Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse (1958) s02e14 Episode Script
The man in the funny suit
(dramatic orchestral music) - [Narrator.]
Westinghouse, first with the future presents the Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse.
Tonight's show, The Man in the Funny Suit.
Starring Ed Wynn and Keenan Wynn, with special guest appearances by Red Skelton and Rod Serling.
- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
You have just seen the stars of tonight's Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse.
Now, you've heard about actors living their parts.
Well, in tonight's unusual story, Ed Wynn and his son, Keenan Wynn, will actually recreate a climax in their lives.
For this is a true story, and in it, several well-known people, including Red Skelton and Rod Serling, will recreate their roles in a love story between a father and a son that is stranger than fiction.
This is the way it happened.
- The program's gonna be different tonight.
(audience laughs and applauds) - Relax, Keeno, enjoy it.
- [Ed.]
I'll tell you what it's all about.
- It's gonna be the greatest tonight.
- It's to start a new motion picture that I've just written.
It has the most unusual title.
The title of it is, When You Were Eight and I Was Nine, and We Were 17.
(audience laughs) Oh, some of these jokes are even better than that, you know.
Now, for instance, this is the most-- - Hello, Keeno.
- Hey Joey, how are you? - I heard you were makin' a picture in Japan.
- I'll go tomorrow, I wouldn't miss this for anything.
Bob Mathias, Joey Faye.
- Hi Joey.
- Hello, Bob.
The old man bring along the 11-foot pole? - Yeah.
- And the piano bicycle? - Yeah.
Accordion typewriter.
(men chuckle) - Of course, I've written this picture for my son, Keenan.
For the benefit of those of you who do not know who Keenan is, I would like to say, that whenever you see an Esther Williams picture, and whenever Esther dives in the pool, my son Keenan's the one who gets splashed.
(audience laughs) - He's got those great ones.
- [Ed.]
A man named Mills, and my-- - Relax, Keenan, they're all professionals here tonight.
They came here to laugh.
- I know.
But they all know the jokes before he tells 'em.
- Great turnout, huh? - It's more like a wake.
- What do you mean? - Ed Wynn hasn't been able to buy a job for the last two years, and everyone here knows it.
Oh, Ed Wynn's son.
- And Abe and his sweetheart Anna, they talked things over.
And you actually see Abe and Anna slip out of the house.
(audience chuckles) Now, it's four o'clock in the morning-- - He's dyin' up there.
- Easy, Keenan, easy.
- Dawn is creeping over the fence.
Dawn is Anna's mother.
(audience groans) It's very interesting when you see Abe and Anna, they decide to get romantic, and they talk a walk down the Old Ox Road.
And Abe is filled with pride because Anna is the biggest ox on the road, you know.
So they decide to get married, and as they stand before the justice of the peace, the judge says, do you take this woman to be your wife? And he says, I do.
Judge says, that's funny, I would take her to be your mother.
(audience chuckles quietly) Some of these jokes are delightful, I think.
Anyhow, from here on-- - Say, Mr.
Wynn, do you still do magic? - Oh, that sounds like my son Keenan's voice.
You all know my son Keenan Wynn, he's made a big reputation as a legitimate actor.
I don't know what that makes me.
(audience laughs) - Uh, Mr.
Wynn, do you need an assistant? - Why young man, would you really assist me? - I would be happy to.
(audience applauds and cheers) Remember what's so funny about that routine? - Do I remember it, I wrote it.
Gentlemen, for the first time on any stage, Ed Wynn and his son Keenan.
(audience laughs) - Keenan and his father, Ed.
(audience cheers and applauds) - He's stealing my billing already, I never saw a straight man who wasn't crooked.
- May I be of some assistance to you, sir? - I wish you would, young man.
Have you a handkerchief? - Yes, as a matter of fact, I have.
- Well, that's very, very nice of you.
Would you lend it to me like this? - I certainly would.
- Have you a match? - As a matter of fact, I do.
There we are.
- Would you strike it please? - Indeed, I will.
- You wanted me to do magic? - That's correct.
- Now, would you just light that handkerchief.
- Light this handkerchief, eh? - That's right.
(audience laughs) Now, this is your handkerchief.
- That's correct, sir.
- Your match, you lit it.
Is that right?- That's right, sir.
- Now, do you mind stepping on that for me? (foot thuds)(audience chuckles) - That's the trick? - That's the hole trick.
(audience laughs and applauds) - What's so funny about that? - I don't know, but they're laughing, aren't they? Now, do you know, I noticed a spot on your necktie, there.
- Oh yes, it was a little heavy going out there tonight.
- Well, I have the greatest spot remover in the world.
- Is that right? - Yes, if you will close your eyes and count three, I will see that the spot is gone.
- Really? - [Ed.]
Yes, yes, yes.
- Well now, you be sure to let me know when to start counting.
- Yes, well, you may start counting now.
- Really?- Yeah.
(audience laughs)- One, two, three.
(woman laughs)- And finally, I had Kennan stripped to his shorts, while he kept saying, well what's funny about that? It was hilarious.
That place was in an uproar.
You never heard bigger laughs in your life.
- Oh, I wish I'd been there.
I must say, it's pretty chintzy of 'em not even to allow the daughter in law of the guest of honor.
- It was an event.
That's what they said it was, an event.
Keenan, you'll never know what it meant to me to have us be together for the first time on any stage.
Ed Wynn and his son, Keenan.
I always told you that we'd make a great team.
(somber orchestral music) - Think I'll get a little drink.
- I'll get it.
- [Keenan.]
No, no, no.
- You know, Sharley, I guess I have over 400 coats in storage, and at least 800 funny hats.
Now, there's no reason why Keenan shouldn't-- - Listen, Grandpa, can I get you a drink? - Oh no, no, you know me.
I don't drink very often.
And certainly I don't need one tonight.
- You sure? - Well.
- I'll get you one.
(somber orchestral music) How is it, really? - Tremendous, just like he said.
- But you've always refused to work with him before.
- Honey, tonight's his big night.
- All right, now, it might be the last one he ever has like this.
So come on, let's give him an audience, come on.
- One thing.
Now that I've worked with him this once, he's gonna want more.
He started on that act routine.
So honey, don't let him get started.
You know me, I'll get hot, and I'll say something that I'll be sorry for.
And I want tonight to be a wonderful page in his scrapbook.
But nothing more.
- I'm gonna miss you around here.
- Thank you, Sharley.
I've been working on a routine.
The two of us.
I'll be the fire chief, and here's the gimmick.
You can be the perfect fool.
- Say, that's the greatest act since Macy teamed up with Gimble.
- Oh, I'm serious.
We could try a couple of break-in dates.
- Oh no look, Pop, I don't think you understand.
You see, I don't wanna be known as Ed Wynn's son professionally.
I've worked 25 years to establish my own name, Keenan Wynn, actor.
- Oh, I'm not taking anything away from you.
I wanna give you something.
- Look, Pop, I'm an actor, not part of an act.
- What's wrong with the act? - Well, Pop, it's corny, it's dated.
The funny shoes, the funny hats, that's another era.
- No, if I believed that room was finished, there'd be nothing left for me but to die.
- [Keenan.]
Aw now look, Pop.
- No, no listen to me, Keenan, you have proved your point, haven't you? You made a great success as a dramatic actor.
But your forte is really comedy.
Now, that was proven tonight.
- Sure, I do comedy, Pop.
As an actor, I do comedy, drama, melodrama.
- Yeah well wait now, here me out.
A man builds an art, something of his own, and he wants to leave it to his son.
- Oh please, Pop, not tonight, huh? - Look here, for 50 years, I've been saving jokes and costumes and routines.
You're my only son, I want you to have them all.
You could be the perfect fool.
- I don't wanna be the perfect fool! Who needs a perfect fool? - Well, you heard that audience! - Yeah, you were dyin' up there! - Darling please, not tonight! - Yes, tonight.
He's big boy, now.
- [Ed.]
But Keenon! - Pop, it's not for me! The whistle blew on the fire chief.
The perfect fool is not a bicycle built for two.
- Don't you have to pack? - Look, Pop.
- Oh no, you were right, Keenan.
I'm a big boy, now.
- Pop, don't you understand? (gentle orchestral music) Today, no one is buyin' the man in the funny suit.
- Listen, Keenan's gonna be gone a couple of months on the new picture, and I'll be alone with the baby, so you'll come and see us, won't you, Grandpa? - Nobody ever saw me cry.
- Why? - Because, with my face, I'd look ridiculous.
(chuckles) - [Flight Announcer.]
Announcing the departure of flight 604, for Honolulu, Wake, Okinawa, and Tokyo.
Boarding at gate 23.
- You take care of yourself, now.
- You, too.
Goodbye, darling.
- Bye.
(coins clink) (rotary dial whirs) (phone rings) - Hello? - [Keenan.]
Hello, Pop? - Yes? - [Keenan.]
It's Keeno.
- Yes, Keenan? - I'm at the airport.
- [Ed.]
Oh? - Look, Pop, about last night.
- I understand.
- Pop, we're in two different worlds, don't you understand? We're 30 years apart.
- Keenan, what am I to do if you won't come in with me? What am I to do? - Why, uh, why don't you just retire? - Retire? Never.
I'd rather die on the stage with people laughing at me than I would in bed with my relatives crying over me.
- Well look, look Pop, you don't need the money.
Got all the glory.
Why don't you just quit? (dramatic orchestral music) Think about it, will you, Pop? Say, uh.
Drop in on Sharley every once in a while, will ya? - [Ed.]
Sure.
- So long, Pop.
- [Ed.]
So long, Keenan.
Have a good trip.
(sirens wail)(playful music) - [Man.]
And here he is now, the fire chief, Ed Wynn! (audience applauds) - The program's gonna be different tonight.
(chuckles) (audience laughs) I'm sorry, friend.
I'll stick to my horse.
So! (audience applauds) (gentle orchestral music) Me quit? No.
(dramatic orchestral music) (midtempo orchestral music) Now you see, then I'll ask you what is your name? And you'll say it's Isabel.
