Wayne (2019) s01e02 Episode Script


We gotta sleep too! Huh? My ass hurts! Huh? [ENGINE RUMBLING.]
My ass hurts.
We're sleeping at some point, right? We should probably sleep soon! Dead fucking leg.
It's, uh for your butt.
What's all this shit? Breakfast.
I made, um, breakfast.
'Cause I ain't eating that goddamned jerky again.
- Thanks.
- Welcome.
This chicken? No, rabbit.
- What the fuck'd you say? - Well, rabbit.
What the fuck, Wayne? [THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]
Hey, Sarge, we got a pro - But, wait now, I wasn't - No, it's the most natural thing there is, Sarge.
Don't say nothing.
I understand.
- Listen to me, Jay - I go to the Evidence Room when I wanna handle mine, so - Stop, Jay.
- I just stretched outta my gourd Jay! I was checking myself for cancer.
You got cancer, Sarge? No, I didn't say that, Jay.
My Aunt Linda just had cancer.
I can't go through this twice.
- Listen to me, Jay.
This world is a nightmare.
- It's a goddamn nightmare.
- Jay.
Jay! Will you please just explain to me why you burst in here like that? [SIGHS.]
Well, Bobby Luccetti's out front.
You know that guy, he's a prick eight fucking ways.
Long story short, he says some kid came to his house and assaulted him and his boys in their own home, and maybe kidnapped his daughter.
Now, for all we know, she could've ran off with the kid.
But, either way, she's 15, so, we have a situation.
Now, you know I wasn't masturbating, right? - [POP MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO.]
So, uh, here we are.
- WAITRESS: You guys know what you wanna drink? - BOTH: Yes.
Uh, coffee.
Coffee? How old are you? I don't know, how old are you? Well, you're a little young to be drinking coffee, is all.
And you're a little old to be wearing that choker, is all.
But the heart wants what the heart wants, right, Tracey? Coffee.
You? Uh Coffee.
Thank you, Tracey.
I'm gonna get waffles.
- Is it good? - Waffles? Yeah.
Are they good? - You ain't never had a goddamn waffle? - I don't think, no.
Jesus fuck.
You're like "Encino Man.
" - What's that? - It's a movie.
You've seen a movie before, right? - Yeah, I've seen a movie.
- All right.
Well, this one is where the Hobbit guy from "Lord of the Rings" finds a caveman frozen in ice and then he unfreezes him back alive, but he's a caveman, so he doesn't know what anything in the modern world is, so the Hobbit guy teaches him how to, like, skateboard and shit.
What's "Lord of the Rings"? Shit's sake.
All right, walk me through the incident, please.
Kid, I don't know, 16, 17 years old, - breaks into my fucking house.
- Uh-huh.
BOBBY: And he assaults my boys over there, busts up a perfectly good Zenith, and he bites off my fucking nose.
- Jesus.
- Yeah.
- BOBBY: And now, this little cocksucker is out God knows where with my daughter doing God knows fucking what.
Well, this is not good.
- BOBBY: No shit, Sherlock.
Look, are you gonna put somebody on this or what? Because I was watching "Dateline" and they said that the first 48 hours are the most critical or some shit like that.
BOBBY: Bingo what? What bingo? You got something? Life throws unexpected things our way.
But if we stay on course and be brave How in the world You have my word, Mr.
I'll find your dog.
- Dog? - That's our sister.
This is my fucking daughter we're talking about.
Everything will be okay.
Oh, heinous motherfucker! [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING ON RADIO.]
So he died, like, yesterday? Yeah.
Well, are you gonna, like, go back for the funeral or whatever? Uh No.
- I don't think so.
- Don't you wanna, like, I don't know, dress him up in a suit? Have some priest say some shit about God and stuff? I poured gasoline on the house and him and lit it on fire.
No priest then.
So, uh - This car - My dad's car? No, the one outside with tits on it.
The one you dragged me outta my house in the middle of the night to go get.
It's in Florida? - Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
- You're pretty sure? But you know where we're going, right? Like, you have an address? Well, the city.
Or town.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Come on, you piece of shit.
Wayne! Psst! Wayne! Come here.
- What's the matter? - I need you to buy me some tampons.
I, uh You don't know what a tampon is, right, Encino Man? Yeah, yes, I know what one is.
Okay, great.
I normally would've packed some, but I guess I forgot.
So, I'm gonna please need you to go across the store and buy me some.
And some pants.
Yeah, I'll These are my only pants and they currently look like a fucking "Saw" movie.
