What I Like About You (2002) s01e07 Episode Script
Tankini
Thanks for letting me do my laundry with yours.
You're welcome.
It would be so cool if I had a maid to do this stuff for me.
Come home from a long day's work, open the door, there she is -- my maid.
I'm not gonna put that costume on again.
It would also be cool if I had my own Catwoman.
Hey, this isn't mine.
Oh, no, that's mine.
I like to sleep in it when it's cold.
It's so warm and cozy.
It's kind of big, isn't it? Yeah.
It used to belong to an old boyfriend -- Steve.
Oh.
Steve.
I don't remember you mentioning that one.
[ Boston accent .]
So, was big Steve a big Harvard football fan? Big Harvard football player.
Really? Great.
You know, Harvard's really never had a good football team.
I know, but he only ended up playing there for a couple of years, anyway.
Ouch! Cut from Harvard.
Whoo! That's embarrassing.
No, he wasn't cut.
He quit.
He went to England on a Rhodes scholarship.
Couldn't afford to pay his own way, huh? Loser! - Hey! - Hey! Holly, look who called for you.
Oh, my God! - I know.
- Oh, this is so cool! I know! - What's going on? - I don't know! Samantha Grey is moving to New York.
Who's Samantha Grey? Only my number-one best friend in the entire world.
Holly.
She's still mad because I told her the whole moon landing thing was fake.
See, some people choose to live in a fantasy world.
Not me.
In junior high, Sam and I did everything together.
We were inseparable.
We used to call ourselves the Three Musketeers.
- Who was the third? - Oh, Angela Simpson, but she left us for another clique.
Like who, the Fab Four? The Magnificent Seven? Mm, no.
The Hare Krishnas.
Sometimes I see her at the airport.
Hey, now that Samantha's here, you should be the new Angela.
Ooh, finally in a girl clique.
Now I get to see what happens at those slumber parties after the pillow fights stop.
Somebody gets asthma and goes home early.
Is she wearing little jammies? Hey! Uh-huh What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you Hey! Where's Samantha? The Knicks game starts in a half an hour.
Oh, she's always late.
It's kind of her thing.
Well, it's bobblehead night at the Garden, and useless free stuff is kind of my thing.
[ knock on door .]
Ooh, she's here.
Let the fun begin.
Do we have time for a quick fight before the game? Cut it out.
- Holly! - Sammy! - Holly! - Sammy! Oh, my God, I am so glad you're here! How are you? How was the flight? The airport was a nightmare, but I saw Angela.
She told me to tell you "hi" and to give you one of these.
Sam, Gary.
Gary, Sam.
Hey, how you doing? Fine.
Oh, you are not gonna believe what I found when I was packing.
- You're gonna love this.
- What is it? Oh, my God! It's us at Sarah Wilson's party! - Look at those outfits.
- Man, the '90s really sucked.
Hey, Gary, look.
Can you believe we actually wore that? Wow, man.
What is up with that? Pants.
Shirt.
Hair.
I don't get it.
You guys look fine.
Hey, you heard what happened to Sarah, right? - Oh, I know.
- With the -- - And the -- - Unbelievable.
- What? - And now she's -- - I heard.
- Well, after that, what do you expect? Seriously, what are we talking about? He probably wouldn't get it.
No [ Both .]
: But Joey Butler would! Your hair is so -- Isn't it? I did it to make my face -- It totally does.
Hey, you guys, remember the time you showed me the picture of the two of you at a party, and I didn't really know what to say about your clothes? That was fun, huh? Ha ha ha ha ha.
I guess you had to be there.
Hey, I got your message.
What's up? Oh, hey.
I got a little something for you.
- Yeah? - I was so excited, I didn't want to wait.
Oh! How sweet! Now we're gonna be twins.
You and Holly? No, me and Nana.
But thank you.
I thought you'd like it.
Oh, I do.
It matches my sleeping bonnet.
I just hope the town elders will approve.
