What I Like About You (2002) s04e14 Episode Script

Your Money Or Your Wife

Ooh, Val, did Vic get back from the doctor's yet? Is his pelvis fixed? Can he do it? Can he do it? He hasn't gone to the doctor yet.
I don't even know what time his appointment is -- It is so exciting.
Two people who have yearned for each other desperately, a tragic fire, a broken pelvis.
Hey, you're not wearing your granny panties, are you? All I want Vince to do is acknowledge that Robyn is after him.
Why can't he do that, Tina? Oh, my God, and why can't he trust me? If he would just trust.
Oh, my God, am I alive? 'Cause I think I was just bored to death.
Who peed in your granola? I'm sorry, but you and Vince have been on this, like "thinking break" for like two weeks now and it is driving me crazy.
Why won't you just talk to him? If we talk, we're gonna break up and I don't want to break up.
I love her.
Oh, my gosh.
Come on, dude.
You two have got to stop acting like little children.
Just talk to her.
You're right.
This is ridiculous.
The two of us need to sit down and discuss our relationship.
But Holly's never gonna respect me if I keep acting like a baby.
Oh, my God, she's here! What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whisperin' in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true That's what I like about you That's what I like about you That's what I like about you, you, you That's what I like about you That's what I like about you That's what I like about Uh-huh Uh-huh It's what I like about you [ laughing .]
Hey, you guys, go sit down, sit down.
Oh, hey, that's her.
Oh, my God, you weren't kidding.
She's stunning.
Hey, baby, hi.
Marcus, this is Val, my wife.
Val, this is Marcus, one of my buddies from the station.
Hi.
It's so nice to finally meet one of Vic's fire people.
Look at you two -- Vic and Val, Val and Vic.
So are you as anxious about 3:30 as he is? - 2:30.
- It's the time of my appointment.
Okay, so, uh, Marcus, can I get you a cup of coffee or a muffin? Me llamo muffin.
Hey, muffin.
Marcus, come on, sit down.
Wow, Vic, you got to bring your gorgeous wife down to the station so the guys can see that you have not been exaggerating.
Oh, well, your muffin's free.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, I insist.
Any friend of Vic's that tells me I'm gorgeous gets a free muffin and a coffee.
No, Val, really.
I got three guys with me.
Well, for all of them, okay? Come on, it's the least I can do.
You guys risk your lives for us every day.
We'll call it The Fireman's Special.
Oh, well, my fireman's special includes Oh! [ laughs .]
Oh, I love steak! Tina! Ti-i-i-i-i-na-a-a-a-a! What? What do you think Vince is thinking about right now? Do you think he's wondering about what I'm wondering about? Oh, good God.
I'm going to get coffee.
[ gasps .]
Vince loves coffee.
He didn't start drinking coffee till he was like 18, but then he couldn't stop drinking it.
That was rude.
I can't take it anymore.
She is such a dud.
Well, have you sat down and talked to Vince lately? [ cellphone ringing .]
Would you like to? Oh, let me guess -- he wants to come to the bakery, but he needs to make sure Holly's not here? I'm so sick of trying to keep those two apart.
Okay, how stupid are we? I know how stupid you are.
What if we don't do such a good job of keeping them apart anymore? And they accidentally run into each other.
Thus forcing them to talk.
And rectifying our social dilemma.
- I'll call you when it's go time.
- Cool.
[ cellphone beeps .]
Oh, text message from Holly.
She misses me.
[ squeals .]
He's okay, he's okay! Vic just called.
The doctor gave him a clean bill of health.
Oh, congratulations, you lucky bitch.
Ooh, what's going on? Did fireman school just let out? I know -- a sea of gorgeous men in tight t-shirts.
It's like a gay bar with hope.
This is such a great day.
My husband is healthy.
Business is booming.
Ooh, you know what I'm gonna do? A register tally.
Okay, well, I hope you can count to zero.
All those guys are eating for free.
They're firemen.
Remember The Fireman's Special? So, all these fire people are eating for free? Lauren, what did you do? Oh, you started it.
"Oh, it's the least I can do.
- You risk your lives every day.
" - Shut up! Ow! Oh, my God.
I can't afford this.
It's $2 a muffin times [ mumbling .]
That's $10,920.
Ooh, we have fireman and "Rain Man.
" Hi.
Refill? No, no, you're done.
Well, Val, the fireman special includes free refills.
Not anymore, no.
No more free stuff, fellas.
I don't come to your firehouse and use your hoses.
That's it.
One time only.
That's why they call it a special.
Okay, well, I'm gonna get going, but thank you so much for listening to me.
No, no, you can't leave yet.
