Wonderfalls s01e13 Episode Script
Caged bird
- Previously on Wonderfalls.
- I'm confused.
- That's perfectly normal.
- Perfectly normal.
This boy is ready for your jelly.
I can't be in a relationship right now.
I have issues.
We should absolutely have a date.
Jaye, this is Heidi, my wife.
Eric, please, marry me again.
- Fine.
- Really? - There's an all-night chapel.
Spring Street, isn't it? - [ Woman Singing .]
Rainbow Boulevard.
- [ Continues .]
- Thanks.
[ Chattering .]
[ Alec .]
Leather-bound goods of this quality-- you might try Talismania across the quad.
[ Chattering Continues .]
- [ Bell Dings .]
- This one has fiber optics.
Go for the sunglasses.
Abort the birdcage and go for the glasses.
You could fit, like, a dozen in each sleeve.
[ Chuckling .]
Hypothetically.
The idea is, we don't want them to steal.
You don't understand.
This is as fun as it gets these days.
- I can't even go out for a drink anymore.
- How long you been sober? I'm not sober.
I'm in love with a bartender and he just remarried his wife, so that makes things awkward.
He's eyeing the Slinky.
You know, he has to steal, like, four of those for me to even get a dollar.
Is this one of those stores that gives its employees a cash bonus when they apprehend a shoplifter? Ten percent of whatever they were gonna steal.
One time, I accidentally left the watch case open and I got, like, 500 bucks.
- Slinky in the pants, Aisle Three.
- Roger that.
No, wait! Wait! We should wait! He might steal more and be more guilty.
Why? Is the watch case unlocked? Fine! We can catch him now.
[ Chirping .]
Let him go.
What are you doing? You're supposed to escort him to the manager's office so we don't disturb the customers shopping legally.
- Yeah, I know, but-- - Let him go.
! [ Sighs .]
We should let him go.
No, we're not doing that.
You have a sticker in the window that says you prosecute shoplifters to the full extent of the law and that's exactly what we're gonna to do.
Dude, it's a Slinky.
A Slinky.
And it's in his underwear.
How weird is that gonna be? Just do what you will.
Hi.
Wow.
Hi.
I-- I didn't expect to see you here.
Buying souvenirs? Isn't that what people do when they wanna remember a place they're not? I'm leaving today.
Heidi found us an apartment in NewJersey.
But this was all sort of inevitable, right? Me going back toJersey? I mean, it is what it is, right? Well, what if-- What if I told you I-- Let him go! I hope you didn't pay for that with a credit card.
I really don't want her knowing where we live.
[ Eric .]
I haven't paid for anything yet.
Sorry to be such a bitch about this, but you are unstable.
- [ Scoffs .]
- [ Eric .]
Look, could you, uh-- Could you pay for these? I'll just be a second, okay? You said, ''What if I told you.
'' - What if you told me what? - [ Bird .]
Tell him you're happy.
What if I told you I'm happy? Happy for you and happy for her? Right.
I guess I'd have to say good-bye.
Let him go! Then I'm happy.
I'm happy for you, and I'm happy for Heidi.
It was really nice meeting you.
Yeah.
Same here.
[ Door Closes .]
I hope you weren't plannin' on goin'to college.
Admission boards tend to frown on shoplifters.
George W.
Bush doesn't like them either so you can forget about workin' in a government or police agency.
Is that why you're not a real cop? You got caught shoplifting? I'm cop enough to detain a criminal in possession of unpurchased merchandise.
You pickin' up what I'm puttin' down? Hand over the Slinky in your pants or I'm authorized to go in after it.
I think I'll let the lady go in after it.
Ow! You have choices, life choices.
This was a bad life choice.
That's why you're in an unpleasant situation.
Unpleasant situations can be avoided by making good life choices.
I have to disagree.
I make good life choices.
Mostly because they're forced on me, but I make them.
And I find myself in unpleasant situations all the time.
You know why? Because even if you have a choice it can and will be taken away from you.
We're all fate's bitch.
You might as well go ahead and bend over for destiny now.
I think that's the wrong message to be sending.
Well, is there an unmarked envelope or maybe a marked one that has my name on it? They promised it'd be here.
There's nothing here.
Nothing for you.
Nothing at all.
You don't seem mad, but mad words are coming out of your mouth.
What kind of words do you expect? You're acting like you can't wait to get outta here.
- We can't.
- I didn't think this was how I was gonna leave.
- Really? How did you think you were gonna leave? - I don't know.
Not like this.
Maybe he left my check at the hostess stand.
Psst! I didn't know how I was gonna get out of talkin' to her.
Did you really want something? -Just this.
- Not in public.
[ Kiss .]
Fine.
So I have to buy anniversary presents for my parents.
Mom told me what Sharon's getting Dad so I've gotta get him the more expensive one.
Hey, do me a favor.
Come with me to the dinner.
Your parents' anniversary dinner? I need you to take a picture of Sharon when Dad opens my present first.
I'd do it myself, but that seems petty.
But that's not the only reason.
Uh, b-because I-- I just want you to be my date in, uh, whatever, uh, capacity you're comfortable with.
Nobody's gonna be comfortable with me being your date in any capacity.
What are you talking about? My parents love you.
You've had a stocking on our fireplace every Christmas since I was 1 0.
You don't understand how your mother feels about the women you date.
- She loathes them.
- But she doesn't loathe you.
She will.
She'll see this as a betrayal.
I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing.
I've infiltrated her flock, and now I'm about to eat her delicious baby lamb.
- Answer's no.
- But you just said I'm delicious.
How could you say no to delicious? - Go shopping.
- Aaah.
Hello, Officers.
Our little friend here was, uh committing a 1 7 0 at the Wonderfalls Gift Emporium.
The stolen item was recovered and returned to the merchant.
I'll be processing the paperwork this afternoon.
Is there anything you would like me to add to the report before I release the perp into your custody? - What'd you steal, kid? - A Slinky.
- You sorry? - Yeah.
Don't do it again.
Now get outta here.
What-- What-- That was a little on the careless side.
What kind of lesson are you teaching young Jeremy? Certainly not to take responsibility for his own actions.
- Who are you? - WadeJones.
Hi.
I enforce security here in the quad.
How long have you guys been walking this beat? [ Woman On Radio .]
All units, we've got a 540 at 1 601 North Whirlpool.
- Ooh.
That's just around the corner.
Can I come? - No.
I know what a 540 is.
Give him heart.
''Give him heart''? What about me? Who's gonna give me heart? Who's gonna strengthen my resolve? Because my resolve is definitely losing structural integrity.
Okay, quick.
The antique mall closes in 20 minutes.
One or two? One or two? Mom and Dad's anniversary present.
One or two? - Two.
- Okay, two or three? Two or three? I take it we're getting them a clock? It's tradition.
Thirty-first anniversary is a timepiece.
