What/If (2019) s01e06 Episode Script
What History
1 [CASTRO BARKS.]
[LISA.]
Oh, my God! [LAUGHS.]
[GROANS.]
Good morning.
Good morning.
What you got there? Oh, my God.
Todd and Angela look so cute.
Oh, I recognize her, she was at our wedding.
Yeah, Christine.
Captain of the cheer squad.
Not to mention the genius behind the '80s theme for our prom.
Who's the young James Spader? It's Billy.
Christine's ex, total disaster.
I haven't seen him in forever.
It'll be fun to have your old crew here for the weekend.
Including Maddie, assuming you're planning to storm the reunion as the Brat Pack.
I've gotta tell you something.
Maddie OD'd.
She's dead.
Uh Sean I'm so sorry.
[STAMMERS.]
That moment when she called, you and I were so close to the edge, I didn't know if we were gonna make it.
Now here we are, stronger for it.
So I'm not saying I'd change everything, but I just wish I'd known she needed my help.
Sean.
This is not on you.
It's not your job to save everybody.
Yeah, maybe this is a terrible idea, bringing these people into our house, dragging me back to what my life was like before you.
Or maybe it's exactly what you need.
I know I said we should live our lives looking forward, but when something like this happens, it's important to surround yourself with friends and memories, and besides It won't just be them, I'll be there too.
[PHONE VIBRATING.]
[GROANS.]
Before you say anything, keep in mind my brain feels like it was scraped off the bottom of a shoe.
[MAN.]
No doubt.
You were in rare form last night.
I just hope Lionel's a good nurse.
The best, but unfortunately, he's off-duty while I was busy terrorizing our relationship with alcohol and self-loathing, I totally forgot Lionel was heading out of town on a realtor's retreat.
You two are okay though? Until my next meltdown.
I don't think Lionel knew what he was signing up for with me.
What are you up to while he's gone? Moping around, feeling powerless over our country's dehumanizing immigration system while trying not to toss my groceries.
You? I'm going to do some shinrin-yoku with some yogi pals.
Some what now? Forest bathing.
Open invitation if you wanna join.
Is that yoganese for camping? Because I don't do camping.
Well, before Lionel, you didn't date guys either.
I'm telling you, nothing heals like nature.
Woods, bugs.
Dehydrated food that tastes worse when rehydrated Uh-uh.
I'll find some Bear Grylls to binge.
But you're sweet for checking in on me though.
- Thanks anyway.
- You bet.
VC giant Gage Scott, announcing a billion dollar lawsuit against Montgomery Capital this morning, and right now he joins us on the phone.
Mr.
Scott, good morning.
What's your charge? Tortious interference, Alex.
I'm glad you asked.
Anne Montgomery is a leech that I will no longer feed.
[ALEX.]
Break that down for us.
[GAGE.]
Well, she violated my contractually exclusive option to fund what is poised to be a massive biotech start-up, Emigen Molecular Sequencing.
Well, biotech has never been Montgomery's space.
Oh, exactly.
She had to convince my head of acquisition to breach his NDA to procure it.
Now, I demand retribution for the immeasurable harm done to myself - and to my pocketbook.
- [PHONE LINE RINGING.]
Hang on.
I'm in the middle of something here.
Don't forget the part about the girl.
I think we're having technical difficulties.
Can you hear me? Wait.
I'm still here.
Uh Let me just finish by saying that while Emigen itself is a bullish investment, its CEO is a girl too green to know what a history-making commodity that she's stumbled onto.
Now, I hope this is a wake-up call for Lisa Ruiz-Donovan.
Not all angel investors have halos.
So when you were at Anne's apartment last night, you're sure that no one saw you take these pictures? Uh No one else was in Anne's study, but that doesn't mean no one saw.
I mean, I'm not saying you should join witness protection, but none of what I'm seeing matches any public records.
It's gonna take some Bond level decoding.
Thank you for doing this.
The fact that you're still willing to help even after You whipped your checkbook out at me? Yeah, that was a low point in our friendship.
I'm really sorry.
[SIGHS.]
Well, if it helps your pitch-black conscience, you were right, this definitely feels bigger than us.
These coordinates that were in the journal match a Botswanan diamond mine, owned by someone with the initials of LS, purchased in March of '95.
And it just sold to a private party last week.
Anne was still getting her MBA at Cambridge in 1995.
Look.
LS everywhere.
What do you think it stands for? Ladies serpent? Lingering stench? Ah, Avery mentioned a rumor about a private multinational investor poaching Anne from the Bank of London, when she was an intern.
- Okay, I'll start there.
- So do you forgive me? Hmm.
Too soon.
But I may reconsider if you tell me what drove you spy-swipe her ledger in the first place.
Anne told me she trusts me.
[BOTH.]
"Trust is the most dangerous thing you can give away.
" Do you think she's setting you up? [PHONE VIBRATING.]
Ugh.
Him.
Go ahead, pick up.
Get out of here while I still half hate you.
[PHONE VIBRATING.]
Hey, can I call you back? What do you mean, we're being sued? A billion dollars? The NDA I signed only covered contract agents.
Lisa wasn't exclusive to Gage Scott.
She courted half the VCs in town.
What the hell is going on? [SCOFFS.]
I can't believe I fell for it.
Fell for what? This whole thing is just propaganda meant to aim a spotlight on Emigen, create a public demand for it.
The lawsuit is bullshit? Oh, the turtle almost passed you.
What does he get out of it? Well, that's between the two of us.
You didn't have to drag Lisa into the mud with you.
Oh, settle down, puppy.
Be a good little number two.
Well, in this case, she's the number two, which makes you the number three.
Anne, if we're gonna do this, I need you to treat me like an equal.
You said you trusted me.
Make me believe it.
Name your terms.
Stop making decisions about Emigen without consulting with me.
Wait, you're seriously okay with what they're doing here? The result justifies the deed.
I'll release a statement to the media in response to the lawsuit, field the interview requests, give them whatever they want.
