Ugly Betty s01e13 Episode Script

Previously on "Ugly Betty" - Hello? - Hi, Daniel.
It's Betty.
Look, I need to talk to you about Sofia.
Perfect timing.
I just proposed.
- Christina, it was all a lie! - What are you talking about? Sofia set him up from the beginning.
She used Daniel to get her cover story.
"From fling to ring in 60 days.
" But thank you for being such a good sport.
I fully intend to take over the company sooner rather than later.
You manipulated me and you lied to my face about Daniel.
I quit.
Where's Daniel? He disappeared.
Look, mija, I know you're upset about leaving that big New York job, but you have to eat something.
I never should have taken that stupid position at Sofia's magazine.
I should've just stayed at "Mode.
" Yeah, aunt Betty.
I miss the swag.
Okay.
Is there a sign on my forehead that says, "crap here"? What's the matter with you? There's been an Herbalux recall.
They're pulling all the products just 'cause some housewives in Secaucus lost all their hair.
Why don't they just change what they put in their shampoo? They were using the hand cream.
The F.
D.
A.
is recalling the whole line.
I don't have a job anymore! Are you serious? Maybe Oprah can adopt us.
Wait a minute.
I used that hand cream.
Ay, what am I gonna do? I have bills, car payments These nails- they don't just happen.
I know how you feel.
- When I left "Mode"- - Ay, Betty! Please.
Enough with the "when I left 'Mode'"! Okay? This is totally different.
Herbalux was all I had.
You-you already have another job.
Betty, that 4-top wants chips.
Now.
You're right.
Sometimes I forget how lucky I am.
I've got e-mails, voice mails, phone records and the location of the wrecked car- everything you'd need to put Bradford away for Fey Sommers' death.
$1 million.
Do I look like I'm made of money? Frankly, lady, I don't know what you look like, but that figure's nonnegotiable.
Oh, and you got 24 hours.
Leaves a bit of a stench, doesn't he? He still has what we've been looking for.
You do realize that once I hand over the money, we need to be ready for an immediate takeover.
You could be editor in chief of "Mode" as soon as monday.
If there's anybody at that magazine you can't trust, it's time to fumigate.
I only used it once, and I woke up looking like this! I'm getting married on saturday.
Hey, he's still marrying you with that nose.
Bald ain't gonna make that much of a difference.
I don't think you need another one of these.
I'm done.
I'm done.
Let's just go home.
Can you help me fake a résumé? Well, I would, but I was planning on going into the city.
Daniel's coming home from Rio tomorrow, and I thought the least I could do was stock his fridge and pick up his dry cleaning.
Why? You're not his assistant anymore.
I know.
I just none of this would've happened if it wasn't for me.
I'm the one who pushed him to propose to Sofia.
I just wanna make coming home a little easier for him.
Betty, you're such a good person.
You have a chip in your hair.
Mm, thank you.
Very nice.
Very nice.
Very nice.
Oy, Scotty! What are you doing, you paisley-wearing worm? Yearbook committee.
Robyn in styles? Oh, she's got a good eye for vintage.
I need her for the layouts.
She stays.
By the way, when you move into Daniel's office, I am not sitting in Betty's old chair.
This bum don't slum.
That's not what heard.
- Next.
- Christina.
I will need a talented seamstress.
Her work is impeccable.
But I can't understand a word she's saying.
'Ave a crumpet, guv'nor.
So annoying.
But then again, she's the only one on the planet who knows my real measurements.
So Question mark.
And next - Auf wiedersehen, Amanda.
- Of course.
Unless She's Daniel's girl.
What has she ever done for me? She leaves when he leaves.
Right, but she could You're gonna miss your little beard.
How cute.
No.
Next.
Willie Daniel broke her heart.
She's not loyal to him.
She's just working her way up the ladder.
But until she proves her loyalty to me, she's out.
And speaking of disasters, it's time for our daily dose of Daniel.
Still no sign of recently dumped playboy Daniel Meade.
Rumor has it he's in Brazil, licking his wounds and anything else that walks by.
Meanwhile his ex Sofia Reyes was seen saunt- God, what died in here? Daniel! Hey.
