What I Like About You (2002) s03e16 Episode Script
Nobody's Perfect
Can't this wait? We are missing 500 cans of coffee.
Gary and I want to show you the window display.
He's like those guards at Buckingham Palace.
And here's our gimmick.
If you make him laugh, you get a free cupcake.
Gary, a chicken and a monkey walk into a bar.
Ha ha ha ha! Good work.
We'll be bankrupt by noon.
I'm sorry, but chickens and monkeys just don't go into bars.
Look, guys, I appreciate all of your work and all your creative ideas.
Really, I do, but, uh, listen, from now on, let's just try to do things my way, okay? Let's try that -- just my way and no one else's way, okay? Okay! Or how about we continue doing whatever the hell we want? Okay? Okay! Ha ha! Okay, listen, I need your help.
Ben called, and he wants to meet me here.
Oh, my God, your first big meeting since the breakup.
Well, that's not enough notice.
I need to lose 10 pounds and -- Oh, it's your breakup.
It's not mine.
What are you two talking about? And why do you want to talk to Ben about your breakup? You broke up, it's broke.
Gary, it's the post-breakup talk.
I mean, I had feelings for another guy.
I have to let him scream at me and yell so we can get past it and become awkward and uncomfortable friends.
Who in the hell wants to be friends with their ex? That's why they call them exes.
You "ex" 'em out, "ex" 'em all out.
Mm-hmm, or sometimes you stalk them and show up at their wedding.
Hello, Holly.
Oh, hello, Ben.
You look good.
You haven't changed a bit.
Holly, we broke up two days ago.
God.
You're counting the days? So, okay, go ahead.
I'm ready.
Let me have it.
I can take it.
It's good to see you.
Oh, God.
This is getting ugly.
What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about Hey Uh-huh Uh-huh That's what I like about you It was the closest thing they had to a scone.
You know, comfort food from your native country.
Holly, scones are the reason that I left England.
No, I was the reason why you left England.
So go ahead, let it out.
I can take it.
Holly, the reason I called was to go over my song list for Skids -- I know, I know, I'm sorry I didn't -- what? Yeah, I was thinking of opening with, uh, "On a Night Like This" Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look, we broke up because I still had feelings for Vince.
That's had to have made you a little pissy.
Well, yeah, I'm sad that we're not together, but, you know, it's done.
We can move on.
This is a little sconey.
Okay, who gives a crap about the damn pastry? You're upset.
Come on, let it out.
Didn't you hear that Vince and Tina hooked up? Don't you want to at least rub that in my face, tell me that I deserved it? Ask me to give you back your MP3 player? No, why would I want to do that? That would be mean.
Listen, Holly, I'm really okay with everything.
Maybe I should go and work on my song list by myself.
I'll catch up with you later.
And by the way, I really like your hair like that.
Okay, stop being so nice.
Okay, Ben, listen, you have to be mean.
That's what we do in New York.
Okay, would you please move? Thank you.
- See? Goodbye, Holly.
Okay, come on, Ben, you have to get your feelings out in the open.
If you don't, how are we ever gonna get past this and be friends? Would you look at her? She's gone nuts.
Maybe I should take her to lunch and talk to her.
- Oh, I can't do that.
- Why not? - Because if I leave, who's gonna run this place? Me.
Gary.
Yeah.
Uh, Gary locked himself in the freezer last week.
Me.
Lauren, I love ya, I do, but, uh, I just think it'd be better if I stayed.
Oh, I get it.
You don't trust me to run this place.
Pretty much.
Well, how can you say that? Uh, well, remember my old business? Who here ran it into the ground? I'll give you a little hint.
You.
I knew someday that was gonna bite me in the ass.
So, you can see, there's pretty much no way in hell this is gonna happen.
Oh.
Oh, great, okay, well, that's it? II don't even get a second chance? I baby-sit a kid once and lose him.
What, I never get to baby-sit again? You're kidding, right? You know, this is unbelievable, okay? Your sister needs you, and you don't trust me for half an hour? I burn down a house, I don't get to use matches again? Okay, stop it, you're scaring me.
Okay, look.
Val, you're going to have to trust me again sometime, okay? Right now your sister needs you.
This is the perfect time, okay? Please, just -- just give me another chance.
Let me prove that I can do this.
Okay.
Half an hour.
Oh, great.
And don't worry, I've got Gary here with me.
[ Gary .]
