Wizards Beyond Waverly Place (2024) s01e07 Episode Script

1
[upbeat rock music playing, fades]
- Billie?
- Whoa!
Oh, Milo!
I thought you were your dad.
I get it. I'm wearing his aftershave.
Why are you hiding?
We gotta get ready
for the Fall Fest parade.
I know, but I've kind of, sort of,
been blowing off my wizard homework
for the past few weeks,
and if your dad finds me,
he's gonna make me stay home and do it.
He's the principal, Billie.
Making sure kids do homework
is all he has.
Yeah, but I wanna be doing spells,
not reading them. It's so boring!
- [Justin] Billie?
- Oh, flarf, here he comes.
Hey, bud, have you seen
Milo, are you dusting?
Apparently, I am!
I'd be jealous
if I wasn't so proud. [chuckles]
If you see Billie, let me know.
[sighs] That was close.
I am not missing this parade.
Roman promised me I could ride
on the school float.
That's what you're excited about?
Not the candy? Or the marching bands?
Or the candy? Did I mention the candy?
I've eaten tons of candy,
but I've never ridden on a float before,
and I've always wanted to.
For a wizard, you've got a really low bar.
Has anyone seen our blowtorch?
We don't have a blowtorch.
Fine. I guess I'll just have to
finish my float with a glue gun
like an amateur.
You haven't finished the float?
No, and I don't need any more pressure!
If our school float's
gonna beat Potter Middle,
I need a clear mind.
And a blowtorch!
[Justin] Billie, where are you?
Milo, are you mopping now?
If that's what this thing is for,
then yes!
Maybe Billie's in the lair.
[gasps] That was close.
[Justin] Billie? Is that you?
Dang it!
This is ridiculous.
I'm just gonna help you clean
until she shows up.
Yeah, I'll go do the upstairs toilet
with this bad boy.
Okay, I'll do my homework!
I don't know how you figured me out.
Oh, I'm just that good.
Nothing gets by me.
- You didn't know it was her, did you?
- No clue.
[theme song playing]
Everything is not what it seems ♪
When you can have what you want ♪
By the simplest of means ♪
Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪
Because everything
is not what it seems ♪
You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪
Because everything
is not what it seems ♪
Yes, please ♪
- What it seems ♪
- [Theme song concludes]
You were gonna sneak off to the parade
and just leave your wizard homework?
I'm pretty sure it doesn't wanna go.
Come on, Justin, please.
I've never ridden on a float before!
Well, you should've thought of that
before you decided
not to do your homework!
If I'm gonna train you,
you need to do the reading I assign.
Well, how do you know
I didn't already do it?
Turn to a spell.
Try, I don't know, page ten.
Okay.
[chuckles softly]
[grunts]
Let go!
[gasps]
Okay, well, there you have it.
That's the reason
I haven't done my homework.
This book's broke.
No, it's enchanted.
That's Alex's old spell book.
You can't turn a page
unless you actually read it.
It's the only teaching method
my dad found to get Alex to study.
But you learn spells by doing them!
No, you learn spells by reading them!
No. This book's so basic!
I mean, spells, "Abracadabra"
to "Zigzag Zippers."
Who needs help with zippers?
Clearly, you've never been
trapped in a sleeping bag.
Clearly, you have!
Look, what kind of teacher would I be
if I taught you the advanced stuff
when you haven't mastered the basics?
The cool kind?
Look, if you wanna go to the parade,
read the book and complete each quiz
after the chapters,
like you should've been doing all along.
Fine.
Okay, Billie.
You're getting on that float.
I can do this.
Oh, I can't do this.
I mean, what are these spells?
"As we go slow, slow, slow."
There's no way Alex read this whole thing.
Hm?
"The Spellp-Line. We're here to spellp!
Just call 'spellp.'"
Huh?
I could use some spellp.
[dramatic musical sting]
[upbeat rock music playing, fades]
Hey. Hi. [chuckles] Hi!
So, I asked for burnt orange,
and this is clearly toasted tangerine.
Do it over.
My design specifically called
for angry eyes.
These eyes are vexed at most.
Wanna see angry eyes?
Look at mine! Do it over.
People!
This is the Fall Fest
Middle School Float Competition!
All of Staten Island
and possibly some of New Jersey
is gonna be at this parade.
I need your A-game!
Roman, relax.
Aren't parades supposed to be fun?
Fun? You think I've been pasting
a bunch of leaves to chicken wire
for two weeks for fun?
This is war.
Potter Middle is not beating us again!
They think they are.
They already put up their victory banner
at their victory party last week.
Well, there won't be
a victory party today.
Yeah, 'cause they already had it,
last week.
Oh, no. I mean we're gonna win.
