Will and Grace s10e02 Episode Script

Where in the World is Karen Walker?

1 "Will & Grace" is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
[BOTH LAUGHING] Who doesn't love a wedding? The look on Will and Grace's face when his mother and her father said "I do" was priceless! It was like, it was What was it like? It was Oh, it was like that.
Guys, guys, guys! Whatever you do, do not think about Marilyn and Martin having sex.
Don't do it! Your pa's inside your ma! And nine months later, a dust baby! - Puhhh - No! - Come on! - Enough! [LAUGHTER ABRUPTLY STOPS] [RESUME LAUGHING] BOTH: Oop! That happened right? Why did you mother throw her garter? And why am I still holding it? Oh! Well, I gotta get home to my fella! Oh Jackie, I'm so thrilled that we're gonna be two old married gals for the rest of our lives! Because marriage is forever.
[GIGGLES] Just you and Estefan.
Forever.
And ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.
Just you, Estefan Forever.
Marriage.
Forever.
We we gotta make a change.
I mean we said we would, why haven't we? I gotta do something big.
Maybe I'll maybe I'll move to the woods for a while and grow a beard.
I don't wanna be the only gay guy in the woods.
People will say, "There's there's the woods "where that weird gay guy lives.
Though I appreciate his beard.
" What are you talking about? I don't know.
I'm traumatized.
Couldn't they wait for one of us to die? Anything else, Mrs.
Walker? Just the check, Smitty.
And I'll take this in a doggy bag.
Mm-hmm.
Oh! Uh, Smitty I was right to break it off with Malcolm, wasn't I? I mean, I should be with my husband, right? Either way, you're lucky to have someone.
You know my wife Luanne? I bought her a ticket on the "Hindenburg.
" She and 35 others went up in a ball of fire.
Oh, the hilarity! Oh, Smitty! How do you always manage to keep it fresh and edgy? [CHUCKLING] Oh, but you know what? You're right, Smitty.
As long as I am Mrs.
Stanley Evelyn Walker, there is no other man for me.
[UPBEAT TRUMPET AND PIANO MUSIC] And that is where the idea to run came from.
You know, there are so many issues we, as a nation, are facing right now healthcare, immigration Bees.
The bees are dying.
No one knows why.
Well, pesticides and climate change.
No one knows.
I just felt that it was time to stop complaining and get involved! So I decided to run for mayor.
But you're not running for mayor.
Well, I realized I was not qualified.
So, I'm running for president.
Of the New York Society of Interior Designers.
Which is as important as it sounds.
[PHONE RINGING] Grace Adler Design.
Oh, of course.
I'll be right there.
Um, that was a police detective.
She wants to talk to me Oh! Don't put that in the article it'll sound bad.
- No worries! One last thing: for age, we have 38.
Did you wanna stick with that? I'm about to be the voice of a gay army.
Don't pick a fight with me.
Estefan and I are just taking a little break, Mother.
No, he no, he was just freaked out about the whole "forever" thing you know.
- [RAZOR BUZZING] - No, it was him.
Yeah.
He has the intimacy issues, not me.
Not me.
No not me! Of course, it was me! So I decided to put a pin in the wedding.
No, you do not get to say, "I told you so," Judith! Ow! [GRUNTS] Yes, I'm shaving.
No, not those.
Not those.
No, not those! Of course, it's those! I have to shave my undercarriage, because the only thing I ever inherited from you was excess body hair and the inability to make a marriage work! I got I got another call.
I got another call.
I gotta go! Other people call me, Judith! Yes, call me after "World of Dance.
" It's the quarter-finals.
I'm not a monster.
Yello.
This is Jack McFarland.
The police? Sure, yeah, no, I'll be right there.
Now you look five years younger.
And sure, I could have gone back corporate law.
The door was open.
I was making decent bank.
Not to brag, but I did see "Mean Girls" opening night, orchestra right, cashews at intermission.
But it's time for me to write a new chapter.
A chapter I call chapter 1 in a book I call "Will Truman.
" With a subtitle "A Change Has Come.
" And that is why I grew the beard.
I thought there'd be a lot of gray not a one, not one.
It's good genes, I guess.
I just asked if you were okay with us using our laptops.
Oh yeah, that's fine.
I don't care.
[PHONE RINGING] Okay! Next time I see you people, we're gonna be jumping right into corporate compliance and forensic accounting.
- [CLASS GROANING] - I know, I'm excited too.
