.
Get over it.
That's not the point here.
Yes, I can talk.
It just depends what I've got to listen to.
No, that's ridiculous, I'm moving in tonight.
You'll have to courier them to Sally in the office now.
It's your Meanwhile, Ian has had a call from his estranged wife Laura who is refusing to forward the only set of spare keys to his new flat after they were mistakenly delivered to her address by the letting agents.
Don't care, you can keep my passport.
I'm not going anywhere.
I don't need a fucking driving licence.
I've got a bike.
I don't care.
I don't care.
Oh, right.
I see.
Right, brilliant.
So, he's currently stuck on the Central line due to routine signal failure at Mile End.
Yes, exactly.
Outside the entrance to the Olympic Park, Ian and Siobhan are now waiting for Saleem Ahmed from Muslim Focus UK.
OK, if we just make sure you've all got your personal ID to hand.
Speed things up.
ID? Either passport or driver's licence, you should have that with you.
Oh, right.
Well, I've got my ODC pass.
Have you tried using that as a passport or driver's licence? Well, no, it's an ID card.
So how's that going to work? Oh God.
Fucking brilliant.
OK, so we were thinking - and please say if this doesn't make sense Having eventually got onto the Olympic site, thanks to a call from Sally to the Home Office, Ian is in what was going to be the Laundry Services Building with consultant architect Mike Whitaker, who has been working exclusively on designs for the Olympic Village for the last four years of his personal life.
If it would be possible to make the main entrance somewhere in that wall OK, right which we've established faces north-west.
Then the idea would be to close up the entrance we've just come through.
I'm just talking broad strokes here.
Yeah, fine.
Then that would become the kiblah wall.
The what? Well, traditionally, the Yeah, you know what? Fuck it! So we block that up.
Yes, then put windows in where you feel appropriate.
If all that is actually possible, I think we're in some kind of shape.
Yeah, fine.
You seem very calm, Mike.
No, it's good for me to be calm.
It's total madness.
I mean, the guy's totally obsessed by bikes.
That's all he ever thinks about.
It's London he's Mayor of, a bloody great city.
It's not bloody Trumpton.
Back at the ODC, Head of Infrastructure Graham Hitchins is fighting his own battles with the Mayor's office over the issue of dedicated cycle lanes during the period of the Games.
The bike's problem in transport planning terms is an immediate category issue.
Category issue? Yeah, exactly.
I mean, when you think about it, the bike - nobody's being honest about this - basically, what a bike is, is actually a pedestrian with wheels.
And that's the problem.
Still, must get on, I suppose.
I mean, it's no good pretending, "Oh, look, it's a car.
Let's give it its own lane in the road.
" It's not a car.
I mean, that's like saying, "I'll strap a bloody great pair of wings on me and I'm an aeroplane.
" I'm not an aeroplane.
I'm me with a pair of wings on.
I mean, you wouldn't let me near the sky, would you? I wouldn't personally, no.
No, exactly.
It's madness, it's total depravity.
Depravity? Yeah, or, you know, whatever it is.
I think that's something different.
Meanwhile, back at the Olympic Village, Saleem Ahmed from Muslim Focus UK still hasn't arrived, but someone else has.
Wait a minute.
Who the hell's this guy? Oh, sure.
Siobhan! Hey, Rick! Hi! Hey.
It's so great to see you, Rick.
Wow! What is it? Oh, stop it! You've lost weight.
Get out of here! Oh, come on! I hardly recognise you.
How did you do that? You look sensational.
She looks sensational.
Hi, it's Richard.
Yes, hi.
So, Ian Fletcher, Richard Salter.
It's really good to meet you.
I'm sure you've lost weight as well.
Well, let's not Though can I say, if you haven't, you so don't need to.
Here's the thing with Rick.
Rick is a really cool guy, OK? Yeah.
Basically, he, like, runs their media office.
I don't even know if he's, like, a real vicar or anything.
But, Siobhan So he's like, "Siobhan, I'm totally happy to come out there to kick this shit around.
" And I'm like, "If you guys want to come and kick some shit, "have we got some shit for you!" Despite the public commitment to a multi-faith 2012, the situation has suddenly become much MORE multi-faith than Ian had bargained for.