By the time we're done everyone in the world will have heard of Emigen and our discovery.
What happens next? We leverage the limelight, get an FDA panel to convene on a market fast track as soon as possible.
How soon is that? Well, the FDA is in session, so Will wonders never cease.
With Gage's connections, we could slide onto their calendar as soon as next week.
Well, that's assuming that Lisa follows through with her part in the tactical plan.
Looking forward to it.
Oh, I think you lost her to the dark side, Avery.
The section of the skull that we've removed from Mr.
Garcia's decompressive craniectomy will be frozen until the swelling in the brain goes down.
Dr.
Harris - Step away from the patient, Dr.
Evans.
- What the hell is this? I need you to come with me, now.
That woman's a liar.
Everybody knows it.
- Kara, tell her what she did.
- We have a recording.
- I don't - Kara, speak up.
Let's go, Dr.
Evans.
This is bullshit! [DOOR CLOSES.]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
[PHONE CHIMES.]
Hi.
Hi.
- I thought you were going camping.
- Never said where.
My pals opted out of forest bathing for a leather party in Marin County.
So much for communing with nature.
Well, sometimes it's just as essential to commune with your fellow man.
In this case, you're the man.
I'm huh? Don't argue, just go with it.
Beats the hell out of bingeing Bear Grylls.
Though we both know you meant Queer Eye.
Move that for me? - Why are we rearranging the furniture? - We're not.
We're pitching a tent.
Which in my experience, is at least twice as fun with a buddy.
So that's it? Dr.
Drama is out of your life for good? Well, they're not letting him into the building, if that's what you mean.
But the residents, they praise him like a god, so things won't exactly be easy for me moving forward.
As hard as anyone tries to make it my money's still on you.
All I know is that I am not taking Todd or this baby or you guys, or anybody else who's sane or kind, for granted ever again.
Thank you for sticking by my side, Lis and not judging me.
We all make mistakes.
Not everyone has what it takes to get past them, let alone correct them.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[GROANS.]
- Ah, there it is.
- This is the last piece.
Thanks for pulling all this together so fast, guys.
Come on, you know the Wolverines are on it.
'Cause we are the wolves The mighty, mighty wolves We're in it to win it We'll fight until we get it Come on, Donovan.
You say orange, we say black - Orange, black - Let's go pack [HOWLING.]
So how much high school spirit should I prepare myself for? Christine will definitely remind you that she was cheer captain, and her fiancé Paul is anybody's guess, considering she - dated Billy.
- Yeah.
No one's favorite short stop.
Who will definitely remind you more than once per minute that he is now this big time commercial director.
Billy the disaster? Todd posted about Maddie and Billy reached out, fishing for an invite.
I didn't have the heart to say no.
People change, right? Ten years is a long time.
[DOORBELL.]
Oh, who is this? - Hi.
Welcome.
Come in.
- Hi.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, hi.
Oh, my God, you guys.
- How awesome is this? - Hey.
[GROAN.]
[ANGELA.]
What's up? And horrible, Sean.
I'm so completely devastated for you.
But let's not start on that note.
Lisa, how is it possible you look more gorgeous than your wedding day? Uh, thank you.
And I'm guessing you're Paul.
Yes, everyone, this is my fiancé Paul.
- What's up, Paul? - Don't stand there like a lunk, Paul.
Come in and meet everyone.
Still playing the lunk card, Tine.
Oh, this guy.
Some nice digs, Donovan.
Can't keep a good man down, eh? Unless, of course, this pretty little thing is the one on top.
Billy.
Enchanté.
I learned French on the drive over.
Sean, why don't you give your friends a tour and I'm gonna grab the appetizers.
Baby monitor.
[DRILL WHIRRING.]
Oh, Paul? Paul Hey, Paul, what business are you in? He's a petroleum engineer.
Hmm.
Gas, man, huh? You know that I've been directing national commercials since before I graduated USC? Oh, art imitating idiocy.
Hey, Paul, does Christine still whistle through her nose when she ? - Billy! Oh, my God.
- Hey! Gross! Thank you.
Move it! Where's your wife at this weekend, bro? Oh, high school reunions get rowdy.
Why bring sand to the beach, you feel me? Never again, thank you very much.
[ALL LAUGH.]
There you go.
You must be so relieved you're not bartending anymore.
Actually, I liked it.
I'd go in every night, meet new people, leave it all behind when the shift's over.
Yeah, but what about all the gawkers bellying up just to check out an ex ball player's fall from grace? - [ANGELA.]
That's shady.
- [TODD.]
Come on.
How'd you afford this nice pile of grass, anyway? - Lisa is killing it in biotech right now.
- Um-hmm.
Oh, yeah? What are you hawking? Genetically tailored immunity maps.
Hook me up with your marketing team if you strike gold, 'cause nothing sells like saving lives.
Speaking of, Sean and Todd are halfway through their firefighter training.
And Angela is about to finish her surgical residency.
Yeah.
[CHEERING.]
No shit? Kind of hard to believe we all ended up where we ended up based on where it all began.
Know what I think Maddie would want if she were here right now? I think she'd want us to be a part of each other's lives more.
That and a time machine.
It just so happens I brought one.
You guys remember the video I shot on prom night? [ANGELA.]
Um-mm.
- No.
- Mini Tape got stuck in the camcorder I stole from AV back in '09.
No one's seen this sucker since.
Is this something we really wanna watch? - I do.
- All right.
- Yeah.
- I wanna see what you looked like.
Wait.
Longest legal battle in the history of this country, guess.
Mm.
The Myra Clark Gaines estate sale, 1834 to 1891.
Can't imagine it was worth the legal fees.
Considering Myra died six years before it was settled, I doubt she'd disagree with you.
What are you cloying toward? What if I don't agree to settle this little lawsuit of ours? 'Cause I could just drag this on and on.
I am well aware that you would derive sincere pleasure from irritating me - Hm.
Um-hm.
- for life.
