Victoria (2016) s03e06 Episode Script

A Coburg Quartet

1 'This is "Masterpiece.
" 'Previously, on "Victoria" You didn't even come to my wedding! Did it ever occur to you I couldn't afford it? Listen close, Your Grace.
Can you hear those waves? I should like you to kiss me.
You force me to play my card.
You attempting to ravish the Duchess of Monmouth.
There will be retribution.
He has been having liaisons.
(So has she.
) What does he collect? Other women.
Thank God we have no more children for me to damage.
As ever, my timing is impeccable.
Shall we survive this? We shall try.
Gloriana Hallelujah Gloriana Hallelujah Gloriana, hallelujah Hallelujah.
What fun we had doing these.
Look at this one.
How young you look, Albert.
Well, that was before I was the father to seven children.
That's you when you were a baby, Vicky.
Who's that nursemaid holding me? That's me, silly! Oh, Vicky is right, you don't look like a queen at all.
Of course I don't.
Mama, look, Bertie is trying to put a marble up Affie's nose.
Affie, stay still.
Bertie? Do you wish to hurt your brother? It's an experiment, Papa.
Bertie, leave your brother alone at once! Sit over there, Bertie.
Sit! Vicky, I want you take your brothers and sisters back to the nursery, your mama's not feeling very well.
Is the new baby making her feel cross? I don't understand why she keeps getting them.
I'm sure she'll feel better soon.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with me.
The new coin would be worth a tenth of a pound.
It is a step towards introducing a modern decimal system.
Ah, well, we all have ten fingers after all.
Seems like the most logical system.
Yes, but there's something so irritating about the decimal point.
12 is a number that likes to be divided; ten isn't.
Yes, but the decimal system works perfectly well on the Continent.
Perhaps they're better at long division.
A new coin deserves a new image.
It is an opportunity to put something beautiful in the pocket of the people.
I would like to have a hand in its design, if I may? Certainly, sir.
And what do you think we should call the new coin? Totally unnecessary.
Ah, Uncle Leopold.
You've arrived just in time.
That is my specialty.
We need a name for the new decimal coin.
In Europe we would call it a florin.
Excellent suggestion, Your Majesty.
A name that works both at home and abroad.
Uncle Leopold, let me present my prime minister.
And this is my foreign secretary.
Oh, Lord Palmerston needs no introduction.
~ I'm delighted to have made such an impression, Your Majesty.
First you undermine my authority, then you are insolent to King Leopold.
No one is indispensable! No, indeed, Prime Minister.
One day you will go too far.
And then I will be the one with the idiotic grin on my face.
Your Serene Highness, what an unexpected pleasure.
Official business? There is to be a ball for the christening, in the fashions of the last century.
Will I valuable enough to receive an invitation, I wonder? That remains to be seen.
Invites are for valuable members of society.
All I ask is that you look at me, like you did in Ireland.
I may be wearing livery, but I am the same man.
Nothing has changed.
Exactly, I'm still married.
To a man who's not worthy of you.
Would you like me to arrange for an oil lamp by the piano, Your Grace, if there's not enough light? I'm worried that Joseph here might spill wax on you.
Of course you remember Bertie and Vicky.
Please accept this book of etchings, Uncle Leopold, to keep us near your heart always.
Oh How like your dear father you are, my dear.
Make a bow to Uncle Leopold.
Oh, it is a mouse.
And the Prince of Wales, however, takes after the other side of the family.
Yes, that is what I always say.
Bertie is a Hanoverian.
Don't you recognize Feodora? Uh Why, she practically lives next door to you.
Feodora, of course.
What an unexpected pleasure to see you here, Duchess.
I know how busy you are at the palace.
The queen has been out of sorts since the birth.
She likes to have me on hand, and I can hardly refuse.
How pleasant for you, my dear, to have such powerful friends.
Ah, of course, you're right at the center of things.
The prime minister and Lord Palmerston are always at the palace, are they not? Yes, they do come and go, rather.
Well, I, I have been giving some thought to your costume for the christening.
You have? I think you should go as my grandmother, the ninth duchess.
She was painted by Gainsborough.
I have a, a miniature here.
Oh, she's lovely.
Like so many things.
Until you restored the family fortunes My dear.
"President of the Society for the Improvement of the Laboring Classes.
" Hmm.
This country is lucky to have such an industrious prince.
Well, there is still so much to do.
Three years ago I thought that this country would go the same way as France, but well, it seems that the English, they may grumble, but they do not come to the boil.
It is the weather, I think.
It is hard to lead a revolution in the rain.