: Damn! Who locked me in the freezer again? Ben! Get it out! Express yourself! Just let it out! Honey, I already have a crazy person who stands out here and screams at nobody.
Oh, well, where's that guy? Maybe he'll yell at me.
I just want to be yelled at.
Sometimes, you just gotta let people do whatever they're gonna do, you know? You can't control everybody.
Lauren! Crumbs on table 2! Maybe we're both a little too controlling.
Yeah.
It's a total Tyler trait.
I pity the men in our lives.
We don't really have to worry about that, now, do we? Let's go this way.
I like this way [ music blares .]
[ telephone rings .]
[ ring .]
Sugar Babies Bakery, Sugar Baby talking.
Our hours? Lauren, how late are we open till? I don't know.
It's usually dark when we leave.
We're closed around darkish.
Okay, how great are we doing? I haven't lost a kid, I haven't burned anything down.
Huh.
Can't trust me? In your face, Val! Hey, little girl.
What can I do for you? Would you like to buy some cookies to support my troop? You do know this is a bakery, right? I know, it's just I can't sell any, and I've been going to every store.
And now my feet hurt.
If I don't sell my quota, I'll get kicked out.
[ crying .]
Okay, okay, okay.
Look, look, don't cry, don't cry, okay? I can never take a woman crying.
Listen, I'll go get my wallet, and I'll buy a box.
Can I have a glass of water? My throat kind of hurts from crying.
[ coughs .]
Ohwell, of course you can, sweetie, and I just think it's a crime how they work you girls to sell those cookies.
It's -- Ooh, are those thin mints? You save me a box, angel.
A box of cookies Hey! Hey, what are you doing? - That's not your money.
- It is now, sucka! Oww! Oh, my damn, oh, my damn! My beautiful legs! Okay, here -- Oh, my God, what are you doing on the ground? That little crumb-snatcher just robbed us! [ gasps .]
What? Oh, my God.
Ah, Lauren, you were right.
I had a great lunch with Holly.
Everything looks fine here.
- Except we just got robbed! - What? Jacked! Lifted! Ripped-off! Oh, my gosh, I knew I shouldn't have left! Why does everything always happen to me? II mean, are you okay? Did you get a good look at the guy? The guy -- was big.
Huge.
Yeah, and he -- he had some prison tats.
Mm-hmm, and a hook for a hand.
So, Ben, I just had a really good talk with Val, and I'm just calling to say that I won't be calling you anymore.
If you choose to not express your feelings, that's your choice.
Although I still think you should.
Okay, bye.
Surprise.
Hey, Ben, oh, my God.
I just left you a message.
Oh.
Holly, I owe you an apology.
You were right.
There are some feelings about our breakup that I've been keeping in, and I realize that you should hear them.
Oh, my God, I am so glad.
This is great.
Yeah, actually, I put them all into a song.
It was very cathartic.
Oh, good.
I just wish I knew what that word meant.
So, do you want to hear the song? Are you kidding me? I would love to.
Oh, Ben, I am so excited.
I feel like this is a really good starting point for us to become friends.
I thought we'd be forever I thought our hearts were one But now you and I are over just as fast as we begun It's good so far.
OhHolly Tyler, you are such a liar You are such a liar, oh, Holly Tyler Where your heart should be, there's a block of ice Your soul is missing, you think you're so nice Holly Tyler, you are such a liar You are such a liar, oh, Holly Tyler How you lie, lie, lie It makes me sick How you lie, lie, lie I wanna puke when you lie, lie, lie Oh, when you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie When you lie -- You know what? I think we all get the point.
You were so right! Opening up, letting my feelings out -- It makes me feel so much better.
In fact, I like this song so much, I'm gonna play it at Skids tonight.
Uh, no, I don't think so.
- What? I don't think so what? You are not playing that song tonight at Skids.
Ha ha ha! Oh, I think I am.
I think it sucks, and I'm your manager.
Oh, well, I think that maybe you think it sucks because you can't take the truth.
The truth? Are you kidding me? That song was all lies.
Yes, that's exactly what happened! Lies! Okay, well, I never lied to you on purpose.
Oh, I'm sorry, but nothing rhymes with "on purpose.
" You know what? That producer from AMI Records is gonna be there, and what if he likes it and then buys it and records it? It'll play all over the internet and the radio.
And even people in China will think Holly Tyler is a lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie! Okay, okay, I get it.
