Undercover (2015) s01e04 Episode Script
The Trial
For most people, life is all about family.
But as an undercover cop, my life is all about a family of Armenian gangsters who might kill me at any moment.
Shh.
Ah! Whoo! Yeah! Nice.
Very nice! Do not move! Armed police! Do not move! Stay still! You've got nothing on me! I'm innocent, mate, stop touching me! I thought I was buying sunglasses! What the hell's going on? Keller DCI Langdon has been assigned to help you out on Operation Piccolo.
I don't need any help.
Upstairs don't agree, sweetheart.
Right now, this case is like my first marriage - expensive, pointless and far too many men from Eastern Europe involved.
They think Piccolo needs a nudge.
You've just jeopardised months of intelligence-gathering sweetheart.
A list of Ara Sarkissian's favourite films and a recipe for spicy lamb stew don't really count as intelligence-gathering in my book.
It takes time to build a case.
"It takes time.
It's not you, it's me.
I've got my period.
" This is bullshit.
Look, love, after the mess you made of Henderson, there are plenty of people in this force, high up people, with big reservations about you.
Now, I suggest we go in there and question this little toe rag.
Any objections? No, sir.
Not that I can think of.
Good girl, sweetheart.
They call us the criminals and then they do this to us, to a legitimate family-run business.
What the hell happened? The police.
Did the place over last night.
What? Why? Because they caught Stepan parked outside with a boot full of drugs and guns.
Stupid idiot! Leading them here with his filthy cocaine! But hang on, since when does Stepan deal coke? Who knows? This young generation with their dirty, disgusting drugs! All this attention from the police with a shipment due, it's the last thing we need.
What, er, shipment? Heroin.
From Yurik.
So, heroin's OK but cocaine's not? Totally different! Pork and cheese! The opium trade is the very fabric of this country.
Without opium, we would have no tea.
Without tea, we would have no Biscuits.
What's going on? Stepan's been arrested.
I know, I've been questioning him for the last six hours.
You knew? Why wasn't I told? I only found out at the last minute.
This could be huge for us.
We've got Stepan bang to rights, which means we can turn him.
He squeals on Ara, we turn him, he squeals on Yurik, and the whole organisation comes tumbling down.
And how's that working out for you? Well, he's certainly said a lot.
So it's all kicking off, yeah, and then Optimus Prime forces Megatron's hand cannon to fire into his own face! Into his own face! Oh, man, it's classic! It's absolutely classic! Is there anything that might help us turn Stepan? There are two things you should know about Stepan.
Number one, he craves approval from Ara.
"It's all about honour, integrity and respect.
" And number two, he'll do anything for sweets.
Sweets.
OK.
Oh, shit, the lawyer's arrived.
I'd better go.
Come on, you're coming with me.
Where to? The police station, to see Stepan.
Police station? Really? Shouldn't we leave that to the professionals, lawyers and stuff? Come on, Chris, he's my brother! And I thought he was your mate? Yeah, of course.
I just didn't think you'd want to go to the filthy pig station! And I won't tell you again, my client believed he was buying a bulk order of designer sunglasses.
So, how do you explain the presence of 15 kilos of cocaine and two automatic weapons in the boot of his car? I was hoping you and your colleagues could explain that.
I don't think I like your tone, Miss Didurian.
This isn't a game.
He's looking at 25 years.
How do you think your uncle's going to feel about this, Stepan, hm? You've let him down.
It's not like that.
Don't say another word.
Can I get you some sweets, Stepan? Smarties? Gummi Bears? I'd love some.
Mr Sarkissian has no further comments.
A nice bag of pick 'n' mix You could have cola bottles and those little fried egg ones in the same bag.
The same bag, Stepan You're trying to bribe my client.
I could have your badge for that.
We were merely offering him some refreshment, Miss Didurian.
No need to call the Court of Human Rights just yet.
Is anyone else as turned on as I am right now? What are you doing here? I'm hiding in a broom cupboard, whilst psycho-beauty Lara is out there, where, at any moment, my cover will be blown and the Sarkissians will murder me.
Beauty? What? You said psycho-beauty.
Why are you here? Lara made me come.
She wants to see her brother.