The school chose my design,
because they knew I could
finally bring home that trophy.
Everyone's counting on me.
Love the passion, but the full committee
thinks you're being,
how do I put this nicely,
a total jerkbag.
That was putting it nicely?
It was nicer than what they said.
People, I
I hear some of you feel
that I've been too hard on you,
perhaps taking this rivalry too seriously.
And to that, I say
[yells] If you don't like my methods,
you can turn in your crepe paper
and leave!
In fairness, you never said
how to turn in your crepe paper.
Where am I?
[clerk]
Welcome to the Spellp-Line,
the world's number one
spell helpline for wizards.
I'm Jerry.
How may I spellp you?
Man, you guys really went all in
on this spellp thing.
It was actually a typo,
but we had already
printed up the business card,
so here we are.
I need spellp [clicks tongue]
I mean help, finishing my
Ooh, wait, before I can spellp,
I just need to read
this Spellp-Line wiz-claimer.
Ha! Here it is!
[clears throat]
"The Spellp-Line cannot assist with
"the commission of a crime,
"the bribery of an elected official,
"revenge on a loved one,
revenge on a hated one,
"and under no circumstances of any kind
"will we give you answers to homework."
I am so glad they didn't make me
memorize that.
Now, how may I spellp you?
Uh, not homework.
But I need help finishing some forms.
A stack of forms
that an evil troll
is forcing me to fill out
to cross his bridge.
You know how trolls are
always with the forms.
Trolls do love forms.
It really takes a troll on you. [laughs]
Get it? Troll?
Okay, you know what?
You need a completion spell.
Okay, here we go.
Uh, curing colds,
curing cold cuts, colon cleanse.
Ah! Completion! With this spell,
you can complete any task.
"By mystic powers of Earth and Sun,
"let this task at once be done."
Perfect. This is exactly what
I need to finish my quizzes.
Quizzes? I thought you were
trying to cross a bridge.
I, uh Hey, is that an orc?
What? Where?
There's no You There It's Oh!
Come on, Jerry!
Oldest trick in the book.
Hey, Justin. Here are the quizzes.
Wow! You did them all?
Yep, they're all completed. Completely.
Well, I am impressed!
I mean, look, I know that spell book
can be a little boring.
Actually, I found something
very interesting in it.
I remember Alex saying that.
Well, I'm gonna go see how
Roman's float's coming along.
Oh. And from now on,
feel free to load me up
with as much homework as you want.
I remember me saying that!
I gotta go. The station called.
They want me to do a live remote
from the Fall Fest.
The Grand Marshal is turning 108 today.
A hundred and eight?
Doesn't he get shot out of a cannon?
That's why it's news, Justin.
I hate when they call me last minute.
I haven't even had time to do my hair yet.
Luckily, Armand said he could fit me in.
[splutters]
You don't need Armand!
I can do a little Salonus Uponus.
[chuckles] Justin, you do spells,
but Armand works magic!
Yeah, he does. He's about
to make 200 dollars disappear
from our bank account.
I had to simplify my design
after everyone abandoned me,
but do you think anyone will notice?
Only if they look at it.
Got all my homework done.
Now, it's time to ride the Whoa.
What happened?
This thing is half finished.
"Half" feels generous.
Okay, fine, you're right.
It's a total disaster.
I let the whole school down.
No, Roman, don't give up. You can do this.
Huh. That's surprisingly supportive.
Well, I'm only saying it,
- 'cause I wanna ride on the float.
- Oh.
But if you're feeling supported,
that's good, too.
- What is it with you and riding on floats?
- What? They're cool and exciting!
"Cool and exciting"?
Do you know what a float is?
I can tell you what a float isn't.
That embarrassing pile of junk
right there.
I'm never gonna beat Potter now.
I mean, you would,
if only you knew a wizard
who just learned a completion spell.
Do I know a wizard who just
learned a completion spell?
Ah, luckily, you do.
Oh. Is it Dad? Hey, Dad!
[chuckles] You got jokes.
Do you want me
to complete your float or not?
Yes, please.
"By mystic powers of Earth and Sun,
"let this task at once be done."
[gasps] It's perfect!
It's just as I envisioned it!
I mean, the orange could be
a little more burnt.
You know, I can give you
the janky float back.
No, no, no, no, I love it.
I love it. To the parade!
[upbeat rock music playing]
[music fades]
[grunts]
Why aren't you helping me?
This is so exciting!
I'm about to ride on a float.
I can't wait to get up there.
Up where?
Are you getting on or what?
What is happening?
We're floating!
Oh! Float!
Now I get why you were so excited.
What a fun mix-up!
Not from where I'm dangling!
Guys, I'm dangling! I am in a full dangle!
Help!