Might I suggest something a little more mutually pleasurable? I like the sound of that.
Before I disclose the details I need you to do one more microscopic little favor for me.
Like what? Call in some of those favors you've been doling out to your golf buddies over the years.
Caplan, Hawks, Tillerman, Coy.
I want you to assemble them for me.
Those men are some of my most valuable assets.
Why would I wanna share them with you? Why would you wanna do anything? Hm? Oh, I got plenty of money.
Plenty.
Such a sad little word for a man of your magnitude.
Hm.
Mood killer.
[SCOFFS.]
We have a deal.
I'll make the calls.
Well, the sooner you get started Maybe I do like camping.
This isn't camping.
It's gramping.
'Cause I'm such a grandpa, right? Toilet paper buck knife the disgusting dehydrated food What is this iron square thing? For toast.
Gotta have toast.
It's nice to know there's someone to call when the apocalypse strikes.
You feel better about zombies than you do about bugs? Zombie's aren't real.
Bugs are forever.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Ooh.
Prom night, AKA, National Lose Your Virginity Night.
Oh, my God.
Ooh, look at these two passion ponies, just raring to bust down the stables.
[LAUGHTER.]
Ooh.
Do you think you can keep it in your pants until prom's over, Romeo? Oh, get that out of my face.
No, wait, seriously, since we're channeling the '80s, I have a Back to the Future question for the couple right here.
Where do you see yourself in ten years? Bro, I don't even know where I'm gonna be in ten minutes, all right? Can I stay in high school? Is that an option? With your grades, it's more of a guarantee.
Yo, come on.
All right, Ang.
Um Sudan.
Doctors Without Borders.
- What? - Whoo! Better get that passport, Romeo.
Oh, baby, oh, honey.
Where do you think you'll be in ten years? That is, if you can stop looking at yourself in the mirror.
Probably wondering why I ever dated you, you dumb lunk.
I know why we are dating.
Okay.
Ugh.
Oh, come on, don't fight it.
You know, you still want me.
No offense, Paul.
There she is.
Maddie Carter! - All right! - Oh, yes.
- Yes, work it.
- That's my girl.
- Sean Don.
- Get it, Mad.
Hey, I've got a Back to the Future question for the golden couple.
Where do you guys see yourself in ten years? You more like Kurt and Goldie or Sean and Madonna? Uh, Donovan is an all-star pitcher and I am his wife, slash manager.
I will be the brains behind the brawn.
Hey, I have brains.
I'm married to you, aren't I? Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Party bus is here.
Let's do this, bitches.
[CHEERING.]
Hey, we are the wolves The mighty, mighty wolves We're in it to win it We'll fight until we get it We say orange, you say black Orange, black, let's go pack! [ALL HOWLING.]
East Stockton prom 2009, we about to get you ready.
[MAN.]
Hey! What the fuck's going on down there? - Todd? - Todd? Your dad's en fuego.
Turn it off.
[OVEN BEEPS.]
That would be dinner.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
This would be awkward.
You know, the first portable tents were the yurts and the tepees around 450 BC.
Bet you didn't know that, huh, Marcos.
[ECHOING.]
Marcos, coming inside? You okay? Uh Marcos, have you eaten any chocolate out of that baggie? How many? Four.
Okay.
Don't panic.
- Why shouldn't I panic? - 'Cause everything's fine.
Why wouldn't everything be fine? That chocolate came from Daddy Duke.
Who's Daddy Duke? Burning Man legend.
You just ate a quadruple dose of psilocybin.
That definitely does not sound fine.
It's nothing crazy.
It's just magic mushrooms.
No! Relax.
It's organic.
You don't understand.
I don't do drugs.
Am I gonna die? [LAUGHING.]
If by "die," you mean go on a hero's journey, then, yes.
Hang tight.
I'm coming with you.
Stop.
What are you doing? Give me your hand.
We're getting in the tent.
Chicken Hut asked me to direct their next campaign.
That's nice.
That's awesome, Billy, yeah.
I got food poisoning there.
Lisa have you ever done TV? Because you have a face for it.
I did a Skype interview on TechTalk this morning.
Does that count? What? Why didn't you say something? Because I wanted today to be about you and your friends, something other than my job, for a change.
Damn, Sean, your girl's a baller.
Who's ready for some more wine? - Angela? - Um, half.
Shut the front door.
You two are pregnant again? Yeah, 15 weeks.
Damn, it really is like high school all over again.
Except this time, it makes sense, right? [LAUGHS.]
- Right.
- Right, yeah.
[CHRISTINE.]
That's incredible, isn't it? Even though Maddie's not here, it's like her memory is bringing us all closer.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
My wife's a lesbian.
[COUGHS.]
- What? - Yeah.
She left me for her Pilates instructor last weekend.
[BURPS.]
You wanted closer.
Boom! There you go, we're close.
Hey.
I'm gonna go smoke a joint.
- Uh, backyard? - That way.
Damn, that's rough.
Well, I can't say I blame her.
What a lunk.
Is there more garlic bread? Help yourself, Paul.
[CHRISTINE CLEARS THROAT.]
Mmm.
Why would anyone do this to themselves? Some do it because their lives need a jumpstart.
Others want a radical change in perspective.
Daddy Duke wants to try to meet this tiger woman he keeps dreaming about.
By killing the ego, you awaken into the mystical.
Keep humming if you're digging me.
It's like my head is full of bees.
Whoa! [KEVIN LAUGHS.]
You are so tiny right now.
Like an ant.
Wait.
That's it! Look! Look at what? Out there.
Did you choose those chairs? Is that your rug? You work pro bono.
You can't afford that 75-inch TV.
Where is Marcos in this space? Marcos is tiny in here because Marcos is tiny out there.
Quick, what's your most Marcos-y possession? Something that's a hundred percent you.
It's hard to explain.
You don't need to explain, you just need to get it and put it out there for everyone to see.
Start taking up some physical space to relieve the pressure on your psychic space.
Don't think about it.