And when Lara says jump you say, "God, you've got shiny hair!" This isn't funny.
What if someone recognises me? They won't.
If you want to keep a low profile, luring women into broom cupboards is a funny way to go about it! Anyway, since I've got you here, I need a favour.
If you want me to clean the bathrooms, the answer is no! No! It's Stepan.
We're getting nowhere.
Did you try the Haribo Starmix? Yes.
Cola bottles? Yes.
Gummi Bears? I've tried the sweets, Chris! It's his lawyer.
She's too good.
I need you to lean on him a bit so he listens to her a bit less, try and tip the odds in our favour.
How am I supposed to do that? Only an imbecile would We're talking Stepan here! Good point.
Chris! Ssh! What's happened? Is she still there? It's OK.
She's gone.
We should probably Wait, Chris! I really need you on this.
I've got top brass breathing down my neck, I've got that DCI Langdon on my case and I need a win here! Please OK.
Get me in that interview room for five minutes and I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.
Yes, so you might want to get a few more sponges.
Yes, I'll get five.
Where were you? Call of nature.
With a scouring pad? Er, to get the smell of this place off me, to scrub the filth away.
I think I've broken the skin! They're only letting us see Stepan one at a time.
Perfect.
I mean .
.
perfect! Chris! He gave me a ticket last week.
I swear to you, Chris, I thought it was sunglasses.
Good shit, too.
Worth a fortune.
Prada, Armani, Channel.
It's OK.
I believe you.
Chanel.
Stepan, I'm really not sure about your lawyer.
Yeah? Really, why? She's not on your level, you know, you being a proud English-Armenian, your own man.
Nobody tells Stepan Sarkissian what to do.
Nobody tells Stepan Sarkissian what to do.
Nobody tells Stepan Sarkissian what to say! Nobody tells Stepan Sarkissian what to say! Nobody puts Baby in a corner! Nobody puts Baby in a korma! This Annie woman wants to control you, Stepan.
Tomorrow, when you stand up in court, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's wearing the trousers?" God! Imagine it, 25 years I made a promise to Stepan's father that I would look after him forever, and I will keep that promise.
What can you do? They've got a strong case.
I have faith in you, Chris.
Me? Yes, Chris.
My promise is your promise, no? Well, I mean, obviously I'll do whatever I can to help.
But out of interest, if he does go down, then what? We will do exactly what is necessary.
What does that mean? Our families have suffered many times.
People in prison have a habit of talking.
Of course.
Cooped up all day, what else would they do? No, Chris.
You wouldn't.
You couldn't! He's He's Stepan! What about your promise to his dead father? Exactly.
Look what you will have made me do, you sick bastard! But why would we have to kill him? He knows the score.
He wouldn't talk? Like the time that he dented your car? Seriously, Stepan, are you sure you didn't hit anything? I swear to you, it weren't me.
OK.
What's your favourite colour? Blue.
What's your favourite food? Pizza.
Who crashed my car? I did.
But there must be another way, surely? Relax, Chris! Relax.
It won't come to that.
He's got Annie.
As long as he does what the lawyer says, he'll be fine.
Right.
He's got Annie.
He'll be fine.
Your Worship, before the prosecution commence their opening argument, the defence would like to move for an adjournment on behalf of Mr Sarkissian, and would further like to move Excuse me? I've got something I'd like to say.
It's really not the time.
Your Warship, I fire my lawyer.
What? That's right, love, you're fired.
I hope you understand the seriousness of what you are doing? I value myself as a proud English-Armenian and I represent myself in this matter.
Nobody puts Baby in a korma! You may take our lives, but you will never take our freedom! Whoo! Is Stepan Sarkissian a man of integrity, a capable man? Ahem! The answer is, I would describe Mr Stepan Sarkissian as .
.
basic.
Mr Sarkissian, I put it to you that you, in fact, hold Mr Stepan Sarkissian in very high regard, that he is a man who you .
.
respect, essential to the good workings of your business.
That is true.
Without him, I'd have no-one to walk my dogs, tidy my garage, clear my guttering.
I rely on him for that.
I'd go as far as to say that Stepan is like a .
.
like a Son.
.
.
nephew to me.
