Xena: Warrior Princess s06e13 Episode Script

What?! Here?! Beowulf Gabrielle -It's good to see you.
-And you, Gabrielle.
Xena You're a long way from home.
What's goin' on, Beowulf? Last time you saw Gabrielle you were willing to walk through a column of fire to be at her side.
It was love-struck foolishness.
I like my bones the way they are, without the flesh seared from them.
Rest, slake your thirst.
We didn't come here to drink with you, Beowulf.
-I need to see Odin.
-You know where to find him.
-In Valhalla, but it's not easy to get there.
-For some! But you were a Valkyrie once, Xena.
You know the way to Valhalla.
Die a hero's death.
I'll escort you there myself! That's part of my long-range plan.
Right now, I just need to see Odin.
Odin doesn't need to see you.
In fact, we have orders to keep you away from him.
Well, I don't wanna make a sister Valkyrie look bad but you're gonna have trouble following those orders.
Think so? Ok, ok, are we rolling? Sund Check, check.
Testing, 1, 2, 3.
Mary had a little lamb.
Great.
All right Ok Come on, let's go.
Coming through.
Excuse me, excuse me.
This way, come on.
All right.
Get out! Here's Xena now.
I think we're just gonna go over and talk to her.
Excuse me, coming through.
Oh! Sorry, Valkyries.
Xena! Would you care to tell me why you've returned to the norselands at this time? You realize Odin has vowed to kill you should you return to Valhalla.
Would you care to comment on that threat? Xena? In the time of ancient gods, warlords and kings a land in turmoil cried out for a hero.
She was Xena.
A mighty princess forged in the heat of battle.
The power The passion The danger Her courage will change the world.
XENA, THE WARRIOR PRINCESS Xena, Warrior Princess.
To many, she's seen as a savior A protector of the downtrodden and the innocent.
Others, however, see her as nothing more than a butcher.
Her hands, stained with the blood of hundreds No, thousands of innocent people.
Which is it? Tonight we put that question to the legendary woman herself.
Hey -Hey! Watch where you put your hands.
-We're set.
Roll sound! Yeah, you watch where you put your hands, buddy! Xena! Welcome.
And also with us this evening Gabrielle, the Battling Bard of Poteidaea.
Xena's constant travelling companion and the chronicler of her deeds.
-Glad you could make it.
-Thank you.
-It's good to be here.
-Great.
Xena, first to you.
You don't have exactly the greatest reputation here among the norseman.
As a Valkyrie, you used Odin's runes to visit a reign of terror on the people of this land.
-Everyone's seen the tapestry.
-Well, that was a long time ago.
So why come back now? There's no love lost between you and Odin.
No, but that's just it.
That's exactly why Gabrielle and I have returned You betrayed Odin, didn't you? Turning his lover, if you will, FILE PHOTO - GRINHILDA Grinhilda, into a hideous monster.
Yeah, but Xena changed her back.
But not before the she-beast and her son Grindl sent many a viking warrior to Valhalla.
Is there a question in this somewhere? Xena Is it your intention to kill Odin and have yourself proclaimed a god in his place? -What? -Crazy.
-Do you deny that you stole the Rheingold -No.
and forged that into a ring which gave you the power of a god? I gave back the Rheingold.
You can ask the Rhein maidens.
And what about the olympian gods? You destroyed them also, didn't you? -Not all of them, no.
-Oh, see -They were trying to kill her daughter.
-Right.
A daughter who was following very successfully in her mother's bloody footsteps.
Now just a doggone minute.
Xena, do you still have the power to kill a god? I got the power to kill much lower forms of life than that.
What's the matter, Xena? Ucomfortable with the truth? The truth? You know what? You wouldn't know the truth if I grew fangs and bit you! Actually this interview is over.
Come on, Xena, why don't you just admit it? You've always lusted to have the power of a god.
And now you're here to kill Odin.
Isn't that right, Xena? You're here to kill Odin! I think that was good, I had her on the ropes.