I've got news for you, Holly Tyler, it's my song, and I'll sing it wherever I want.
If you care to hear the next three verses, be at Skids at 8:00.
And you should know, I saved the really mean stuff for last.
Hey, you know what, Sheffield? I liked you better when you were all bottled up.
Huh? How's that for cathartic? You can't use a word when you don't even know what it means! I know what "get out" means, so get out! Cathartic With a "K" or a "C"? It was horrible.
Look, I'm still shaking.
I pooped my pants.
I mean, he had at least a foot and 200 pounds on me.
But I made him cry.
I bit him in the ear.
Yeah, I totally Tysoned him.
You guys shouldn't have tried to fight him.
They say you're not supposed to do that.
I know, but I was in charge.
Lauren, but you're not supposed to try to be the hero.
Don't you watch "C.
S.
I.
anything"? The important thing is that you're okay.
I'm gonna go call the police.
- No, no police! - Forget the pigs! Um, Val, thank God you weren't here.
I mean, because I couldn't have fought off this monster and protect you and Lauren at the same time.
Oh, my damn.
Excuse me, my name is Elizabeth Green.
This is my daughter Karen.
I found the money she stole from your shop.
This is the one with the prison tats? You're off the steroids, I see.
I am so not returning those thin mints.
I'm so sorry.
She's really been acting out since my husband and I got divorced.
I hope there's some way we can settle this without involving the police.
Me too.
Unless, of course, you guys want to file charges against the Westside strangler here.
Are you all right? She said you went down pretty hard when she kicked you.
Oh, there's gonna be a bruise.
What do you say, Karen? You're lucky I wasn't wearing clogs.
[ Elizabeth .]
: Karen! Let's just let this go, okay? This ain't over.
Oh, we're gonna dance again, little scout.
Thank you so much.
Listen, I'm really sorry, lady.
Hey, hey, it's okay.
Come here.
Let's go, Karen.
Now, where did you steal the laptop from? Ha ha, okay, I'm gonna try to control myself before I scream.
Can't do it! I trusted you.
You were robbed by a 10-year-old? She was 14 if she was a day! This is why I can't trust you, Lauren.
Or you, for that matter.
This never would've happened if I was here.
But she wanted me to buy some cookies so she wouldn't get kicked out of her troop.
I don't want to hear it.
Just go in the back and get your stuff and get out, all right? I will lock up, I will clean the mixers, I'll make the deposits.
I will do everything because I'm the only one who can do anything around here! I can't believe you went and got her some water.
Oh, shut up, or I'll have my niece come over and take you down! I am so angry! You're angry? - Ben wrote this nasty song - Turns out Gary and Lauren weren't robbed - about how I'm not nice - by a prison guy, after all.
- and he's gonna play it at Skids tonight.
- It was a little girl! - What? - What? - Ben wrote this nasty - We were robbed Wait, okay, you first.
Ben wrote a song about you? Yes, and he thinks that he's actually playing it tonight at Skids at 8:00, but I rearranged his schedule so he is playing it at 2 a.
m.
Ha ha ha! That's a little harsh, don't you think? Are you actually taking his side? He wrote horrible things about me.
Well, you're the one who was begging him to open up, express his feelings.
What did you expect? Well, I was expecting for him to be mad, but when he sang that song -- the words and his face -- I didn't realize how much I hurt him.
God, I was so horrible to him.
I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to be my friend.
Oh, sweetie You didn't mean to hurt him.
I know, but I still hurt him.
Well, if singing that song is somehow - Cathartic? - What? You know, "emotionally purging," synonym, "purifying"? Well I am gonna miss Ben's influence on your vocabulary.
I should let him sing the song, shouldn't I? Just like you should let Gary and Lauren -- Oh, no, no, unh-unh.
I'm too old to change.
There's still time for you, young 'un.
Go on.
Thank you.
Val Hey.
You guys need someone to walk you home? You're gonna have to walk by that scary preschool.
Okay, Val, I know that you're mad, but it doesn't mean you can't trust me.
Anyone can be robbed.
No, not me.
I would've been paying attention.
I wouldn't have been taken by some sweet-faced little girl.
[ Elizabeth .]
: Hiwe're back.
And Karen has something to give you.
My wallet? It's not real Chanel.
That's why I'm giving it back.
[ Elizabeth .]
: Karen! I'm sorry.
The divorce has really been messing with my head.
Again, thanks for no cops.
