Velma (2023) s02e09 Episode Script

1
Previously on Velma
The military used Uncle Scoobi's photos
of Dr. Perdue's journal pages
to create an invincible
super soldier
to infiltrate groups
of meddling kids.
But it went bad.
I see you, ghost.
Velma! Velma, where are you?
- Help!
- Velma!
When I was little,
it was easy to spot a villain.
He had an unironic,
handlebar mustache,
and you knew
who to root against.
But over time villains have gotten
more complicated.
Oh, God, who are you?
And what are you?
Nowadays, when judging
villains, we have to ask,
"Do people hate you
because you're bad?"
Or "Are you bad
because people hate you?"
Hello, Velma.
I'm Scrappy.
Okay. Every student has been
accounted for except two.
Velma Dinkley and
Theodore P. Butt-Sack,
whom, I just realized,
is on here as a joke.
Velma was dragged away
by the serial killer.
Who's gonna
solve this mystery now?
Don't worry, everyone!
Don and the military
are going to find Velma!
And the police will gladly work with
them so they're not slowed down
by some action movie-style
jurisdictional pissing match.
Remain calm, everyone.
The private sector
has arrived to find Velma.
Back off, William.
This is a military matter.
What's that? I can't hear you
without a megaphone!
I said the private sector is no match
for the United States military.
And I'll be damned
if my ex-wife's rich boyfriend
finds my daughter before me,
Especially since William
already showed up Aman
by proposing to Diya
before Aman proposed to me.
Which he still hasn't done.
Even though I bore him a child.
Stop! This is silly.
The only thing that matters
right now is saving Velma.
And William has
the biggest megaphone!
So the day may come when a mystery
in this town is solved by adults.
But today is not that day.
We're clearly gonna have
to find Velma ourselves.
So you're the evil super soldier?
A talking dog named Scrappy?
How is that even possible?
How is it possible?
Puppy Power!
And cutting-edge technology.
Mostly, cutting-edge
technology, if I'm honest.
The speaker
from the Baby Babble Box!
I was right. The military connected it
to your evil brain!
Yes. But I'm not evil.
I didn't kill those men!
Scrappy Dappy Doo!
But those weird outbursts
are making me very uncomfortable,
the same complaint the victims had
before they were murdered.
I know, but they're not
weird outbursts.
- They're catchphrases, baby.
- Catchphrases?
Yes. You see,
Project SCOOBI built me
to appeal to meddling kids
so I could infiltrate them.
Okay, but you
live in a literal lair,
complete with a strung-out woman
lounging in the background.
That's classic villain-ish.
She's not strung-out. She's recovering
from the bus accident.
No one was supposed
to get hurt.
I just wanted
to get your attention.
What? Why?
Because you've already caught
one serial killer,
and I need help catching
the person framing me.
Sergeant Don, Gigi's father.
Don? Please. No one loves
a good twist more than me.
But there are not enough
flashbacks in the world
to make me believe
Don's the killer.
I can do it in four.
But to prove to you that
I'm innocent, you're free to go.
All I ask is you remember
that there was a time
no one believed you,
that your mom was kidnapped
Help!
I'm stuck again.
That's the same spot you were stuck
in before. We're going in circles.
Why is Fred in the lead?
I don't want to be.
But when I try to fall back,
someone keeps
pushing me to the front.
What? No, we don't.
Someone's there. Velma?
You know, I think
jump-scares are cheap!
- There you are!
- Grandma?
This manhunt for Velma has the military
sniffing around the asylum.
I need to move out now!
Fred, is my old lab
in your basement still there?
Or, can I assume
it's a sex dungeon?
I mean, the staff has sex down there,
but they say it's nice.
How did you even
find us out here?
- I told her where we were.
- What?
I've been secretly
working for Dr. Perdue.
Because Fred's mom is a ghost!
I thought Norville
was just hallucinating.
It was, like, a whole thing.
Oh, God! I'm lost
and I'm gonna die out here!
Do you want some water?
Just kill me already. Please.
All I want is for you to listen
to my
Side of the story.
Fine. But there's nothing you can say
that will make me be like
"Oh, snap!
That changes everything."
I understand. My story begins
two years ago
When an undercover operative,
named Uncle Scoobi,
took photographs of my mom
reading Dr. Perdue's journals.
Don told me.
And did Don tell you
Uncle Scoobi is now missing?
Snap. I mean, continue.
