Xena: Warrior Princess s06e03 Episode Script

Previously on Xena You're gonna love Amphipolis.
It's so full of life -Grandmother -Did you see her, Eve? She's trapped in this house.
Mephistopheles sent evil spirits to Cyrene's tavern -They burned her at the stake.
-Whoever kills me must take my place and reign over Hell.
I am at last made flesh! So be it.
-What happens now? -I don't know.
I've got a feeling it's not over yet.
Xena will never go down to Hell voluntarily.
When she opened up that portal and killed Mephistopheles, she became him.
You know the rules.
She belongs on that throne.
The last time Xena was in Hell -she almost captured Heaven.
-Well, we've gotta do something.
We can't just leave her on Earth with pure evil streaming out of that portal.
Aren't you two inspiring? Michael and Raphael Chief warrior angels of the chief himself quaking like a couple of frightened children You're very sure of yourself, aren't you? I'm sure of both my faith and my devotion which has fueled my speedy ascent up the hierarchy.
A climb that will continue with a promotion to Seraphim.
And how do you plan to achieve that? By throwing Xena down into Hell myself.
You realize Xena has the power to destroy angels.
She will use that power, unless I send her to Hell.
Very well Proceed.
He just may be the right one for the job.
He may be perfect.
A great evil is coming, Gabrielle.
I can feel it.
Maybe that's because you're standing near the portal to Hell.
Maybe But there's a reason it's remained open even after Mephistopheles' death.
It's waiting for something.
Yes, it is, Eve.
It wants your mother.
Who? Why are you here? To do what Eve knows in her heart must be done.
But since we're both on the same side I felt that she at least deserved the courtesy of a quick goodbye.
Xena Get away from my horse.
I was just being friendly.
I've heard that before.
I came to offer my services, Xena.
After everything you've done for the city and our people I'd like to help restore your mother's tavern.
Well, thanks.
Xena Xena, we've got a problem.
Let me guess It's huge and potentially devastating.
An angel Well, I'm more than an angel.
I'm an archangel destined to become a household name especially after I send Xena to Hell.
So it is huge and potentially devastating.
Goody As Eli's messenger, I tell you this is wrong.
What's wrong is your mother's selfish refusal to bow to the prophecy of Mephistopheles' throne.
Fortunately Heaven's got me on its side.
Now, if you'll excuse us we have a steaming portal to get to.
Stay out of this, Gabrielle.
I wish you no harm.
That's surprisingly decent coming from one so guilty of indecent exposure.
I expose nothing.
Except your abundant pride.
You're obviously not aware that this pride you accuse me of is a mortal sin.
One of the seven deadlies, in fact.
So I can understand you wanting to keep it quiet - being an angel and all.
-You twist my words.
No, I straighten them out.
And you should thank me because they're the last ones you're ever gonna speak.
Because I am a generous soul, I'm going to make sure that Gabrielle records your household name for all of posterity.
Lucifer My name's Lucifer.
Has a nice ring kinda like a death knell.
In the time of ancient gods, warlords and kings a land in turmoil cried out for a hero.
She was Xena.
A mighty princess forged in the heat of battle.
The power The passion The danger Her courage will change the world.
XENA, THE WARRIOR PRINCESS Mother, don't.
You can't murder a servant of God.
Was he serving God when he tried to send me to Hell? -No.
-Yes.
It's not always possible for mankind to understand or interpret God's will.
Well, well Seems you've got quite a dilemma here, Xena, 'cause you know if you don't kill me now, I'll try again.
Well, that's what I'm counting on.
You see, things have been a little dull around here since Mephistopheles lost his crown.
Come on, Luci I won't bite.
You don't mind if I call ya Luci, do ya? No.
Lucifer Lucironi Big "L".
Good trick.
Come on, let me buy ya a drink.
It's all right.
I know the owner.
What was that? A cancerous evil has taken root within her heart and is at this very moment destroying her soul.
As usual, you two are completely overreacting.
Overreacting? You don't get it.
Xena, this evil is seeping up through Hell.
It's coming through that portal straight to your heart.
You may not be descending to Mephistopheles' throne voluntarily but obviously it's coming up to claim its new queen.