Then I'll say, Isabel necessary on a bicycle? (laughs) I tell you, they'll scream at it! (baby cries) Oh, you think it's corny, do you? Well, your father thinks it's corny, too.
- Some audience, huh? Oh, she's not doin' so well.
- No, I guess a little over-rehearsed, but it'll be all right.
I figure that we can open in Atlantic City in 18 years.
- (laughs) Ed Wynn and granddaughter.
- Oh yes, yes, I'll buy that.
How 'bout you? (baby coos) Say, do you know, if you were 50 years older, I'd marry you.
- Say you'll have to ask my father.
- Oh, he doesn't approve of me.
- Say, yes he does.
(baby babbles) - Oh, he doesn't think my prospects are any good at all.
- Say my father doesn't want anybody or anything to hurt you.
- Oh? - Mm-hm.
Sometimes it's a little difficult for a child to say what it feels, but he loves you, Grandpa.
- Thank you, Sharley, for trying.
(baby coos) See, she's a critic.
She says that this scene is too sentimental.
It's overly dramatic.
- It's her lunchtime.
(phone rings)I'll get her bottle.
- I'll answer that.
It's nice to hear a phone ring for a change.
Hello? - [Operator.]
Mr.
Wynn? - Yes? - One moment please, Mr.
Martin Manulis with the Playhouse 90th calling.
- Oh, I suppose you wanna speak to my son, Keenan.
- I have Mr.
Wynn on 31, Mr.
Manulis.
- [Martin.]
Put him on.
- Go ahead, please.
- I'll get right to the point.
We have a new script for Playhouse 90 by Rod Serling.
It's called Requiem for a Heavyweight, and there's a wonderful part of a fight manager, and Rod has specifically asked for you.
- [Ed.]
But, uh-- - Ralph Nelson's going to direct, and we'd all like very much to have you in the play.
Would you do it? - Oh, I guess you want my son, Keenan.
This is Ed Wynn.
- Oh, I'm sorry, Mr.
Wynn.
Is Keenan there? - No, he's in Japan finishing a picture.
He'll be back in a week, though.
- Mr.
Wynn, would you be interested in playing a dramatic part? - Me? You want me? - Well, I just had an idea.
There's a part of a great old trainer.
It'd be a natural for you.
His name is Army.
Would you be interested? - Well, I never said a straight line in my life.
- I think you'd be wonderful in that part.
And Keenan and you together'd make great publicity.
- Oh, I don't know that Keenan would want to.
- Mr.
Wynn, I'd like to send you the script to read to see what you think and if you'd like to play it.
And where can I reach Keenan in Japan? (midtempo orchestral music) - Anything in your plan, Mr.
Wynn? Oh! - How are you, darling? - Fine.
- How's the baby? - Fine.
- How's Pop?- Fine.
- Oh, good.
Porter.
- Yes, sir? - Would you get my bag for me please? Did you hear about Playhouse 90? - Yeah, the script is at the house.
- Who else is in it? - Well, Jack Powers, Kim Hunter, Maxie Rosenbloom, and wait till I tell you-- - Here you are, Porter, meet us at the main gate.
My name is-- - I know you.
- You do? - You're Ed Wynn's son.
(dramatic orchestral music) - Oh, yeah.
Oh yeah! - Good? - It's a blockbuster.
- Your part? - Great.
Every part in it is great.
There's a part in here I'd give my eye teeth to play.
Too young for it.
Part of the trainer called Army.
Wow.
You know, Army and I have a lot of scenes together.
Here, let me read you this one scene.
- Listen, darling, there's something you outta know.
(phone rings) - Hold on a minute.
Hello.
- [Ed.]
Hello? - Hey, Pop, how are you? - I gotta talk to you, Keenan.
We go into rehearsal tomorrow.
- Rehearsal? - Well, aren't you going in Requiem? - Sure.
- I'm in it, too.
(suspenseful orchestral music) - What part, Pop? - Army.
That's what concerns me.
I need your opinion.
- For sure, Pop, come on over we'll talk about it.
- [Ed.]
Goodbye.
- Yeah, bye.
(somber orchestral music) He's not ready to tackle a dramatic part that big.
It's too long.
You knew about this.
- Now, sit down and tell me all about Japan.
- Of course, I read it a half dozen times.
That's why I wanted to ask for your opinion.
- Well, I think it's real great that they offered this part to you, Pop, real great.
Of course, this is quite a departure for you, you know.
- It's an interesting idea to have me play a dramatic role, isn't it? - Oh of course, of course.
- And for the two of us to play together for the first time.
- Yes, Pop, but you see-- - I don't think I'm gonna do it.
- Hm? - Nah, part's too small.
- That's a great part, I wish I had it.
- Why Army isn't even in some of the scenes.
I don't have much to say.
I counted the speeches, they're only-- - Pop, look, it doesn't matter how much you have to say it's what you say.
- Well, that's the point.
I don't even have one laugh in the entire piece.
- This is a drama.
- But a laugh always helps.
You take the hotel scene, for example.
I could put a real belly laugh in there.
You take this, and--- Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop.
- [Ed.]
Huh? - Let's wait 'till tomorrow when the whole cast reads.
Let's hear how it sounds before you make any changes.
- Well, all right.
But if I consent to play in this, they must realize the audience expects Ed Wynn to make them laugh.
I'll have to tell jokes and maybe once or twice I'll put on a funny hat, you know, things like that.
Don't tell me, I know what the audience wants from me.
- So we feel with you all, we have a particularly distinguished cast, as well as featuring the dramatic debut of Ed Wynn.
(group applauds) If you don't know Rod Serling personally, you certainly know him by reputation, since he won last year's Emmy for his play Patterns.
Requiem represents a landmark.
It's the first original 90-minute play written especially for television.
Now, I'll turn you over to your director, Mr.
Ralph Nelson.
It's all yours, Ralph.
- Thank you, Martin.
All right, let's read.
Now, the first scene is in the underbelly of a fight arena.
Business, business, business, and then we cut to a shot of Army and Maish appearing at the far end of the corridor carrying Mountain from the ring, who leans heavily upon them.
Cue Maish.
- How is he? - This wasn't his night, that's for sure! (audience laughs) - Thanks, Ed.
We needed that laugh to relax everybody.
Okay, let's take it from the top.
Ed, of course, you know there's something in Maish's behavior that's bugging you.
Now, that's your spine in this scene, you got it? Okay, again.
- How is he? - This wasn't his night, that's for sure! - Hey, Mountain, can you hear me? Hey, give me that alum, will you? - I don't think alum will-- I don't think that alum'll do it, Maish.
I think that's gonna take stitches.
(dramatic orchestral music) - Wanna lodge a complaint? - What do you want with a wrestling promoter? - You got the longest nose in the business.
- Hey Maish, you stink! (chuckles) Oh, my goodness.
You stink.
- Let's break for coffee.
Take five everybody.
(Ed chuckles) - Mr.
Wynn, I saw you in Laugh Parade, and I love that show very much, and I remember one particular scene in a night club-- - [Ed.]
When was that? - Where you came out, and start tellin' all these-- - Whadya think? - Amateur night, I swear.
- Some actors start with wonderful readings and gradually get worse.
- Well, that's one thing in his favor, he couldn't possibly get any worse.
- Think positively, Ralph.
- Oh, let's face it, Marty, this isn't the way I wrote Army.
- Look, fellas, this I just the first reading.
- Rod's right.
- So we all make mistakes, but let's admit it while there's time to get another actor.
- Let's give it a few days.
- [Ralph.]
Again, from the top.
(group chatters) - Got a match? - You and a mouse, that's the match.
- No, Pop, that's where we cross to the table.
- Oh, yes, yes, yes, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Ralph.
- Keenan, can I see you for a second? - Yeah, yeah, sure.
- I got the cross right that time, didn't I? - Sure you did, Pop.
Look, concentrate on the lines, eh? - Well, all right.
- Keenan, when's the old man gonna get the script out of his hands? - Well, I know he's slow, but he'll learn it.
- And about the business, he doesn't remember a thing.
We've been at it for over a week now.
- He'll get it, don't worry.
- Okay, I'll take your word for it.
All right again, please, from the top, please.
(men chatter)Please, please.
Ed! - Wait, I'm tellin' the boys how I taught Will Rogers to talk.
You know, this, well you see here's what happened.
- Look, Pop! - Look, I'm telling them a story, Keenan, just a minute.
- Well, look Pop, we gotta rehearse.
- Well can't you wait just a minute while I finish the story? So, Will Rogers-- - I don't know about you, Pop, but I gotta rehearse, huh? Let's go.
- All right, places everybody, clear, come on, let's go.
- I'll tell you later, fellas.
- [Ralph.]
Go.
- Got a match? - You and a mouse, that's the match! (dramatic orchestral music) (fingers snap) - These guys play.
- Uh, let me start again, will you? Let me start again.
These guys play for real, Army.
I welch on them, you gonna be able to take a spoon scrape me off the wall and put up the cup.
- Who told you to bet? - [Woman.]
Who told me? - Who told me I had to eat? - Oh, sure Pop, give it to me again, will you? - What? - Cue, give me the cue.
Nevermind, nevermind.
Who told me I had to eat? - You picked the sport! - I'm sorry.
- [Ralph.]
Come on, Keenan, get with it huh, concentrate.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry I flapped.
- Oh no, no, I'm not worried Grandpa, no.
I just thought that when it got to be this late maybe he was with you.
- No, no I haven't seen him since we finished rehearsal.
You know, we didn't break till seven o'clock.
- How's it going? - [Ed.]
Just fine, but so much rehearsal.
It's two weeks already, we haven't even seen a camera.
- How's your part coming, Grandpa? - Fine.
This dramatic acting isn't tough.
- (chuckles) Oh, listen, Grandpa, I think I hear his car now, so goodbye.
(somber orchestral music) I was worried about you.
Is he any better? He thinks he's good.
Where you been, worrying about him? Is he that bad? - He's that bad.
Everybody knows it but him.
Before he knows it, I gotta get him out.