But I am your nephew.
You see, Stepan is a simple man with simple needs.
Annoying? Yes, far more than you can possibly imagine.
But a criminal mastermind? I think not, Your Honour.
Objection! This is just a week in court for you.
It's a whole lifetime for me.
Have a great night, guys.
Enjoy a nice plate of spicy testicle stew, or whatever it is you people eat.
You're next, mate.
Stupid prick! Have you seen World's Dumbest Criminals? There's enough for a whole boxset.
I'm beginning to think I didn't need the drugs and guns.
Didn't need? Hm? You said, "Maybe we didn't need the drugs and guns.
" You know what I mean, I went to a lot of trouble to sort that out.
No, I don't know what you mean.
Are you saying? That is outrageous! You can't do that! It's immoral, it's wrong! Christ Almighty, you're starting to sound like my second wife.
Come on Keller, wake up! We're just giving justice a little helping hand.
Where's the harm in that? Where's the harm? You're a disgrace.
You should be locked up.
Now you really do sound like my second wife.
That honeymoon was a disaster.
Oh, my God.
And you think I'm going to turn a blind eye to this? I know you're going to turn a blind eye if you value your career.
A big win like this might finally be forgotten.
You mess this up, you'll end up a security guard at Tesco.
So why don't you just have a long hard think about whether you want to stop organised crime or stop people shoplifting buffalo mozzarella.
Sweetheart! What is it? He's innocent, Chris, I'm sure of it.
Stepan? How do you know? Because he told me.
To be fair, that's kind of what criminals say.
I mean, that's what I'd say, seeing as I'm very much a criminal.
Are you going to invite me in? Yeah, yeah.
He's my brother, I know when he's lying.
It's not just that.
I've been asking around, this deal he's supposed to have done, no-one knows anything about it.
It's like it never happened.
The police seem to think otherwise.
Because they set the whole thing up.
What? You said it yourself, Stepan doesn't deal coke.
It doesn't make any sense.
Have you spoken to Ara? He doesn't want to know.
All he cares about is keeping Yurik happy.
That's why I came to you.
Me? What can I do about it? Intimidate the judge, bribe a copper, tamper with the evidence, whatever it is you do.
I'm not stupid, Chris.
I know what happens if Stepan goes down.
I've already lost my dad, I can't lose my brother, as well.
He's all I've got.
And you owe me one, remember? I know but .
.
I really think you should speak to Ara.
Forget Ara.
He's all fart and no shit.
Are you the same, Chris? Are you all fart and no shit? Me? God, no! I'm completely 100 percent .
.
shit.
I knew I could rely on you.
Is it not true, Nan, I mean Mrs Sarkissian, that in the summer of 1992, when Stepan Sarkissian was just six years of age, there was an incident in a shopping mall? Relevance, Your Honour? Puh! It's "relevant, Your Warship".
Four and a half days, four and a half days you left little Stepan in that shopping mall! Forgot about him till the end of the week.
I can't recall.
And is it not also true that you used to make me, I mean little Stepan, dress up as a doll called Natasha and dance for your friends at dinner parties for biscuits? I don't remember.
Why are you being so aggressive? No further questions, Your Honour.
She's blatantly an unreliable witness.
But you called her! Objection! We've got to stop this.
Thanks to me, Stepan's going down for sure and if he does, they'll kill him.
I'm not even convinced he's guilty.
What do you mean? Of course he is! Lara reckons the police set him up.
Tell your friend Lara that's the most preposterous, ridiculous, ludicrous idea I've heard in all my years! Hypothetically speaking, though, if we had set him up, would that be so wrong? Sending an innocent man to prison? Er, yes.
Oh God, no! No, no, no, please don't tell me you're in on this.
Please don't tell me you set him up.
Set him up? Me? Don't be silly, of course not.
Well, not exactly.
Jesus.
Not only have you made me ruin a guy's case and sign his death warrant, but now I find out he's innocent! Innocent of this, maybe, but what about all the other stuff he's done? This is our chance to bring the whole operation down.
The ends don't justify the means.
The means don't justify the ends! What does that mean? It means maybe you should get off your high horse.
All we're doing is giving justice a helping hand.