THE RIVER STYX Xena's protestations of innocence aside, Odin, would do well to fear her considering the fate of many others who have crossed her in the past, and ended up here.
on the shores of the River Styx in Hades.
Nah I can't deny Xena's been good for my business.
CHARON, BOATMAN OF THE DEAD Wouldn't mind a vacation.
But, hey! It's better to be workin' than not workin', right? Of course it is.
What you're saying is that most of these passengers are here because of Xena.
Raw numbers? Nah.
She's a drop in the bucket.
But Xena has sent me some pretty heavy hitters.
Elainus of Mycenae, Velasca Mark Antony, Callisto You can even make a case for Caesar himself.
You see, these people do not lose their mortal coils without a fight! Hey! Sometime this eternity! Unlike this guy who's just been askin' for a one-way ticket to the underworld, if you ask me.
Because is this gonna take long? CALIGULA, FORMER EMPEROR OF ROME You know, because I've been waiting CALIGULA, FORMER EMPEROR OF ROME for this stupid barge forever.
That boatman? I've been bumped twice already.
Peon! Damned arrogant ass! Doesn't know who I am.
It'll only take a moment.
I wanted to ask you a few questions about Xena.
Xena? You just wanna ask me about Xena? Fine, I'll tell you.
She's a snake! A treacherous deceiver, like the rest of her sex.
Never turn your back on her.
She and that bard of hers Yeah, like we don't know what's goin' on there, huh? Yeah, and they want you to think that Xena fights for honor? And she doesn't? Look, I've spilled enough blood in my day to know why anyone does it.
It's the scent of it, taste, the thrill! Xena's no different! I'll show you.
Hey, you, there.
Who killed you? You did! Beggin' your pardon, I think you were drunk.
-You slit me open from here to -Ba, ba, ba! Come on, fancy pants! I thought you were in a hurry! Get your hands off of me.
I'm in the middle of an interview, you impudent cur! Yeah, yeah You may have been a big-shot on Earth but down here you're just dead.
Get used to it! -Come on.
-Xena's evil! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I was a god! A living god! And that bitch took me out.
There's one more thing I'd like to say.
At least Xena pays her fare.
Unlike another so-called superhero I know.
More like super-cheapskate.
That's right.
I'm talkin' about you, Hercules.
Hercules "I was a god! A living god! And that bitch took me out.
" ARTIST'S RENDERING VALHALLA Odin declined an interview for this story ARTIST'S RENDERING VALHALLA but a source within Valhalla did agree to speak with us on a condition of strict anonymity.
Welcome.
I understand that you're masking your identity in a magic cloak of invisibility.
ANONYMOUS SOURCE That is correct.
And that you understand, what Xena wants here.
Oh, I know, all right.
Apples.
-Excuse me, you said "apples"? -What are you, deaf? She wants the golden apples.
Ah, I understand.
The golden apples.
FILE FOOTAGE - GOLDEN APPLES Protected by Frigga, Odin's sister-in-law.
It is rumored that whoever eats the golden apples will become a god themselves.
That's right.
Xena wants to be a god Goddess Whatever.
Before we get into that you claim to have masked your identity in a magic cloak of invisibility.
But isn't it true that only Odin himself knows the mystic runes whereby he can make himself invisible? Damn it.
Look I don't mind if you know it's me.
I just want to appeal to all loyal norsemen to do whatever they can to stop Xena from getting into Valhalla and stealing the golden apples! Why does she wanna steal the golden apples? So she can become a god! Look She'll return Ares to Olympus ARES, GOD OF WAR who will in exchange make her his queen.
who will in exchange make her his queen.
But surely Ares and Xena have an adversarial history.
You buy that, do you? Huh? You would.
Did you ever stop and think why Xena didn't kill Ares when she had a chance? It's because she's got a thing for him! She's always had a thing for him! So, Xena's gonna be a god, or a goddess, or whatever.