Look, I just thought it was something warm and cozy for you to sleep in.
Oh, I get it.
This is about my Harvard sweatshirt.
Can't a guy buy his girlfriend flame-retardant sleepwear without it being about something? Jeez! I appreciate the gesture.
It's just I like my sweatshirt.
But it's nice to have options.
Oh.
Funny you should mention that.
May I introduce you to option number two? Do not tell me Nana has that one, too.
Man, that was the most exciting Knicks game I've ever been to.
I know.
I mean, Spike Lee, Chris Rock, Ben Affleck.
Yeah.
I just hope you weren't distracted by all those tall guys trying to put the ball in the "round thingy.
" Are you still pouting? I'm not pouting.
Why does she get to have two bobbleheads, and I get squat? I told you the extra one was for my brother.
But you took the last two, and you said your brother's a colonel in the army.
Yeah, and I suppose someone who's willing to fight for their country doesn't deserve a bobblehead? Gary, let it go.
The Knicks won, and you finally got on the Jumbotron.
For about a half a second, till they cut away to that stupid baby.
Because you looked terrified.
It's the Jumbotron, all right? There's a lot of pressure.
Look, guys, let's focus on the good times, all right? Remember? We all had nachos.
With cheese! I do like liquid cheese.
Listen, guys, I better get going.
Oh, hey, Gary and I are going to the movies tomorrow, so you have to come.
Oh, I don't know if I can.
I have to unpack and -- Oh, well.
Some other time.
Bye now.
Be safe.
Sleep tight.
Come on, it's your first movie in New York.
Where else can you pay $14 a ticket for a broken seat? Now who could say no to that? - I'll see you tomorrow.
- Bye.
I can't believe we're back together again.
- We're gonna have to hang out all the time.
- Yes.
Give me a bobblehead.
No.
Why did you invite her to the movies? What are you talking about? It'll be awesome.
Well, it'll be awesome without me, 'cause I'm not going.
You can't do that.
She's going to think you don't like her.
And she'd be right.
How can you say that? Sammy's the best.
She showed up late, which is disrespectful, she talked through the whole game, which is rude, and she laughed in my face when I told her about the moon landing, which is -- Stupid, Gary.
It's just stupid.
Fine.
Take her side.
I'm not taking anyone's side! [ sighs .]
I was afraid this was going to happen.
What? You don't like hanging out with us because you feel like the third wheel.
I don't feel like the third wheel.
I just think the second wheel sucks.
Look, just give her a chance.
I promise you, once you get to know her, you will love her.
I don't know.
That's what my dad said when he brought home new mommy.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You look cute.
- Thanks.
Where you headed? To hang out with my two best friends who hate each other.
We're gonna see a movie, eat some popcorn.
Oh, did I mention hate each other? You know, I had a situation like this once in college.
I was very close with my roommate, and then I met this other girl down the hall, and the two of them couldn't stand each other.
Oh? How'd you work it out? Well, turns out they were both insane.
I had to switch dorms.
Twice.
But, hey, good luck with your thing.
I'm just gonna have to sit between Sam and Gary during the movie.
Otherwise, things could get messy.
Too late.
Oh, you guys totally had me going! I totally bought it.
The doors opened, you were all making out, and I was like, whoa! Hey, look, it's happening again.
Ha ha ha.
I don't get it.
Last night you couldn't stop fighting, and now you can't stop kissing.
Stop kissing! What happened? Well, right after I left, I ran into Sam on the subway.
The car was really crowded.
And all of a sudden, it kind of jerked, and we fell down, and I was like, "Get off of me!" And I was like, "You get off of me!" And then we both kind of looked at each other and -- You know that thing where one minute you're on a subway arguing with this guy, and then the next minute you're lying on the floor making out with him? Sure.
It's why I don't take cabs.
It was very romantic.
Yeah.
I think it would make a great movie.
I picture J-Lo as Samantha and Sir Anthony Hopkins as me.
