Who's the Boss? (1984) s01e07 Episode Script

- Hammer.
- Hammer.
- Wrench.
- Wrench.
Beer.
Beer.
Here's to good pipes.
So, what do you think of this outfit? Well, that looks nice, Mother, but the other one was nice too.
Angela, I am not looking for " nice".
I'm looking for "va-va-va-voom!" You found it, baby.
- Thank you kindly.
- Mother, my blue scarf - would look terrific with that.
- Thanks, Angela.
Isn't it fun being roomies? Well, Mother, you're welcome to stay with me any time you burn your apartment down.
Angela, I didn't exactly burn it down.
It's just a little smoke damage.
- And a few charred drapes.
- Yeah, and some old chairs.
The living room.
I think I will try the blue scarf.
Okay, Angela.
Would you like to go outside, turn on the water? We'll check this baby out.
Tony, maybe we should have called the plumber.
It's fine, Angela.
Could you please turn on the water? I'll give you a plumber - All right, ready? - Okay! Let her rip.
Dry as a bone.
Boy, it's great down here.
Micelli, you're the greatest.
Oh, wait! Hold it! Shut it off! Shut it off! - Is something wrong? - Just a little dribble.
But you know me, I wanna make it perfect, you know? I'm going to go down to the hardware store and get a washer.
Come with me.
Take a walk.
Angela, you're right.
The blue scarf is just perfect.
Mother, that's an entirely different outfit.
- You don't like it? - It's not that I don't like it.
It's just- Oh, dear! There's my study group.
Please, would you get the door? I think these shoes are just entirely wrong.
- You think my mother's acting strange? - With Mona, it's hard to tell.
- Hey.
- Hi.
We're Mona's study group.
Hey, well, I'm Tony Micelli.
Come on in.
- I'm Ralph.
This is Laura, Jason.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- How do you do? - I'm Angela, Mona's daughter.
- You must be the teacher, huh? - No, I'm a student.
- Oh, yeah? Just like Mona, huh? Oh, come now.
Nobody's just like Mona.
- Well, look- - Yes, she is a very speciaI woman - isn't she? - Now, look you kids get all your work done, or no TV tonight.
- Tony.
- I'm going.
I'll see you later Mother, don't you look nice? This old thing? Just a little something I threw on.
Well, it landed just right.
You old flatterer.
Now for the important things.
I'll get the munchies.
Come on in.
Make yourself at home.
Mother, that's a very nice looking man over there.
You should see him breakdance.
- I thought maybe I could help you.
- Oh, all right.
There you are.
Well, that certainly does help.
Supposing someone should come in though? So what? I'm just not ready to go public yet.
There's nothing wrong with what we're doing.
Oh? Then does that mean you've told your mother? Well, no.
- Did you tell your daughter? - Oh, no way.
You've got to understand Angela.
She's kind of a young fogey.
I wouldn't even know where to begin.
I know just what I'd say.
I'd say, " Mom, I've met a wonderfuI woman.
She's got more curiosity and enthusiasm than anyone I ever met.
And she's not a bad little dancer either.
" I'm sorry.
Now, Tony, this is not what you're thinking.
I ain't thinking.
I'm sure that you've seen two people kissing before.
Not these two.
I came in here for the old washer.
See, I went to the hardware store.
I'm fixing the sink, and the water, it went all over the place.
- I'll take the iced tea out.
- But I can fix it, see? I found the washer.
I'm gonna go fix it now.
Now, Tony.
Tony, I need to talk to someone.
I could send someone in.
How about Angela? She's a great listener.
- I've heard her listen.
I'm telling you.
- Tony, she's the last person I want to talk to about this.
- Please.
- Mona Please? Lay it on me, Mone.
Well, you see, I didn't go looking for someone younger.
It's just that I'm going to college now, and I found this college person.
That makes sense.
I guess I missed out on a lot the first time around.
See, I quit college to get married and to raise a family and so when all my girlfriends were being serenaded by fraternities Angela was spitting up on me.
That's our girI.
Jason and I met in class, and one day we went out for coffee and we started telling each other our life stories.
Of course, his didn't take very long.
I don't know.
We just clicked, right from the beginning.