I am so proud of you, Albert.
Well, I had a good teacher.
Ah Bertie get back to bed at once.
I can't get to sleep without my mouse, and I can't find it anywhere.
Oh, there you are Bertie.
Oh, what a child.
I've been looking for him everywhere.
Come on.
I want my mouse! Then you must come with me.
I have it safe.
Feodora, you are like the pied piper.
You cannot imagine, Uncle, how fortunate we have been to have Feodora here as of late.
No, no matter what I do, Bertie will be my legacy.
I love him so very much, but can you imagine him as king? He is your son.
He will not disappoint.
"London News?" Sir.
"London News," mate? What are you all gossiping about? Gott in Himmel.
What is it? Our private pictures! The printer must have sold the etching plates.
They were private.
Was fur ein Schwein.
Oh, my poor sister, I hope I hope you will not upset yourself too much.
What's wrong with a mother giving her baby a bath? Even a woman with your political opinions, Miss Turner, must understand that what this country needs is a sovereign, not Mrs.
Bun the baker's wife.
I'm going to cancel the ball.
I won't have them laughing at me.
Victoria, I know this is a difficult time at the moment, but try, try to keep things in perspective.
It's easy for you to say, no one is laughing at you.
Well, on the contrary, laughing at me, it is a a national pastime.
I was I was so looking forward to starting my, my duties again, and now what are people going to see? They're going to see a woman.
Not a queen.
Yes, well As Feodora said, it, it will pass.
I must thank you for the invitation to the ball.
Hudson is most grateful, Your Serene Highness.
I am used to the rough and tumble, but she well, she feels the lack of society most keenly.
I'll take my leave.
I seem to have scared Mr.
Hudson off.
You do know the man's a swindler? He even sold some empty railway shares to his valet.
I'm surprised to see you riding with one another.
And I'm surprised you're not at the palace with the prime minister.
Well, I did offer, but the prime minister thought he could manage better alone.
And I'm sure he's right.
But it would be very inconvenient if they discovered a common enemy.
It's a mighty fine bay you have there.
Must have cost a pretty penny.
Royal stable? It belongs to me, actually.
A gift, perhaps, from one of your many admirers.
Is your wife coming to the ball, I wonder? She doesn't like the hurly-burly of politics.
A man like you needs an ally.
I'm not sure it is a criminal matter, ma'am.
The printer has sold impressions of your etchings, but that in itself is not illegal.
You asked him to make prints.
The only recourse is to sue for damages.
Damages? To your reputation, ma'am.
Lord John, my dignity does not have a price.
Quite so, which is why legal action would be inadvisable.
But There must be something we can do.
I understand your distress Distress? Lord John, it is more than distress, it is treason.
I'm not sure that a judge would agree with you.
They are, after all, family scenes.
What do you suggest? Regrettably, there is nothing you can do except perhaps to choose your printer with more care.
Are you suggesting this debacle is our fault? Oh, no, ma'am, it's just that This audience is at an end, Prime Minister.
Mousey, mousey.
Do you want to go in? Do you like your new house? Bertie? Why are you not in lessons? I was bored.
Yes, well, sometimes in life we have to do things we do not wish to do.
Then I hope Mama dies soon, so I can be king, and I can do anything I want.
That is a, a terrible thing to say, Bertie! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
(Come here.
) Off you go.
Bertie is so like Drina at that age.
Makes me wonder if his temper is congenital.
Of course, I know nothing about these things, but perhaps an expert might.
How can your people believe in this when they can see you here looking like this? Monarchy needs to be shrouded in mystery, not paraded as a public spectacle.
A man's imperfections are considered part of his character, whereas a woman's flaws are evidence of her unsuitability.
Your image here, would it not be more regal if you were wearing a crown? Yes.
But on coins, the monarch is always bareheaded.
But you are the exception, Victoria, in so many ways.
What are you wearing to the ball, Sophie? I am sworn to secrecy, ma'am.
You can't have any secrets from me.
I'm going as the ninth Duchess of Monmouth, after the Gainsborough portrait.
it was, um, my husband's idea.
The ninth duchess, wasn't there some story about her? I suppose it's nice that the duke takes such an interest.
I suppose so, ma'am.
Well, at least I look like a queen in this.
Oh, those terrible pictures.
You know, if you feel you can't face the world, Drina, I'm sure Albert and I could manage.
Oh, I'm sure you would like nothing more than to announce to the world I'm unable to fulfill my duties.
I'm only trying to support you, Drina.
Your Grace.
I overheard he wants you to go to the ball dressed as the ninth duchess.
