Welcome to Sweden (2014) s02e05 Episode Script

American Club-Jag Älskar Dig

1 Hey, wow! Look at you, Mr.
fancy pants! It's almost like you're a new person.
No Bruce, it's me.
I'm gustaf.
Yeah, I can see that.
Wow, look at you! You look like a new person.
God, what's wrong with you? It's me, I'm gustaf! Can't you see that? I can see that.
I'm going to the American club.
I just want to make a good first impression.
And why are you going to the American club? You know you're not American, right? The American club is not just for Americans.
It's also for swedes who have some connection to America.
And your connection is? Bruce! Oh! Plus, I don't think he had anyone else to go with.
What? I have plenty of friends.
That's not what Emma said.
What? What? You said I don't have any friends? No! Yeah, you did.
I'm pretty sure your exact words were, "Bruce has no friends".
I didn't say you don't have any friends.
I said you don't have many friends.
In Sweden.
Currently.
Now.
We're not living in America but we're not sorry I knew there was something that we never had we don't worry, no we're not living in America But we're not sorry, no we don't care about the world today We're not sorry for you for my baby, baby, baby, baby Ahh it's not my fault, you know? I mean, swedes are just really hard to get to know.
Back home, I was super popular.
I've heard.
I mean, people would call me all the time, sometimes for no reason.
You know, we don't do that here, we don't call people for no reason.
Yeah, maybe I'm going about it the wrong way.
No, this is not you.
This is this is a culture thing.
I mean, swedes are Boring.
No.
Horrible.
No! I was going to say, it takes time.
Oh.
So, go away to your American friends and you can make fun of us horrible, boring swedes.
I will.
Thank you.
I love you.
Have fun.
Okay.
Bye.
Wait I'm sorry but I'm just checking.
You're not mad at me for some reason, are you? Mad? No! Should I be? I don't no, I was just checking.
Okay.
Okay.
I love you! Bye! Why aren't you saying "I love you" back? I didn't? No.
Twice.
It's just because It's Do we have to say it all the time? Not if you don't want to.
I do want to, but maybe we should just save the words for special occasions, when they really mean something? They do really mean something! "I love you" means "I love you"! I know that, and I feel the same way.
But, do we have to say it all the time? It feels like the words become meaningless.
Bruce! Got to go! I wouldn't okay, um.
Whatever, super weird.
Goodbye, Emma.
Goodbye, Bruce.
Whoa, whoa.
Hold up, man, you've still got the price tag on you.
God, no, no, Bruce! What are you doing? Do you have any idea how hard it is to return clothes without the tags on? You're going to wear the clothes then return them? I finally figured it out.
How to live totally for free.
Oh, boy.
I buy clothes, wear them, return them, and boom, get money for new clothes.
It's the best idea I've ever had, Bruce.
Yeah, it's a good one.
All right! This is more like it.
Hey, guys! Welcome to the American club of Stockholm.
Can I take your jackets? Thanks, yeah! Yeah.
I like this place already.
Check it out.
Isn't that bengt? - Hey, bengt! - Bengt! No, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm sorry, you must have mixed me up with someone else.
Bengt, it's us! Gustaf and Bruce! Uh follow me, strange people who I have never seen before.
Let's talk.
Whoa, that was close.
But I think I got away with it.
What are you guys doing here? What am I doing here? I'm an American.
What are you doing here? There are some things you need to know.
My name here is Samuel Jackson.
And I work for NASA.
Questions? So many.
In his anger and his shame I am leaving, I am leaving but the fighter still remains He still remains lie-la-lie lie, la-lie-lie lie, la-lie lie, la-lie Thank you.
La, la-la-la, lie, la-lie la-la-la, lie la, la-la-la, lie, la-lie lie, la-lie la, la-la-la, lie, la-lie la-la-la, lie that was really good, man! Oh, thank you.
Yeah, there was a couple of times there when you sounded exactly like the real guy.
You almost had me fooled! Heh yeah.
A lot of people say that.
Yeah.
Do you make a living off of this? Is this your job? I I can make a living from it, yeah.
You're kidding! Yeah, I play Sometimes I play at little bit bigger places.
Bigger than this? Yeah, I'm in between shows so I just thought I'd While I'm in town, I'd do a little Little gig, work on some songs, things like that.
Right.
What do you do? I am "the guy" It's hard to explain but celebrities pay me to show them around and take them places and set them up with, like, hotels and restaurants and things like that.
Oh, I knew a guy like that in Rome.
He was "the guy" in Rome.
Exactly! Yes! That's the same concept, I'm the same I'm "the Stockholm guy".
Ahh, I see.
That version.
Yeah.
Well, let's say I wanted to see the most important sights in Stockholm.
Where would you take me? Oh, I'm sorry, I wouldn't.
I generally only take celebrities around, or people with a lot of money Oh, well you know, tonight was a pretty good night No, that's so sweet but no, I wouldn't dream of taking your money.