Well, it's not gonna happen, you hear me, Xena? You stay away from Valhalla or you know what's gonna happen to you! You'll never be a god, Xena! It seems that we are witnessing an epic struggle here! On the one hand, Odin and his precious golden apples.
And on the other, Xena, seemingly determined to possess them for herself.
But why? Gabrielle! Gabrielle Can you tell me if there's a sexual relationship going on between Ares and Xena? What are you doing here?! Is Xena Ares' love slave? But there was one other person who could shed some light on the twisted, codependent relationship between the Warrior Princess and the god of war.
Go away.
-I said get lost! -There's definitely somebody in there.
I'm gonna keep trying.
Whaddya want? I'm busy.
Are you Ares, the former god of war? Who wants to know? We're here asking a few questions about Xena.
Why does she wanna steal the golden apples? I got nothin' to say about Xena.
Odin believes it's because she wants to restore you to Olympus.
That'd be damn nice.
As you can see, I haven't exactly got the hang of this whole mortal gig.
But let me make it straight.
Xena owes me nothing! According to Odin, you and she have cut a deal whereby she will reign by your side as your queen.
Xena's had plenty of opportunities to be my queen.
Frankly, the job doesn't interest her.
Have you spoken with Xena recently? Listen, buddy.
I wasn't the only god sent down from Olympus.
-Why are you buggin' me? -Are you saying that there are other gods -who survived Xena's attack? -Yo! Ares! Wait a minute.
Who's that? Can I? I think we should.
-Hey! -Come on! Hey! This is private property! Follow me.
Check it out.
All right Ya happy? You see what the god of war has come to? Well, have a good look.
-Laugh it up! -Ares, what's the commo? You What are you doing here? Xena I was right.
You and Ares are plotting together.
-Stay out of my business, Nigel.
-Xena, are you in love with Ares? All right, that's it! Get out! Get out! Get the hell out! Try and get You're animals! Scavengers! Get outta here! HEAVEN Do you think Odin has anything to fear from Xena? Let me put it this way If it were my tail feathers on the line I wouldn't trust Xena.
That's not a very charitable attitude coming from an angel.
ARCHANGEL MICHAEL Archangel.
Archangel Sorry.
Surely, as an archangel, you are a creature of light, ethereal and pure.
Isn't it your job to believe in the essential goodness of man? Please! We help mankind to strive to achieve goodness but we're not stupid.
Mankind has free will, and Xena She exercises hers with abandon.
Would you care to give us an example? She puts her own self-interest ahead of the greater good.
Did you know she risked unleashing Hell on Earth to protect her own daughter? But then surely she prevented that, by killing Mephistopheles on Earth.
And by doing that, she fated herself to take his place in Hell! Which she did not.
Get this She cast one of our own, archangel Lucifer, down into Hell to take her place.
-Xena corrupted an angel? -Archangel! And if she's capable of doing that Of seducing an archangel into assuming the throne of Hell, you tell me! Who wouldn't she be willing to screw over? Who, indeed? Hello.
I'm here, in Hell.
And I'm about to do what no other reporter has ever done before.
I'm going to interview Lucifer.
Excuse me, sir? Sir? Horned one? Is it true that you are the prince of darkness? What are you? Please, try not to avoid the question.
The public want the truth.
A portrait of the real demon behind the myth.
-The real demon? -Please, try not to cover anything up.
Cover anything up? I'm the devil, you idiot! I'm really bad.
I'm evil incarnate.
What do I have to cover up? Right, you have a point there.
What are you doing here anyway? Are you one of mine? No No, no, no, no, no.
Not at all.
I'm part of a journalistic invistigation.
An investigation of Xena.
Xena? You dare mention her name in my kingdom? So, you're not a fan of the Warrior Princess.
Let me ask you something.
Do I look like a guy who enjoys his present position? Do you think I asked for this gig? I used to be an archangel on the way up! And then she came along! So, you're confirming the reports that Xena, in order to avoid her own responsibilites in Hell, fooled an archangel into assumsing the throne of the underworld.