I mean, he'd have to drop a few lbs, but we're not gonna start shooting for at least a year, huh? So, you two together, huh? I don't really know what to say.
And, luckily, it just doesn't matter.
Ah, so, I heard the movie's really great.
Ending's supposed to be really cool.
It's gonna be showing that way.
Oh, my God, the guy in the hat.
That's just like -- - In the -- - Except he's more -- Totally.
What are you guys talking about? She probably wouldn't get it.
Nah.
[ Both .]
: But Carson Daly would! You've already got inside jokes? And you know Carson Daly? Hey, I'll be back in a sec.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Sit down, sit down.
I'll get it.
What do you need? To use the bathroom.
Hey, if I could, I would.
I'll miss you.
But not too much.
I'm not high maintenance.
But could you get me a Coke, half diet, half regular, with just a little bit of ice? You know how I like it, baby.
All right.
Ha ha ha ha.
She's not coming back, is she? So, this is really serious, huh? Yeah.
Hey, and thank you so much.
This never would have happened if you hadn't told me to give her a chance.
I can't even remember what life was like without her.
Can you remember yesterday? That woman is like adrenaline.
I only slept 12 hours last night.
I feel like a kid again! So you really like her, huh? Oh, yeah.
Hey, should I get her a giant box of Milk Duds and surprise her outside the bathroom? Definitely.
Girls go ape for giant candy.
Third wheel? Me too.
That's a good way to lose a finger.
What is this? Go ahead.
Have a look.
I was going through my closet today, and I found something you might like.
Ha ha.
Oh, isn't it great? [ as Mr.
T .]
"I pity the fool!" Yeah.
I don't know why people ever quit saying that.
Well, you know, since you like to sleep in a sweatshirt, I thought maybe you'd like this old broken-in cozy thing.
Mmm.
[ as Mr.
T .]
Pleasant dreams, fool! Oh, okay, sweetie, I get it.
You don't have to bring me any more sleepwear.
You're jealous of the Harvard sweatshirt.
I'm not jealous.
Good, because it has no sentimental value.
I mean, I don't even remember what the guy looked like, okay? Okay.
Please don't wear it.
I'm jealous.
I'm glad you told me.
That's all you had to say.
If it makes you uncomfortable, I won't wear it.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
What? Nothing.
What is it? [ giggling .]
It's just kind of funny that you're intimidated by a sweatshirt.
I'm not intimidated.
I'm jealous.
I know, I know, and that's kind of funny, right? Funny how? Like funny stupid? No, like funny silly.
Like, you're a big silly.
I mean, it's a sweatshirt.
Uh-huh.
Okay, great.
I'm a big silly.
Well, big silly's got some produce to sign for.
Jeff, come on.
[ as Mr.
T .]
Don't be jealous of a sweatshirt, fool! Ahh.
See? Neil Armstrong.
On the moon.
Are you calling Colonel Neil Armstrong a liar? Nope.
I'm calling him an actor.
Hey, I gotta get going.
I told Sam to meet us around 7:00.
Is that cool with you? Uh, actually I was thinking maybe you guys should go without me.
Without you? Why? Uh, so this way you could skip the ignoring me thing and go straight to the making out in public thing.
This is about me and Sam, isn't it? Look, I thought the three of us hanging out together was going to be a lot of fun, but it's torture.
Oh, oh, I get it.
When hanging out with Sam wasn't fun for me, I had to give it a chance.
And now that it's not fun for you, you just can't deal.
That's totally different.
How would you like it if me and Sam were making out all the time? Well -- You know what I mean.
It's different because you're a couple.
I know when you guys were hanging out and talking about old times, you might as well have been a couple.
The only difference is, now you're the squeaky wheel.
I think you mean third wheel.
Whatever wheel.
You don't want me to be happy.
You're just like new mommy.
What was that about? Me and Gary are just -- Don't bother.
I was eavesdropping.
Isn't he being ridiculous? Actually, I think he's right.