You see, she was a Cavendish, so we knew all about her at Chatsworth.
Her marriage was miserable, and she took a lover.
When the duke found out, he divorced her and took her children away.
And she took her own life.
I thought you should know, Sophie.
I think your husband intends to humiliate you.
Oh, I didn't mean to disturb you, Your-Your Majesty.
When I first came to the throne they used to call me a little girl.
And now now they will call me a what will they call me? A nursemaid.
No queen has ever had a baby whilst on the throne.
(I've had seven.
) Seven.
No, they they are laughing at me.
I can hear them.
I don't know who "they" are, ma'am, but what I see, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, is a mother who loves her children.
And I am glad that woman is my queen.
The skull is the landscape of character.
Really is such a good suggestion of yours, Feodora.
Bertie, come on up here so that, uh, Mr.
Coombe may examine you.
Bertie, behave yourself.
Otherwise I will send your mouse to the taxidermist.
The what? The prince's anterior lobe, the seat of the intellect, is sadly underdeveloped, while the lobes of combativeness, destructiveness, and self-esteem, are most prominent.
Where do you think this weakness might come from? Your grandfather, ma'am.
Late King George, I believe had the same feebleness of mind.
Bertie may be willful and slow with his lessons, but he is not mad.
Do you think there is any hope of improvement? Oh, the cranium never lies, sir.
He cannot help his temper, it's all part of his character.
Hmm! Bertie, apologize to Mr.
Coombe for your carelessness.
Bertie, do as I say! I won't, and you can't make me.
You don't want that horrible Mr.
Cain to come back, do you? Sorry! Oh, Bertie come back.
Come back, Bertie.
So what are we supposed to do, hmm? Put him in a straitjacket? Victoria, why do you always have to exaggerate? Bertie was fine, until Feodora arrived.
That is beneath you.
Feodora has done nothing but good for this family.
Has she? Has she indeed? Perhaps you should ask her if she knows anything about the etchings.
What is that supposed to mean? Lord Alfred said she had a new horse.
I didn't buy it for her.
You think she would betray you for a horse? Victoria, please, exercise a little reason.
Feodora is your sister, she's not your enemy.
No, Albert, I don't need a lobe of logic to understand that Feodora can be a sister and an enemy.
Oh, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Duke.
I imagine you were looking forward to watching me arrive at the palace dressed as a woman whose life was destroyed by her husband.
Oh, I think you'll find she was the author of her own misfortunes.
Really? Well, I would rather go dressed as my grandmother, who was a servant, than a member of your family.
Why has everyone got white hair? Because it's what they wore in the Georgian times.
What's a Georgian time? It's when all the kings were called George.
So when I'm king, it will be a Bertian time.
Vicky, Bertie, come here.
Bertie, what have you got on your head? We're trying to make his head the right shape, so he can be a proper king, Mama.
Papa won't love me if I have a naughty bump.
The whole point of phrenology is that it is not his fault, it is just the way that he is made.
Bertie doesn't understand that, and, frankly, neither do I.
I think all of your precious phrenology is just mumbo-jumbo! Oh, these costumes are ridiculous.
Oh, of course.
Now that Mr.
Coombe has made the connection between your grandfather King George and Bertie, I suppose wearing costumes from his reign is rather unfortunate.
There is no connection.
Coombe is a charlatan.
That's a magnificent tiara you're wearing.
Thank you.
Those sapphires must have been very expensive.
I had no idea Langenburg was so wealthy, but perhaps you've come into money lately.
Guten abend.
Oh, Frederick the Great.
A warrior and a philosopher.
What could be more appropriate? What a happy Coburg trio, I I mean quartet, we make.
Her Majesty the Queen.
His Royal Highness Prince Albert.
His Majesty the King of the Belgians.
Her Serene Highness the Princess Feodora.
Joseph, what are you doing? Just delivering a message to the Stop mooning about like a lovesick plow boy and do your job.
At once, Mr.
Now, boy! Why don't you give him a taste of his own medicine? He would love a chance to dismiss me.
But when I go, it will be my doing.
I am not going to stay wearing this forever.
Do you like my costume, Joseph? Very much, Your Grace.
Oh, I am not a duchess tonight.
No? No.
Though, uh this bodice is rather constricting.
Perhaps I may be of assistance? Yes, Joseph, I believe you can.
Your beauty spot is rather beguiling.
I will be waiting for you, Lady L.
Arranging an assignation? Just pursuing my interests, Serene Highness.
You really should be more careful, you know how the prince feels about such pursuits.
Well, the prince is a prude.