She'll defend herself saying my pride and ambition brought me down.
But I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her lies an deceit! Then you believe the word of Xena is not to be trusted She's a lying sack! I only wish I could get her down here.
Mete out some serious everlasting punishment.
Well That's not an impossible dream.
Given Xena's exploits on Earth I'm sure that she's bought herself a one-way ticket to Hell.
I wish.
With all her do-gooding I fear she's escaped my wrath.
In a sense, you're defending her character.
Which of course, is what Satan would do Try to defend one of his own demons on Earth.
Y'know, you're a real pain.
I can't wait to get you down here.
With respect, sir, that's not going to happen.
You see, I'm not a murdering warlord.
No, no, no.
I'm I'm an award-winning investigative journalist.
-I'm a member of the fifth estate! -Like I said.
I can't wait to get my claws into you.
And so we we conclude a rather disturbing interview with the prince of darkness.
There she is.
Follow me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me! Are you Eve? Do you wish to join our prayer circle? No, not today, thanks.
I'd like to ask you a couple of questions about your mother, Xena.
Whatever you wish to know my mother can answer for herself.
Excuse us.
It's just a few questions.
Is Xena trying to make herself into a god? There is only one god.
The god of Eli.
He teaches us to walk the path of love.
I see.
And does your mother walk the path of love? My mother respects our faith.
She would do nothing to offend it.
-Not even for Ares? -What about Ares? Well, Xena wants to restore him to Olympus.
She's cut a deal to rule with him at his side.
No.
The time of the many gods is passed.
Then why is Xena trying to steal the golden apples? And why is she shacked up with Ares? Did you know that? That's the same Ares that killed Eli while your mother stood by and did nothing.
You want to know about my mother? I will tell you about my mother! You little #@$%! If my mother is with Ares you can bet she's got a pretty #@$% good reason! Are you still jealous that Ares was obsessed with your mother the entire time he was sleeping with you? -You #@$% brat! -Hey, get off! Get off me! Stay the hell away from my mother! You stay the #@$% away from me, or I will kick your #$@%! Not the kind of words you'd expect to hear from Eve, the messenger of Eli.
Whatever happened to walking the path of light, Eve? #@$% off! You want your mother on Olympus, don't you? You wanna see the god of war put back on his throne so that you, and Xena and Ares can continue your bloody menage a trois! Tell me Tell me you got that.
You got that, didn't you? Did you get that? A shocking display from the messenger of Eli.
But not so shocking, perhaps, coming from the daughter of Xena.
For Xena provokes strong emotions among those who cross her path.
Feelings of intense fear and hatred among her enemies and equally intense feelings of loyalty among her friends.
And it is perhaps, this loyalty that brings the person sitting opposite me this evening into the studio.
Gabrielle Thank you talking with us.
Well, you're welcome.
But don't thank me.
GABRIELLE, XENA'S SIDEKICK I'm here to tell you that you're wrong about Xena.
-Wrong in what way? -In every way.
Xena You know, you make it sound like Ares and Xena have this conspiracy to try to rule the world.
-But they don't? -No, Xena wants to save the world.
That's why she needs the golden apples.
And I suppose that Ares wants to save the world also.
It's hard to explain.
He Well, maybe it's not so hard, Gabrielle.
Maybe it's quite simple.
Maybe it's not Xena's lust for war that drives her but Xena's lust for the god of war.
Xena doesn't lust after Ares.
Gabrielle, kindly direct your attention to the monitor.
So, they have history.
It doesn't mean anything.
Gabrielle, isn't it possible that you're confused by your own feelings for Xena? -By my feelings for Xena? -Come on, Gabrielle I know that Xena is more to you than just a friend.
Ok.
You're right.
She's She's my best friend.
What would you say, Gabrielle, if I told you that not too long ago I found your friend Xena in a tumbledown little loveshack at the edge of town in the arms of Ares? How do you feel about that, Gabrielle? -I don't know how I feel.
-Tell us all the truth.
