Wizards Beyond Waverly Place (2024) s01e09 Episode Script

1
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
Let's try the puppeting spell
one more time, all right?
- You got this!
- Really?
'Cause the last ten times
say otherwise.
Billie, I believe in you so much
that I'm going
to let you practice
on one of my most beloved things.
Roman? Milo?
Oh, your robot vacuum.
No, my childhood best friend,
Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms.
- [squeaks]
- [kisses]
Now, make Fuzzy B
stand up and wave.
Motionless object,
please adhere.
Let me be your puppeteer.
[whistling]
[yelling] Fuzzy B!
[exhales] On the bright side,
at least it wasn't Milo.
I'm totally gonna fail
my wizterms.
[sighs] Look,
the Wizard Ministry of Education
isn't coming until next week.
Just a little test anxiety, okay?
No big deal.
Tell that to Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms.
I used to get nervous
when I took tests too,
which is why I made up
this cool little rhyme
to help me. [clears throat]
"Breathe and think through it,
and you'll abra-ca-do-it."
When you say it's cool,
it's never cool.
Well, okay. Let's try it again.
Bearo repairo!
- [whooshing]
- [squeaks]
Just remember, breathe.
[sighs]
Motionless object
- [phone ringing]
- Oh, sorry. Sorry.
I I thought it was on silent.
[chuckles]
Yeah, it's just Alex. Wait.
It's before noon on a Saturday.
I know vampires that wake up
earlier than her.
I should get this.
Oh, relax.
I'm not gonna try it again.
I'm on a break.
[groans] I hate tests.
Uh, I love tests.
The studying, the flash cards.
I wish I was taking one
right now.
Wait, maybe you can
take my wizterm for me.
Well, I'd be an awesome wizard.
I'd just grab my wand
and go bibbidi-bobbidi-boo-yah!
A-plus.
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo-yah?
You're even terrible
at pretending to be a wizard.
It's probably better
that magical powers
can skip a generation
because I don't think
our fragile relationship
could withstand
a wizard rivalry.
Oh, Roman,
we would not be rivals.
I would just be better than you.
Easy for you to say.
You'll never have to prove it.
Well, I mean, I could
if I had a power glass.
What's a power glass?
It's a magical object
that lets a wizard give
their powers
to anyone for one hour.
There might even be one
in the lair.
What are we waiting for?
To the lair!
Okay,
first rule of being a wizard,
we do not say, "To the lair."
- Right.
- To the lair!
What? It's cool when I say it.
[theme song playing]
Everything
is not what it seems ♪
When you can have
what you want ♪
By the simplest of means ♪
Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪
Because everything
is not what it seems ♪
You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪
Because everything
is not what it seems ♪
Yes, please ♪
What it seems ♪
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
This is the lair.
Whoa!
An ancient sarcophagus?
A crystal ball?
[gasping]
Books!
No way.
Elvish to English Dictionary.
Eh. Don't get too excited.
Doesn't have any swear words.
I checked.
Now,
let's find that power glass.
Witch's cloak.
Witch's shoe.
Witch's finger.
[exclaims]
Wish I hadn't touched that.
Man, this lair has everything.
Hopefully not the rest
of that witch.
That finger was gross.
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
Well, Alex, if you're
not supposed to tell me,
maybe you shouldn't tell me.
Well, now you have to tell me.
I know the Ministry's coming
to test Billie,
but that's not till next week.
Oh, they're coming today?
Wha Why would they surprise me
like that?
It's like they're worried that
I'm not teaching her properly.
Oh, they are worried?
Well W
Well, now I'm worried.
I know you're not worried.
You don't worry about anything.
You worry about nothing.
But that's my job
to worry, worry, worry.
Why are you even calling me?
Hey, sweetie.
You ready for breakfast?
Dad and I have the pickleball match
of our lives today,
so I'm going to need
a dozen hard-boiled eggs,
five chicken breasts,
and some black coffee.
It's an elementary school
tournament.