Just do it.
That's it? It's an ant-sized statement.
Don't worry.
I think I know how we can make it monumental.
Stay here while I run to my truck.
You're not leaving me here? Never.
What's in the truck? Paint.
[ALEX.]
All of Silicon Valley's abuzz on this one, talking about Gage Scott's billion dollar lawsuit over Anne Montgomery's investment, Emigen Molecular Sequencing.
We have an exclusive Skype interview to bring you right now.
Lisa Ruiz-Donovan, she is the CEO and lead scientist for the company and joins us right now.
I'll let you take the floor from here.
[LISA.]
Thanks for giving me the chance to set the record straight.
Let me remind everyone that Gage Scott has threatened more lawsuits than any VC in town, settled very few of those in his favor, and litigated even fewer.
Mr.
Scott had his chance to be a part of Emigen's historic scientific breakthrough, but threw it away.
Now that clinical trials have proven that our discovery will save millions and millions of lives, he's doing whatever he can to try to get his hands on it.
You've trained your little gremlin well.
She's serving her purpose.
That's for sure.
Got you your meeting.
When? DC.
End of day tomorrow.
I trust that's not inconvenient.
On the contrary.
Now I believe we have some unfinished business.
What's the matter? You didn't actually expect me to feel something? [SCOFFS.]
Well, I suppose, uh there's not enough money in the world for that, is there? Just hurry.
Fuck you, Anne.
You know, whoever damaged you they sure as hell did a good job.
Jesus Christ.
The key is big, bold strokes.
¿Comprende, amigo? More red.
- Looks pretty red.
- More.
No, you.
Whatever's tormenting you in here, throw it up there, to make space in here.
Bigger.
Bigger.
Bigger! Whoo! [HOWLS.]
[HOWLING.]
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT.]
Marcos? - Marcos? - [MARCOS PANTING.]
Marcos, let me in! Marcos? What happened? It's my fault! What? What is? It's my fault.
I did it! - What? What did you do? - I did it! - Shh - [MARCOS SOBBING.]
It's okay.
It's okay.
You're safe.
I've got you.
Just breathe.
You're safe.
It's okay.
Shh [TV STATIC.]
In ten years, I will be a rich-ass director.
Everyone will know my shit.
And I'll have a hot wife and an even hotter side piece.
You know I'm just kidding, Christine.
As long as we're rich, I don't care.
You do you, I'll do me.
How about you do me and I'll do you? Don't be such a perv, Billy.
That's like asking a dog not to lick its balls.
Zoom in on this angelic, little face.
I love this face.
Not as much as I love you.
We're gonna be friends forever and ever and ever.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Ooh, Angela is a little busy right now.
A little busy.
Get it.
Angela, get him.
Get him.
Todd, ooh, Todd Archer.
Oh, fuck you.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Ooh, a threesome.
- [MAN.]
Todd? - [KISS.]
Get your ass up here! Now! Todd's busy, Mr.
Archer.
Busy? Fucking little pansy-ass fucker.
- Holy shit.
- Get the fuck out the way! Dad! Don't! Just chill.
Chill, please! - Don't disrespect me! - I'm not! You disrespecting me in my house, boy? Goddamn it! Stop! Sean, don't! What the fuck? Shit! Sean, stop! Stop, Sean! Sean, stop! You're gonna kill him! You ever touch Todd again, I'll bash your fucking head in! Okay, stop! Sean! We're not allowed to talk about it.
Sean! - Sean! - Sean! Stop! Please! Stop! - Stop! - Look at me! - Stop! - Look at me! [GROANING.]
It's okay.
It's okay.
[TODD.]
The things we didn't know we didn't know, huh? It was so strange, seeing ourselves so young.
Kind of makes you wonder if making plans even makes sense.
You do know our baby can hear you? [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
I'm just saying, like life seems to take you where it wants to go.
If it didn't, you'd be living at South Sudan starting your second tour in Doctors Without Borders.
And who's to say you wouldn't still be with me? Think you really would've wanted me there? If you're asking if things changed because I got pregnant of course they did.
But not because I felt trapped.
It was because for the first time in my life, I had to ask myself what I really wanted.
And I wanted you.
Even if you had to do it all over again? I would still choose you.
[MOANING.]
It's not something I'm proud of.
This thing inside of me.
Where does it come from? I don't know.
When I see someone I love being hurt, I just I see black.
Has it always been there? It started when my brother was killed.
Maybe because I wasn't able to stop what happened to him or maybe there's just something wrong with how I'm put together.
I'll find someplace else to sleep tonight.
No.
[SNIFFLES.]
I need to be close to you.
[MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE.]
Ang What's going on? I Did you ? Did you pull the monitor out of the box? I didn't take it out.
Why would I Because it was in here, baby.
The monitor was in here.
- Why was it in here? - I don't know.
- Are you okay? - No, I I think I'm dreaming this What do you mean, dreaming? Like sleepwalking? Wake and bake? I'm here for Lisa.
Bummer.
Hey, Lisa? There's a hot witch on the front porch looking for you.
Anne.
What are you doing here? Well, you told me to keep you out of the dark where major shifts with Emigen are concerned.
We're flying to DC today.
Wheels up in an hour.
You got us an FDA panel.
Well, I played my part.
But the real credit belongs to you.
Is there any chance that they'll postpone? Tonight is Sean's ten-year reunion.
I can only assume you're joking.
This is a make-or-break opportunity to realize your life's work.
She's right.
You have to go.
I don't wanna leave unless you promise me you'll be okay.
I'm okay.
It's one night apart.
This is big.
Soak it in.
I'll be waiting right here for you when you get home.
- I love you.
- I love you.
Go pack.
Sorry to have to rain on your parade.
Pretty sure the force at work here isn't the weather.
When will you realize the only force here is your wife? And one to be reckoned with.
I can imagine how important reliving the glory days must be for a man such as yourself.
Have fun in Stockton and all those ghosts.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING.]