We won't be bothering you anymore.
Listen, I'm real sorry, lady.
Aah! Karen! Huh.
Oh, my God.
Fake Chanel? You know, Val, if you were paying attention, maybe you would've seen her take your wallet.
Mm-hmm, how are we gonna trust you to run this place when we're not here? Look, I knew she took the wallet.
I was just trying to teach me a lesson.
Man, that kid must sandpaper her fingertips.
I didn't feel a thing.
Look, all right, I'm sorry.
It could've happened to anybody, and I am gonna start trusting you more, all right? And to show my trust, I am gonna come in after we open tomorrow.
Ha ha! Oh, it's not good enough.
No.
You need to go home and trust us to close up.
Deposit, lights, lock up, everything.
I was thinking more like early Christmas bonuses? Ooh, that's better.
That's better.
I don't want any more responsibility I can come in late, go home early get a good night's sleep and between me and my deformed leg all I got is my looks.
If you came to see me perform, you're a tad early.
Apparently, my manager called and had my slot switched to 2 a.
m.
Yeah, well, your manager was a little bitter earlier.
But she called back.
You're going on next.
You did that? Mm-hmm, and I was thinking about it, and it's okay if you play the "I Hate Holly" song.
Actually, it's called "Holly Tyler Sucks.
" Well, the point is, you deserve to get through this any way that you want.
Thanks.
And you know what else I was thinking about? Throughout this whole thing, I never said I was sorry.
No, you didn't.
Ben, listen I am so sorry.
Now, Holly, Holly, it's okay.
I know you didn't do anything on purpose.
You can't help who you fall in love with.
That's true.
[ Man .]
: Coming up next -- Ben Sheffield! Oh, go up there! Be all salutary.
You know, "therapeutic.
" I hate to admit it, but the "Holly Sucks" song is, like, one of the best you've ever written.
Hey, uh, how goes it, New York? I've got a little song I want to sing to my ex.
We've all got them.
I thought we'd be forever I thought our hearts were one But now you and I are over Just as fast as we begun Oh Molly Myler, you are such a liar You are such a liar, oh, Molly Myler Where your heart should be God.
That Molly Myler sounds like quite the biyatch.
You are such a liar You are such a liar, oh, Molly Myler Lie, lie, lie
Gary and I want to show you the window display.
He's like those guards at Buckingham Palace.
And here's our gimmick.
If you make him laugh, you get a free cupcake.
Gary, a chicken and a monkey walk into a bar.
Ha ha ha ha! Good work.
We'll be bankrupt by noon.
I'm sorry, but chickens and monkeys just don't go into bars.
Look, guys, I appreciate all of your work and all your creative ideas.
Really, I do, but, uh, listen, from now on, let's just try to do things my way, okay? Let's try that -- just my way and no one else's way, okay? Okay! Or how about we continue doing whatever the hell we want? Okay? Okay! Ha ha! Okay, listen, I need your help.
Ben called, and he wants to meet me here.
Oh, my God, your first big meeting since the breakup.
Well, that's not enough notice.
I need to lose 10 pounds and -- Oh, it's your breakup.
It's not mine.
What are you two talking about? And why do you want to talk to Ben about your breakup? You broke up, it's broke.
Gary, it's the post-breakup talk.
I mean, I had feelings for another guy.
I have to let him scream at me and yell so we can get past it and become awkward and uncomfortable friends.
Who in the hell wants to be friends with their ex? That's why they call them exes.
You "ex" 'em out, "ex" 'em all out.
Mm-hmm, or sometimes you stalk them and show up at their wedding.
Hello, Holly.
Oh, hello, Ben.
You look good.
You haven't changed a bit.
Holly, we broke up two days ago.
God.
You're counting the days? So, okay, go ahead.
I'm ready.
Let me have it.
I can take it.
It's good to see you.
Oh, God.
This is getting ugly.
What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about Hey Uh-huh Uh-huh That's what I like about you It was the closest thing they had to a scone.
You know, comfort food from your native country.
Holly, scones are the reason that I left England.
No, I was the reason why you left England.
So go ahead, let it out.
I can take it.
Holly, the reason I called was to go over my song list for Skids -- I know, I know, I'm sorry I didn't -- what? Yeah, I was thinking of opening with, uh, "On a Night Like This" Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look, we broke up because I still had feelings for Vince.
That's had to have made you a little pissy.