You're getting cereal
and an orange.
Well, can you at least sprinkle
a little protein powder on it?
I got 15 minutes to get swole,
so I can take Bella Bianchi down.
[chuckles]
Okay, I know the Bianchis
can be a bit much,
but be nice,
Bella's our neighbor.
She's a monster.
You said it yourself last week.
"She grew out her fangs
and she's horrible."
[chuckles]
No, I said
she grew out her bangs
and she's adorable.
What is your problem with her?
She said her mom was the best
pickleball player on the block.
Then I said, "No, my dad is."
Then she said, "Prove it."
- Then I said that she
- Yeah, honey,
I'm from Staten Island.
I get how trash talk works.
Hey, guys, have you seen Billie?
Dad, what's going on?
Why aren't you dressed for pickleball?
Oh, no, the tournament!
I totally forgot.
I'm so sorry, buddy.
Someone from
the Ministry of Education is coming,
and I have to pick her up at the airport.
She's already at the gate!
Wait, a wizard
is flying on an airplane?
Have you ever flown in
from Newark on a magic carpet?
It's like rug burn city.
Gotta go.
I'm never gonna beat Bella now.
Well,
maybe I could be your partner.
You know, we could have
a little Mommy and Milo time.
Do you even know
how to play pickleball?
You can explain the rules to me
on the way.
I'll change
into my workout clothes
when we get there. Glad I always
keep my Pilates bag in the car.
- You don't do Pilates.
- That's why it's always in the car.
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
[Billie gasps]
Roman, I found the power glass.
Is that the instruction manual?
Dibs on reading it.
According to this,
we both hold the power glass,
we flip it, and I'll be a wizard
until the sand runs out.
You mean
you'll try to be a wizard.
Let's just do this.
Unless you're chickening out?
No, I'm not chickening out.
Who am I, you?
[mystical instrumental music playing]
So, am I a wizard now?
Well, I hope so,
'cause currently I'm not.
[music concludes]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Never point a wand at your face.
You can lose an eyebrow.
Don't ask how I know that.
Okay, now relax.
Don't grip the wand too tight
and repeat after me,
"Sparks-so-brightus,
now take flightus."
Sparks-so-brightus,
now take flightus.
[crackling]
[gasps, chuckles]
I did it! I'm a wizard! [chuckles]
[gasps] Ooh,
what should my wizard name be?
How about just like
off the top of my head?
Quintarius Rathbone de Forte.
Hmm. Right off the top
of your head, huh?
Come on,
teach me something else.
All right, Quintarius.
Let's see how you do with an
enlarging spell.
Aim your wand at that pillow and say,
- "Short and small be big and tall."
- Short and small be big and tall.
[fart noise]
Well, if we were
being chased by a killer pillow,
I'd know who to call.
[energetic rock music playing]
[music concludes]
So, where's this pickleball field?
I want to try out
this cute little racket.
It's a court, we're on it,
and stop calling our equipment cute.
Well, can I call you cute?
'Cause you are.
Mama loves you.
Hello, Bella.
Milo.
Enough chit chat.
I need to talk to you about our bet.
Oh, you mean the one
where after my mom and I
beat you in pickleball,
you have to do my math homework
for a month?
You know that's the bet
I'm talking about.
I need to call it off.
Um Forget it.
Come on, please.
My dad's busy and now
my mom's my partner and she's
good at a lot of other things.
Sorry, Tater Tot,
- a bet's a bet.
- But I'm gonna lose.
Look at you
putting two and two together.
You're gonna do great
at my math homework.
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
Short and small be big and tall.
Why am I not great at this?
[chuckles]
I'm never bad
at learning things.
[shrill] Did I suddenly get bad
at learning things?
Well, try it again.
Maybe the 33rd time's the charm.
Short and small,
be big and tall!
Be right back.
Wow,
we're already halfway through.
Time flies
when you're humiliating Roman.
[chuckles]
What's this? "Warning,
"transferring powers to mortals
is strictly forbidden"?
