Will and Grace s04e26 Episode Script

A.I.: Artificial Insemination (2)

Ok - Let's get started - All right Here we go Makin' a baby Doin' the deed Down and dirty This isn't working for me This isn't gonna be a problem, right? I mean, come on I mean, we're friends We've seen each other naked a hundred times Cinchy Right? All right Here we go - Start goin' - Yeah, that's me You know, we-- we really don't need to kiss - Kissing is not necessary - Who needs kissing? It--it seems-- I'm just gonna-- I'll just, uh-- take your shirt off You know what? I can do this with my shirt on True! True! That's You know what? I mean--I mean-- you don't need these If anything, these hurt the process, right? Twist my arm! Basically, all I really need is--is that - there - Yeah There in lies the problem Àª & ±×·¹À̽º (Artificial Insemination - Part 2) ÀÚ¸· Á¦ÀÛ - ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ Will & Grace ÀÚ¸·ÆÀ µåµð¾î 4½ÃÁðÀÇ ¸ Áö¸· ¿¡ÇǼҵå³×¿ä ¼ö°íÇÑ ¿ì¸® ÆÀ¿øµé À§ÇØ ²¿¸´¸» ¾î §¿ä? Ok Maybe maybe we should just try a different approach Yeah, you know, we--we-- we don't need the romance Let's just-- let's just get raw You know, let's get savage Ok You know what? We should just-- we should just attack each other like animals, you know?/ Ooh You know, just like paw at each other / Ooh, now - Right? - That's good - Yeah? Paw at you - Yeah That's? - Show me what you got - A little hot love paw - Whoa! - Ah! Grace! What the hell are you doing?! I was being raw and savage like you said! Well, it's not working No wonder you have trouble keeping boyfriends They can't get insurance Ok, all right, that's it I am going into the bathroom and getting naked You get under the covers and get ready for action 'Cause when I come out we're gonna put that babymaker to work You do this for me and I'll--I'll get you those leather pants you've been eyeing Oh, thank you so much Wow Yeah.
Listen I'd love to give you a tip but I don't seem to-- Oh, wait a minute Here you go Ok.
Yeah Why, Lionel Banks you filthy old man Ooh I heard the bell - Are my pizzas here? - Oh no, no Just some flowers for me Oh, good Are you dead? Good one, Ro-Ro Who are they from? Oh, uh, Stan They're from Stan Yeah, he likes to celebrate Tony Roma's birthday Liar! Tony's birthday is in the fall - Come on, give me the card - No! - Give it to me! - No! - Give it to me! - No! - No! No! - Come on Lady, don't think I won't go in there You wouldn't dare Yeah, you're right Well No! Stop! Don't! To the right! Pinch it! Stop! Who's Lionel Banks? He's the new bass player in my Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band Sweet home Alabama - where the skies are-- - Lady! All right! I met him in a bar he flirted with me He thought I was a whore Made me feel I don't know, special But it's nothing Then why aren't you wearing your wedding ring? Are you thinking about cheating with this man? - Abandoning Mr.
Stan? - No! Yes! Maybe! I don't know! I-- Oh, my P'Zone is here! Jack, as you may have heard Dorleen's manager position has become available Yeah, what happened to her? Rehab Big fan of the nose candy Blow, snow, ice All of it just hoovered right up the snout Any snootch We're looking for a new floor manager and Tristan and moi would like to offer it to you Me?! Manager?! No Floor manager That's even better It's a two-word title like homecoming queen Come on, Grace How long does it take to get undressed? Just give me another minute! Steal stuff later! We don't need another scale I can't do this Why? What's wrong? Will, you're my best friend I love you I love what we have together and I don't want it to change Sex changes things It always does We'll end up not calling being awkward together sleeping with the other person's friends just to spite them Ok, I might be personalizing on that one All I'm trying to say is if we're gonna bring a baby into the world there can't be any weirdness between us So, I don't think I can do it this way Are you mad at me? Yeah maybe a little Here they are, Jack The keys to your new office Oh, my god I've never had my own office before I will try to honor the legacy of the bipolar blow monkey who had it before me Oh, and Jack, uh you got this message Something about a voice-over audition this afternoon You're not really going to do this, are you? Absolutely not! Show business is a harsh bitch of a mistress who kicked me in the gut one too many times until I heaved up the regret of a millions yesteryears! Huh? I quit the biz My ass belongs to Barney's now Smart lady Enjoy your new office My own orifice I've arrived When you're standing on the edge of nowhere there's only one way up So your heart's gotta go there and through the darkest nights you see the light shine bright when heroes fall in love or war they live forever This is a song for the lonely Can you hear me tonight? For the broken hearted battle scared I'll be by your side This is a song for the lonely Oh Homo, I don't think we're in Barney's anymore Where am I? You're in heaven, Jack So, are you God? It depends on which bathhouse you pray at OhmyCher! You are god! Chastity, Elijah It all makes sense Wait a minute If this is heaven does that mean I've died? Only the entertainer part of you, Jack That's why I sent