Wizards Beyond Waverly Place (2024) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Hey, Roman, are you sleeping?
Yes.
Okay, cool.
Hey, Roman?
- What?
- Is the monster gone?
We've talked about this, okay?
There is no monster!
Why'd you scream? You scared me.
I scared you? Look,
tha that's it, okay?
I'm too old to be living with
a kid who believes in monsters.
Remember what Gladys at
the dry cleaners said?
That's the most ketchup
she's ever cleaned out
of a young man's pants?
Exactly. "A young man."
And a young man,
needs his own room.
N I'm talking to Mom and Dad.
Well, that's new.
Oh, hey, kid. Is
this the Russo house?
What are you doing in my mirror?
That's how we get
places. I'm a wizard.
Where's your robe
and pointy hat?
Let me clarify. I'm
a wizard with style.
Billie, we can't go in that way.
Wait! Who else is in there?
Should I be changing
in the bathroom?
- Okay, Milo.
- Roman.
There's something
I gotta tell you.
Me first, okay? Maybe
I flew off the handle.
Not gonna move out.
But promise me, no more
crazy made-up stories.
- There's a wizard in our mirror!
- Dad, I need my own room!
Everything is
not what it seems ♪
When you can have
what you want ♪
By the simplest of means ♪
Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪
Because everything
is not what it seems ♪
You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪
Because everything
is not what it seems ♪
Yes, please ♪
What it seems ♪
Oh! Hey there, good looking.
Why, yes.
It is my birthday
today. Yeah, 34.
Oh, you think the
J-Man's still got it?
I think you still
got it. Giada.
You're awake. That's fun.
Happy birthday, J-Man.
You remembered my birthday.
How could I forget?
You sent me four
calendar invites.
Well, you do know that
coordinating family logistics
is my love language.
Gross! Get a room!
This is our room.
Hey, guys! Anything you
wanna say to me today?
Oh, thank you for asking.
I need my own room.
No, like anything you
want to, uh, wish me?
I wish you would
give me my own room.
Look what I woke
up to this morning.
It's so the monster in
the closet will think
I'm a monster and
go after Roman.
Savage. Gets that from my side.
Mom, don't encourage him.
You should be telling him
there's no such
thing as monsters.
Back me up on this, Dad.
Absolutely, buddy.
There is no such
thing as monsters.
And I should know,
'cause I was not
a monster hunter
when I was your age.
You were a monster hunter?
No! No, I was very clear
when I said I was not
a monster hunter, okay?
I couldn't have been,
because I'm not a wizard.
What are we even talking about?
Is Dad having a midlife crisis?
Are you getting a tattoo?
Ooh, are you?
- No, and I am not midlife
- M'kay.
Guys, I turned 34 today.
It's your birthday?
Be honest with me, does no
one check the family calendar?
We all love the calendar, big
fans of the calendar. Okay.
Boys, go get dressed. I think
your dad needs a moment.
Listen, don't freak out,
but I got you a little
surprise for your birthday.
But I don't like surprises.
Oh, you're gonna like this one.
Okay, I can handle this.
Maybe liking surprises
will be a new thing
for me. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, who am I kidding? Giada!
Let's just go in this way.
No, we have to use
the front door.
Like a mortal? Aw, man,
nobody better see me.
Giada! Hey, um, uh, yeah
Giada, why why don't you
tell me what it is, okay?
And you'll be like, "Surprise!"
And then I'll be like,
"No freaking way!"
Gia Huh?
Look who's using the front door
just like one of you people.
Surprise!
No freaking way.
I know, I look
fantastic, don't I?
Alex, [stammers] are you
here for my birthday?
It's your It uh It's
your birthday! That's why
That's why I came,
you know? Aw.
That's why we're here. We
came for your birthday.
You dragged me here for
your brother's birthday?
No, I brought you here,
so you can meet your
new wizard teacher.
I don't need a new teacher.
They never believe in me anyway.
Well, this one will. He's
the best I've ever known.
Annoyingly. But
I just have to find
a way to ask him.
He can be a little high-strung.
Did you guys track this dirt in?
Okay, a lot high-strung.
So, you're the guy who owns
all the sandwich shops?
Like, the billionaire?
Uh, no. That would be Max.
I'm a middle school vice
principal, which some
would say is much cooler
than being a billionaire.
- Nobody says that.
- I would never say that.
Uh, and Alex, who is this?
Oh, um, this is Billie.
She's with me.
Well, that clears everything up.
- Aunt Alex!
- Oh, my gosh! Hi, guys!
How are you? I
bought you presents.
Because I'm the coolest
aunt, like ever.
Oh! Shirts.
- So
Straight outta WizTech.
- Alex.
Can I speak with you in private?
That's the wizard
girl from our mirror.