So how's Rio? Uh, it's bueno.
I can't believe you never went to Rio.
You sent me a postcard, like, every other day.
"Weather's beautiful.
I'm doing great.
Hey, gotta go.
It's lambada time.
" What did you want me to write- "I'm hiding underneathy bed, curled up in the fetal position.
Wish you were here"? Ugh, Daniel, please.
Nobody cares what happened.
Look, I know you're in pain, okay? But you can't hide from the world forever.
Next week is fashion week, and the magazine needs you.
Look at you.
What? "Fashion week.
" Five months ago, you thought Cavalli was a kind of pasta.
Yeah, so did you.
We've both come a long way, huh? How are things at "M.
Y.
W.
"? You learning a lot from her? Yeah, well, I couldn't work for her after what she did to you, so - I quit.
- You did? Well, would it be really childish of me to high-five you right now? Yeah.
You know, Betty, when I go back to "Mode," maybe I don't know- maybe you could come back with me? Are you serious? Wait, but you already have an assistant.
No, you let me handle Amanda.
I'm still the editor in chief.
I can have two assistants.
Right? You're really into this high five thing, aren't you? - Good morning! - Good morning.
Good morning.
- Ooh, your famous cupcakes.
- They're for my teacher.
Kid's getting a "D" in math.
Time to kiss butt.
Thank you.
Mom! Are you driving me, or what? Okay, I got four different interviews today.
Which one? I think I'm taking the bus.
Fine.
Bye.
Okay, you guys.
What do you think? Well, they're both very nice.
Sweetheart, you have intelligence, ambition.
You don't need to resort to this.
Look at my résumé.
- The purple one.
- Thank you.
Hey! Father in the room.
Father in the room.
Hey, have they filled that position at Burrito King yet? Hilda, trust me.
You are way too good to be the Chip Chick.
I bet you're excited to go back to "Mode," huh? Yes! I missed it so much- the excitement, the people.
Well, some of the people.
A few of the people.
Okay-Christina.
And that Henry guy? Yeah, we haven't even spoken since the Christmas party.
It's probably for the best.
I bet you he's one of those Wall Street types- $100 haircuts, dating 10 girls at once.
No.
That's not Henry.
But Walter-aw.
Now he's a guy you could settle down with.
So how did I know if I'm settling down, or if I'm just settling? Hilda Nipple.
I know.
I'm so sorry.
Okay, boss.
Ready to Oh, no.
I don't think I can do this.
I mean, what if I run into her at work? We're in the same building, Betty.
So you run into her, and it sucks, and it's weird, and you keep going, and I'll be there if you need me.
Come on.
Now can we discuss this cheeto tan? What? I was supposed to be in Rio for two weeks.
You look like an Oompa Loompa.
Okay, what floor are we on now? Uh, 3rd.
Only 25 to go.
Daniel, come on.
This is crazy! You're not gonna run into Sofia on the elevator.
This isn't about Sofia.
It's about getting your heart pumping.
You can do it.
Just go.
Save yourself.
You do know he's coming back, right? It's been two weeks, and nothing.
If there's gonna be a new issue on the stand next month, someone's gotta be editor in chief around here.
Ca-caw! Ca-caw! Ca-caw.
What are you squawking about? It's our secret bird code.
What secret bird code? Oh, wait.
I'm doing that with someone else.
Daniel's back! - What?! - What?! Hey, everyone.
- Daniel! - Daniel! - Daniel! You look good! It's been forever, huh? - Wow, I can't believe it! - I can't believe it's been so long.
Uh, fabulous tan! Did you get something done? What'd you bring us back from Brazil? Surprise! We should hit it with a bat, see if candy falls out.
So basically, I'll just have two assistants now.
But I'm in charge, right? It's more of a partnership, really.
Exactly I'm in charge.
When one of you is busy, the other one can just pick up the slack.
It'll be great.
Totally get it.
In charge.
So do you wanna go over your messages? Uh, sure.
Five minutes? Actually, I'd love a coffee and a bagel.
Thanks a whole bunch.
He'd love a coffee and a bagel.
Thanks a whole bunch.
Well, if anything does open up, I'm always available.
Okay, well, keep me in mind.