- Would it help if I tell you that I love you? - Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna go in there, what I'm gonna say to Rod and Martin and Ralph this isn't just another actor.
He's my father.
I wanna spare him this humiliation.
Ralph and Rod know how bad he is in this part, you don't know how bad, Martin.
I'm asking you to let him out of this play.
- Keenan, how can I fire Ed Wynn? Oh, I know he needs a lot of special attention-- - This is no acting school, this is the big leagues.
- In this play, he's got to make them cry.
- And every trick and mannerism of his belongs to comedy.
- Martin, there's barely time to get a replacement.
We go camera in three days.
- Rod has every right to worry about his play.
Ralph has two dozen other actors to worry about.
But I'm worried about my old man.
- All right, show me a scene.
I'll come down at the lunch break.
- What do you want with a wrestling promoter? - You've got the longest nose in the business.
- Hey Maish, you stink! (chuckles) - Wanna know who owes who? - It ain't bad enough that I have to watch him go down all these years, now you want me in the pit! I gotta officiate at the burial.
- All right, so weep for him, so rip your clothes a little.
You could starve, wise guy.
- Hey! This is a slob to you, Maish? This is a hunk? I'll tell you what he is.
He's a decent man.
- All right, I've seen enough.
- Oh, there's more.
- No, no, no more.
I'm satisfied.
It's beautiful, you liked it.
Mr.
Wynn, I wanted to you from the beginning.
Now that I've seen your play, I'd get down on my hands and knees and beg you to stay.
- I missed a couple of cues, you know.
- You were magnificent.
You're gonna steal all the notices.
Now, I gotta run, you better get something to eat, you're gonna need your strength.
- Martin, hold it.
Listen, did you hear the scene that I just heard? - Are you out of your ever-loving mind? - Look Martin, how do you think a Requiem gets written? Do you think somebody raises a thermometer and the words just flow out like perspiration? Well, it's not that simple, it's rough, it's back-breaking, and you're not paying for this script, you're stealing it.
- Now listen, this man has been on the stage longer than the sum total of our professional lives.
- Is that a reason to keep him in the cast? - Are we gonna be the punk kids who fire 50 years of show business? - Martin, this show is not on film, it's live.
One time only, there's no protection! - And if he stinks, 30 million people are gonna smell him.
- Well you worry about them.
I worried about my old man.
- All right, it's a gamble, sure.
We're gambling that 50 years of grease paint, and trouping and headlining will pay off when we go on the air.
- All right, Martin, have your fun, roll the dice with Martin Manulis, but I just crapped out.
Take my name off the script.
You keep the old man, you lose me.
- He goes on.
The show's been advertised as the first public appearance of Keenan and Ed Wynn, and he stays.
(dramatic orchestral music) - I don't know about you, Keenan, but I have to rehearse.
Let's go.
(midtempo orchestral music) - But you understand, I can't play it like Ed Wynn.
Oh of course, we don't want that.
We just want the part well-covered.
Now play Army as Ned Glass would play Army.
- It's the only way I could get Rod to stay with us for rewrites.
- An understudy for Ed Wynn, huh? - Ned Glass is a very good actor on his own.
And I had to promise Rod protection.
- There's no time to break in an understudy.
- Keenan, I doubt that we'll ever need him.
I have faith in your father.
If there's any chance of his blowing the show or hurting himself, then Ned'll be ready to take over for him.
This is just an insurance policy.
That makes sense, doesn't it? - What insurance do you have against breaking my old man's heart, Martin? - Nobody in this room can say anything about this outside.
We all understand that.
If Ed ever found out about it, it'd just about kill him.
And meanwhile, we've got to break our necks to help the old man give a performance.
- Keenan, you and I are gonna have to put in a lot of overtime.
First there's his lisp.
Rod, would you go through a script and cut out every s sound that you can? - Right, Ralph.
- He can't stop his hands from fluttering.
Get me boxing gloves, playing cards, a dozen hand props to nail 'em down.
- And drill those lines so he can recite them sideways.
- You do all that, and his voice still cracks and his head shakes, and what about his giggle? - Well, that one's got me stumped.
- We've got three days before we go on camera.
- It's impossible.
- Nothing's impossible.
Some things are just a little less possible than others.
- All I can say for you pal is good luck.
- [Ralph.]
Again.
- You wanna lodge a complaint? - Whadya want with a wresting promoter? - You got the longest nose in the business.
- Hey Maish, you stink.
(giggles) Oh my god.
- Aw come on, Pop.
You're not supposed to laugh there.
- I can't help it.
- It's a critical scene.
Pop, it's not funny, come on.
- I'm sorry, but when you say that, I can't say, hey Maish, you stink! I can't say it.
(laughs) - Just forget I'm Keenan, will you? All right, come on-- - All right, I'll try.
I'll try.
(laughs) - Come on, now.
- What do you want with a wrestling promoter? - You got the longest nose in the business.
- Hey Maish, you.
(laughs) - [Keenan.]
Aw come on, will you, Pop? I'm not Keenan, I'm Maish! - Listen, I'm trying to.
- You gotta take it seriously.
Come on, everybody's breakin' their necks around here.
- Hold it, hold it, hold it.
I've got an idea, relax, Ed.
- [Ed.]
I'm sorry.
(laughs) - Listen, how about you going home and working on your own part for a change? - Oh now wait a minute, what about Pop? - I know, but you've been worrying so much about his performance, you haven't had a chance to think about your own.
Now go on, I'll let him laugh it out, go ahead.
- Hey Pop, I'll see you in the morning, eh? - Hey Maish, you.
(laughs) I can't.
(dramatic orchestral music) This is a slob to you, Maish? This is a hunk? I'll tell you what he is, this boy.
He's a decent man, is what he is.
This is somebody, flesh and blood.
You can't sell this down the market by the pound! If you do, Maish, I'll tell you, I'll.
(laughs) So funny to me, there.
You know if Mr.
Ziegfeld could see me now, he's just drop dead.
- Where it to all rehearsals from now on, it'll get to feel like your own, and help you play the part.
- Oh, I thought we were through rehearsing.
Why, Keenan said he was going home just to relax for a change.
- No, Pop.
Now we got three days for scenery, props, lights, cameras.
- We never worked that hard in the theater, and we'd run for two years.
- Yep, when I was in the ring, I didn't even rehearse! I would just lie down on the job.
- We're through for the day, eh? - Yeah.
Early call tomorrow, eight o'clock on the set.
- I forgot my script in the rehearsal hall.
See you tomorrow, Maxie.
- So long, champ.
- [Ned.]
You and a mouse, that's a match.
- [Keenan.]
Now listen, Army these guys play for real.
I welch on them, you can take a spoon and scrape a scoop of me off the wall and put me in a cup! - [Ned.]
Who told you to bet? - [Keenan.]
Who told me I had to eat? - [Ralph.]
That's good, Ned.
Now give it a little more bite.
Remember, make Army challenge Maish all throughout the scene.
Let that carry you.
All right, again, from the top.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- [Keenan.]
Got a match? - [Ned.]
You and a mouse, that's a match.
- [Keenan.]
Now listen Army, these guys play for real.
I welch on them, you could take a spoon and scrape a scoop of me off the wall and put it in a cup.
- [Ned.]
Who told you to bet? - [Ralph.]
He's taking up fast.
Ned's a very solid actor.
- [Rod.]
What a spot to be in.
The only understudy in the history of live television.
How's the old man doing? - [Ralph.]
Mechanical.
He could blow the show at any scene.
But if anything should happen, at least Keenan won't have to be ashamed for his old man.
(dramatic orchestral music) (actors chatter) - [Martin.]
I'd get down on my hands and knees and beg you to stay.
You're gonna be great.
- [Keenan.]
Why don't you just retire, Pop? - [Ed.]
For the first time on any stage, Ed Wynn and son.
(audience applauds) - [Keenan.]
I don't wanna be the perfect fool.
Who needs the perfect fool? - [Rod.]
The only understudy in the history of live television.
- [Ralph.]
At least Keenan won't have to be ashamed for his old man.
(midtempo orchestral music) - [Announcer.]
90 cast on stage 31 immediately for cameral rehearsal.
- He's not out by the coffee wagon.
- He's not in his dressing room.
- Maybe he went to hake his bath.
- Cover for me, will you, Sam? - Oh how can I, he's in the first shot.
You too, come on, let's go.
- [Man.]
Cameras please.
Cast in opening positions, opening positions.
- All right, Drew.
Keep that mic on me will you, Drew? We're gonna open up on camera two.
All right, boom down, shoot straight up the corridor, clear the crowd, clear the crowd, mark the cut.
Tommy, I want it low key in the corridor, it's too hot in there now.
All right, crowd is cleared, cue the principals.
Keenan, where's Pop? - I don't know.
I just checked, he hadn't been in the apartment all night.
- Uh, get the understudy out here, Gus, we'll have him standby for Army for now.
All right, again, from the top, please, let's go.
- Hey Sal, you don't drink your coffee black.
- I don't even drink coffee.
This is a little chewy, the way I like it you know.
- We'll be ready with the cameras in a little bit.
- Okay, Seymour.
- Hey Army, you're stinkin'! (laughs) (playful orchestral music) - Here's some more coffee, Ed.
- Red, I'm plastered.
I've never been plastered in my whole life before.
- Well don't tell anyone, they'll never know the difference.
- Are you ashamed of me? - No.
- Everybody's ashamed of me.
- No, they're not either, they're proud of you.
- I'm ashamed of myself.
(laughs) You're drunk, you know.
- [Announcer.]
Ed Wynn, wanted on stage immediately.
- Now you drink the coffee now, Ed.
- All right, get the close up of him here.
Mark it.
Okay.
- There's Pop.
Where have you been? - Oh, Ed and I are working up a routine about two drunks.
One says to the other.
- I'm drunk.
- [Red.]
Yeah, and then I say-- - Keenan, run over the first act positions with him, will you? Show him the changes, and I'll set it up from the top for timing.
- Was drunk last, when I was drunk when I performed, I'm gonna get drunk tonight.
