Up All Night (2011) s01e02 Episode Script

I hope our new neighboors are cool.
Yeah, we don't need another whammy like Doris, with her mean grandson Daniel with his crossbow.
Ah, we get to see what they look likeHere they come.
No way they'll be as cool as that car.
- I'll tell you that much.
- Right.
Whoa.
Wow.
Oh, my God, even their dog is cool.
Aww.
That dog makes every other dog in this neighborhood look like garbage.
Do you think they can see us staring at them? - What? No way.
- You sure? Yeah, you know, 'cause of the reflection - of the sun and the whatnot.
- Are you sure? Yeah, check it out.
I can do this.
They won't see this.
I could do this all day.
Well, if they can't see us, I guess they can't see me do that! Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I love that.
You know I love that.
- What? What? What? - Back it in there.
Hey, neighbors You like the spankin'.
Hey, neighbors, we like the spankin'.
You know how we roll up in here? - We spank it.
We spank it.
- We love that.
- We spank it - We do that all the ti - Yeah, they can see us.
- Yeah, direct eye contact.
- Yeah.
- Chris, what just happened? Oh, man.
Oh, are you kidding me? Oh, my God! This is the one we were talking about.
I bet you he's a conceptual artist.
He's, like, way out there, but, like, we'd get it, you know? Do you think that's his wife? The skinny guy with the cool hair? No, honey, she's androgynous.
It's, like, a thing.
Oh, I love her.
I cannot get over that haircut.
It's, like, old-fashioned, but in a new and modern way that I never would have even considered.
AhBummer! Wait, babe, what's wrong? Nothing.
It's just, you know, look at how hot and cool they are.
And, like, you know, you have vomit on your shirt, and I'm wearing maternity leggings.
Come on, babe, what are you talking about, we're cool.
- We are? - Yes! We had tickets to radiohead at the bowl tonight.
You're the one who told me to sell 'em.
They were in the back row.
Plus, I couldn't get a sitter, so we're not going anywhere.
Uh-oh, Gene and Terry alert.
No! Hi, I'm Gene, this is Terry, welcome to the neighborhood.
Unless I'm gene athis is Terry.
No, but don't panic.
We don't know either.
You know what, though, their baby is the same age as Amy, and I gotta get a play date with them.
See, now the cool people are gonna think that everyone in the neighborhood sucks.
Wait, is he giving them food? He is.
I bet you it's a hot dog casserole.
And you know they're vegans, honey.
Come on, gene, don't do it, buddy.
- Don'tOh, he did it.
- Damn it.
All right, you know what we're gonna do? - What? - We're gonna give 'em a gift.
Something that says, "welcome to the neighborhood, we're cool.
" I like your thinking.
You know what? Let's put a bottle of tequila on their porch and just leave a note.
- That is the perfect gift.
- I know.
Hey, Ava, listen.
I'm gonna be a little late today.
Chris and I got some new neighbors, and we're being kind of ridiculous about it.
Oh, you two.
So much lovemaking.
Don't worry, I'll be in before that meeting at 10:00.
- Okay? - The meeting with Affiliates? Put it on the porch? Put it on the porch.
Also, Chris might bring Amy by later.
Oh, the baby.
I cannot wait.
There is nothing more important to me than I gotta go.
I love you, Ava! What? Me? I love you.
Keep on watching and growing.
Oh, oh, oh! Hi.
Oh.
I just, uh Yeah, I, uh What? Honey.
Honey.
Honey! What happened out there? - I wasn't ready.
- No, what did you say? She caught me off guard.
I just - I wasn't ready.
- What did you say.
I said"Tek-weela.
" Now we have to move.
If you hit "reply all," it really does meall.
Reagan Brinkley, you've got an itty-bitty visitor.
Where my sweet baby people at? Boo boo, boo boo bear! Hi boo boo.
Yeah, we just got back from a check-up, and Amy is officially in the 85th percentile in head size.
And the 150th percentile in cuteness.
Oh, look at you.
You got beauty and brains.
- I wonder where that came from.
- Thanks, babe.
Amy! Can I hold her? - Yeah, of course.
- Yeah.
You are so cute.
Reagan, I'm so P.
O.
'D.
Jin Jin is nowhere, and I need somebody to brush me out.
- Um, let me - Maybe this is a bad time Chris! Oh, hi.
I didn't see you there.
Oh, my goodness, I'm so embarrassed.
I have curlers in my hair.
I'm such a mess.
Oh, God.
At least I have a new outfit on, right? It's Marc Jacobs.
Man's opinion Do you think this dress makes me look too thin? Yes.
Christopher! Sweetie, Amy's here.
My baby.
- Your baby's here! - Yeah.
Oh, neat.
Where is your angel girl? - There she is.
- There she is.