Siobhan has invited her own guest.
So catastrophically stupid.
Any minute now, if he ever manages to get off the Central line, a guy from Muslim Focus UK is going to come through that door.
Key word in that sentence - Muslim.
This is a guy I've invited here specially, who is on our side and, in good faith and - in his case, there's that word Muslim again Cool in good faith, is going out of his way to try and help us avoid the real possibility of the Olympic Games completely unravelling in front of our eyes.
And the first thing he'll see when he arrives is us in a huddle talking body image with a guy wearing a dog collar.
Sure, OK.
He could so take that thing off.
He won't mind.
He's, like, way cool about that stuff.
He came to a party once as Olivia Newton Siobhan, please don't complete that sentence.
That's cool.
What will happen is, I stay here and deal with this clown as quickly as I can.
You go outside OK, cool.
No, I haven't finished yet.
You go out, sweep up Saleem Ahmed when he gets here and entertain him in your own special way until the coast is clear.
Got it? Sure, totally.
Yeah, good call.
No, I mean a lottery's a very democratic idea in principle and, of course, we all Richard Salter has worked in the media office of the Church of England for four years, despite being a real vicar.
But it doesn't help if you're in for 800 quid for Usain Bolt and you end up with tickets for women's asymmetric.
So, about shared worship facilities Oh, of course.
I'm sorry.
You must get that all the time.
Yes, I do, yes.
No, I mean poor you.
What an utter, utter car crash.
Ian has decided to brief Richard Salter on the situation as a way of getting him either on side or off site.
So this wall will, in fact, be facing Mecca for those who are particularly bothered about that.
Um, yeah, it's fascinating isn't it? It's kind of all about symbolism.
Exactly, yes.
Well it's exactly the same for us, with all churches kind of facing east at the holy end.
We may pull faces, Ian, but people really care about that stuff.
Yes, I know, Which is why I have to say that the idea of a Shared Belief Centre with the emphasis on shared, I guess, basically aligned with Mecca, with not one wall facing east Um, well, that's going to be ticklish, I'm afraid.
Ticklish? For us, yeah, I think so, sadly.
Whilst Ian has got his hands full with symbolism, Siobhan is busy both meeting and greeting their next guest who has finally arrived on site.
Hey, Ahmed, hey.
Siobhan Sharpe, Head of Brand, 2012.
Oh, right.
It's Saleem actually.
Saleem Ahmed.
Um, so, hey, thanks for coming down here all this way.
No, it's a pleasure.
Anything to help in this situation.
So listen, you got stuck on the Central line, right? Oh.
Wow! No, I mean, we completely get the mountain of crap you're wading through here.
We completely get that.
So in terms of positive ideas.
Well, I mean, I'm no architect.
No, but he is, though.
Hello there.
Mike Whitaker.
Hello, Mike.
Mike Whitaker, emergency architect.
Got to be a TV show in that surely.
Um, oh, this is probably crazy, I don't know, if this building was six-sided or something Oh, right, yeah.
Then you're kind of facing in every direction at once, which is pretty much position A for all of us, isn't it? Right.
I mean, Mike Yeah? Before we dismiss that, is that something we could actually consider? Yeah, when you say consider Could this be a six-sided building? Yeah.
I mean, I suppose, architecturally, without going into too much detail, the thing about this building is it's built.
We're standing in it.
But given the situation we're in, I suppose my question really is Well, no, it's the same question actually.
Could this be a six-sided building? Right.
If push comes to shove and it really HAD to be, could it? So, wait, you were actually at Mile End? No, we weren't at Mile End.
I think the problem was at Mile End.
OK, cool.
I get that.
So where were you? Well, we were actually stuck in a tunnel back at Bank.
OK, cool.
Bank, I know Bank.
Escalator City or what?! Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so, where did you actually get on? Bank.
No way! Yeah.
What are the chances? Well, it's my nearest station.
No! Really? Shut up.
'We recognise this is an issue that needs to be handled very sensitively.
'The guys from the Olympic Deliverance Commission are absolutely across this, 'but what I would say to the Algerians is that 'the Games are about multiculturality.
