White House Plumbers (2023) s01e03 Episode Script

1
JOHN CHANCELLOR: The two men
who looked most pleased tonight
were President Nixon and Brezhnev,
and well they might,
since both have prevailed
over groups in their own countries
who think an arms limitation deal
is wicked folly.
What was signed tonight
was the result of risks,
time, patience, and political skill.
The signing ceremony for the agreements
- on nuclear weapons
- (RADIO STATIC)
E. HOWARD HUNT: (OVER RADIO)
Unit Two to Unit Three. Come in.
Unit Two to Unit Three.
Request status report. Over.
Unit Three to Unit Two.
Roger that. Gimme a sec. Over.
CHANCELLOR: so it all
went well in Vladimir's hall
in the Kremlin tonight.
And if Mr. Nixon didn't
make any new friends,
his enemies looked less dangerous.
And as far as the history
of the nuclear age is concerned
Unit Three to Units One and Two.
Chickens are in the henhouse.
- Over.
- G. GORDON LIDDY: Copy that.
HOWARD: Copy that. Passing
the entrance now. Over.
ALFRED C. BALDWIN: (OVER RADIO)
Unit Two, where are you going?
Why are you passing the
entrance to the henhouse?
HOWARD: There's a 24-hour
guard in the lobby,
so I found us a back door.
BALDWIN: Back door? Uh,
Unit Two, what back door?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (CAR DOOR CLOSES)
- What the fuck are we doing here?
- You'll see.
- Good evening, gentlemen.
Welcome to the Watergate Hotel.
This way.
- (TELEPHONE RINGING)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
HOWARD: Lucky for us,
the complex contains
six different buildings,
all interconnected,
so we can bypass lobby security.
Good evening, gentlemen.
Welcome to the
Watergate Office Building,
home of the Democratic
National Committee.
Very nice, boss.
- Hey. Down.
- Down?
Down.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGING)
(ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN)
Unit Three to Unit Two.
Hold your position. Over.
HOWARD: Worry not. I
found us the perfect place
to hide and wait on the banquet level.
BALDWIN: Unit Two, where
the hell are you gonna
hide on the banquet level?
HOWARD: Simple, I
booked a banquet room.
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
Good evening, gentlemen.
Welcome to the Continental Room.
We are the Ameritas party.
- We are?
- Yeah.
- We are.
- We are.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
HEAD WAITER: So, tell me, gentlemen.
what does the Ameritas Corporation do?
- What?
- (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER) ♪
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
- Huh.
- Business.
- What kind of business?
HOWARD: Uh, transportation.
- DE DIEGO: Transportation.
- (VIRGILIO "VILLO" GONZÁLEZ SPEAKS SPANISH)
How come you got soup?
Because it was soup or salad.
- I thought it was soup and salad.
- Oye.
(IN SPANISH)
- Oh.
Bet you killed quite
a few Japs in the war?
I ain't one to brag.
Why don't you ask him about
the couple of dozen guys
he greased for Castro
before he realized the bearded shitbird
was giving Khrushchev
a courtesy reach-around.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Oh!
You know, I wasn't the only company man
to get outsmarted by Fidel, Eduardo.
Your hands are as dirty as mine.
- Thank you.
- JAMES W. MCCORD: What the shit!
- You got another soup?
- I ordered it.
Can I get another soup?
Oh, very sorry, sir.
That was the last one.
(ALL LAUGH)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Gentlemen, thank you,
uh, you can clear out now,
uh, we're going to stay,
maybe have a couple of stogies.
Uh Oh. (CHUCKLES)
You're way ahead of
me. Thank you so much.
- WAITER: Thank you, sir.
- Have a good night.
You, too.
Gordon.
Gentlemen.
It's 10:00 p.m.
Unit Two will head up to the DNC,
my team will meet our
guy at the McGovern HQ.
- Come on.
- (SPEAKING SPANISH)
- Villo.
- (SPEAKS EXCITEDLY IN SPANISH)
(CHUCKLES)
Photograph everything.
Right, boss. Just like Fielding.
(EXCLAIMS SCOLDINGLY)
No. Not like Fielding.
Wait for Baldwin's signal, then head up.
- HOWARD: Roger that.
- Come on.
Unit Two to Unit Three.
What's happening in the henhouse? Over.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- That's the place.
My inside man in the
McGovern campaign said
wait by the back door.
MCCORD: Well, it is pretty
damn bright back there.
I can fix that.
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(LOUD CLINK)
- Tricky angle.
- (GUN CLICKS)
Did you serve?
I did. But I missed
out on all the action.
In basic training, before
we shipped out to Korea,
some of the fellows challenged
me to a sit-up contest.
I won the contest, but blew my appendix.
(GUN COCKING)
Still haunts me.