I'm a very fast learner and a- The position's already been filled? In two hours.
Everyone wants to be Chip Chick.
Yeah, Ms.
Suarez we looked at your résumé, and unfortunately- Hi, Hilda.
This is Mrs.
Simmons from P.
S.
350.
Thank you again for those cupcakes.
Tell your father they're amazing.
I'd pay money for them.
So I've sorted your mail according to three categories- people who are kissing your ass, people whose asses you should be kissing and people whose asses are, like, huge.
Oh, and here are your periodicals Oh! Uh, no.
Not this one.
Uh, not this one either.
Uh I'm gonna go fire the mail room.
One onion bagel, slightly toasted, light cream cheese.
I don't know if you know this, but the space underneath your desk is very good for hiding in the fetal position.
I can stand guard if you wanna give it a try.
I'm-I'm fine, Betty.
Really.
Okay, then.
There is a swimsuit casting session at 10:00.
I'm assuming you wanna go.
Wilhelmina can take that.
What? Daniel, no.
You love casting sessions.
Hotties Big boobs.
Please don't ever say "boobs" again.
I've just-I've been gone for a few weeks.
I- you know, got a lot to catch up on.
I'm fine, really.
Okay, but eat something please.
God, he's in so much pain.
Oh, he's fine.
No, he's not.
He turned down going to a modeling session.
We gotta get him back on the horse.
Trust me.
He spent the last two weeks riding every horse in Rio.
I'm talking about building up his confidence again.
He doesn't have a confidence problem.
Well, there was this one time, but he was really drunk- Okay, stop.
put it on his schedule.
I'm gonna get Daniel a new horse to ride.
That didn't sound as dirty in my head.
Ooh, somebody like Jennifer Aniston would be amazing.
Betty, fixing up Daniel is not part of your job description, is it? I know, I know.
I just feel so guilty.
What about Tara Reid? Lovely- dinner with Tara Reid, breakfast at the free clinic.
Mm.
You're right.
Oh! Gisele-I wish I could make that happen.
Gisele would make Daniel forget about Sofia.
So do it.
What do you mean, "so do it"? It's Gisele.
It's not like we go to the same laundromat.
Don't be such a numpty.
You phone her representative and you arrange a dinner date.
Celebrities do that? Where do you think Tom and Katie hooked up? Church? Hey, that's beautiful.
Who made that? Little magic sewing mice.
They're very good.
Now go on.
Run along.
Go and fix up your date, you wee pimp.
No this is one of your designs, isn't it? It's gorgeous.
Do you think? I'm submitting it for the "Mode" show at fashion week- "Ten designers to watch.
" Oh, my god! You're totally gonna get in.
It's gonna be the beginning of your huge career.
Betty, settle.
I enter it every year.
There's thousands of applicants, and the one who picks who gets in- Wilhelmina.
Well, she'll die eventually.
No, she won't.
Papi! You are never gonna believe what happened.
- You got a job? - Better.
I got my own company- "Grandma Suarez's cupcakes.
" - What? - Yeah! I took some of your cupcakes to the Roosevelt diner.
They flipped for them.
They wanna sell them there.
- My cupcakes? - Yeah.
They need a hundred of them by 5:00 a.
m.
tomorrow.
This could launch me in a whole new direction.
I could be the latina Mrs.
Fields.
Come on, you've got work to do! But grandma Suarez was gonna watch his stories.
What's this? It's your desk.
Ooh, it matches your muumuu.
Don't you just love? - It has wheels.
- I know.
You can sell pretzels from it during your break.
Hi.
I understand Daniel's back.
Yes, uh, Mr.
Meade.
He is in his office.
Thanks.
Thank you, sir.
How was Brazil? Good, yeah.
Just got a little too much tun.
Nice of you to come back for fashion week, since you are editor in chief of a fashion magazine.
Yeah, wouldn't miss it.
You better not.
After all your bad press recently, you need to be out there in a positive light.
And next time you think about disappearing for two weeks, maybe you could give your mother a call.
Let her know you're not dead.
She's lost one son already.
Wow, so it's that easy.
Gisele looked at Daniel résumé and she'll go out with him.
She's gonna do it.