You and Xena are lovers, aren't you? Or should I say, you were lovers until you were replace by Ares.
Gabrielle? I Gabrielle Are you in love with Xena? I don't love Xena.
Wait.
You mean you don't love Xena? -Hey! It's a closed set! -Closed set my #@$%! Get out of my way! Gabrielle Xena, I was just trying to stop him from telling lies about you.
-I know.
Let's go.
-No, no! Wait, wait! Xena Are you in love with Gabrielle? -Ya got some pair on ya, mister.
-Hey, I'm just doing my job.
And I'm just doin' mine.
If you've done your research, you'll know that I've just cut off the flow of blood to your brain.
You got 30 seconds to listen to what I have to say.
D'ya understand? Understand? You wanna know if I love Gabrielle Well, let me ask you a question Do you love anybody? Do you love your wife? Do you love your dog? Do you love yourself? Is there anyone in this world that you love with all your heart? No, there isn't, is there? Because you can't love.
None of us can.
The world has lost the greatest gift the gods ever gave us and I'm gonna get it back.
Now that's your story.
Y'hear me, Odin? I'm comin' for ya! -So what's the plan? -I'm goin' after Odin.
-Well, there's gotta be more to it than that.
-Why do you do that? -Do what? -Ask me to spell out the plan! You'd think after all these years, you could maybe join the dots yourself.
Well, why do I have to drag it out of you? You know, I wish I knew the pinch! I would force you to share your little plan with me.
No, no, no.
You can take the pinch off, but you're not allowed to put the pinch on.
Oh, I'm not allowed? Oh, that's right, I'm the sidekick! You go ahead, Xena.
I'll walk 10 paces behind you and your horse.
-You could walk beside my horse! -That's really big of you, Xena! Gabrielle, stop.
What's going on? This isn't us.
We're saying things that people who love each other wouldn't ever say.
Yeah.
We've gotta get love back into the world, Gabrielle, and fast.
Right.
So what's the plan? NORSE TAVERN A world without love.
A world where the skills of the delicious goddess no longer lift us to heights of almost intolerable pleasure.
Well, anything is possible.
But surely Surely the truth is Excuse me, excuse me, I'm trying to report here.
The truth is that both Xe Thank you.
that both Xena and Ares are plotting Thank you.
Both Xena and Ares are plotting to divert this reporter from getting to the truth.
So, we've decided Excuse me! Excuse me! That's it! Hands! Hands! Hands So we've decided to come to the one place where love is rarely in short supply.
Got a number? Did you take a number? -Excuse me.
Over here.
-Can't you count? -Excuse me.
-All right! All right! I know you're there! You go after him.
-Yeah.
-Thank you.
Hi, there.
I wonder if we might have a word.
Well, what'll it be tonight? We're running a special on a little number we call "Thor's Hammer" or for a bit extra, you can get "The ride of the Valkyries".
"The ride of the Valkyries", that sounds Well, business appears to be booming.
Well, look around! My boys know where to come to dock their longboats.
If you catch my drift.
So you would say, then that there has been no sudden shortage of love in the world.
-Oh, I didn't say that, now.
-You did say business was booming.
My business has never been about love.
If these boys were looking for love they'd be wooing their sweethearts or at home with their wives.
The less love I have to deal with, the fatter my purse.
Interesting.
Calling number 27! One "Thor's Hammer"! 'T'll make you feel like the god of thunder! -27? You! I got 27! -Ares, the former god of war No, I'm not.
Crap! We found Ares, the former god of war, half-naked and stinking of booze in a bordello.
I'm tryin' to get laid! I'm not a criminal! I'm following him now.
Excuse me, I'm CAVE As news of our investigation has spread we've been contacted by a source who claims to have some answers.
Halt.
Come no further.
The source -Who are you? -That's not important but what I have to tell you is.
You're following the wrong story.
What do you mean? Xena's trying to put a god back on Olympus, all right.
-But not the one you think.
-But which god? You'll have to find that out for yourself.