- Listen, Pop, listen Pop-- - Oh, excuse me.
- Who's that? - That's just a visitor, Pop.
- He had on my costume.
- Well, he was just turning in until you got here.
- Let's do Flugen Street Red.
- Oh, gee.
(laughs) - Woo, woo, woo! - Pop, now Pop, don't blow it now, not after all this work.
- You see, we have to get in the mood.
That's the difference between us, Red, and these dramatic actors.
They have to get in the mood, you know.
- [Ralph.]
Opening positions, first act.
Run it straight through, cast.
It's important we get the exact time.
- Sounds like doomsday.
(Red laughs) - Come on, Pop, come on, huh? - Shh.
Red, I'll see you.
- Okay cast, we'll run the first act from the principals' entrance.
It's important for positions and timing.
Now standby.
Crowd noise, bring the crowd noise down.
Empty the corridor, cue the principals.
Stadium? - Oh, I forgot the gloves, Ralph.
I'm sorry, I forgot the gloves.
- Tell him to keep going, we're trying to get a time.
(dramatic orchestral music) No Ed, the other side of the table, remember? - Oh, I'm sorry, Ralph.
- [Ralph.]
No, Army.
Army! Ed! - [Ed.]
Was I supposed to leave the door open or not? I forgot.
- [Ralph.]
Open, open.
- [Ed.]
I'm sorry.
- It's no use going on.
Lunch, back on stage in one hour, promptly please.
- Ralph, do you wanna go over my notes, now? - What's the use of notes? - So we bottle-feed him through acting lessons, can't he at least show up on time? Can't he remember anything? What's his dressing room number? - Ralph.
Remember, he's an old man, he's been through a tough time.
- Let's drop the sentimental grand old man of the theater junk.
He blew a rehearsal, I'm gonna make him remember his next 50 years in show business.
- You having fun? - Say, I've been watching the show.
So far, it's gonna be great.
- Aw, thanks Red.
- And Ed Wynn, boy.
Who'd ever think you could get a performance out of an old clown like that? Might be a chance for me yet, huh? Ralph, I know what you're gonna do, but don't do it.
- Why not? I've got a great show riding on a used up comic who strolls in drunk an hour late and doesn't remember three weeks of labor pains, he's got it coming to him.
- Wait up, Ralph.
Ralph, can I ask you something? Are you too old to learn or too young? Do you know what time the old man got in here this morning? 6:30, I checked with the guard, I know.
And you know why? - Save it for the old actor's home.
- In the first time his entire career, he was so frightened that he went out and got potted.
But he's here, isn't he? Not because he's frightened to death, not because he's laying his life on the line, but because there was a rehearsal.
Now you go in there and tell him off.
- Now Ed, I saved this exit to last because it's the most important single moment that you have.
Now tomorrow, we go on the air.
I'll see you at the dress rehearsal sober.
He's all yours, Keenan.
- Keenan, Ralph says that there's no audience.
- No.
- Well, how do you dramatic people tell audience reaction without an audience? - When you forget about the stagehands and the cameras and the lights and everything, and you look at me, and you forget I'm your son, and you spit in my eye because that's the way Army feels about Maish, when you stop doing make-believe, you do it for real, and you don't need audience reaction.
If you feel here and here, well it's true.
Come on, let's rehearse that exit again, huh? - All right, everybody keep up the pace, now keep it moving.
All right, now this is it, this is for air, this is for the money.
Good luck everybody.
Hey, by the way--- Ralph, whadya think? - You saw the dress rehearsal, it was a sham.
And that hotel scene, he won't stop laughing.
- Ralph, think positively.
- First act position, Mr.
Wynn.
- Mm-hm.
- And good luck, sir.
- Thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Good luck to you, sir, how do you do? - Good luck, Ed.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Good luck, Ed.
- Thanks, the same to you, Maxie.
- Good luck, Mr.
Wynn.
- Good luck to you, too.
- [Announcer.]
Live from Hollywood, Playhouse 90.
- Pop, good luck.
- Yeah, you too, Keenan.
Fade the crowd noise.
Cue the fighter, Keenan and Ed.
And everybody cross your fingers and pray.
(midtempo orchestral music) - Take two.
- Ready four.
- [Ed.]
I think that's where we goofed.
As long as they wear trunks and gloves, we think they're kids.
They're old men.
- [Keenan.]
They're the oldest.
I'll see you later, Army.
- Pan Maish.
Well, he made the first scene.
Bring music up, dissolve to four and cue Maish.
- [Keenan.]
You got a match? - [Ed.]
You and a mouse, that's the match.
- [Keenan.]
He says to me, what am I gonna do, he says to me, what am I, the encyclopedia? - [Ed.]
Well, you hear me out, Maish.
I'm telling you I love this guy like he was of my flesh, and I figure if I don't watch out for him, a week from now, nobody else will, least of all you for some reason.
So be careful, Maish.
That's what I'm tellin' you now, be careful.
(dramatic orchestral music) - Back, music, announce.
- [Announcer.]
We will return in a moment.
- Change for act, second act.
- [Announcer.]
For the second act of Playhouse 90.
But first-- - Come on, Pop, we got a fast change.
- Pop? I'm Army, and I hate Maish's guts.
- Dissolve to three, cue Mountain, check Ed in place.
- [Ed.]
This place is official, Mountain.
They're here just to get people jobs.
People like you that can't find 'em easy on their own.
- [Man.]
Act three, places please, hotel scene, 15 seconds.
- [Announcer.]
And now, act three of Requiem for a Heavyweight.
Tonight's original drama, written especially for Playhouse 90.
- So whadya want already? - Here it is.
- The hotel scene.
- Think positively.
- If he just gets that exit.
- Maybe I'll have a nice long shotgun.
Maybe a little pig under the arm, eh? And then you'll have the job, drink a little booze.
(phone rings) Hello? Oh yeah, well when he gets in, tell him I wanna talk to him will ya? No, I can't talk to you, I wanna talk to Parally himself.
Thanks.
Wanna lodge a complaint? - Whadya want with a wrestling promoter? - [Keenan.]
You have the longest nose in the business.
- Hey, Maish.
You stink.
- You wanna know who owes who? - It ain't enough I gotta watch Mountain go down all these years.
Now you want me in the pit.
I got officiated to bury him.
- All right, so weep for him, so rip your clothes.
I'll have a full gut to show for it.
You can starve, wise guy.
- Hey.
This is a slob to you, Maish? This is a hunk? I'll tell you what he is, Maish, this boy.
He's a decent man.
He's somebody, he's flesh and blood.
And you can't sell this on the market by the pound.
- 'Cause if you do, Maish, you'll rot in hell for it.
Understand me, Maish, you'll rot! - Hey Army, you'll be there tonight, huh? - Of course I'll be there.
He'd do it for you even if I wasn't there, so I'll be there.
(somber orchestral music) Why is it, Maish? Tell me, why is it so many people have to feed off one guy's misery? Tell me, Maish, doesn't it make you wanna die? - Let's go, Keenan.
Let's go, Keenan, final bar room scene.
- Is it all right? (dramatic orchestral music) Did I do okay? Hey tell me, was it, did I? I didn't leave anything out, did I? Listen, I tried, I tried so hard.
I promise, I tried so hard.
- He throws a left hook, I duck.
- Honest, I tried so hard.
(sobs) - [Mountain.]
And I ducked again.
And then he jabs me again.
- [Man.]
And then you duck.
- [Mountain.]
I don't duck.
I get it right on my chin I go down, oh boy am I down, I was out, too, I was hurt.
But I got up like a human being.
- All right, we're not off the air yet.
Cue announce.
- [Announce.]
You have just seen Requiem for a Heavyweight by Rod Serling.
- Stop spinning!- Why, I'm having fun! - A call for you, Ralph.
- Later, later.
- Hi, hi.
- Ralph, it was a tough fight, but you won.
- Oh Maxie, you were great.
Ah fellas, you were all marvelous.
Great job, great job, where's the old man? - Well, did I? (Ralph chuckles) - You were great, really great! - Wonderful, man you were great! (men chatter) - Pardon, pardon me, sir.
Pardon me, I beg your pardon.
Pardon me, pardon me.
Pardon me.
- Keenan, was I all right? I didn't want you to be ashamed of me.
- How could I be ashamed of you? I'm Ed Wynn's son.
- After 25 years? - Ed Wynn's son.
All over again.
Let's go home and see Sharley.
(dramatic orchestral music) - We want to thank Ed and Keenan Wynn and all the many fine members of tonight's exceptional cast for making The Man in the Funny Suit a very rare and very moving experience we will all remember.
Now, two weeks from tonight, we will join the Ricardos in their summer vacation where they will meet Ida Lupino and Howard Duff.
In a few minutes, I would like to show you a few scenes from that show, but right now, here's some very important words form Betty Furness and Westinghouse, ready? Now, here are some of the little problems that Lucy and I encounter when we take our summer vacation.
Watch.
I was invited by a friend of mine.
- We're going to Atlantic City.
- Great!- Swell! - Yeah, I was invited by an enemy of mine.
- Who? - Ethel Mertz.
(audience laughs) - Come on, honey.
Up you go.
Come on, up you go.
(Lucy groans) Come on, you gotta get up.
You going fishing with me, you gotta get up.
- Fishing? - Yeah! - What time is it? - Five o'clock.
- Five o'clock? Well you go wake up the fish.
(audience laughs) - Come on, honey, getup, it's five o'clock.
- Right, the cocktail hour.
(audience laughs) - Remember, that's two weeks from tonight for a full report on Lucy and Ricky's summer vacation.
Until then, goodnight.
(midtempo orchestral music) - [Announcer.]
Grateful acknowledgement is made to the people who played themselves.
And especially to our stars, Ed Wynn and Keenan Wynn.
The nation's number one health problem is mental illness.
It fills more beds than all of the diseases combined.
Scientific research, with your backing, can and must conquer mental illness next.
Support your bell ringer campaign for mental health.
Don't forget, two weeks from tonight, The Westinghouse, Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz show Lucy summer vacation, an encore presentation with special guest stars Ida Lupino and Howard Duff.