"Violators will be punished
to the fullest extent
of wizard law"?
Why would they put that
at the bottom?
[doorbell ringing]
Hello!
I am Minister Bigelow McFigglehorn.
And Quintarius was a crazy name?
Professor Russo didn't pick me up
from the airport,
but neither do my friends or family,
so let's just say I know
my way around a cab stand.
[laughs forcefully]
Is there something
I can help you with?
I certainly hope so.
I'm from the Wizard Ministry
of Education.
[gasps] She's not supposed
to be here till next week.
I'm here
to administer a pop quiz
to a wizard named Billie.
I assume that's you?
Oh, I
Before we answer that question,
- is there a photo on that clipboard?
- No.
Oh, then yep, that's Billie,
Billie the wizard.
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
Billie, the Ministry
of Education has sent me
to administer
your wizterm early.
That's right.
It's a pop wiz.
A pop wizterm.
[laughs forcefully]
Oh, this is bad.
Oh, there's nothing
to be afraid of,
except failing.
Failing is always bad.
[laughs forcefully]
[both giggling nervously]
Billie, could I speak to you
in the kitchen real quick?
I I'd love it if you would.
Why did you tell her I was you?
There was a warning
on the power glass.
Giving you my powers is illegal.
If McFigglehorn finds out,
I could be locked up in
the island prison of Wizcatraz.
Wizcatraz?
Do you guys just take our words
and add "wiz" to them?
No time to wizplain!
You have my powers.
She thinks you're me.
You have to
pass this test for me.
I You want me to take a test
on a subject I know nothing about?
This is a nightmare.
I have literally had this nightmare!
It's gonna be fine.
I'll hide nearby
in case you need help.
This is gonna be a wiztastrophe.
Stop making up words, Roman.
We have a test to take.
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
Giada, I didn't know
you were going to be here.
Oh, Anita! Yeah, you know,
something came up for Justin,
so Milo brought in a ringer.
And that outfit is fantastic.
I mean, I'm not brave enough
to wear something that colorful,
but you go for it.
Thanks.
See, if you choose
to hear it nice, it's nice.
Here's some math for you.
You plus pickleball equals
[blows a raspberry]
I'm choosing to hear that nice.
I don't know why you would.
That's not how I meant it.
[whistles]
- [whistle blows]
- Whoa!
Was that good? Did I do good?
That doesn't count,
I wasn't ready!
[whistle blows]
Mom, you're amazing!
And you're surprised?
I mean, yeah, I think my tone
pretty much implied it.
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
All right, let's get this going.
My patience is short,
but this quiz isn't!
[laughs forcefully]
Okay, what do you say we start
with a spark spell?
Spark spell!
That's the one Billie
taught me Ha I I mean,
I, Billie, taught myself
this very morning.
Um
Spark [chuckles nervously]
Um
Spark. I know there's a spark
in there somewhere!
You said you knew the spark spell.
I'm just Okay, I'm
I'm just distracted because
I've realized that
I never offered you a chance
to freshen up after your flight.
How rude of me.
- Bathroom's over here.
- [laughs forcefully]
Is this a pop quiz
on being a gentleman?
Because you just passed.
- [laughs forcefully]
- [laughs nervously]
- What's going on with you?
- I don't know.
I've never been like this
during a test before.
I'm spinning out.
Roman, listen.
Just breathe
and think through it,
and you'll abra-ca-do-it.
W What does that mean?
I think it means
just take a deep breath
and trust yourself.
Oh, and don't even think
about the fact
that if you mess up,
I go to the island prison
of Wizcatraz.
- No pressure.
- [Bigelow McFigglehorn] Ooh!
Sorry that took so long.
I used
some of your fancy lotion,
but then
I couldn't open the door.
I started screaming,
but apparently no one heard me.
[laughs forcefully]
Now, what do you say
we see some sparks?
Breathe and think through it.
[sniffles]
Sparks-so-brightus,
now take flightus!