I'm in great danger.
If Odin discovers I have betrayed him All right.
Here's what I'll do I'll mention each god by name, and then I will count 5 seconds.
If within that period, you fail to respond I'll assume the answer is "yes".
Understand? -5 seconds? What? -Ok.
I'm counting.
Right Hades 3 hippopotamus, 4 Forget it! I don't have time for this.
Wait! If Ares and Xena aren't conspiring, what are they doing together? This isn't about Xena and Ares.
Xena will play whatever card she needs to to get what she desires.
-What if she desires to be a goddess? -Fool.
Xena doesn't wanna rule the world.
She wants to save it.
-How can you be so sure? -Because she saved me.
Wait! Where do I go from here? Follow the love.
Follow the love Follow the love A bizarre command in a world seemingly devoid of love.
Yet something has brought these desperate people to this place in the hope that here they will find whatever is missing in their lives.
They, too, are responding to the unspoken command to follow the love.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Can I get through here, please? Media here.
Media.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
-May I ask you a few questions? -I said, keep your mortal meathooks! Oh, my! What's this? That's Aphrodite.
Hello, there! Hey Get off! I'm here with Aphrodite, the former goddess of love.
Aphrodite, forgive me, but didn't you completely lose your mind after what happened with Caligula? Oh, yeah, I did.
But Xena pulled me out of my madness and gave me back my life.
If you can call this earthbound existence living.
Destined to grow, old and wrinkled and sagging.
Aphrodite, these people What are they all doing here? -Can you see this? -What? This line.
How can you not see it? My face looks like a roman road map! -Oh, well, I really can hardly even see it.
-You can see it! No.
No.
Aphrodite, these people What is it they want? Oh, well When I left Olympus, the world was full of my love but with me no longer there to replenish it, it's just faded away.
Squandered by those who failed to see how precious it was and spurned by others who thought they didn't need it.
And now, it's all gone.
Poof! Poof, indeed.
But how could we not have noticed? You mortals take love for granted! It slipped through your fingers so subtly no one even noticed it was gone.
Except for these few, who are still drawn to me from the last breath of love that still clings to me, but soon there won't even be that.
Aphrodite, is there nothing that you can do? As a mortal? No! My powers are tied to Olympus and there is no way for me to get back there.
Xena made sure of that! Xena -Gabrielle, where's Xena? -What are you doing here? Aphrodite -It's good to see you.
-Where's Xena? Will you get lost! Look Where is she? I've got to talk to her.
-You just missed her.
-She's gone in to face Odin alone.
Is she gonna kill him? Xena doesn't have the power to kill gods, not anymore.
But Odin can kill her.
We're here, before the walls of Valhalla.
Xena entered just minutes ago.
You can hear the sounds of an epic struggle, as Xena, possibly the greatest human warrior in the history of the world, battles with Odin, king of the norse gods.
Gabrielle, I have to say I'm glad to see you're still travelling with Xena.
I was afraid that with me away from Olympus, you two might not be so close.
No, we're we're partners.
Xena is attempting to wrestle the golden apples from Odin.
But the question still remains Should she succeed in getting these apples on whom will she bestow the gift of godhood? Wait.
Something Something appears to be happening inside Valhalla.
The day may be decided.
Down there! Hurry up! Xena! -Are you all right? -Couldn't be better! -Incredible.
You have beaten Odin.
-Don't rub his nose in it.
You know, you could have saved yourself a world of trouble if you just had'a coughed up the fruit in the first place.
My pain is almost over.
Eat! Then you can destroy me and your victory will be complete.
Get a move on! Xena! Xena? Xena! You're not gonna eat that apple, are you? Why ever not? Because you don't plan to install yourself as a goddess on Olympus.
No.
No, your plan is to bring love back into the world.
That apple is for Aphrodite, isn't it? Give this apple to Aphrodite and bring love back into the world That's a novel and very unselfish idea.
No, it's not something that the Xena you know would do.
Well, maybe before I was reporting on the wrong Xena, Xena.
