Unhitched s01e01 Episode Script
Pilot
Anyway, this is this is me.
- Thanks for walking me home.
- It's my pleasure.
You wouldn't want to come up for some coffee, would you? A little late for coffee.
Yeah.
I'd love a beer.
Ok.
Yeah, I know.
It's a little weird, Isn't it? No, no.
It, it shows your passion for your work.
Actually, all of this is for my roommate.
It just I don't know, it makes him feel so at home.
- Where's home? - Borneo.
You're gonna love him.
You're gonna love him.
Chango! Chango.
You want to give him a peanut? - I don't.
- Here you go.
Come on.
Just - hey, he took it! - Yeah! - He really likes you.
- We have a lot in common.
We're both evolving, we both have a little bit of a back hair issue.
Both have the Same taste in women.
Yes, question? - Can I show you something? - Sure.
Sure.
Show away.
I shot this during my last rescue.
See, in in the world of primates, the female always initiates.
This was bad idea, wasn't it? No, no, no, no.
That's just a very powerful image, very intense.
Yeah.
- It is, isn't it? - Yeah.
I mean, their mating rituals are so raw and so beautiful.
I'll give you the raw.
Would you like to do that? I'm sorry do what? That.
With me.
You want that? Yeah.
I could maybe give you half that.
Come on, Gator.
Take me like a silverback.
Come on.
This is new.
I'm countin' the days since i began to live without you I'm covered in rain, but it feels just like it's the sun and it don't get me down don't come around I'm finally alone and without you hey! I'm screamin' at you hey! Don't care enough to write you a letter now that I'm doin' better better off without you Season 1 - Episode 1 "Pilot" Luckily there was no penetration, but it appears you have a 2-Inch laceration on your upper-left gluteus and abrasions around your sphincter, and English.
Basically, Gator, your ass was pummeled, ok? But don't worry.
I think all you need is 3 stitches, and definitely a shave, for sure.
What the hell is going on here? Gator had a little run in with a bi-Curious George.
- Got attacked by a Monk.
Ey! - Sorry.
That clears things up.
Look, I'm on my way to the office.
Is there the slightest chance That you've signed your divorce papers? He's still wearing his ring.
What do you think? How many times do I have to tell you guys? I can't get the damn thing off.
- you try.
- Do not pull that finger.
Gator, I'm getting a lot of pressure from the other side.
Look, I just.
I want to go over the papers a couple more times, ok? Why? Is there something you forgot to give her? My bad.
- Hi, kid.
- Hey, Freddy.
- Nope.
Nursing a cold.
- Ok, lots of vitamins, tons of rest.
We got a limo picking us up, taking us to a party at the charles hotel for my company's merger.
Open bar, featuring Tommy's new brew.
That's right.
Trawler stout, inspired by my third wife.
Dark, rich, and a little nutty.
Sorry, you guys, I can't.
I have a date.
- Who's the new guy? - Actually, I met him at the gym.
He's funny, he's smart, he works for the Celtics.
He's got great posture.
Really clean fingernails.
He's, honorable.
- What's a matter with this guy? - He's short.
He's really short.
He can't help that.
I know, but I've just never dated a guy shorter than me before.
I mean, chad was 6'6", and I kind of like You know what? Not to be insensitive and please don't take this the wrong way, but chad was a douche.
- The biggest douche.
- Captain douche.
Guy played you for 7 years, never pulled the trigger.
All we're saying, kate, is don't compare everybody to the Chad.
- Open your mind.
- I know.
I know, you're right.
Tim is great, and I'm going to give it a shot.
Yeah, and you never know, you might be surprised, sometimes big things come in little packages.
Nope.
I've seen him in spandex.
Trust me, there's no surprises.
I'm gonna take off, guys.
Gator, sign those papers.
Freddy, burn those gloves.
Tommy, I've got nothing for you.
Well, all stitched up.
Keep those bandages clean.
Thanks, Doc.
Hey, we'll pick you up at 7:00, all right? Actually, I think tonight I'm going to pass on the festivities.
- What?! - What are you talkin' about? Well, I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but, you know, tonight is my birthday.
Hey, I totally forgot.
Happy birthday! Hey, yeah, happy birthday.
Now, you've gotta come out with us, man.