Excuse me, could you take the knife out of my back? Do you want me to tell you what I think? Are you about to agree with me? - No.
- Then no.
Tough.
They're your friends.
If they're happy, you should be happy, too.
When they kiss, it sounds like someone eating a sandwich.
You should support them.
Egg salad.
They're worth it.
With too much mayo.
Oh, for God's sake, just get new friends.
[ giggling .]
Oh, hey.
Hey.
Is Gary here yet? No, but look -- slight change of plans.
I just met these two guys, and they want us to go to Webster Hall to see their band.
Oh, all right.
As soon as Gary gets here, we'll go.
Yeah, like I said, slight change of plans.
Wait.
You're ditching Gary? Well, it would be kind of weird if he's here while I'm trying to hook up with one of these guys.
I can't believe you.
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't worry.
You can totally have the one I don't want.
Let me guess which one.
W-wait.
What about Gary? I thought you two were together.
Look, over the course of a relationship, things change.
we're just not the same people we were.
Yesterday? Look, you can't do this to him.
He is my friend.
I know, and he's cute and all, but after a while, he kind of gets on your nerves.
You know what I'm talking about.
No, I don't.
He is an amazing guy.
He is loyal, he's smart, he's funny.
He thinks the pyramids are spaceships.
He's killing me.
Look, you are making a really big mistake here.
We got to get to the club.
We only get to play for five minutes.
- Are you coming? - No! Hey, you wanna share a cab? Oh, no, I'm not going.
Then can I just have the cash? Hey, sweetie.
Hey.
How was your day? Oh, it was good.
We got some new linen at the restaurant, and -- Is it hot in here? I don't think so.
Hmm.
I'm dying.
Take off your sweater.
Okay.
II pray you're not wearing a matching thong.
What? Oh, this? Oh, it used to belong to an old girlfriend.
I just wear it 'cause it's really soft and comfortable.
Jeff -- Oh, no, no, don't worry about it.
There's no sentimental value.
I don't want you to be jealous, 'cause then you'd be a big silly.
Okay, II understand.
Now could you go change? 'Cause it's very difficult for me to look at you with that thing on.
Ah, see? So you admit it.
It gets to you.
Yeah.
That gets to me.
Then say it.
I'm not a big silly.
You're not a big silly.
Thank you.
All I wanted was my dignity back.
I'm very sorry if I was insensitive to you.
It's okay.
I know it seems crazy to act jealous over a sweatshirt, and I know you've had boyfriends before.
When I think about you with other guys, I don't know You will never see that sweatshirt again.
And as disturbing and twisted as this little joke was -- and it was a joke, right? Okay.
Um, it reminds me of what is so great about you.
Remind me.
You're fun.
And unpredictable.
You have an eye for cute tops.
And you make me feel like the most important person in the world.
You are.
And now I know why you say pretty clothes make you feel pretty.
Well, you do have nice boobs.
[ laughs .]
Oh, hey, Gary.
Hey.
Listen, um, I'm really sorry about -- Me too.
And I've been thinking about what you said, and now that Sam and I are together, I really don't want you to feel left out.
Ooh.
Gary -- Shh.
It's okay.
There will always be space for you in our lives.
Yeah, let me just say -- And one of these days, you'll find someone special, too.
But first you got to feel good in here.
She's not coming.
I'm sorry.
What's that? Samantha met some guys, and they're going out tonight without you.
Well, are they gay guys? They're band guys.
Marching band? No.
I'm sorry, Gary.
She did not run off with a gay marching band.
Man, I'm such an idiot.
No, look, it's not you.
It's her.
Holly, she was so cute and easy.
Look, I promise, you can do better than her.
You're better off without her.
I know I am.
Really? I only need one best friend.
That's me, right? Yeah.
Come on, let's go.
So, word on the street -- the pyramids might be spaceships.
Ooh, you heard that, too, huh? Oh, and Stonehenge -- one rock, lots of mirrors.