[MUSIC FADES OUT.]
[LISA.]
Oh, my God! [LAUGHS.]
[GROANS.]
Good morning.
Good morning.
What you got there? Oh, my God.
Todd and Angela look so cute.
Oh, I recognize her, she was at our wedding.
Yeah, Christine.
Captain of the cheer squad.
Not to mention the genius behind the '80s theme for our prom.
Who's the young James Spader? It's Billy.
Christine's ex, total disaster.
I haven't seen him in forever.
It'll be fun to have your old crew here for the weekend.
Including Maddie, assuming you're planning to storm the reunion as the Brat Pack.
I've gotta tell you something.
Maddie OD'd.
She's dead.
Uh Sean I'm so sorry.
[STAMMERS.]
That moment when she called, you and I were so close to the edge, I didn't know if we were gonna make it.
Now here we are, stronger for it.
So I'm not saying I'd change everything, but I just wish I'd known she needed my help.
Sean.
This is not on you.
It's not your job to save everybody.
Yeah, maybe this is a terrible idea, bringing these people into our house, dragging me back to what my life was like before you.
Or maybe it's exactly what you need.
I know I said we should live our lives looking forward, but when something like this happens, it's important to surround yourself with friends and memories, and besides It won't just be them, I'll be there too.
[PHONE VIBRATING.]
[GROANS.]
Before you say anything, keep in mind my brain feels like it was scraped off the bottom of a shoe.
[MAN.]
No doubt.
You were in rare form last night.
I just hope Lionel's a good nurse.
The best, but unfortunately, he's off-duty while I was busy terrorizing our relationship with alcohol and self-loathing, I totally forgot Lionel was heading out of town on a realtor's retreat.
You two are okay though? Until my next meltdown.
I don't think Lionel knew what he was signing up for with me.
What are you up to while he's gone? Moping around, feeling powerless over our country's dehumanizing immigration system while trying not to toss my groceries.
You? I'm going to do some shinrin-yoku with some yogi pals.
Some what now? Forest bathing.
Open invitation if you wanna join.
Is that yoganese for camping? Because I don't do camping.
Well, before Lionel, you didn't date guys either.
I'm telling you, nothing heals like nature.
Woods, bugs.
Dehydrated food that tastes worse when rehydrated Uh-uh.
I'll find some Bear Grylls to binge.
But you're sweet for checking in on me though.
- Thanks anyway.
- You bet.
VC giant Gage Scott, announcing a billion dollar lawsuit against Montgomery Capital this morning, and right now he joins us on the phone.
Mr.
Scott, good morning.
What's your charge? Tortious interference, Alex.
I'm glad you asked.
Anne Montgomery is a leech that I will no longer feed.
[ALEX.]
Break that down for us.
[GAGE.]
Well, she violated my contractually exclusive option to fund what is poised to be a massive biotech start-up, Emigen Molecular Sequencing.
Well, biotech has never been Montgomery's space.
Oh, exactly.
She had to convince my head of acquisition to breach his NDA to procure it.
Now, I demand retribution for the immeasurable harm done to myself - and to my pocketbook.
- [PHONE LINE RINGING.]
Hang on.
I'm in the middle of something here.
Don't forget the part about the girl.
I think we're having technical difficulties.
Can you hear me? Wait.
I'm still here.
Uh Let me just finish by saying that while Emigen itself is a bullish investment, its CEO is a girl too green to know what a history-making commodity that she's stumbled onto.
Now, I hope this is a wake-up call for Lisa Ruiz-Donovan.
Not all angel investors have halos.
So when you were at Anne's apartment last night, you're sure that no one saw you take these pictures? Uh No one else was in Anne's study, but that doesn't mean no one saw.
I mean, I'm not saying you should join witness protection, but none of what I'm seeing matches any public records.
It's gonna take some Bond level decoding.
Thank you for doing this.
The fact that you're still willing to help even after You whipped your checkbook out at me? Yeah, that was a low point in our friendship.
I'm really sorry.
[SIGHS.]
Well, if it helps your pitch-black conscience, you were right, this definitely feels bigger than us.
These coordinates that were in the journal match a Botswanan diamond mine, owned by someone with the initials of LS, purchased in March of '95.
And it just sold to a private party last week.
Anne was still getting her MBA at Cambridge in 1995.
Look.
LS everywhere.
What do you think it stands for? Ladies serpent? Lingering stench? Ah, Avery mentioned a rumor about a private multinational investor poaching Anne from the Bank of London, when she was an intern.
- Okay, I'll start there.
- So do you forgive me? Hmm.
Too soon.
But I may reconsider if you tell me what drove you spy-swipe her ledger in the first place.
Anne told me she trusts me.
[BOTH.]
"Trust is the most dangerous thing you can give away.
" Do you think she's setting you up? [PHONE VIBRATING.]
Ugh.
Him.
Go ahead, pick up.
Get out of here while I still half hate you.
[PHONE VIBRATING.]
Hey, can I call you back? What do you mean, we're being sued? A billion dollars? The NDA I signed only covered contract agents.
Lisa wasn't exclusive to Gage Scott.
She courted half the VCs in town.
What the hell is going on? [SCOFFS.]
I can't believe I fell for it.
Fell for what? This whole thing is just propaganda meant to aim a spotlight on Emigen, create a public demand for it.
The lawsuit is bullshit? Oh, the turtle almost passed you.
What does he get out of it? Well, that's between the two of us.
You didn't have to drag Lisa into the mud with you.
Oh, settle down, puppy.
Be a good little number two.
Well, in this case, she's the number two, which makes you the number three.
Anne, if we're gonna do this, I need you to treat me like an equal.
You said you trusted me.
Make me believe it.
Name your terms.
Stop making decisions about Emigen without consulting with me.
Wait, you're seriously okay with what they're doing here? The result justifies the deed.
I'll release a statement to the media in response to the lawsuit, field the interview requests, give them whatever they want.
By the time we're done everyone in the world will have heard of Emigen and our discovery.