Use that for the bus or whatever.
Well.
I'm going to take a cab, but Cabs are expensive.
Watch out.
So, um, is there another guy? Oh, there's a lot of other Other lonely guys here if you're looking for Yeah, but I got to I got to get going.
Okay.
Well, guy Good luck.
Thank you so much.
And keep doing it.
Don't ever give up your dream, man, because you've got something, okay? Doesn't matter how It's never too late.
So keep it up! Oh, yeah thank you.
Thanks.
Hey, man.
Hey.
Are you new here? Yeah, actually.
I'm Chuck, by the way.
Oh, hey.
Bruce.
Wait, whoa.
Um, what was that? It's just a handshake.
So you met a black guy and you were thinking, "oh, let's do the three-part handshake"? No.
No? No, no, god, no.
You sure? Not like you want to jump in the car and have a drive-by and maybe start a crack house? What? No? No.
That's a I would never Okay.
That's not my Yeah.
I'm so sorry, I didn't Yeah, I'll I'm just messing with you, man.
I'm just messing with you.
So what brings you to this cold part of the world, bro? Ah, it's a long story, actually Wait.
Let me guess.
Met a girl, fell in love, and now you're driving through the slush in a Volvo? No.
No? You missed it.
I don't have a Volvo.
You're funny, man.
Yeah, you too.
To new friends.
My brother.
No.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah.
Yeah, my girlfriend and I are actually going to get married soon.
No! Really? Yeah.
I asked my girlfriend, she was like, "uh, why?" I know.
Sometimes it just takes time for them to get used to the idea.
Hmm.
I'm sorry, this has been bugging me, you know.
Have you ever seen the movie "48 hours"? Oh, dude, really? Stop.
Please.
Really, seriously? What? You're going to do the whole, like, "oh, you look like Eddie Murphy.
Can you do the laugh?" No.
No? I was going to say Nick nolte.
Because? Because, um You and Nick nolte have the same Energy.
Oh my god.
Again! Seriously though, I really have to go.
I have to go work tomorrow.
Well you know, it's been great to hang out, man, it's great to finally find someone that I can talk to.
You know what? It's a bit old school, but here's my business card.
Oh, cool.
Boom.
You call me any time.
Okay.
You call me Bruce.
All right, man.
Take care.
All right, I'll see you.
Hey, I love y'all! Love you, Chuck! Hey.
Hey.
Oh.
Oh.
God, uh-oh.
You've got a stain, gustaf.
How are you going to return those clothes now? No problemo.
I just need to borrow 5,000 crowns.
5,000 crowns.
For what? You can't return a shirt unless they think you have money.
And they don't think you have money if you don't wear a nice suit.
Simple plan, Bruce.
That is simple.
Yeah.
You know, I would give you the money just to see you in a nice suit.
Yeah.
But I don't have it right now.
You know, this "The guy" thing isn't really working out for me.
You should talk to Paul Simon about that.
Yeah.
If I ever magically run in to Paul Simon, I'll ask him.
Last night was great.
Hm? Yeah, me and this Chuck guy, we had so much in common.
Good for you.
Oh, he's a personal trainer.
That's great, huh? What's that supposed to mean? Nothing.
What? I'm in shape.
You're in a shape.
A circle is a shape.
I've got to go.
Bye.
Yep.
See you later.
Wait.
The reason for your not saying "I love you" now is the conversation we had yesterday, right? I mean, it's not the shape joke? Hm, no.
God, no.
Shape joke was great.
Thank you.
Also, I realized last night that I think Americans say "I love you" a little too much.
So I'm going to try to cut back.
Mmm.
You're sweet.
Got to go.
Okay, bye.
Goodbye, Emma.
I'll clean up here I guess I love you.
Okay.
Chuck! He-e-ey! Hey man, great to see you again.
Bruce, what's up man? What's up, baby? Mm-mmm! Whoa Hey, are you good? I'm good, yeah.
I'm psyched about this.
Are we going to grab some lunch? We totally are.
But you know what? I just had this great idea.
You know an awesome way to get to know each other? Push up for your life! Rah! Rah! Come on, one more.
Arrrgh! Yeah.
Mmm! Yes.
Yes! Killed it, well done! There he is.
Let me grab those for you, man.
Thanks.
You know, that was actually a good way to hang out.
Yeah, it was amazing.
So, should we go grab some lunch now? Oh, dude I would love to but I have to stay, finish my work.
Yeah, but maybe next time, though, okay? Yeah, grab a beer or something.
So, cash or credit, what do you want to do? What? Between you and me it would be for free but, um, I have my boss.
He's on my case so I have to charge you for the hour.
Okay, I thought uh Sorry.
All right, how much is it? Seriously? No.
You get a friend discount.
350.
Okay? Yeah.
You got this.
Hello.
Hello.
My name is Mr.
poshingtonrich.
I'm from england.
I would like to return this sweater.
There is a stain.