I'm giving Dad a pocket watch just from myself, but this'll be from both of us.
Two or three? [ Weakly .]
Two.
Do you wanna give Dad the pocket watch? - No.
-Jaye? Excuse me.
- [ Sharon .]
What's the matter? - Nothing.
I said number two.
Just go buy your number two and be done with it.
- Can I go through here? - Boat tours are off-season.
- Where can I-- - She said they are off-season.
What is wrong? I let him go.
I had to let him go, but I didn't wanna let him go.
I wanted to keep this one.
- Oh.
- Why can't I have nice things? Your little friend who likes the zoo? I know there's that whole clause about letting somebody go and what it means if they come back and blah, blah, blah.
But I already told him not to come back, fairly definitively.
But what I really wanted to tell him was not to go.
- [ Crying .]
-Jaye.
You are in love.
- Don't make fun of me.
- Do you love him? - Yes.
- Is he gone? - He's going.
- Is he gone? Is he? 540 at Bank of Niagara.
That's an armed robbery.
The perp got away on foot.
May still be in the area.
They'll probably do a door-to-door.
Word is he's packin' a nine-millimeter.
He's not doin' the mess around, that one.
- Can I hold your gun? - Stop asking me that.
[ Whispering .]
I got a gun to your back.
Close the store or I'll shoot you.
Call him now! [ Dialing .]
[ Ringing .]
- Barrel.
- Hi.
Jaye.
Hi.
Hi.
Okay, um you know how I said I was happy? Happy for you and happy for Heidi? Well, I lied.
I'm not happy.
I'm not happy at all.
I mean, I'd be happy for you if you were happy but I don't think you're happy.
Are you happy? You're sounding a little retarded.
What are you trying to say? Well, I'm saying we never said good-bye, technically.
I mean, I said, ''Nice meeting you,'' and you said, ''Same here'' which in no way suggests closure of any kind.
So I propose you meet me in my trailer in 20 minutes.
- For closure.
- Or whatever.
See you in 20.
- Is he gonna meet you? - He just has to ditch his wife.
His wife? Shouldn't you call the antique mall and tell them to hold our clock? Oh, good Lord! Attention customers.
The store is now closed.
Attention customers.
The store is now closed.
Please bring your final purchases to the reg-- The register is broken.
Leave your final purchases where you found them.
We're closing.
Now.
- We're closing? - The register's broken.
That's good, cause I got a call from a neighbor and my trailer's on fire, so I'm gonna go tend to that.
Don't lock it.
I'm on my way out.
- Give him heart.
- [ Bell Dinging .]
No.
And you can't make me.
- Get on the floor.
- Oh, God! - Who else is in here? - [ Sharon Grunting .]
Give him heart.
Okay, so maybe you can make me.
Keep your noses on the floor.
Nobody panic.
[ Whispering .]
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid-- - Give him heart.
- Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Uh, no.
There, there.
Cheer up.
It's not your fault.
What do you mean? Of course it's his fault.
- He's security.
How secure do you feel? - Shh! - [ Gun Cocks .]
- Oh, please, don't kill me! I can't die.
I've never been with a woman.
- You-- - I have been with a woman! Keys.
All I need are the keys to those back gates, and then I'm just a rumor.
- Why would I have the keys? - Because you're the manager.
Oh, no, I don't work here.
[ Chuckling .]
I'm the manager.
Assistant manager.
I have very little actual authority.
- Those aren't our gates.
- There are no keys.
They take a code.
I haven't been cleared for that.
I had to come to the one place that's all windows and doesn't have a back exit.
Oh, look, a ladybug backpack.
You're that bank robber! My God.
! Are you the profiler? Get outta my head! Yeah, I'm that bank robber! So, armed robbery.
A felony.
But still, there are felonies, and then there are felonies, right? As an attorney at law, may I give you some professional advice? There are all kinds of reasons why a jury might sympathize with robbery.
But hostage taking-- that might turn out to be ugly.
Cell phones, pagers, your popgun that walkie-- all in the hat.
Let's go.
- Come on.
Give it up.
- Mm-mmm.
I got nothing.
[ Grunting .]
What's this? A stun gun? Oh, I forgot I had that.
- [ Arcing .]
- [ Screams .]
You didn't forget to charge it, did you? It's scarier than that popgun.
It may shoot rubber pellets, but it's a fully licensed crowd-dispersal firearm.
So's this, except for the licensed part.
Give him heart.
[ Whispering .]
If I do, will you get me outta here by 5:00? - Mahandra? - Hmm? Can you be nice to Heidi for a half hour? There's something I gotta deal with.
A half hour? Got to or need to? Want to.
It doesn't sound as urgent as ''got to'' or ''need to.
'' Want to, got to, need to.
Okay? Hmm.
Is this the kind of want to, got to, need to that starts with a ''J''? Oh, dear, it looks lovely.
Is all this really necessary? Darrin, it's our wedding anniversary.
I don't see why we have to make such a fuss.
You know,just once I would love to celebrate-- just the two of us.
No kids, no cakes, no clothes.
[ Growls .]
We can't disappoint the children.
Disappoint Sharon, you mean.
You know how much this means to her.
If she got married herself, she could be putting all this energy into her own anniversary.
She'd have to meet someone first.
And not just Sharon, but Aaron and Jaye too.
All of them.
They're attractive and yet unattached.
Maybe we damaged them somehow.
We didn't damage all of them.
Aaron said something about bringing a lady friend this evening.
- Been seeing her for some time.
- Really? Aaron.
Your father says we should be expecting a guest.
She's not coming.
Should we feel guilty about this? [ Robber .]
Just think clearly.
Just do it.
Just think, think, think.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
So,Jones, tell me about yourself.
- What? -Just give me the thumbnail.
Hopes, dreams, ambitions.
Any problems I should know about? Are you flirting with him? Is this some sort of stress response? [ Woman On Radio .]
Unit 47, 20 1 at 3rd and Western.
Can you talk to the cops on this thing? - You wanna turn yourself in? - Yeah, I wanna turn myself in.
The lesbian lawyer convinced me.
Find out where they're searching.
N.
F.
P.
D.
, this is 1 8th and Century Quad Security.
Over.
This channel is for official police business only.
Yeah, I was just wondering how you fellas were doing on your, um, search.
Over.
- Who is this? - WadeJones, Quad Security.
[ Woman On Radio .]
The chubby guy with the popgun? [Jones .]
It's not a popgun.
It's a fully licensed crowd-dispersal firearm.
Over.
You're not official police.
Get off the radio or we will arrest you.
- Get back on the floor.
- I'm doing that now.
God, I suck.
[ Rock, Indistinct .]
Um, where is my husband? The manager is meeting him on the corner to give him his check.
- He'll be right back.
- [ Sighs .]
You know, we never really got a chance to get to know each other.
You're not proposing we do that now, are you? 'Cause we don't like each other.
