What I Like About You (2002) s04e01 Episode Script

I Want My Baby Back (3)

[ Holly .]
: Oh, my God, Tina, I did it! I broke into Vince's car.
This is the most romantic thing I have ever heard.
I'm gonna say to him, "Vince, I love you, "and I'm going to Florida with you.
"I don't care if it's not perfect.
I don't want to be with anybody else ever again.
" [ door closes .]
- [ Ricki .]
: Vince? - [ Vince .]
: Yeah.
- Where should I put my luggage? - Just throw it in the back.
[ screams .]
What the hell is that? That looks vaguely like a wedding ring! - You got married? - Yeah, apparently! Okay, wait.
This is amazing.
After planning that whole wedding and breaking up with him, you finally married Morning, wife.
the plumber? - [ screams .]
- Oh! Val! Val! Val, wake up! [ screams .]
Oh, Lauren.
Oh, my God.
I'm married.
I got married.
What? Yes, I married Todd, the plumber.
Wait.
There's no ring.
[ laughs .]
And no Todd! Oh! I'm not married! I'm not married.
Oh, me neither, and we're over 30.
I hate this game.
I had the worst nightmare.
I dreamt that I called Rick up and cussed him out really bad and then went to Atlantic City and had a drink or six.
And then I married - Vic! - Vic! Honey, you really got to be more careful, okay? You left your wedding ring on the sink.
- Hey, Lauren.
Long time, no see.
- What's up? Oh, you know, same old, same old.
You? She didn't tell you? We got hitched.
[ laughs .]
Vic? You've been dating Vic? You've been secretly dating Vic? I knew there was a chemistry between you two when he was our boss.
But you didn't want to date him because he was our boss, and now you're married?! How could you not tell me?! I didn't know.
Oh, look at you, stopping in the middle of nowhere.
Are we gonna you know? If by "you know," you mean, "pee," then, yeah.
We haven't "you knowed" since Brooklyn.
Whew! [ exhales .]
What was that? Vince! [ scoffs .]
She is so stupid.
What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whisperin' in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true That's what I like about you That's what I like about you That's what I like about you, you, you That's what I like about you That's what I like about you It's what I like about Uh-huh Uh-huh It's what I like about you Whew! What a night, huh? Huh? Yeah.
[ laughs .]
Yeah.
What happened? Val, you're kidding, right? You do remember.
Well, [scoffs.]
yeah.
I was there Right? No, yeah.
Uh, yeah, I was there, and I was, um sitting in a bar in Atlantic City.
Yeah, yeah! I was trying to catch a strawberry when, all of a sudden, I heard someone say [ Vic .]
: Val? Vic? Wow! Wow, you look incredible.
Well, you look Wait.
Stand still.
This is amazing, huh? Of all the places in the world, here we are.
Wow, Vic.
You still look so pretty.
Yeah, well, everything's prettier when you're drinking through rose-colored glasses.
[ laughs .]
Hey, how come when you drink you get a husband, and when I drink I just get puffy? Come on.
Let's fast-forward to the married part.
Okay, well, we decided to share a little margatini.
[ chuckles .]
Ah! - Ahh! - Whoo! [ Val .]
: We were laughing, reminiscing, and that's when he blindsided me with the proposal.
Totally took advantage of me.
Will you marry me? Connect! Connect! Tina, please connect.
Please connect.
I need you.
[ sighs .]
Lord, sweet Lord, please connect me to Tina and please don't let me die out here.
Oh, my God -- my shoe! Aah! What was that? I don't know -- like an elephant or something.
Ricki, that was a human scream.
Because the elephants are eating them.
Let's go! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No! Please don't go.
[ high-pitched voice .]
Help m-e-e-e-e-e! I definitely heard something.
I have to check it out.
Ow! Oh, Val! [ beeper beeps .]
Whoa, hey.
There's my beeper.
I got to get to the firehouse.
[ Both .]
: You're a fireman? [ Lauren .]
: Oh, my God.
One of New York's bravest and muscliest.
Why her? Listen, last night was fun, huh? Yeah, it was a kick.
Bye.
Yeah, okay.
Bye.
[ laughs .]
Youme married, huh? It's gonna make a hell of a story.
[ door closes .]
What are you doing? Looking for a lawyer.
[ gasps .]