So two years ago,
Uncle Scoobi convinced
the military,
a precocious,
catchphrase-spouting puppy
would be the perfect way
to infiltrate and monitor meddling kids.
Everyone pitched
on other personality traits
that would make kids
instantly love me.
But there was
dissension among the ranks.
Are we sure
invincibility is a good idea?
Oh, no, you're right.
A super soldier that's easy
to kill makes a lot more sense.
And so from the scraps
of Dr. Perdue's journals,
I was born.
Okay, leash time!
So that's why
you're called Scrappy.
No, Scrappy is a portmanteau
of "shitty" and "crappy".
Don gave it to me as we
got off on the wrong foot.
Literally!
I ate his sneakers.
Oh, come on!
I was ordered my own pairs
to chew on.
I have that form,
but if these are the same
as Don's sneakers
Is he the one who tackled me
in the graveyard?
Yes. Sure. Don was annoyed
I chewed his sneakers.
But the fact that everyone else
loved my catchphrases,
invincibility and spunky energy,
slowly drove him crazy.
Until Don pressured the others to sign
a petition to get rid of me.
So it was Don who made
the men uncomfortable, not you!
Which is why he would've old my dad
not to take the case.
But when everyone
refused to sign his petition
to get rid of me, Don snapped.
And decided to kill them
and frame me.
Which isn't surprising.
When it comes to guys
making people uncomfortable,
where there's smoke
There's fire. Yes, but was that enough
to frame you for murder?
Velma! Where are you?
I'm scared!
William will find you first!
Remember, Velma,
you don't have to help me.
If you don't believe me,
you're free to go.
I thought we already decided
Mother wasn't a ghost at the seance.
And how do you two
know each other?
Wait. Is there an app to make
friends with old people?
No. In my brain research,
I've long suspected
human consciousness detaches from
the brain and continues after death.
So when I put my brain
in Daphne and Amber could tell,
I hired them to try to see
if your hallucinations were,
in fact, Victoria's
detached consciousness,
aka, a ghost.
Oh, snap!
Mother? Quick, how's my hair?
False alarm!
It's only Velma.
- Wait!
- Velma!
Velma, I found you!
First! Thank God!
- I have to go now.
- Get Dr. Perdue to Fred's basement.
I'll stay with Velma.
Velma, what happened?
Velma!
Well, everything seems
normal, thank goodness.
Now, how did you
escape the killer?
Killer? After the accident,
I just wandered the woods in a daze,
like I was in a perfume commercial.
Okay, well, not great that
the killer is still on the loose,
but now it's time to focus
on what's important.
I found Velma first.
And wasn't shown up by William.
Sure. Not this time, at least.
Not anytime!
Diya said "no" to his proposal.
Actually, now might not be
the best time,
but after watching
William's search for Velma
like she was his own child
More than my own child!
Fred spent a month lost
in our own hedge maze.
Well, the point is William,
if the offer still stands,
and Velma is okay with it,
I accept your proposal.
Velma, remember,
you can say "no."
Well?
Actually, Mom, if William makes
you happy, I say go for it.
Velma, come with us!
We'll get boba
if you let me interrogate you.
I mean, talk to you more.
Thanks, but I'm going with my mom.
She just got engaged and has zero
friends to bore with the news.
Mom, I'm gonna head home
with Dad and Don.
A three-hour explanation of why
the NBA was better in the '80s
will help me sleep.
Velma, what's really going on?
And how are you so chill
about your mom marrying William?
You said the only stepfather
you'd ever accept was Rahul Kohli.
Because her marriage will help me help
my new friend clear his name.
New friend?
Hello!
I can't believe you've had
a brain-swapping machine
and we haven't done
more with it.
Maybe it's because you've been
too busy hiding a ghost from us!
I'm not hiding anything,
it's just a theory.
Hey, my dad and Diya
got engaged!
What?
So you're saying
Don's the actual killer,
but is trying to frame
this invincible talking dog?
- Snap, right?
- Not "Oh, snap". It makes no sense.
If Don wanted to frame Scrappy,
why would he first frame
the witches, and then
just women in general?
- I'm the serial killer.
- I hadn't thought of that.
Before you "Oh, snap" I can explain.
See, Don didn't convince
the military I was the killer
until the coroners were dead.
That's when
Uncle Scoobi and I fled.
While the military blamed
the murders on witches and women
to keep anyone from tracing them
back to their top-secret project.
Okay, but just one question.
Who is Uncle Scoobi?
That's the thing.
I never saw their face.
