Wrecked (2016) s02e06 Episode Script
Sister Mercy
1 Previously on "Wrecked" Are you friends flirting? - We're not flirting.
- We're talking.
Oh, my God.
You're flirting! I've been looking everywhere for you.
I've just been hanging out with Florence.
If that boat leaves, we die here.
I got to bang one of these pirates.
What?! I think I can get you on that boat, but, uh, I'm gonna want to do both of you.
- Oh.
- Oh, no.
- Whoo! - Aah! The pirates they're gonna kill us! They're gonna harvest our organs and sell them.
- How did you guys find this out? - Never mind! Steve: I thought The Barracuda was a good person, but I've been sleeping with a monster! We're all gonna die! Together: Bringing in the corn Bringing in the corn We labor for the harvest Bringing in the corn Father Daddy: There it is.
Bringing in the corn Bringing in the corn We labor for the harvest Bringing in the corn My children, your Father Daddy is filled to the brim with exuberance.
For upon us is the harvest, and the harvest is our salvation.
It is why we have no friends, no family.
Only harvest.
[Dramatic music plays.]
What the [bleep.]
is this? What is this, corn silk? Who shucked this?! [Gasps.]
It's an abomination! You ungrateful devil! Here I am, providing for this family, making room in my bed for all the women, for your sisters and your mother and your mother's sisters.
Sister Mercy, tonight after lights out, we're leaving.
How? We're supposed to be in bed after lights out.
Right.
But we won't be in bed - because we'll be escaping.
- But that's against the rules.
I ought to take your hands and your tiny little ding-dong and stick 'em in the thresher! Father Daddy is a monster.
Are you coming or not? Sister Mercy, why have you stopped shucking your corn?! I'm sorry, Father Daddy.
Owen: I don't know about you guys, I'm partial to my kidneys.
I'd like to keep them.
So, clearly, if we don't get off this island right now, - we are all gonna die.
- [People murmuring.]
All right, well, then what the hell should we do? I got a plan.
We find some liquor, and we drink hard destroy our kidneys.
That way, they're worthless.
What are you, stupid?! That's a terrible idea! Jess: That's your liver, not your kidneys.
Okay, we need an actual plan.
Steve, you spent some time in the pirates' camp.
Is there anything that you can think of that might be helpful? I don't know.
I was mostly in The Barracuda's tent just having nonstop, crazy sex.
- How? - Hell, yeah.
Come on, Steve.
There's got to be something, anything.
[Dramatic beat.]
There's a gun box near the tree line.
It always has two guards.
The boat is in the cove.
There's at least one guard there.
But the key to the boat is in The Barracuda's tent.
And she's definitely gonna be inside.
But if we can take the guns and the boat simultaneously, we'd control the island.
Control the island, control the ship.
Holy shit.
Good plan, Steve.
Really? Almost makes me forget you're a murderer.
Wow.
Thank you very much.
Just Just trying to help out.
So we'll split up, take 'em out all at once.
Who's gonna take out The Barracuda? Karen: I'll do it.
I'll take out Father Daddy.
- What? - What? - What? - What? What?! Owen: Okay, here's the plan.
I'll go for the guns.
Danny, you want to be with me? Of course, buddy.
Dream Team Danny and Owen.
Classic pairing.
- And maybe Florence? - What now? I'm in.
All right, Jess and I will take the boat.
That's Barracuda's tent.
- No, that's the boat.
- No, that's the boat.
Why the hell did you make them all beer bottles then? Because I don't know how to make dioramas! I'm freaking out! Okay, what about the other pirates? I'll put a team together.
But do I have a license to kill? What? No, there's no license to kill.
Keeping the government out of it that's smart.
No, I just mean don't kill anyone unless you have to.
Just, you know, conk 'em.
What if I conk someone so hard they accidentally die? We get it, Bruce.
You want to kill people.
Everybody, let's just do our best.
Todd: Let's do this! Come on! [Indistinct chatter.]
[Whispering.]
I don't know why we need Florence with us.
You and I, man We're the Dream Team.
[Whispering.]