Yeah, I know.
Isn't it interesting? Why do you think that is? [ Alec .]
I can't tell if the Slinky is helping or hurting.
Hey, I think I figured out what your problem is.
- You're not a cop.
- That seems to be everyone's problem at the moment.
You're not a cop, but I think maybe you wanna be.
Can't be.
I-- I got rejected by the police academy three times.
I, uh-- I couldn't pass the physical.
So it's a weight thing.
No, it's not a weight-- What do you want? This may sound a little crazy but I think you're the reason we're here.
We've already established that.
Oh, no, not that it's your fault, 'cause I really don't think it is.
You don't? Really? Really.
But maybe the reason you're here and the guys that didn't get rejected from the police academy aren't is so you can prove you have what it takes.
But I don't have what it takes.
Oh, I think you do.
- [ Phone Ringing .]
- [ Robber .]
Oh, man.
That could be opportunity calling.
Somebody expecting you? No.
No.
I'm totally free.
- Probably a wrong number.
- Get over here and answer it.
Be very careful.
- Hello? - [ Karen .]
Sharon, dear.
Claude just called and said you hadn't stopped by the shop to pick up the cake.
Oh, right.
Well, I am not gonna be able to do it.
And Jaye and I are probably not gonna be able to come to your anniversary dinner either.
- Darrin! - But you know how those things are such a chore for me anyway.
Well, then-- - All right.
All right.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, dear.
I'll call you tomorrow.
Bye-bye.
- [ Darrin .]
Washer or dryer? - Washer! Washer! [ Washing Machine Whirring .]
- Mmm.
! Spin cycle.
! - Ooh, Darrin.
! - [ Karen Laughing .]
That tickles.
! - Yes.
! Oh,yeah.
! [ Man .]
Live from Niagara Falls, it's the Channel Nine 5:00 News.
[ Dial Tone .]
All right.
Bye.
Put it back.
- I got it! I got it! - Find the news.
- [ Woman On TV.]
Everyone quarreled.
- Back on the floor.
- The script was rewritten possibly-- - Hey! I said, back on the floor! - [ Arcing .]
- [ Yelling .]
Jaye, get the gun! - Give him heart.
-Jones, get the gun! - Touch it and you're dead! -Jaye! - Give him heart.
Give him heart! - Be a cop,Jones! Be a cop! - Oh, my God.
! Are you that lazy? - [ Whimpering .]
- [ Stun Gun Arcing .]
- [ Karen Screaming .]
- Another dead lawyer.
What a shame.
- No! - Hey, look, it's you.
- [ Man On TV.]
Last seen in the area of Niagara Falls.
The suspect is responsible for shooting a security guard at the Bank of Niagara earlier today.
You shot a security guard? He didn't do as he was told.
- [ TVContinues, Indistinct .]
- [ Knocking On Door .]
Jaye? Are you in there? Oh, God.
I waited at your trailer.
Jaye? Get rid of him, or I will.
- [ Knocking .]
-Jaye? - Get rid of him.
Nose on the floor.
Jaye? - Hi.
What's up? - I'm confused.
Was I supposed to meet you here or at your trailer? It was my trailer.
Sorry about that.
I got busy, and it slipped my mind.
- Can we talk later? - Uh, actually, no, we can't.
You were right.
I'm not happy.
You're not happy.
And I was thinking maybe we're not happy about the same thing.
Oh, I'm happy.
Happy as a clam.
I was just in a funk before.
I'm moody that way.
- Thanks for stopping by though.
- So, what, is this closure? It'll have to do.
Let me in.
Where does Heidi think you are right now? - What? - Did you lie to her? What'd you tell her, Eric? That you were just bopping down to the 7-Eleven for some trail mix? - You think she'll buy that? - Why won't you let me in? So, you marry this woman, and then you lie to her and leave her in a bar.
Classy.
I don't know which one of you is more pathetic.
I see you've done this sort of thing before.
Back on the floor.
[ Woman .]
The victim, a security guard, shot during today's robbery at the Bank of Niagara died in surgery at Northern Falls General Hospital.
The alleged gunman, seen here, remains at large and should be considered extremely dangerous.
But it's just manslaughter, right? If I didn't plan it? No.
It's second-degree murder.
But he lunged at me.
He lunged at me.
! - He lunged at me! - Manslaughter it is then.
And the tiles in the men's room, they contain lead paint.
And the tiles in the men's room, they contain lead paint.
There's legislation against that, because lead paint is like the crack of paint.
Hey, I-- I like your, uh, purse.
Is he meeting her for sex, or are they running away together? I'm sorry? Don't be one of those girls.
I'm the man's wife.
His wife.
Just be decent about this and tell me why he's sneakin' off to see Crazy.
She's not c-- I don't know anything about anybody sneakin'.
Well, it sure seems like you do.
You got all pissy when your boyfriend tried to kiss you in public.
You don't exactly strike me as the frigid type if you know what I mean.
And I was really enjoying our conversation.
There may have been rumor of a rendezvous.
Should I gasp? But nobody's running away together and nobody's having sex.
I don't think they ever had sex.
- You don't trust him.
- Well, of course I don't trust him.
Have you seen the way he looks at her? - I've seen it.
- Well, then you know.
Yeah, I know.
He's a caged animal.
He's already a murderer.
If there-- If there was any chance of him giving himself up, it's gone now.
Noses on the floor! I thought we had this discussion! You meant that literally? I thought since the floor is so filthy that-- - Never mind.
- Am I a cop killer now? - [ Sharon .]
What? - Look at me! I know what happens to cop killers.
Well, yes.
I mean, technically, you only killed a security guard.
- So it's not as bad? - No.
That's good.
All right.
All right.
You-- You got any street maps here? - Go get 'em! - It's your sister's job to clean the floors.
[Jones .]
And it's myjob to contain the situation.
I'm not gonna die a coward.
What are you doing? You said before that this was happening because of me.
So I could prove I have what it takes.
Well, I was wrong.
It happened because of me.
So I could learn to do as I'm told, give up on love and die miserable and alone.
We are all gonna die.
We are all gonna die, aren't we? That'd be too easy.
If you kill your pet bird, it can't sing for you anymore.
Is that a metaphor? Who's the bird? Am I the bird? - I'm the bird.
- I'm the bird.
And they don't want me dead.
They just wanted to clip my wings a little.
So just lay down and don't do anything stupid.
- Ooh! - Get back on the floor, on your face.
- I'm tired of not doing anything.
Let me go.
- No.
Let him go.
Let him go! Let me go.
Fine! Only,you're not doing this alone.
And for all intents and purposes, you'll be the hero, if anyone asks.
- [Jones .]
So what's the plan? - The plan was sex.
Friend sex, which is generally safer and more disease-free than stranger sex.
But now he wants relationship sex and all that comes with including public displays of affection.
You should be thrilled he isn't evasive or ambiguous or tortured.