Well, yeah, I'm sad that we're not together, but, you know, it's done.
We can move on.
This is a little sconey.
Okay, who gives a crap about the damn pastry? You're upset.
Come on, let it out.
Didn't you hear that Vince and Tina hooked up? Don't you want to at least rub that in my face, tell me that I deserved it? Ask me to give you back your MP3 player? No, why would I want to do that? That would be mean.
Listen, Holly, I'm really okay with everything.
Maybe I should go and work on my song list by myself.
I'll catch up with you later.
And by the way, I really like your hair like that.
Okay, stop being so nice.
Okay, Ben, listen, you have to be mean.
That's what we do in New York.
Okay, would you please move? Thank you.
- See? Goodbye, Holly.
Okay, come on, Ben, you have to get your feelings out in the open.
If you don't, how are we ever gonna get past this and be friends? Would you look at her? She's gone nuts.
Maybe I should take her to lunch and talk to her.
- Oh, I can't do that.
- Why not? - Because if I leave, who's gonna run this place? Me.
Gary.
Yeah.
Uh, Gary locked himself in the freezer last week.
Me.
Lauren, I love ya, I do, but, uh, I just think it'd be better if I stayed.
Oh, I get it.
You don't trust me to run this place.
Pretty much.
Well, how can you say that? Uh, well, remember my old business? Who here ran it into the ground? I'll give you a little hint.
You.
I knew someday that was gonna bite me in the ass.
So, you can see, there's pretty much no way in hell this is gonna happen.
Oh.
Oh, great, okay, well, that's it? II don't even get a second chance? I baby-sit a kid once and lose him.
What, I never get to baby-sit again? You're kidding, right? You know, this is unbelievable, okay? Your sister needs you, and you don't trust me for half an hour? I burn down a house, I don't get to use matches again? Okay, stop it, you're scaring me.
Okay, look.
Val, you're going to have to trust me again sometime, okay? Right now your sister needs you.
This is the perfect time, okay? Please, just -- just give me another chance.
Let me prove that I can do this.
Okay.
Half an hour.
Oh, great.
And don't worry, I've got Gary here with me.
[ Gary .]
: Damn! Who locked me in the freezer again? Ben! Get it out! Express yourself! Just let it out! Honey, I already have a crazy person who stands out here and screams at nobody.
Oh, well, where's that guy? Maybe he'll yell at me.
I just want to be yelled at.
Sometimes, you just gotta let people do whatever they're gonna do, you know? You can't control everybody.
Lauren! Crumbs on table 2! Maybe we're both a little too controlling.
Yeah.
It's a total Tyler trait.
I pity the men in our lives.
We don't really have to worry about that, now, do we? Let's go this way.
I like this way [ music blares .]
[ telephone rings .]
[ ring .]
Sugar Babies Bakery, Sugar Baby talking.
Our hours? Lauren, how late are we open till? I don't know.
It's usually dark when we leave.
We're closed around darkish.
Okay, how great are we doing? I haven't lost a kid, I haven't burned anything down.
Huh.
Can't trust me? In your face, Val! Hey, little girl.
What can I do for you? Would you like to buy some cookies to support my troop? You do know this is a bakery, right? I know, it's just I can't sell any, and I've been going to every store.
And now my feet hurt.
If I don't sell my quota, I'll get kicked out.
[ crying .]
Okay, okay, okay.
Look, look, don't cry, don't cry, okay? I can never take a woman crying.
Listen, I'll go get my wallet, and I'll buy a box.
Can I have a glass of water? My throat kind of hurts from crying.
[ coughs .]
Ohwell, of course you can, sweetie, and I just think it's a crime how they work you girls to sell those cookies.
It's -- Ooh, are those thin mints? You save me a box, angel.
A box of cookies Hey! Hey, what are you doing? - That's not your money.
- It is now, sucka! Oww! Oh, my damn, oh, my damn! My beautiful legs! Okay, here -- Oh, my God, what are you doing on the ground? That little crumb-snatcher just robbed us! [ gasps .]
What? Oh, my God.
Ah, Lauren, you were right.
I had a great lunch with Holly.
Everything looks fine here.
- Except we just got robbed! - What? Jacked! Lifted! Ripped-off! Oh, my gosh, I knew I shouldn't have left! Why does everything always happen to me? II mean, are you okay? Did you get a good look at the guy? The guy -- was big.
Huge.
Yeah, and he -- he had some prison tats.