(LOUD CLINK)
Don't worry. I'll get it.
- (GUN COCKING)
- Maybe it's your appendix.
BALDWIN: Unit Three to Unit
Two. Henhouse status unchanged.
- That's a no-go. Over.
- Copy that. Over.
(IN SPANISH)
(CHUCKLES)
- (LOUD CLINK)
(GUN COCKING)
LIDDY: Please, stop swaying!
I wouldn't be swaying if
you made the fucking shot.
(GUN COCKING)
- (LOUD CLINK)
- Almost, Halcón.
What's "Halcón"?
His nickname. It means "the falcon."
The bird all other birds fear.
Shouldn't it be "halcon" like "falcon"?
- No.
- (LIGHTBULB SHATTERING)
Nice shot, Halcón.
LIDDY: Come on. Help me down. (GRUNTS)
MCCORD: "Halcon" really sounds better.
Coño.
- No lo sé.
the manager said you
gentlemen were supposed
- to be done here by 10:00.
- HOWARD: Indeed.
We are just packing
up the, uh, projector,
and then we will be on
our way. Scout's honor.
No problem, just gotta
lock up by midnight.
Bye!
(IN SPANISH)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
See, this means fan out.
It's too dark in here. I can't see shit.
Criminy!
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
FRANK STURGIS: Where the hell is he?
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(SHUSHES) Don't worry.
My guy's a professional. He'll be here.
- (DOOR KNOCKING)
- Excuse me.
- Hi.
- LIDDY: What?
You are our inside man!
What are you doing outside?
The janitor found me!
I was hiding in the furnace room.
He got scared. The kid,
he must have come out the front door.
Get back to your post!
I don't think I'm cut
out for this stuff, sir.
- I'm sorry.
- LIDDY: Fuck!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You gutless Mormon!
Your guy, huh?
(ARGUING IN SPANISH)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(DOOR CLOSES)
(LOCK RATTLING)
the henhouse is nearly empty.
Repeat Three to Two.
Henhouse is nearly empty.
Get into position, over.
Vámonos, vámonos.
- (MUTTERING)
- (SHUSHES)
- Señor Locksmith.
- Okay.
¡Puñeta!
it was a double-sided deadbolt.
Are you saying we're locked in?
(IN SPANISH)
¡Puta madre! ¡Coño!
(PANTS)
VILLO: (IN SPANISH)
¡Cállate!
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
Oye, chico.
we're sleeping here.
- Nighty night.
- (PULL SWITCH CLICKS)
- VILLO: How was your steak?
- HOWARD: I didn't eat steak.
VILLO: I had the tilapia.
- HOWARD: How was it?
- VILLO: It was okay.
HOWARD: Oh, Christ. I gotta take a leak.
(PULL SWITCH CLICKS)
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
(SPEAKS SPANISH)
- (SPEAKS SPANISH)
- (SIGHS)
- (VILLO SPEAKS SPANISH)
- (PANTS UNZIPPING)
- Oh.
- (PULL SWITCH CLICKS)
- (URINE TRICKLING)
- (HOWARD GROANING, CHUCKLING)
- (TRICKLING STOPS)
- HOWARD: Muy necesito.
- (SCOFFS)
- (PANTS ZIPPING)
Three to Two. Henhouse is empty.
All clear. Proceed. Over.
- Here.
- BALDWIN: Hello.
(IN SPANISH)
Unit Two, proceed. Over.
Hello?
Unit Two?
- (HOWARD SIGHS)
- BALDWIN: Anyone there?
(RADIO STATIC CRACKLING, BUZZING)
REPORTER: (OVER RADIO) And here it
is. Thirteen minutes before six.
A beautiful morning. And a good time
to check on the traffic here
with traffic officer, Bill.
BILL: The traffic is quite considerably
moving nicely into the Downtown DC area.
Folks will be glad to hear that.
(HOUSEKEEPER HUMS CHEERFUL TUNE)
REPORTER: Okay, Officer
Bill. Thank you.
Well, actually, we have
another traffic update
and the weather forecast and we just
(LIDDY GRUNTS)
(CONTINUES HUMMING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(SIGHS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(COUNTING QUIETLY)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
do not drink the
whiskey at the Watergate.
Hmm. Roger that. (GRUNTS)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
KEVAN HUNT: Papa?
- Papa?
- (HOWARD GRUNTS)
Kevan?
Yes, my sweet angel?
Who's Gordon Liddy?
(DISHES CLANKING)
DOROTHY HUNT: Wait,
we're gonna do everything.
- LISA HUNT: Well, the lube is gonna soak
- Morning.
Howard.
No one woke me for breakfast.
Well, Howard, we never know
what your plans are. (CHUCKLES)
We're headed to the club
for a swim and some tennis.