[tense music playing]
[Roman gasps]
[upbeat rock music plays, fades]
[Roman grunts]
Billie, I just wanted you
to finish my float.
Why is it floating?
Because floats float.
That's why they're called floats.
Not in the mortal world!
Seriously?
Then what's fun about a mortal parade?
I told you. The candy!
Of course, I should have seen this coming.
You're a wizard.
Floats float, followers follow.
Really, this is my fault!
Well, I mean, I wasn't gonna say it.
Roman, know how you've been asking Dad
to take you to the Statue of Liberty?
- Yeah.
- You can stop asking.
- Isn't this fun?
- Cool!
It feels like I should drop
a couple bucks down there.
The Parks Department
is critically underfunded.
It feels wrong to be
getting this view for free.
Another gold star! Wow!
Billie got perfect scores
on all of her quizzes. [laughs]
Even I didn't do that
when I was a student!
Wait a minute. Even I didn't
do that when I was a student.
The Spellp-Line?
That's how Billie aced
all of those quizzes!
But they have a very strict
"no homework" policy.
What kind of spellper
- would be irresponsible enough to
- [Jerry] Justin!
- Dad!
- [laughs] Hey!
What are you doing here?
Well, your mother took up tennis,
and apparently, I'm not very good at it.
And now, I'm here at the Spellp-Line.
Why didn't you tell me?
Well, I mean, when you left WizTech,
we kind of stopped talking
about wizard stuff.
I know. I just I was done with it
until a couple of weeks ago when
- You got Alex'd.
- I got Alex'd.
I'm so glad you started teaching again.
You're so good at it. How's it going?
Well, that depends.
Did a girl come in about this tall,
cool clothes, sarcastic,
but in a frustratingly likable
sort of way?
Yeah, she needed a completion spell
to fill out a bunch of forms
an evil troll gave her.
That was Billie trying to
get out of doing her homework.
Well, if that was Billie,
that makes you the evil troll.
[laughs]
What are you laughing at?
She tricked you
into doing her homework for her.
She's good.
- That girl's good.
- Yeah.
I will admit the view is nice.
But I do feel bad about flying
through that flock of geese.
As a rule, I don't like to disrupt
the migratory patterns of waterfowl.
That's your rule?
To be fair, it hasn't been
a problem until now.
I can see why you wanted
to do this so badly.
You know, WizTech does
a big parade every year.
I was supposed to ride on my class float,
but I got kicked out.
But I'm doing it now,
and it's everything I thought it would be.
Dang it! I missed again!
You gave Milo water balloons?
They're terrible for the environment!
Relax, they're not water balloons.
They're giant's tears.
They're salty but harmless.
Well, unless you're a freshwater mermaid.
What are you trying to hit?
Dad's car.
Grand Marshal Jeffries, at 108 years old,
I bet nothing surprises you anymore.
Are you kidding me!
Oh, man! I missed again!
Uh, guys, I'm glad you're both having fun,
but can we circle back
to what's important?
Beating Potter Middle.
Roman, relax.
You've got the only float that floats.
You're totally gonna win.
Yeah, but I'm not gonna win anything
if I don't get this float on the ground.
Can we land, please?
Land?
You do know how to land, right?
I mean, there definitely is a way to.
There has to be, right?
You're asking me?
Uh No, I'm sure there is one.
I just don't know it.
But I do know who to call for help.
Or should I say "Spellp"?
No, you should say "Help,"
'cause help is what we need.
How am I supposed to teach Billie
if she insists on taking shortcuts?
- Maybe you
- And she has the nerve to say
that my teaching methods are boring!
- I mean, if I
- Everyone knows
that reading a spell book
is the best way to learn.
Maybe Billie isn't teachable!
Maybe she can't get a word
- in edge
- That can't be it!
Wise. "Edgewise" is the word
I was trying to get in.
Edgewise.
Justin, sometimes
it's not just the student.
So, you think this is my fault?
You think Alex was wrong
to bring Billie here?
No, I'm just saying maybe
your methods aren't working.
[scoffs] Great.
Billie's the one slacking off,
and I'm the bad teacher. Wow, Dad!
I expected you of all people
to back me up on this.
Justin, wait!
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
[line ringing]
[groans] No one's answering!
So, no landing spell?
What do we do now?
Hey, isn't that the airport?
Boy, if you could land,
that would be the place to do it.
We can't fly over the airport.
That's restricted airspace!
Roman, relax. It's not like
we're in immediate danger.
Uh, guys, that's a fighter jet.
Okay, now we're in immediate danger.
[tense musical sting]
[dramatic music plays, fades]
Um, maybe he can help us land.
That's an F-22 Raptor.
If he helps us land,
it's gonna be in 100 pieces.
I have an idea.