Where's the harm in that? I can't believe this.
You'd better pull the plug right now.
Or what? Otherwise, I'll bring the whole thing down.
Whose side are you on? Whose side are you on? Jesus, Zoe! What happened to the little girl who dreamed of putting the bad guys in prison, of doing the right thing and being on the side of truth and justice? Maybe that little girl grew up.
Well, I've got news for you.
This little girl didn't grow up! Does the case for the defence rest? One further witness, Your Honour.
I call to the stand the defendant, Stepan Sarkissian.
Please state your name.
Stepan Sarkissian.
Did you do it? No.
No further questions, Your Honour.
The prosecution may now commence cross-examination.
Is it true that on the night of the 23rd, officers found a large holdall in the boot of your car? It is, yeah.
And would you be so good as to tell the court what was in said holdall? Um .
.
pass.
Sorry? I pass that one.
Next question? Mr Sarkissian, there's no passing.
Can I phone a friend? Those policemen found you in possession of 15 kilograms of a class A drug and two unlicensed firearms.
I've said many times, yeah, I thought I was buying sunglasses.
Sunglasses .
.
which have never been found! No further questions, Your Honour.
Whoa, whoa! Can I help you? You're shitting me? What do you want? First up, can I apologise unreservedly for the whole punching-you-in-the-face thing? Secondly, I really need a favour.
Can you let me in the evidence room, please? Why would I do that? Look, I'm really, really sorry and I never meant to hurt you.
OK.
Apology accepted.
He gave me a ticket last week.
Take my card, in case he presses charges.
You won't press charges, will you? 25 years, Stepan And you know what they do to pretty boys in there.
I'll never talk.
Why? Because of Ara? Face it, he's given up on you.
The truth is, whatever you did, whatever you do, you're never going to get his approval.
I might.
On the other hand, if you help us, we can help you.
Find you a new life.
Find you a new Ara.
A new Ara? Why not? Let's call him Ian.
I like the name Ian.
Ian would respect you.
Ian would value you.
Has Ian got a beard? Oh, yes.
A big bushy beard.
I'd like that.
I'd like to meet Ian.
I'm so, so sorry it happened again, and I really wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.
Get away from me! Fair enough.
But believe me, if we don't do this, an innocent man could be locked up.
An innocent man locked up, you say? That's right.
An innocent man locked up.
OK.
Oh, so good to meet a fellow officer like you! Someone who believes in right and wrong, someone with a sense of justice.
Hey-ey! This isn't funny! Bishop! OK, it's kind of funny! Bishop? Huh? Oh, you're still here? You should be out celebrating.
We've got this in the bag! Just finishing the paperwork.
Celebrating can wait.
That's what my third wife said at the divorce proceedings.
You know what, you are a good copper.
You have done the right thing.
Maybe we should be celebrating.
Well, well, well! We'll make a man of you yet, Keller.
To getting results.
And fitting up scrotes! Cheers.
Come on, then, put me out of my misery, how do you actually do it? You want to know my trade secrets, is that it? You put another whiskey in there and I'm all yours.
Sorry! What's going on? As if you don't know! The case collapsed.
They're not saying why, but I have a feeling you might have something to do with it.
Oh, I see, playing it cool, hey? Well, whatever.
You're a bloody legend.
Yeah, that's me, total legend.
"So, where'd you get the drugs?" "That was no problem.
"I lifted them off some Russian crew during a raid a few months back.
"And the guns, I knew they'd, er, come in handy.
" "And what, you just planted them in Stepan's car? But how?" "They stopped at a sweet shop and he was gone for ages, "so I just switched the bags.
"That reminds me, if you ever need any sunglasses" You're a good boy, Stepan.
I never doubted you, not for a moment.
Thanks, Uncle Ara, and thank you for, you know, fixing the case for me.
Speak no more about it.
We're family and family stay together.
"You have one new message.
" "Chris, you were right, the ends don't justify the means.
"That's why I blew the whistle on Langdon.
I just "Don't ever get off your high horse, OK? "It's a good horse and you're a good horseman.
"Look, call me.
" Shit! Things could descend into full blown war.
Get Arno.
Don't bullshit me, Chris! What's going on? You're making me all confused.