Assuming you've paid
the bill. (CHUCKLES)
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
- She's a funny one. (LAUGHS)
- (CHUCKLES)
- You didn't see me.
- Okay.
- Eggs?
- HOWARD: Yeah.
Did you see the Viet
Cong come through here?
No VC were invited for breakfast.
Uh, went that way, honey.
- You got it.
- HOWARD: Oh! Uh
Kevan is our resident
Smithie. Home for the holiday.
4.0 grade average.
Well, maybe if you two
applied yourselves a little more.
BOTH: (MOCKINGLY) Oh. Maybe if you
applied yourself a little bit more.
- Yeah.
- Well, actually, she's right. Especially you, boy.
- (SCOFFS)
- LIDDY: Oh.
Dorothy was telling me
about your big Paris trip.
Oh. Well. Uh, about that.
I'm I'm not sure we're going
to be able to vacation this summer.
Might be busy with Gordon.
Muy busy-oso.
Don't worry about Paris, dear.
It's just gonna be me,
and David, and Kevan.
Oh. Good. Fun.
Well, I have some really exciting news.
I finally figured out what
I want to do with my life.
Oh?
I am going to be a farmer.
- A As in crops and dirt?
- That is noble work.
Great. All that tuition right down
- Eat lead, Charlie!
- (TOY GUN SHOOTS)
- (GUN COCKS)
- (GASPS)
- Oh, my God!
- Put that down. He's just a child with a toy.
Gordon, Gordon. Uh, let's get some air.
Come on. Outside.
Oh, my God.
That toy gun is a recipe for disaster.
Only real guns in the Liddy household.
I do not need child-rearing
lessons from you.
- Dankeschön.
- Come on.
We should get the wives together again.
Fran has been asking.
Oh, yes. Dorothy would love that.
McGovern HQ has added
round-the-clock security.
so that just leaves the Watergate.
We strike tonight.
We walk straight in the front door.
No more bullshit banquets,
just sheer force of will.
That's not a plan!
What's our cover? We're all with the DNC
and we forgot our wallets?
Gefunden! That's our way in.
Buying a new briefcase, are we?
Move along.
We are going to talk about
this farming business.
It's called agriculture.
Look.
We are there for a different meeting
in another office. On
another floor, all together.
Did you okay this with Magruder?
Hell no. Magruder has no idea
about last night's debacle.
If we go in tonight, it's as though
last night never even happened.
As far as anyone knows,
tonight will be our first attempt.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Can I help you?
- LIDDY: We have an appointment.
Federal Reserve Office.
- Eighth floor.
- At midnight.
Middle of Memorial Day Weekend?
International business.
You know, time zones.
All right. Sign in.
(CONVERSING IN SPANISH)
Rápido, amigos. Rápido.
(DOOR OPENS)
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
What?
That son of a bitch has the equipment.
I knew that oddball would go rogue!
- I knew it!
- I know.
(IN SPANISH)
(MUTTERING IN SPANISH)
Villo. ¿Qué pasa?
- LIDDY: What?
He has the wrong tools.
How is that even possible?
- I have right tools!
- He has the right tools.
- In Miami.
- BERNARD "MACHO" BARKER: ¿Dónde?
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- ED: What the
- Larry?
- Jim?
You scared the shit out of
me. What are you doing here?
I got a meeting at the Federal Reserve.
Looks like my guy didn't show.
I'll give him another 45 minutes or so.
I'll just wait on the couch there.
Ed, this is Jim McCord.
John Mitchell's bodyguard.
No, not anymore. Huh.
No, I started my own firm.
Doing some contract work with
the Committee to Re-Elect.
Really?
- You guys hiring?
- Definitely.
I want to know everything
that you said to them.
- Verbatim!
- But I don't remember
every damn word they said to me, Gordon.
I was trying to keep them occupied!
- I warned you about him! I predicted this.
- Warned him about what?
What did you warn him
about, Gordon? No! Gordon!
This is a Cuban locksmith
who can't pick a lock.
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
- Sandwiches, gentlemen?
Turkey, ham, tuna fish.
ROLANDO "MUSCULITO" MARTINEZ:
Muchas gracias, Dorothy.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER IN SPANISH)
Thank you.
- And you
- Uh
- ¿Sí?
- (ANGRILY) You, señor,
are on the first flight back
- to Miami.
- Okay.
And you're going to
collect the right tools
and you're coming back here tonight.
And we're all going in again.
We cannot break in a third time, Gordon.
We have not broken in once!
(ALL BICKERING IN SPANISH)
a little something for Clara.
Ay, gracias, Dorothy.
(IN SPANISH)
- Muchas gracias.
- De nada.
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Dorothy.
- Gordon.
Uh, we're going in through
the garage this time.
- (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Here you go.