Well, no, it's just, you know, guys, for the last 9 years, Lareep and I, we would always go to thank goodness it is fridays for my birthday and, you know, I think this is what i want to do, you know? Hey, Freddy, Lareep left you 6 1/2 months ago.
Not spending your birthday by yourself.
- Come on, man, it'll be a blast.
- Look, guys, I will be fine, ok? What, you don't think I can get a date? No.
Trust me.
Ok, at work, nurses are constantly beating me off with a stick.
I'll bet.
I really can't tell you how excited I am that beacon street financial is merging with algonquin investments.
But we'll make a lot of money come monday.
Tonight, let's just make friends.
Thank you very much.
Have fun tonight.
- Thank you.
- Nice job, Jack.
It was all I could do not to give you a standing ovation.
Katherine, meet Jack.
It's a pleasure to finally meet you Mr.
Gately.
- The pleasure's mine.
- Katherine's my VP of operations.
She's been the brains behind my company for 15 years.
Ah, that's Baloney.
He's the brains.
I just do the legwork.
I see.
You're the wheeler, you're the dealer? You rock, you roll.
It's a little early in our relationship to be starting up with the gimp jokes, isn't it? Anyway, I want you to meet my daughter.
She's right over there.
She is beautiful.
Thanks.
Can't believe she's already a sophomore.
She going to boston college like her old man? Yeah, right.
I'm just trying to get her through the next 3 years of high school.
Would you excuse me? Be right back.
Bottoms up.
Hi, excuse me.
Don't you look lovely tonight.
Can I borrow you for a second? - Thank you.
- Excuse me.
Hey, man What are you doin'? Me and the lady are totally connecting.
Man, we're like on the same wavelength or something.
You know why? 'Cause she's 16! Now sign her yearbook and start talking to the adults.
I'm just, you know, I'm a little out of practice, you know.
This is my first date since '92.
December '92, so, you know, almost '93.
Don't apologize, Freddy.
It's not every day I get to have dinner with a doctor.
There's nothing more attractive then a man who's so passionate about what he does.
But I'm sure you're just as passionate about being a who who Pros prosti - An escort? - An escort, yes It's ok.
You can say it.
I'm not ashamed.
No.
I'd never suggested you should be.
It's just, you know Look, I know how hard it is out there.
I mean, as pathetic as it sounds, I just try and look at this as getting paid to try and find Mr.
Right.
Wow, that's very healthy perspective on the whole thing.
I mean happy, happy birthday we have something for you happy, happy birthday we have something for you Did you do this? I did it! You did this! - Happy birthday! Make a wish.
- Thank you.
Whee! Let's make this the best birthday you have ever had.
Sign me up.
Oh, you know what? I know of this incredible cheesecake place.
They have the most amazing mango chutney cheesecake.
- It is like it melts in your mouth.
- Good.
Cheesecake is so good, it's true.
Or - hear me out - Ok.
Atlantic City.
Atlantic City! You mean, like, New Jersey Atlantic City? I mean, don't get me wrong, i love the idea, it's just, you know, by the time we leave to go there now.
I know a company that could have us there in less than an hour.
Like a private plane? Freddy, it'll be so much fun! The casinos, they're right on the beach.
It's so romantic! - But, still, I don't know.
- Ok.
You know what? Oh, it's fine.
- You're disappointed.
- No, no.
It's a silly idea.
- It's not a silly idea.
It is.
No.
We can do your thing.
- But I don't want to do - The, the cheesecake thing.
- Yeah, we'll have fun.
- It's a good Do you know what? It's my birthday.
I'll fly if I want to.
- Let's do it! - I don't even care right now! Oh, my god! Hey, this isn't so bad, now, is it? I've never been this close before! - It's pretty good? - Yeah, it's amazing.
Come here.
Oh, my god! These seats are incredible! One of the many perks.
- Hey, what's up? - Hey, what's up, playa! Ryan, my man! - Hey, good luck tonight, guys.
- Say, good luck with you.
Yeah, well, I just might need it! Hey, it's almost tip-off time.
I gotta go take care of some business.
Don't go anywhere, all right? I'll be back in a snap.
Gator.
Hey, look, you were so right.
No, no, I just want to thank you for encouraging me to open my mind.