Amy-kins.
- Hey, there's the baby.
- You want to hold her? - Yes.
- Okay.
That would be great to hold her.
I can't wait to get that baby in my arms.
- I love to hold babies.
- Okay, get ready.
BabeNo, more of a cradling thing.
- Huh? - It's not a fitting.
It's likeYou're not getting your nails done.
What are you doing, tai chi? What's going on here? - I got her.
- Here, just grab her.
There we go.
Got her? Got her? You got her? I got her.
OhMmmOkay.
This is Mmm, this is amazing.
I think she's just sensing that you're a bit nervous.
I'm not I'm not nervous.
Laughing and crying are very similar, so just And she's vomiting.
So much vomit I think that's just drool, actually.
You know what, at this age, they're a little afraid of strangers, so don't take offense.
Shh.
Shh.
You know what? I know what this is.
Guys, clearly this baby has never been around a person of color before.
Oh, my God! Is that Amy? She is gorgeous.
Can I hold her? Yeah, of course.
Hey.
Whoa, and she's so big.
- Must be in the 80th percentile.
- That's what I said.
Yeah! Little Keisha was still in diapers when my mother died and I had to raise my three little siblings.
Oh, Calvin, I think Amy's a little bit bored with that story.
Why don't you just give her back to auntie Ava? Here we go.
That's it.
Hey.
Oh, look at that, I got her to laugh.
Okay.
Oh, that's great.
Bye, Amy.
Love you.
Baby girl.
Ava.
- Hey, honey.
- Hey, babe.
- Amy go down okay? - Yeah.
What's going on with the neighbors? I am about to seduce them with some sweet-ass tuneage.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
Your music or my music? What do you mean "my" music? Jamiroquai.
Mighty Mighty Bosstones.
- Those are good bands.
- Train? - That's ironic.
- Is it? Oh, my God, is that him? That's the guy.
He's coming over here.
I gotta get my music on.
Oh, no, no, no, you won't! Is he coming? Oh, God! - He just saw me staring at him.
- What? Every time he looks over here we're staring at him! We gotta look like we do something other than just stare at the MmmMmm.
All right, that's him.
- That's who? - Oh, stop it! Hey, I'm Trent.
I'm Reagan.
Um, this is Chris.
What's up, mate? We love conceptual arts.
- Brilliant.
- Babe? Hey, so I just wanted to say thank you for that tequila.
That was really nice.
- Oh, God, no biggie.
- Oh, yeah.
No, no, no, no.
We justWe love to party.
- Yeah.
We like your car.
- Oh, thank you.
Yeah, and your wife.
Is she a dj or something? Like--or does she play the harp? Is she, like, an indie harpist? 'Cause, oh, God, I love the harp.
- She's a designer.
- I'm a TV producer.
Yeah, have you ever heard of the shAva? You know, you don't watch it, do you? It'sIt's pretty popular, and it's sort of a thing.
Great.
Hey, we actually just wanted to invite all the neighbors to a house-warming party.
It starts at 10:30.
Ooh, gosh, 10:30 on a weeknight's - a little late for us.
- We're gonna be out already.
- Where are we gonna be? - We're gonna be at the bowl.
- We don't even have a sitter.
- The bowl, honey.
Oh, the bowl.
Yes.
Radiohead.
We're going to see Radiohead at the bowl.
So it's not like that's good for us.
Yeah, they added a super-secret second show and I was able to get us a couple seats way in the backstage.
Front row.
The front row.
Onstage.
- On the stage.
Again.
- Right onstage, tuning guitars.
Well, we should hang out some other time.
Maybe go to a show or something.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Yes.
Totally! - I'll Facebook you guys.
- Okay.
- Um, Reagan and Chris - Brinkley.
- Okay, I'll see you around.
- Say hi to your wife for us.
- Cheerio, mate.
- I love her hair.
Yup.
Oh, God.
- We blew that.
We blew it.
- What is wrong with me? ****.
Can't worry about that right now.
Gotta make sure that our Facebook pictures look good before he requests us.
OkayWait a minute.
Why do you "like" flair dry cleaners? They say one day, and they mean it.
These guys get it done.
You also "like" crystal light? Soup? The news.
You like the news, honey? You really gotta cool it on the "likes.
" I can't help it, all right? These thumbs-up make me happy.
Plus, a lot of these are ironic.
No, ironic is bad movies and malt liquor.
Not "J.
Crew at the grove" and "Lipitor.
" - It lowers cholesterol.
- Oh, just fix it.
Fix it! What about juice Newton? Am I allowed to like juice Newton? Yes, you can like juice Newton, but you also have to like Morrissey, all right? It's about balance.
Not according to your page.
What? What's wrong with my page? It's a wasteland.
You don't like anything.