Dream Team what what is that? "What is that"? It's us! I have never heard you say that before today.
[Whispering.]
Looks like it's only one guard.
Wow.
Great counting, Florence.
So glad you're with us.
We just need a distraction.
I have an idea.
I'm not proud of this, but it's gotten me out of a lot of traffic tickets.
Oh! Hey, Florence, I don't think you have to do anything.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
I do it all the time.
Get ready to conk, boys, 'cause that pirate's about to be super distracted.
Gross.
Oh, my God! Where's my freaking bra?! Where the freak is it?! Calm down, lady.
What's going on? I can't find my bra! Have you see it?! I just had it! I always put it on before - my shirts or my dresses.
- Let Let Let's go.
I'm a feminist, but I have a lot of freakin' sheer tops! - I can't find it! - Oh! - Wha! - Oh, nice! [Laughs.]
Freakin' told you that works every time.
- That works every time? - Oh, yeah.
- On who? - Everyone.
- Everyone? - Oh, yeah.
Waiters, bartenders, cops, pilots.
Guys! The gun box is locked.
[Gasps.]
The key is probably in one of these pockets.
It's a combo lock.
Oh, hi, Karen.
What are you doing? I, um You know, I came up with the plan, and everyone said I did a great job, so I'm just gonna hang in the pit and, you know, wait for it all to play out.
All right, I'll see you in a minute.
No, you're coming with me.
Uh, I can't come with you 'cause The Barracuda said she'd murder me, so it's not really Aah! That's my fatty neck skin! I'll be damned.
Look who it is, Jess our pirate.
[Whispering.]
Okay, when we start kissing him, you give him a conk, okay? Kiss then conk got it.
- Wait, what? - No time to explain.
- Move out.
- What do you mean? Shit! What's up, dude? Well, well, well.
Look what the sex cat dragged in.
My favorite couple.
We were just talking about how freakin' rad it's gonna be when we're all on that boat together.
Oh, you bet.
You guys ever had sex on a waterbed on the water? No.
But we want to.
Oh, me too.
Man, I gotta get a waterbed.
You know, we were just thinking, like, why do we have to wait till we're on the boat, you know? You guys want me to fool around while I'm on the clock? Are you trying to get me killed?! Oh, God.
[Whispers.]
'Cause that sounds so hot.
[Soft music plays.]
Okay, yeah, let's do that.
Oh! Mm.
Mm.
What the [bleep.]
My God.
Owen, how hard did you hit this guy? I don't know.
I must be pretty strong.
[Branch snaps.]
Ooh! - Oh, shit! - Aah! - Why does it sound like that? - He has no tongue! Oh, that's so sad! Oh, God, he's gonna go tell The Barracuda somehow! You guys get the gun box to the boat.
I'll meet you there.
[Grunting.]
Ow.
[Grunts.]
Ow.
Oh, that Oh, my God.
This is sharp.
[Grunting.]
Move! Oh! Well, howdy, there, Barracuda.
Karen, no.
Whatever you're gonna do, just don't do it.
What the hell is this? - I caught a rat.
- Oh! Oh, yeah, that's right.
He spilled all the beans.
Told us about your little plan, too.
Take us out, harvest our organs.
Karen, No! Why are you telling her this?! Why are you telling me this? Because you've got an uprising on your hands, and I want to be on the winning side.
- [Whispering.]
You guys? - Shh.
Be quiet.
- What about Sister Mercy? - We have to wait for her.
We can't.
We have to go.
I'll go back.
There's no time.
[Engine sputtering.]
Is it the battery? I don't know.
[Engine sputtering.]
[Screams.]
Now what you have in that truck there is what they call a combustion engine.
It is very powerful.
And yet it doesn't work at all without these hushpuppies.
- Father Daddy - Hush, puppies! I am very disappointed the three of you are out of your beds after lights-out.
That's against the rules.
Lucky for you, Sister Mercy is a bit of a tattletale.
[Gasps.]
[Screams.]
Mercy, no! You're a smart woman.
I was wondering when you'd discover the most valuable thing on the island.