Dude, you're gonna
weird her out.
Hey, what kind of mileage
does this thing get?
Okay, maybe she's
gonna weird us out.
Uh, what are these?
Uh, hilarious novelty tees.
About wizards.
Well, we are wizards.
Okay, we're talking
over here now.
Remember how the
last time we talked,
you asked me when I was going
to tell Giada and the kids
that I was from a
family of wizards?
- Yeah.
- Well, I kinda sort of haven't.
You're still lying to your
family, Justin? I'm
I'm so proud of you.
I'm not lying, Alex.
Technically, I'm not a wizard.
Okay? Anymore. I
haven't picked up a wand
since I got fired from WizTech.
Oh Yeah. The
unicorn incident.
- That was hilarious Awful.
- Awful!
It was so awful. That's
what I was trying to say.
Uh, but don't you miss it?
You know, teaching wizards?
No. I don't even think
about it every day.
- You just said every day.
- Yes, I didn't.
Look, okay? Just
while you're here,
no talk about magic and
no wizard talk, okay?
Fine. What exactly does your
family think I do for a living?
Professional dog walker.
I want to be offended,
but I do love dogs, so
All right, fine. I
won't blow your cover.
Thank you. And what about
Billie? Is she cool?
I promise.
Billie definitely won't say
anything about being a wizard.
I'm a wizard!
- I told you.
- Milo, she's not a wizard.
I know you didn't just say that.
There's no such
thing as wizards.
And I know you did
not just say that.
It's not personal.
He doesn't believe me
about the monster in
our closet either.
Uh Because
monsters aren't real,
just like wizards aren't real.
Okay, smart guy, show
me your closet then.
Fine, but all that's
gonna prove is that I have
great taste in cardigans.
There it is. There's the closet.
Open it up.
This is your dumb
thing. You open it.
I'm not opening it.
I like being alive.
Well, guess you're both
too scared to open it.
I am. Thought I was
clear about that.
Hey, fine, I'll open it.
From the place where
dark beasts dwell,
I summon a floogie
with this spell.
Get ready to not see
Why are you laughing?!
Because, you said
monsters aren't real,
so I conjured one, 'cause
I'm a wizard, ahwandra.
Please tell me there's a
spell to make it go away.
There is, I just don't know it.
You don't know how
to send it back?
Then why did you conjure it?
- 'Cause you said I couldn't.
- You can't argue with the logic.
I don't hear anything.
See? Uh, maybe the monster
went away on its own?
Yeah, that definitely
happens. Go check it out.
You checked it out?
What is wrong with you?
Me? We didn't have a monster
in the closet until
you came along!
- Actually
- Not now, Milo!
My dad cannot find out
there's a monster
running around the house.
- It'll
- Ruin his birthday.
His birthday? If Justin Russo
finds out wizards are real,
- his head's gonna explode!
- Cool.
Why did you bring
that that
- Floogie.
- That floogie here,
if you couldn't get rid of it?
'Cause I didn't know I
couldn't get rid of it
until I brought it here.
You need to go back
to wizard school.
Well, I can't, 'cause
I got kicked out.
It's not my fault my
teachers don't believe in me.
But I don't need them.
I don't need anyone.
We definitely need someone.
No, we don't. I can fix this.
I'll get rid of
the floogie myself.
Please.
All right, fine.
But if that thing
poops in the house,
you're cleaning it up.
Oh, they don't poop. They
flarf. It's way worse.
So, hypothetically, yeah, I use
words like hypothetically now,
what would you say if
someone were to ask you
to go back to teaching magic?
Alex, what is this all about?
Oh! Sorry I took so long.
Mr. Kopecky from next door
forced me to look at
pictures of his grandson.
Now, I would never say
that a baby is ugly,
but this baby, it
looks like a foot.
- Alex!
- Hey, Giada.
What are you doing here?
Giada, come on. I know that
Alex is my birthday surprise.
Whoa, babe, I would
never ambush you
with family and
call it a present.
So, Alex, how's work?
Uh, work's great. I'm
on the Tribunal now.
- You're on the Tribunal?
- There's a dog-walking tribunal?
Yeah. Yeah, they were like,
"Alex, there are some pretty
bad dogs out there, and
and you're the only
one that can help."
Oh, you're the
only one, huh? You?
Yeah. Why is it so
hard to believe?
I mean, I am the family
dog walker.
But I practically taught
you how to walk those dogs.
If anyone should have been
on the Tribunal, we both know
that it should have been moi.
Okay. Well, if you wanted to
make the Tribunal so badly,
maybe you shouldn't
have hung up your leash.
Okay, you know, well,
this is getting awkward.
Is anybody thirsty? I'm not,
but I'm gonna leave anyway.
Dude, what's your problem?
I thought you were happy
you left wizarding behind.