Honey, I work a full-time job and I have a baby.
When the hell am I on Facebook? Well, your last status update is from before Amy was born.
"Heading to the hospital.
" People probably think you died.
Fine.
Here we go.
"Back from hospital.
Turned out great.
" Oh, look, "Chris Brinkley likes this.
" It makes me happy.
I didn't want to say anything in front of Reagan, but I'm deeply worried her baby might be a dud.
Who in their right mind would not want to be cradled by me? Al jarreau did not mind it, I can assure you of that.
I would love it.
Maybe I should get Amy a gift.
Missy, look, a baby wallet.
I think that's just a small wallet.
Nope, it's a baby wallet.
Baby's first wallet.
Everybody knows about that tradition.
Really? Do babies need a wallet? Yeah, for baby money.
What, are you saying I don't know what babies need? Amy is practically my other child besides my Porsche.
Excuse me, Ava.
Hi, I'm Helen.
If it wasn't for you, I never would have lost weight or discovered R&B.
I used to be so sad.
Now I'm fly.
You were always fly.
You just didn't know it yet.
Now, excuse me.
I'm in the middle of buying a baby her first wallet.
Keep on watching and growing.
Thank you.
Bon appetit.
It's wonderful.
Everywhere I go, people love me.
Oh, I get it.
That's why you're getting Amy this wallet.
You can't stand that there might be a person out there who doesn't love you.
Ooh, really, is that what it is? Where did you get your psychology degree, missy? Cal state dominguez hills.
It was a rhetorical question.
Go get me that wallet.
And get me a baby handbag too.
- I think it's a change purse.
- Okay.
Come on, are you kidding me? Amy was supposed to be asleep at 6:30.
What time is it? It's-- You know what, babe, I think I gotta call the cops.
No.
No, you can't do that, babe.
If you call the cops, then the neighbors are gonna think that we're "those" people.
Reagan.
Ava.
Honey, what are you doing here? It's almost midnight.
I was on my way back from the chateau, and I saw your light on.
Everyone was loving me.
We were just laughing.
- And I got Amy a gift.
- You did? Oh, thank you.
OhWow.
It's, um Baby wallet.
Traditional wallet for babies.
You know, just a place to put her cash.
Here, Amy.
Here you go.
Take it.
OhShe loves it.
- It was a silly idea anyway.
- She loves it, honey.
Missy's idea.
She said, "get a baby wallet.
" I was, like, "that's stupid.
Babies don't have cash.
" - We love it, honey.
- Bye, y'all.
We love you.
Thanks for stopping by, Ava.
Babe, do you hear that? No music.
Oh, my God, we can finally get some sleep.
Thank you.
That's it, I'm calling the cops.
Yep.
Do it.
Yes, it's 15226 morningside drive.
Uh, sure, yeah.
It's Brinkley.
B-R-I-N-L-L-- What are you doing? You don't give your real name! Have you never dealt with the cops before? No, not really.
You always give a fake name, honey.
Now the cool neighbors are gonna find out we're the ones who called.
They're gonna think we're "those" people.
Oh, my God, you're right.
All right, I got it.
I got it.
We'll just We'll go over there and pretend we've been there for hours.
- Yes.
You're a genius.
Yes.
- Let's just do that.
- All right, I'll call a sitter.
- Okay.
Hey, Calvin, thank you so much for babysitting.
I promise you it'll be no more than an hour.
No problem.
She's an angel.
I should be thanking you.
Check it out.
I fit right back into my pre-Amy jeans.
They look great, right? Honey, does your t-shirt say "huey Lewis and the news"? It's ironic.
But you love huey Lewis and the news.
- They don't know that.
- All right, Calvin, listen.
Just don't worry about trying to get her to sleep.
It's way too loud.
She's already asleep.
- He's amazing.
- He's really good.
Okay, so, here is the thing.
We go in, we make sure they see us, but we have to act like we've been there for hours.
Yeah.
So let's, uh Let's act like seven drin No, like ten-drink drunk.
We're not faking a problem here.
Like, two shots and a beer.
Okay.
That's much more mellow, but yeah, we'll sell that.
Yeah, two shots and a beer.
Excuse me, please.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
OhHey! Hey.
Neighbor girl, what's up? Oh, man, I am so wasted right now.
We've been here for, like, hours and hours - Since the concert.
- What concert? Radiohead, at the bowl.
I sat onstage.
Nice.
Did you see warpaint at the echo? Oh, yeah.
I saw them.
Um, I'm gonna get another drink.
Do you want anything? No, that's okay.
I'm not drinking.
Oh, okay.
Sobes.
I get it.
That's rock and roll.
Catch you later.
Hey, babe! - Babe, hey! Sorry.
- This is fun, right? - Yeah, it's a blast.