'Trust us, embrace the concept.
That's the underlying principle.
'Come to 2012, celebrate with us, 'and trust us to work our way through these details.
' 'Well, Katie, that was Lord Coe speaking' Right, sorry, Katie.
Yeah, sorry, Katie.
Well, at least he's got confidence in us.
Shows how much he knows.
Everybody, this is Ahmed.
Saleem Ahmed.
Hi, Saleem.
On the Olympic site, the meeting with Saleem Ahmed from Muslim Focus UK is at last getting under way.
The hope is that with his connections in the Muslim community, he could point the way towards a last-minute solution to the looming crisis.
But just to complete the picture, the big idea which we hope might unlock this whole thing, is for this to become a six-sided building.
OK, right.
Holy shit.
Which for a Shared Belief Centre seems somehow Yes.
Can I stop you right there? We love this, we love six sides.
I've spoken to some guys who are close to the Algerian Olympic Committee.
Oh, right.
And what I can say to you is that I know they'd like to call this boycott off.
Oh, good.
Yay! Yes, but I have to say, Dr Benhamadi is a very senior and respected figure in academic and government circles there.
Yes, I know he is.
And it doesn't exactly help that one of your guys referred to him as a giant Schnauzer in a teleconference with him.
No, absolutely.
That doesn't help.
Obviously we've made a very full official apology about that.
He so should have gone for, like, a black Labrador or like Yes.
Yes, OK.
Thanks, Siobhan.
I think basically any kind of dog at all in this particular context, that's not good.
No, absolutely.
So given where we are, they need something now, maybe some single clear gesture, that will make it easier for them to call this thing off with their pride and dignity still absolutely intact.
When you say a single, clear gesture I mean obviously I'm not an architect.
Yeah, hi.
Mike Whitaker, emergency architect, laughing in the face of physics.
I might as well just be honest with you guys, in the conversations that we've had, the thing that's come back again and again is the idea of a Minaret.
A minaret? Oh, right, yeah.
I know that might not be what you want to hear.
Well, no, that's And I know that'll mean problems with other religious groups.
But, basically, for what it's worth, that's what it's come down to now.
I mean, Mike, architecturally Ah, right.
Oh, OK.
I think he's gone.
He's so out of here.
So that's all good.
'One of the things they'll no doubt be discussing as the hours tick away, 'and we've got less than four hours now before the deadline expires, 'will almost certainly be exactly what it is the Algerians are after here in diplomatic terms.
'The big question is, of course, 'could they really have the power to start a domino effect here? 'We know that other countries like France, Morocco, Iran, even the United States, 'are looking very closely at the outcome of this and, if anyone of those were 'to actually pull out, then we would be looking at a potentially' Right.
That's quite enough of that.
Yeah, shut up.
It's eight o'clock, and back at the ODC they're running out of time, options and architects.
Any word on where the hell Mike Whitaker got to? Yes, no, he's not answering his mobile, so I've left a message with his wife Cos we really need his input now, I'm afraid.
Did she have any idea where he might be? Yeah, she said she thought he could be in a tunnel.
He's on a train? No, I said that but she didn't want to go into detail.
Well, if he ever comes out of it, can we get him here as soon as possible? Yes, sure, not a problem.
Um, Seb is on his way back from India now apparently.
Yes, I know.
I heard.
And we had a call from the Vatican earlier.
The Vatican? Yes.
Oh, great.
They can't be pulling out, surely.
They haven't even entered.
I said you'd call them back but I couldn't say when.
Brilliant, Sally.
Not a problem.
No, I'll call the Pope later.
I think I've got his number.
Would you like a mint? Er, yes, no, I think I would please, thanks.
I might just nip out for a quick Yes, right.
Make some calls, sort out tonight.
Yep, I mean, uh No, Sally, no.
No, no, I mean, it's not a Don't even think about it.
You've done way too much already.
No, I mean, uh, if you really did get stuck tonight I mean, you probably wouldn't, it probably isn't Right.
But if you did, there is always actually the spare room at my, uh Oh, well, Sally.
No, no, really, it's not a problem.
