Young Dracula (2006) s01e06 Episode Script

(He chuckles) Ahhh - Rarrrgh! - Your dental floss, Master.
Renfield! Eeergh Just go to your hole! Thank you, Master.
An early night! Is that a toffee in your mouth? This? Just a very, very chewy cockroach.
How dare you bring confectionery into this house? What if my precious son, Vlad, should find them? It was your precious son who I stole them from in the first place.
He's got a whole stash in his bedroom.
Oh, he has, has he? Right.
Robin and I are going to have so much fun.
The point I was trying to make is that a sleepover isn't the most sensible idea you've ever had.
What about your father, Vlad? I know Dad may be an evil blood-sucking vampire, but he's actually pretty chilled out.
Vladimir! All right, hand over the sugar.
Sugar? What sugar? Vladimir.
- Come on, a few sweets won't hurt.
- Won't hurt? You're a vampire! How can you except to bite people if you don't have strong and healthy teeth? Dad, I don't want to bite people! You will one day.
Now hand over the sweets.
Or I'll book you in for a check-up with Renfield.
Renfield? Sorry, Dad.
What was I thinking? I'll never eat sweets again, I promise! Oh, phew! That was a narrow escape.
Why are you smiling? You've lost your sweets.
You don't grow up with the Prince of Darkness without picking up the odd trick or two.
He set light to my pyjamas! I'm not sure it's wise to eat quite so many sweets, master Vlad.
Oh, not you as well, Zoltan.
My teeth are fine.
Ow! So, Master Vlad.
A little toothache, eh? Well, we'll soon have that sorted.
Open wide.
(Drill whirs) Aaaaaaghhhh! It's all right.
You were having a nightmare.
- Morning! - Aargh! W-w-what do you want? Your father told me to fix the door.
But I could fix you as well! (Zoltan growls) Come on, up you get.
You'll be late! Aaaaaaaarrrrrrgh! - Morning! - Aarggh! Graham? What's happened? Dad, you're so gullible! It's my new horror make-up kit! Robin, I thought there'd been a murder! Don't worry, that could be arranged.
Is everything all right, Vlad? Mmm, absolutely.
Morning, Ingrid.
Happy birthday! I'm a Dracula.
I'm far too evil for birthdays.
So you won't want this card from your mother, then? Dad! - You garlic muncher! - Language, Ingrid.
- That was cruel, even for you.
- Oh, yes, I've still got it.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Ruler.
- Pencil.
- Pencil.
Scalpel.
- Scalpel? - Joke! It's not funny.
I need to find out what's wrong with my teeth.
Before our sleepover.
Well, this book of yours isn't helping.
That is, it wouldn't be anything to do with The Change, would it? The Change happens at the age of 16.
I've got three whole years until I start growing fangs.
Growing fangs? Wicked! What does it say? Nothing important.
"When a young vampire complains of dental discomfort, "he may be about to embark on The Change.
" Robin! "This occurs at the age of 16.
" "But can happen several years earlier.
" Do you know what this means? I'm turning into a vampire! Gotcha, you Transylvanian vermin! Congratulations, Jonno! You're now a Grade One vampire slayer.
Whatever, Dad.
So when are we going camping? Camping? You promised to take me once I'd got my Grade One.
- Did I? - Yes! Oh, right, well This weekend, I suppose.
(Bell rings) Wicked! Come on, let's get this lot cleared away! "Dork!" Ha ha ha! For the last time I am not a dork! Or an ork! Or a wok! - Aaaargghhhh! - Chill out.
It's just make-up.
Yeah, I knew that.
I was just humouring you.
- Waarrrgh! - Jonno.
(Class cheer and jeer) Quieten down before there's a class detention.
And, Branagh, wash that muck off your face.
- I can't believe you did that! - It was funny.
- Stupid, as well, with Van Helsing around.
- Sorry.
Look.
Maybe you should talk to your Dad about your teeth.
Tell him I'm going through The Change? You're crazy? - Won't he be pleased? - Pleased? He'll throw a party! - Wicked! Can I come? - No! It's not gonna be a party.
Surprise! Oh - How did you know? - Where's Ingrid? - Oh, you're having a party for Ingrid.
- She's only a pointless female, but Oh, Ingrid, darling! Happy birthday! Wow! - What, really? This is all for me? - You thought we'd forgotten! Renfield's been out shopping all week.
Oh, Dad! It's perfect! This is the best birthday ever.
I can't believe it.
- All right, what's going on? - Nothing's going on, my precious.
We just want you to look your best for your husband.
- I don't have a husband.
- You do now.
Renfield, introduce Adrianus! Unfortunately, Adrianus could not be with us today so he recorded this special message.
Hello, Ingrid.
Let me introduce you to my goats.
- We're not going.
- What do you mean "we're not going" ? I passed my Grade One exam.
Then you failed it when you made a big ninny of yourself in class.
I'll do the test again.
It wasn't exactly hard, was it? Oh, I see.
So Grade One is too easy? Well, let's see how you cope with Grade Three.
- Oooh, Grade Three! - Yeah, that's right, Jonno.
In at the deep end.