[crackling]
I did it!
It's like I'm a real wizard!
Aren't you a real wizard?
- Eh
- [Justin] I'm home!
- Who's that?
- Stall!
It's just my dad Teacher.
My my dad teacher. He's
We're so close,
he's like my dad,
but he's my teacher.
[sighs] I can't believe I missed
McFigglehorn at the airport.
[sighs]
What'd you do?
Well, the lady from the Ministry
of Education showed up
and now Roman
is taking my wizterm for me.
McFigglehorn's here
and Roman is taking your test?
How is that possible?
He doesn't have any powers!
Well, he kind of does
because we snuck into the lair
and used the power glass.
Oh! [gasps]
You [speaks gibberish] Huh?
You snuck into the lair,
yeah, used the power glass?
You realize
that is a major crime?
Which is why we need to make sure
he passes that test.
Or I might be going
to the island prison
of Wizcatraz.
Or he might. Or we all might.
I mean, it was your power glass.
[gasps]
[energetic rock music playing]
[music concludes]
Mom, you're a beast!
Thank you! And I know
you mean it as a compliment,
but let's pick a different word
next time.
Milo,
because I'm such a nice person
and I feel bad
that you have to go through life
being so annoying,
I'm gonna let you
call off the bet.
No way! We're winning!
And just remember
when you're doing
my math homework
for the next month,
Milo is spelled with two Ls.
Homework bet?
What is Milo up to?
And how long has he
been spelling his name wrong?
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
Minister McFigglehorn!
[chuckles]
Oh.
Professor Russo,
so great to see you.
Sorry I missed you
at the airport.
If only I had known ahead
of time that you were coming.
Wouldn't be much of a pop quiz
if you knew.
It takes all the pop out of it!
- [laughs forcefully]
- [laughs nervously]
[both giggling nervously]
Perhaps I can show you something
that's not in this room.
Li Like the Like the syllabus
that I've been teaching from.
To the lair!
[chuckles nervously]
It's cooler when Billie says it.
No!
No lair. No stories.
I wanna know what's going on.
And may I remind you,
lying to a ministry official
will earn you a one-way ticket
to the island prison
of Wizcatraz.
Guys, you can just say Wizcatraz.
We all know
it's an island at this point.
Listen, this is all my fault.
No, Justin [sighs]
I'm not letting you
get in trouble for me.
It's my fault.
I couldn't take the test
because I gave my powers
to Roman.
Oh! [chuckling] Ooh!
This is fantastic.
I thought he was Billie,
but you're Billie,
and you're completely powerless.
This is gonna be
so much easier
[darkly] than I thought.
Easier than you thought?
Ooh! Sorry I'm late.
That Ghoulhound bus
was a nightmare.
Who are you?
I'm Bigelow McFigglehorn.
Then who are you?
I am Morphia Murkshadow.
And you, real Billie,
are coming with me!
[crackling]
- Did anyone see this coming?
- No.
- Nope.
- I just got here.
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
I was sent to capture
a wizard named Billie.
And now,
I finally found her!
- You can't do this!
- Let us go!
Eh, I don't think so.
I can't believe I was gonna
pick you up from the airport.
A little ruse
to get you out of the house,
so I could get to Billie.
[chuckles]
But I couldn't just
walk in and grab
a powerful wizard
without knowing
what they were capable of.
That makes sense, I think.
I have no idea what's going on.
But I should've known
you weren't Billie.
You don't exactly scream
"powerful wizard."
- Hey!
- Eh, she's evil,
but she's not wrong.
I'm not gonna let you take her.
I demand you untie us at on
Now where were we? Oh, right.
I was taking you to your doom.
There's someone
who really wants to meet you.
[both grunting]
Quick, Roman,
do the spell that I taught you!
Uh, short and small,
be big and tall!
[tense instrumental music plays, fades]
[Roman] I did it!
I did the enlarging spell!
You sure did, buddy, but I meant
hit her with some sparks!