Took me a while to find a buyer.
How much does a human kidney go for on the black market $100,000? Try double.
Pity.
Just when I thought we had something.
We did.
What do you want from me? You give me passage on your ship and I offer you my services.
Oh! It's a boar's heart cut it out myself.
I've been hunting and gutting animals most of my life.
I figure it's not different with humans.
They're just dumber.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Ha! I dodg [Grunts.]
Mm! Oh, yeah.
This is so hot.
I'm totally into this.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Moaning.]
Okay.
What's going on, Todd? What? Nothing.
What's going on with you? You seem distracted.
No.
No, no, no.
H-He's rock hard, right, babe? Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.
- No, he's not.
He's limp.
What is going on? Pack, now! Ow! What the shit?! I conked him! Why didn't it work?! [Grunts.]
Aah! [Groans.]
Babe, the rock! [Screams.]
What is going on here?! You're just kissing everyone?! [Grunting.]
Whenever you feel like you've had enough, speak up! What's the matter? The cat literally have your tongue? [Groans.]
These quips actually feel a lot meaner when you can't speak.
Normally there'd be like a back and forth [Grunts.]
[Growls.]
Did I just vaporize him? [Groaning in distance.]
[Laughs.]
The pit! Aah! Oh, you fell in the pit! You idiot! [Laughs.]
You mute freak! [Laughs.]
Karen! Please, I'm begging you.
Don't do this.
You're my friend.
I don't have friends.
I trusted you.
You shouldn't have.
He makes a good point.
How do I know I can trust you? Well, I thought you might ask me that.
So I am prepared to prove it to you.
[Screams.]
Oh! [Gasping.]
You didn't have to kill him.
I just I thought you might swear an oath or something.
Let's go get your island back.
[Grunts.]
Whoo! Wow! Good work, everyone.
Seriously.
I mean, man, that went perfect.
I mean, that was flawless.
Kind of amazing when you think about it, right? Karen: We're too late.
We have to leave this island.
Now.
The keys to the boat are in my Looking for these? How? You see, Karen she didn't stab me.
No.
She's my friend.
She stabbed a boar bladder! Oh! [Chuckles.]
I don't understand.
Last night, three of our sisters attempted to escape the harvest.
An example must be made.
Father Daddy, what are you doing? Why, I'm going to return them to the earth from whence they came.
You said I was helping them! My sweet child, not them me.
Take them to the corn.
[Dramatic music plays.]
I let some friends down once.
I swore it would never happen again.
And you should have seen your face.
[Laughing.]
Oh! Oh, she bought it, right? Oh, oh, Karen, please, don't! Don't Don't kill me! I'm like Willem Dafoe.
Agh! Oh! Shit! You are shitting me! Where is it? - Danny: Lift, lift.
- Pack: This wouldn't be so hard if you figured out the combination.
Yeah, but just lift it.
Lift it, man.
[Grunting.]
Hey! [Breathing heavily.]
- Where is she? - Who? The Barracuda.
She's The Barracuda: Right behind you.
Are you shitting me?! We had one gun, and we just left it out for anyone?! We should all be shot in the face! Everyone step away from the boat or I'll shoot.
No, you won't.
You forgot about Danny's gun, didn't you? Now drop it or I'll shoot.
No.
I don't think you will.
Stop it, don't move! Do it, man! Take the shot! You don't want to shoot me, Steve.
Not after everything we've shared.
Don't listen to her, Steve.
I know who you are who you really are.
We're the same, you and I.
No, we're not.
You were gonna kill everyone.
Just like you killed Turdhole.
Except unlike them, I don't hate you for it.
You killed to protect what was yours.
I wouldn't say we hate you.
Yes, you would! You say it all the time! Well, I try and be nice about it.
Come with me.
We'll leave this island together right now.
Steve I love you.
I love feeling you inside me.
- Oh, gross! - Disgusting! - Christ Almighty! - Ugh! If you leave this island with them, you'll go to jail.
I don't want to go to jail.
I don't want to go to jail! - Hey, hey, hey, Steve.