HOWARD: Delivery guys
are in and out of there all day.
- Thanks, Cap.
- HOWARD: Always taping the lock open.
So no one should notice.
McCord is going to
take care of the door.
This is our last chance.
What I meant was are you
taking Kevan to the train station
or should I ask St. John?
I I think you just
answered my question.
Oh. But it's the long weekend.
Remember, Papa, I have a sociology paper
due on Tuesday. I told
you I was leaving today.
Well, can't can't
you wait another day?
I barely got to spend time with you.
Well, whose fault is that?
I wish I could.
Come on, sis. We're going to be late.
- (EXHALES HEAVILY) Okay. Bye.
- Bye.
(SIGHS) Bye, Papa.
- Bye, kiddo.
- (KEVAN GROANS)
Bye.
You're going in tonight? For God's sake,
the president just
signed the SALT treaty.
He's far ahead in the polls.
Is any of this nickel-and-dime,
cloak-and-dagger stuff necessary?
We can't afford to take chances
with the future of democracy.
Ergo, in through the garage we go.
Howard, that is the
stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Please take a minute
to reconsider what you're about to do.
(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)
NEWS ANCHOR: Now here comes
the president's helicopter,
Marine Helicopter Number
One, landing in the plaza
on the east side
of the east front of the Capitol.
Arriving almost exactly
exactly as scheduled
at 9:30, at the Capitol plaza,
so that he can go up the steps
of the House of Representatives,
go into the chamber,
and address the members of
the House, of the Senate,
Supreme Court, the Diplomatic Corps
of Washington, all of whom are inside
waiting for him in the chamber
of the House of Representatives.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(IN SPANISH)
NEWS ANCHOR: NBC News
presents the last in its series
of programs on President Nixon's journey
to Russia. Brought to you by Shell,
Super Shell and non-leaded
Shell of the Future.
(MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
(TOOLS CLATTERING)
- (EXCITED CHATTER)
- (DE DIEGO SPEAKING SPANISH)
- HOWARD: Just making sure you're here.
CONGRESSIONAL OFFICER: Mr. Speaker,
- the President of United States.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (CONGRESS MEMBERS APPLAUDING)
- (ALL CHEER)
RICHARD NIXON: My fellow Americans,
your welcome in this
great chamber tonight
has a very special meaning
to Mrs. Nixon and to me.
We can be proud
that we now have an historic opportunity
to play a great role in helping
to achieve man's oldest dream.
A world in which all nations
can enjoy the blessings of peace.
An unparalleled
opportunity has been placed
in America's hands.
We can seize this moment
or we can lose it.
We can make good this opportunity
to build a new structure
of peace in the world.
Or we can let it slip away.
Let us seize the moment
so that our children
and the world's children
can live free of the fears
and free of the hatreds
that have been the lot of mankind
through the centuries.
It's two bedrooms, near the beach.
NIXON: For America to continue
It's a steal.
I'm not looking to buy a house in Miami.
NIXON: we must keep
America number one
economically in the world.
What about split level? Jacksonville?
NIXON: we must keep America
- What?
- Maybe.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
- NIXON: And then the historians
will write of the year 1972
that this was the year
when America helped to lead
the world up out of the lowlands
of constant war and
onto the high plateau
- of lasting peace.
- (CONGRESS MEMBERS APPLAUDING)
(DOOR RATTLES)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
(ALL CHEER)
- (SINGING IN SPANISH) ♪
- (CHEERING AND LAUGHING)
(SINGING CONTINUES) ♪
- (ALL CHUCKLE, CHEER)
- ¡Viva Nixon!
- ALL: Fuck Kennedy!
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
You know, I'll bet you,
we could sell Dean on
Project SAPPHIRE right now.
- Maybe even TOPAZ.
- Why stop there?
- All the gemstones!
- (CHUCKLES)
We'll open a goddamn jewelry store!
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- All the gemstones!
Commie simps aren't going to know
what hit them. (LAUGHS)
You know, by the time this is over,
we will be able to write our own ticket.
- Two? Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
- ATTENDANT: Come with me.
- Hey! Jim! Fred!
- Uh, hi.
- HOWARD: It's Howard!
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
- Hunt.
- HOWARD: Ah.
Staying busy over at Mullen, I trust.
Uh, actually, I've been
working for the White House.
Uh, doing some exciting stuff.
- So I hear.
- HOWARD: (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Uh Uh, this is, uh, Fred Jessup.
- Uh, this is my good friend, Gord
- Walter. Walter.
Can you call Lewis about Saturday?
We still need a fourth.
Nine a.m. tee time. Thanks.
You know, not to boast,
but, uh, I'm a ten
handicap myself, nearly.
(CHUCKLES) Well, we
We, uh, play Chevy Chase.
Uh, Club tourney, members only.