You mean, its rightful ruler.
That would be you.
Not if I can find someone else to take my place Him.
You're gonna turn an archangel into the king of Hell? He's less of an angel than I am.
He just doesn't know it yet.
How do you plan on making him see the light? By showing him how much he's gonna love the dark.
Eli says "To corrupt another is to corrupt yourself.
" Eve Listen.
Fruit rots from the inside out.
It's not called corruption if you just peel away the layers to expose the rotten core.
That is, unless you want mommy to go to Hell.
Well, then Nice place you got here.
Well, that's the last time I let an evil demon do the redecorating.
Trust me The more you drink, the better it looks.
No one's that thirsty.
You'd be surprised.
Come on.
Come on, take a load off.
You know, I've travelled the world and I've never found a place with such tranquility.
Here's to worldy delights Oh, come on.
When on Earth.
You know, the world has many such pleasures to offer, Lucifer.
Which is why I'm not thinking of leaving it any time soon.
Despite what you and your friend Michael might have planned.
You mean, despite what you promised.
I never promised anything when I vanquished Mephistopheles.
But you were aware that came with certain obligations.
Even heroism comes with a price, Xena.
It also brings unexpected rewards just like it brought you to me.
You say that like it's a good thing.
It's not often that I meet an adversary whose other attributes equal his prowess with a sword.
Eli's love, it's reward enough in itself.
It blesses both the giver and the receiver.
It Sounds like a bunch of ox dung to me.
That's because we've been raised on this ignorant notion that riches and selfishness can fill the emptiness in our souls.
If that's true, then I say let's leave the enlightenment and the poverty -to the poets and the prophets.
-No.
You would say that, you stupid sow, the way you and that lazy husband of yours have been stealing from us for years.
Please! You don't even know what you are talking about.
I don't know what's wrong with them.
I do.
Gabrielle, there's a man here looking for you and Xena.
Have you ever asked yourself why the denizens of Heaven itself are denied the most heavenly pleasures? I don't ask questions, Xena.
I do as I'm commanded.
Well, I don't know why you're not Seraph yet.
I bet even on your worst days you're twice the angel those others are.
If only my superiors were as perceptive as you.
I do have an eye for talent.
And quick hands.
With these hands I can attain both pleasure and power for whomsoever I choose.
Let me use them to make you the envy of all the angels instead of you being the one who does all the envying.
You make an enticing offer.
Especially when you consider what an unappealing quality envy is in an angel.
You mean what a sinful quality, don't you? Well, if the truth hurts -let me make it better.
-How? Stay on Earth and I'll show you.
You can't imagine what it's like, Lucifer, to sample flesh in every form.
Despite what you may think, Xena, it's not the flesh that's appealing.
It's the spirit.
Because -that's where the power -That's where the power comes from.
I know.
Who are these travellers? I don't know, but they've been arriving in droves all day.
The group your friend Virgil is with were headed over to the armory.
What interest could Virgil have with weapons? You know men and their toys.
It doesn't sound like the Virgil I know.
Gabrielle, look.
Virgil? Oh, Virgil Hey! You look tastier than I remember.
Virgil? Will you help me? He's hurt.
Sure.
Anything for you, babe.
What are you doing, Virgil? He's following his heart just like all these other people.
What are you saying? The portal is a magnet.
It's drawing people here.
It's feeding their dark side.
It's creating a Hell on Earth, Gabrielle.
You and I have much in common.
Of course we do.
You're a mortal female with a lying tongue, savage tendencies and a blonde girlfriend.
I'm a celibate archangel, in the service of the Lord.
Ah, yes, but we're both sinners at heart, you and I, trying to walk a path that we weren't meant to.
Your reputation for wit is well deserved.
Me, a sinner? You hit two of the top seven in your first hour here.
What do you call that? Beginner's luck? Red is definitely your color.
You know, I see the same spirit burning in you.
If we put 'em together we could rule both Hell and Earth.
Why don't you start by taking me to Heaven? Gladly.
What are you doing? It's egyptian massage.
It's one of the world's greatest and most sensual pleasures.
It's not exactly what I had in mind but it'll do for now.