- All right.
Steve, look at Look at me.
I trust you.
[Gasps.]
- Don't! - Hey.
Come on! Point the gun at me.
Why? Why am I pointing it at you? Because I know how you feel.
The Barracuda she makes you feel special, like she cares about you.
But she only cares about herself.
Steve.
This bitch doesn't know me.
No, but I know her kind.
My name wasn't always Karen.
It was Sister Mercy.
And I had a Father Daddy, and I worshiped the harvest.
- What? - Huh? - What? - What? I was in a cult.
Oh, that makes so much sense.
My Father Daddy told me I had no friends and no family, but it wasn't true! Steve, think about all that we've been through together.
We are your friends.
We are your family.
But I killed Turdhole.
Which is why you can never go home again.
Danny: Hold on.
Did you kill Turdhole? Or did you kill a Nazi? I-I killed Turdhole.
No, I don't think you did.
I think you saved us from Turdhole.
- Right, everybody? - Yeah.
We thank you.
The guy The guy was a bad guy.
I don't understand.
You're all gonna lie for me? Wouldn't have to lie.
It's like we've always said, you're a goddamn hero! We always say it.
Steve, you could start over.
I'd like that every much.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh! My friends and I are going home.
- Oh, my God! - That was cool! Whoo! [Cheering.]
Suck it, 'Cuda! Yeah! That was awesome! - We rocked this so hard.
- Whoo! I'm all jacked up right now! I think we should get married! - What? - Huh? What? You just proposed.
Are you being serious, Todd? Holy shit.
Ha.
Yeah, I'm being serious.
Jess you're kind of a loose cannon, but I love you.
[Chuckles.]
Will you marry me, like, for reals? Oh, my God! Yes! [Laughs.]
Yeah! God, I'm strong! So he smashes this log over my back, but I know the pit's right behind me, so I say, "Not today," and then I flip him over Sorry, man.
Hang on a second.
Wait, you're gonna miss the best part.
So, um, I Mmm.
Guys, are we really doing this? Are we actually going home? Feels like the end.
It is the end.
It's definitely the end! Yeah! [Cheering.]
- We're talking.
Oh, my God.
You're flirting! I've been looking everywhere for you.
I've just been hanging out with Florence.
If that boat leaves, we die here.
I got to bang one of these pirates.
What?! I think I can get you on that boat, but, uh, I'm gonna want to do both of you.
- Oh.
- Oh, no.
- Whoo! - Aah! The pirates they're gonna kill us! They're gonna harvest our organs and sell them.
- How did you guys find this out? - Never mind! Steve: I thought The Barracuda was a good person, but I've been sleeping with a monster! We're all gonna die! Together: Bringing in the corn Bringing in the corn We labor for the harvest Bringing in the corn Father Daddy: There it is.
Bringing in the corn Bringing in the corn We labor for the harvest Bringing in the corn My children, your Father Daddy is filled to the brim with exuberance.
For upon us is the harvest, and the harvest is our salvation.
It is why we have no friends, no family.
Only harvest.
[Dramatic music plays.]
What the [bleep.]
is this? What is this, corn silk? Who shucked this?! [Gasps.]
It's an abomination! You ungrateful devil! Here I am, providing for this family, making room in my bed for all the women, for your sisters and your mother and your mother's sisters.
Sister Mercy, tonight after lights out, we're leaving.
How? We're supposed to be in bed after lights out.
Right.
But we won't be in bed - because we'll be escaping.
- But that's against the rules.
I ought to take your hands and your tiny little ding-dong and stick 'em in the thresher! Father Daddy is a monster.
Are you coming or not? Sister Mercy, why have you stopped shucking your corn?! I'm sorry, Father Daddy.
Owen: I don't know about you guys, I'm partial to my kidneys.
I'd like to keep them.
So, clearly, if we don't get off this island right now, - we are all gonna die.
- [People murmuring.]
All right, well, then what the hell should we do? I got a plan.
We find some liquor, and we drink hard destroy our kidneys.
That way, they're worthless.