- This is fun.
I'm having fun.
My jeans are really tight.
But they look good.
It is such a relief to have cool neighbors.
Yes, totally.
We were thinking the same thing.
Hey, babe, I was just saying we love to party - Oh, yeah.
- And we love to keep it loud.
You get it.
You guys get it.
Man, I'm beer-goggling so bad right now, I might even have sex with that guy.
She's kidding.
We do it all the time.
It's, like, nonstop, like Wait, is that a cop car outside? - What? - Wow.
Oh, no, not That's quick.
Officers.
Hey, come in.
How can I help you? Your neighbor registered a noise complaint.
Oh.
Do you think it'd be okay if everyone stayed but we just turned the music off? I can give 'em a call, find out.
Hey hey, hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey your lipstick stain - I know.
I got it.
- On the front lobe of my left side brain My jeans are super tight I can't get anything out.
I knew I wouldn't forget you It's ironic.
Probably my dealer calling to see if I want to score some Look, I'm sorry, we had to call the cops.
We have a baby, and her name is Amy.
And we would do absolutely anything to make sure that she goes to sleep.
It's okay.
We'll probably do the same thing with ours.
What? Oh, my God, you're pregnant! Well, we haven't officially told anyone just yet.
Yeah, my God, you're gonna become a dad! I'm a dad! But I still like morrissey, and he's asexual, and he's from england.
Oh, yeah.
That's good, though.
You're doing good.
All right, see you guys.
- Congratulations.
- Oh, man, that's so great.
You too.
Cheers.
Thank you so much for understanding.
Nice meeting you.
All right.
Peace in the middle east! I don't know what I'm saying anymore.
No, we don't need to do it anymore.
That wasn't the most embarrassing night of my life, was it? Oh, no.
I'd say Daytona beach, '97, when you lost your bathing suit bottoms - in the water.
- Ah, yes.
Well, that was the best day of your life.
It was.
- Until Amy was born.
- Yes.
But it's a close second.
Oh, honey, I'm a mom.
Yeah - And I'm a dad.
- Yep.
- And it's awesome.
- Yep.
And you know what, we do not need to be the coolest family in the neighborhood.
No, we don't.
We don't have to have a mailbox like that, though, do we? What are you talking about? You don't like my mailbox? Oh, gene! Oh, Terry! Hello, gene and Terry.
Wow, what a night for a walk, huh? We were just saying how much we love your mailbox.
Yeah, it's very whimsical.
You got some poopies there, huh? Let's get that play date on the books, huh? Yeah.
- I think they heard us.
- No.
I think they did.
Ah.
Hello, Ava.
Reagan, I just want to make sure you got my email on the show about hair-weave disasters.
- I have a ton of new ideas.
- Okay.
And I need to know why your daughter hates me.
What? Honey, she doesn't hate you.
Yes, she does.
Did you see the way she was rubbing it in my face, pretending to like Calvin? Ava, honey, it's just taking everyone a little while to get adjusted, that's all.
Are you sure? Yes, I am positive.
You know what, why don't I bring Amy into the office tomorrow, and you'll see that it's different? - I promise.
- All right.
I have to go now.
Paul is hungry.
Mmm.
Do you like your teething ring? Hey, mama.
Uh, so just so you know, the teachers in the first segment are all gonna have a two-minute intro, so - There you are! Sorry.
- Yeah.
Um, so, Reagan, you wanted me to pull you out when you got that call? - Oh, yes.
- What call? Oh, a call about the wheel FlagWaving.
Does this have something to do with me hosting the rose parade? Because I will do it.
Yeah, you know what? - If she cries, just pick her up.
- Actually No, you'll be fine.
You're good.
Amy and I are not No, we're not.
No, please, no! Great.
Hi.
Hi there.
Hello.
Hi.
Hi.
Looks like it's just You and me For a little while.
Okay.
You mind if I Sit down there with you? Okay, here I This is me sitting.
That's it.
All right.
That wasn't too scary, was it? Wow, is that a little track suit you've got going on? It's actually pretty flattering on you.
Okay, I am going to try and pick you up now.
This isThis is me picking you up.
All right? I'm just gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna just getGet Get this lady up.
There we go.
Look at that.
And you're on my lap.
See, that wasn't too bad, was it? It's nice.
Hello, miss Amy.
It's really nice to meet you and your baby legs.
I bet it's nice to meet me too, huh? A lot of people feel that way.
And we're good.
Baby loves me.
Reagan, we're done.
And we're done.
Baby loves me.
Reagan! Reagan! Luckily, you don't have to stay up all night to wait for me more up all night, check it out.
Hey, sou sister ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo the way you move ain't fair, you know hey, soul sister I don't wanna miss a single thing I'm being ironic.
Are ya?