for you The world needs you But I can't go back to performing I've already broken it to my fan I'm a retail queen now No, you're not, Jackie You're the little boy who used to dance naked in front of his mirror Who grew up and-- and became that sensitive young teenager who danced naked in front of his mirror And spent way too much time at the gym to become the young man who dances naked in front of his mirror Don't ever stop dancing, Jack Don't ever stop dancing Show business needs you But if it needs me how come I keep getting rejected? You know, don't talk to me about rejection, ok? I mean, look how many times I've gone down in flames Remember, I lost the Oscar for Moonstruck But you won the Oscar for Moonstruck! And don't you forget it And if that doesn't convince you Hit it, boys! This is a different kind of love song dedicated to everyone Different kind of love song Stop it! Stop it! You're hawking your album during my dream?! Well, somebody's gotta pay for the fog and the dancing fairies Remember, Jack follow your bliss Follow your bliss, Jack Follow your bliss Follow your bliss Uh, my bliss is this way Follow your bliss Follow your bliss Jack Jack? Wake up! What's going Oh What's going on? Robert just bitch-slapped Terry because he pulled on his weave You better get down to women's shoes, pronzo It's a festival of tears and queers down there I'm sorry, Ruben - No can do - What? But you're the floor manager Not anymore I'm a professional actor and I have a non-union voice-over audition to go to You know, they charge for the bath robes Well, just as well I never would have been able to cram it in there with the VCR and The Bible And to think, I missed a shot in the sack with that Yeah What are we gonna do about that? Well, if we don't do it today we'll have to wait another month It's so weird that your eggs have an expiration date, you know? They're like eggs Anyway, I figured we'd go back to the insemination plan So, I booked you into the sperm bank at 10:00 We've got an appointment at my gyno's at 12:00 And then, bing, bang, boom we're pregnant Actually, not bang just a bing and a boom So, you're still sure you want to do this? Absolutely Ok, I know that I was a little freaked out before about waiting for Mr.
Right but it's a fantasy I mean what am I waiting for some guy to ride up on a white horse? Grace Come with me and be my looove I fantasize about the guy not the horse Ok, let's do a final check You've got the stuff I've got the place to put it and two Kit Kat bars for energy - We're good to go - Yeah Nothing can go wrong now What did you just say? I said, "nothing can go wrong.
" I can't believe you just said that! You put a ken ayina hora on it! What did you just say? You put a ken ayina hora on it A Jewish jinx You jinxed it Quick, quick Knock on wood - Ptoo! Ptoo! - Don't.
You're-- you're spitting on me! Hey, cabbie, you wouldn't happento have the guts of a young chicken and some kosher salt? Does it have to be kosher? All right, that's it We gotta get another cab - Pull over - What are you talking about? I'm not driving to our fertilization in a jinxed cab What, does the next one have to be driven by a rabbi? It wouldn't hurt Come on Ah, Smitty I'm about to break the heart of a lovely man whose only crime is wanting to get in my pants Come on Give me something to smile about Well, I'm not sure I can do that, ma'am You see, I'm getting laid off Today's my last day and I have seven kids to feed Not as good as the wife one but-- but still Pretty damn funny Ahh, Ms.
Beaverhousen I came as soon as you called Oh, well that's really none of my business but I'm glad you could make it I'm going to cut right to the chase I got us the Presidential Suite The bed is turned the bath is drawn and there's a handy Filipino fellow ready to attend to whatever needs that I can't meet - Shall we? - Ah.
Ah, ah, ah, ah I didn't come here for a rendezvous I came here to tell you something When I said before that I wasn't married I was lying I am married Well, I appreciate your honesty And now, I'm going to be honest with you I don't care Huh? B--? What? Here's the key to the room If you're not there in five minutes I'm going to commence with what my house boy calls "the manila folder.
" I hope I see you Hmm Hmm.
Thank God we got out of that jinxed cab Nothing can go wrong now Damn it! I ken ayina hora-ed myself! We're gonna miss our appointment! Ok, look, it's right across the park I can run for it Give me the bag, quick No, I'll run I'm faster If you get there with the sperm where are they gonna put it? You take the bag Hey, wait, wait, wait! None's going anywhere till I get paid I don't have to pay you You crashed! Just give me half - I'm not giving you anything! - Come on, haggle with me! - Hi, Grace - Hi, Jack - Going to my audition - Going to make a baby - Good luck - Good luck to you, too We're about to close Where's your girlfriend? I'd like to fill her to the rim with him and catch the bus to Atlantic City Look, she's gonna be here any minute Hi Hmm What happens? Find out this fall on - the next exciting episode of-- - Stop, stop Uh, Mr.
McFarland what's with the voice? This is how an announcer talks Ok, we'll call you Yes! Oh, my god This is so exciting!