What happens next? We leverage the limelight, get an FDA panel to convene on a market fast track as soon as possible.
How soon is that? Well, the FDA is in session, so Will wonders never cease.
With Gage's connections, we could slide onto their calendar as soon as next week.
Well, that's assuming that Lisa follows through with her part in the tactical plan.
Looking forward to it.
Oh, I think you lost her to the dark side, Avery.
The section of the skull that we've removed from Mr.
Garcia's decompressive craniectomy will be frozen until the swelling in the brain goes down.
Dr.
Harris - Step away from the patient, Dr.
Evans.
- What the hell is this? I need you to come with me, now.
That woman's a liar.
Everybody knows it.
- Kara, tell her what she did.
- We have a recording.
- I don't - Kara, speak up.
Let's go, Dr.
Evans.
This is bullshit! [DOOR CLOSES.]
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
[PHONE CHIMES.]
Hi.
Hi.
- I thought you were going camping.
- Never said where.
My pals opted out of forest bathing for a leather party in Marin County.
So much for communing with nature.
Well, sometimes it's just as essential to commune with your fellow man.
In this case, you're the man.
I'm huh? Don't argue, just go with it.
Beats the hell out of bingeing Bear Grylls.
Though we both know you meant Queer Eye.
Move that for me? - Why are we rearranging the furniture? - We're not.
We're pitching a tent.
Which in my experience, is at least twice as fun with a buddy.
So that's it? Dr.
Drama is out of your life for good? Well, they're not letting him into the building, if that's what you mean.
But the residents, they praise him like a god, so things won't exactly be easy for me moving forward.
As hard as anyone tries to make it my money's still on you.
All I know is that I am not taking Todd or this baby or you guys, or anybody else who's sane or kind, for granted ever again.
Thank you for sticking by my side, Lis and not judging me.
We all make mistakes.
Not everyone has what it takes to get past them, let alone correct them.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[GROANS.]
- Ah, there it is.
- This is the last piece.
Thanks for pulling all this together so fast, guys.
Come on, you know the Wolverines are on it.
'Cause we are the wolves The mighty, mighty wolves We're in it to win it We'll fight until we get it Come on, Donovan.
You say orange, we say black - Orange, black - Let's go pack [HOWLING.]
So how much high school spirit should I prepare myself for? Christine will definitely remind you that she was cheer captain, and her fiancé Paul is anybody's guess, considering she - dated Billy.
- Yeah.
No one's favorite short stop.
Who will definitely remind you more than once per minute that he is now this big time commercial director.
Billy the disaster? Todd posted about Maddie and Billy reached out, fishing for an invite.
I didn't have the heart to say no.
People change, right? Ten years is a long time.
[DOORBELL.]
Oh, who is this? - Hi.
Welcome.
Come in.
- Hi.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, hi.
Oh, my God, you guys.
- How awesome is this? - Hey.
[GROAN.]
[ANGELA.]
What's up? And horrible, Sean.
I'm so completely devastated for you.
But let's not start on that note.
Lisa, how is it possible you look more gorgeous than your wedding day? Uh, thank you.
And I'm guessing you're Paul.
Yes, everyone, this is my fiancé Paul.
- What's up, Paul? - Don't stand there like a lunk, Paul.
Come in and meet everyone.
Still playing the lunk card, Tine.
Oh, this guy.
Some nice digs, Donovan.
Can't keep a good man down, eh? Unless, of course, this pretty little thing is the one on top.
Billy.
Enchanté.
I learned French on the drive over.
Sean, why don't you give your friends a tour and I'm gonna grab the appetizers.
Baby monitor.
[DRILL WHIRRING.]
Oh, Paul? Paul Hey, Paul, what business are you in? He's a petroleum engineer.
Hmm.
Gas, man, huh? You know that I've been directing national commercials since before I graduated USC? Oh, art imitating idiocy.
Hey, Paul, does Christine still whistle through her nose when she ? - Billy! Oh, my God.
- Hey! Gross! Thank you.
Move it! Where's your wife at this weekend, bro? Oh, high school reunions get rowdy.
Why bring sand to the beach, you feel me? Never again, thank you very much.
[ALL LAUGH.]
There you go.
You must be so relieved you're not bartending anymore.
Actually, I liked it.
I'd go in every night, meet new people, leave it all behind when the shift's over.
Yeah, but what about all the gawkers bellying up just to check out an ex ball player's fall from grace? - [ANGELA.]
That's shady.
- [TODD.]
Come on.
How'd you afford this nice pile of grass, anyway? - Lisa is killing it in biotech right now.
- Um-hmm.
Oh, yeah? What are you hawking? Genetically tailored immunity maps.
Hook me up with your marketing team if you strike gold, 'cause nothing sells like saving lives.
Speaking of, Sean and Todd are halfway through their firefighter training.
And Angela is about to finish her surgical residency.
Yeah.
[CHEERING.]
No shit? Kind of hard to believe we all ended up where we ended up based on where it all began.
Know what I think Maddie would want if she were here right now? I think she'd want us to be a part of each other's lives more.
That and a time machine.
It just so happens I brought one.
You guys remember the video I shot on prom night? [ANGELA.]
Um-mm.
- No.
- Mini Tape got stuck in the camcorder I stole from AV back in '09.
No one's seen this sucker since.
Is this something we really wanna watch? - I do.
- All right.
- Yeah.
- I wanna see what you looked like.
Wait.
Longest legal battle in the history of this country, guess.
Mm.
The Myra Clark Gaines estate sale, 1834 to 1891.
Can't imagine it was worth the legal fees.
Considering Myra died six years before it was settled, I doubt she'd disagree with you.
What are you cloying toward? What if I don't agree to settle this little lawsuit of ours? 'Cause I could just drag this on and on.
I am well aware that you would derive sincere pleasure from irritating me - Hm.
Um-hm.
- for life.
Might I suggest something a little more mutually pleasurable? I like the sound of that.