I really hope you don't die a virgin.
You're welcome.
It would be so cool if I had a maid to do this stuff for me.
Come home from a long day's work, open the door, there she is -- my maid.
I'm not gonna put that costume on again.
It would also be cool if I had my own Catwoman.
Hey, this isn't mine.
Oh, no, that's mine.
I like to sleep in it when it's cold.
It's so warm and cozy.
It's kind of big, isn't it? Yeah.
It used to belong to an old boyfriend -- Steve.
Oh.
Steve.
I don't remember you mentioning that one.
[ Boston accent .]
So, was big Steve a big Harvard football fan? Big Harvard football player.
Really? Great.
You know, Harvard's really never had a good football team.
I know, but he only ended up playing there for a couple of years, anyway.
Ouch! Cut from Harvard.
Whoo! That's embarrassing.
No, he wasn't cut.
He quit.
He went to England on a Rhodes scholarship.
Couldn't afford to pay his own way, huh? Loser! - Hey! - Hey! Holly, look who called for you.
Oh, my God! - I know.
- Oh, this is so cool! I know! - What's going on? - I don't know! Samantha Grey is moving to New York.
Who's Samantha Grey? Only my number-one best friend in the entire world.
Holly.
She's still mad because I told her the whole moon landing thing was fake.
See, some people choose to live in a fantasy world.
Not me.
In junior high, Sam and I did everything together.
We were inseparable.
We used to call ourselves the Three Musketeers.
- Who was the third? - Oh, Angela Simpson, but she left us for another clique.
Like who, the Fab Four? The Magnificent Seven? Mm, no.
The Hare Krishnas.
Sometimes I see her at the airport.
Hey, now that Samantha's here, you should be the new Angela.
Ooh, finally in a girl clique.
Now I get to see what happens at those slumber parties after the pillow fights stop.
Somebody gets asthma and goes home early.
Is she wearing little jammies? Hey! Uh-huh What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you Hey! Where's Samantha? The Knicks game starts in a half an hour.
Oh, she's always late.
It's kind of her thing.
Well, it's bobblehead night at the Garden, and useless free stuff is kind of my thing.
[ knock on door .]
Ooh, she's here.
Let the fun begin.
Do we have time for a quick fight before the game? Cut it out.
- Holly! - Sammy! - Holly! - Sammy! Oh, my God, I am so glad you're here! How are you? How was the flight? The airport was a nightmare, but I saw Angela.
She told me to tell you "hi" and to give you one of these.
Sam, Gary.
Gary, Sam.
Hey, how you doing? Fine.
Oh, you are not gonna believe what I found when I was packing.
- You're gonna love this.
- What is it? Oh, my God! It's us at Sarah Wilson's party! - Look at those outfits.
- Man, the '90s really sucked.
Hey, Gary, look.
Can you believe we actually wore that? Wow, man.
What is up with that? Pants.
Shirt.
Hair.
I don't get it.
You guys look fine.
Hey, you heard what happened to Sarah, right? - Oh, I know.
- With the -- - And the -- - Unbelievable.
- What? - And now she's -- - I heard.
- Well, after that, what do you expect? Seriously, what are we talking about? He probably wouldn't get it.
No [ Both .]
: But Joey Butler would! Your hair is so -- Isn't it? I did it to make my face -- It totally does.
Hey, you guys, remember the time you showed me the picture of the two of you at a party, and I didn't really know what to say about your clothes? That was fun, huh? Ha ha ha ha ha.
I guess you had to be there.
Hey, I got your message.
What's up? Oh, hey.
I got a little something for you.
- Yeah? - I was so excited, I didn't want to wait.
Oh! How sweet! Now we're gonna be twins.
You and Holly? No, me and Nana.
But thank you.
I thought you'd like it.
Oh, I do.
It matches my sleeping bonnet.
I just hope the town elders will approve.
Look, I just thought it was something warm and cozy for you to sleep in.
