Ugly Betty s04e08 Episode Script

In 1907, a professional swimmer named Annette Kellerman dared to wear a fitted one-piece swimsuit on a beach in Boston, instead of the cumbersome dress and pantaloon combination that was popular for women at the time.
She was arrested for indecency.
As someone who has always been known to make daring fashion choices, I see a lot of myself in her.
So, what Ms.
Kellerman designed was the precursor to all modern swimsuits.
So, not only would she be a fascinating feature subject, but we could do a whole accompanying photo spread.
"A Hundred Years of Swimwear.
" And I got the suit.
Unitards don't really scream sexy.
More like 1970s magician.
That's the first smart thing you've said since half the staff had to rescue you from a cult.
Snap! I'm sorry, were we keeping that a secret? Betty, write the feature.
No photos, please.
And since we are on the subject of the swimsuit spread, everyone knows we're shooting in the Bahamas.
That is, essential employees only.
Matt Hartley will be drawing up the list, so stop sending me tacky flowers and do your sucking up to him.
I'm fine with tacky flowers or, better yet, cupcakes.
Basically, I can be bought.
That's all.
This will be my last shoot at Mode.
I've told you many times before that people will die at my hands if things are not perfect.
And this time, I ain't playing.
She ain't playing! Oh, that was fun.
Scaring the minions for sport one last time.
It's not for sport, Marc.
I'm serious.
Okay.
I thought you just might want to take it easy in the Bahamas, what with the Connor and Nico fallout.
Fallout? My daughter betrayed me, the love of my life died.
All things considered, a bad day.
I'm sorry, Willie.
If you want to talk about it Do I look like a girl? Now is not the time to take things easy.
You're only as good as your last shoot.
The magazine business is shrinking, and I am not cheap.
One of the only C-words in the English language never used to describe you.
The other one's "cuddly.
" Well, fortunately, the editor-in-chief of Isabella is stepping down due to life-threatening health issues.
And I have it on good authority that the job is between me and Penelope Graybridge.
Penelope Graybridge? I've heard of her.
She's beautiful and unstoppable.
And she's a junkie.
Try to get her picture on one of those "I Lost Me to Meth" billboards.
This job is my only option.
I didn't really mean it when I told people to bribe me.
- Didn't you? A little bit? - Well, maybe a little bit.
But with one spot left, I thought I'd get some better stuff.
This is just stolen office supplies.
- Hey, that's my stapler! - Not anymore.
I'll trade you.
- Oh, my God.
You, too? - It's not a bribe.
I mean, yes, I would love to go to the Bahamas, but I'm not essential to the shoot.
This is just a thank-you gift for helping me get Daniel out of the cult.
You're a good friend.
So, we're really friends? Yeah, I think we're friends.
Don't you? Yeah, definitely.
Friends.
Great.
I've got to get back to work.
Thanks for the pail.
Yeah.
Thanks for the stapler.
Justin, you've got to come in here! They just gave these people their new house, and there's, like, 18 people shaking uncontrollably.
Hey, Bobby, what are you doing here? I just came to get some water, you know.
Oh, no, no, no, not this show, Hilda.
This makes me cry like a baby.
Turn it off.
Even though chicks kind of dig it when you cry, right? Hey, don't call girls "chicks.
" You hear me? All right.
I'm gonna go do my homework.
So, why did you drive Justin home? High school can be rough, you know? I just want to make sure nobody bothers the kid.
Not on my watch.
See? You try to act all tough-guy, but I've always known there's a big softy under there.
Ooh.
Bicep.
It's not so soft.
- All right, I got my water, I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
Okay.
Come back if you get thirsty again.
Hey, I left something out of your gift.
It's all of your favorite colors.
Wait, where's Betty's stapler? Okay, you can use that bikini, but not that model.
You know what? You came in at the perfect time.
I'm just finishing my list for the Bahamas and I've got one spot left.
- How would you like to go? - But You can be an associate stylist for the shoot.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God, a promotion! Thank you! Okay, but I have to ask you.
Is this just a work thing? 'Cause you're kind of big on the mixed signals.
I know.
I'm sorry.
Look, I have a great time when we're together.
But sometimes it's hard to think about you and me when other people are around.