You know, I forgot how old was Vince when he started drinking coffee.
You weren't listening to me! Okay, I'll tell you again.
He was about 18 Come on, man, Beyoncé's probably already shot her video, is getting into the limo, and is headed to -- Oh, hello.
There is no Beyoncé video, is there, Gary? Hey, I'm sorry, man, but desperate times calls for desperate measures.
- Unbelievable! - No, no, no, no, no.
You two are gonna talk and settle this.
- No! - Yes, and you know why? Because it's sucking up all our free minutes.
Shoot, it'd be only one thing if they were calling us nights and weekends.
[ Vince thinking .]
: Don't say a word.
Don't worry.
- Ho-Holly.
- I wasn't going to say any -- oh, my God.
Just give me your money and I won't hurt you.
Yes, and our valuables.
Let's give him our valuables, Vince.
Oh, right, thanks.
[ keys jingling .]
Oh, he's here, he's here.
What, what? Yes, Lauren, I changed the granny panties.
Hey, baby.
Hey.
Ooh! Mmm! Mmm! [ chuckles .]
What is all this? Oh, well this is for before.
This is for after.
And this is for during.
Well, hurry up and pop the before so we can get to the during.
The whole fireman's special thing.
Mm-hmm? Yeah, I know it's stupid, but the guys were a little bent out of shape that you took it away.
But don't worry.
The whole thing will blow over when you go down there tomorrow and apologize.
What? You missed a spot.
Wait, so you want me to apologize because they're upset that I didn't give them free food? Uh, no, actually they were more upset at the way you took it away.
I think the word they used was something like "curt.
" Ooh, God, you smell so good.
Hey, hey, hey, you don't get to smell me.
Okay.
Uh, and I was not curt, just so you know.
I was being a businesswoman.
Okay, okay.
Well, let's get down to business, woman.
You know, I can't believe that the big, strong firemen are upset.
[ scoffs .]
Honey, they do have a right to be a little hurt.
Oh, hmm.
So you're gonna just agree with them, huh? Well, baby, come on, now.
Look, you know that you offered them something and then you took it away, okay? These guys, well, they're like my family.
You know, like you.
[ chuckles .]
You know what? They are being really immature.
They're not being firemen.
They're being firebabies.
[ laughs .]
Excuse me? Well, I mean, you're talking about my brothers here.
You may as well call me a fire baby.
All right, then.
You're a fire baby.
Hmm? Fire baby, fire baby, fire baby.
Okay, you know what? Suddenly I am not in the mood for all of this.
Oh, good! Then why don't you go down to the fire station and sleep with your fire baby brothers? Oh, okay.
You know what? Maybe I will.
Good! Good! Okay.
Baby want his ba-ba? Ohh! I would ask you for the strawberries, but I'm afraid you'd charge me for them.
That's a burn! Is there anything you could recollect about maybe how he looked? dark hair with that fake black dye job, knock-off jeans with very realistic wear holes.
Photographic memory? I couldn't tell.
Uh, relationship? Oh, he was a stranger.
I mean you two guys.
Uh We're still thinking about that.
See, Vince is working with his ex-girlfriend who's totally after him.
Holly, please don't start this Robyn stuff again.
It's her fault we got mugged.
If she weren't in love with you, we never would have been on a thinking break and been standing where that mugger -- She's not in love with me.
She's my business partner.
She's done nothing but help.
Oh, my God.
Okay, well, if that's what you want to believe, then fine.
But I know something you don't know.
What do you know? I promised Robyn that I wouldn't tell.
What are you talking about? If I tell you what I promised, then I would be telling you.
Tell me.
I can't.
Can you tell me? Well, Robyn never said that I couldn't tell you.
- So, Robyn fired him -- remember? - She had -- Remember how you were rehired five minutes later? Did you ever wonder why? Why? Because I went back that day to beg Robyn to give you your job back.
And instead I struck a deal with the devil.
I suppose we could make a deal.
You rock! Rockin' Robyn.
Vince comes back if you never show up at work again.
What's that, Rockin' Robyn? And if you do show up, Vince will be fired.
[ laughs .]
Oh, my God, I knew it.
You are trying to steal my boyfriend.
Wow, pretty and smart.
Oh, my God.
I know, right? I can't believe it.
Why didn't you ever tell me? Uh, she promised.
That's it.
I'm quitting.
Quitting? No.
Vince, you don't have to quit just so long as you believe me.
We can be on the same page, and we can deal with her.
Holly, I can't work with her now, and I have to tell her that.
And nobody threatens my girlfriend like that.
You said "girlfriend.