I kill you.
But as an undercover cop, my life is all about a family of Armenian gangsters who might kill me at any moment.
Shh.
Ah! Whoo! Yeah! Nice.
Very nice! Do not move! Armed police! Do not move! Stay still! You've got nothing on me! I'm innocent, mate, stop touching me! I thought I was buying sunglasses! What the hell's going on? Keller DCI Langdon has been assigned to help you out on Operation Piccolo.
I don't need any help.
Upstairs don't agree, sweetheart.
Right now, this case is like my first marriage - expensive, pointless and far too many men from Eastern Europe involved.
They think Piccolo needs a nudge.
You've just jeopardised months of intelligence-gathering sweetheart.
A list of Ara Sarkissian's favourite films and a recipe for spicy lamb stew don't really count as intelligence-gathering in my book.
It takes time to build a case.
"It takes time.
It's not you, it's me.
I've got my period.
" This is bullshit.
Look, love, after the mess you made of Henderson, there are plenty of people in this force, high up people, with big reservations about you.
Now, I suggest we go in there and question this little toe rag.
Any objections? No, sir.
Not that I can think of.
Good girl, sweetheart.
They call us the criminals and then they do this to us, to a legitimate family-run business.
What the hell happened? The police.
Did the place over last night.
What? Why? Because they caught Stepan parked outside with a boot full of drugs and guns.
Stupid idiot! Leading them here with his filthy cocaine! But hang on, since when does Stepan deal coke? Who knows? This young generation with their dirty, disgusting drugs! All this attention from the police with a shipment due, it's the last thing we need.
What, er, shipment? Heroin.
From Yurik.
So, heroin's OK but cocaine's not? Totally different! Pork and cheese! The opium trade is the very fabric of this country.
Without opium, we would have no tea.
Without tea, we would have no Biscuits.
What's going on? Stepan's been arrested.
I know, I've been questioning him for the last six hours.
You knew? Why wasn't I told? I only found out at the last minute.
This could be huge for us.
We've got Stepan bang to rights, which means we can turn him.
He squeals on Ara, we turn him, he squeals on Yurik, and the whole organisation comes tumbling down.
And how's that working out for you? Well, he's certainly said a lot.
So it's all kicking off, yeah, and then Optimus Prime forces Megatron's hand cannon to fire into his own face! Into his own face! Oh, man, it's classic! It's absolutely classic! Is there anything that might help us turn Stepan? There are two things you should know about Stepan.
Number one, he craves approval from Ara.
"It's all about honour, integrity and respect.
" And number two, he'll do anything for sweets.
Sweets.
OK.
Oh, shit, the lawyer's arrived.
I'd better go.
Come on, you're coming with me.
Where to? The police station, to see Stepan.
Police station? Really? Shouldn't we leave that to the professionals, lawyers and stuff? Come on, Chris, he's my brother! And I thought he was your mate? Yeah, of course.
I just didn't think you'd want to go to the filthy pig station! And I won't tell you again, my client believed he was buying a bulk order of designer sunglasses.
So, how do you explain the presence of 15 kilos of cocaine and two automatic weapons in the boot of his car? I was hoping you and your colleagues could explain that.
I don't think I like your tone, Miss Didurian.
This isn't a game.
He's looking at 25 years.
How do you think your uncle's going to feel about this, Stepan, hm? You've let him down.
It's not like that.
Don't say another word.
Can I get you some sweets, Stepan? Smarties? Gummi Bears? I'd love some.
Mr Sarkissian has no further comments.
A nice bag of pick 'n' mix You could have cola bottles and those little fried egg ones in the same bag.
The same bag, Stepan You're trying to bribe my client.
I could have your badge for that.
We were merely offering him some refreshment, Miss Didurian.
No need to call the Court of Human Rights just yet.
Is anyone else as turned on as I am right now? What are you doing here? I'm hiding in a broom cupboard, whilst psycho-beauty Lara is out there, where, at any moment, my cover will be blown and the Sarkissians will murder me.
Beauty? What? You said psycho-beauty.
Why are you here? Lara made me come.
She wants to see her brother.
And when Lara says jump you say, "God, you've got shiny hair!" This isn't funny.