Mm-hmm, and a hook for a hand.
So, Ben, I just had a really good talk with Val, and I'm just calling to say that I won't be calling you anymore.
If you choose to not express your feelings, that's your choice.
Although I still think you should.
Okay, bye.
Surprise.
Hey, Ben, oh, my God.
I just left you a message.
Oh.
Holly, I owe you an apology.
You were right.
There are some feelings about our breakup that I've been keeping in, and I realize that you should hear them.
Oh, my God, I am so glad.
This is great.
Yeah, actually, I put them all into a song.
It was very cathartic.
Oh, good.
I just wish I knew what that word meant.
So, do you want to hear the song? Are you kidding me? I would love to.
Oh, Ben, I am so excited.
I feel like this is a really good starting point for us to become friends.
I thought we'd be forever I thought our hearts were one But now you and I are over just as fast as we begun It's good so far.
OhHolly Tyler, you are such a liar You are such a liar, oh, Holly Tyler Where your heart should be, there's a block of ice Your soul is missing, you think you're so nice Holly Tyler, you are such a liar You are such a liar, oh, Holly Tyler How you lie, lie, lie It makes me sick How you lie, lie, lie I wanna puke when you lie, lie, lie Oh, when you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie When you lie -- You know what? I think we all get the point.
You were so right! Opening up, letting my feelings out -- It makes me feel so much better.
In fact, I like this song so much, I'm gonna play it at Skids tonight.
Uh, no, I don't think so.
- What? I don't think so what? You are not playing that song tonight at Skids.
Ha ha ha! Oh, I think I am.
I think it sucks, and I'm your manager.
Oh, well, I think that maybe you think it sucks because you can't take the truth.
The truth? Are you kidding me? That song was all lies.
Yes, that's exactly what happened! Lies! Okay, well, I never lied to you on purpose.
Oh, I'm sorry, but nothing rhymes with "on purpose.
" You know what? That producer from AMI Records is gonna be there, and what if he likes it and then buys it and records it? It'll play all over the internet and the radio.
And even people in China will think Holly Tyler is a lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie! Okay, okay, I get it.
I've got news for you, Holly Tyler, it's my song, and I'll sing it wherever I want.
If you care to hear the next three verses, be at Skids at 8:00.
And you should know, I saved the really mean stuff for last.
Hey, you know what, Sheffield? I liked you better when you were all bottled up.
Huh? How's that for cathartic? You can't use a word when you don't even know what it means! I know what "get out" means, so get out! Cathartic With a "K" or a "C"? It was horrible.
Look, I'm still shaking.
I pooped my pants.
I mean, he had at least a foot and 200 pounds on me.
But I made him cry.
I bit him in the ear.
Yeah, I totally Tysoned him.
You guys shouldn't have tried to fight him.
They say you're not supposed to do that.
I know, but I was in charge.
Lauren, but you're not supposed to try to be the hero.
Don't you watch "C.
S.
I.
anything"? The important thing is that you're okay.
I'm gonna go call the police.
- No, no police! - Forget the pigs! Um, Val, thank God you weren't here.
I mean, because I couldn't have fought off this monster and protect you and Lauren at the same time.
Oh, my damn.
Excuse me, my name is Elizabeth Green.
This is my daughter Karen.
I found the money she stole from your shop.
This is the one with the prison tats? You're off the steroids, I see.
I am so not returning those thin mints.
I'm so sorry.
She's really been acting out since my husband and I got divorced.
I hope there's some way we can settle this without involving the police.
Me too.
Unless, of course, you guys want to file charges against the Westside strangler here.
Are you all right? She said you went down pretty hard when she kicked you.
Oh, there's gonna be a bruise.
What do you say, Karen? You're lucky I wasn't wearing clogs.
[ Elizabeth .]
: Karen! Let's just let this go, okay? This ain't over.
Oh, we're gonna dance again, little scout.
Thank you so much.
Listen, I'm really sorry, lady.
Hey, hey, it's okay.
Come here.
Let's go, Karen.
Now, where did you steal the laptop from? Ha ha, okay, I'm gonna try to control myself before I scream.
Can't do it! I trusted you.
You were robbed by a 10-year-old? She was 14 if she was a day! This is why I can't trust you, Lauren.
Or you, for that matter.
This never would've happened if I was here.
But she wanted me to buy some cookies so she wouldn't get kicked out of her troop.