Virgil, I thought you were off writing poetry.
You've heard the old adage "Write what you know.
"? Well, it turns out that shearing sheep and shoeing horses provide a pretty shallow well from which to draw.
There's a difference between getting life experience and beating an innocent man.
No man is innocent or woman.
You don't believe that.
He can't know what he believes.
Not when his heart is lying to him.
No! It lied to me when it urged that forgive you for murdering my father.
-Now, is Xena here or not? -What do you want with her? Rumor has it that with the gods dead, she's about to take the reigns of power.
I was hoping that when I pledged my life to her mission I'd be doing it with you at my side.
Are you feeling any more relaxed? Ready for the next phase of my earthly education.
Well Lesson 1 Lose the dagger.
Especially when I know you don't really wanna send little Xena to Hell.
Ah, you doubt my resolve Oh, no.
Why don't you just kill me? Because wasted potential is the greatest sin of all.
I wanna be your salvation, Lucifer.
I want nothing from you.
Then how about everything? That's a gib word.
Oh, it's a big world.
That's what I'm offering.
This is a sign of my continued commitment to convert this temple and these people to your ways of love, Eli.
It is a humble reminder that I cannot do this alone.
What a long-winded way to ask for help -Let's hear your version.
-What for? I came for some peace and quiet in which to think Not ask for assistance.
You need Eli's assistance.
Although perhaps you're too far gone even for that.
Xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! xena! Xena! Xena! Xena! Let's party! Come on, ladies! I am all yours! Out of the way, Eve.
Mother Your purpose will not be served by subjecting this temple or this town to further desecration.
It's not desecration, Eve.
We're just throwing a farewell bash for our celestial guest assuming that he'll give us the pleasure.
The pleasure's all mine, Xena.
Because the farewell I'll be celebrating is yours.
You should listen to your mother, Eve.
She knows what she's doing.
I wouldn't be so sure, Gabrielle.
Not anymore.
Eve, sweetheart If you can't stand the heat then maybe you should get the Hell out of my kitchen! Or stay and put out the fire.
No one likes a party-pooper.
I've had enough.
Perhaps but it'll help us bridge a gap more quickly since we last so each other.
You mean it would make me drunk and loose.
No one understands my words better than you, Gabrielle.
Your friends seem to be enjoying themselves.
Almost as much as you seem to enjoy watching them.
I'm an angel, Xena.
That's what I do.
Well, there's nothing to keep you one forever, is there? Down here the greatest possession is free will.
Take your destiny in your hands, Lucifer.
Stay here.
Rule the world with me.
Or you can go back to Heaven, become a Seraphim, spend the rest of eternity taking orders.
Your choice.
You make me feel things, Xena.
A hunger It's called lust and the best thing is even when you've sated it, you can never be too full.
Then allow me to spend eternity trying to devour you.
Will I get another dagger in return? No.
You get to devour me.
Body and soul.
Fortunately, Lucifer, the soul of an archangel is not his to give away.
It belongs to his god.
Michael Since you, better than anyone know I have the power to kill angels I am very impressed you'd come to do your own dirty work.
You dare talk of dirty work when you besmirch so many souls with your nefarious filth.
Besmirch Is that even a real word? What does it matter? When these are real swords.
Michael, I never thought I would do this.
You won't.
Hey! You know I really hope that the main course is more satisfying than the appetizer.
Your little magic tricks won't get me into that portal, Raphael.
I know something that will.
Lucifer Come on, you're smarter than that.
This isn't a matter of intelligence, Xena.
-It's about devotion.
-To whom? -Your god? -Yes! The same god that denies pleasures to angels? But grants them to the lowliest creatures on Earth? The same pleasures that I would spend eternity showing you If you want redemption, Lucifer, now is the time.
I was their hero once too.
Look how they've repaid me.
Lucifer Lucifer I told you we'd make one hell of a team! Yes? I was kind of in the middle of something, Gabrielle.
Xena, you were supposed to throw him in the portal.
Yeah? Well, he wasn't ready.
Xena, no one is ready to go to Hell.
That's the point.
Really? Well, you and Virgil were lookin' ready to burn not long ago.