What are you, stupid?! That's a terrible idea! Jess: That's your liver, not your kidneys.
Okay, we need an actual plan.
Steve, you spent some time in the pirates' camp.
Is there anything that you can think of that might be helpful? I don't know.
I was mostly in The Barracuda's tent just having nonstop, crazy sex.
- How? - Hell, yeah.
Come on, Steve.
There's got to be something, anything.
[Dramatic beat.]
There's a gun box near the tree line.
It always has two guards.
The boat is in the cove.
There's at least one guard there.
But the key to the boat is in The Barracuda's tent.
And she's definitely gonna be inside.
But if we can take the guns and the boat simultaneously, we'd control the island.
Control the island, control the ship.
Holy shit.
Good plan, Steve.
Really? Almost makes me forget you're a murderer.
Wow.
Thank you very much.
Just Just trying to help out.
So we'll split up, take 'em out all at once.
Who's gonna take out The Barracuda? Karen: I'll do it.
I'll take out Father Daddy.
- What? - What? - What? - What? What?! Owen: Okay, here's the plan.
I'll go for the guns.
Danny, you want to be with me? Of course, buddy.
Dream Team Danny and Owen.
Classic pairing.
- And maybe Florence? - What now? I'm in.
All right, Jess and I will take the boat.
That's Barracuda's tent.
- No, that's the boat.
- No, that's the boat.
Why the hell did you make them all beer bottles then? Because I don't know how to make dioramas! I'm freaking out! Okay, what about the other pirates? I'll put a team together.
But do I have a license to kill? What? No, there's no license to kill.
Keeping the government out of it that's smart.
No, I just mean don't kill anyone unless you have to.
Just, you know, conk 'em.
What if I conk someone so hard they accidentally die? We get it, Bruce.
You want to kill people.
Everybody, let's just do our best.
Todd: Let's do this! Come on! [Indistinct chatter.]
[Whispering.]
I don't know why we need Florence with us.
You and I, man We're the Dream Team.
[Whispering.]
Dream Team what what is that? "What is that"? It's us! I have never heard you say that before today.
[Whispering.]
Looks like it's only one guard.
Wow.
Great counting, Florence.
So glad you're with us.
We just need a distraction.
I have an idea.
I'm not proud of this, but it's gotten me out of a lot of traffic tickets.
Oh! Hey, Florence, I don't think you have to do anything.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
I do it all the time.
Get ready to conk, boys, 'cause that pirate's about to be super distracted.
Gross.
Oh, my God! Where's my freaking bra?! Where the freak is it?! Calm down, lady.
What's going on? I can't find my bra! Have you see it?! I just had it! I always put it on before - my shirts or my dresses.
- Let Let Let's go.
I'm a feminist, but I have a lot of freakin' sheer tops! - I can't find it! - Oh! - Wha! - Oh, nice! [Laughs.]
Freakin' told you that works every time.
- That works every time? - Oh, yeah.
- On who? - Everyone.
- Everyone? - Oh, yeah.
Waiters, bartenders, cops, pilots.
Guys! The gun box is locked.
[Gasps.]
The key is probably in one of these pockets.
It's a combo lock.
Oh, hi, Karen.
What are you doing? I, um You know, I came up with the plan, and everyone said I did a great job, so I'm just gonna hang in the pit and, you know, wait for it all to play out.
All right, I'll see you in a minute.
No, you're coming with me.
Uh, I can't come with you 'cause The Barracuda said she'd murder me, so it's not really Aah! That's my fatty neck skin! I'll be damned.
Look who it is, Jess our pirate.
[Whispering.]
Okay, when we start kissing him, you give him a conk, okay? Kiss then conk got it.
- Wait, what? - No time to explain.
- Move out.
- What do you mean? Shit! What's up, dude? Well, well, well.
Look what the sex cat dragged in.
My favorite couple.
We were just talking about how freakin' rad it's gonna be when we're all on that boat together.
Oh, you bet.
You guys ever had sex on a waterbed on the water? No.
But we want to.
Oh, me too.
Man, I gotta get a waterbed.