Yeah, tim is so - Lucky the Leprechaun! - Oh, my god, I gotta go.
Eey Jack.
Do me a favor and make sure Katherine gets home safely? Sure, herb.
Thanks.
Come on, let's go.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Nice to meet you.
Charming.
Hey I'm sorry.
I didn't see you there, Katherine.
Call me Kitty.
Furball? Olive.
You all right? I'm miserable.
You know, all I want is some companionship, some conversation, maybe a stiff cock tail once in a while.
Is that so much to ask? No.
No, no, no.
You know what? Hold that thought.
I'll be right back.
Somebody I want you to meet.
Stay there, ok? That's right, run! - Then I was confused by what I wanted.
- Can I talk to you for a minute? Hey, she is 29.
It was my first question out of the gate.
I have an emergency.
Where is she? Ok.
See that beauty over there? Name's Kitty.
Had a little bit too much to drink.
She And apparently she's flammable.
I need to ask you a huge favor.
She's all wound up.
I can't handle her right now.
- Will you take her home for me? - Why can't you take her home? Because have to work with these people.
I don't want this any more awkward than it already is.
I don't know, man.
I've got a real sweet tooth for this Jennifer Spanishton sitting over here by the chocolate volcano.
Hey, please do this for me.
Please do this! You can take the limo.
I'll cab it.
Ok.
I'll do it.
Only because it's you.
Ok.
Thank you.
Hey, be discreet.
Don't worry.
When have I ever not been discreet? Now! Live in the now.
Live in the now.
Gotta live good party, isn't it? Llllllucky the Leprechaunnnn! Yeah! That one's for you.
Are you ok? We'll take 2.
We're gonna take 2 of these.
Do you believe in fairy tales? I do now.
What about ufos? Do you believe in those? I haven't really thought about it.
Do you believe in low carbohydrate diets? No.
I like pasta.
I do, too.
Hey.
- Hey.
- What are you doing here? I was just checking the scores.
Why didn't you check them at your own place? 'Cause I just tucked Kitty into your bed.
But Why'd you bring her here? What do you mean? You told me to bring her home for you.
Her home, not my home! No, no, no, no, no, no! You said, and I quote, "please take her home for me, and be discreet.
" - Which is exactly what I've done.
- Please tell me you're joking.
Ok, I'm joking.
God But I'm not.
She's in your bed.
But I totally teed her up for you, man.
I sprayed some air freshener in there, lit some candles.
I told her how hot you thought she was, and then if she slept with you, it wouldn't be the worst thing for her career.
Are you kidding? That's sexual harassment.
- Even on the weekend? - Are you kidding? Anyway, it's fine.
I calmed her down.
She was mad? For like a second.
But I told her that you're normally not this pushy, but that, you know, you're a little desperate because of the divorce.
Gator! - I gotta go.
- No, Tommy! No, you have to take her home! By the way, I put your hamper by the bed in case she throws up again.
Gator, come to bed! - Oh my god! - You're in luck.
This morning, kitty waxed her whiskers.
Annie, Annie.
Listen to me.
Annie, look, last night may just have been like the best night - of my entire life.
- Mine, too! No, but, listen, I want to have last night every night with you.
I know this seems crazy, and it is crazy you know, but my friends, you know they always tell me that I need to take more chances, and I never do.
So without further undo, Annie Lewis Bappy, Would you What's wrong with this picture? She should be on her knees! Sir, I'm kind of in the middle of something Hey, hey, Atlantic City, Taj Mahal.
You're my kind of guy.
Chuck, we had the best time! Hi, Pookie.
Chuck? Who's this Chuck? Annie's full-time manager, Part-time boyfriend.
You said boyfriend? What do you say we just go ahead and settle up here, birthday boy? No, no, I already settled up.
I paid in advance.
For dinner, so all you're responsible for is the additional balance.
Additional balance? What does he mean, additional balance? Here's the breakdown.
You had her for 10 hours at the regular rate, the last 4 at time and a half, plus, you took her across state lines, which may or not be a violation of the mann act.
- This wasn't in the website - That's an additional surcharge.
And then, of course, uncle Sammy's gotta get his.
Yes, I agree with that.
- Tell you what I'm going to do.
- Ok.
- You know, you look like good people.
- I try.
I think, I'm gonna round it down to an even 8 grand.