Oh, for shit's sake, Wayne, just go.
- [SIGHS.]
Oh, fuck.
Welcome to Health Rite Just looking.
That lube is my favorite.
For your ma or your sister? Uh, a girl.
Girl friend.
- She's a girl.
- I hope so, or else, those won't work.
It's okay.
So, how bad is it? - Huh? - Her period? I need to know if you wanna bring back the right ones.
Uh, she said it was like a "Saw" movie.
Super plus it is.
You don't answer my texts now? I can't text you at work.
You know that.
MAN: Don't lie to me.
What are you looking at? Go jerk off to someone else's girlfriend.
Go ahead, kid.
It's all right.
MAN: Listen to me, you fucking bitch.
Listen to me, you fucking Look at me! I texted [CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY.]
I'll also take that bike lock, and that aluminum bat.
I'll fucking kill you! You motherfucker! No, not my bike! My baby! Please! I'd like to return this bat.
It's me.
I have the things.
TRACEY: I don't think she's comin' back, kid.
- More coffee? [GASPS.]
- No.
Fuck! Shit! Holy shit! Kid! - Fuck! Didn't that hurt? - Yes.
You don't like coffee all of a sudden or somethin'? I haven't tasted anything worse than coffee.
But you drank three cups earlier.
Oh, shit.
You got it bad for that bitch.
As much as I don't like that cooz Okay.
Does she have a place she runs off to when you guys fight like this? She into flowers or jewelry? I'm not from around here.
I met her yesterday.
Oh, shit, man.
Okay, so, a girl that age, alone, probably heads home, if she got money on her.
There's a bus station just Oh, she's right there.
That bitch steal one of my smocks? Del.
- Hey.
- No.
- What? - You left me.
- No, I didn't.
- It's been an hour, you left me.
Well, I went to the store to get your things, and there was a guy being mean to a lady, so - At this store? - No, a different store.
Well, I told you to go to this store.
- I did, then I went to another store.
- Why? - I couldn't buy 'em at the first ones.
- Ones? How many did you go to? - Three.
- Three? Why? 'Cause it's weird, okay? - For me.
- Weird? It's weird for you? And you can lay my brothers out, you can You can bite my dad's goddamn nose off, do whatever you did to that guy who was being mean to some lady.
And how's he doing, by the way? - Not good.
- Yeah, not good.
Of course he isn't.
You could do all that, but you can't buy me some fucking tampons? I cannot believe I came here with you.
- And you don't even know where the hell we're going! - Del, Del, we'll find it.
All right? I promise.
Who even are you anyway? You burn your own house down.
And that jacket.
What kind of weirdo wears that jacket? I mean, what the fuck even is it? A shark in some sort of Japanese sunrise? Shit! You shouldn't be doing that.
- Stealing.
- No! You don't tell me who to be.
I am fine Will you move? I can't yell at you with those fucking tits over your head.
You know what, fuck this.
Don't follow me.
- KID 1: Look for some cash.
- KID 2: I'm looking, I'm looking.
Hot stuff.
This looks cool, yeah.
Run! - Don't kill us, I have money.
- WAYNE: I'm not gonna kill ya.
Sweet jacket, man.
Take it.
I saw that bikini in your tent.
Is that where you take the girls and, you know - Kill them? - It's my girlfriend's.
I had a girlfriend once.
Had tits when she was ten.
- Dude, are you talking about my girl? - She was my girl first.
Yeah, and she dumped you.
So, what happened to your girl? You guys should leave now.
You begged her to stay, right? Because girls, they want you to fight for them.
You know? She told me not to follow her, so I didn't.
You have to follow 'em.
How far is the bus station? You're out of gas.
We tried to steal your bike earlier.
But the station will take you, like, 30 minutes.
Or you cut through the golf course, there's a hole in the fence, you'll be there in ten, tops.
No, do not listen to him.
Jamie, shut it, man.
- Why? - Because Lee Fucking Murray.
Who's Lee Fucking Murray? Lee Fucking Murray is the guy who protects the golf course.
- From what? - Kids who take shortcuts.
It cuts 30 minutes off your walk to school.
I heard he killed a kid once.
But he totes worships Satan.
I'm saying don't, because he has a gun, okay? - Big mistake.
- But you said I should fight for her.
Holy shit, he's going.
COREY: I'm telling you, don't do it.
Seriously, big mistake.
Hey, hombre.
You on my grass.
- Now it's your ass.
Put it down.
I'm about to light you up, boy.