You know, we were just thinking, like, why do we have to wait till we're on the boat, you know? You guys want me to fool around while I'm on the clock? Are you trying to get me killed?! Oh, God.
[Whispers.]
'Cause that sounds so hot.
[Soft music plays.]
Okay, yeah, let's do that.
Oh! Mm.
Mm.
What the [bleep.]
My God.
Owen, how hard did you hit this guy? I don't know.
I must be pretty strong.
[Branch snaps.]
Ooh! - Oh, shit! - Aah! - Why does it sound like that? - He has no tongue! Oh, that's so sad! Oh, God, he's gonna go tell The Barracuda somehow! You guys get the gun box to the boat.
I'll meet you there.
[Grunting.]
Ow.
[Grunts.]
Ow.
Oh, that Oh, my God.
This is sharp.
[Grunting.]
Move! Oh! Well, howdy, there, Barracuda.
Karen, no.
Whatever you're gonna do, just don't do it.
What the hell is this? - I caught a rat.
- Oh! Oh, yeah, that's right.
He spilled all the beans.
Told us about your little plan, too.
Take us out, harvest our organs.
Karen, No! Why are you telling her this?! Why are you telling me this? Because you've got an uprising on your hands, and I want to be on the winning side.
- [Whispering.]
You guys? - Shh.
Be quiet.
- What about Sister Mercy? - We have to wait for her.
We can't.
We have to go.
I'll go back.
There's no time.
[Engine sputtering.]
Is it the battery? I don't know.
[Engine sputtering.]
[Screams.]
Now what you have in that truck there is what they call a combustion engine.
It is very powerful.
And yet it doesn't work at all without these hushpuppies.
- Father Daddy - Hush, puppies! I am very disappointed the three of you are out of your beds after lights-out.
That's against the rules.
Lucky for you, Sister Mercy is a bit of a tattletale.
[Gasps.]
[Screams.]
Mercy, no! You're a smart woman.
I was wondering when you'd discover the most valuable thing on the island.
Took me a while to find a buyer.
How much does a human kidney go for on the black market $100,000? Try double.
Pity.
Just when I thought we had something.
We did.
What do you want from me? You give me passage on your ship and I offer you my services.
Oh! It's a boar's heart cut it out myself.
I've been hunting and gutting animals most of my life.
I figure it's not different with humans.
They're just dumber.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
Ha! I dodg [Grunts.]
Mm! Oh, yeah.
This is so hot.
I'm totally into this.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Moaning.]
Okay.
What's going on, Todd? What? Nothing.
What's going on with you? You seem distracted.
No.
No, no, no.
H-He's rock hard, right, babe? Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.
- No, he's not.
He's limp.
What is going on? Pack, now! Ow! What the shit?! I conked him! Why didn't it work?! [Grunts.]
Aah! [Groans.]
Babe, the rock! [Screams.]
What is going on here?! You're just kissing everyone?! [Grunting.]
Whenever you feel like you've had enough, speak up! What's the matter? The cat literally have your tongue? [Groans.]
These quips actually feel a lot meaner when you can't speak.
Normally there'd be like a back and forth [Grunts.]
[Growls.]
Did I just vaporize him? [Groaning in distance.]
[Laughs.]
The pit! Aah! Oh, you fell in the pit! You idiot! [Laughs.]
You mute freak! [Laughs.]
Karen! Please, I'm begging you.
Don't do this.
You're my friend.
I don't have friends.
I trusted you.
You shouldn't have.
He makes a good point.
How do I know I can trust you? Well, I thought you might ask me that.
So I am prepared to prove it to you.
[Screams.]
Oh! [Gasping.]
You didn't have to kill him.
I just I thought you might swear an oath or something.
Let's go get your island back.
[Grunts.]
Whoo! Wow! Good work, everyone.
Seriously.
I mean, man, that went perfect.
I mean, that was flawless.
Kind of amazing when you think about it, right? Karen: We're too late.
We have to leave this island.
Now.
The keys to the boat are in my Looking for these? How? You see, Karen she didn't stab me.
No.
She's my friend.