Before I disclose the details I need you to do one more microscopic little favor for me.
Like what? Call in some of those favors you've been doling out to your golf buddies over the years.
Caplan, Hawks, Tillerman, Coy.
I want you to assemble them for me.
Those men are some of my most valuable assets.
Why would I wanna share them with you? Why would you wanna do anything? Hm? Oh, I got plenty of money.
Plenty.
Such a sad little word for a man of your magnitude.
Hm.
Mood killer.
[SCOFFS.]
We have a deal.
I'll make the calls.
Well, the sooner you get started Maybe I do like camping.
This isn't camping.
It's gramping.
'Cause I'm such a grandpa, right? Toilet paper buck knife the disgusting dehydrated food What is this iron square thing? For toast.
Gotta have toast.
It's nice to know there's someone to call when the apocalypse strikes.
You feel better about zombies than you do about bugs? Zombie's aren't real.
Bugs are forever.
[MUSIC PLAYING.]
Ooh.
Prom night, AKA, National Lose Your Virginity Night.
Oh, my God.
Ooh, look at these two passion ponies, just raring to bust down the stables.
[LAUGHTER.]
Ooh.
Do you think you can keep it in your pants until prom's over, Romeo? Oh, get that out of my face.
No, wait, seriously, since we're channeling the '80s, I have a Back to the Future question for the couple right here.
Where do you see yourself in ten years? Bro, I don't even know where I'm gonna be in ten minutes, all right? Can I stay in high school? Is that an option? With your grades, it's more of a guarantee.
Yo, come on.
All right, Ang.
Um Sudan.
Doctors Without Borders.
- What? - Whoo! Better get that passport, Romeo.
Oh, baby, oh, honey.
Where do you think you'll be in ten years? That is, if you can stop looking at yourself in the mirror.
Probably wondering why I ever dated you, you dumb lunk.
I know why we are dating.
Okay.
Ugh.
Oh, come on, don't fight it.
You know, you still want me.
No offense, Paul.
There she is.
Maddie Carter! - All right! - Oh, yes.
- Yes, work it.
- That's my girl.
- Sean Don.
- Get it, Mad.
Hey, I've got a Back to the Future question for the golden couple.
Where do you guys see yourself in ten years? You more like Kurt and Goldie or Sean and Madonna? Uh, Donovan is an all-star pitcher and I am his wife, slash manager.
I will be the brains behind the brawn.
Hey, I have brains.
I'm married to you, aren't I? Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Party bus is here.
Let's do this, bitches.
[CHEERING.]
Hey, we are the wolves The mighty, mighty wolves We're in it to win it We'll fight until we get it We say orange, you say black Orange, black, let's go pack! [ALL HOWLING.]
East Stockton prom 2009, we about to get you ready.
[MAN.]
Hey! What the fuck's going on down there? - Todd? - Todd? Your dad's en fuego.
Turn it off.
[OVEN BEEPS.]
That would be dinner.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
This would be awkward.
You know, the first portable tents were the yurts and the tepees around 450 BC.
Bet you didn't know that, huh, Marcos.
[ECHOING.]
Marcos, coming inside? You okay? Uh Marcos, have you eaten any chocolate out of that baggie? How many? Four.
Okay.
Don't panic.
- Why shouldn't I panic? - 'Cause everything's fine.
Why wouldn't everything be fine? That chocolate came from Daddy Duke.
Who's Daddy Duke? Burning Man legend.
You just ate a quadruple dose of psilocybin.
That definitely does not sound fine.
It's nothing crazy.
It's just magic mushrooms.
No! Relax.
It's organic.
You don't understand.
I don't do drugs.
Am I gonna die? [LAUGHING.]
If by "die," you mean go on a hero's journey, then, yes.
Hang tight.
I'm coming with you.
Stop.
What are you doing? Give me your hand.
We're getting in the tent.
Chicken Hut asked me to direct their next campaign.
That's nice.
That's awesome, Billy, yeah.
I got food poisoning there.
Lisa have you ever done TV? Because you have a face for it.
I did a Skype interview on TechTalk this morning.
Does that count? What? Why didn't you say something? Because I wanted today to be about you and your friends, something other than my job, for a change.
Damn, Sean, your girl's a baller.
Who's ready for some more wine? - Angela? - Um, half.
Shut the front door.
You two are pregnant again? Yeah, 15 weeks.
Damn, it really is like high school all over again.
Except this time, it makes sense, right? [LAUGHS.]
- Right.
- Right, yeah.
[CHRISTINE.]
That's incredible, isn't it? Even though Maddie's not here, it's like her memory is bringing us all closer.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
My wife's a lesbian.
[COUGHS.]
- What? - Yeah.
She left me for her Pilates instructor last weekend.
[BURPS.]
You wanted closer.
Boom! There you go, we're close.
Hey.
I'm gonna go smoke a joint.
- Uh, backyard? - That way.
Damn, that's rough.
Well, I can't say I blame her.
What a lunk.
Is there more garlic bread? Help yourself, Paul.
[CHRISTINE CLEARS THROAT.]
Mmm.
Why would anyone do this to themselves? Some do it because their lives need a jumpstart.
Others want a radical change in perspective.
Daddy Duke wants to try to meet this tiger woman he keeps dreaming about.
By killing the ego, you awaken into the mystical.
Keep humming if you're digging me.
It's like my head is full of bees.
Whoa! [KEVIN LAUGHS.]
You are so tiny right now.
Like an ant.
Wait.
That's it! Look! Look at what? Out there.
Did you choose those chairs? Is that your rug? You work pro bono.
You can't afford that 75-inch TV.
Where is Marcos in this space? Marcos is tiny in here because Marcos is tiny out there.
Quick, what's your most Marcos-y possession? Something that's a hundred percent you.
It's hard to explain.
You don't need to explain, you just need to get it and put it out there for everyone to see.
Start taking up some physical space to relieve the pressure on your psychic space.
Don't think about it.
Just do it.
