Welcome to Sweden (2014) s02e07 Episode Script

1 Hey.
Hej.
Hej.
Hey do you guys speak any English, by any chance? No, nothing? Listen here, you little pricks, okay? I don't need to hear from you what I hear from everybody else every day and I Hej, hej Hej.
We're not living in America but we're not sorry I knew there was something that we never had we don't worry no, we're not living in America But we're not sorry, no we don't care about the world today We're not sorry for you for my baby, baby, baby, baby Aahh hey, wow.
Look at these guys, huh, adorable.
Yeah.
Bah, ho! Basketball, right? Yes! You play? Yeah, he loves basketball.
You do? Great, look at this.
Look what this guy can do.
Wow, look at that! Yeah, well, they don't seem to care.
No.
Oof! Yeah, he's impressed.
Have you played basketball? Yeah, I played a little bit, yeah.
Actually, I'm in charge of the team and we're looking for a new coach.
Oh.
You want to coach them? Yeah, that's a good idea, you should do that.
Hey.
I Would love to, but hi.
We're trying to recruit Bruce as the kids' new basketball trainer.
Right, but That's great.
He's a great basketball player.
No, I'm pretty good at basketball You're being too modest now.
I mean, he played for his college team and everything.
Yeah, but it was a small college.
I mean, I'm good for a small white guy.
That's my I would love to.
You know, I would love to do it but I can't.
I got to work, I have all this work stuff that's happening these days and What's your job? My job? Yeah? Uh, you know how there's a guy, uh, in Rome? That you pay To show you around? And maybe cut in the line at the Vatican? That.
Hmm Like that.
But but no Vatican.
Well, you really made it hard for me to say no up there.
But you're not all that busy with the "guy" thing, are you? Well it's not just the "guy" thing, I mean, it's all this wedding stuff, I have this long to-do list.
Honey, I'll help you, okay? I mean you love basketball, and you love kids.
Yeah, I love American kids.
Okay? Not those monsters up there.
Plus, I don't think my Swedish is good enough.
I don't even know how to say, like, "pass the ball" in Swedish.
"Passa bollen".
What about "time out"? "Time out".
Dunk? "Dunk".
Cool, maybe this will be easier than I thought.
Honey, I'll support you.
Thank you.
I'll come to every game, I promise.
Sweet.
Did you actually call those kids "pricks"? Well, they started it.
Why does he want to see both of us? No idea.
God.
This is bad.
Maybe we don't need to be all that specific about who actually trashed his office? You mean, other than me, who he actually found in his office? Emma, I wish it had been me instead, truly, I do.
And I know a lot about damage control and it's best to just Move on, don't look back.
Hm, you want me to take the blame.
No one likes a rat, Emma.
What are we, the mob now? All I'm saying, is that it would be bad for the bank's image if both of us were implicated in this Have you heard the expression, "what happens at the mohippa, stays at the mohippa"? No, can't say I have.
Well, have you heard "take one for the team"? Nope.
How about "Please don't mention my name and destroy my career.
" Please Emma, sweet, sweet, Emma.
I need this, the same thing happened at my last job.
You smashed another fire distinguisher into a computer? Pretty much.
Wow.
Okay fine, I won't say anything.
Okay, thank you.
But you owe me one.
Of course.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, I thought that we Maybe can talk a little about what happened in my office? It was Emma.
Hm, yes I know that.
I found her in there.
I'm sorry.
You should be.
Okay, don't push it.
Uh, is there anything I can do to make it up to you? Yes, there should be some kind of a punishment, I think.
Yeah, it should.
Maybe, is it possible to get a regional report to hans this week? Good one.
Well.
Mm-hm, sure.
And hr wants some overtime statistics for the marketing department.
I was going to ask Diane to do it, but maybe Emma Yes, Emma should do that too.
Okay.
And maybe, maybe, you can water my plants.
You know what, I don't think that's in my job description.
No, but on the other hand, it's not part of my job description to wash a Hitler mustache off my family's portrait.
I'll water your plants.
Is that all? For the moment, yes.
Thank you, olof, for understanding, Emma is very, very sorry about all of this.
He bought it, nice work, Emma! Okay, my name is Bruce.
I would like to start with some lay-ups.
Okay, we're going to sta We're going to do two Tva, line, line, linjes, linjes.
Linje, linja We're going to do two lines, okay? Lay-up is, you take two steps.
Because then it's over, okay? Uh bounce, is it "bounce-a ballen"? Oh, "prutta"? Why are you is it "pruta"? It feels like it's not.
Ja.
Yes.
Sorry, Bruce.
Go ahead, Bruce.
Thank you, Karl.
Yeah.
Okay.
Two hands, grab the ballen Yeah.
Keep Hey, which part was funny? In oh, my god.
My god, jeez, what are we Hey, block, block! Just give him a, give him a little Nope oh god, that's What is this? Go Bruce team! Move the feet.
What the heck.
Okay defence, up.
No, come on ref.
Ref! There's been five fouls called on our team, not one on the other team.
Okay? What's your problem? Coach, just leave the court.
Listen, you know what, I used to be a "bajskorv", okay? So I know how difficult it is.
And maybe bajskorv is not your thing.
You know, maybe you shouldn't be bajskorv, because you know, it's hard.
I give you a technical foul, please leave the court.