But I didn't think twice
about it because I'm a dog.
I see with my nose.
Yeah! Okay. Sure.
Velma, this is crazy.
Scrappy is clearly the killer.
How can you believe him?
Because I've been him.
No one believed me when I said
my mom was kidnapped.
Or when I said
I didn't kill Brenda.
Okay.
Hey, just an FYI,
I can still hear you. I'm a dog.
So the plan is to get Don
away from his guards
in order to make him
admit he's the killer
and tell us where Uncle Scoobi is.
But Scrappy is invincible.
Why not just grab Don right now?
Because Don's guards
are armed with
My one weakness.
Vacuum cleaners.
Of course. Anyway, thanks
to my mom getting engaged,
I think we might be
able to isolate Don
at the one thing
all true sociopaths love.
- A bachelor party.
- For William?
No. Not William's
bachelor party.
My dad's. We're gonna get him
to finally propose to Sophie.
Can I come?
I love proposals.
They combine my two favorite things,
romance and competing
for likes on social media.
Actually, I need you to
- Stay here with me.
- What? Why?
In case, Velma does
something stupid,
like try and rat me out
to those guards.
Dogs can sense energy,
you know?
And you're both
making me nervous.
I totally get it. Hour tops.
Velma, wait!
I don't know about this.
Don't worry.
You'll be fine.
Oh, yeah, you totally will.
If she's back in time.
You were haunting me?
As if a living white woman
don't already haunt me enough?
Yes, but only because I thought
I was a hallucination.
But once I realized
I was a ghost,
I decided to make Fred
the man he's meant to be.
Before I moved on.
Which is why you pushed me
to leave the gang in the woods
and to make friends
with smart, competent people,
like Norville in Sacramento.
Yes, but nothing's worked,
and now your father
is marrying that softie, Diya.
You're doomed, Fred.
And thus so am I.
Well, if you really want
to prepare me for the world,
I know one thing
that might work.
A hug.
Dad, what I'm about to say
is going to sound crazy.
But with Mom's engagement,
you need to propose to Sophie. ASAP.
I know! Obviously I can't let William
show me up like this.
But I did just propose
and she said no.
You like green apple?
You want this candy ring?
No. And why
wouldn't she accept?
Because of you, Velma.
Somehow I've come
to genuinely care about you.
- What?
- I'm as surprised as you are.
I always thought I'd be fine
being a hated, evil stepmother.
But now, before
I marry into this family,
I need to know
you care about me, too.
So what? You want like an e-card
from a free e-card service?
Done! Now,
let's talk bachelor party.
No. I had Aman draw up
an "emotional prenup" for you to sign.
What's taking so long?
So this is real, Sophie?
You always struck me
as a dodging prenup type.
Item one, no more
rude comments.
But that's our whole dynamic!
Can you both live with one
rude comment per day?
- Two, if she gets a bad haircut.
- Agreed.
Item two,
when Sophie's relatives call,
you'll say, "She's not
available" instead of, "Dead."
I don't have time for this!
Just "Yes" to everything.
- Really?
- Yes.
So you'll no longer toss empty
soda cans at Sophie's head?
- No!
- Or refer to her as my goomar?
- No.
- Or scream-sneeze?
Or use the words "basic"
"norm-core" or "busted".
- Only if I catch her cheating on you.
- I can live with that.
And finally, you will
no longer make jokes
about Sophie's
wacky clock collection.
- Yes!
- Then yes! Yes! I'll marry you.
But it has to be before
William and Diya get married.
- Don, she said "Yes"!
- That is amazing.
Congratulations on no longer
being shown up by a rich man.
Now let's talk bachelor party.
Velma, you're not throwing
my bachelor party.
Do you even have
a cocaine hookup?
The only way you're having
a bachelor party is if Velma plans it.
Oh, man!
Sorry that took so long.
But the bachelor party is a go.
And look, everything's fine.
Because Scrappy
is not the killer.
Then why is he looking at me
like I'm a chicken leg?
Because chicken bones
kill dogs, Daphne, he's scared!
Okay, well, if my life is done
being used as collateral,
I'm gonna hop. Good luck.
Daphne, don't be like that!
You were never in danger
because Scrappy is innocent.
Thank you, Velma. I'm gonna
call you worm medicine.
'Cause you really know
how to put my heart at ease.
A hug? Oh, Fred, that was funny.
Don't be funny.
It's desperate. And I've told
you hugs make children weak.
No, no, that's not true!