You got him fucking killed.
- JAMIE: Go, go, go! - Run! Holy fuck.
Fuck you.
WOMAN: Next.
Oh, fuck.
- I'm going on break.
- The fuck you is.
Rick's still doin' his meditating.
147 to Atlantic City will be departing from lane four.
How can I help you? One ticket to Los Angeles.
Why you going to California? Why you got so many jobs? Crack habit? That's it.
It's on.
Tracey! I hope you got Obamacare, bitch.
Hope you got Medicare, you old fuck! What the fuck am I doing? You're like 90 pounds soak [GRUNTS.]
LEE: Hey.
You know it's illegal, right? What you did, trespassing? You came at me, so this is on you, bitch! Okay.
So you gonna shoot me again? This is rock salt.
These aren't real bullets.
So don't go around telling people! And those are? [EXHALES.]
You really fucked shit up for me, my dude.
'Cause, you know, these loads, they don't usually do what that one did to your face.
Knocking you out? I mean, you must have caught a big piece or something because the worst I ever did is put a few ugly holes in an ass.
- What the fuck! - [CHAIR CLATTERS.]
- I'm fairly upset.
- Me, too.
So here's what's up.
If you say anything to anybody, and something happens to me because of this, law-wise or whatnot I mean, I got boys.
And those motherfuckers will come to your house, your family, and then It's outta my hands.
Why is he still here? I thought I told you to take care of it.
LEE: That's Kyra.
My old lady.
Both because she's my girlfriend, and the fact that she's, like, 30.
Shut the fuck up.
I got you some veggie curry from that place you like.
She's a vegan.
And a Satanist.
So? What happened to our plan? I think he got the message.
I mean, you got the message, right, kid? We talked about this.
We can't let him go.
Baby, he's gonna be cool.
You just got that fucking bracelet off your ankle, Lee.
What, you wanna go back inside? Lose your goddamn job? - He's not going to say anything.
- "Say anything.
" Look at him.
Look at him.
He's a goddamn kid.
You think his parents are just gonna be like, "Oh, yeah, no questions asked, just finish your fucking cereal.
" And then if he goes to the hospital and the doctor asks him what happened? - [SCOFFS.]
He's like 15.
- Sixteen.
- And he's gonna start bawling - Kyra! No! No! You promised me.
You swore to me in front of your fucking mother that we were gonna go out West, we were gonna turn this shit around.
We were gonna play "The Price is Right," win a whole bunch of money, and start over.
We should give him another chance.
You wanna give him a fucking chance? All right.
We're gonna play a fucking game.
Your hair.
or securely tied cardboard boxes.
Please check your tickets to make sure you know your size and weight guidelines.
Where's your parents? I don't know.
Where's your parents? I don't have any.
Foster kid.
You ever had to do that? It always felt like a job interview but, for, like, love or somethin'.
And I tried, you know? Get good grades.
Look real pretty.
Be good.
Eight different families deep, I decide, fuck this.
I'm gonna be the one to leave before they say, "Go.
Now boarding Compton Express with service to Albany, Syracuse He hates coffee.
- What? - Your boyfriend.
I tried to pour him another cup and he acted like I pissed in it.
He choked down three cups for you.
Stay out of my business.
I'm forty one.
I have a new job every two weeks and a new boyfriend every other.
Just don't blow everything up before it has a chance to maybe be good.
- Oh, I'm getting ice cream.
- BOBBY: You ain't getting shit.
- CARL: But, Dad, it's my own money.
You order any ice cream, I'm gonna bury you in this fucking parking lot.
That money is for scratchers.
- You find my fucking daughter or what? - Where's our sister, cop? - You know what, Dad, I'm getting ice cream, okay - Shut the fuck up! Go be somewhere else! Now! Hey, so? Please have a seat.
- What's this? - GELLER: I have some friends who can get information for me very quickly, and lets just say, I have some good news.
Oh, yeah? It's about fucking time.
What the fuck is this shit? I don't have cancer.
- What did you just say? - Fuck him up, Daddy.
Sit down.
What I'm trying to tell you is that, now that I beat this thing, I am ready and committed to finding your daughter.
And to finding this [WHISPERING.]
This son of a bitch.
This bastard boy.
God damn it, this is my fucking daughter we're talking about, right? And I apologize for any lack of focus, but now, this is my life.
This is my mission.
Getting your daughter back.
Fucking A, okay? This is fucking awesome news.
Awesome fucking news.
GELLER: Now, I'm gonna need some information.