Of course. Of course.
- I I wasn't offering.
- Good to see you, Howard.
HOWARD: Yes. See you, Fred.
LIDDY: So, that's Angleton, eh?
Snake-hipped son of a bitch.
(SLURPS)
Is it true about him and Mary Meyer?
(SIGHS) Gordon,
if the Company murdered every woman
that JFK had an affair with,
it'd be a goddamn genocide.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT)
- Oh.
- No, no, no.
I I just sign for it.
LIDDY: Thank you very much.
If you have money, join Metropolitan.
You have brains, you join Cosmos,
if you have neither, you
join the University Club.
- (CHUCKLES)
- I belong to all three.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
- Of course, you do.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
Oh. We have got some gemstones to sell.
Yes, indeed.
(CLAPPING)
(SCOFFS) Gentlemen. Gentlemen.
Come in! Sit, sit down.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Uh, we have here the fruits
of your magnificent labors.
Are those the transcripts?
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- JOHN DEAN: Indeed they are.
Shall we dive in?
- HOWARD: Hmm.
- DEAN: "Page one.
Phone conversation.
Tuesday, June 6th, 2:13 p.m.
Secretary, 'I told him I wanted it curly
but long, like Maria Schneider.'
Voice, 'I told you to go to my guy.'
Secretary, 'Instead,
he chops it all off,
and now, I look like Shelley Winters!'
Voice, 'Shelly Winters?'
Secretary, 'Shelly Winters '"
HOWARD: Uh, sorry to interrupt, John,
is that the bug
- from O'Brien's secretary?
- Correct.
Why don't we jump ahead to
the bug on O'Brien's phone?
Um, get to the meat and potatoes.
- DEAN: Yeah. Let's skip this.
- (PAGES RUSTLING)
Uh, mm, mm, hmm, yes. (CLEARS THROAT)
Oh. Uh, this one is, uh, "Inoperative."
No.
What about the bug in the
smoke detector in O'Brien's office?
Excellent question.
Yeah, this one is
actually my favorite one.
- Okay.
- DEAN: Where is it?
Oh, yes. Here we go.
Uh
- Also inoperative.
- JEB MAGRUDER: Oh!
- HOWARD: What?
- Sorry, "Inoperative"?
- Inoperative.
- The opposite of operative.
It did not operate.
The only working microphone
that you and your team
planted is the one on the phone
of the secretary who now
looks like Shelley Winters.
You gentlemen should know
I've briefed the president
on the haircut situation,
and we think this could be the thing
that swings the election.
DEAN: Thanks for stopping by.
For the record, I did
not want to hire McCord.
You made us hire him.
- And I want that on the record.
- What record?
No one's keeping records of this shit.
What about the files they photographed?
Anything Cuban? Russian?
Any any dirt at all?
No. Nothing. Zero. Project OPAL, my ass.
You should call it Project TURD.
Put that on the record, Gordon.
- Hang on.
- (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
There is one idea we didn't pitch you.
It's cheap but devastating.
With the ability to bury
McGovern once and for all.
No, I I think it's too risky.
Mitchell does not need to hear it.
Hey! Hey! I will be the judge
as to whether or not Mitchell hears it.
LIDDY: (CHUCKLES) So
then these filthy hippies,
you know, covered in McGovern buttons,
they just piss, all
over the hotel carpet,
in the presidential suite. (CHUCKLES)
- They piss all over the carpet?
- LIDDY: Like a fire hose!
Like a river of hippie piss.
LIDDY: And all in front of the cameras.
- Right there, in front of Cronkite.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
It's a classic false flag and cheap.
- Really cheap.
- Under a million dollars?
- Price of a case of beer!
- Or a marijuana cigarette!
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Uh
(CLEARS THROAT) Do you know
who's got that suite booked
the day after McGovern?
No. But I am sure we
will be hearing about it.
- (SCOFFS) Poor bastard.
- (LIDDY CHUCKLES)
- I'll spare you the wait.
- (MAGRUDER SIGHS)
- It's me.
- (MAGRUDER CHUCKLES)
I'm staying in that suite for
our convention, you idiots!
And I don't want any
goddamn drug addicts
pissing all over my carpet!
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Dorothy may have
been right about Pissers.
(GROANS)
Magruder knew Mitchell's
itinerary. He had to.
Son of a bitch let us hang ourselves.
The president is a good man.
But between you and me,
I worry about some of the people
with whom he surrounds himself.
Hmm.
(SIGHS) Shit!
(PIANO PLAYING) ♪
DOROTHY: Howard, please.
Lakewood, they called twice.
HOWARD: I will pay them. I promise.
It might be time for some new luggage.
(PANTS)
Has he been taking
lessons? He's quite good.
Both your sons are talented musicians.