Okay.
So, um, Daniel will meet her at 8:00 at the front street café in Brooklyn Heights.
Great.
That stumpy troll is totally trying to upstage me.
She set Daniel up with a supermodel.
Well, stop her.
Wheel her little cart right out the window.
And while you're at it, push Daniel out, too.
Why would I do that? 'Cause it'll prove your loyalty to Wilhelmina.
Oops.
Did I say that out loud? Good.
What? Come here.
Oh, my god.
My hair looks terrible.
What is this? In the next few days, something big is going to happen at "Mode," and when it does, Wilhelmina's going to be in charge.
And when she is, these are the people who are staying and these are the people who get the Jimmy Choo.
- The what? - The boot.
- What? - Gone.
- Huh? - Later skater.
I'm on the out list.
I've never been out.
That's what I'm saying.
You have to screw over Daniel in order to stay.
I can't do that.
Daniel gave me this opportunity.
This could be a real stepping-stone for me.
It'll be stepping-stone to the unemployment line! You have to prove your loyalty to the queen.
You? Wilhelmina.
Gisele? And-and me? Just think-if you become a big power couple, they'll call you "Gis-aniel.
" But I don't wanna be set up with anyone.
I'm-I'm-I'm not there yet, Betty.
Daniel, I am just trying to help you move forward.
A nice date will remind you what a catch you are.
I don't have any small talk left in me.
Okay, just picture it- you and Gisele at a table by the window.
Someone tips off the paparazzi.
They show up, take a few pictures Aren't there enough pictures of me already? No, not of the new you- the-the confident Daniel Meade, thriving on the arm of a supermodel.
And who knows? Maybe even Sofia will see them.
Well, I guess I do have to eat.
Yes! Okay! Let's get you a new shirt, 'cause you're a little orange around the collar.
If you need us, we're in the closet.
Great.
Can you believe it? He's asking Betty for dating advice.
That's like asking Britney Spears for parenting tips.
Oh, I love her.
Back to you.
He will always take Betty's word over yours.
Right.
You wanna know what team I'm on? I'm on the team that's staying.
Yes.
It's totally ringing.
Hi.
This is Betty from Daniel Meade's office.
I'm so sorry for the late notice, but could you please let Gisele know that Daniel won't be able to make it tonight? That's right.
Okay.
We'll call back to reschedule.
Thanks.
Bye.
The bitch is back.
Wait till Wilhelmina sees the pictures in "Page Six" tomorrow- Daniel Meade stood up in front of the entire world.
Right this way, sir.
Here's your table.
Thank you.
Sir, did you want me to get rid of them? Uh, no, it's-it's fine.
My date'll be here any minute.
It's, uh, it's Gisele.
Model.
Supermodel.
Come on, Mrs.
Lee.
We gotta "Wang Chung, party party" tonight.
One more batch, we let you go home.
Ay, papi! It's not a Picasso.
It's a cupcake.
Let's move it! Oh, my god.
I once had a dream like this.
Stop talking.
Pick up a spoon.
Mom, I can't do this anymore.
My hand hurts, and I have homework.
Okay, look.
You're-you're mixing flour, milk and sugar.
It's chemistry! Psst.
Psst.
Help us.
I had a shooting pain in my arm an hour ago, and she told me to walk it off.
What? Hilda, what are you doing? It's my new business.
I was tired of losing out on all these crap jobs to college graduates, so I'm selling dad's cupcakes! It's Herbalux out, and grandma Suarez in.
Okay, you know that you cannot run a real business out of our kitchen.
You need permits, you need insurance- Hey, you're not the only one who gets to dream big, Betty.
Why don't you try supporting me? You know, I got a kid to take care of.
Now if you will excuse me, I have to go motivate my staff.
Hey, Daniel.
What do you mean she's not there? Well, it's only 8:05.
She'll be there.
Okay, okay, okay.
Calm down.
I'll make a call.
Sir do you mind if I take this? Uh, yes, actually, I do.
She'll be coming any minute.
Gisele the supermodel.
Daniel.
Does he know what Gisele looks like? Please tell me she's standing right behind you.
She's not coming.