What if someone recognises me? They won't.
If you want to keep a low profile, luring women into broom cupboards is a funny way to go about it! Anyway, since I've got you here, I need a favour.
If you want me to clean the bathrooms, the answer is no! No! It's Stepan.
We're getting nowhere.
Did you try the Haribo Starmix? Yes.
Cola bottles? Yes.
Gummi Bears? I've tried the sweets, Chris! It's his lawyer.
She's too good.
I need you to lean on him a bit so he listens to her a bit less, try and tip the odds in our favour.
How am I supposed to do that? Only an imbecile would We're talking Stepan here! Good point.
Chris! Ssh! What's happened? Is she still there? It's OK.
She's gone.
We should probably Wait, Chris! I really need you on this.
I've got top brass breathing down my neck, I've got that DCI Langdon on my case and I need a win here! Please OK.
Get me in that interview room for five minutes and I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.
Yes, so you might want to get a few more sponges.
Yes, I'll get five.
Where were you? Call of nature.
With a scouring pad? Er, to get the smell of this place off me, to scrub the filth away.
I think I've broken the skin! They're only letting us see Stepan one at a time.
Perfect.
I mean .
.
perfect! Chris! He gave me a ticket last week.
I swear to you, Chris, I thought it was sunglasses.
Good shit, too.
Worth a fortune.
Prada, Armani, Channel.
It's OK.
I believe you.
Chanel.
Stepan, I'm really not sure about your lawyer.
Yeah? Really, why? She's not on your level, you know, you being a proud English-Armenian, your own man.
Nobody tells Stepan Sarkissian what to do.
Nobody tells Stepan Sarkissian what to do.
Nobody tells Stepan Sarkissian what to say! Nobody tells Stepan Sarkissian what to say! Nobody puts Baby in a corner! Nobody puts Baby in a korma! This Annie woman wants to control you, Stepan.
Tomorrow, when you stand up in court, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's wearing the trousers?" God! Imagine it, 25 years I made a promise to Stepan's father that I would look after him forever, and I will keep that promise.
What can you do? They've got a strong case.
I have faith in you, Chris.
Me? Yes, Chris.
My promise is your promise, no? Well, I mean, obviously I'll do whatever I can to help.
But out of interest, if he does go down, then what? We will do exactly what is necessary.
What does that mean? Our families have suffered many times.
People in prison have a habit of talking.
Of course.
Cooped up all day, what else would they do? No, Chris.
You wouldn't.
You couldn't! He's He's Stepan! What about your promise to his dead father? Exactly.
Look what you will have made me do, you sick bastard! But why would we have to kill him? He knows the score.
He wouldn't talk? Like the time that he dented your car? Seriously, Stepan, are you sure you didn't hit anything? I swear to you, it weren't me.
OK.
What's your favourite colour? Blue.
What's your favourite food? Pizza.
Who crashed my car? I did.
But there must be another way, surely? Relax, Chris! Relax.
It won't come to that.
He's got Annie.
As long as he does what the lawyer says, he'll be fine.
Right.
He's got Annie.
He'll be fine.
Your Worship, before the prosecution commence their opening argument, the defence would like to move for an adjournment on behalf of Mr Sarkissian, and would further like to move Excuse me? I've got something I'd like to say.
It's really not the time.
Your Warship, I fire my lawyer.
What? That's right, love, you're fired.
I hope you understand the seriousness of what you are doing? I value myself as a proud English-Armenian and I represent myself in this matter.
Nobody puts Baby in a korma! You may take our lives, but you will never take our freedom! Whoo! Is Stepan Sarkissian a man of integrity, a capable man? Ahem! The answer is, I would describe Mr Stepan Sarkissian as .
.
basic.
Mr Sarkissian, I put it to you that you, in fact, hold Mr Stepan Sarkissian in very high regard, that he is a man who you .
.
respect, essential to the good workings of your business.
That is true.
Without him, I'd have no-one to walk my dogs, tidy my garage, clear my guttering.
I rely on him for that.
I'd go as far as to say that Stepan is like a .
.
like a Son.
.
.
nephew to me.
But I am your nephew.