So it might be nice to get together, away from other people.
I totally agree.
We're talking about Betty, right? Amanda? Amanda? Amanda? Amanda's going to the Bahamas.
Mmm.
I wonder what she's gonna do there.
I guess she could not answer the phones at Atlantis as well as she doesn't answer them here.
Did you not notice how I hunched my shoulders and averted my gaze upward when you approached? Learn how to recognize social cues.
Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Just getting coffee.
Coworker coffee, not I-want-to-sleep-with-you coffee.
Subtle.
Okay, that was weird.
Is something going on between them? Here's another social cue.
That means I'm not going to talk to you.
Marc, you know something.
And you might as well just tell me, or I'll just chase you out of the elevator and through the streets.
Okay, fine.
But only because you have sturdy legs, and I'm in heels today.
I will tell you one thing and one thing only.
Amanda has wanted to tap Matt for a while now.
And they went on a date recently.
And they're probably gonna hook up in the Bahamas.
Hey, look at that, I told you everything.
You know, Amanda and I were roommates.
Isn't there, like, a girl code that says you can't go after your ex-roommate's ex-boyfriend? She has not inhaled since you left.
And Matt! It's so obvious that he kept me off the list because he didn't want to feel guilty about sleeping with her.
No! Language.
- I've heard the word "sleep" before.
- I thought you were over Matt.
- I am over Matt.
- She's not over him.
Well, you know, if I was you, I would get myself to the Bahamas, grab a fistful of that skank's hair, and take back my man.
I don't want to go to the Bahamas.
That way, I don't have to have their relationship shoved in my face.
I wish me and Archie could go to the Bahamas.
A little island vacation, that is exactly what we could use - to get the juices flowing.
- Okay, that I don't need to hear.
I can get you the Mode rate, if you want.
You'd love it.
They're putting everyone up at the Cove Atlantis.
Ooh.
Oh, my God.
You have to go! - Shakira's gonna be there this week! - I love her.
She goes under the name Sidney Lumpkin.
And I need you to get this signed for me.
Yeah.
Is that cute! You got married! Oh, my goodness.
Aw.
My photoshopped life is so much better than my real one.
So cute.
I'm not going to the Bahamas.
Is it just my imagination, or is everyone around me pointing and whispering? Don't worry, they'll stop once it grows back out.
I was talking about the cult.
But thanks, now I know - how you feel about my haircut.
- Sorry.
I should probably just lay low until this whole thing blows over.
Come on, Daniel, who cares? You're about to go to the Bahamas! Given everything you've just been through, I think you should do the exact opposite.
Get out there.
Try and be your old self again.
Wait, wait, you used to be pretty judgmental of my old self.
Wait.
In fact, you're the one who coined the term "man-slut.
" Come on, people were calling you a man-slut way before me.
And you know what? Being a little man-slutty might be therapeutic.
I feel stupidly old-fashioned, but I just can't do the collars the way you do.
Thank you.
Now, get me my beer, woman.
You are gonna more than thank me in a second.
I've got a surprise for you! Okay.
Now? I mean, I just showered, but, yeah.
Hey.
No, not that.
Here! Atlantis, Paradise Island? Yes! Betty can get us a discount.
Justin is gone with friends for the weekend.
So I figured it would be a good way for us to, you know, reconnect.
Hilda, I can't.
I have a strategizing meeting upstate this weekend.
And it might look bad to voters, too, you know? Taking a vacation in this economy.
It's not a vacation.
It's two days! Come on, you know I would go if I could.
But at least now you won't have to deal with all my weird germ issues, like not being able to touch a hotel bedspread, right? Right? Yeah, okay.
Do what you need to do.
All right, I'll see you later.
All right? Hey, Matt.
Which heels go better with my bikini? These or these? I like those.
Oh.
You're not gonna wear that on the plane, are you? You're right.
I'll freeze.
Hi, do you have my messages? That's great.
Be sure to pack the portfolios in my carry-on.
- I want us to work on the flight.
- Wouldn't want any downtime.
And do not pack your bathing suit.
I don't want any temptation to relax.
- God forbid.
- What is up with the muttering? Why do you seem dissatisfied serving me? Because it's not fair, Willie.
Everyone else is going to be there having fun except for us.