Oh, I get it.
This is about my Harvard sweatshirt.
Can't a guy buy his girlfriend flame-retardant sleepwear without it being about something? Jeez! I appreciate the gesture.
It's just I like my sweatshirt.
But it's nice to have options.
Oh.
Funny you should mention that.
May I introduce you to option number two? Do not tell me Nana has that one, too.
Man, that was the most exciting Knicks game I've ever been to.
I know.
I mean, Spike Lee, Chris Rock, Ben Affleck.
Yeah.
I just hope you weren't distracted by all those tall guys trying to put the ball in the "round thingy.
" Are you still pouting? I'm not pouting.
Why does she get to have two bobbleheads, and I get squat? I told you the extra one was for my brother.
But you took the last two, and you said your brother's a colonel in the army.
Yeah, and I suppose someone who's willing to fight for their country doesn't deserve a bobblehead? Gary, let it go.
The Knicks won, and you finally got on the Jumbotron.
For about a half a second, till they cut away to that stupid baby.
Because you looked terrified.
It's the Jumbotron, all right? There's a lot of pressure.
Look, guys, let's focus on the good times, all right? Remember? We all had nachos.
With cheese! I do like liquid cheese.
Listen, guys, I better get going.
Oh, hey, Gary and I are going to the movies tomorrow, so you have to come.
Oh, I don't know if I can.
I have to unpack and -- Oh, well.
Some other time.
Bye now.
Be safe.
Sleep tight.
Come on, it's your first movie in New York.
Where else can you pay $14 a ticket for a broken seat? Now who could say no to that? - I'll see you tomorrow.
- Bye.
I can't believe we're back together again.
- We're gonna have to hang out all the time.
- Yes.
Give me a bobblehead.
No.
Why did you invite her to the movies? What are you talking about? It'll be awesome.
Well, it'll be awesome without me, 'cause I'm not going.
You can't do that.
She's going to think you don't like her.
And she'd be right.
How can you say that? Sammy's the best.
She showed up late, which is disrespectful, she talked through the whole game, which is rude, and she laughed in my face when I told her about the moon landing, which is -- Stupid, Gary.
It's just stupid.
Fine.
Take her side.
I'm not taking anyone's side! [ sighs .]
I was afraid this was going to happen.
What? You don't like hanging out with us because you feel like the third wheel.
I don't feel like the third wheel.
I just think the second wheel sucks.
Look, just give her a chance.
I promise you, once you get to know her, you will love her.
I don't know.
That's what my dad said when he brought home new mommy.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You look cute.
- Thanks.
Where you headed? To hang out with my two best friends who hate each other.
We're gonna see a movie, eat some popcorn.
Oh, did I mention hate each other? You know, I had a situation like this once in college.
I was very close with my roommate, and then I met this other girl down the hall, and the two of them couldn't stand each other.
Oh? How'd you work it out? Well, turns out they were both insane.
I had to switch dorms.
Twice.
But, hey, good luck with your thing.
I'm just gonna have to sit between Sam and Gary during the movie.
Otherwise, things could get messy.
Too late.
Oh, you guys totally had me going! I totally bought it.
The doors opened, you were all making out, and I was like, whoa! Hey, look, it's happening again.
Ha ha ha.
I don't get it.
Last night you couldn't stop fighting, and now you can't stop kissing.
Stop kissing! What happened? Well, right after I left, I ran into Sam on the subway.
The car was really crowded.
And all of a sudden, it kind of jerked, and we fell down, and I was like, "Get off of me!" And I was like, "You get off of me!" And then we both kind of looked at each other and -- You know that thing where one minute you're on a subway arguing with this guy, and then the next minute you're lying on the floor making out with him? Sure.
It's why I don't take cabs.
It was very romantic.
Yeah.
I think it would make a great movie.
I picture J-Lo as Samantha and Sir Anthony Hopkins as me.