You pig! - You're already married to a fireman! - Not for long.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Fireman are getting an annulment.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Okay.
You have been given a gift.
God made you drunk and sent you a husband.
Not just anyone -- someone you already had a thing for.
We kissed once, and then he moved to California.
Mmm.
Story of my life.
Lauren, this is insane.
He knows it, I know it, and we are getting it annulled today.
Okay, fine.
But you got to admit Smokey has a point.
This is gonna make one hell of a story.
[ giggles .]
[ both laugh .]
It is kind of funny.
[ laughing .]
It is.
[ laughter continues .]
You tell anyone, I will kill you.
Hey, what can I get you guys? Yeah, we'll start with a couple of lattes.
Do you know of any available sublets in this neighborhood? Mmmnah, sorry, man, I don't.
Well, if you hear of anything, we can spend $3,000 a month.
Heard of something.
Yeah, as luck would have it, both of my roommates are gone for a few months.
Oh, but, damn, damn! See, my place runs for $4,000.
We can only go as high as $3,000.
Wellsince we brothers Wow, man, that's so cool.
Where are you moving? On up.
[ chuckles .]
To the east side.
[ chuckles .]
To a deluxe apartment.
[ laughs .]
When I lie Tina, you be safe out here on them streets.
What? Girl, you didn't hear? You see those guys over there? Undercover cops.
Mm-hmm.
See, they told me that there was this dangerous prowler running loose in the neighborhood, and the first thing that came to my mind was poor Tina, all alone in a big old loft apartment.
You got a jacuzzi, right? Okay, what prowler? You're scaring me.
So what you're saying is you want me to move in right away and protect you till they catch him.
All right.
Gary? [ cell phone rings .]
[ Miami Sound Machine's "Conga" plays .]
Tina, where are you? Answer your phone.
It's not like you do anything.
[ beep .]
Tina, I need you.
Nothing went as planned.
I am stranded in Florida.
Ricki was there.
I had to hide in the backseat of the car, and I lost my wallet, and now I have no credit card and no money.
And I'm hungry, Tina! I am so hungry! Hello.
Wow, that's a pretty big hot dog for such a little girl.
Sweetie do you think maybe I could have a little bite of that? I'm real hungry.
Didn't mama teach you to share, pumpkin? Mommy taught me not to talk to strangers.
Oh, well, I'm Holly Tyler.
It's nice to meet you.
- You are? - Not giving you my hot dog.
You know, if I wasn't so weak from hunger, I'd kick your little ass.
[ whining .]
Wow, that's a pretty big corn dog for such a little man.
[ laughs .]
Well, lucky for you, my mommy taught me to share, unlike that little girl.
- She was mean.
- So mean! Thank you, kind sir.
That's so nice.
- I'm Jonathan.
- Mmm, Holly.
Would you like some lemonade? Yeah, I didn't want to push, but french fries do kind of make you thirsty.
I didn't get any fries.
Could you? [ laughs .]
[ cell phone rings .]
Oh.
Oh, finally.
- Excuse me.
I have to take this.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, where are you? Are you okay? No, everything's not fine.
We need to talk.
Okay, where is that? Okay, fine.
I'll meet you at Chili's.
Chili's?! I meanI hope everything's okay.
I'm kind of in the middle of a family crisis right now.
I'm sorry.
I need to go meet my sister at Chili's.
Mmm.
No, go.
But, boy, do they have excellent baby back ribs there.
I am so relieved.
All I have to do is go down to the firehouse, get Vic to sign these annulment papers, and then this whole margatini marriage is over.
Hey, gorgeous.
What are you doing here? Well, I got off work a little early, so I figured I'd whip us up some dinner.
Well.
How'd you get in? You gave me the key last night -- you know, because we're married.
Well, give it back, 'cause in about 10 seconds we're gonna not be married anymore, 'cause you're gonna sign these annulment papers, see? Remember this morning when you said it was gonna be a really funny story? Well, ha ha.
[ sighs deeply .]
Give me the pen.
There you go.
[ clears throat .]
Here you go.
[ Val .]
: Y-you didn't sign here.
Yeah.
I'm not gonna, baby.
Say what, baby? I don't want to end this marriage.
No.
[ laughs nervously .]
No, no.
- You have to.
- Why? Because you're an adulterer! No, I'm not.