What do we know about this kid? Family? Friends? What's his problemo? Well, before this little cocksucker stole my daughter, he burned down his house and he burned it down with his dad still in it.
But truth be told, the firefighter told me that, uh, the dad was already dead before the house burned down.
I don't know, cancer or some shit like that, I'm not really fucking sure.
- Did you say "cancer"? - Yeah.
You know what? I gotta have a smoke.
Can I fucking smoke here? Shit.
Hey, everyone, my daughter got kidnapped, so I'm gonna smoke.
You can all fucking blow me.
- [GASPS.]
- Cancer, you sure of that? Yeah.
What's your fucking deal, hmm? Now, this boy He's obviously lashing out.
He's in pain.
You are fucking with me, aren't you? Maybe we should be helping him.
That's it.
- What did you fucking say? - [TASER CRACKLING.]
JAY: This fucking guy.
TEDDY: Daddy, are you okay? Cannot believe you do this after all you've been through with your cancer and everything? Jay, there's something I forgot to tell you.
Where did you get that jacket? - Uh Uh - Are you Wayne's girl? Yeah, who the fuck are you? - Um, I'm so sorry.
I didn't - He loved you so much.
JAMIE: I didn't mean to.
It's just COREY: We just Don't try nothing funny.
So, if he wins We let him go.
If I win we don't.
What are we playing, guys? Simple.
You do what I do, but better and faster, you go home.
You ready? My curry's getting cold.
I guess.
Put on some fucking music.
One, two, three, go.
Your turn.
What the hell is this shit? - Hey.
- Hey.
Oh, great, now we're gonna have to kill her, too? She your friend? Little girl come to big boy play, huh? Come on.
You don't even know how to start that thing.
I can see my goddamn breath in here.
Can we put on a fire? Why don't you learn how to cut wood and stop fucking nagging me? [MOTOR RUMBLING.]
Now, I'm gonna cut your dick off.
- I didn't get my turn.
- What? [SCREAMS.]
Jesus Christ! [MOTOR REVVING.]
You fucking cocksucker! [GRUNTING.]
Fucking bitch, get the fuck over there.
I have to, though, don't I? No, you don't.
TRACEY: Northside, bitch! [GRUNTING.]
So, what do you guys wanna do now? Wanna get high or something? [ROCK MUSIC PLAYS.]
This is how it's gonna go.
We're gonna be friends first.
I'm not, like, breakin' up or We're just gonna take things slower.
And then, we'll see.
I'm weird, fucked up, so I stabbed a knife through my own hand.
I don't wanna be a 41-year-old single crack-head waitress with regrets.
Me neither.
DEL: How much farther we got? Florida? I got a postcard with the town we're going to.
We'll buy a map.
Tell me you didn't fucking lose it.
What? You're not pressing charges, tough guy, huh? You're going through a lot right now, Mr.
It's understandable you would be emotional.
Your daughter out there with that boy whose dad had cancer.
I recently got a second chance myself, so I'm feeling generous.
That's fantastic.
What are you gonna do about my fucking daughter, hmm? Yeah, what the fuck are you gonna do about my sister? I'm gonna find her is what the heck I'm gonna do.
Yeah, well Thanks for nothing.
HERNANDEZ: Geller? I got something to help you guys out.
The sketch of the boy's penis? I'm not sure how that helps us find him.
I don't think the kid meant for this to be in here, but I'm pretty damn sure that's the kid's mom.
It's been a long time she's lived in my building, but I'm almost positive that's her.
And look where it's stamped from.
"Ocala, Florida.
" Huh.
It's somethin'.
Dad, can we stop for pizza or something? I haven't eaten in, like, all day.
TEDDY: You fuckin' liar, we had chicken parms.
Shut your fucking mouths and get in the truck.
We're going to Florida.
That's what I'm talking about.
- Thanks.
- Hmm.
JAY: I pulled his file.
This kid has got a really bad history.
So what you thinking, Sarge? Second chances.
DEL: Next on "Wayne.
" Holy shit.
We made the news.
Here's what we do.
We come up with a cover story.
I'm Angelica.
This is Uh John? Wayne's my boy.
Whatever you think he did, he's innocent.
You do know that he burned down his house, assaulted a man, and kidnapped his daughter? Do you know how many times I tried to help that kid? - So, we're doing this or what? - Wayne.
Yeah, listen to your sister.
Don't get yourself killed.
- This is your idea of lying low? Stop! Stop! Hey.
I got you.
Come here.
I think I shit my pants.

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