And what's the point? We don't even have jobs to come back to.
Marc, I will get that position at Isabella, and, as usual, you will be my assistant.
- Think positive.
- I am.
I am positive I need a vacation.
Oh, I meant to mutter that.
Congratulations, Betty.
You're going on a trip.
And this time, you won't be hidden in a wheel.
You're working for me in the Bahamas.
Muttery, you just got a vacation.
Actually, I don't think I can.
We leave with tomorrow's group.
Whoo! I see myself in your glasses.
So Yeah.
Wow, this place is beautiful.
Can I just take a second to drink this in? I certainly hope you're not wasting time drinking in your surroundings.
Well, the first photo shoot starts in less than an hour.
If anyone tells you there's something called "island time," drown them in their daiquiri and poke their eyes out with the umbrella.
- Got it.
- I also need you to find a wrangler for the models.
They need constant supervision.
I don't want anyone tanned or bloated.
I'm on it.
I'm sensing a personal life here.
Stop it immediately.
I need your giant head in the game.
I've been here for five minutes and I've already seen Matt and Amanda all over each other.
I don't know how I'm gonna avoid them.
Well, then, don't.
Matt and Amanda are the ones who have explaining to do.
I say put yourself out there and make them confess to you.
I never thought of it that way.
- Ms.
Lumpkin, your room is ready now.
- Thank you.
Hold on.
Excuse me.
Shh! Please don't say anything 'cause nobody knows I'm here.
I got it.
I love you so much! Thank you.
Oh, my God, I just ran into Shakira! Shakira? I'm jealous.
Love you.
Bye.
I'm freezing to death, papi.
Please, if you loved me, you'd let me be warm.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no.
Bobby? Hey, Hilda, this was on the floor of my car.
Justin must have left it, you know? Whatever.
Come in.
I can't talk right now.
The knob broke off! I tried to turn it up 'cause it's like Alaska in here, but of course it broke.
- Look.
- Look at this.
Look, let me take a look at it.
Oh, this is the worst weekend of my life.
I should be in the Bahamas right now.
But, no, my boyfriend has to, like, strategize or something.
And miss you in a bikini? That's a bad call.
All right.
Look, come on.
Paper towels? You're crazy.
All right, all right.
You know what to do? You kidding me? I've done this a million times.
All right? Just got to turn this little thing Ow! Damn! Why'd you turn that up so high? Ooh, a bikini, how fresh.
We'll set the fashion world on fire with this.
And this one doesn't know what it wants to be.
It's the Anne Heche of swimwear.
Get rid of all of them.
I want new options.
Has one thing gone right today? We found a wrangler for the models.
And they're terrified of her.
The locals say she caught a shark with her bare hands.
Breaking news! Fashion alert! Ooh! Ooh! Hover over the shoulder of the photographer.
His confidence is bugging me.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
It is with humble gratitude that I announce my new position as editor-in-chief of Isabella magazine.
Penelope Graybridge.
And I couldn't have done any of it, without my beautiful daughter and my husband.
How could a girl get so lucky? - Hi, Amanda! - Betty! What are you doing here? Wilhelmina asked me to come.
You seem alarmed to see me.
No, I don't.
- Really? - Hey.
Are you sure? Because I'm giving you the chance to be up-front about whether or not you might be dating a certain guy that we both know.
- We're talking about Matt, right? - Yes.
Amanda! Amanda, come on.
Let's just talk about this.
This is the only empty stool.
I know we're not exactly friends, so we don't have to talk.
Hi.
Drink! Is it so much to ask for a little meaningless vacation sex? But, little known fact, there are no gay people in the Bahamas.
I have scoured the gym, the spa, the private beach.
Not a waxed chest or a condescending attitude to be found.
What about those two guys right there? Totally gay.
European.
Rookie mistake.
This is the worst gaycation ever! Can I ask you a question? Do you add the word "gay" to any regular word just to kind of - make it your own? - Gaybe, gaybe not.
Well, if it's any consolation, I'm kind of trying to meet someone, too.
But apparently I've forgotten how.
Well, this is your lucky gay! Okay, I'll stop that now.
But seriously, I can help you.
Girls love it when a straighty is down with the pink team.
- Who do you have your eye on? - This girl over here.