It, $8,000? Yeah.
Nikki, hi.
Is this an ok time? Yeah.
Yeah, come on in.
I'm sorry I haven't signed the papers.
I'll get to it this week.
Actually, I'm glad you haven't signed them.
Really? Yeah, look, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I know I really messed up.
Look, it's over.
It's been over for a while.
And what about guy? Guy.
He's back at Cirque du Soleil.
I don't know.
I was just hoping there's maybe some chance that we could It's Dr.
Freddy.
I got raped by a monkey the other day.
I should probably take this.
Freddy, can I call you What? Hooker? What what Chuck? Who's Chuck? Freddy, slow down.
Slow all right, take it easy.
I'll be right there, ok? Look, Nikki, I'm sorry, I gotta go.
- You've given me a lot to think about.
- Well, what's to think about? I already told you, guy's gone, he left.
Guy left.
Well Thank you.
- Look, I'm a doctor.
I'm - Freddy, Freddy, Freddy, calm down.
Calm down, ok? It's gonna be ok.
All right, 8 grand.
Come on, I got systems.
Cash only.
Come on, man! What kind of business are you running? He said that she didn't in about.
- Hey! I tried, all right? 37-year-old virgin here wanted to wait.
- I thought she was different.
- She is different.
She's a hooker.
Where am I supposed to get 8 grand cash on a sunday, Mr.
I got systems? Hold on, wait, wait.
What? - Freddy, you didn't.
- I paid 11,000 for it.
Take it.
11,000? Be lucky to get 7 gs out of this.
What else you got? You don't have to do that, Gator.
All right, it's a deal.
I'll pawn 'em both.
You're gonna pawn 'em? What about us? Baby You're right.
You've been my top bitch for 12 years.
What do you say we tie the kink in the old cow's tail? Yes, yes, yes! All good under the hood.
No sign of effection.
- You really sign it? - Yeah.
I had an unexpected vistor this morning.
I begin to see things a little more clearly.
What visitor? What a lovely day! Mr.
Gately, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow morning at the office, at which time I would supply you a new hamper and a toilet brush.
Al go a frich you mec.
You are the first male in the baring last night.
- Thanks for walking me home.
- It's my pleasure.
You wouldn't want to come up for some coffee, would you? A little late for coffee.
Yeah.
I'd love a beer.
Ok.
Yeah, I know.
It's a little weird, Isn't it? No, no.
It, it shows your passion for your work.
Actually, all of this is for my roommate.
It just I don't know, it makes him feel so at home.
- Where's home? - Borneo.
You're gonna love him.
You're gonna love him.
Chango! Chango.
You want to give him a peanut? - I don't.
- Here you go.
Come on.
Just - hey, he took it! - Yeah! - He really likes you.
- We have a lot in common.
We're both evolving, we both have a little bit of a back hair issue.
Both have the Same taste in women.
Yes, question? - Can I show you something? - Sure.
Sure.
Show away.
I shot this during my last rescue.
See, in in the world of primates, the female always initiates.
This was bad idea, wasn't it? No, no, no, no.
That's just a very powerful image, very intense.
Yeah.
- It is, isn't it? - Yeah.
I mean, their mating rituals are so raw and so beautiful.
I'll give you the raw.
Would you like to do that? I'm sorry do what? That.
With me.
You want that? Yeah.
I could maybe give you half that.
Come on, Gator.
Take me like a silverback.
Come on.
This is new.
I'm countin' the days since i began to live without you I'm covered in rain, but it feels just like it's the sun and it don't get me down don't come around I'm finally alone and without you hey! I'm screamin' at you hey! Don't care enough to write you a letter now that I'm doin' better better off without you Season 1 - Episode 1 "Pilot" Luckily there was no penetration, but it appears you have a 2-Inch laceration on your upper-left gluteus and abrasions around your sphincter, and English.
Basically, Gator, your ass was pummeled, ok? But don't worry.
I think all you need is 3 stitches, and definitely a shave, for sure.
What the hell is going on here? Gator had a little run in with a bi-Curious George.
- Got attacked by a Monk.
Ey! - Sorry.
That clears things up.
Look, I'm on my way to the office.
Is there the slightest chance That you've signed your divorce papers? He's still wearing his ring.