Of course.
Yeah.
- What if I came to Paris?
- Is Papa coming?
- DOROTHY: What?
- HOWARD: Sure, kiddo!
We could go to Rue Cler,
stop by that little
chocolatier, if it's still there.
It'll be just like when
we first started dating.
Hmm. You do know David
and Kevan are coming, also.
Do you not want me to come?
- Of course, I want you to come.
- HOWARD: Okay.
Let me go get my dusty old suitcase.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JEB: Gordon.
- Gordon.
- Fuck you, Jeb.
(EXHALES DEEPLY) Good morning.
How are you?
Fuck you, Jeb.
I heard you the first
time. (EXHALES DEEPLY)
May I have a moment of your time please?
My office.
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
Okay, somebody needs
to clean this mess up.
That dumbbell McCord
needs to fix his bugs.
And you need to photograph everything
in the bottom left
drawer of O'Brien's desk.
Which drawer?
Bottom left.
Why?
What's in the drawer?
That's what he wants you to find out!
You want us to break in a fourth time?
Wait, what do you mean a fourth time?
Nothing. Spy talk.
Got it.
No. No, Gordon.
I don't care what that
little glad-handing
frat boy thinks. No!
That's my final word.
(PHONE CLATTERS)
Should I pack a raincoat?
(SMACKS LIPS) What did Gordon want?
HOWARD: Nothing.
Well, he wants us to hit the DNC again.
(INHALES DEEPLY) I have
to tell you, Howard,
this is sounding more and
more like the Bay of Pigs.
Believe me.
I know.
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You heard me. I I told Gordon.
I'm out.
I'm done.
Oh, God.
I left my passport in the
safe at the White House.
I'll be back in a jiffy.
Pack my new brown loafers.
Hey, kiddo.
Where's Papa going?
Isn't he coming to Paris with us?
Absolutely, yes, sweetie. (CHUCKLES)
LIDDY: Knock, knock.
(BREATHES DEEPLY) Gordon. (SIGHS)
LIDDY: Howard.
(SAFE DOOR CLOSING)
HOWARD: I told you, I'm out.
I'm going to Paris with my family.
LIDDY: Fuck Paris!
Your country needs you.
Look, I'm sorry Gordon.
We can't do this.
We burned through our
budget. There is nothing left.
I sent a bunch of old campaign checks
to Macho. He's going to rinse them
in his Mexican bank account
and bring the cash up
with the boys. We are
flush. We are ready to go.
This does not feel right, Gordon.
Jesus. It feels slapdash. Risky.
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- So then we send the Cubans in.
We wait back in the
Command Center, you and I.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
I have done that before.
Never again.
Never.
So, that's it? Hmm?
You're just going to let them win? Huh?
(SIGHS) Who, Gordon? Who?
The Democrats? Fuck 'em.
If they elect McGovern,
then they deserve
all that's coming to them.
I was talking about
those son of a bitches
from the Cosmos Club. Angleton, the
other prick.
Ones who hung you out
to dry, then walked away,
giggling scot-free.
I saw the way that
they high-hatted you.
I've been dealing with bullies
like that my whole life.
That's why I left the Bureau. (SCOFFS)
And now, you and I are working
for the President of the
United States of America.
And if we can just
deliver him one election
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
who knows? (CHUCKLES)
You know, the President may say to you,
“Howard, what do you want?”
And you can say
“Mr. President
I want to be CIA Director."
- And he will say, "Done."
- (SCOFFS)
And all those little sons of bitches
they will be licking your loafers.
And then you can send them out to
pasture, writing PR copy for Mullen.
Gordon
you know that's not how it works.
It works any way that the
president wants it to work.
It is about proximity to power.
And you and I are as close as it gets.
What what's your big
gripe about JFK? Hmm?
It's that when shit got
hairy (INHALES DEEPLY)
that coward got cold feet
and did not do what was
right at the Bay of Pigs.
You're better than that.
You're better than him.
Thank you, partner.
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(HOWARD CHUCKLES)
And head right to Géricault's
Raft of the Medusa.
Do not waste your time
on the Mona Lisa. She's overrated
and and for tourists.
- I wrote it all down, Papa.
- (SIGHS)
Are you sure you can't come?
HOWARD: Um, maybe I can
try to meet you there.
- It's fine, Howard. Really.
- All right. Shove over, squirt.
Okay, I will pay the
Lakewood dues. I promise.
Please be careful.
I'll look after him.
- (CAR ENGINE STARTS)
- ST. JOHN HUNT: Bye, Mama!
- (HOWARD CHUCKLES)
- See you in a month!
Au revoir, ma chérie!
So, uh, Saint's band finally has a name.
We're called Daybreak.
They actually have a gig
tonight if we all want to go?
- Uh
- It's fine if you can't.