This is spells A to Z.
There's got to be
a landing spell in here.
Great. Flip to L and find it.
Well, here's the funny part.
You can't turn a page
unless you actually read it.
Why is that funny?
Okay, it's not,
but you know what is funny?
I'd know the spell
if I'd done my homework.
Why is that funny?
Uh, it's not funny right now,
but it'll be hilarious if we survive.
If we survive?
Billie, you find the spell.
I'll toss some giant's tears
to distract the jet.
Roman, you panic
and point out our mistakes!
This is a terrible plan!
Way to commit, Roman.
All right, fly boy.
Time to find out
if those windshield wipers work.
[dramatic music plays, fades]
Justin! Ah, the lair looks good!
Feels smaller.
- What are you doing?
- Taking back these gold stars!
All right, it won't come off. Ah!
I'm gonna draw a frowny face on it.
That will teach her,
'cause apparently, I can't.
Hey, I didn't say that.
You're a great teacher.
Then what am I doing wrong, Dad?
Every student learns differently.
You were easy. But with Alex,
she had to learn by doing.
Yeah, sure, she messed up,
but she never made
the same mistake twice.
- Dad.
- Six times.
- Dad!
- Ten tops.
But with Alex,
mistakes were lessons.
Maybe it's the same with Billie.
Oh, it's definitely the same with Billie.
[sighs] Maybe making her read
a boring old spell book
wasn't the best way to teach her.
Look at you learning
- from your mistakes. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
Maybe you're more like Alex
than you thought.
You take that back!
Look, you're gonna ease up
on Billie a little bit.
What's the worst that could happen?
Guys, it is much harder
to hit a fighter jet
with water balls than I thought!
Billie, we need the landing spell.
Please tell me you're almost to the Ls.
I'm not even close.
This spell from the Ds
will have to do. Okay.
"What once was free to fly so bold,
now let gravity again take hold."
- What was that?
- It's a dropping spell.
Did it work?
[tense music playing]
[all scream]
I think it worked!
We're gonna crash if we don't slow down!
I can't believe
I'm actually using this baby spell!
"As we go, slow, slow, slow!"
[music fades]
I did it! I saved us!
- [float creaking]
- [Billie screams]
[clattering]
[scoffs] Guys, you are
never gonna believe this.
The landing spell
is just "Land, land, land."
Maybe that's the funny part!
None of this is funny.
But it was kind of fun. [chuckles]
On the bright side, we survived!
We didn't all survive.
I'm sorry your float got ruined, Roman.
To be fair, I blame the language barrier.
We speak the same language!
Eh, do we, though?
Look, it's not your fault.
If I hadn't been so obsessed
with beating Potter,
my committee wouldn't have quit.
I guess I was being
a bit of a jerkbag.
You could apologize to them.
Maybe they'd still help you rebuild it.
Apologize?
Can't we just bust out
that completion spell again?
- [both] Roman.
- Okay, fine, I'll apologize.
Billie, you coming?
Nah, I have some quizzes to take.
I didn't read all those pages for nothing.
Oh! Hey, Justin!
[gasps] And a stranger
I've never seen before
and who has definitely never seen me.
I know you called the Spellp-Line, Billie.
- This is my dad.
- Oh, man!
I should have really paid more attention
to those family photos.
Good to see you again, Billie.
I'm sorry I tricked you
into doing my homework.
You'd be surprised how often that happens.
And, Justin, about my homework.
You were right!
If I'm gonna be a great wizard,
I need to take my homework seriously.
And I'm sorry I didn't.
So, I wanna take those quizzes
for real this time.
Really? Wow!
That is a lot of personal growth
for one afternoon.
Should I ask her what happened?
Just take the win, son.
I can't believe
your float beat Potter Middle,
and all you had was a wagon
full of badger parts.
The judges said it was avant-garde.
What does that even mean?
It's French for Who cares?
I got the trophy!
[sighs]
I'm proud of you, Billie.
You earned this gold star this time.
Gold star? What is this,
Spell-o-mentary school?
[laughs] "Spell-o-mentary"
[laughs] I like her.
- Grandpa!
- Grandpa!
Hey, guys! Oh!
What are you doing here?
He came to give us a little spellp.
Oh! There is Oh, Spellp-Line!
I've been gone for hours! Uh
Do you think they'd fire you
if you're just a volunteer?
Somebody open that mirror.
I gotta go!
[grunts, exhales] Justin
I'm gonna take you up
on that spell to do my hair.
When I was doing my interview
at the parade,
some jabroni dropped
a bunch of water on me.
I'm gonna go wash the car.
- I'm gonna mow the lawn!
- I'm gonna start on my homework!
Do I wanna know
why they're being so good?
A wise man once told me, "Take the win."