What do you think? How many times do I have to tell you guys? I can't get the damn thing off.
- you try.
- Do not pull that finger.
Gator, I'm getting a lot of pressure from the other side.
Look, I just.
I want to go over the papers a couple more times, ok? Why? Is there something you forgot to give her? My bad.
- Hi, kid.
- Hey, Freddy.
- Nope.
Nursing a cold.
- Ok, lots of vitamins, tons of rest.
We got a limo picking us up, taking us to a party at the charles hotel for my company's merger.
Open bar, featuring Tommy's new brew.
That's right.
Trawler stout, inspired by my third wife.
Dark, rich, and a little nutty.
Sorry, you guys, I can't.
I have a date.
- Who's the new guy? - Actually, I met him at the gym.
He's funny, he's smart, he works for the Celtics.
He's got great posture.
Really clean fingernails.
He's, honorable.
- What's a matter with this guy? - He's short.
He's really short.
He can't help that.
I know, but I've just never dated a guy shorter than me before.
I mean, chad was 6'6", and I kind of like You know what? Not to be insensitive and please don't take this the wrong way, but chad was a douche.
- The biggest douche.
- Captain douche.
Guy played you for 7 years, never pulled the trigger.
All we're saying, kate, is don't compare everybody to the Chad.
- Open your mind.
- I know.
I know, you're right.
Tim is great, and I'm going to give it a shot.
Yeah, and you never know, you might be surprised, sometimes big things come in little packages.
Nope.
I've seen him in spandex.
Trust me, there's no surprises.
I'm gonna take off, guys.
Gator, sign those papers.
Freddy, burn those gloves.
Tommy, I've got nothing for you.
Well, all stitched up.
Keep those bandages clean.
Thanks, Doc.
Hey, we'll pick you up at 7:00, all right? Actually, I think tonight I'm going to pass on the festivities.
- What?! - What are you talkin' about? Well, I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but, you know, tonight is my birthday.
Hey, I totally forgot.
Happy birthday! Hey, yeah, happy birthday.
Now, you've gotta come out with us, man.
Well, no, it's just, you know, guys, for the last 9 years, Lareep and I, we would always go to thank goodness it is fridays for my birthday and, you know, I think this is what i want to do, you know? Hey, Freddy, Lareep left you 6 1/2 months ago.
Not spending your birthday by yourself.
- Come on, man, it'll be a blast.
- Look, guys, I will be fine, ok? What, you don't think I can get a date? No.
Trust me.
Ok, at work, nurses are constantly beating me off with a stick.
I'll bet.
I really can't tell you how excited I am that beacon street financial is merging with algonquin investments.
But we'll make a lot of money come monday.
Tonight, let's just make friends.
Thank you very much.
Have fun tonight.
- Thank you.
- Nice job, Jack.
It was all I could do not to give you a standing ovation.
Katherine, meet Jack.
It's a pleasure to finally meet you Mr.
Gately.
- The pleasure's mine.
- Katherine's my VP of operations.
She's been the brains behind my company for 15 years.
Ah, that's Baloney.
He's the brains.
I just do the legwork.
I see.
You're the wheeler, you're the dealer? You rock, you roll.
It's a little early in our relationship to be starting up with the gimp jokes, isn't it? Anyway, I want you to meet my daughter.
She's right over there.
She is beautiful.
Thanks.
Can't believe she's already a sophomore.
She going to boston college like her old man? Yeah, right.
I'm just trying to get her through the next 3 years of high school.
Would you excuse me? Be right back.
Bottoms up.
Hi, excuse me.
Don't you look lovely tonight.
Can I borrow you for a second? - Thank you.
- Excuse me.
Hey, man What are you doin'? Me and the lady are totally connecting.
Man, we're like on the same wavelength or something.
You know why? 'Cause she's 16! Now sign her yearbook and start talking to the adults.
I'm just, you know, I'm a little out of practice, you know.
This is my first date since '92.
December '92, so, you know, almost '93.
Don't apologize, Freddy.
It's not every day I get to have dinner with a doctor.
There's nothing more attractive then a man who's so passionate about what he does.
But I'm sure you're just as passionate about being a who who Pros prosti - An escort? - An escort, yes It's ok.
You can say it.
I'm not ashamed.