(STUTTERS) Of course, I want to, uh
- But you have to work.
- But I have to
- work.
- Right.
- (BREATHES DEEPLY)
- Come on.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(WHISTLES)
MCCORD: I don't understand.
I taped the lock myself.
Think it was a guard?
I don't know.
Could have been a mailman or something.
- MACHO: What do we do?
- Leave it. Let's go.
- Leave it.
- Vámonos.
(MUSCULITO AND MACHO
CONVERSING IN SPANISH)
was taped over before.
NEWS ANCHOR: (OVER TV) Senator
Hubert Humphrey's camp
today predicted that McGovern would fall
more than 180 votes short
on the convention's first ballot,
thereafter would fail
to pick up any major
Those are the pants you're wearing?
(NEWS ANCHOR SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
What's wrong with them?
Just s so shiny. It's
not an Italian wedding.
Jesus, Gordon, we're
in the Command Post.
What does it matter?
What if we were forced to
hide, and the only thing
that gave away our position
was the blinding sheen
emanating from your pants?
Are you ordering me to change my pants?
No. Simply stating a fact.
That were I wearing such glossy,
saucy pants tonight, I
would change my pants.
- (SIGHS) Christ.
- (GLASS CLINKING)
You know, you complimented
these pants in Miami.
- That was Miami.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- MCCORD: Not on me.
- The tape on the door was gone.
- (SIGHS)
- HOWARD: Security?
- MUSCULITO: No sé.
- Whatever. We couldn't get in.
MACHO: What do we do, boss?
Sharp pants.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
- We abort.
- (MACHO GROANS)
This operation is over.
Shit, I would have gone to
De Diego's daughter's wedding
if I knew we weren't
going to go in again.
I wasn't invited.
It was small. It's just family.
(BOTH CONVERSING IN SPANISH)
That tape thing, with the door,
- could you do that again?
- I don't see why not.
I said abort.
Mr. Cold Feet. Fuckin'
Kennedy all over again.
Fuckin' Bay of Pigs.
I don't wanna hear another
goddamn peep out of you,
- Frank. This is my call.
- (CHUCKLES)
The hell it is.
We were ordered to take that drawer,
and we're going to do it,
whether you like it or not.
Gentlemen, do you want to walk away
with your tails between your legs,
or do you want to fly with El Halcón?
Hey, you have done
enough for this country.
In the war.
In Cuba.
You have nothing to
prove to me, to anyone.
Least of all, to El Halcón.
Last I checked, this is not Cuba.
This is a democracy. I say we vote.
Up or down, in or out, yes or no.
Whoever wants to go in, raise your hand.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Et tu, Musculito?
- Acere.
My wife just served me
with divorce papers, so
So? Is that a yes or a no?
It's a "We don't get
paid if we don't get in,
my life is shit, and I
need the money." Sorry.
- Macho?
- No way. I'm with you, boss.
Me, too.
Then put your hand down.
- Frank, in or out?
- Jill St. John canceled on me,
so I guess I'm I'm free tonight.
Outstanding.
Jim, we'll let you be the tiebreaker.
I wanna get those mics working.
It's a point of professional pride.
I'm in.
Okay. We do it.
- Fantastic.
- MUSCULITO AND FRANK: All right.
- (SPEAKS SPANISH)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
There's a mailbox right
inside near the garage door,
can you drop this on your way in?
I'll be stuck here all night.
You know, acere, it's going to be fine.
- Yeah.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- ¡Cuba libre!
- ¡Viva President Nixon!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Okay, tighten this.
- In here.
- That's plenty tight.
- I already tightened it.
- Tighter.
(ENGINE RUMBLING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(SIGHS)
(LAUGHS)
(MUSIC FADES) ♪
- LIDDY: Thirty-six, 35, 34, 33.
- (SIGHS) Do you ever miss a day?
Negative. Thirty.
MACHO: (OVER RADIO)
Unit Two to Unit One.
Unit Two to Unit One.
We're in.
HOWARD: (OVER RADIO) Unit
One to Unit Two. Copy that.
Outstanding.
(BOTH LAUGH)
- Oh. (SIGHS)
- Oh, finally.
So
who really killed JFK?
Oh, Christ.
I think Cord Meyer knew
who really killed JFK.
And then they killed his wife
so that he would stay quiet about it.
What do you think of that?
I think you're a far smarter man
than anyone gives you credit for.
Thank you.
Come to think of it,
weren't you CIA station chief
in Mexico when Oswald was there?
Oh, God. Gordon.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Hey, Bobby, it's Wills.
I'm in the garage.
Yeah, I got a situation down here.
I'm coming up.
Where were you on November 22nd, 1963?
I was with Dorothy at
a Chinese restaurant,
Downtown DC.