Westinghouse, first with the future presents the Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse.
Tonight's show, The Man in the Funny Suit.
Starring Ed Wynn and Keenan Wynn, with special guest appearances by Red Skelton and Rod Serling.
- Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
You have just seen the stars of tonight's Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse.
Now, you've heard about actors living their parts.
Well, in tonight's unusual story, Ed Wynn and his son, Keenan Wynn, will actually recreate a climax in their lives.
For this is a true story, and in it, several well-known people, including Red Skelton and Rod Serling, will recreate their roles in a love story between a father and a son that is stranger than fiction.
This is the way it happened.
- The program's gonna be different tonight.
(audience laughs and applauds) - Relax, Keeno, enjoy it.
- [Ed.]
I'll tell you what it's all about.
- It's gonna be the greatest tonight.
- It's to start a new motion picture that I've just written.
It has the most unusual title.
The title of it is, When You Were Eight and I Was Nine, and We Were 17.
(audience laughs) Oh, some of these jokes are even better than that, you know.
Now, for instance, this is the most-- - Hello, Keeno.
- Hey Joey, how are you? - I heard you were makin' a picture in Japan.
- I'll go tomorrow, I wouldn't miss this for anything.
Bob Mathias, Joey Faye.
- Hi Joey.
- Hello, Bob.
The old man bring along the 11-foot pole? - Yeah.
- And the piano bicycle? - Yeah.
Accordion typewriter.
(men chuckle) - Of course, I've written this picture for my son, Keenan.
For the benefit of those of you who do not know who Keenan is, I would like to say, that whenever you see an Esther Williams picture, and whenever Esther dives in the pool, my son Keenan's the one who gets splashed.
(audience laughs) - He's got those great ones.
- [Ed.]
A man named Mills, and my-- - Relax, Keenan, they're all professionals here tonight.
They came here to laugh.
- I know.
But they all know the jokes before he tells 'em.
- Great turnout, huh? - It's more like a wake.
- What do you mean? - Ed Wynn hasn't been able to buy a job for the last two years, and everyone here knows it.
Oh, Ed Wynn's son.
- And Abe and his sweetheart Anna, they talked things over.
And you actually see Abe and Anna slip out of the house.
(audience chuckles) Now, it's four o'clock in the morning-- - He's dyin' up there.
- Easy, Keenan, easy.
- Dawn is creeping over the fence.
Dawn is Anna's mother.
(audience groans) It's very interesting when you see Abe and Anna, they decide to get romantic, and they talk a walk down the Old Ox Road.
And Abe is filled with pride because Anna is the biggest ox on the road, you know.
So they decide to get married, and as they stand before the justice of the peace, the judge says, do you take this woman to be your wife? And he says, I do.
Judge says, that's funny, I would take her to be your mother.
(audience chuckles quietly) Some of these jokes are delightful, I think.
Anyhow, from here on-- - Say, Mr.
Wynn, do you still do magic? - Oh, that sounds like my son Keenan's voice.
You all know my son Keenan Wynn, he's made a big reputation as a legitimate actor.
I don't know what that makes me.
(audience laughs) - Uh, Mr.
Wynn, do you need an assistant? - Why young man, would you really assist me? - I would be happy to.
(audience applauds and cheers) Remember what's so funny about that routine? - Do I remember it, I wrote it.
Gentlemen, for the first time on any stage, Ed Wynn and his son Keenan.
(audience laughs) - Keenan and his father, Ed.
(audience cheers and applauds) - He's stealing my billing already, I never saw a straight man who wasn't crooked.
- May I be of some assistance to you, sir? - I wish you would, young man.
Have you a handkerchief? - Yes, as a matter of fact, I have.
- Well, that's very, very nice of you.
Would you lend it to me like this? - I certainly would.
- Have you a match? - As a matter of fact, I do.
There we are.
- Would you strike it please? - Indeed, I will.
- You wanted me to do magic? - That's correct.
- Now, would you just light that handkerchief.
- Light this handkerchief, eh? - That's right.
(audience laughs) Now, this is your handkerchief.
- That's correct, sir.
- Your match, you lit it.
Is that right?- That's right, sir.
- Now, do you mind stepping on that for me? (foot thuds)(audience chuckles) - That's the trick? - That's the hole trick.
(audience laughs and applauds) - What's so funny about that? - I don't know, but they're laughing, aren't they? Now, do you know, I noticed a spot on your necktie, there.
- Oh yes, it was a little heavy going out there tonight.
- Well, I have the greatest spot remover in the world.
- Is that right? - Yes, if you will close your eyes and count three, I will see that the spot is gone.
- Really? - [Ed.]
Yes, yes, yes.
- Well now, you be sure to let me know when to start counting.
- Yes, well, you may start counting now.
- Really?- Yeah.
(audience laughs)- One, two, three.
(woman laughs)- And finally, I had Kennan stripped to his shorts, while he kept saying, well what's funny about that? It was hilarious.
That place was in an uproar.
You never heard bigger laughs in your life.
- Oh, I wish I'd been there.
I must say, it's pretty chintzy of 'em not even to allow the daughter in law of the guest of honor.
- It was an event.
That's what they said it was, an event.
Keenan, you'll never know what it meant to me to have us be together for the first time on any stage.
Ed Wynn and his son, Keenan.
I always told you that we'd make a great team.
(somber orchestral music) - Think I'll get a little drink.
- I'll get it.
- [Keenan.]
No, no, no.
- You know, Sharley, I guess I have over 400 coats in storage, and at least 800 funny hats.
Now, there's no reason why Keenan shouldn't-- - Listen, Grandpa, can I get you a drink? - Oh no, no, you know me.
I don't drink very often.
And certainly I don't need one tonight.
- You sure? - Well.
- I'll get you one.
(somber orchestral music) How is it, really? - Tremendous, just like he said.
- But you've always refused to work with him before.
- Honey, tonight's his big night.
- All right, now, it might be the last one he ever has like this.
So come on, let's give him an audience, come on.
- One thing.
Now that I've worked with him this once, he's gonna want more.
He started on that act routine.
So honey, don't let him get started.
You know me, I'll get hot, and I'll say something that I'll be sorry for.
And I want tonight to be a wonderful page in his scrapbook.
But nothing more.
- I'm gonna miss you around here.
- Thank you, Sharley.
I've been working on a routine.
The two of us.
I'll be the fire chief, and here's the gimmick.
You can be the perfect fool.
- Say, that's the greatest act since Macy teamed up with Gimble.
- Oh, I'm serious.
We could try a couple of break-in dates.
- Oh no look, Pop, I don't think you understand.
You see, I don't wanna be known as Ed Wynn's son professionally.
I've worked 25 years to establish my own name, Keenan Wynn, actor.
- Oh, I'm not taking anything away from you.
I wanna give you something.
- Look, Pop, I'm an actor, not part of an act.
- What's wrong with the act? - Well, Pop, it's corny, it's dated.
The funny shoes, the funny hats, that's another era.
- No, if I believed that room was finished, there'd be nothing left for me but to die.
- [Keenan.]
Aw now look, Pop.
- No, no listen to me, Keenan, you have proved your point, haven't you? You made a great success as a dramatic actor.
But your forte is really comedy.
Now, that was proven tonight.
- Sure, I do comedy, Pop.
As an actor, I do comedy, drama, melodrama.
- Yeah well wait now, here me out.
A man builds an art, something of his own, and he wants to leave it to his son.
- Oh please, Pop, not tonight, huh? - Look here, for 50 years, I've been saving jokes and costumes and routines.
You're my only son, I want you to have them all.
You could be the perfect fool.
- I don't wanna be the perfect fool! Who needs a perfect fool? - Well, you heard that audience! - Yeah, you were dyin' up there! - Darling please, not tonight! - Yes, tonight.
He's big boy, now.
- [Ed.]
But Keenon! - Pop, it's not for me! The whistle blew on the fire chief.
The perfect fool is not a bicycle built for two.
- Don't you have to pack? - Look, Pop.
- Oh no, you were right, Keenan.
I'm a big boy, now.
- Pop, don't you understand? (gentle orchestral music) Today, no one is buyin' the man in the funny suit.
- Listen, Keenan's gonna be gone a couple of months on the new picture, and I'll be alone with the baby, so you'll come and see us, won't you, Grandpa? - Nobody ever saw me cry.
- Why? - Because, with my face, I'd look ridiculous.
(chuckles) - [Flight Announcer.]
Announcing the departure of flight 604, for Honolulu, Wake, Okinawa, and Tokyo.
Boarding at gate 23.
- You take care of yourself, now.
- You, too.
Goodbye, darling.
- Bye.
(coins clink) (rotary dial whirs) (phone rings) - Hello? - [Keenan.]
Hello, Pop? - Yes? - [Keenan.]
It's Keeno.
- Yes, Keenan? - I'm at the airport.
- [Ed.]
Oh? - Look, Pop, about last night.
- I understand.
- Pop, we're in two different worlds, don't you understand? We're 30 years apart.
- Keenan, what am I to do if you won't come in with me? What am I to do? - Why, uh, why don't you just retire? - Retire? Never.
I'd rather die on the stage with people laughing at me than I would in bed with my relatives crying over me.
- Well look, look Pop, you don't need the money.
Got all the glory.
Why don't you just quit? (dramatic orchestral music) Think about it, will you, Pop? Say, uh.
Drop in on Sharley every once in a while, will ya? - [Ed.]
Sure.
- So long, Pop.
- [Ed.]
So long, Keenan.
Have a good trip.
(sirens wail)(playful music) - [Man.]
And here he is now, the fire chief, Ed Wynn! (audience applauds) - The program's gonna be different tonight.
(chuckles) (audience laughs) I'm sorry, friend.
I'll stick to my horse.
So! (audience applauds) (gentle orchestral music) Me quit? No.
(dramatic orchestral music) (midtempo orchestral music) Now you see, then I'll ask you what is your name? And you'll say it's Isabel.