Hello, this is Will Truman, teacher.
Yes, detective, sure.
I'll be right there.
Hey! I just got a call.
- The detective? - Yeah.
- She called me too! - You know what it's about? No.
But remember that time we stopped in Rite Aid to get dental floss sticks and there was that big bowl of Lindt chocolates and I took one and you said, "Those aren't free," and I said, "Of course they are"? Will, I think you were right.
They weren't free.
You know what the most unbelievable part of that story is? You buying dental floss.
A police detective called me.
[WHISPERS] On my phone.
We know, she called us too, Jack.
Do you think she's investigating your beard? Because it's suspiciously dark.
- Yeah, what's with that? - Good genes! - It's good genes.
- [KNOCKING AT DOOR] Detective? Hi, I'm Will Truman, teacher.
Trish Yashida.
Thank you all for meeting me here.
I also took a travel-sized Colgate! Hey come in.
What's this about? A Mrs.
Karen Walker.
She's been missing for the past five days.
- What? - Karen? I was hoping you might have some information.
She can't be missing.
Have you checked the bars, pharmacies, dispensaries? Yes.
Distilleries, speakeasies, strip clubs? Yes.
Sometimes she goes to Sherwin-Williams and throws minks at the red paint.
I've looked everywhere.
No one has seen her.
Oh, my God.
Where could she be? As we round the corner, we come into Courtyard Square.
This set has been used in multiple films and TV shows, the most famous being "Back to the Future," starring Michael J.
Fox.
Who knew this tour would be so educational? I'm Linda, by the way.
Beaverhausen.
Anastasia Beaverhausen.
Just an ordinary tourist from the Midwest.
Ooh, me too.
What part? Michi-sota-Pennsyl-consin.
Home of the Fightin' Caucasians! If you think of anything else, please call me.
We will, Detective.
Do you think Karen's all right? Well, we know she's not dead, 'cause I'd get an alert on my phone about her last wishes.
I'm supposed to delete her porn and set your closet on fire.
The detective said she's been gone five days.
- That was when? Friday? - Yeah.
You know what? She came to my class.
- [POUNDING ON DOOR] - Wilma, you in there? Nothing! Honey, I need to talk to you.
The secret is out.
Everybody knows I'm dyeing my beard? What are you talking about? Nobody thinks that Grace is a natural red-head.
I'm talking about Stan.
What about Stan? I think someone tipped him off about my affair with Malcolm.
I'm scared.
What? Stan would never hurt you.
He's a big softy literally, he's like memory foam.
I couldn't hug that man without leaving a boob print.
Well, if you talk to him, let me know.
Oh! Honey, do you mind? There's a scratch on my purse that's been driving me crazy.
Thank you.
She was in the office with me that morning.
Did you notice anything strange? She was in the office with me that morning.
[WHISPERS] Grace! Someone's following me.
I wish someone would follow me.
My campaign hasn't gotten a single Twitter follower yet.
Grace, you're not listening.
Stan found out about the affair, - and he sent someone after me.
- [ELECTRONIC CHIME] Oh, my God! Mitchell Michael Mitchell, of Mitchell Michael Mitchell Designs is following me! And he's tweeting his full support for president! I could actually win this thing.
Grace, I'm scared.
You're scared? I'm about to be the voice of leadership for a 160 mostly gay interior designers.
I wear one winter coat in the fall, and I'm dead.
And then I ran into her that afternoon.
BOTH: She'll be coming around the mountain - When she comes - Switch! She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes Switch! She'll be coming around The mountain, she'll be coming around the mountain She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes [CHORTLES] Turn.
This is so nice showering together.
You know, we can do this every day now, for the rest of our lives.
Just you and me.
No one else.
Forever and ever.
Water I need some water! What happened? What's wrong, mí corazon? Nothing, nothing, nothing! Okay, it's just that every time we talk about being together forever, you seem to get very thirsty.
First of all, I do not.
And I have no problem with the concept of forever, okay? Jackie, I need to talk! Karen, I'm in a relationship.
You can't just walk in when I'm showering.
[LAUGHTER] This is [MURMURS] How funny would it be if I was that person? Karen, would you like to join us? - I can scowch over.
- Come on in! I'd love to, homos, but no time.
Poodle, I have to disappear.
You may never see me again, so would you feed my hamsters To my snake? Sure Karen, yeah, but where are you going? What's going on? No time.
Gotta run.