Well, it isn't about being thrilled or not.
And it isn't about what I think or what I want.
It's about what other people think I shouldn't want.
Wait.
I'm confused.
Are you listening to yourself whining to me about a guy who wants to be with you and knows he wants to be with you? Please, tell me what is so confusing about that so I can listen to you whine some more and not kill myself.
Please.
! [ Police Radio Chatter .]
[ Car Doors Closing .]
Get back on the floor! Permission to speak or whatever? Speak carefully.
I wanna help you get out of here.
Really? That is so sweet.
I'm serious.
We have funny wigs and hats.
You could wear one of those skirts from the Maid of the Mist display.
We all run out of here, pointing and yelling back at the store and in the chaos, you slip away.
- You want me to wear a dress? - Osama would do it.
Were you here before when they talked about how I killed that guy? Nobody's gonna let me slip away.
Fine.
Then how about this? We dig a little spider hole for you under this planter.
We're not familiar with each other enough for you to mock me like this.
Oh, I'm not mocking.
These things are surprisingly deep.
Are you insane? I'm sorry.
I'm scared.
We're all scared, which is why I wanna help.
You think you have to figure this out all by yourself.
You think you're all alone in this.
But there are four people here who all want the same thing you do.
We all wanna get out of here alive.
He's not breathing! - I did not touch him! - Is he breathing? - No.
- Pulse? Not that I'm aware of.
I am not responsible for his death.
I am not a double-homicide guy.
- [ Phone Ringing .]
- [ Blowing .]
Answer it! Wonderfalls Gift Emporium.
Please hold.
It's the police.
They wanna talk to you.
[ Sirens Wailing .]
Attention inside Wonderfalls.
We have the building surrounded.
Come out with your hands up.
I repeat, the building is surrounded.
- Come out with your hands up.
! - [ Officer .]
Please stay back.
- Come out with your hands up.
! - [ Officer .]
Please stay back.
Police believe the alleged gunman is holding hostages - inside this souvenir shop.
- Keep blowing! No word yet on how many people are being held but we have every reason to believe at least two store employees are inside.
Police have been waiting on word from the alleged gunman but so far, no demands from the gunman, whom we now know to be a killer.
Thankfully, no further indication of violence has been seen.
But for those inside, this must be one harrowing experience.
On an interesting note, the situation was brought to the attention of police by a friend of one of the hostages, Eric Gotts.
He's with me now.
Mr.
Gotts, what prompted you to go to police? - Did you see the gunman? - No.
Did your friend say something clever and cryptic? I just knew something was wrong.
I came by to say good-bye, but she wouldn't let me do it.
And when you care about somebody even if she's upset with him, you let him at least have that.
[ Woman On TV.]
You heard it here first.
A friend's cold shoulder was in actuality a cry for help.
One, [ Blowing .]
two, three-- Getting light headed.
Switch.
- [ Rumbling .]
- What the hell is that? [ Rumbling Continues, Clicking .]
Snipers, looking to line up the perfect shot.
Now is the time to surrender! Psst.
! The bathroom.
Be quiet! He's dying! - Let him go.
- I can't! His heart just-- Oh, my God! ''Give him heart.
'' It's my fault.
There's a hidden door in the bathroom.
Let him go.
- There's a hidden door in the bathroom! - [ Alec .]
In Peggy's office? Is that why I feel a breeze on my ankles when I'm sitting there? Show me! - Clear! - [ Arcing .]
[ Police Radio Chatter .]
- Excuse me.
- What's going on? - Our daughter is inside.
- And you didn't tell me about this before because? It just occurred to me? - Where does it go? - I-- I don't know.
You're comin' with me.
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
Good.
Good! He took her! - He's gotJaye! - Sharon? - Sharon! - Where's Jaye? - [ Parents .]
Sharon! - They went around the back! And we need a paramedic! Ow! [ Cocks Gun .]
The keys are in the ignition.
Oh! - Get in.
- [ Groans .]
You are planning to let me go, right? Probably not.
I kinda can't.
Do you understand? What's gonna happen to me? - Say something! - What is that? - Is there a tracking device in there or something? - Oh, no! [ Shouting .]
You! - [ Footsteps .]
- [ Siren Wailing .]
- Get out! Get out! - [ Screams .]
- Get the hell outta the car! - [ Siren Grows Louder .]
Come on! Come on! Get out of the car! - [ Screaming .]
- [ Screaming .]
- [ Chattering .]
- [ Police Radio Chatter .]
Jaye.
! Oh, baby.
! Oh, sweetheart.
! Oh, look at you.
! - Are you okay? Are you all right? - Let me see you.
- [ Woman Singing Ballad .]
- Did he hurt you at all? - [ Chattering .]
- [ Continues .]
I wanna go over there and hug her, but I can't 'cause if I do, I'm gonna lose it.
What are you gonna lose? - Did you know about this? - Nuh-uh.
Heidi? [ Continues .]
Come on.
Let's go home.
His heart was the only thing that wasn't pulverized.
They took it out of him and put it into me.
You got the heart of a murderer? Are you gonna start killing people now? I can't kill anybody.
I have to avoid strenuous activity.
You can't even chase me if I steal something? Probably not for another month.
Hey, don't you-- [ Groaning .]
Hey! Out! It is kind of creepy, isn't it? Getting a murderer's heart.
- It's an anecdote.
- I don't think the man was evil.
He did have a donor sticker.
It takes thought and effort to be an organ donor.
Especially considering what they say about paramedics.
I'm just grateful I got a new heart after you made the old one explode in my chest.
All that talk about being a hero-- I could have died.
I hope you've learned a lesson about playing games with people's lives.
- Hey, you wanna see my scar? - Awesome! Or you could say, ''Thank you.
'' [ Clears Throat .]
I'd like to return these items.
Did they break? 'Cause we sell a lot of crap here.
No, but they're not doing what they're supposed to do.
- They're souvenirs.
- I know.
And souvenirs are supposed to remind you of a place you're not.
And I'm here, so they're not doing what they're supposed to do.
Well, what about your wife? Where is she? My ex-wife? She's recovering at a spa.
I went with her to get her settled, but then I moved out.
Oh.
Sorry about that.
It was inevitable.
Everything that had to happen happened.
Heidi said so herself.
She was driving over here to tell me we were through when you crashed into her car.
Course, now she's kicking herself for saving your life.
And here I was hating her for coming to town.
I guess she had to come to town to leave.
And I had to leave before I could come back.
Are you back? 'Cause I was supposed to let you go.
What does it mean? Are you just visiting? I'm a resident, and I'm single if anyone were to be interested.
Sign here.
But I can only give you store credit.
Good.
Another reason for me to come back.
[ Man Singing .]
[ Continues .]
- [ Lion .]
A word of advice? - Shut up.
Oh.
- [ Ends .]
- [ Chuckling .]