Want to be? So that's it.
I missed my chance.
I never should have let Vince leave New York without telling him.
Whoops.
[ chuckles .]
I'm sorry -- wait.
Here I am talking about me and Vincent.
You have a crisis with your sister.
- Talk to me.
- I don't know, Holly.
It's like my sister doesn't think sometimes.
Totally me! I mean, if I would have just thought, then maybe Vince and I -- Sorry.
Me again.
So, um, go on and tell me.
- Your sister doesn't think.
- Or listen.
Listen? You know who I shouldn't have listened to? Ricki.
No, Lauren.
Wait.
How do you know Ricki? My sister's here.
- Are you okay? - I'm fine.
What is wrong with you, Rick? You can't pick up and drive to Florida with some guy.
Mom and Dad were so scared.
You! Holly Tyler! Shhhhh! Okay.
Please don't say my name out loud, okay? - Why not, Holly Tyler?! - Shhhh! There's someone here -- him -- who can't know I'm here.
- Got it? - Who, Holly Tyler?! Holly Tyler! Shut up! Why, Holly Tyler? I don't know why.
Will you at least call Mom and Dad and tell them you're okay so they stop calling me? Fine, I'll call them, but I'm not leaving here.
Neither am I.
Holly.
What are you doing here? [ Ricki .]
: Yeah.
What are you doing here? Vince? This is the same Vince? You're the one -- I'm gonna get a drink.
Holly, why are you here? She obviously followed us here.
She's a stalker.
No, I'm not a stalker, and I didn't follow you.
I hid in your backseat.
You're so stupid.
And for good reason.
Look, there's something that I've been trying to tell you for a long time, and I am sick of being unsure and scared and embarrassed.
I love you, Vince.
And this may not be the right time and you may have already moved on, but I am not going back to New York until I tell you that I am completely and totally in love with you.
[ mid-tempo music plays .]
That's it.
I said it.
I'm sorry.
[ clears throat .]
Holly Okay, a deal's a deal.
I had your dinner, which was delicious.
I particularly liked the little baby carrots.
The candles were nice, too.
Well, I'm a nice guy.
Yes, you are, And you're attractive and charming and funny.
And you have that incredible "v" thing happening with your back.
But it's just not what I'm looking for.
Why not? I sound adorable.
Because this is insane.
I mean, this is not how people do this.
Val, you and me -- it's fate.
Okay, I know it.
Look, why were we both in Atlantic City last night at that bar? Because I was thrown out of the two before.
You always got funny when you were nervous.
You think I'm funny? Yes.
Yes, I think you're very funny.
See? I know things about you no one else knows.
No one else thinks I'm funny? Val Why didn't we get together three years ago? 'Cause I wasn't drinking then.
[ chuckles .]
No.
Fate, Val.
Now, look, when I left my P.
R.
firm, I had everything a guy could possibly want.
I had women, money, a Porsche.
I even tried out a couple guys.
- What? - I'm just seeing if you're listening.
But I gave it all up because I felt nothing.
But the day I joined the fire department, I finally got it.
For the first time in my life, I felt happy -- like I had come home.
And last night, I saw you and those big, beautiful, red eyes looking up at me.
And I felt it again, Val.
Twice.
Twice in my whole life.
I can't give that up.
That's really sweet, Vic, but, um I just -- I don't think this -- Just please, please, stop thinking.
No, I have to think.
That's what I do, and I didn't think last night, and that's how this happened.
No, this happened because that's how you felt.
No, okay, stop telling me how I feel, all right? You have no idea how I feel.
We're having our first fight as husband and wife.
Ooh! You want to go make up? No, I want you to sign the papers.
[ clears throat .]
I'm really tired.
I don't want to talk about this any more tonight.
I understand.
We'll deal with it first thing tomorrow, okay? Good night.
Good night.
Tina, please! Please.
Please.
Oh, Jonathan, thank you.
Vince? Listen, you didn't have to come here.
I totally get it.
I just -- I waited too long.
Holly, I didn't say "I'm sorry" to you.
You said it to the troubled Ricki? I told Ricki how sorry I was and what a great girl she is, butI'm in love with you.
Really? Oh, my God, you mean it! More than you know.
There's something there inside And I'm waiting every day But you have never got the time For this one lover
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