Technical for what? Stop talking, just leave.
Okay, fine, you know what? I'm going to leave anyways because these kids are useless, okay? Hey honey, great game.
Great game? We're getting killed and I just got thrown out of it.
Yeah, but apart from that.
I don't even know if I can coach these guys.
The language difference is just too much, I think.
I can help you, dude, I can be your translator.
Nah Sure I can, when do you practice next time? Tuesday.
Great, I'll be there.
And just so you know, the referee is not called "bajskorv".
He's called "domarjavel".
Domarjavel? Oh my god, that's the problem.
Apologies for the "bajskorv" thing, I got misinformation on that.
Okay, let's rehearse.
Bruce, you can play britt.
What? You're American, you know all the dirty tricks.
It's in your blood.
Come.
No.
Yes, you're very convincing.
You somehow talked Emma into marrying you.
Get up.
Okay, but you know I don't even speak Swedish, so Well, we can do it in English.
Get up! Now, the meeting room is packed with people, then britt says: "Next topic, the apartments in the attic.
Birger wiik, do you want to say something?" "Next topic, the apartments in the attic, birger wiik, would you like to say something?" Ehm, well I, ehm I have you say, I don't like this project.
Eh, I love the Hobby room, I'm still there a couple of hours a week.
Okay, is there anybody else that uses the room? That's a good point bru britt.
Ehm - Maybe you're right.
- Birger, you give up in a second.
You're great as britt, though.
Thanks.
I don't think it's worth fighting for.
Okay, this has been very interesting, I've got to go.
- Now? - Yeah, - I'm trying to save my career.
- Okay.
Yes, thank you guys so much.
Nae, britt.
We're not done yet, please.
Uh, okay.
See you back.
Oh, god.
Dumb cow.
You know maybe we should come up with some sort of slogan, something that will stick in people's minds.
Bra.
Like Obama had "yes we can".
Great! How about, uh "No we cannot?" Wow, look at this, it smells great.
I'm making eggs Benedict! Almost ready.
Okay? Wow, looks great.
There you go.
Wow, it's amazing.
I also made some seating charts for the wedding so if you can take a look at them.
It's sorted by, this one by language and this one is by political views, so that would be great.
Okay, when did you have time to do all this? Last night, or I came home an hour ago and I took a shower, and I started with breakfast.
Wow, it's amazing, it's like you're a super girlfriend.
I'm a little stressed but it's a positive stress, you know? I feel like, "bring it on", huh! Okay.
I got to run, babe.
So, I love you.
Honey, you Your phone.
Is something wrong, are you okay? Am I okay? Okay? Okay? Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.
Because You forgot your phone.
Oh, thank you.
Huh! And can I have the ham in your briefcase? Here you go.
Thank you.
Okay, bye.
Okay, I just need your professional opinion on this.
I've never seen Emma like this before.
She's working around the clock, she's not sleeping.
She's starting to do some really weird things.
I think she's on crack.
She's stressed, it's obvious.
About work.
No, about the marriage.
No, about work.
It's the marriage.
I think it's about work, but regardless of the reason, what can I do about it? It sounds like she's about to hit the wall.
I keep hearing that phrase.
What does that mean? What is that? "Hitting the wall"? Yeah? It's huge in Sweden.
It's almost bigger than melodifestivalen.
Okay well, it doesn't exist in the U.
S.
No of course not, it's a Swedish song contest.
No, I mean the concept of hitting the wall.
We don't have that.
So, what do you call it? When you're tired, overworked, stressed, and then you crash, what do you call that? I think we just call that "life".
Have you seen "the sopranos"? Mm-hm.
You know how Tony has these anxiety attacks and starts crying when some birds leave his pond? Mm-hm.
That's what happens when you're hitting the wall.
Oh my god, no! Oh, yeah.
Emma's turning soprano? I'm busy.
Can I call you back? Sure.
Something wrong? I'm busy.
Can I call you back? Okay, but are you sure nothing's wrong? I'll call you back, okay? Okay.
Call me later.
Okay, everybody, I want to welcome our new translator.
His name's gustaf.
Go.
Wait, did you say assistant coach? No.
Okay.
'Cause you're not my assistant No, no.
Okay, uhm, last match, let's be honest, didn't go so well, so I was hoping maybe we could just focus a little more.
Go.
Thank you.
Uh, so I thought, maybe we'll start with two lay-up lines.
Go.
I was right, it was just the language! Yeah, yeah.
Yes.
"Smarta", does that mean "lay-up", or? Yeah, it's like a quick lay-up.
Okay Hi, honey.
I think something's wrong.
Come here.
Listen, I would love to show you around, but I can't, my girlfriend is sick.
No, I mean in Sweden they have this weird thing that's called the soprano disease, or something? Bruce, can I talk to you for a minute? Can I call you back? Yes.
Yeah, it's about the team.
I know, what a turn-around, right? They're so good now.
It's mostly due to this guy, I have to say, couldn't have done it without him.
Hey, I'm just a natural born motivator.
Ah, brilliant.
Actually Adam told me this morning that you had threatened to kill me and Karl if he didn't play better.
What? That's crazy.
That's crazy, "are you crazy?" But then I called jens' parents and they told me the same story.
I don't even know what to say because that's I it must be kids with their imagination or something, I've never heard of Gustaf, have you? Gustaf? We're not living in America