[ Cackling .]
- I'm confused.
- That's perfectly normal.
- Perfectly normal.
This boy is ready for your jelly.
I can't be in a relationship right now.
I have issues.
We should absolutely have a date.
Jaye, this is Heidi, my wife.
Eric, please, marry me again.
- Fine.
- Really? - There's an all-night chapel.
Spring Street, isn't it? - [ Woman Singing .]
Rainbow Boulevard.
- [ Continues .]
- Thanks.
[ Chattering .]
[ Alec .]
Leather-bound goods of this quality-- you might try Talismania across the quad.
[ Chattering Continues .]
- [ Bell Dings .]
- This one has fiber optics.
Go for the sunglasses.
Abort the birdcage and go for the glasses.
You could fit, like, a dozen in each sleeve.
[ Chuckling .]
Hypothetically.
The idea is, we don't want them to steal.
You don't understand.
This is as fun as it gets these days.
- I can't even go out for a drink anymore.
- How long you been sober? I'm not sober.
I'm in love with a bartender and he just remarried his wife, so that makes things awkward.
He's eyeing the Slinky.
You know, he has to steal, like, four of those for me to even get a dollar.
Is this one of those stores that gives its employees a cash bonus when they apprehend a shoplifter? Ten percent of whatever they were gonna steal.
One time, I accidentally left the watch case open and I got, like, 500 bucks.
- Slinky in the pants, Aisle Three.
- Roger that.
No, wait! Wait! We should wait! He might steal more and be more guilty.
Why? Is the watch case unlocked? Fine! We can catch him now.
[ Chirping .]
Let him go.
What are you doing? You're supposed to escort him to the manager's office so we don't disturb the customers shopping legally.
- Yeah, I know, but-- - Let him go.
! [ Sighs .]
We should let him go.
No, we're not doing that.
You have a sticker in the window that says you prosecute shoplifters to the full extent of the law and that's exactly what we're gonna to do.
Dude, it's a Slinky.
A Slinky.
And it's in his underwear.
How weird is that gonna be? Just do what you will.
Hi.
Wow.
Hi.
I-- I didn't expect to see you here.
Buying souvenirs? Isn't that what people do when they wanna remember a place they're not? I'm leaving today.
Heidi found us an apartment in NewJersey.
But this was all sort of inevitable, right? Me going back toJersey? I mean, it is what it is, right? Well, what if-- What if I told you I-- Let him go! I hope you didn't pay for that with a credit card.
I really don't want her knowing where we live.
[ Eric .]
I haven't paid for anything yet.
Sorry to be such a bitch about this, but you are unstable.
- [ Scoffs .]
- [ Eric .]
Look, could you, uh-- Could you pay for these? I'll just be a second, okay? You said, ''What if I told you.
'' - What if you told me what? - [ Bird .]
Tell him you're happy.
What if I told you I'm happy? Happy for you and happy for her? Right.
I guess I'd have to say good-bye.
Let him go! Then I'm happy.
I'm happy for you, and I'm happy for Heidi.
It was really nice meeting you.
Yeah.
Same here.
[ Door Closes .]
I hope you weren't plannin' on goin'to college.
Admission boards tend to frown on shoplifters.
George W.
Bush doesn't like them either so you can forget about workin' in a government or police agency.
Is that why you're not a real cop? You got caught shoplifting? I'm cop enough to detain a criminal in possession of unpurchased merchandise.
You pickin' up what I'm puttin' down? Hand over the Slinky in your pants or I'm authorized to go in after it.
I think I'll let the lady go in after it.
Ow! You have choices, life choices.
This was a bad life choice.
That's why you're in an unpleasant situation.
Unpleasant situations can be avoided by making good life choices.
I have to disagree.
I make good life choices.
Mostly because they're forced on me, but I make them.
And I find myself in unpleasant situations all the time.
You know why? Because even if you have a choice it can and will be taken away from you.
We're all fate's bitch.
You might as well go ahead and bend over for destiny now.
I think that's the wrong message to be sending.
Well, is there an unmarked envelope or maybe a marked one that has my name on it? They promised it'd be here.
There's nothing here.
Nothing for you.
Nothing at all.
You don't seem mad, but mad words are coming out of your mouth.
What kind of words do you expect? You're acting like you can't wait to get outta here.
- We can't.
- I didn't think this was how I was gonna leave.
- Really? How did you think you were gonna leave? - I don't know.
Not like this.
Maybe he left my check at the hostess stand.
Psst! I didn't know how I was gonna get out of talkin' to her.
Did you really want something? -Just this.
- Not in public.
[ Kiss .]
Fine.
So I have to buy anniversary presents for my parents.
Mom told me what Sharon's getting Dad so I've gotta get him the more expensive one.
Hey, do me a favor.
Come with me to the dinner.
Your parents' anniversary dinner? I need you to take a picture of Sharon when Dad opens my present first.
I'd do it myself, but that seems petty.
But that's not the only reason.
Uh, b-because I-- I just want you to be my date in, uh, whatever, uh, capacity you're comfortable with.
Nobody's gonna be comfortable with me being your date in any capacity.
What are you talking about? My parents love you.
You've had a stocking on our fireplace every Christmas since I was 1 0.
You don't understand how your mother feels about the women you date.
- She loathes them.
- But she doesn't loathe you.
She will.
She'll see this as a betrayal.
I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing.
I've infiltrated her flock, and now I'm about to eat her delicious baby lamb.
- Answer's no.
- But you just said I'm delicious.
How could you say no to delicious? - Go shopping.
- Aaah.
Hello, Officers.
Our little friend here was, uh committing a 1 7 0 at the Wonderfalls Gift Emporium.
The stolen item was recovered and returned to the merchant.
I'll be processing the paperwork this afternoon.
Is there anything you would like me to add to the report before I release the perp into your custody? - What'd you steal, kid? - A Slinky.
- You sorry? - Yeah.
Don't do it again.
Now get outta here.
What-- What-- That was a little on the careless side.
What kind of lesson are you teaching young Jeremy? Certainly not to take responsibility for his own actions.
- Who are you? - WadeJones.
Hi.
I enforce security here in the quad.
How long have you guys been walking this beat? [ Woman On Radio .]
All units, we've got a 540 at 1 601 North Whirlpool.
- Ooh.
That's just around the corner.
Can I come? - No.
I know what a 540 is.
Give him heart.
''Give him heart''? What about me? Who's gonna give me heart? Who's gonna strengthen my resolve? Because my resolve is definitely losing structural integrity.
Okay, quick.
The antique mall closes in 20 minutes.
One or two? One or two? Mom and Dad's anniversary present.
One or two? - Two.
- Okay, two or three? Two or three? I take it we're getting them a clock? It's tradition.
Thirty-first anniversary is a timepiece.
I'm giving Dad a pocket watch just from myself, but this'll be from both of us.