Good-bye.
[THUD] I hope you two are happy together.
Just the two of you, nobody else.
Marriage.
[CHUCKLES] Forever.
She was asking us for help.
When said she was gonna disappear, I thought she meant she was going to Brazil to get her 2019 face.
[GASPS] Oh, my God.
I fed her snake to her hamster.
But what if it was Malcolm? I mean, he was in love with her, he's CIA.
He could be motor-boating her right now.
You mean waterboarding? Do I? I'ma text him and ask him.
Jack, if he did something to her, he's not gonna just tell you.
Hey, Malcolm, can we talk? What's on your mind, Jack? I didn't even send the text yet.
I get your texts even before you send them.
A little gift from my friends at Cambridge Analytica.
And Will that guy at the gym is not into you.
Karen is missing.
Do you know where she is? No, but if I had to guess, she's either at Sherwin-Williams or on the run because Stan found out we're having an affair.
We don't know that for sure.
- We do.
- How? - Because I told him.
- It was you! You know that I've worked for Stan off and on for many years.
He suspected that someone was sleeping with his wife, so he offered me a good deal of money to find out who.
But it was you.
Easiest 5 large I've ever made, except of course, for betting on the last election.
You don't think he's gonna hurt her, do you? - No.
- Oh, thank God.
But you don't understand.
Because you framed the question in the negative, I was forced to use a negative to assert the affirmative.
I don't don't think he's going to hurt her.
What? I think she's in big trouble.
Malcolm! Your affair with Karen was over.
You should have stayed away! Why did you come back? Why? That's like asking "Why is the sky blue? Why is the grass green?, Why is your beard so dark?" Good genes! I came back because I'm in love with her.
I knew I'd have no shot while she was still with Stan ruining her marriage was the only card I had left to play.
Now I fear I'll never hear that sweet voice again.
You son of a bitch! Darling! Was that anger or foreplay? How could you tell my husband we were having an affair? How did you find out? Who ratted? No one.
I figured it out myself.
Well me and Linda.
I honestly thought Stan wouldn't find out about it.
I guess I was just fooling myself, thinking I was somehow immune.
Pretty stupid, huh, Linda? Oh, we've all had our share of humdingers.
Me included.
One time, I took a drink that said, "Lisa" on it from my coffee place.
I know my name's not Lisa.
You are a bad girl.
But I just wish I knew how Stan found out.
I mean, who would have told him? Well, I watch a lot of TV, and usually the one who did it is the ex-lover.
The ex-lover.
Well, that would mean Stop the tram! [BRAKES SCREECH] Thanks, Linda! You're a lifesaver.
I'm also slowly poisoning my father-in-law.
Respect.
I want you out of my life.
I see.
Well, what can I say? I gambled on love and wound up passed out on a video poker game with a roll of nickels and two unused tickets to Jeff Dunham.
C'est I'amour.
Au revoir, Karen.
- Some froyo some - No! I have to get out of town before Stan's goon finds me.
Good-bye, dear friends.
I'll really miss two of you.
And not the two you would think.
Ha.
- Hello, Mrs.
Walker.
- You! You're the one who has been following me! - The cop? - Oh, I'm no cop! Why did you stop talking? I thought there might be gasps.
Because I'm not a cop.
I'm a process server.
And Mrs.
Walker, these are your divorce papers.
[ALL GASP] Oh! There's the gasp.
Divorce papers.
Come on, Karen.
We're gonna get you through this.
Yeah, now that Estefan and I are taking a break, I can be completely focused on helping you.
You two split up? Yeah, there were issues with the whole "forever" thing.
I'm more of a "Jack-of- all-gays", so You can't go into a marriage thinking about forever.
Who put that stupid idea into your head? Marriage is a series of moments.
Waking up in the morning, smiling at each other across the kitchen table.
Hiding jewelry together and blaming the maid.
Then firing her and watching her cry as she loads her one tattered suitcase into the back of a cab.
You know, couple stuff.
Do you love Estefan? Well, yeah, of course I do.
Well then, you go get him.
Even sitting here with this, I wouldn't trade one moment with Stan.
Well, we're gonna hook up later tonight, so I'll tell him after, but what are you gonna do, Kar? Whatever it is, we are your friends, and we'll be here for you.
It's scary not knowing what's coming next, for all of us, but, uh, you've got the world's best safety net.
- Come here, you guys.
- Aw! I'll shave it! I'll shave it!