He understands me, and we have fun together.
Yeah, I saw.
Well, you know, when I came in, I saw Just a minute.
What do you think we've been doing? I don't know.
No.
No, you're wrong.
We haven't.
I don't even think I could.
I mean, what would people think? What people? Do you mean Angela? She's the only people that really count.
Mona, all I know is one thing, you know? You only go around once in life.
If you get the chance to go twice, I think you gotta take it.
- You're right.
- I am? Yes, and you're terrific.
Too bad you're not Mom? - Who are we spying on? - Jonathan, we're not spying on anyone.
Honey, we're just trying to get a better look at Grandma's new boyfriend.
You mean, without them seeing us? That's spying.
- It's time for bed, Jonathan.
- Who is he, anyway? He's the nice-looking man with the gray hair.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- Sink's all fixed.
- Great.
- What's going on? - We're spying on Grandma's boyfriend.
- Go to bed, Jonathan.
- Me and my big mouth.
Who told you about Mona's new beau? Nobody had to tell me.
I knew it the minute I saw them together.
That's what happened to me.
I mean, when I saw them smooching in the kitchen.
Smooching? That's wonderfuI! Wait a minute.
You don't mind? I mean, I really thought the age difference was gonna bother you.
Oh, come on, Tony, loosen up.
What's a few years? These are the '80s.
Well, gee, that's terrific.
Why not go downstairs and buzz in her ear? Tell her you're in her corner.
- That's a wonderfuI idea.
I'll do it.
- Oh, boy, I love a happy ending.
- Mother? - Yes? I was just talking to Tony.
About what? About you and your new beau.
Benedict Arnold! I didn't rat you out.
She figured this one herself.
Mother, I'm thrilled.
Angela, I'm stunned.
I think it's just what you need.
My God! The hospitaI didn't switch babies on me! Mother, you can stop sneaking around.
I'm with you on this.
And I think we need to get this relationship out into the open, into the sunlight, where it can grow and flourish.
Oh, you're right! And there's no time like the present, huh? Listen, everybody.
Guess what? I have been keeping a secret which has made me a little crazier.
So in the interest of mentaI health I want you all to know I have a boyfriend.
Isn't that cute? A boyfriend! And he's right here.
Cute couple, huh? It's them.
Did Grandma and her boyfriend get home yet? - Go to bed! - Yeah, go to bed.
You're too young for this stuff.
Well, I wanna kiss Grandma good night.
Take a number.
Well, here they all are, the moraI majority.
Mother, isn't it a little late? Where have you been? Well, gee, I'm sorry, Mrs.
Bower.
I ran out of gas.
Oh, come on, you can think of one better than that.
How about a flat tire? If you were going to be late, young man the least you could've done was call.
Well, I didn't know I had a curfew.
Well, it is a schooI night.
What are you gonna do, Angela, ground her? I should be very annoyed with all of you for waiting up.
But I'm not, because I want to share something with you.
- I've been pinned! - What? Where's the pin? My pin! It was on my sweater.
- Oh, my gosh.
- I found it! - I'll get it.
- No, no, I'll get it.
- I'm the housekeeper here.
- Take the afternoon off.
I'll get the door.
I'll get the door.
I said I'll get it.
I'm Jason's mother.
You must be the Bowers.
No.
No, we're not.
I am.
He's not.
I'm Angela Bower.
I'm Tony Micelli.
I'm the housekeeper here.
I'm sure you are.
- Come in.
- Oh, my husband will be right in.
He's parking the car.
Oh, well, Mrs.
Franklin- Hilary, please.
Hilary, I'm not sure I did the right thing by calling you.
The whole thing's in doubt.
Tony, would you mind getting us some coffee? It's my afternoon off, Angela.
But what the heck? Oh, Hilary, I just wondered what chance two people have when their ages are so far apart? Teddy.
Boy, that walk really slants up.
Dear, this is Mona's daughter, Angela Bower.
Nice to meet you, young lady.
Nice to meet you.
Come in, please.
Tony, this is Ted, Hilary's husband.
And if you make any remarks, I'll kill you.
Ted and Hilary.
And this is Tony Micelli, Angela's housekeeper.