Dad and I hug all the time now,
and I've never felt
more confident!
Seriously, all I want
for Christmas is a mesh shirt.
Really? Well, even if I were
willing, there's one problem.
- But you were able to push me.
- And I guess that felt important.
Wait. What if you used my body?
Maybe if you possess me,
you can hug him.
And then spider-walk me across
the ceiling. I need a new profile pic.
That's worth a shot, I guess.
Nothing else I've tried has worked.
And I want to pass on already.
Silvio Berlusconi
owes me a drink.
Wait, wait, wait. I got to get
a vid, so I can recreate it
with pillows whenever I want.
What's happening?
What just happened?
Wait. Of course. If a ghost
is just a consciousness,
maybe a brain can't handle
two of them at once.
It overloads the system.
Same reason we'll never get
a Beyonce, Rihanna collab.
Yes, that's it!
If a brain can only have
one consciousness,
I know how I can finally
make you a man, Fred.
Wait! Mother,
what are you doing?
Did I need this!
I'm always with my security detail,
at the Project SCOOBI Labs.
Or worst of all,
talking to my family.
- Totally. But where are we?
- Where are we?
- The strip club!
- The strip club?
Velma, you're my daughter.
It's weird at best and lazy at worst.
- We've already done this.
- No, Dad. This time it's different.
Cocktails, lap dances, a sexy girl
pops out of a giant cake
Hold on! Cake?
Sophie already has me
on a wedding diet.
We're in!
Hey, forget the dancing!
Daddy wants cakey.
Ooh, mamma. I can see
the red velvet poking out
from behind the frosting.
Revenge time!
Shitty-Crappy?
Velma, what did you do?
Scrappy, stop! We're just
supposed to get a confession
and learn where Uncle Scoobi is.
Sorry, Velma.
Turns out, I am the killer.
But it's not my fault.
Project SCOOBI
made me who I am.
So I ask, who's
really the villain here?
Them? Or me?
You are.
You bit their dicks off.
Okay. But without them,
there's no me.
Yeah, no, I get it!
I'm just really bumping
on the dick biting.
Well, do you at least
feel bad for me?
Not at all. You're a monster.
Not a Frenchman stealing
bread to feed his family.
And I've known it all along.
So stop whining and let me
enjoy your downfall
with no moral ambiguity.
Girls, hit it!
What? No!
No, no, no, no, no!
Make it stop! Or kill me!
Oh, please kill me!
For the love of God, can somebody
please explain what's happening?
Am I getting cake or not?
Mother, what are you doing?
Instead of trying
to make myself disappear,
I'm going to get rid of you.
I'm taking over your body.
You can be a ghost!
And I'll be the man
you're meant to be!
And you're gonna like it!
No, I won't like it!
I'll hate it!
Because I hate you!
I've always hated you!
You don't get
to control me anymore.
I'm my own man in my own body!
So get out!
- Why are you smiling?
- Because you did it.
I finally feel ready to move on.
If you can stand up to me,
you can do anything, Freddie.
Today you are a man.
So long, my sweet prince.
Oh, God, what's happening?
It burns.
Make it stop,
this is all your fault, Fred!
Okay, well, I need to unpack.
So you planned all of this, Velma?
And yet you can't ever
remember Father's Day?
Yes. See, from the moment I saw
Scrappy, I knew he was evil.
I even told him,
his lair, his outbursts,
his mouth full
of Occam's razors,
and most damning of all,
Scrappy made me uncomfortable.
But to get away,
I needed him to trust me.
That's where I came in.
- Daphne, how?
- How? It was easy.
Velma fainted as a cover
to tell me what was going on.
Once Velma figured out
her bachelor party plan,
It became my job to doubt her.
So she could prove
to Scrappy she believed him.
So now all that's left
is for you to say,
"oh, snap" before the police
throw your ass in jail.
That's what you think, Velma.
See, I have friends on the inside.
So as much as you want to enjoy
my downfall, that won't happen.
Yeah, I'll go to jail now,
but soon you'll see
everything from your kidnapping
to making Don confess,
was just a big diversion
to get what I need to escape
with Uncle Scoobi for good,
never to be found again.
Oh, snap.
Or should I say,
Oh, Snappy Dappy Doo!
Hey, dudes, I'm here
for the bachelor party.
Cake! Nice.
I see you found
the place easily enough.
And who said the bodies
are too far gone?
You tell Scrappy
that with a little work,
I'll have no problem transferring
his brain into one of these girls.