I mean, he'd have to drop a few lbs, but we're not gonna start shooting for at least a year, huh? So, you two together, huh? I don't really know what to say.
And, luckily, it just doesn't matter.
Ah, so, I heard the movie's really great.
Ending's supposed to be really cool.
It's gonna be showing that way.
Oh, my God, the guy in the hat.
That's just like -- - In the -- - Except he's more -- Totally.
What are you guys talking about? She probably wouldn't get it.
Nah.
[ Both .]
: But Carson Daly would! You've already got inside jokes? And you know Carson Daly? Hey, I'll be back in a sec.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Sit down, sit down.
I'll get it.
What do you need? To use the bathroom.
Hey, if I could, I would.
I'll miss you.
But not too much.
I'm not high maintenance.
But could you get me a Coke, half diet, half regular, with just a little bit of ice? You know how I like it, baby.
All right.
Ha ha ha ha.
She's not coming back, is she? So, this is really serious, huh? Yeah.
Hey, and thank you so much.
This never would have happened if you hadn't told me to give her a chance.
I can't even remember what life was like without her.
Can you remember yesterday? That woman is like adrenaline.
I only slept 12 hours last night.
I feel like a kid again! So you really like her, huh? Oh, yeah.
Hey, should I get her a giant box of Milk Duds and surprise her outside the bathroom? Definitely.
Girls go ape for giant candy.
Third wheel? Me too.
That's a good way to lose a finger.
What is this? Go ahead.
Have a look.
I was going through my closet today, and I found something you might like.
Ha ha.
Oh, isn't it great? [ as Mr.
T .]
"I pity the fool!" Yeah.
I don't know why people ever quit saying that.
Well, you know, since you like to sleep in a sweatshirt, I thought maybe you'd like this old broken-in cozy thing.
Mmm.
[ as Mr.
T .]
Pleasant dreams, fool! Oh, okay, sweetie, I get it.
You don't have to bring me any more sleepwear.
You're jealous of the Harvard sweatshirt.
I'm not jealous.
Good, because it has no sentimental value.
I mean, I don't even remember what the guy looked like, okay? Okay.
Please don't wear it.
I'm jealous.
I'm glad you told me.
That's all you had to say.
If it makes you uncomfortable, I won't wear it.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
What? Nothing.
What is it? [ giggling .]
It's just kind of funny that you're intimidated by a sweatshirt.
I'm not intimidated.
I'm jealous.
I know, I know, and that's kind of funny, right? Funny how? Like funny stupid? No, like funny silly.
Like, you're a big silly.
I mean, it's a sweatshirt.
Uh-huh.
Okay, great.
I'm a big silly.
Well, big silly's got some produce to sign for.
Jeff, come on.
[ as Mr.
T .]
Don't be jealous of a sweatshirt, fool! Ahh.
See? Neil Armstrong.
On the moon.
Are you calling Colonel Neil Armstrong a liar? Nope.
I'm calling him an actor.
Hey, I gotta get going.
I told Sam to meet us around 7:00.
Is that cool with you? Uh, actually I was thinking maybe you guys should go without me.
Without you? Why? Uh, so this way you could skip the ignoring me thing and go straight to the making out in public thing.
This is about me and Sam, isn't it? Look, I thought the three of us hanging out together was going to be a lot of fun, but it's torture.
Oh, oh, I get it.
When hanging out with Sam wasn't fun for me, I had to give it a chance.
And now that it's not fun for you, you just can't deal.
That's totally different.
How would you like it if me and Sam were making out all the time? Well -- You know what I mean.
It's different because you're a couple.
I know when you guys were hanging out and talking about old times, you might as well have been a couple.
The only difference is, now you're the squeaky wheel.
I think you mean third wheel.
Whatever wheel.
You don't want me to be happy.
You're just like new mommy.
What was that about? Me and Gary are just -- Don't bother.
I was eavesdropping.
Isn't he being ridiculous? Actually, I think he's right.