I really only use it to keep the running machine in, but I could easily move that out, or you could use it, if you wanted.
It's not a very good machine obviously.
I don't care.
I don't exactly need this crap tonight, Laura.
I need you to put them in a squishy envelope and As the team waits for architect Mike Whitaker to come out of his tunnel, there's time for Ian to make one last attempt to persuade his estranged wife Laura to forward the keys to his new flat.
I don't care.
Well, leave the back door I don't care.
I, I don't care.
OK, good.
Just before OK, let's stay positive here, guys.
Either we believe or we die.
It may feel a bit like we're in the last-chance saloon, but we We're at T minus 59 here, guys, so what we do is, we go in, we shoot this puppy, and we're out of here.
Let's keep calm, Siobhan.
Sure, Ian.
So, really, where we've got to with this It's come down to the issue of the minaret.
OK, here we go.
A monster with the body of a man and the head of a bull confined No, hang on, that's wrong.
That's different.
I think that's probably a Minotaur.
Yeah, it is.
There is less than an hour before the Algerian deadline passes.
A Minaret.
A tall slender tower attached to a mosque, having one or more projecting balconies, serving as a vantage point from which a mue-zin may summon the people to prayer.
Well, thanks, Graham.
That's helpful.
BOTH: Muezzin.
Muezzin? Muezzin.
Right, OK.
It's not that we don't actually want a minaret obviously.
No, because in terms of sustainability Yes, thanks, Kay.
But I'm afraid a visible minaret is just going to be seen by some, by those who Well, it's going to be seen by everybody.
Well, yes.
Exactly, yes.
It'll be seen as a provocative gesture.
So if there was just some kind of architectural compromise that could get us out of this sticky Hi.
Ah, Mike, hi.
Mike Whitaker, architectural compromise, established 1968.
Come in, have a seat.
With the Algerian midnight deadline now rapidly approaching, Mike Whitaker has finally appeared, armed with outline plans for the new six-sided Shared Belief Centre.
I mean, what about an indoor minaret? Right.
Indoor Oh, right, OK.
Is that, I mean, would that still count? Well, it's an interesting concept.
At least it wouldn't be as visible, so it wouldn't be, you know It wouldn't be a minaret.
Why don't we leave that on the table for the moment as a marker? Totally, let's leave that.
53 minutes.
Yes, thank you, Siobhan.
Have to hurry you here.
Yes, you are doing.
It's like Davina McCall gone wrong.
Could there be a form of retractable minaret? A retractable minaret? Would that be possible? No.
Yeah, just remind me how Something that could come up at certain times of the day and then go down again.
Oh, what, you mean like Teletubbies? Oh, right, yeah.
Right, OK.
We love Teletubbies.
Let's leave that on the table, too, shall we, for the moment? Yeah, why not? We're going to need a bigger table here.
Back to basics.
Let's start at the beginning again.
52, guys.
Mike, what have we got on the roof of the Laundry, you know, Belief Centre at the moment? At the moment, nothing.
Just a central heating duct.
A heating duct? Yeah.
Holy shit.
At the eleventh hour, out of nowhere, a potential solution may, at last, be taking shape.
I mean, we could make the shaft a bit higher, maybe bulk it out a bit.
You can have a lot of fun with cladding.
I know I have.
The deal would be they can have a minaret, as long as they don't tell anyone that's what it is and as long as we can say it's a heating duct.
Put a different cowling on the top, make it a bit more, you know, a bit more going on.
Guys, you are not going to believe this Oh, bugger! I've lost it.
What's all this red stuff? Yeah, no, sorry.
I think that's probably blood, actually.
Oh, right.
I had a bit of a moment with the hand dryer thing Right, that's it.
I'm sorry, Kay.
This isn't about Sustainability, obviously, but That's fine.
It's interesting, actually.
I think the whole hand-dryer thing is actually more of a Legacy issue so Er, hang on! Legacy? I really think that.
Right! "Minarets, also traditionally functioned as natural air-conditioning.
"As the sun heats the body of the building, air is drawn in through open windows then up "and out of the minaret, thereby providing ventilation.
" Right.