And my activities have nothing to do with politics.
And besides, the queen and I rub along rather well.
Really? I imagine that endears you even further to the prince.
Well, well, Mr.
and Mrs.
Hudson do seems to be enjoying themselves.
Of course, they've been rather shunned since the scandal.
I do hope they were sufficiently grateful for their invitation.
Oh, I have no complaints.
I think you should ask me to dance, Lord Palmerston.
A pleasure, madam.
Where exactly do you require my assistance, Your Grace? Just here, Joseph.
Here or here? Oh, we, we shouldn't.
Do you want me to stop, Your Grace? No.
How are you enjoying the ball, Duke? As much as can be expected.
Have you seen my wife? Or Lord Palmerston? Not lately.
Perhaps they're having supper.
How well you look, Feodora.
I must confess I almost did not recognize you earlier.
That's hardly surprising, we haven't seen each other for 20 years.
Since you made me leave England to get married.
You had no dowry to speak of, but your mother and I, we did the best we could.
You did the best for Victoria, not for me.
Naturally, she was the heir to the throne.
And I was an inconvenience.
It was so long ago.
Not for me.
Where has that hobbledehoy Joseph disappeared to? You see that couple? It would be hard to miss them, ma'am.
Who are they? Why do they keep looking at me like that? George Hudson, ma'am.
The swindler? This is madness.
Not from where I stand.
I must go back.
The Duke.
Before you go.
Where the blazes have you been?! Answering a call of nature, sir.
Victoria, do you not think that Feodora has done such a marvelous job of organizing the ball? Oh, well, her ingenuity, especially when it comes to the invitations, is unparalleled.
What on earth do you mean? These, these, these are your guests.
Well, they have been invited in my name, certainly.
But without my knowledge or consent.
Who, for example, is that peculiar-looking gentleman over there? The one actually taking off his coat? Why is he here? I invited him.
His name is Elkington, and he is a celebrated inventor.
I would thank you for pointing him out, I must talk with him.
Well, he may be your friend, Albert, but what about that couple over there? The swindler and his overdressed wife.
Perhaps you will tell me why the Hudsons are here.
The Hudsons? You can't expect me to remember all the names on the list.
Then I will ask them myself.
No, I I believe that would be beneath your dignity, Drina.
The behavior of, of a washerwoman, not a queen.
So this is your reward.
Oh, well, at least you didn't sell them cheap.
Feo, you have made me look ridiculous.
Oh, I think that it is all your own doing, Drina.
You hate me.
You hate me, don't you? Nothing has been right, Feo.
Nothing has been right since you came here! I know you would like nothing better than to turn Albert against me.
I don't understand why.
I have always done my best for you.
Your best for me? Do you know the last time I remember being happy? It was when we lived at Kensington, and the old king asked me here to the palace.
I played Bach, and he told me I had the prettiest profile he had ever seen.
And he was going to ask Mama for my hand.
Oh, Feo.
You? Marry that fat old man! He could barely stand up.
But I would have been queen.
That was not Mama's plan.
Or Leopold's, no.
They wanted you to be queen, not me.
So they sent me away, marry the first man who would have me.
That wasn't my fault.
You don't know what it's like to live under a roof that leaks, or to lie next to a man who has drunk himself into a stupor.
You have everything, Drina, and you don't even know how lucky you are! A little piece of the palace in your very own home.
Look at that, do you like that one? How much? A shilling to you, sir.
Thank you very much indeed.
Hello, there, now then.
How many scenes of the royal household you can own? How much is that one? It's a shilling.
Thank you.
Oh, thank you very much.
Sehr gut.
I will attempt Touché.
Ha ha! No, Bertie! I've got the queen.
No, no, no, give that back to me, Bertie.
That was a very foolish thing to do.
But you're always playing with Vicky, and you never play with me.
That's because your head hasn't got a chess bump.
Ah, no, no, no.
Now, shall we play with your marbles, Bertie, hmm? I don't want to play with my marbles.
I want to play chess! [Bertie!] [Leave me alone!] You could play chess with him, Albert.
No, no, it is clear.
He shall never be able to learn the rules.
I am saving him from further disappointment.
So you are just going to give up on him? No, no, no, I am being pragmatic.
You heard what Mr.
Coombe had to say.
Do you think Mr.
Coombe knows your son better than you do? "Dei Gratia," "By the grace of God.
" It's on every coin.
Every coin, Prime Minister, except this one.
I hear they're calling it the godless florin.
First the etchings, and now this.
Rest assured, ma'am, we will make sure that this error is corrected.
Corrected? It's too late.