She stabbed a boar bladder! Oh! [Chuckles.]
I don't understand.
Last night, three of our sisters attempted to escape the harvest.
An example must be made.
Father Daddy, what are you doing? Why, I'm going to return them to the earth from whence they came.
You said I was helping them! My sweet child, not them me.
Take them to the corn.
[Dramatic music plays.]
I let some friends down once.
I swore it would never happen again.
And you should have seen your face.
[Laughing.]
Oh! Oh, she bought it, right? Oh, oh, Karen, please, don't! Don't Don't kill me! I'm like Willem Dafoe.
Agh! Oh! Shit! You are shitting me! Where is it? - Danny: Lift, lift.
- Pack: This wouldn't be so hard if you figured out the combination.
Yeah, but just lift it.
Lift it, man.
[Grunting.]
Hey! [Breathing heavily.]
- Where is she? - Who? The Barracuda.
She's The Barracuda: Right behind you.
Are you shitting me?! We had one gun, and we just left it out for anyone?! We should all be shot in the face! Everyone step away from the boat or I'll shoot.
No, you won't.
You forgot about Danny's gun, didn't you? Now drop it or I'll shoot.
No.
I don't think you will.
Stop it, don't move! Do it, man! Take the shot! You don't want to shoot me, Steve.
Not after everything we've shared.
Don't listen to her, Steve.
I know who you are who you really are.
We're the same, you and I.
No, we're not.
You were gonna kill everyone.
Just like you killed Turdhole.
Except unlike them, I don't hate you for it.
You killed to protect what was yours.
I wouldn't say we hate you.
Yes, you would! You say it all the time! Well, I try and be nice about it.
Come with me.
We'll leave this island together right now.
Steve I love you.
I love feeling you inside me.
- Oh, gross! - Disgusting! - Christ Almighty! - Ugh! If you leave this island with them, you'll go to jail.
I don't want to go to jail.
I don't want to go to jail! - Hey, hey, hey, Steve.
- All right.
Steve, look at Look at me.
I trust you.
[Gasps.]
- Don't! - Hey.
Come on! Point the gun at me.
Why? Why am I pointing it at you? Because I know how you feel.
The Barracuda she makes you feel special, like she cares about you.
But she only cares about herself.
Steve.
This bitch doesn't know me.
No, but I know her kind.
My name wasn't always Karen.
It was Sister Mercy.
And I had a Father Daddy, and I worshiped the harvest.
- What? - Huh? - What? - What? I was in a cult.
Oh, that makes so much sense.
My Father Daddy told me I had no friends and no family, but it wasn't true! Steve, think about all that we've been through together.
We are your friends.
We are your family.
But I killed Turdhole.
Which is why you can never go home again.
Danny: Hold on.
Did you kill Turdhole? Or did you kill a Nazi? I-I killed Turdhole.
No, I don't think you did.
I think you saved us from Turdhole.
- Right, everybody? - Yeah.
We thank you.
The guy The guy was a bad guy.
I don't understand.
You're all gonna lie for me? Wouldn't have to lie.
It's like we've always said, you're a goddamn hero! We always say it.
Steve, you could start over.
I'd like that every much.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh! My friends and I are going home.
- Oh, my God! - That was cool! Whoo! [Cheering.]
Suck it, 'Cuda! Yeah! That was awesome! - We rocked this so hard.
- Whoo! I'm all jacked up right now! I think we should get married! - What? - Huh? What? You just proposed.
Are you being serious, Todd? Holy shit.
Ha.
Yeah, I'm being serious.
Jess you're kind of a loose cannon, but I love you.
[Chuckles.]
Will you marry me, like, for reals? Oh, my God! Yes! [Laughs.]
Yeah! God, I'm strong! So he smashes this log over my back, but I know the pit's right behind me, so I say, "Not today," and then I flip him over Sorry, man.
Hang on a second.
Wait, you're gonna miss the best part.
So, um, I Mmm.
Guys, are we really doing this? Are we actually going home? Feels like the end.
It is the end.
It's definitely the end! Yeah! [Cheering.]