I don't want to hear it.
Just go in the back and get your stuff and get out, all right? I will lock up, I will clean the mixers, I'll make the deposits.
I will do everything because I'm the only one who can do anything around here! I can't believe you went and got her some water.
Oh, shut up, or I'll have my niece come over and take you down! I am so angry! You're angry? - Ben wrote this nasty song - Turns out Gary and Lauren weren't robbed - about how I'm not nice - by a prison guy, after all.
- and he's gonna play it at Skids tonight.
- It was a little girl! - What? - What? - Ben wrote this nasty - We were robbed Wait, okay, you first.
Ben wrote a song about you? Yes, and he thinks that he's actually playing it tonight at Skids at 8:00, but I rearranged his schedule so he is playing it at 2 a.
m.
Ha ha ha! That's a little harsh, don't you think? Are you actually taking his side? He wrote horrible things about me.
Well, you're the one who was begging him to open up, express his feelings.
What did you expect? Well, I was expecting for him to be mad, but when he sang that song -- the words and his face -- I didn't realize how much I hurt him.
God, I was so horrible to him.
I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to be my friend.
Oh, sweetie You didn't mean to hurt him.
I know, but I still hurt him.
Well, if singing that song is somehow - Cathartic? - What? You know, "emotionally purging," synonym, "purifying"? Well I am gonna miss Ben's influence on your vocabulary.
I should let him sing the song, shouldn't I? Just like you should let Gary and Lauren -- Oh, no, no, unh-unh.
I'm too old to change.
There's still time for you, young 'un.
Go on.
Thank you.
Val Hey.
You guys need someone to walk you home? You're gonna have to walk by that scary preschool.
Okay, Val, I know that you're mad, but it doesn't mean you can't trust me.
Anyone can be robbed.
No, not me.
I would've been paying attention.
I wouldn't have been taken by some sweet-faced little girl.
[ Elizabeth .]
: Hiwe're back.
And Karen has something to give you.
My wallet? It's not real Chanel.
That's why I'm giving it back.
[ Elizabeth .]
: Karen! I'm sorry.
The divorce has really been messing with my head.
Again, thanks for no cops.
We won't be bothering you anymore.
Listen, I'm real sorry, lady.
Aah! Karen! Huh.
Oh, my God.
Fake Chanel? You know, Val, if you were paying attention, maybe you would've seen her take your wallet.
Mm-hmm, how are we gonna trust you to run this place when we're not here? Look, I knew she took the wallet.
I was just trying to teach me a lesson.
Man, that kid must sandpaper her fingertips.
I didn't feel a thing.
Look, all right, I'm sorry.
It could've happened to anybody, and I am gonna start trusting you more, all right? And to show my trust, I am gonna come in after we open tomorrow.
Ha ha! Oh, it's not good enough.
No.
You need to go home and trust us to close up.
Deposit, lights, lock up, everything.
I was thinking more like early Christmas bonuses? Ooh, that's better.
That's better.
I don't want any more responsibility I can come in late, go home early get a good night's sleep and between me and my deformed leg all I got is my looks.
If you came to see me perform, you're a tad early.
Apparently, my manager called and had my slot switched to 2 a.
m.
Yeah, well, your manager was a little bitter earlier.
But she called back.
You're going on next.
You did that? Mm-hmm, and I was thinking about it, and it's okay if you play the "I Hate Holly" song.
Actually, it's called "Holly Tyler Sucks.
" Well, the point is, you deserve to get through this any way that you want.
Thanks.
And you know what else I was thinking about? Throughout this whole thing, I never said I was sorry.
No, you didn't.
Ben, listen I am so sorry.
Now, Holly, Holly, it's okay.
I know you didn't do anything on purpose.
You can't help who you fall in love with.
That's true.
[ Man .]
: Coming up next -- Ben Sheffield! Oh, go up there! Be all salutary.
You know, "therapeutic.
" I hate to admit it, but the "Holly Sucks" song is, like, one of the best you've ever written.
Hey, uh, how goes it, New York? I've got a little song I want to sing to my ex.
We've all got them.
I thought we'd be forever I thought our hearts were one But now you and I are over Just as fast as we begun Oh Molly Myler, you are such a liar You are such a liar, oh, Molly Myler Where your heart should be God.
That Molly Myler sounds like quite the biyatch.
You are such a liar You are such a liar, oh, Molly Myler Lie, lie, lie