The damage has been done.
May I speak frankly, ma'am? You don't usually ask my permission before telling me something I don't want to hear.
I think these pictures have done you the power of good.
Oh, what on earth do you mean? This cost me a shilling.
Do you think the people are buying these in order to laugh at them? Every time you have a child, the nation rejoices, ma'am, but they also wonder how much your burgeoning family is going to cost them.
You did say I could speak frankly.
These etchings, these trivial domestic scenes, they remind your subjects that you are not some remote, Olympian being, but rather a woman who bathes her children and loves her dogs.
And that's desirable? Do you want me to tell you the secret to my popularity, ma'am? I am a viscount, but when the people see me at the races, or at a prize fight, they just see a fellow who likes a flutter just as they do.
And you don't think that familiarity breeds contempt? Is this familiar to your subjects, ma'am? But a baby and a dog, that they understand.
You may be right.
But the coin, the coin is unforgivable.
Who is responsible? I'm asking you, Prime Minister, who is responsible? If you remember, ma'am, the prince took responsibility for the design of the florin.
It would be most unfortunate were his involvement to become known, especially now he is suing the printer of the etchings.
Perhaps we should leave Her Majesty to prepare for the christening.
Will that be all, ma'am? When were you going to tell me you were suing for damages? I understood that you were not able to take action, so I spoke with the lawyers, who made it clear there was nothing preventing me from doing so.
Yes, but you didn't think to ask me first? I assumed we wanted the same thing, Victoria.
Actually, I have changed my mind.
Lord Pam says the pictures are very popular.
When did you start wanting the monarchy to be nothing more than entertainment? The issue is not whether you are liked, Victoria, it is whether you are respected.
Look at that.
Where is the inscription that says I am queen through the grace of God? We could not fit it on, because of the crown.
You wanted the crown.
Because I wanted to look like a queen, but how can I do that when my own husband doesn't think the fact that I have been anointed by God Do you not see that you are contradicting yourself? The etchings, they lower you down to the level of your people, but you are furious because a Latin tag, that most of your people cannot even understand, has been omitted from a coin.
You have no logic! Oh, um Your Majesty, Your Royal Highness, the archbishop is on his way to the throne room.
For the christening.
How splendid you look, my dear.
You're coming to the christening? Of course.
I know that I will find it fascinating.
Arthur William Patrick Albert.
I baptize thee in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.
We receive this child into the congregation of Christ's flock.
The Lord bless you and keep you the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you.
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.
Bertie! [Vicky, look!] Children.
Did you really send her away so she wouldn't marry Uncle George? My late father-in-law liked nothing better than to torment his brothers with the notion that he could still produce an heir.
I'm afraid Feodora was just a pawn in that game.
You know, she blames me.
She wants to have her revenge.
Revenge? Oh, you exaggerate, Victoria.
What could a penniless German princess possibly do to hurt the Queen of England? It's true.
I never thought of that.
You know my sister was selling invitations to the ball? Well, I asked her to invite a variety of guests.
If they sent her gifts, that can only be expected.
People send you things all of the time.
Why do you begrudge her the crumbs from your table? I think it's time you went home.
Well, I think your husband would be sorry to see me go.
He so enjoys having someone rational to talk to.
She hates me, Albert.
Is it because she treats you as a sister and not as a goddess? Oh I Victoria, I think your intellect is overtaxed.
You're saying I'm mad? Is that it, Albert? Is that what you're saying? No, no, no.
I'm saying that, like Bertie, I think your character's been overdeveloped in the area of self-esteem.
That's enough.
No, I have expected you to be something that clearly you cannot be, Victoria, a rational woman.
But now I, I realize my mistake.
How can you be so cold? It is the only way that I can deal with your temper.
I have no desire to descend to your level.
My level?! When did you stop loving me, Albert? I do love you, of course I do, just as I love the children.
My duty to protect and care for you all.
That's not what I meant.
I know.
But it is all I have left.
My mouse has run away, and he's never coming back.
Oh, darling, come here.
Come here.
We will get you another mouse.
But it won't be the same.
No, it won't be the same.
Papa doesn't love me anymore, because I'm stupid.
(You can't stop loving someone, Bertie.
) It is not possible.
'Next time, on "Victoria.
" 'Tis been an honor to serve you, ma'am, but my time has come.
Wellington wants you to succeed him as commander-in-chief.
My wife is having relations with one of your footmen.
Wish you'd put my childhood behind me.
Perhaps we both can.
Albert! Wait! '"Victoria," next time on "Masterpiece.
" Hallelujah 'Go to our website.
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