Two or three? [ Weakly .]
Two.
Do you wanna give Dad the pocket watch? - No.
-Jaye? Excuse me.
- [ Sharon .]
What's the matter? - Nothing.
I said number two.
Just go buy your number two and be done with it.
- Can I go through here? - Boat tours are off-season.
- Where can I-- - She said they are off-season.
What is wrong? I let him go.
I had to let him go, but I didn't wanna let him go.
I wanted to keep this one.
- Oh.
- Why can't I have nice things? Your little friend who likes the zoo? I know there's that whole clause about letting somebody go and what it means if they come back and blah, blah, blah.
But I already told him not to come back, fairly definitively.
But what I really wanted to tell him was not to go.
- [ Crying .]
-Jaye.
You are in love.
- Don't make fun of me.
- Do you love him? - Yes.
- Is he gone? - He's going.
- Is he gone? Is he? 540 at Bank of Niagara.
That's an armed robbery.
The perp got away on foot.
May still be in the area.
They'll probably do a door-to-door.
Word is he's packin' a nine-millimeter.
He's not doin' the mess around, that one.
- Can I hold your gun? - Stop asking me that.
[ Whispering .]
I got a gun to your back.
Close the store or I'll shoot you.
Call him now! [ Dialing .]
[ Ringing .]
- Barrel.
- Hi.
Jaye.
Hi.
Hi.
Okay, um you know how I said I was happy? Happy for you and happy for Heidi? Well, I lied.
I'm not happy.
I'm not happy at all.
I mean, I'd be happy for you if you were happy but I don't think you're happy.
Are you happy? You're sounding a little retarded.
What are you trying to say? Well, I'm saying we never said good-bye, technically.
I mean, I said, ''Nice meeting you,'' and you said, ''Same here'' which in no way suggests closure of any kind.
So I propose you meet me in my trailer in 20 minutes.
- For closure.
- Or whatever.
See you in 20.
- Is he gonna meet you? - He just has to ditch his wife.
His wife? Shouldn't you call the antique mall and tell them to hold our clock? Oh, good Lord! Attention customers.
The store is now closed.
Attention customers.
The store is now closed.
Please bring your final purchases to the reg-- The register is broken.
Leave your final purchases where you found them.
We're closing.
Now.
- We're closing? - The register's broken.
That's good, cause I got a call from a neighbor and my trailer's on fire, so I'm gonna go tend to that.
Don't lock it.
I'm on my way out.
- Give him heart.
- [ Bell Dinging .]
No.
And you can't make me.
- Get on the floor.
- Oh, God! - Who else is in here? - [ Sharon Grunting .]
Give him heart.
Okay, so maybe you can make me.
Keep your noses on the floor.
Nobody panic.
[ Whispering .]
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid-- - Give him heart.
- Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Uh, no.
There, there.
Cheer up.
It's not your fault.
What do you mean? Of course it's his fault.
- He's security.
How secure do you feel? - Shh! - [ Gun Cocks .]
- Oh, please, don't kill me! I can't die.
I've never been with a woman.
- You-- - I have been with a woman! Keys.
All I need are the keys to those back gates, and then I'm just a rumor.
- Why would I have the keys? - Because you're the manager.
Oh, no, I don't work here.
[ Chuckling .]
I'm the manager.
Assistant manager.
I have very little actual authority.
- Those aren't our gates.
- There are no keys.
They take a code.
I haven't been cleared for that.
I had to come to the one place that's all windows and doesn't have a back exit.
Oh, look, a ladybug backpack.
You're that bank robber! My God.
! Are you the profiler? Get outta my head! Yeah, I'm that bank robber! So, armed robbery.
A felony.
But still, there are felonies, and then there are felonies, right? As an attorney at law, may I give you some professional advice? There are all kinds of reasons why a jury might sympathize with robbery.
But hostage taking-- that might turn out to be ugly.
Cell phones, pagers, your popgun that walkie-- all in the hat.
Let's go.
- Come on.
Give it up.
- Mm-mmm.
I got nothing.
[ Grunting .]
What's this? A stun gun? Oh, I forgot I had that.
- [ Arcing .]
- [ Screams .]
You didn't forget to charge it, did you? It's scarier than that popgun.
It may shoot rubber pellets, but it's a fully licensed crowd-dispersal firearm.
So's this, except for the licensed part.
Give him heart.
[ Whispering .]
If I do, will you get me outta here by 5:00? - Mahandra? - Hmm? Can you be nice to Heidi for a half hour? There's something I gotta deal with.
A half hour? Got to or need to? Want to.
It doesn't sound as urgent as ''got to'' or ''need to.
'' Want to, got to, need to.
Okay? Hmm.
Is this the kind of want to, got to, need to that starts with a ''J''? Oh, dear, it looks lovely.
Is all this really necessary? Darrin, it's our wedding anniversary.
I don't see why we have to make such a fuss.
You know,just once I would love to celebrate-- just the two of us.
No kids, no cakes, no clothes.
[ Growls .]
We can't disappoint the children.
Disappoint Sharon, you mean.
You know how much this means to her.
If she got married herself, she could be putting all this energy into her own anniversary.
She'd have to meet someone first.
And not just Sharon, but Aaron and Jaye too.
All of them.
They're attractive and yet unattached.
Maybe we damaged them somehow.
We didn't damage all of them.
Aaron said something about bringing a lady friend this evening.
- Been seeing her for some time.
- Really? Aaron.
Your father says we should be expecting a guest.
She's not coming.
Should we feel guilty about this? [ Robber .]
Just think clearly.
Just do it.
Just think, think, think.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
So,Jones, tell me about yourself.
- What? -Just give me the thumbnail.
Hopes, dreams, ambitions.
Any problems I should know about? Are you flirting with him? Is this some sort of stress response? [ Woman On Radio .]
Unit 47, 20 1 at 3rd and Western.
Can you talk to the cops on this thing? - You wanna turn yourself in? - Yeah, I wanna turn myself in.
The lesbian lawyer convinced me.
Find out where they're searching.
N.
F.
P.
D.
, this is 1 8th and Century Quad Security.
Over.
This channel is for official police business only.
Yeah, I was just wondering how you fellas were doing on your, um, search.
Over.
- Who is this? - WadeJones, Quad Security.
[ Woman On Radio .]
The chubby guy with the popgun? [Jones .]
It's not a popgun.
It's a fully licensed crowd-dispersal firearm.
Over.
You're not official police.
Get off the radio or we will arrest you.
- Get back on the floor.
- I'm doing that now.
God, I suck.
[ Rock, Indistinct .]
Um, where is my husband? The manager is meeting him on the corner to give him his check.
- He'll be right back.
- [ Sighs .]
You know, we never really got a chance to get to know each other.
You're not proposing we do that now, are you? 'Cause we don't like each other.
Yeah, I know.
Isn't it interesting? Why do you think that is? [ Alec .]