No.
I'd never suggested you should be.
It's just, you know Look, I know how hard it is out there.
I mean, as pathetic as it sounds, I just try and look at this as getting paid to try and find Mr.
Right.
Wow, that's very healthy perspective on the whole thing.
I mean happy, happy birthday we have something for you happy, happy birthday we have something for you Did you do this? I did it! You did this! - Happy birthday! Make a wish.
- Thank you.
Whee! Let's make this the best birthday you have ever had.
Sign me up.
Oh, you know what? I know of this incredible cheesecake place.
They have the most amazing mango chutney cheesecake.
- It is like it melts in your mouth.
- Good.
Cheesecake is so good, it's true.
Or - hear me out - Ok.
Atlantic City.
Atlantic City! You mean, like, New Jersey Atlantic City? I mean, don't get me wrong, i love the idea, it's just, you know, by the time we leave to go there now.
I know a company that could have us there in less than an hour.
Like a private plane? Freddy, it'll be so much fun! The casinos, they're right on the beach.
It's so romantic! - But, still, I don't know.
- Ok.
You know what? Oh, it's fine.
- You're disappointed.
- No, no.
It's a silly idea.
- It's not a silly idea.
It is.
No.
We can do your thing.
- But I don't want to do - The, the cheesecake thing.
- Yeah, we'll have fun.
- It's a good Do you know what? It's my birthday.
I'll fly if I want to.
- Let's do it! - I don't even care right now! Oh, my god! Hey, this isn't so bad, now, is it? I've never been this close before! - It's pretty good? - Yeah, it's amazing.
Come here.
Oh, my god! These seats are incredible! One of the many perks.
- Hey, what's up? - Hey, what's up, playa! Ryan, my man! - Hey, good luck tonight, guys.
- Say, good luck with you.
Yeah, well, I just might need it! Hey, it's almost tip-off time.
I gotta go take care of some business.
Don't go anywhere, all right? I'll be back in a snap.
Gator.
Hey, look, you were so right.
No, no, I just want to thank you for encouraging me to open my mind.
Yeah, tim is so - Lucky the Leprechaun! - Oh, my god, I gotta go.
Eey Jack.
Do me a favor and make sure Katherine gets home safely? Sure, herb.
Thanks.
Come on, let's go.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Nice to meet you.
Charming.
Hey I'm sorry.
I didn't see you there, Katherine.
Call me Kitty.
Furball? Olive.
You all right? I'm miserable.
You know, all I want is some companionship, some conversation, maybe a stiff cock tail once in a while.
Is that so much to ask? No.
No, no, no.
You know what? Hold that thought.
I'll be right back.
Somebody I want you to meet.
Stay there, ok? That's right, run! - Then I was confused by what I wanted.
- Can I talk to you for a minute? Hey, she is 29.
It was my first question out of the gate.
I have an emergency.
Where is she? Ok.
See that beauty over there? Name's Kitty.
Had a little bit too much to drink.
She And apparently she's flammable.
I need to ask you a huge favor.
She's all wound up.
I can't handle her right now.
- Will you take her home for me? - Why can't you take her home? Because have to work with these people.
I don't want this any more awkward than it already is.
I don't know, man.
I've got a real sweet tooth for this Jennifer Spanishton sitting over here by the chocolate volcano.
Hey, please do this for me.
Please do this! You can take the limo.
I'll cab it.
Ok.
I'll do it.
Only because it's you.
Ok.
Thank you.
Hey, be discreet.
Don't worry.
When have I ever not been discreet? Now! Live in the now.
Live in the now.
Gotta live good party, isn't it? Llllllucky the Leprechaunnnn! Yeah! That one's for you.
Are you ok? We'll take 2.
We're gonna take 2 of these.
Do you believe in fairy tales? I do now.
What about ufos? Do you believe in those? I haven't really thought about it.
Do you believe in low carbohydrate diets? No.
I like pasta.
I do, too.
Hey.
- Hey.
- What are you doing here? I was just checking the scores.
Why didn't you check them at your own place? 'Cause I just tucked Kitty into your bed.
But Why'd you bring her here? What do you mean? You told me to bring her home for you.
Her home, not my home! No, no, no, no, no, no! You said, and I quote, "please take her home for me, and be discreet.