That's it? It's an ant-sized statement.
Don't worry.
I think I know how we can make it monumental.
Stay here while I run to my truck.
You're not leaving me here? Never.
What's in the truck? Paint.
[ALEX.]
All of Silicon Valley's abuzz on this one, talking about Gage Scott's billion dollar lawsuit over Anne Montgomery's investment, Emigen Molecular Sequencing.
We have an exclusive Skype interview to bring you right now.
Lisa Ruiz-Donovan, she is the CEO and lead scientist for the company and joins us right now.
I'll let you take the floor from here.
[LISA.]
Thanks for giving me the chance to set the record straight.
Let me remind everyone that Gage Scott has threatened more lawsuits than any VC in town, settled very few of those in his favor, and litigated even fewer.
Mr.
Scott had his chance to be a part of Emigen's historic scientific breakthrough, but threw it away.
Now that clinical trials have proven that our discovery will save millions and millions of lives, he's doing whatever he can to try to get his hands on it.
You've trained your little gremlin well.
She's serving her purpose.
That's for sure.
Got you your meeting.
When? DC.
End of day tomorrow.
I trust that's not inconvenient.
On the contrary.
Now I believe we have some unfinished business.
What's the matter? You didn't actually expect me to feel something? [SCOFFS.]
Well, I suppose, uh there's not enough money in the world for that, is there? Just hurry.
Fuck you, Anne.
You know, whoever damaged you they sure as hell did a good job.
Jesus Christ.
The key is big, bold strokes.
¿Comprende, amigo? More red.
- Looks pretty red.
- More.
No, you.
Whatever's tormenting you in here, throw it up there, to make space in here.
Bigger.
Bigger.
Bigger! Whoo! [HOWLS.]
[HOWLING.]
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT.]
Marcos? - Marcos? - [MARCOS PANTING.]
Marcos, let me in! Marcos? What happened? It's my fault! What? What is? It's my fault.
I did it! - What? What did you do? - I did it! - Shh - [MARCOS SOBBING.]
It's okay.
It's okay.
You're safe.
I've got you.
Just breathe.
You're safe.
It's okay.
Shh [TV STATIC.]
In ten years, I will be a rich-ass director.
Everyone will know my shit.
And I'll have a hot wife and an even hotter side piece.
You know I'm just kidding, Christine.
As long as we're rich, I don't care.
You do you, I'll do me.
How about you do me and I'll do you? Don't be such a perv, Billy.
That's like asking a dog not to lick its balls.
Zoom in on this angelic, little face.
I love this face.
Not as much as I love you.
We're gonna be friends forever and ever and ever.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Ooh, Angela is a little busy right now.
A little busy.
Get it.
Angela, get him.
Get him.
Todd, ooh, Todd Archer.
Oh, fuck you.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Ooh, a threesome.
- [MAN.]
Todd? - [KISS.]
Get your ass up here! Now! Todd's busy, Mr.
Archer.
Busy? Fucking little pansy-ass fucker.
- Holy shit.
- Get the fuck out the way! Dad! Don't! Just chill.
Chill, please! - Don't disrespect me! - I'm not! You disrespecting me in my house, boy? Goddamn it! Stop! Sean, don't! What the fuck? Shit! Sean, stop! Stop, Sean! Sean, stop! You're gonna kill him! You ever touch Todd again, I'll bash your fucking head in! Okay, stop! Sean! We're not allowed to talk about it.
Sean! - Sean! - Sean! Stop! Please! Stop! - Stop! - Look at me! - Stop! - Look at me! [GROANING.]
It's okay.
It's okay.
[TODD.]
The things we didn't know we didn't know, huh? It was so strange, seeing ourselves so young.
Kind of makes you wonder if making plans even makes sense.
You do know our baby can hear you? [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
I'm just saying, like life seems to take you where it wants to go.
If it didn't, you'd be living at South Sudan starting your second tour in Doctors Without Borders.
And who's to say you wouldn't still be with me? Think you really would've wanted me there? If you're asking if things changed because I got pregnant of course they did.
But not because I felt trapped.
It was because for the first time in my life, I had to ask myself what I really wanted.
And I wanted you.
Even if you had to do it all over again? I would still choose you.
[MOANING.]
It's not something I'm proud of.
This thing inside of me.
Where does it come from? I don't know.
When I see someone I love being hurt, I just I see black.
Has it always been there? It started when my brother was killed.
Maybe because I wasn't able to stop what happened to him or maybe there's just something wrong with how I'm put together.
I'll find someplace else to sleep tonight.
No.
[SNIFFLES.]
I need to be close to you.
[MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE.]
Ang What's going on? I Did you ? Did you pull the monitor out of the box? I didn't take it out.
Why would I Because it was in here, baby.
The monitor was in here.
- Why was it in here? - I don't know.
- Are you okay? - No, I I think I'm dreaming this What do you mean, dreaming? Like sleepwalking? Wake and bake? I'm here for Lisa.
Bummer.
Hey, Lisa? There's a hot witch on the front porch looking for you.
Anne.
What are you doing here? Well, you told me to keep you out of the dark where major shifts with Emigen are concerned.
We're flying to DC today.
Wheels up in an hour.
You got us an FDA panel.
Well, I played my part.
But the real credit belongs to you.
Is there any chance that they'll postpone? Tonight is Sean's ten-year reunion.
I can only assume you're joking.
This is a make-or-break opportunity to realize your life's work.
She's right.
You have to go.
I don't wanna leave unless you promise me you'll be okay.
I'm okay.
It's one night apart.
This is big.
Soak it in.
I'll be waiting right here for you when you get home.
- I love you.
- I love you.
Go pack.
Sorry to have to rain on your parade.
Pretty sure the force at work here isn't the weather.
When will you realize the only force here is your wife? And one to be reckoned with.
I can imagine how important reliving the glory days must be for a man such as yourself.
Have fun in Stockton and all those ghosts.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING.]
[MUSIC FADES OUT.]