I can't tell if the Slinky is helping or hurting.
Hey, I think I figured out what your problem is.
- You're not a cop.
- That seems to be everyone's problem at the moment.
You're not a cop, but I think maybe you wanna be.
Can't be.
I-- I got rejected by the police academy three times.
I, uh-- I couldn't pass the physical.
So it's a weight thing.
No, it's not a weight-- What do you want? This may sound a little crazy but I think you're the reason we're here.
We've already established that.
Oh, no, not that it's your fault, 'cause I really don't think it is.
You don't? Really? Really.
But maybe the reason you're here and the guys that didn't get rejected from the police academy aren't is so you can prove you have what it takes.
But I don't have what it takes.
Oh, I think you do.
- [ Phone Ringing .]
- [ Robber .]
Oh, man.
That could be opportunity calling.
Somebody expecting you? No.
No.
I'm totally free.
- Probably a wrong number.
- Get over here and answer it.
Be very careful.
- Hello? - [ Karen .]
Sharon, dear.
Claude just called and said you hadn't stopped by the shop to pick up the cake.
Oh, right.
Well, I am not gonna be able to do it.
And Jaye and I are probably not gonna be able to come to your anniversary dinner either.
- Darrin! - But you know how those things are such a chore for me anyway.
Well, then-- - All right.
All right.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, dear.
I'll call you tomorrow.
Bye-bye.
- [ Darrin .]
Washer or dryer? - Washer! Washer! [ Washing Machine Whirring .]
- Mmm.
! Spin cycle.
! - Ooh, Darrin.
! - [ Karen Laughing .]
That tickles.
! - Yes.
! Oh,yeah.
! [ Man .]
Live from Niagara Falls, it's the Channel Nine 5:00 News.
[ Dial Tone .]
All right.
Bye.
Put it back.
- I got it! I got it! - Find the news.
- [ Woman On TV.]
Everyone quarreled.
- Back on the floor.
- The script was rewritten possibly-- - Hey! I said, back on the floor! - [ Arcing .]
- [ Yelling .]
Jaye, get the gun! - Give him heart.
-Jones, get the gun! - Touch it and you're dead! -Jaye! - Give him heart.
Give him heart! - Be a cop,Jones! Be a cop! - Oh, my God.
! Are you that lazy? - [ Whimpering .]
- [ Stun Gun Arcing .]
- [ Karen Screaming .]
- Another dead lawyer.
What a shame.
- No! - Hey, look, it's you.
- [ Man On TV.]
Last seen in the area of Niagara Falls.
The suspect is responsible for shooting a security guard at the Bank of Niagara earlier today.
You shot a security guard? He didn't do as he was told.
- [ TVContinues, Indistinct .]
- [ Knocking On Door .]
Jaye? Are you in there? Oh, God.
I waited at your trailer.
Jaye? Get rid of him, or I will.
- [ Knocking .]
-Jaye? - Get rid of him.
Nose on the floor.
Jaye? - Hi.
What's up? - I'm confused.
Was I supposed to meet you here or at your trailer? It was my trailer.
Sorry about that.
I got busy, and it slipped my mind.
- Can we talk later? - Uh, actually, no, we can't.
You were right.
I'm not happy.
You're not happy.
And I was thinking maybe we're not happy about the same thing.
Oh, I'm happy.
Happy as a clam.
I was just in a funk before.
I'm moody that way.
- Thanks for stopping by though.
- So, what, is this closure? It'll have to do.
Let me in.
Where does Heidi think you are right now? - What? - Did you lie to her? What'd you tell her, Eric? That you were just bopping down to the 7-Eleven for some trail mix? - You think she'll buy that? - Why won't you let me in? So, you marry this woman, and then you lie to her and leave her in a bar.
Classy.
I don't know which one of you is more pathetic.
I see you've done this sort of thing before.
Back on the floor.
[ Woman .]
The victim, a security guard, shot during today's robbery at the Bank of Niagara died in surgery at Northern Falls General Hospital.
The alleged gunman, seen here, remains at large and should be considered extremely dangerous.
But it's just manslaughter, right? If I didn't plan it? No.
It's second-degree murder.
But he lunged at me.
He lunged at me.
! - He lunged at me! - Manslaughter it is then.
And the tiles in the men's room, they contain lead paint.
And the tiles in the men's room, they contain lead paint.
There's legislation against that, because lead paint is like the crack of paint.
Hey, I-- I like your, uh, purse.
Is he meeting her for sex, or are they running away together? I'm sorry? Don't be one of those girls.
I'm the man's wife.
His wife.
Just be decent about this and tell me why he's sneakin' off to see Crazy.
She's not c-- I don't know anything about anybody sneakin'.
Well, it sure seems like you do.
You got all pissy when your boyfriend tried to kiss you in public.
You don't exactly strike me as the frigid type if you know what I mean.
And I was really enjoying our conversation.
There may have been rumor of a rendezvous.
Should I gasp? But nobody's running away together and nobody's having sex.
I don't think they ever had sex.
- You don't trust him.
- Well, of course I don't trust him.
Have you seen the way he looks at her? - I've seen it.
- Well, then you know.
Yeah, I know.
He's a caged animal.
He's already a murderer.
If there-- If there was any chance of him giving himself up, it's gone now.
Noses on the floor! I thought we had this discussion! You meant that literally? I thought since the floor is so filthy that-- - Never mind.
- Am I a cop killer now? - [ Sharon .]
What? - Look at me! I know what happens to cop killers.
Well, yes.
I mean, technically, you only killed a security guard.
- So it's not as bad? - No.
That's good.
All right.
All right.
You-- You got any street maps here? - Go get 'em! - It's your sister's job to clean the floors.
[Jones .]
And it's myjob to contain the situation.
I'm not gonna die a coward.
What are you doing? You said before that this was happening because of me.
So I could prove I have what it takes.
Well, I was wrong.
It happened because of me.
So I could learn to do as I'm told, give up on love and die miserable and alone.
We are all gonna die.
We are all gonna die, aren't we? That'd be too easy.
If you kill your pet bird, it can't sing for you anymore.
Is that a metaphor? Who's the bird? Am I the bird? - I'm the bird.
- I'm the bird.
And they don't want me dead.
They just wanted to clip my wings a little.
So just lay down and don't do anything stupid.
- Ooh! - Get back on the floor, on your face.
- I'm tired of not doing anything.
Let me go.
- No.
Let him go.
Let him go! Let me go.
Fine! Only,you're not doing this alone.
And for all intents and purposes, you'll be the hero, if anyone asks.
- [Jones .]
So what's the plan? - The plan was sex.
Friend sex, which is generally safer and more disease-free than stranger sex.
But now he wants relationship sex and all that comes with including public displays of affection.
You should be thrilled he isn't evasive or ambiguous or tortured.
Well, it isn't about being thrilled or not.