Oh, right. Uh Um
Sparks-so-brightus,
now take flightus!
[tense instrumental music plays, fades]
What? What happened?
Did I do it wrong?
I think the power glass ran out!
But to be clear,
I didn't do the spell wrong?
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
Mom!
Save the yapping for book club.
Let's finish this.
[whistling]
What was that?
Oops.
Mom!
Sorry,
I just couldn't get to it.
What's happening?
It's like you both
suddenly forgot how to play.
Yeah! That must be it.
I mean, the only
other explanation is that
I overheard you and Bella
talking about your bet,
and Anita and I decided
to teach you both a lesson.
But Mom, if you don't play,
I won't win,
and if I don't win, I won't win!
Too bad.
Anita and I aren't helping
either of you win.
Come on, Anita.
[whistle blows]
[both] We won!
Anita, what happened?
I thought we were teaching
the kids a lesson.
I was teaching a lesson.
A little lesson
called Bianchis Rule.
I I can't believe
you hustled us.
I hope you're better at math
than you are at pickleball.
[scoffs] Joke's on you. I'm not.
[energetic rock music plays, fades]
[Justin grunts]
I'm not going anywhere with you.
Who's going to stop me?
There's no one left to help you.
[muffled] Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms!
What?
It sounded like you said
Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms,
but that can't be it.
It can be it!
- [grunts]
- [squeals]
Roman, my wand!
Okay, Billie,
let's abra-ca-do this.
[exhales]
Motionless object,
please adhere.
Let me be your puppeteer.
[squeaks]
[gasps] What are you gonna do?
Snuggle me to death?
- [Billie grunts]
- [Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms squeaks]
That's how we snuggle
in Staten Island.
[tense instrumental music playing]
Come on, Fuzzy Bottoms!
You got this!
[Mr. Fuzzy Bottoms squeaking]
- [squeaking]
- [exclaims]
You'll never beat me, Billie!
This isn't over!
Eh. I think it is.
[yelps]
And that's how you do the puppeting spell.
[Justin] Ha-ha!
Looks like my rhyme
was pretty cool after all, huh?
Yeah, it was cool when I said it.
Morphia Murkshadow,
you are guilty
of attempted wiz-napping
unsanctioned magic,
and identity theft.
Uh
Guess you're gonna take me too,
for the whole, giving my powers
to a mortal thing.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
I saw a powerful young wizard
demonstrate her magic
by apprehending
a dangerous shapeshifter.
Aw, "dangerous"?
Thank you.
Keep up the good work,
Professor Russo.
[sighs, chuckles]
Hey, Billie,
I'm so proud of you.
[chuckles softly] Thanks.
When I was teaching Roman,
I finally got what you were
trying to tell me this morning.
I don't need to freak out
so much about my tests.
I just needed to trust myself.
I guess being a wizard
wasn't as easy as I thought.
Actually, for your first time
trying magic,
you did pretty great.
Really? So can I do it again?
Should I go get the power glass?
- Not a chance.
- No way.
Okay.
[energetic rock music playing]
[music concludes]
You know, honestly,
the caution tape
makes me want to touch it more.
Billie.
I'm kidding.
No, I just don't get it.
Phantomus, Morphia Murkshadow,
why are all these people
coming after me?
[sentimental instrumental music playing]
You're a powerful wizard.
Some people see that
as a threat.
But I promise,
I'm not gonna let
anything happen to you.
- I know you won't.
- [Justin chuckles softly]
[music fades]
[sighs heavily]
[ominous instrumental music playing]
Alex.
Someone else came after Billie.
She's fine,
but we have to figure out
who's sending these people
before it's too late.
- [thunder crashing]
- [Ominous music swells]
[metal rattling]
It's you.
How did you get in here?
She's just as powerful
as the prophecy foretold.
With his training,
she'll be unstoppable.
[darkly dramatic
instrumental music playing]
No, please.
I swear
I did everything I could.
[whimpering]
[yelling] No!
[music concludes]