Then I'll say, Isabel necessary on a bicycle? (laughs) I tell you, they'll scream at it! (baby cries) Oh, you think it's corny, do you? Well, your father thinks it's corny, too.
- Some audience, huh? Oh, she's not doin' so well.
- No, I guess a little over-rehearsed, but it'll be all right.
I figure that we can open in Atlantic City in 18 years.
- (laughs) Ed Wynn and granddaughter.
- Oh yes, yes, I'll buy that.
How 'bout you? (baby coos) Say, do you know, if you were 50 years older, I'd marry you.
- Say you'll have to ask my father.
- Oh, he doesn't approve of me.
- Say, yes he does.
(baby babbles) - Oh, he doesn't think my prospects are any good at all.
- Say my father doesn't want anybody or anything to hurt you.
- Oh? - Mm-hm.
Sometimes it's a little difficult for a child to say what it feels, but he loves you, Grandpa.
- Thank you, Sharley, for trying.
(baby coos) See, she's a critic.
She says that this scene is too sentimental.
It's overly dramatic.
- It's her lunchtime.
(phone rings)I'll get her bottle.
- I'll answer that.
It's nice to hear a phone ring for a change.
Hello? - [Operator.]
Mr.
Wynn? - Yes? - One moment please, Mr.
Martin Manulis with the Playhouse 90th calling.
- Oh, I suppose you wanna speak to my son, Keenan.
- I have Mr.
Wynn on 31, Mr.
Manulis.
- [Martin.]
Put him on.
- Go ahead, please.
- I'll get right to the point.
We have a new script for Playhouse 90 by Rod Serling.
It's called Requiem for a Heavyweight, and there's a wonderful part of a fight manager, and Rod has specifically asked for you.
- [Ed.]
But, uh-- - Ralph Nelson's going to direct, and we'd all like very much to have you in the play.
Would you do it? - Oh, I guess you want my son, Keenan.
This is Ed Wynn.
- Oh, I'm sorry, Mr.
Wynn.
Is Keenan there? - No, he's in Japan finishing a picture.
He'll be back in a week, though.
- Mr.
Wynn, would you be interested in playing a dramatic part? - Me? You want me? - Well, I just had an idea.
There's a part of a great old trainer.
It'd be a natural for you.
His name is Army.
Would you be interested? - Well, I never said a straight line in my life.
- I think you'd be wonderful in that part.
And Keenan and you together'd make great publicity.
- Oh, I don't know that Keenan would want to.
- Mr.
Wynn, I'd like to send you the script to read to see what you think and if you'd like to play it.
And where can I reach Keenan in Japan? (midtempo orchestral music) - Anything in your plan, Mr.
Wynn? Oh! - How are you, darling? - Fine.
- How's the baby? - Fine.
- How's Pop?- Fine.
- Oh, good.
Porter.
- Yes, sir? - Would you get my bag for me please? Did you hear about Playhouse 90? - Yeah, the script is at the house.
- Who else is in it? - Well, Jack Powers, Kim Hunter, Maxie Rosenbloom, and wait till I tell you-- - Here you are, Porter, meet us at the main gate.
My name is-- - I know you.
- You do? - You're Ed Wynn's son.
(dramatic orchestral music) - Oh, yeah.
Oh yeah! - Good? - It's a blockbuster.
- Your part? - Great.
Every part in it is great.
There's a part in here I'd give my eye teeth to play.
Too young for it.
Part of the trainer called Army.
Wow.
You know, Army and I have a lot of scenes together.
Here, let me read you this one scene.
- Listen, darling, there's something you outta know.
(phone rings) - Hold on a minute.
Hello.
- [Ed.]
Hello? - Hey, Pop, how are you? - I gotta talk to you, Keenan.
We go into rehearsal tomorrow.
- Rehearsal? - Well, aren't you going in Requiem? - Sure.
- I'm in it, too.
(suspenseful orchestral music) - What part, Pop? - Army.
That's what concerns me.
I need your opinion.
- For sure, Pop, come on over we'll talk about it.
- [Ed.]
Goodbye.
- Yeah, bye.
(somber orchestral music) He's not ready to tackle a dramatic part that big.
It's too long.
You knew about this.
- Now, sit down and tell me all about Japan.
- Of course, I read it a half dozen times.
That's why I wanted to ask for your opinion.
- Well, I think it's real great that they offered this part to you, Pop, real great.
Of course, this is quite a departure for you, you know.
- It's an interesting idea to have me play a dramatic role, isn't it? - Oh of course, of course.
- And for the two of us to play together for the first time.
- Yes, Pop, but you see-- - I don't think I'm gonna do it.
- Hm? - Nah, part's too small.
- That's a great part, I wish I had it.
- Why Army isn't even in some of the scenes.
I don't have much to say.
I counted the speeches, they're only-- - Pop, look, it doesn't matter how much you have to say it's what you say.
- Well, that's the point.
I don't even have one laugh in the entire piece.
- This is a drama.
- But a laugh always helps.
You take the hotel scene, for example.
I could put a real belly laugh in there.
You take this, and--- Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop.
- [Ed.]
Huh? - Let's wait 'till tomorrow when the whole cast reads.
Let's hear how it sounds before you make any changes.
- Well, all right.
But if I consent to play in this, they must realize the audience expects Ed Wynn to make them laugh.
I'll have to tell jokes and maybe once or twice I'll put on a funny hat, you know, things like that.
Don't tell me, I know what the audience wants from me.
- So we feel with you all, we have a particularly distinguished cast, as well as featuring the dramatic debut of Ed Wynn.
(group applauds) If you don't know Rod Serling personally, you certainly know him by reputation, since he won last year's Emmy for his play Patterns.
Requiem represents a landmark.
It's the first original 90-minute play written especially for television.
Now, I'll turn you over to your director, Mr.
Ralph Nelson.
It's all yours, Ralph.
- Thank you, Martin.
All right, let's read.
Now, the first scene is in the underbelly of a fight arena.
Business, business, business, and then we cut to a shot of Army and Maish appearing at the far end of the corridor carrying Mountain from the ring, who leans heavily upon them.
Cue Maish.
- How is he? - This wasn't his night, that's for sure! (audience laughs) - Thanks, Ed.
We needed that laugh to relax everybody.
Okay, let's take it from the top.
Ed, of course, you know there's something in Maish's behavior that's bugging you.
Now, that's your spine in this scene, you got it? Okay, again.
- How is he? - This wasn't his night, that's for sure! - Hey, Mountain, can you hear me? Hey, give me that alum, will you? - I don't think alum will-- I don't think that alum'll do it, Maish.
I think that's gonna take stitches.
(dramatic orchestral music) - Wanna lodge a complaint? - What do you want with a wrestling promoter? - You got the longest nose in the business.
- Hey Maish, you stink! (chuckles) Oh, my goodness.
You stink.
- Let's break for coffee.
Take five everybody.
(Ed chuckles) - Mr.
Wynn, I saw you in Laugh Parade, and I love that show very much, and I remember one particular scene in a night club-- - [Ed.]
When was that? - Where you came out, and start tellin' all these-- - Whadya think? - Amateur night, I swear.
- Some actors start with wonderful readings and gradually get worse.
- Well, that's one thing in his favor, he couldn't possibly get any worse.
- Think positively, Ralph.
- Oh, let's face it, Marty, this isn't the way I wrote Army.
- Look, fellas, this I just the first reading.
- Rod's right.
- So we all make mistakes, but let's admit it while there's time to get another actor.
- Let's give it a few days.
- [Ralph.]
Again, from the top.
(group chatters) - Got a match? - You and a mouse, that's the match.
- No, Pop, that's where we cross to the table.
- Oh, yes, yes, yes, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Ralph.
- Keenan, can I see you for a second? - Yeah, yeah, sure.
- I got the cross right that time, didn't I? - Sure you did, Pop.
Look, concentrate on the lines, eh? - Well, all right.
- Keenan, when's the old man gonna get the script out of his hands? - Well, I know he's slow, but he'll learn it.
- And about the business, he doesn't remember a thing.
We've been at it for over a week now.
- He'll get it, don't worry.
- Okay, I'll take your word for it.
All right again, please, from the top, please.
(men chatter)Please, please.
Ed! - Wait, I'm tellin' the boys how I taught Will Rogers to talk.
You know, this, well you see here's what happened.
- Look, Pop! - Look, I'm telling them a story, Keenan, just a minute.
- Well, look Pop, we gotta rehearse.
- Well can't you wait just a minute while I finish the story? So, Will Rogers-- - I don't know about you, Pop, but I gotta rehearse, huh? Let's go.
- All right, places everybody, clear, come on, let's go.
- I'll tell you later, fellas.
- [Ralph.]
Go.
- Got a match? - You and a mouse, that's the match! (dramatic orchestral music) (fingers snap) - These guys play.
- Uh, let me start again, will you? Let me start again.
These guys play for real, Army.
I welch on them, you gonna be able to take a spoon scrape me off the wall and put up the cup.
- Who told you to bet? - [Woman.]
Who told me? - Who told me I had to eat? - Oh, sure Pop, give it to me again, will you? - What? - Cue, give me the cue.
Nevermind, nevermind.
Who told me I had to eat? - You picked the sport! - I'm sorry.
- [Ralph.]
Come on, Keenan, get with it huh, concentrate.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry I flapped.
- Oh no, no, I'm not worried Grandpa, no.
I just thought that when it got to be this late maybe he was with you.
- No, no I haven't seen him since we finished rehearsal.
You know, we didn't break till seven o'clock.
- How's it going? - [Ed.]
Just fine, but so much rehearsal.
It's two weeks already, we haven't even seen a camera.
- How's your part coming, Grandpa? - Fine.
This dramatic acting isn't tough.
- (chuckles) Oh, listen, Grandpa, I think I hear his car now, so goodbye.
(somber orchestral music) I was worried about you.
Is he any better? He thinks he's good.
Where you been, worrying about him? Is he that bad? - He's that bad.
Everybody knows it but him.
Before he knows it, I gotta get him out.
- Would it help if I tell you that I love you? - Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna go in there, what I'm gonna say to Rod and Martin and Ralph this isn't just another actor.