And it isn't about what I think or what I want.
It's about what other people think I shouldn't want.
Wait.
I'm confused.
Are you listening to yourself whining to me about a guy who wants to be with you and knows he wants to be with you? Please, tell me what is so confusing about that so I can listen to you whine some more and not kill myself.
Please.
! [ Police Radio Chatter .]
[ Car Doors Closing .]
Get back on the floor! Permission to speak or whatever? Speak carefully.
I wanna help you get out of here.
Really? That is so sweet.
I'm serious.
We have funny wigs and hats.
You could wear one of those skirts from the Maid of the Mist display.
We all run out of here, pointing and yelling back at the store and in the chaos, you slip away.
- You want me to wear a dress? - Osama would do it.
Were you here before when they talked about how I killed that guy? Nobody's gonna let me slip away.
Fine.
Then how about this? We dig a little spider hole for you under this planter.
We're not familiar with each other enough for you to mock me like this.
Oh, I'm not mocking.
These things are surprisingly deep.
Are you insane? I'm sorry.
I'm scared.
We're all scared, which is why I wanna help.
You think you have to figure this out all by yourself.
You think you're all alone in this.
But there are four people here who all want the same thing you do.
We all wanna get out of here alive.
He's not breathing! - I did not touch him! - Is he breathing? - No.
- Pulse? Not that I'm aware of.
I am not responsible for his death.
I am not a double-homicide guy.
- [ Phone Ringing .]
- [ Blowing .]
Answer it! Wonderfalls Gift Emporium.
Please hold.
It's the police.
They wanna talk to you.
[ Sirens Wailing .]
Attention inside Wonderfalls.
We have the building surrounded.
Come out with your hands up.
I repeat, the building is surrounded.
- Come out with your hands up.
! - [ Officer .]
Please stay back.
- Come out with your hands up.
! - [ Officer .]
Please stay back.
Police believe the alleged gunman is holding hostages - inside this souvenir shop.
- Keep blowing! No word yet on how many people are being held but we have every reason to believe at least two store employees are inside.
Police have been waiting on word from the alleged gunman but so far, no demands from the gunman, whom we now know to be a killer.
Thankfully, no further indication of violence has been seen.
But for those inside, this must be one harrowing experience.
On an interesting note, the situation was brought to the attention of police by a friend of one of the hostages, Eric Gotts.
He's with me now.
Mr.
Gotts, what prompted you to go to police? - Did you see the gunman? - No.
Did your friend say something clever and cryptic? I just knew something was wrong.
I came by to say good-bye, but she wouldn't let me do it.
And when you care about somebody even if she's upset with him, you let him at least have that.
[ Woman On TV.]
You heard it here first.
A friend's cold shoulder was in actuality a cry for help.
One, [ Blowing .]
two, three-- Getting light headed.
Switch.
- [ Rumbling .]
- What the hell is that? [ Rumbling Continues, Clicking .]
Snipers, looking to line up the perfect shot.
Now is the time to surrender! Psst.
! The bathroom.
Be quiet! He's dying! - Let him go.
- I can't! His heart just-- Oh, my God! ''Give him heart.
'' It's my fault.
There's a hidden door in the bathroom.
Let him go.
- There's a hidden door in the bathroom! - [ Alec .]
In Peggy's office? Is that why I feel a breeze on my ankles when I'm sitting there? Show me! - Clear! - [ Arcing .]
[ Police Radio Chatter .]
- Excuse me.
- What's going on? - Our daughter is inside.
- And you didn't tell me about this before because? It just occurred to me? - Where does it go? - I-- I don't know.
You're comin' with me.
Thump, thump.
Thump, thump.
Good.
Good! He took her! - He's gotJaye! - Sharon? - Sharon! - Where's Jaye? - [ Parents .]
Sharon! - They went around the back! And we need a paramedic! Ow! [ Cocks Gun .]
The keys are in the ignition.
Oh! - Get in.
- [ Groans .]
You are planning to let me go, right? Probably not.
I kinda can't.
Do you understand? What's gonna happen to me? - Say something! - What is that? - Is there a tracking device in there or something? - Oh, no! [ Shouting .]
You! - [ Footsteps .]
- [ Siren Wailing .]
- Get out! Get out! - [ Screams .]
- Get the hell outta the car! - [ Siren Grows Louder .]
Come on! Come on! Get out of the car! - [ Screaming .]
- [ Screaming .]
- [ Chattering .]
- [ Police Radio Chatter .]
Jaye.
! Oh, baby.
! Oh, sweetheart.
! Oh, look at you.
! - Are you okay? Are you all right? - Let me see you.
- [ Woman Singing Ballad .]
- Did he hurt you at all? - [ Chattering .]
- [ Continues .]
I wanna go over there and hug her, but I can't 'cause if I do, I'm gonna lose it.
What are you gonna lose? - Did you know about this? - Nuh-uh.
Heidi? [ Continues .]
Come on.
Let's go home.
His heart was the only thing that wasn't pulverized.
They took it out of him and put it into me.
You got the heart of a murderer? Are you gonna start killing people now? I can't kill anybody.
I have to avoid strenuous activity.
You can't even chase me if I steal something? Probably not for another month.
Hey, don't you-- [ Groaning .]
Hey! Out! It is kind of creepy, isn't it? Getting a murderer's heart.
- It's an anecdote.
- I don't think the man was evil.
He did have a donor sticker.
It takes thought and effort to be an organ donor.
Especially considering what they say about paramedics.
I'm just grateful I got a new heart after you made the old one explode in my chest.
All that talk about being a hero-- I could have died.
I hope you've learned a lesson about playing games with people's lives.
- Hey, you wanna see my scar? - Awesome! Or you could say, ''Thank you.
'' [ Clears Throat .]
I'd like to return these items.
Did they break? 'Cause we sell a lot of crap here.
No, but they're not doing what they're supposed to do.
- They're souvenirs.
- I know.
And souvenirs are supposed to remind you of a place you're not.
And I'm here, so they're not doing what they're supposed to do.
Well, what about your wife? Where is she? My ex-wife? She's recovering at a spa.
I went with her to get her settled, but then I moved out.
Oh.
Sorry about that.
It was inevitable.
Everything that had to happen happened.
Heidi said so herself.
She was driving over here to tell me we were through when you crashed into her car.
Course, now she's kicking herself for saving your life.
And here I was hating her for coming to town.
I guess she had to come to town to leave.
And I had to leave before I could come back.
Are you back? 'Cause I was supposed to let you go.
What does it mean? Are you just visiting? I'm a resident, and I'm single if anyone were to be interested.
Sign here.
But I can only give you store credit.
Good.
Another reason for me to come back.
[ Man Singing .]
[ Continues .]
- [ Lion .]
A word of advice? - Shut up.
Oh.
- [ Ends .]
- [ Chuckling .]
[ Cackling .]