Oh, dear! Not jolly good at all! How can you sell stained clothes? Young lady, you may not have heard of Mr.
poshingtonrich, but I can buy everything here and turn it into a parking garage.
Would you like to work in a parking garage? Thank you.
I can't believe gustaf and I share the same gene pool.
You really hit the jackpot with Chuck, huh? I know.
A new friend and also free exercise.
Yeah.
I mean, it wasn't totally free, but You had to pay for it? Yeah.
But I mean, you can't put a price on friendship, so Seems to me like Chuck just did.
Are you sure he's a friend? I mean, he could be a really nice personal trainer.
No.
God, he's a friend.
Sorry.
Yeah, I mean, what do you think, you can just walk up to someone too and be like, "hey, excuse me, are you my friend?" Like people don't work like that, okay? Plus I have a little bit of dignity left.
I don't know, babe.
Okay, good night.
Good night, Emma.
Okay, you know what? This has been going on long enough.
What? The world needs more love, not less.
Okay, just a quickie, I'm really tired.
What? No! God, no.
No? I mean, yes, eventually, but right now I'm talking about the "I love you" thing.
Oh, okay.
Yes.
What do you think people regret most on their death beds? Saying "I love you" too much or not saying it enough? Um It's not a trick question, it's the second one.
Okay.
Mm-hm.
I mean, when's the last time you told your parents you love them? Never.
Never? No I said never, so, not once.
Oh my god, that's crazy! You should! People should say it more often.
And I'm going to say it.
I love you, you're going to have to deal with it.
All right? And you know what else I'm going to do? Don't call my parents.
Don't call your You think I would honestly call your parents? That is like the last thing I would do.
No, I'm going to call Chuck.
Because I'm going to invite him over for dinner, and then I can prove to you that he's a real friend.
You'll see.
We saw each other today so it might seem a little weird to call right now.
Uh I should give maybe a day or two.
I'm going to call him tomorrow, that's better.
Okay I love you.
Hey, aren't you the king of Luxembourg? That's what I'm talking about.
Swedes know exactly how to work out.
Beautiful.
Hey! My buddy, my pal, Bruce! What's up, man? So, I've been thinking.
How about we take what we've got here to the next level? Step it up.
I'm so happy to hear you say that, because I was thinking the exact same thing.
Well, I guess great minds think alike, right? Yeah.
So we want to have you over for dinner.
Oh! Yeah! That is Exactly What I was thinking.
Okay, so we're on.
We are so on.
And on that note, how would you like to be a full time member at the gym? You've got to try this.
Mmm.
It's good, right? Oh, I'm looking forward to that.
I know, me too.
I can't wait.
So, uh What time are they coming? Stop it, okay? They'll be here.
Yes, honey.
They're just running a little late.
I mean, I just find it a little odd that he also wanted you to sign up for a full year at the gym, but that's No, no, that was for a discounted friend price.
Mmm.
So that's not strange at all.
He'll be here.
Mm-hm.
Ha-ha! Mm-hmm.
In your face.
I told you they'd be here.
Chuck - Oh, no - What? They're not coming.
Aw I know.
Chuck sent me a text.
He says there is some sort of water leak at the gym.
Water leak? I know You do know what this means, right? Yes.
It means I've got to go down there and help him out.
No.
That's not what it Emma, that's what friends do, okay? It's good to see you guys, I love you.
Two more, come on! One more! You did it, baby! You a lion! You are the beast! What's going on here? What's going on here? You said there was a water leak! There's no how could you do this to me? I mean, I thought we I gave you the three-part handshake.
You think I just do that with anybody? I only do that with cool people.
I thought you were, but You're not cool, okay? You're not.
You're like the opposite of cool.
You're like hot.
It's not You know what I mean, because it's not I'm having trouble with my emotions right now.
I'll be honest, okay? And you, you.
You think this is going to last? Huh? You think you've got something special? You don't.
He does this with everyone.
I made you dinner! Who's ready for another set? I am.
You is.
Who's going to kill it? You Watch out, it's a hippopotamus At least the food is good.
Is it? I'm not sure about anything anymore.
Honey There's a Swedish saying: "If you lose one, there are a thousand more waiting for you when You get" I don't know, it sounds so much better in Swedish.
God, I hope so.
But my point is, it's his loss.
Because you're great.
I love you, Bruce Evans.
Wow.
You said it.
Yeah It's a special occasion.
Now that you said that, I'm going to say that I really respect you as well.
Very much, Emma.
You do? Yes.
Mmm.
I'm just kidding, I love you Yeah, I know, I know.
Oh, I think this is too Italian for me, actually.
Oh, good god! Excuse me, sir.
But I have to ask you: Aren't you the king of Luxembourg? Oh, but I am.
How did you recognize me in my Ordinary, everyday clothes? And who might you be? I'm Samuel Jackson.
From NASA.
The king of Luxembourg wishes to return his suit.
Wow, you wouldn't want the king of Luxembourg to be unhappy, would you? We're not living in America