Housekeeper? Next thing you know, men'll be having babies.
And I'll name the first one after you, Teddy.
Angela was just saying she's very worried about the difference in Jason and Mona's ages.
It's not so much their ages as their other differences.
Whatever they are.
Well, I think the whole thing is a lot of horse pucky.
I'm sure your mother's an okay lady but she's just too old for our boy.
Somehow our son thinks that we should be understanding just because of the difference in our ages.
Oh, is there a difference? It's not the same thing at all.
He's got an older lady, and I've got me a young chick.
- Teddy.
- Excuse me.
Excuse me? Excuse me.
You seem to be saying that it's okay for a man - but not for a woman.
- That's exactly what I'm saying.
It's the way of the world.
Yeah, but, Ted.
Ted? Teddy.
The world is changing.
Well, you're certainly doing your share.
Why don't we get down to brass tacks? Now, we have got an unacceptable situation here.
Hey, wait a minute.
My mother is not unacceptable.
My mother is a terrific lady! And if the kids are having fun, what's it to you? Live and let live! Well, Mother, I don't think that we should overstay our welcome.
Oh, I think we already have.
Oh, no, it's been wonderfuI.
Really.
FeeI free to drop in anytime.
Call first.
Mother, what are you doing here? Well, I've been hiding out on the patio untiI the Franklins left so I could come in and ask you, Angela what the hell were they doing here? - Well, I just wanted to- - Mona, you should've seen her.
She told the old geezer, " Dummy up.
If a man can date someone younger so can a woman.
" She was great! But she's not a woman.
She's my mother! I still think what you're doing is irresponsible.
Listen, Angela, when you were growing up I didn't always agree with your decisions but I did always try to support you.
Mother, I just can't say it's okay if I don't think that it is.
Well, I like him, and I'm dating him, no matter what you think.
You've got nobody to blame but yourself if your mother runs away from home.
I was upstairs taking a few wrinkles out of your mother's prom dress.
- She sure looks beautifuI.
- That's very nice.
Aren't you even gonna go upstairs and see her before Jason picks her up? Mother and I have gone around and around about this.
- We'll just get into another fight.
- Angela, it's her prom night.
It's one of the those things she missed when you were throwing up on her.
I can't help it.
She's about to make a fooI out of herself.
How do you think those college kids are gonna react when she goes out with Jason? - Kids that age can be very crueI.
- Yeah? Well, maybe kids at any age.
Tony, I just don't want her to be hurt.
Come on, Angela! You're hurting her.
It's your mother.
You know how much she wants you to go up there? I'm the last person she wants to see.
Why don't you give me a break, huh? What you think means a lot to her.
You're the most important thing in her life.
My mother said that? Well, I cleaned it up a little bit.
Mother, you look beautifuI.
You're just saying that.
But you could say it some more.
All right.
Mother you look beautifuI.
Oh, who am I trying to kid? - I'm acting like an old fooI.
- Don't ever say that.
I don't have to say it, Angela.
You said it for me.
Oh, for crying out loud, Mother.
You've never listened to me before.
Why are you going to start now? Well, you've always been a pretty smart cookie.
That's because I take after you.
Well, Miss Scarlett, there's your date.
I I can't go through with this.
You tell him something.
- What should I say? - I don't know.
I'll think about that tomorrow.
- Hey.
- Hi, Tony.
Boy, you're looking sharp, champ.
Gee, it reminds me of my senior prom.
I was only there half the time.
Me and Bobby Guvernale were sharing a tux.
I remembered that suggestion you made.
I took care of it.
- It's a great idea.
- It's gonna be great.
I'm gonna get her.
So you think I should go? It's up to you.
You're a big girI now, Mother.
It's time for me to let go.
Just here for moraI support.
Hey, hey, come on, come on, come on! They're playing your song.
Yeah! Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
That's great, huh? How's it feeI to have the most popular mother on the block? - Actually, kind of good.
- Yeah.
- I was really touched by that serenade.
- Yeah, touched, huh? - You were salivating.
- What? I saw the way you looked at that guy.
- What guy? - The one in the back.
You're crazy.
I never saw any guy.
Besides, I don't like redheads.