" So we're not thinking anymore? Who are we kidding? We were never thinking.
Aw, I'm really glad this worked out for you guys 'cause the chance of you getting your stuff back is like zero.
[ clears throat .]
Hey, Vin, what's up? Robyn, I'm gonna have to quit.
Quit? Why? You told Holly she can't come see me at work.
Yes, that's exactly what I said.
Don't try to deny it, Robyn.
What? I told her to stay away because it interfered with your work and that you would be distracted.
Yeah, well -- You also said that you were going after my man.
No, actually, I didn't.
You did.
Twister! She's totally twisting all the words.
Twister! Twister, twister! - Holly, stop.
- Twister.
Vin, I'm sorry if she misinterpreted what I said, but I'm not interested in you in that way.
Oh, please.
Holly, can I just -- Baby, we're talking.
You love him.
Vince, she's totally lying.
Hey, sweetie.
Guys, this is Jeff, my boyfriend.
- Your boyfriend? - Your boyfriend? Okay, so now all of a sudden you have a boyfriend? For two years.
So, how come we have never met him before? We like to separate business and pleasure.
I don't go to his office and he doesn't come to mine.
She's making this up.
He's an actor.
I've seen him in a deodorant commercial.
Holly -- What? She's got a boyfriend.
Wait, so you think I'm making this up? You think I'm a liar? Oh, my God.
Vin, look, Daddy and I would love for you to stay.
So if you change your mind, you know where to find me.
Come on, baby.
All right! Fantastic 4, back together again.
Ha ha! [ cellphones ring .]
- Holly! - Vince! [ infomercial on TV .]
[ TV turns off .]
Baby, I am so sorry.
I never should've walked out.
I should've just stayed here so the two of us could've talked about it laughed about it.
[ giggles loudly .]
Val? No.
Lauren?! Why didn't you tell me? Well, you seemed so into it.
Okay, where is Val and what are you doing here? Well, after your big fight, I came over here to calm her down and eat your romantic dinner.
Shrimp has a very small window.
So where is she? At the firehouse.
Thanks to me, she's going down there to apologize to you.
She did? [ chuckles .]
[ both chuckle .]
Okay, Vic, we can't.
She's my best friend, your wife.
We mustn't let our hearts get the better of our heads.
You go your way.
I'll go mine.
Well, no one's ever slammed the door before the sex.
Nope.
His bunk's empty.
Look how nice he makes it, just like my mommy.
Oh, uh, look, could you do me a favor? When you see him, just tell him to come home.
Sure.
One more thing.
Um, you and I are okay about the whole fireman's special thing? Well, yes, now that you explained it in a nice way with polite words.
I would love to feed the whole squad for free, but I just can't afford to.
Of course you can't, and I'll explain to the guys.
No more free food.
You'll just give it to me.
[ laughs .]
Hi.
Hi.
Perhaps you'd like some privacy? Yo, everybody up and out! Let's go! Vic and Val need some alone time! Let's go, let's go, let's go! Scramble, boys! We got a man in need! I'll put a sign on the door, bro.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I don't want to be right anymore.
I just want to be right here in your arms.
Good, because this is exactly where I want you to be.
Come on, let's go home.
Whoa, whoa.
Wait, why? I mean, there is a sign on the door, and we are all alone.
Are you saying -- Oh, I think you know what I'm saying.
[ both chuckle .]
Okay, well, right here in the firehouse? Right here, right now.
But that's not what our tax dollars are for.
Oh.
You're serious.
Okay.
I love you.
I love you, too.
What the hell is that? We're the 1 millionth customer.
It's a fire alarm! Okay, I'll see you in the morning, baby.
Listen, just be careful, okay? Be careful with your pelvis and your feet and your legs and your arms and your head and your ears and your nose.
- Just be careful.
- Okay, all right.
Where's my stuff?! [ exhales .]
Look, Vince, I never wanted you to quit your job.
I just -- I wanted you to believe what I said about Robyn.
I want to believe you, but -- "But" -- see? There's still questions going on in your head and you should trust me 100%.
Isn't it possible you're letting your imagination run away? No.
She's lying.
She has a boyfriend.
How many times do I have to go through this with you? Either you believe me or not.
Too long.
[ sighs .]
Look I don't think I can do this anymore.
Do what? This -- us.
Whenever we're together, I'm always gonna feel like you don't believe me.
I'll try to get past it and I'll try to let it go, but I'm not gonna be able to.
I don't know what to say.
Maybe we should go back to thinking for a while.
No, I think that we're done.
Done thinking? No.
Just done.
Ho-Holly -- [ door slams .]
Oh, my damn! Hold me!
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