You see, Stepan is a simple man with simple needs.
Annoying? Yes, far more than you can possibly imagine.
But a criminal mastermind? I think not, Your Honour.
Objection! This is just a week in court for you.
It's a whole lifetime for me.
Have a great night, guys.
Enjoy a nice plate of spicy testicle stew, or whatever it is you people eat.
You're next, mate.
Stupid prick! Have you seen World's Dumbest Criminals? There's enough for a whole boxset.
I'm beginning to think I didn't need the drugs and guns.
Didn't need? Hm? You said, "Maybe we didn't need the drugs and guns.
" You know what I mean, I went to a lot of trouble to sort that out.
No, I don't know what you mean.
Are you saying? That is outrageous! You can't do that! It's immoral, it's wrong! Christ Almighty, you're starting to sound like my second wife.
Come on Keller, wake up! We're just giving justice a little helping hand.
Where's the harm in that? Where's the harm? You're a disgrace.
You should be locked up.
Now you really do sound like my second wife.
That honeymoon was a disaster.
Oh, my God.
And you think I'm going to turn a blind eye to this? I know you're going to turn a blind eye if you value your career.
A big win like this might finally be forgotten.
You mess this up, you'll end up a security guard at Tesco.
So why don't you just have a long hard think about whether you want to stop organised crime or stop people shoplifting buffalo mozzarella.
Sweetheart! What is it? He's innocent, Chris, I'm sure of it.
Stepan? How do you know? Because he told me.
To be fair, that's kind of what criminals say.
I mean, that's what I'd say, seeing as I'm very much a criminal.
Are you going to invite me in? Yeah, yeah.
He's my brother, I know when he's lying.
It's not just that.
I've been asking around, this deal he's supposed to have done, no-one knows anything about it.
It's like it never happened.
The police seem to think otherwise.
Because they set the whole thing up.
What? You said it yourself, Stepan doesn't deal coke.
It doesn't make any sense.
Have you spoken to Ara? He doesn't want to know.
All he cares about is keeping Yurik happy.
That's why I came to you.
Me? What can I do about it? Intimidate the judge, bribe a copper, tamper with the evidence, whatever it is you do.
I'm not stupid, Chris.
I know what happens if Stepan goes down.
I've already lost my dad, I can't lose my brother, as well.
He's all I've got.
And you owe me one, remember? I know but .
.
I really think you should speak to Ara.
Forget Ara.
He's all fart and no shit.
Are you the same, Chris? Are you all fart and no shit? Me? God, no! I'm completely 100 percent .
.
shit.
I knew I could rely on you.
Is it not true, Nan, I mean Mrs Sarkissian, that in the summer of 1992, when Stepan Sarkissian was just six years of age, there was an incident in a shopping mall? Relevance, Your Honour? Puh! It's "relevant, Your Warship".
Four and a half days, four and a half days you left little Stepan in that shopping mall! Forgot about him till the end of the week.
I can't recall.
And is it not also true that you used to make me, I mean little Stepan, dress up as a doll called Natasha and dance for your friends at dinner parties for biscuits? I don't remember.
Why are you being so aggressive? No further questions, Your Honour.
She's blatantly an unreliable witness.
But you called her! Objection! We've got to stop this.
Thanks to me, Stepan's going down for sure and if he does, they'll kill him.
I'm not even convinced he's guilty.
What do you mean? Of course he is! Lara reckons the police set him up.
Tell your friend Lara that's the most preposterous, ridiculous, ludicrous idea I've heard in all my years! Hypothetically speaking, though, if we had set him up, would that be so wrong? Sending an innocent man to prison? Er, yes.
Oh God, no! No, no, no, please don't tell me you're in on this.
Please don't tell me you set him up.
Set him up? Me? Don't be silly, of course not.
Well, not exactly.
Jesus.
Not only have you made me ruin a guy's case and sign his death warrant, but now I find out he's innocent! Innocent of this, maybe, but what about all the other stuff he's done? This is our chance to bring the whole operation down.
The ends don't justify the means.
The means don't justify the ends! What does that mean? It means maybe you should get off your high horse.
All we're doing is giving justice a helping hand.
Where's the harm in that? I can't believe this.