Like I told the Warren Commission.
(BOTH LAUGH)
BALDWIN: (OVER RADIO) Unit Three
to Unit One. Come in, over.
This is Unit One, over.
BALDWIN: Are our guys
dressed like hippies? Over.
No. Our guys are
wearing suits. Why? Over.
There are three guys
dressed like hippies on six,
and they've got flashlights. Over.
Cleaning staff?
Hippies? Cleaning?
Uh, probably cleaning staff. Over.
They've got guns. Over.
Cops.
Stay off this channel,
maintain radio silence.
Pack up and get out. Over.
Roger that. Are we going
to try again tomorrow?
- Get them the hell out of there.
- Yes, I know. Come on, Macho.
- Unit One to Unit Two. Come in.
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Unit One to Unit Two. Come in.
Why the hell isn't he answering?
Unit Two to Unit One. They got us.
Let's sit tight. We
don't know who they are.
(BREATHES HEAVILY) Macho
has a room key. To this room.
You get the antenna.
I'm gonna pack the bags.
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(GRUNTS)
(DOOR BANGS OPEN)
(GROANS)
What's taking you so long?
It's too tight!
You told me to tighten it.
- (SCREAMS IN PAIN)
- Don't panic!
- Fuck! (YELLS)
- Don't panic!
(PANTS)
Come on! Fuck!
LIDDY: Come on! Hurry!
CARL SHOFFLER: Edward Martin
what were you doing here?
LEEPER: Holy shit. Check this out.
Found this on 'em.
Who brings that much cash to a burglary?
Hmm? Did you rob some
place before coming here?
Who the fuck are you guys?
- Huh?
- (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
LIDDY: Come on, come on,
come on, come on. Let's go!
Hurry up!
- Just keep moving.
- HOWARD: Easy for you to say.
Now you know how that
stupid CIA gait-alterer felt.
- Whoa, whoa!
- (POLICE SIREN WAILS)
- Casual.
- Let's hope your amigos
can keep their mouths shut.
We can't blame this one on junkies.
The Cubans will never talk. Ever.
Nothing leads back to us. We're fine.
Lakewood Country Club.
- You a member?
- (SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
- Bye-bye.
- All right. Let's go.
(CHUCKLES)
("THE BALLAD OF FRANK WILLS" BY
FREDERICK DOUGLASS KIRKPATRICK PLAYING) ♪
Adios, amigos.
- My name is Frank Wills There's no mistake ♪
- Mr. Martin.
I patrolled the halls
at the Watergate ♪
June the 17th in '72 ♪
It is of that day I share with you ♪
I was out, making my rounds ♪
I spied a light that
had been turned out ♪
Locks had been picked
and tape was on the door ♪
Heard a man walking
all over the floor ♪
I pulled my gun and I walked inside ♪
I said, "Freeze Where you are ♪
And hold 'em high ♪
I represent the law
of the United States ♪
In case you decide to
make a little break" ♪
Ehrlichman, why did you run? ♪
Howard Hunt, why did you run? ♪
G. Gordon Liddy and the other ones ♪
When Frank Wills
pulled out his .44 gun ♪
It's obvious you
made a grave mistake ♪
We're the President's
Counsel to the United States ♪
I don't care who you
are or where you're from ♪
One false move and I'll use my gun ♪
Ehrlichman, why did you run? ♪
Howard Hunt, why did you run? ♪
John Mitchell I'm told
is the smartest one ♪
When the story broke away he run ♪
I got my handcuffs around him too ♪
Now, no more counseling will he do ♪
Ehrlichman, why did you run? ♪
Howard Hunt, why did you run? ♪
G. Gordon Liddy and the other ones ♪
When Frank Wills
pulled out his .44 gun ♪
You know, in every crisis ♪
There's always at
least one honest man ♪
This man had to be John Dean ♪
I know who is guilty said John Dean ♪
I'd tell all, you know
if you let me come clean ♪
Everything I know I'll gladly tell ♪
Just keep me out of
the jailhouse cell ♪
Ehrlichman, why did you run? ♪
Howard Hunt, why did you run? ♪
G. Gordon Liddy and the other ones ♪
When Frank Wills
pulled out his .44 gun ♪
Now what about Mr. FBI? ♪
To help his friends he really tried ♪
He had a job ♪
He did what he's told ♪
Patrick Gray played
that off the top rope ♪
Ehrlichman, why did you run? ♪
Howard Hunt, why did you run? ♪
G. Gordon Liddy and the other ones ♪
When Frank Wills
pulled out his .44 gun ♪
They had no face ♪
They had no name ♪
They felt no guilt ♪
They felt no shame ♪
We know them all now pretty well ♪
When they're gonna fill
those jailhouse cells ♪
(SONG CONCLUDES) ♪