Excuse me, pretty lady.
My straight friend here is trying to set me up with guys.
How's that going? Uh Not so well.
I could use your help.
Okay, what about those two? - European.
- No.
I'm telling you, this gain't easy.
I'll let you slide for that one.
- I'm Susannah.
- Daniel.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Amanda, I want to talk about this.
- I don't.
Why didn't you just tell me that you were dating Matt? Because I knew you would get all vulnerable, and push your glasses up your nose, and make me feel bad that I like him.
Well, you should feel bad.
What if I still have feelings for him? Well, what if I have feelings for him, too? Why do your feelings count more than my feelings? Because I was dating him first! Isn't there, like, a girl code about that? Not for pretty girls.
And you only got interested in him again when I started liking him.
No.
That is not true.
I've been trying to figure out how I feel about Matt.
But it's hard to do when someone else is already all up in his pants! Said it! I'll race you for him.
- I'm fully clothed.
- So am I.
- We're not children.
- Then I guess I win.
- Nuh-uh.
- Yeah-huh.
Oh, God.
Yes! In your face! I win! Come on, Amanda, don't be like that.
You'll find another millionaire to date in five minutes.
Is that really what you think this is for me? Betty, did it ever occur to you that I might actually have real feelings for Matt? No.
Because you're only thinking about what you want.
And what is that? One minute, you want to be his friend, and the next minute, you want him back? What about what Matt wants? - He invited me.
Betty? Betty, what are you doing here? Helping Wilhelmina.
Which I should probably get back to.
But this is good.
I'm fine with it.
So, all hell has broken loose, and no one can find Wilhelmina to deal with it, which should worry me, because the only way Wilhelmina Slater would disappear from a shoot is at the hands of bin Laden or Anna Wintour.
But I'm on my first vacation in five years.
Okay, Marc, I can deal with it.
I just had my heart crushed, but I can push that aside and pretend like it never happened.
That'd be great.
I hate to admit it, but I rather enjoyed that.
- You let me think you died.
- You believed that? I'm so sorry.
I'm over it.
I still can't believe you're here.
And I still can't believe you ate a cheeseburger.
Never repeat that to anyone, or you die.
I'm so sorry I put you through all that.
I'm here with you now, so let the mending begin.
So, how soon can we get away? - The boat comes back for us tomorrow.
- And what do we do in the meantime? I was thinking we could spend the afternoon having hot, secret sex.
Again? Oh, my, you are back and better than ever.
That never usually happens to me.
It's okay.
My wife died recently, so Yeah, you mentioned that.
Man, it's like Africa hot in here.
You do something already.
Yeah, give me two more seconds.
Please.
You said that a half hour ago.
Man, I'm a bitch when I'm hot.
Yeah, you're kind of a bitch when you're cold, too, you know? That's part of my charm.
Do me a favor, all right? Take your charm and go get me a pair of needle-nose pliers, please.
I got you a pair of needle-nose pliers.
I also got you a hammer, a potato peeler and four different kinds of wrenches, so Well, it's just that these things are a little confusing, okay? They make it this way, so that you gotta call one of their service reps to come fix it.
- You don't know what you're doing.
- Yeah, I do! Oh, my God, you are a terrible radiator repairman, and a terrible liar.
So what are you even doing here? I told you, Justin left the playbill in my car, okay? Justin would sooner leave me in a ditch than leave a playbill anywhere.
I came to see you.
Bobby, I'm in a relationship.
Yeah, and you're happy? - What kind of a question is that? - See, I've known you forever.
I know what your face looks like when you're happy to be with someone.
I think about that face all the time.
Maybe I'm out of line, but I'm not seeing that face these days.
Hey, tell me I'm wrong, I'll walk out the door.
You're wrong.
Okay.
Well, then, look, you should call somebody that knows how to fix this, all right? - 'Cause I don't.
- Fine.
Yeah.
Wilhelmina? Hello? Oh! Oh.
Next time, at least buy me a drink first.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Wow, I forgot that this was a topless pool.
This is the topless pool? Anyway, some updates.
The model wrangler passed out in the Dolphin Cay.
Apparently, her method of keeping the girls sober was to down their drinks herself.
Also, the new swimwear is here for your approval.