You'd better pull the plug right now.
Or what? Otherwise, I'll bring the whole thing down.
Whose side are you on? Whose side are you on? Jesus, Zoe! What happened to the little girl who dreamed of putting the bad guys in prison, of doing the right thing and being on the side of truth and justice? Maybe that little girl grew up.
Well, I've got news for you.
This little girl didn't grow up! Does the case for the defence rest? One further witness, Your Honour.
I call to the stand the defendant, Stepan Sarkissian.
Please state your name.
Stepan Sarkissian.
Did you do it? No.
No further questions, Your Honour.
The prosecution may now commence cross-examination.
Is it true that on the night of the 23rd, officers found a large holdall in the boot of your car? It is, yeah.
And would you be so good as to tell the court what was in said holdall? Um .
.
pass.
Sorry? I pass that one.
Next question? Mr Sarkissian, there's no passing.
Can I phone a friend? Those policemen found you in possession of 15 kilograms of a class A drug and two unlicensed firearms.
I've said many times, yeah, I thought I was buying sunglasses.
Sunglasses .
.
which have never been found! No further questions, Your Honour.
Whoa, whoa! Can I help you? You're shitting me? What do you want? First up, can I apologise unreservedly for the whole punching-you-in-the-face thing? Secondly, I really need a favour.
Can you let me in the evidence room, please? Why would I do that? Look, I'm really, really sorry and I never meant to hurt you.
OK.
Apology accepted.
He gave me a ticket last week.
Take my card, in case he presses charges.
You won't press charges, will you? 25 years, Stepan And you know what they do to pretty boys in there.
I'll never talk.
Why? Because of Ara? Face it, he's given up on you.
The truth is, whatever you did, whatever you do, you're never going to get his approval.
I might.
On the other hand, if you help us, we can help you.
Find you a new life.
Find you a new Ara.
A new Ara? Why not? Let's call him Ian.
I like the name Ian.
Ian would respect you.
Ian would value you.
Has Ian got a beard? Oh, yes.
A big bushy beard.
I'd like that.
I'd like to meet Ian.
I'm so, so sorry it happened again, and I really wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.
Get away from me! Fair enough.
But believe me, if we don't do this, an innocent man could be locked up.
An innocent man locked up, you say? That's right.
An innocent man locked up.
OK.
Oh, so good to meet a fellow officer like you! Someone who believes in right and wrong, someone with a sense of justice.
Hey-ey! This isn't funny! Bishop! OK, it's kind of funny! Bishop? Huh? Oh, you're still here? You should be out celebrating.
We've got this in the bag! Just finishing the paperwork.
Celebrating can wait.
That's what my third wife said at the divorce proceedings.
You know what, you are a good copper.
You have done the right thing.
Maybe we should be celebrating.
Well, well, well! We'll make a man of you yet, Keller.
To getting results.
And fitting up scrotes! Cheers.
Come on, then, put me out of my misery, how do you actually do it? You want to know my trade secrets, is that it? You put another whiskey in there and I'm all yours.
Sorry! What's going on? As if you don't know! The case collapsed.
They're not saying why, but I have a feeling you might have something to do with it.
Oh, I see, playing it cool, hey? Well, whatever.
You're a bloody legend.
Yeah, that's me, total legend.
"So, where'd you get the drugs?" "That was no problem.
"I lifted them off some Russian crew during a raid a few months back.
"And the guns, I knew they'd, er, come in handy.
" "And what, you just planted them in Stepan's car? But how?" "They stopped at a sweet shop and he was gone for ages, "so I just switched the bags.
"That reminds me, if you ever need any sunglasses" You're a good boy, Stepan.
I never doubted you, not for a moment.
Thanks, Uncle Ara, and thank you for, you know, fixing the case for me.
Speak no more about it.
We're family and family stay together.
"You have one new message.
" "Chris, you were right, the ends don't justify the means.
"That's why I blew the whistle on Langdon.
I just "Don't ever get off your high horse, OK? "It's a good horse and you're a good horseman.
"Look, call me.
" Shit! Things could descend into full blown war.
Get Arno.
Don't bullshit me, Chris! What's going on? You're making me all confused.
I kill you.