There you go.
No way! That's amazing.
Yeah, you can run your Android apps off that as well.
Well, so, a direct line from contemporary technology back to more traditional forms of, you know, vernacular Yeah, chimneys.
Totally, yep.
OK, so, I give you the Sacred Heating Duct.
Yayyy! NICK: Hellfire.
37 minutes.
Good job, guys.
Go, Islam! Yeah, fuck off, Norman Foster! IAN: Right, so Fuck off.
So that's all good.
With the new proposals put to the Algerians and a response not expected until the morning, all that's left for those of the team who have homes to go to is to go to them and wait to see if there's still an Olympics left to organise in the morning.
Hi, Sally.
Oh, hi.
You are still here.
Just, yeah, thought I should probably try and catch up with some bloody stuff.
Just to say, I did phone a hotel in the end.
Oh, right, yes.
This place I've stayed in before just near Clerkenwell.
It's OK, actually.
Oh, that's No, but they're full.
Oh, right.
Uh I mean, there are other hotels, obviously.
Yeah, absolutely.
London's full of them.
Yeah, all over the place.
But it is a bit late now.
Well So, I mean, if you were actually serious Er, yeah, yeah.
I really don't want to No, no, no, no.
That's But it could be a life-saver tonight.
At least I might be able to have a shower.
I'm going to stick my head in the dragon's mouth, I'm afraid.
The I'm going to go round and pick up the keys and stuff from Laura's on the way.
Right, yes.
In and out, surgical strike, finally draw a line under the whole sorry story.
Right, yes.
So what, shall I just see you there, then? Yeah, OK.
Good idea.
I mean, do you want to tell me where it is? Yes.
By the next morning, there have been significant developments overnight.
After studying the ODC's revised plans for the Shared Belief Centre, the Algerians have withdrawn their threat to boycott the Games.
So, no mosques and no minarets? These are terms I know you're keen to bandy around but, frankly, 'multiculturality isn't about semantics, 'It's about recognising in the real world that although, 'sometimes, we may be travelling on different roads, we are all heading for the same place, 'in this case, Stratford, E20, a pretty good place to be heading for.
'And we're very proud of that.
' In the Deliverance office, there's relief all round, even if there are some loose ends from last night still to be tied up.
Er, he sent a text just to say it'd got a bit late and he'd drunk too much wine to drive back to Shepherd's Bush so In the end, Ian didn't take Sally's offer of a spare room.
Um, probably wise, actually, yes.
And did he say what had happened? Er, no, he didn't actually say anything.
No, it was just a text anyway so And was that, so was that No, no, not a problem.
No, it's probably just as well actually, cos the shower doesn't work very well.
Um, I tried unscrewing the head but I didn't have any of that stuff so I ended up putting it in vinegar.
It's a bit better, but it's still a bit, er, comes out at funny angles.
I've been saying for ages actually I need to get a new one.
I just don't seem to have time.
Hey! No, really, please.
Speech! Yeah, speech, yeah.
Well, look, let's just OK, so, guys, listen up.
OK, here's the thing with this, here's what we did.
We came through here.
We showed up, we totally came to the party, we totally looked those guys in the eyes and we totally nailed them to the carpet.
Go, 2012.
Go, Team Us.
Yay! Right.
Well, that's all good.
For Ian this has been a tense but ultimately triumphant 24 hours, despite unexpected complications on his late-night mission to retrieve the keys to his flat from his estranged wife Laura.
I mean, I feel very guilty about Sally, obviously.
It all got a bit out of shape last night.
I won't go into fine detail.
But, basically, I was tired when I arrived, obviously, and I hadn't eaten and I ended up having one or two too many glasses of Australian Shiraz.
It was her idea, of course.
I don't even like Shiraz.
But anyway, one thing led to another and before we knew it, we were having the most incredible row.
In the end she lurched off upstairs and conked out somewhere and I ended up beached on the sofa all night.
I was still awake when it came light.
Still, I suppose it serves me right.
Not quite sure why.
So this isn't just a pan au raisin, more like a pan au raisin d'etre.
That's a point, actually.
Where is Sally? Um Anyone seen Sally?