Can I get you a robe or something? Betty, Betty, Betty.
Take the stick out.
- Everything will be taken care of.
- How? Tonight, you can watch the models at Cain, and tomorrow we'll wing it with the swimwear.
- Wing it? - Oh.
It's island time, Betty.
Jump on board, man.
Now, scat! Here you go.
This is amazing.
When did you do all this? - I set it up before we left.
- Mmm.
Well, I am on board.
And on the Pill.
That was a joke.
To Our first real date.
Bring it.
You okay? No.
Look at me.
I'm hot.
I'm actually having a really hard time not ripping my own clothes off.
But you're not kissing me like someone who feels the same way.
Amanda, I would love to rip your clothes off.
Thank you, but I have to ask you a question.
Do you still have feelings for Betty? 'Cause I don't want to get in the middle of something that's unresolved.
Betty has made it perfectly clear she just sees me as a friend.
You didn't answer my question.
Okay, Betty's not in the Bahamas for work.
She's in the Bahamas for you.
No.
No, she's not.
She still has feelings for you.
And if you still have feelings for her, then now would be a really good time to tell her.
How did things go with Susannah? Great! I mean, wow.
Not to talk out of school, but we did things I've never even seen in movies.
Easy there, tiger.
Anytime a guy overcompensates that much, it usually means the other person wasn't into it.
Oh, no, I mean, she was into it.
Oh.
You couldn't get the rooster to crow.
Oh, Marc, that never happens to me.
I can get turned on anywhere.
Elevators, ATMs, pharmacy.
- Got it.
- Golf courses.
- Okay.
- And once at a bris.
- Wow.
- I mean Well, look, maybe the problem is you're trying to be who you were before.
And you've changed since Molly.
When that happens, you know, it's hard to go back.
You're really smart.
No, Wilhelmina is really lucky to have you working with her.
Thank you.
Would you please tell her that sometime? Oh, no.
I'm not sure, I think that guy over there might be playing for your team.
Oh, my God, you're totally right! Good job! So, if you'll excuse me Refill.
I've seen my future, and it's needlepoint and double-A batteries in bulk.
Okay, console her because Matt doesn't love her.
And you, console him because his wiener's not working.
Bye! Oh, my God, Daniel.
Wait, Daniel, what happened? When we were dating, you could get turned on anywhere.
- Remember the Shapiros' bris? - I know, that's what I was saying.
Look, I'm sorry about Matt.
I know you really cared about him.
Yeah.
Pretty stupid.
No, any guy who doesn't see how great you are is an idiot.
You didn't see it.
Yeah, but we all know I'm an idiot.
Very true.
Hey, girls! How we doing? Having fun? Yeah? High-five! No five? Okay.
Gula! No drinking.
Sorry, girls, Wilhelmina's rules.
But I know you guys are hungry, so maybe I'll sneak you some shrimp later, okay? Come on, let's dance! Let's dance.
It'll be fun, right? Like party girls! Yeah! Look at us! See? This is fun! Just a bunch of attractive single ladies dancing.
- Not drinking.
Hey, ladies.
Hey, hi.
Yeah, actually, I'm with them.
I'm their chaperone! - Hey, babe.
- Sorry.
Matt Wait.
What about Amanda? She's the one who sent me.
Okay, okay, you made your point! I can't believe I met a gay guy in the Bahamas.
Where are you from anyway? Oh, you're funny.
You know I do lighting for Mode.
I can't believe I'm coming back from the Bahamas with a boyfriend.
Hey, you know, I'm really glad you came after me last night.
I'm glad you were just sitting in your car, waiting for me.
Don't you know by now? I'll always wait for you.
I took the liberty of ordering breakfast before you head off to the shoot.
I like my new life.
Waking up with you, eating food As soon as the shoot gets going, you slip away, meet me in the cabana.
And then Robert will get us to the boat.
That's room service.
So, that happened.
Yeah.
- Kind of crazy.
- Yeah.
- But good, right? - Yeah.
Oh, I'll get it.
- That's weird.
- Hello? - The models are gone.
- What do you mean "gone"? I mean, no one can find them.
And no one can find Willie, either.
And everyone's coming to me because they assume that I'm her assistant.
I'm sorry.
I know that's driving you crazy.