He's my father.
I wanna spare him this humiliation.
Ralph and Rod know how bad he is in this part, you don't know how bad, Martin.
I'm asking you to let him out of this play.
- Keenan, how can I fire Ed Wynn? Oh, I know he needs a lot of special attention-- - This is no acting school, this is the big leagues.
- In this play, he's got to make them cry.
- And every trick and mannerism of his belongs to comedy.
- Martin, there's barely time to get a replacement.
We go camera in three days.
- Rod has every right to worry about his play.
Ralph has two dozen other actors to worry about.
But I'm worried about my old man.
- All right, show me a scene.
I'll come down at the lunch break.
- What do you want with a wrestling promoter? - You've got the longest nose in the business.
- Hey Maish, you stink! (chuckles) - Wanna know who owes who? - It ain't bad enough that I have to watch him go down all these years, now you want me in the pit! I gotta officiate at the burial.
- All right, so weep for him, so rip your clothes a little.
You could starve, wise guy.
- Hey! This is a slob to you, Maish? This is a hunk? I'll tell you what he is.
He's a decent man.
- All right, I've seen enough.
- Oh, there's more.
- No, no, no more.
I'm satisfied.
It's beautiful, you liked it.
Mr.
Wynn, I wanted to you from the beginning.
Now that I've seen your play, I'd get down on my hands and knees and beg you to stay.
- I missed a couple of cues, you know.
- You were magnificent.
You're gonna steal all the notices.
Now, I gotta run, you better get something to eat, you're gonna need your strength.
- Martin, hold it.
Listen, did you hear the scene that I just heard? - Are you out of your ever-loving mind? - Look Martin, how do you think a Requiem gets written? Do you think somebody raises a thermometer and the words just flow out like perspiration? Well, it's not that simple, it's rough, it's back-breaking, and you're not paying for this script, you're stealing it.
- Now listen, this man has been on the stage longer than the sum total of our professional lives.
- Is that a reason to keep him in the cast? - Are we gonna be the punk kids who fire 50 years of show business? - Martin, this show is not on film, it's live.
One time only, there's no protection! - And if he stinks, 30 million people are gonna smell him.
- Well you worry about them.
I worried about my old man.
- All right, it's a gamble, sure.
We're gambling that 50 years of grease paint, and trouping and headlining will pay off when we go on the air.
- All right, Martin, have your fun, roll the dice with Martin Manulis, but I just crapped out.
Take my name off the script.
You keep the old man, you lose me.
- He goes on.
The show's been advertised as the first public appearance of Keenan and Ed Wynn, and he stays.
(dramatic orchestral music) - I don't know about you, Keenan, but I have to rehearse.
Let's go.
(midtempo orchestral music) - But you understand, I can't play it like Ed Wynn.
Oh of course, we don't want that.
We just want the part well-covered.
Now play Army as Ned Glass would play Army.
- It's the only way I could get Rod to stay with us for rewrites.
- An understudy for Ed Wynn, huh? - Ned Glass is a very good actor on his own.
And I had to promise Rod protection.
- There's no time to break in an understudy.
- Keenan, I doubt that we'll ever need him.
I have faith in your father.
If there's any chance of his blowing the show or hurting himself, then Ned'll be ready to take over for him.
This is just an insurance policy.
That makes sense, doesn't it? - What insurance do you have against breaking my old man's heart, Martin? - Nobody in this room can say anything about this outside.
We all understand that.
If Ed ever found out about it, it'd just about kill him.
And meanwhile, we've got to break our necks to help the old man give a performance.
- Keenan, you and I are gonna have to put in a lot of overtime.
First there's his lisp.
Rod, would you go through a script and cut out every s sound that you can? - Right, Ralph.
- He can't stop his hands from fluttering.
Get me boxing gloves, playing cards, a dozen hand props to nail 'em down.
- And drill those lines so he can recite them sideways.
- You do all that, and his voice still cracks and his head shakes, and what about his giggle? - Well, that one's got me stumped.
- We've got three days before we go on camera.
- It's impossible.
- Nothing's impossible.
Some things are just a little less possible than others.
- All I can say for you pal is good luck.
- [Ralph.]
Again.
- You wanna lodge a complaint? - Whadya want with a wresting promoter? - You got the longest nose in the business.
- Hey Maish, you stink.
(giggles) Oh my god.
- Aw come on, Pop.
You're not supposed to laugh there.
- I can't help it.
- It's a critical scene.
Pop, it's not funny, come on.
- I'm sorry, but when you say that, I can't say, hey Maish, you stink! I can't say it.
(laughs) - Just forget I'm Keenan, will you? All right, come on-- - All right, I'll try.
I'll try.
(laughs) - Come on, now.
- What do you want with a wrestling promoter? - You got the longest nose in the business.
- Hey Maish, you.
(laughs) - [Keenan.]
Aw come on, will you, Pop? I'm not Keenan, I'm Maish! - Listen, I'm trying to.
- You gotta take it seriously.
Come on, everybody's breakin' their necks around here.
- Hold it, hold it, hold it.
I've got an idea, relax, Ed.
- [Ed.]
I'm sorry.
(laughs) - Listen, how about you going home and working on your own part for a change? - Oh now wait a minute, what about Pop? - I know, but you've been worrying so much about his performance, you haven't had a chance to think about your own.
Now go on, I'll let him laugh it out, go ahead.
- Hey Pop, I'll see you in the morning, eh? - Hey Maish, you.
(laughs) I can't.
(dramatic orchestral music) This is a slob to you, Maish? This is a hunk? I'll tell you what he is, this boy.
He's a decent man, is what he is.
This is somebody, flesh and blood.
You can't sell this down the market by the pound! If you do, Maish, I'll tell you, I'll.
(laughs) So funny to me, there.
You know if Mr.
Ziegfeld could see me now, he's just drop dead.
- Where it to all rehearsals from now on, it'll get to feel like your own, and help you play the part.
- Oh, I thought we were through rehearsing.
Why, Keenan said he was going home just to relax for a change.
- No, Pop.
Now we got three days for scenery, props, lights, cameras.
- We never worked that hard in the theater, and we'd run for two years.
- Yep, when I was in the ring, I didn't even rehearse! I would just lie down on the job.
- We're through for the day, eh? - Yeah.
Early call tomorrow, eight o'clock on the set.
- I forgot my script in the rehearsal hall.
See you tomorrow, Maxie.
- So long, champ.
- [Ned.]
You and a mouse, that's a match.
- [Keenan.]
Now listen, Army these guys play for real.
I welch on them, you can take a spoon and scrape a scoop of me off the wall and put me in a cup! - [Ned.]
Who told you to bet? - [Keenan.]
Who told me I had to eat? - [Ralph.]
That's good, Ned.
Now give it a little more bite.
Remember, make Army challenge Maish all throughout the scene.
Let that carry you.
All right, again, from the top.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- [Keenan.]
Got a match? - [Ned.]
You and a mouse, that's a match.
- [Keenan.]
Now listen Army, these guys play for real.
I welch on them, you could take a spoon and scrape a scoop of me off the wall and put it in a cup.
- [Ned.]
Who told you to bet? - [Ralph.]
He's taking up fast.
Ned's a very solid actor.
- [Rod.]
What a spot to be in.
The only understudy in the history of live television.
How's the old man doing? - [Ralph.]
Mechanical.
He could blow the show at any scene.
But if anything should happen, at least Keenan won't have to be ashamed for his old man.
(dramatic orchestral music) (actors chatter) - [Martin.]
I'd get down on my hands and knees and beg you to stay.
You're gonna be great.
- [Keenan.]
Why don't you just retire, Pop? - [Ed.]
For the first time on any stage, Ed Wynn and son.
(audience applauds) - [Keenan.]
I don't wanna be the perfect fool.
Who needs the perfect fool? - [Rod.]
The only understudy in the history of live television.
- [Ralph.]
At least Keenan won't have to be ashamed for his old man.
(midtempo orchestral music) - [Announcer.]
90 cast on stage 31 immediately for cameral rehearsal.
- He's not out by the coffee wagon.
- He's not in his dressing room.
- Maybe he went to hake his bath.
- Cover for me, will you, Sam? - Oh how can I, he's in the first shot.
You too, come on, let's go.
- [Man.]
Cameras please.
Cast in opening positions, opening positions.
- All right, Drew.
Keep that mic on me will you, Drew? We're gonna open up on camera two.
All right, boom down, shoot straight up the corridor, clear the crowd, clear the crowd, mark the cut.
Tommy, I want it low key in the corridor, it's too hot in there now.
All right, crowd is cleared, cue the principals.
Keenan, where's Pop? - I don't know.
I just checked, he hadn't been in the apartment all night.
- Uh, get the understudy out here, Gus, we'll have him standby for Army for now.
All right, again, from the top, please, let's go.
- Hey Sal, you don't drink your coffee black.
- I don't even drink coffee.
This is a little chewy, the way I like it you know.
- We'll be ready with the cameras in a little bit.
- Okay, Seymour.
- Hey Army, you're stinkin'! (laughs) (playful orchestral music) - Here's some more coffee, Ed.
- Red, I'm plastered.
I've never been plastered in my whole life before.
- Well don't tell anyone, they'll never know the difference.
- Are you ashamed of me? - No.
- Everybody's ashamed of me.
- No, they're not either, they're proud of you.
- I'm ashamed of myself.
(laughs) You're drunk, you know.
- [Announcer.]
Ed Wynn, wanted on stage immediately.
- Now you drink the coffee now, Ed.
- All right, get the close up of him here.
Mark it.
Okay.
- There's Pop.
Where have you been? - Oh, Ed and I are working up a routine about two drunks.
One says to the other.
- I'm drunk.
- [Red.]
Yeah, and then I say-- - Keenan, run over the first act positions with him, will you? Show him the changes, and I'll set it up from the top for timing.
- Was drunk last, when I was drunk when I performed, I'm gonna get drunk tonight.
- Listen, Pop, listen Pop-- - Oh, excuse me.