Excuse me, could you take the knife out of my back? Do you want me to tell you what I think? Are you about to agree with me? - No.
- Then no.
Tough.
They're your friends.
If they're happy, you should be happy, too.
When they kiss, it sounds like someone eating a sandwich.
You should support them.
Egg salad.
They're worth it.
With too much mayo.
Oh, for God's sake, just get new friends.
[ giggling .]
Oh, hey.
Hey.
Is Gary here yet? No, but look -- slight change of plans.
I just met these two guys, and they want us to go to Webster Hall to see their band.
Oh, all right.
As soon as Gary gets here, we'll go.
Yeah, like I said, slight change of plans.
Wait.
You're ditching Gary? Well, it would be kind of weird if he's here while I'm trying to hook up with one of these guys.
I can't believe you.
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't worry.
You can totally have the one I don't want.
Let me guess which one.
W-wait.
What about Gary? I thought you two were together.
Look, over the course of a relationship, things change.
we're just not the same people we were.
Yesterday? Look, you can't do this to him.
He is my friend.
I know, and he's cute and all, but after a while, he kind of gets on your nerves.
You know what I'm talking about.
No, I don't.
He is an amazing guy.
He is loyal, he's smart, he's funny.
He thinks the pyramids are spaceships.
He's killing me.
Look, you are making a really big mistake here.
We got to get to the club.
We only get to play for five minutes.
- Are you coming? - No! Hey, you wanna share a cab? Oh, no, I'm not going.
Then can I just have the cash? Hey, sweetie.
Hey.
How was your day? Oh, it was good.
We got some new linen at the restaurant, and -- Is it hot in here? I don't think so.
Hmm.
I'm dying.
Take off your sweater.
Okay.
II pray you're not wearing a matching thong.
What? Oh, this? Oh, it used to belong to an old girlfriend.
I just wear it 'cause it's really soft and comfortable.
Jeff -- Oh, no, no, don't worry about it.
There's no sentimental value.
I don't want you to be jealous, 'cause then you'd be a big silly.
Okay, II understand.
Now could you go change? 'Cause it's very difficult for me to look at you with that thing on.
Ah, see? So you admit it.
It gets to you.
Yeah.
That gets to me.
Then say it.
I'm not a big silly.
You're not a big silly.
Thank you.
All I wanted was my dignity back.
I'm very sorry if I was insensitive to you.
It's okay.
I know it seems crazy to act jealous over a sweatshirt, and I know you've had boyfriends before.
When I think about you with other guys, I don't know You will never see that sweatshirt again.
And as disturbing and twisted as this little joke was -- and it was a joke, right? Okay.
Um, it reminds me of what is so great about you.
Remind me.
You're fun.
And unpredictable.
You have an eye for cute tops.
And you make me feel like the most important person in the world.
You are.
And now I know why you say pretty clothes make you feel pretty.
Well, you do have nice boobs.
[ laughs .]
Oh, hey, Gary.
Hey.
Listen, um, I'm really sorry about -- Me too.
And I've been thinking about what you said, and now that Sam and I are together, I really don't want you to feel left out.
Ooh.
Gary -- Shh.
It's okay.
There will always be space for you in our lives.
Yeah, let me just say -- And one of these days, you'll find someone special, too.
But first you got to feel good in here.
She's not coming.
I'm sorry.
What's that? Samantha met some guys, and they're going out tonight without you.
Well, are they gay guys? They're band guys.
Marching band? No.
I'm sorry, Gary.
She did not run off with a gay marching band.
Man, I'm such an idiot.
No, look, it's not you.
It's her.
Holly, she was so cute and easy.
Look, I promise, you can do better than her.
You're better off without her.
I know I am.
Really? I only need one best friend.
That's me, right? Yeah.
Come on, let's go.
So, word on the street -- the pyramids might be spaceships.
Ooh, you heard that, too, huh? Oh, and Stonehenge -- one rock, lots of mirrors.
I really hope you don't die a virgin.