What? Why didn't you call me? And have you walk out of here alone? In front of them? Now just take this and smile.
Why? Because they don't need to know you've just been stood up.
As far as they know, you're having a harmless business dinner with your adorable, witty assistant to discuss her much-deserved raise.
This is exciting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
No, no.
Yes! Okay, yes.
Oh yeah.
No, no.
Yes.
Do you wanna do the honors? You did the right thing, Amanda.
Did the paparazzi see us? Did we lose them? Did we lose the paparazzi? I love saying "paparazzi.
" I feel so famous.
Yeah, they're gone.
They think we're in the town car.
They're gonna follow it right back into the city.
Decoy.
Nice move.
Oh, there's only one problem.
What? We don't have a town car now.
It's fine.
We'll hail a cab.
We could walk.
I mean, it's a nice night.
Not exactly in any rush to get back to an empty apartment.
Okay.
Cool.
So how'd you enjoy the dinner? I thought it was good.
The snails were pretty good.
- You liked them? - Yeah.
Here.
Have mine.
Whoa.
You know what? I'm gonna buy you a slice.
Come on.
I could use a slice.
Did our smelly little friend bring you the evidence? I have it on my desk right now.
Now all we need is someone to deliver it to the police- someone who is not connected direly to you I assume these will end up on my desk again this year.
Doesn't hurt to apply, does it? Christina, as much as I'd love to help you, there's only room for ten up-and-coming designers for the show.
Oh this is somewhat, um interesting.
Really? Because, well, I did try something that was a bit different, so Last year your designs were a bit too bohemian.
Your exact words were "hippie hideous.
" It's not just about the designs.
Christina, it's about the designer.
What do you mean? Don't be afraid of office politics.
Do favors for the right people.
You just might get rewarded at the end.
Unfortunately, that is the cruel reality in this business.
Okay, you can stop right there.
I know exactly how you work, Wilhelmina.
Well, I'd rather make it on my own.
Thanks.
Admirable, but stupid.
It's too bad.
Those were your best designs yet.
But you are a wonderful seamstress.
# Volare # # Whoa, oh # # Cantare # # Whoa, oh, oh, oh # You're thinking about her? You know you're in bad shape when a tone-deaf, karaoke-singing truck driver reminds you of your ex.
I know this sound weird, but I actually think that in some ways, you're pretty lucky.
I am curious to hear where you're going with this one.
Daniel, you opened your heart.
You put yourself out there.
You were ready to make that leap.
- Betty, come on- - I mean it.
I'm envious.
I wish I knew what that felt like- to find someone who makes you wanna swim across the East River in january.
Yeah, but don't you have that with, uh Walter.
No, no, I'm talking about, uh, Henry- the guy from accounting.
No, no, no.
He doesn't think about me that way.
Are you serious? Betty, I've seen the way he looks at you.
Believe me, I know that look.
I mean, he's totally into you.
Number 34, you're up! Oh! Wipe your mouth.
That's us.
What are you talking about? Did you sign us up? It's half-off if you sing.
Yeah, but I'm rich.
# They say we're young, # # and we don't know # # We won't find out until we grow # # Well, I don't know # # if all that's true # # 'Cause you got me, # # and, baby, I got you # # Babe # # I got you, babe # # I got you, babe # # They say our love # # won't pay the rent # # Before it's earned, # # our money's all been spent # # I guess that's so, # # we don't have a pot # # But at least I'm sure # # of all the things we've got # Say hi to your husband.
Take him some cupcakes! # I got you, babe # # I got you babe # # I've got flowers # # In the spring # # I've got you # # To wear my ring # # And when I'm sad # # you're a clown # # and if I get scared # # you're always around # # I got you, babe # # I got you, babe # # I got you, babe # Papi! I'm mixing.
I'm mixing.
What time is it? Check it out-$180! And the best part is, they doubled our order for tomorrow.
We are officially in with the Roosevelt diner.
$180? Let me run the numbers by you, Hilda.
Materials, ingredients, the new mixer this little money-making scheme so far has set us back $230.
We are investing in our future.
Grandma Suarez's future involves a pillow and a blanket.
No, no, no, no, no.
You cannot quit on me now.
I need this to work.