I am, okay? I like my quiet,
predictable, no surprises life.
Then why are you acting like
you have flarf for brains?
First, we don't use that kind
of language in this house.
And second, if you're
not my birthday surprise,
what are you doing here, Alex?
Okay fine. Um, Billie is one of
the most extraordinary wizards
I've ever met. But she needs
What was that?
Giada!
This looks like
a floogie freeze.
Oh, look at you remembering
your class-three monsters.
- Just like old times. When we were little, I used
- Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no. No. You
said you wouldn't do magic.
I didn't do this. It
- Billie
- This is classic Alex.
You're here for five minutes
and I got a floogie infestation,
and just look at
my beautiful wife!
I'll handle this. After all,
I am the family dog walker.
The only way to unfreeze her is to banish
the floogie back where it came from.
I know, but thank you for the
refresher because I forgot.
Whatever you do, do
not look the floogie
right in the eye,
or he'll freeze you.
Which one? The thing's
90 percent eyes!
It's over there!
He's eating the couch!
Dad won't even let
us eat on the couch!
Roman, look out!
- Milo!
- He saved you.
Well, we're Russos. Russos
always have each other's backs.
So, you would have done
the same thing for him?
I would have
strongly considered it.
We should hide him until
I can banish the floogie.
I think if your parents
saw their son frozen solid,
it'd be pretty upsetting.
Do you? Do you think that?
What are we gonna
do about the couch?
- Oh, nice.
- Let's go.
Where are we hiding the kid?
An infinity pocket?
Bottomless bag?
You know, I can open a
portal to the Nowhere Zone.
I'm not sending
my little brother
to the Nowhere Zone. He's
got a field trip tomorrow.
Help me put him on the bike.
- A helmet? Really?
- It's the law!
All right, Giada,
we're almost there.
There we go. Okay. Sorry.
That's Oh! Hey, g guys.
I didn't know you
were out here.
Oh, yeah, I was just showing
Billie the water heater.
- Yeah.
- And I was just
I was just carrying
whatever's under this blanket.
Well, that is some very
normal behavior
from the both of us.
Ta-ta.
Uh, Roman, just real quick, bud.
You haven't seen anything,
like, weird going on
around here today, have you?
Uh No, no, no,
no, nothing weird.
Just the regular
old boring Russos.
No reason for you to
get worked up, Dad.
Wait, wait, wait, you're saying
we're boring? You think we're boring?
Oh, yeah, totally,
totally the boring-est.
Maybe I could stand to use
a little excitement in life.
Well, well, you are
not gonna find it here,
because our house
is boring central.
See, I'm getting bored
just talking about it.
See ya.
Not there. Not there.
Not there. There you are.
I guess I could start
looking for the floogie now.
- Oh, hi, Alex. Bye, Alex.
- No, no.
I knew it. You had something
to do with the floogie.
This is just like
when you put a curse
on Professor
Dinklebot's toothbrush.
He was shaving his
tongue for a month.
That was hilarious.
- I know!
But no! This is not
a laughing matter.
Oh, you made me sound
like my mother. Billie,
Justin is not gonna teach you if
he thinks that you're trouble.
- Sounds like a win-win to me.
- You don't get it.
This is your last chance.
The Tribunal thinks
that you're dangerous
and they wanna take your wand.
But that's not fair.
I'm a great wizard.
You're a powerful wizard.
There's a difference.
I'm not dangerous, and I'll
prove it. I can fix this.
Just stay out of the way. You've
done quite enough, young lady.
Who am I right now?
Hey, where are you going?
I'm going upstairs
to find that floogie.
What do you think you're doing?
Going with you. You
mess everything up!
- You clearly need help!
- No, I don't!
With magic cast by me alone, I
send thee to the Nowhere Zone.
Here, floogie, floogie!
Levitatus sofitus. Wow,
it's clean under here.
What am I talking about?
We're at Justin's house.
Of course he vacuums
under the couch.
I wasn't using magic!
Listen, Alex. I'm sorry
that I snapped at you, okay?
It's just, you were talking
about all the great stuff
you're doing, and I got jealous.
Really? Of me?
Yeah. You know, maybe I
do miss being a wizard.
I'm so happy to
hear you say that.
- Why?
- Okay, Billie is an incredibly
powerful wizard, but
she's rebellious,
and stubborn and sarcastic.
She has no discipline.
Sounds like someone else I know.
Like me, I get it.
But I had Dad.
And I had you.
Billie has no one.
Every teacher she's ever
had has given up on her.
- It's kinda why I'm here. I'm
- No, Alex. No.
I mean, I I I I
don't teach wizards anymore.
Justin, you were the
youngest headmaster
of WizTech in history.
Yeah, and then I got fired.