- Who's that? - That's just a visitor, Pop.
- He had on my costume.
- Well, he was just turning in until you got here.
- Let's do Flugen Street Red.
- Oh, gee.
(laughs) - Woo, woo, woo! - Pop, now Pop, don't blow it now, not after all this work.
- You see, we have to get in the mood.
That's the difference between us, Red, and these dramatic actors.
They have to get in the mood, you know.
- [Ralph.]
Opening positions, first act.
Run it straight through, cast.
It's important we get the exact time.
- Sounds like doomsday.
(Red laughs) - Come on, Pop, come on, huh? - Shh.
Red, I'll see you.
- Okay cast, we'll run the first act from the principals' entrance.
It's important for positions and timing.
Now standby.
Crowd noise, bring the crowd noise down.
Empty the corridor, cue the principals.
Stadium? - Oh, I forgot the gloves, Ralph.
I'm sorry, I forgot the gloves.
- Tell him to keep going, we're trying to get a time.
(dramatic orchestral music) No Ed, the other side of the table, remember? - Oh, I'm sorry, Ralph.
- [Ralph.]
No, Army.
Army! Ed! - [Ed.]
Was I supposed to leave the door open or not? I forgot.
- [Ralph.]
Open, open.
- [Ed.]
I'm sorry.
- It's no use going on.
Lunch, back on stage in one hour, promptly please.
- Ralph, do you wanna go over my notes, now? - What's the use of notes? - So we bottle-feed him through acting lessons, can't he at least show up on time? Can't he remember anything? What's his dressing room number? - Ralph.
Remember, he's an old man, he's been through a tough time.
- Let's drop the sentimental grand old man of the theater junk.
He blew a rehearsal, I'm gonna make him remember his next 50 years in show business.
- You having fun? - Say, I've been watching the show.
So far, it's gonna be great.
- Aw, thanks Red.
- And Ed Wynn, boy.
Who'd ever think you could get a performance out of an old clown like that? Might be a chance for me yet, huh? Ralph, I know what you're gonna do, but don't do it.
- Why not? I've got a great show riding on a used up comic who strolls in drunk an hour late and doesn't remember three weeks of labor pains, he's got it coming to him.
- Wait up, Ralph.
Ralph, can I ask you something? Are you too old to learn or too young? Do you know what time the old man got in here this morning? 6:30, I checked with the guard, I know.
And you know why? - Save it for the old actor's home.
- In the first time his entire career, he was so frightened that he went out and got potted.
But he's here, isn't he? Not because he's frightened to death, not because he's laying his life on the line, but because there was a rehearsal.
Now you go in there and tell him off.
- Now Ed, I saved this exit to last because it's the most important single moment that you have.
Now tomorrow, we go on the air.
I'll see you at the dress rehearsal sober.
He's all yours, Keenan.
- Keenan, Ralph says that there's no audience.
- No.
- Well, how do you dramatic people tell audience reaction without an audience? - When you forget about the stagehands and the cameras and the lights and everything, and you look at me, and you forget I'm your son, and you spit in my eye because that's the way Army feels about Maish, when you stop doing make-believe, you do it for real, and you don't need audience reaction.
If you feel here and here, well it's true.
Come on, let's rehearse that exit again, huh? - All right, everybody keep up the pace, now keep it moving.
All right, now this is it, this is for air, this is for the money.
Good luck everybody.
Hey, by the way--- Ralph, whadya think? - You saw the dress rehearsal, it was a sham.
And that hotel scene, he won't stop laughing.
- Ralph, think positively.
- First act position, Mr.
Wynn.
- Mm-hm.
- And good luck, sir.
- Thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Good luck to you, sir, how do you do? - Good luck, Ed.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Good luck, Ed.
- Thanks, the same to you, Maxie.
- Good luck, Mr.
Wynn.
- Good luck to you, too.
- [Announcer.]
Live from Hollywood, Playhouse 90.
- Pop, good luck.
- Yeah, you too, Keenan.
Fade the crowd noise.
Cue the fighter, Keenan and Ed.
And everybody cross your fingers and pray.
(midtempo orchestral music) - Take two.
- Ready four.
- [Ed.]
I think that's where we goofed.
As long as they wear trunks and gloves, we think they're kids.
They're old men.
- [Keenan.]
They're the oldest.
I'll see you later, Army.
- Pan Maish.
Well, he made the first scene.
Bring music up, dissolve to four and cue Maish.
- [Keenan.]
You got a match? - [Ed.]
You and a mouse, that's the match.
- [Keenan.]
He says to me, what am I gonna do, he says to me, what am I, the encyclopedia? - [Ed.]
Well, you hear me out, Maish.
I'm telling you I love this guy like he was of my flesh, and I figure if I don't watch out for him, a week from now, nobody else will, least of all you for some reason.
So be careful, Maish.
That's what I'm tellin' you now, be careful.
(dramatic orchestral music) - Back, music, announce.
- [Announcer.]
We will return in a moment.
- Change for act, second act.
- [Announcer.]
For the second act of Playhouse 90.
But first-- - Come on, Pop, we got a fast change.
- Pop? I'm Army, and I hate Maish's guts.
- Dissolve to three, cue Mountain, check Ed in place.
- [Ed.]
This place is official, Mountain.
They're here just to get people jobs.
People like you that can't find 'em easy on their own.
- [Man.]
Act three, places please, hotel scene, 15 seconds.
- [Announcer.]
And now, act three of Requiem for a Heavyweight.
Tonight's original drama, written especially for Playhouse 90.
- So whadya want already? - Here it is.
- The hotel scene.
- Think positively.
- If he just gets that exit.
- Maybe I'll have a nice long shotgun.
Maybe a little pig under the arm, eh? And then you'll have the job, drink a little booze.
(phone rings) Hello? Oh yeah, well when he gets in, tell him I wanna talk to him will ya? No, I can't talk to you, I wanna talk to Parally himself.
Thanks.
Wanna lodge a complaint? - Whadya want with a wrestling promoter? - [Keenan.]
You have the longest nose in the business.
- Hey, Maish.
You stink.
- You wanna know who owes who? - It ain't enough I gotta watch Mountain go down all these years.
Now you want me in the pit.
I got officiated to bury him.
- All right, so weep for him, so rip your clothes.
I'll have a full gut to show for it.
You can starve, wise guy.
- Hey.
This is a slob to you, Maish? This is a hunk? I'll tell you what he is, Maish, this boy.
He's a decent man.
He's somebody, he's flesh and blood.
And you can't sell this on the market by the pound.
- 'Cause if you do, Maish, you'll rot in hell for it.
Understand me, Maish, you'll rot! - Hey Army, you'll be there tonight, huh? - Of course I'll be there.
He'd do it for you even if I wasn't there, so I'll be there.
(somber orchestral music) Why is it, Maish? Tell me, why is it so many people have to feed off one guy's misery? Tell me, Maish, doesn't it make you wanna die? - Let's go, Keenan.
Let's go, Keenan, final bar room scene.
- Is it all right? (dramatic orchestral music) Did I do okay? Hey tell me, was it, did I? I didn't leave anything out, did I? Listen, I tried, I tried so hard.
I promise, I tried so hard.
- He throws a left hook, I duck.
- Honest, I tried so hard.
(sobs) - [Mountain.]
And I ducked again.
And then he jabs me again.
- [Man.]
And then you duck.
- [Mountain.]
I don't duck.
I get it right on my chin I go down, oh boy am I down, I was out, too, I was hurt.
But I got up like a human being.
- All right, we're not off the air yet.
Cue announce.
- [Announce.]
You have just seen Requiem for a Heavyweight by Rod Serling.
- Stop spinning!- Why, I'm having fun! - A call for you, Ralph.
- Later, later.
- Hi, hi.
- Ralph, it was a tough fight, but you won.
- Oh Maxie, you were great.
Ah fellas, you were all marvelous.
Great job, great job, where's the old man? - Well, did I? (Ralph chuckles) - You were great, really great! - Wonderful, man you were great! (men chatter) - Pardon, pardon me, sir.
Pardon me, I beg your pardon.
Pardon me, pardon me.
Pardon me.
- Keenan, was I all right? I didn't want you to be ashamed of me.
- How could I be ashamed of you? I'm Ed Wynn's son.
- After 25 years? - Ed Wynn's son.
All over again.
Let's go home and see Sharley.
(dramatic orchestral music) - We want to thank Ed and Keenan Wynn and all the many fine members of tonight's exceptional cast for making The Man in the Funny Suit a very rare and very moving experience we will all remember.
Now, two weeks from tonight, we will join the Ricardos in their summer vacation where they will meet Ida Lupino and Howard Duff.
In a few minutes, I would like to show you a few scenes from that show, but right now, here's some very important words form Betty Furness and Westinghouse, ready? Now, here are some of the little problems that Lucy and I encounter when we take our summer vacation.
Watch.
I was invited by a friend of mine.
- We're going to Atlantic City.
- Great!- Swell! - Yeah, I was invited by an enemy of mine.
- Who? - Ethel Mertz.
(audience laughs) - Come on, honey.
Up you go.
Come on, up you go.
(Lucy groans) Come on, you gotta get up.
You going fishing with me, you gotta get up.
- Fishing? - Yeah! - What time is it? - Five o'clock.
- Five o'clock? Well you go wake up the fish.
(audience laughs) - Come on, honey, getup, it's five o'clock.
- Right, the cocktail hour.
(audience laughs) - Remember, that's two weeks from tonight for a full report on Lucy and Ricky's summer vacation.
Until then, goodnight.
(midtempo orchestral music) - [Announcer.]
Grateful acknowledgement is made to the people who played themselves.
And especially to our stars, Ed Wynn and Keenan Wynn.
The nation's number one health problem is mental illness.
It fills more beds than all of the diseases combined.
Scientific research, with your backing, can and must conquer mental illness next.
Support your bell ringer campaign for mental health.
Don't forget, two weeks from tonight, The Westinghouse, Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz show Lucy summer vacation, an encore presentation with special guest stars Ida Lupino and Howard Duff.