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
I'm exhausted.
Fine.
Fine.
You know what? I will make the cupcakes myself.
Mija, if you believe you can do it, I believe you can do it.
That green thing that's the oven.
Is it hot? I can't believe I've never crashed a wedding reception before.
What an amazing way to get free cake.
And bridesmaids.
That blonde chick was totally into you.
- You have to call her.
- Oh, yeah.
Promise me that you're gonna call her.
- I'll say "boobs" again.
- All right, we'll see Maybe.
Wow.
I'm not used to seeing the city from across the river.
Really? It's the only way I've ever seen it.
Wow.
It's almost as good as a blizzard.
What do you mean? You know, when the city stops, and there's this silence and everything kind of sparkles.
Next time I can't sleep, I'm coming right back to this exact spot.
I'll be on this bridge.
Call me.
I'll meet you.
You know, my brother used to do that- stay up partying all night, then he'd find some after-hours in Chinatown and call me, tell me to meet him there.
You don't really talk about him very much.
I guess I don't really think of Alex as being gone More like he's on some endless trip around the world.
How did he He jumped out of a helicopter to ski down mount Juno.
He found chairlifts tedious.
Well, I bet you really miss him.
At least he died the way he lived.
If there was no risk involved, Alex wasn't into it.
So what's stopping you from going after this Henry guy, hmm? Oh, god.
Please, Daniel.
It's not worth talking about.
Why not? I don't feel like competing with a model who weighs less than my shoes.
What model? Aerin.
He kissed her at the Christmas party.
I saw them.
- Aerin.
- Your ex.
That's who you're worried about? She must have kissed six other guys that night, Betty.
I mean, for her, it's like saying, "where's my coat?" Yeah, well, it didn't look that way to me.
Fine.
You can make excuses if you want, but you're better than any model, Betty much better.
Eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs, eggs- I need eggs.
I need more milk.
You're up? I never went down.
I have a big order tomorrow.
Where were you? All over.
Brooklyn, mostly.
- With who? - Daniel.
I met him for dinner, and the food sucked, so he took me for pizza, and then we just hung out.
Are you insane? You went on an all-night date with your boss? No, it wasn't a date.
First you set your sights on some guy in accounting, and now you're chasing after a man whose wristwatch costs more than our house! It was a business dinner, and you know what, Hilda? Some people think it's okay for me to aim high.
What's that smell? Oh, my god! Oh, I can't believe this! The timer never went off! Do you have a clean pan? There's some batter here- Oh, forget it! I can't even make a freakin' batch of cupcakes! I'm 30 years old.
I got no employable skills.
Everybody else went to college.
I had a kid.
- What are you trying to say? - I don't know.
Look, don't get me wrong.
Justin Justin is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
But sometimes I can't help but wonder what my life would have been like if I'd never- Hilda, stop it.
You are an amazing mother.
Great.
How much does that pay an hour? You're just going through a transition period.
You needed this change.
You're gonna come out the other side better than ever.
- Gotcha! - Oh, Betty.
Hey.
What are you doing here? We're done with this.
You can't take the stairs forever.
Don't be so smug.
I'm not the only one who's trying to avoid someone.
You know, I don't think I want to avoid him anymore.
So if a woman didn't want to be a seamstress her whole life, what exactly would she have to do? You make it all sound so unseemly.
I just have a small favor to ask of you.
Drop this off at the nearest police station anonymously.
What did you do with my cart? Did you put it in the men's room again? You don't need it anymore.
This is your desk.
What? Betty, it doesn't matter if you're sitting in a chair or a stool or a donkey.
You're Daniel's assistant his only one.
Really? Yeah.
The only thing this one and I have in common is that we both what's best for you.
I'd really like my old job back with a raise, of course, seeing that I am now way overqualified.
Well okay.
Sounds fair.
Oh, and when you're done getting settled, I would love a bagel.
That might take a minute.
I missed my chair.
Hey! "Mode" magazine.
How may I direct your call? And the evidence? It's being delivered as we speak.
Never underestimate the power of ambition.
I never do.
Well? Hmm looks like that skiing accident really paid off Alex Meade.
Alexis, darling.
It's Alexis now.