" - Which is exactly what I've done.
- Please tell me you're joking.
Ok, I'm joking.
God But I'm not.
She's in your bed.
But I totally teed her up for you, man.
I sprayed some air freshener in there, lit some candles.
I told her how hot you thought she was, and then if she slept with you, it wouldn't be the worst thing for her career.
Are you kidding? That's sexual harassment.
- Even on the weekend? - Are you kidding? Anyway, it's fine.
I calmed her down.
She was mad? For like a second.
But I told her that you're normally not this pushy, but that, you know, you're a little desperate because of the divorce.
Gator! - I gotta go.
- No, Tommy! No, you have to take her home! By the way, I put your hamper by the bed in case she throws up again.
Gator, come to bed! - Oh my god! - You're in luck.
This morning, kitty waxed her whiskers.
Annie, Annie.
Listen to me.
Annie, look, last night may just have been like the best night - of my entire life.
- Mine, too! No, but, listen, I want to have last night every night with you.
I know this seems crazy, and it is crazy you know, but my friends, you know they always tell me that I need to take more chances, and I never do.
So without further undo, Annie Lewis Bappy, Would you What's wrong with this picture? She should be on her knees! Sir, I'm kind of in the middle of something Hey, hey, Atlantic City, Taj Mahal.
You're my kind of guy.
Chuck, we had the best time! Hi, Pookie.
Chuck? Who's this Chuck? Annie's full-time manager, Part-time boyfriend.
You said boyfriend? What do you say we just go ahead and settle up here, birthday boy? No, no, I already settled up.
I paid in advance.
For dinner, so all you're responsible for is the additional balance.
Additional balance? What does he mean, additional balance? Here's the breakdown.
You had her for 10 hours at the regular rate, the last 4 at time and a half, plus, you took her across state lines, which may or not be a violation of the mann act.
- This wasn't in the website - That's an additional surcharge.
And then, of course, uncle Sammy's gotta get his.
Yes, I agree with that.
- Tell you what I'm going to do.
- Ok.
- You know, you look like good people.
- I try.
I think, I'm gonna round it down to an even 8 grand.
It, $8,000? Yeah.
Nikki, hi.
Is this an ok time? Yeah.
Yeah, come on in.
I'm sorry I haven't signed the papers.
I'll get to it this week.
Actually, I'm glad you haven't signed them.
Really? Yeah, look, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I know I really messed up.
Look, it's over.
It's been over for a while.
And what about guy? Guy.
He's back at Cirque du Soleil.
I don't know.
I was just hoping there's maybe some chance that we could It's Dr.
Freddy.
I got raped by a monkey the other day.
I should probably take this.
Freddy, can I call you What? Hooker? What what Chuck? Who's Chuck? Freddy, slow down.
Slow all right, take it easy.
I'll be right there, ok? Look, Nikki, I'm sorry, I gotta go.
- You've given me a lot to think about.
- Well, what's to think about? I already told you, guy's gone, he left.
Guy left.
Well Thank you.
- Look, I'm a doctor.
I'm - Freddy, Freddy, Freddy, calm down.
Calm down, ok? It's gonna be ok.
All right, 8 grand.
Come on, I got systems.
Cash only.
Come on, man! What kind of business are you running? He said that she didn't in about.
- Hey! I tried, all right? 37-year-old virgin here wanted to wait.
- I thought she was different.
- She is different.
She's a hooker.
Where am I supposed to get 8 grand cash on a sunday, Mr.
I got systems? Hold on, wait, wait.
What? - Freddy, you didn't.
- I paid 11,000 for it.
Take it.
11,000? Be lucky to get 7 gs out of this.
What else you got? You don't have to do that, Gator.
All right, it's a deal.
I'll pawn 'em both.
You're gonna pawn 'em? What about us? Baby You're right.
You've been my top bitch for 12 years.
What do you say we tie the kink in the old cow's tail? Yes, yes, yes! All good under the hood.
No sign of effection.
- You really sign it? - Yeah.
I had an unexpected vistor this morning.
I begin to see things a little more clearly.
What visitor? What a lovely day! Mr.
Gately, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow morning at the office, at which time I would supply you a new hamper and a toilet brush.
Al go a frich you mec.
You are the first male in the baring last night.