No, it's okay.
Oh, hi, Matt! I tried to have an anonymous fling in the Bahamas, and I ended up with someone from Mode.
Troy? He's always liked you! That was Gula.
The models are fine, but some of them got on a boat with some guys, and now they're in Cuba.
What? Gula? She's our cover model.
The photo shoot starts in an hour.
Well, I've got nowhere to be.
So, I will be here to help you solve this.
- I might have just solved it.
- Come on.
So, for the cover, we would be shooting you in a bikini on Cove Beach.
But this isn't just any cover.
This is our "Fearless" issue.
I don't know, every magazine has a bikini shot on the cover.
I mean, that doesn't sound very fearless to me.
You're right, yep.
- There is another way we could go.
- Really? I'm telling you, I wear less than this on a ski slope.
Wow.
You look amazing! Hips don't lie! - Don't do that.
- Sorry.
Okay, let's go.
Are you happy? I'm happy.
Good.
- Everything's good? If you're happy, I'm happy.
That's good.
- You'll tell me if you need anything.
- Good, okay? - Oh, my God, okay! - Excuse me just one second.
- Okay.
Hi, Wilhelmina! So, I had to make a couple changes.
But I assure you, there were good reasons.
It's not terrible.
Really? - Thank you.
- So, if you'll excuse me.
You're looking good, Shakira! Hips don't lie! No, she doesn't like it when you do that.
Nice job getting her, by the way.
This is gonna be a great cover.
Yeah, well, she really liked that whole story about Annette Kellerman causing the scandal and getting arrested for wearing that swimsuit on the beach.
Who pitched that? I have no idea.
Everyone stay seated.
- Go! Go! - Go, go! Roll in! This is the FBI! Come out of the cabanas with your hands up! We've got to get out of here now.
It's too late.
Someone tipped off the FBI.
They swarmed the boat.
Well, then, strap on a scuba tank.
We'll swim away.
Willie, stop.
We only have a few minutes.
You have to say it was you that turned me in.
- Use it to get back to Mode.
- I can't.
Room's clear, take the next one! You have to.
He's in there! This is the FBI, come out with your hands up.
Come on out! Exit the building! Suspect is in custody.
Coming out.
He's alive! - This is all your fault! You trapped me! - You're despicable! Cute, right? - Yeah.
And I have one more surprise for you, something extra-special! - No! - Yes.
Is this The bendy straw that Shakira actually used to sip her iced tea! Hello? Oh, my God, you're back! Tell me everything.
Even if you have to make something up.
I will, but first, you have a surprise in there.
I made a big mistake.
- Archie.
- We should have gone to the Bahamas.
I get so stupid sometimes with my priorities.
Anyway, look, I know one little dinner is not going to make up for it, but I hope we get another chance to go someday.
Hey, Amanda, just wanted to check in, you know, make sure we're cool.
- Totally.
- Good.
Okay, this is really weird.
You're asking me about my feelings, and I haven't had one clingy impulse since we did it.
So, we were there for each other, and now we're good? Yeah, I guess we actually did this right.
Hmm.
Mode magazine, how can I help you? The Bahamas proofs just came in, and not that you care about other people's opinions, but the entire staff is buzzing about how great they are.
Champagne.
I thought that you'd be more Heartbroken? Connor is alive.
That is reason enough for me.
And since everyone thinks I got him arrested, I can write my own ticket at Mode, which means you still have your job.
And you got your boy shorts in a wad for nothing.
Oh.
Well, there's something I need to tell you.
I've accepted a job from Daniel.
As his assistant.
So quit.
Thing is, I don't want to.
I know it's not a job as an editor, but somehow I think Daniel will actually try to make it happen for me.
- Hey.
Hey.
I made us some lunches.
Turkey sandwiches, but I thought it would be nice for us to stay in.
What? If I'm not mistaken, it sounds like the "we slept together, let's talk" lunch.
I'm just scared, Matt.
We've been through a lot.
And what if it doesn't work out? I really don't want to hurt you again.
I don't want to hurt you, either.
Look, there's no way to know what's going to happen.
But I do know I want to find out.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Good.
Maybe that's all we need to know, right? Are those the proofs from the shoot? Yeah.
I was going to call you.