Yeah? So? Evil The dark side It's intoxicating, isn't it? Oh, yeah.
It's intoxicating.
Lucifer and I need time to work out the terms of our new partnership.
Partnership? With no one on the throne of Hell that portal is gonna burst wide open and the kingdoms of Earth and Hell are going to merge and She'll need more than a mere mortal to help her rule it.
Who are you callin' mere? How's your head? You need my help, Mother.
I'm the only one that sees what's happening.
You may have the gift of sight, Eve, but you should trust I have a vision.
As I feared, it's led you astray.
So what? You gonna illuminate the way back home? Hopefully before the light within is extinguished.
Where did I go wrong? You've gotten in mommy's way for the last time.
I hope you don't mind.
I asked them to ready the room for us.
Thank you, Aliyah.
It was a pleasure to serve you.
And now it'll be mine.
Not now, Lucifer.
-Don't tell me you've got a headache.
-Yes, and her name is Eve.
We won't have any peace until we've dealt with her.
Peace Peace is overrated.
It's passsion that makes one feel alive.
Passion is also unpredictable As I learned when you nearly joined Michael in feeding me to the flames.
Old habits die hard.
Right now, I'd do anything to make it up to you.
Even tell Michael and his god that the world is ours and they better stay the hell out of our way? What makes you think they'll listen? Oh, they'll listen when we kill their messenger.
Kill Eve? Eve? Eve! Eve! Eve! Eve? Eve, there's nothing to be afraid of, honey.
I just wanna talk to you.
She could 'a gone in any direction.
Eve? The sooner you stop running the sooner we can clear up this little misunderstanding.
I love the way you bait a trap.
You ain't seen nothin' yet.
What are you doing here? Just havin' an old chat with Eli about why he chose my father's murderer as his messenger.
Really? What'd he say? He said "Prayer won't help you now.
".
That's why I came for those.
I'm sorry, Eve.
I can't let you do that.
-Gabrielle, please.
-No, listen.
I can't let you discard all your beliefs because of a crisis.
My beliefs will die with me if I do not send my mother through that portal.
No.
Look The only thing left of my mother is our memory of her.
If you care anything about that, you will help me send her through that portal.
I'll help you.
I've got her! Nice run, Eve.
Made your mom proud.
She came for the swords.
My little pacifist? How enterprising and hypocritical.
Have you learned nothing from our time together? I've learned this and this.
And most importantly I've learned that the heart can betray.
But the sword never lies.
Great farewell speech.
Time to go.
Wait! If anyone deserves this historic opportunity is Gabrielle.
What? Gabrielle? She's been my partner for years.
She's shared things with me you can never understand.
What about our partnership? You can't expect me to trust someone so ripe for corruption.
Someone so quick to switch sides and someone who without even realizing it, has committed every deadly sin but one.
You tricked me! You tried to kill me.
What did you expect? I swear to you, Xena, I will spend eternity making sure you feel my wrath.
Wrath? Congratulations, Lucifer.
You just won the deadly sin lottery with a perfect score of seven out of seven.
First prize is a one-way ticket to Hell.
How dare you be so smug when men sin every day? That's what makes us human, Lucifer.
But in you, an archangel, to succumb to such temptation, that's what makes you a monster.
I'm still hot for you, Xena.
Only now I'm bigger, stronger and more powerful than ever! That doesn't begin to make up for the attributes you lost.
What? What have you done to me? Only what I suspect Michael wanted all along.
To put you in touch with your inner demon.
Your kingdom awaits! Come, Xena.
You belong to me.
The hell I do.
-Mother! -Eve You're back! Part of me never left.
I never should have doubted you.
After all you've seen and been through I can't blame you for thinking the dark side had won.
I just hope that one you'll believe as strongly as I do in the power of love to save lives.
Xena, you did more than save lives.
You Saved me from makin' the mistake of a lifetime.
Right.
Well, I guess I better go clean this mess up.
I'll help.
Thought I'd lost you for a minute there.
Yeah? Which minute was that? You and Lucifer were looking a little Gabrielle, every time I felt myself start to lose control just thought of you led me back home.
Really? Sure.
Don't go getting all emotional on me, Xena.