So, what? You
just hide out here
in Staten Island and
deny who you are?
I don't want my family to
know anything about my past.
So, you're ashamed
of being a wizard?
No. A failure.
You only fail if
you give up, Justin.
Billie needs a teacher
who believes in her.
She needs you,
like I needed you.
I don't know if I have
it in me to try again.
This couch feels two
inches further to the left.
Billie!
Alex, there's a gigantic
floogie in my kid's room!
Really? Where? Billie,
what did you do?
I tried banishing it, but I only
made it bigger. Alex, please!
I thought I could do it,
but I can't. I was wrong.
Alex, what are you
doing!? Banish it for her!
Alex! Don't! Come here!
What are we gonna do?
Alex is the only wizard
strong enough to banish
that thing. You do it.
I I can't do it.
But Alex said you were
the best she's ever known.
Would've been nice to
hear that from her.
Listen to me. You have to
do this, okay? Only you can.
I already tried, but I failed.
A wise wizard once told me,
you only fail if you give up.
Now, what were you thinking
when you summoned it?
Guess I just thought of
the floogie, the closet,
and then I said the
spell, and it was there.
Just focus, okay?
Clear your mind.
I told you, I can't.
My teachers were right
not to believe in me.
No. No, no, no. You just
had the wrong teachers.
Okay? Hey, you got
this, all right?
I believe in you, okay?
Think of the place you
wanna send the floogie.
And repeat after me.
With magic strong
and words of power.
We banish you,
floogie, at this hour.
We banish you,
floogie, at this hour.
Now, together.
Back to the road
from whence you came,
and never ever more remain.
We did it!
- You did it.
- And I knew that you could.
Justin taught me.
Oh, thought you
don't teach anymore.
Wait, did you let yourself
get frozen on purpose
so I'd have to step
in and instruct her,
thus rediscovering
my love of teaching?
That would've been
a really smart plan.
Well, and I don't know
if you did or you didn't.
That's just the way I want it.
I was hanging on
my bike forever.
I'm gonna have to put
lotion on my tender parts.
She trapped me in
the Nowhere Zone.
I saw things I can't forget.
They don't have a lotion
for your brain, Milo.
Actually, they do.
But the worm that makes
it has to crawl in
through your earhole.
But for real, thanks
for trying to help me.
Thanks for saving my family.
I mean, you are the one
that put them in danger,
but thanks.
It was so weird. I
I'm in the kitchen,
and the next thing I know,
I'm in the garage with
a blanket over my head.
That is weird.
You know, it's probably best
to just forget about
it and move on.
You know, I could hit her with
a little cerebellum erasus
and erase her memory.
Keep your wand out
of my wife's head.
So, Milo, I've been thinking.
Um, now that we know
that wizards are real,
and monsters are real
I already knew
that, but continue.
I've, uh, I've decided
to stay in our room.
You know, for when
you get scared.
When he gets scared or
when you get scared?
When are you leaving? Hey,
Dad, when is she leaving?
Actually, I was thinking
she could, uh, stay with us
for a little while.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, Dad, are you sure?
What do you think?
I think I could
learn a lot here.
And Giada's cool with this?
- Totally.
- You didn't ask her.
I didn't.
Can't believe you're staying.
You know, I thought
the face you made
when you saw the floogie
was my favourite.
But now it's this one.
This one is definitely
my favorite.
Happy birthday, J-Man.
- Aw.
- Happy birthday!
Oh, right, it's your birthday.
If I'm gonna train
you, it can't be here.
Why not?
His family doesn't
know about wizards.
Right! [laughs] Yes, they
do not know about wizards,
'cause I didn't tell them.
So, unless you told them
You know, that is a
really nice cardigan.
Thank you.
Alex, will you do the honors?
Mm-hm.
The old lair, this
takes me back.
Oh!
Hello, Wandy. My old friend.
You know, I thought you
were just bringing me
to another teacher
who doesn't care.
But, I was wrong. Thanks
for believing in me.
Of course. Us rebels,
we gotta stick together.
Look, I have to go back
to the Tribunal. Are you good?
Don't worry. I'll be okay here.
Zippo zap, zippo
zee, zippo zeria!
Still got it.
Okay, good, good, because
there's one thing I, um,
kind of sort of
forgot to mention.
Nothing big, just
this teeny tiny,
but very real prophecy
about the end of the world,
and Billie being the
only one who can save us.
The fate of the world
is in her hands?
Well, technically,
it's in your hands.
You make sure she's ready,
and I'll figure out what
she needs to be ready for.
Thank you.
For everything.
Russos always have
each other's backs.
Well, don't blow it, J-Man.
I've missed this.
"Don't blow it, J-Man."
What'd she mean by that?
Uh, well, I, uh
I think we should get started.
Everything is
not what it seems ♪