Maybe.
And maybe not.
Ares Xena, Xena, no.
You can't send Ares back to Olympus.
Now he's telling me what I can't do.
I think I can.
It's juicy.
Oh, here it comes.
Oh, yeah.
All right! Yeah! I knew it.
You were in this for yourself all along! Of course she was, you moron! Who wouldn't wanna be a god? That's right.
Who wouldn't wanna be a god? Go ahead.
Take a bite.
It's good.
-Don't.
-Hey There's nothing for you here.
You know, the weasel had a good idea.
Become a goddess We could have some kicks.
Wouldn't want you to be alone on Olympus.
Xena, don't.
Aphrodite will keep you company.
Thank you, Xena.
-It really is good to see you again, Gabrielle.
-You've got that gleam in your eye, Beowulf.
Shall we leave these mortals to their business, Ares? Aphrodite gave you back the power to love.
Think about it, Xena.
Think of the possibilities.
Odin Keep these someplace safe.
I guess you know I'll never stop trying.
I'd expect nothing less.
Come on.
Let's go home.
Xena I've been preparing for your arrival for weeks.
How did you breach our defenses? -I cheated.
-What? I had a little help from a friend.
Grinhilda Xena saved me, you know.
GRINHILDA, VALKYRIE She changed me back from that horrible creature I'd become.
This would be the horrible creature that she turned you into in the first place.
That was a different Xena.
The dark, evil Xena.
But the real Xena restored my human form, and returned me to Valhalla.
And she asked me to unmake the legacy of bloodshed she herself had left for Odin's people.
When Ares was expelled from Olympus, that must have made your job a lot easier.
Why did Xena send him back? You know why? 'Cause Well, you can't have love without hate.
You can't have peace without violence, and you certainly can't have forgiveness without anger.
I knew I couldn't just send Aphrodite back to Olympus without Ares.
It would have thrown the whole world out of balance.
It is my people's lust for living that makes us who we are.
The two competing forces of their fierceness and their passion that defines us.
Xena knew that.
So I sent you after Aphrodite while I rounded up Ares.
Wait a minute.
You sent me after Aphrodite? "Follow the love.
" You're the mysterious voice in the cave? Xena wanted you out of her hair for a while.
She figured she might as well put you to work getting Aphrodite for her.
I have to go.
Odin's still pretty sore at me.
We're heartily sorry for our behavior.
It isn't in our teachings.
We wandered from the path of love.
But you're back on that path now.
Yes.
We're here to atone for our transgressions against you.
No That really isn't nece What are you doing? What are these? You may flagellate us for the sins that we committed against you.
-No.
That's all right.
-No, we insist.
No, really, you don't have to Do it! Do I think she did it because of how she feels about me? No.
I mean Don't get me wrong I mean, there were sparks.
I mean, you could see that, right? No She pretty much did it for the same reason she always does.
Redeeming herself for her evil past.
"Oh, I killed so many people! The pain, the pain" But my offer, it was genuine.
I mean, there is a place for her here.
It's not what it used to be, though.
Ok, chuckles, let's cut it! Ok? Outta here! Do not make me zap you! Gabrielle, Xena, I have only one more question left.
The question that Gabrielle has been avoiding all evening.
The question that has never, ever been answered.
Are you two lovers? -You're asking -That's right.
I'm asking Are you two lovers? -That's none 'a your beeswax, Nigel! -Ok, Xena, you know You just risked everything to bring love back into the world.
So what? I think you should answer the question.
-Oh, you do, do ya? -Yeah.
Wait, wait.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, a world exclusive.
For the first time anywhere Xena e Gabrielle reveal the true nature of their relationship.
Gabrielle Xena Are you two lovers? -You want the truth? -That's right, Xena.
We want the truth.
The whole world wants the truth! It's like this Technically What? What? PLEASE STAND BY It's dead? The battery? This is the world's greatest story and you're telling me the battery is dead? I don't believe this! Oh, man!