Let's see if you've got what it takes to be a real slayer.
So those were Fluffy and Iris, our goats.
And now this is the coffin we will one day share.
Along with the rest of my family, of course.
Yes, life is hard here in Trans-Siberia.
But we know good fortune has finally come our way, now that the beautiful daughter of Count Dracula has agreed to be my wife.
- This had better be a joke.
- I knew you'd be pleased.
I'll pack your bags! This is all your fault! - What did I do? - You were born! Look, you're not the only one with problems.
Ready, Jonno? Your first challenge.
- Come on, Jonno.
- I'm not eating worms! Don't be such a big girl's blouse! - Mmmmm.
- Eurgh! Mmmmm.
Dad! This is spaghetti! Got you! But you passed.
Well done, son.
- Can we go camping now? - Don't be ridiculous.
They don't give a Grade Three away just like that.
One challenge gone, two more to go.
So, you'll fly over tomorrow to collect her? Ha, ha, ha.
Splendid, splendid! Open up or I'll put garlic in your slippers! Ingrid? Oh, yes, she's very excited.
Hello? Hello? Ingrid, I am trying to talk to your husband! - He's not my husband! - No, but he will be.
- You just want to get rid of me! - Of course I do.
Then it'll just be me and Vladdy forever.
Well, I don't need Adrianus.
I've already got a boyfriend! Why the flaming torches didn't you tell me, silly girl? I must meet him immediately.
Tonight.
There's always been a bit of chemistry.
But now I'm Ingrid's boyfriend! Pretend boyfriend and for one night only! Aren't you forgetting something, Robin? Our sleepover! Well, the thing is Ingrid is very pretty.
- You're supposed to be my friend! - Vlad, don't be so selfish.
If I can't prove I've got a boyfriend, Dad will send me to Trans-Siberia! Oh, dear.
Send us a postcard when you get there.
Do what you have to, Robin.
I've got plenty of other friends.
Chloe, do you want to come to my sleepover? - I'd love to.
- You're aware of Vlad's fang issues? I'm sure it's just a bit of toothache, that's all.
Since when vampires are your special subject? Still, if you know what you're doing.
Ignore her, Vlad.
You're not going to bite me.
I hope not.
I wouldn't want to miss that.
What? Challenge Two is a test of nerve and bravery.
Can you retrieve all three bulbs of garlic without being bitten by the six-foot python? - Oooh, I'm so scared.
- You should be.
Yeah, right.
What you got in there? A bit of rope? Jonno! Steady! You'll aggravate Monty! One bulb.
Two bulbs! Three bulbs! Easy! Bats alive, Jonno! That was Wow! Well done! Yeah, like there's really a snake in that box.
Aaaargh! I could have been bitten! Well, what do you think the gloves were for? - Father, this is my boyfriend, Uri.
- So! This is the impudent upstart that wants to steal my daughter away from me? Who, me? I wouldn't dream of it.
Well, why are you wasting my time? Take no notice of him.
Uri's completely devoted to me.
Well, let's see whether he's quite so devoted when he's forced to endure Ordeal by Sunlight! Oh, I see! Ow! Oooo! Make it stop! - Only if you give up my daughter! - Never! I would rather shrivel into dust than renounce my love for Ingrid! Hmmm He's not even smoking.
You're quite the tough cookie.
Renfield.
Yes, Master.
Fetch the nun's breath! Oh, the nun's breath! Time for your third and final challenge.
A blood-sucking vampire is loose in the school.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to hunt him down and slay him dead.
Ready? Bring it on! So even the ordeal by feather duster cannot crush him.
Congratulations! You may kiss your prize.
- I shall tell Adrianus the good news.
- Oh, yes! Dad, where are you? I'm bored of this now.
There has to be another way to spend a Friday night.
No, no.
I'm afraid she already has a boyfriend.
I know, it's unbelievable, isn't it? You know, I think your Dad really likes me, Ingrid.
What are you still doing here? I've been asked to stay for dinner.
I'll be moving in soon! Listen, mongrel.
Here's the plan.
Tomorrow morning, I get an urgent call saying that you've been slain by an angry peasant mob.
You're killing me off? Yeah, Dad'll be gutted.
I'll be in mourning for years! - But what about us? - There is no us.
I wouldn't suck your neck if you were the last breather on earth! Get out before I vomit on you! Raaargh! - I love it when you growl like that! - Out! Dad? Gotcha! Oh, dear.
You just killed a dinner lady.
Shame, I was looking forward to camping.
- But, Dad, you promised.
- You lost, Jonno.
You'll never be a vampire slayer.
Good, I don't want to be a stupid slayer! I just want to go camping! Jonno! Jonno! Oh, just go to sleep.
You're not going to bite me.
OK.
Night, Chloe.
Night.
Jonno? I know you're here somewhere.
(Sobbing) Jonno? Jonno? Come on.
Talk to me.
I'm sorry, son.
I pushed you too far.
Waaaaaarrrrgh! Gotcha, Transylvanian vermin! Where are we going camping? Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh! What have you done to me? Congratulations, Master Vlad! - Your first bite! - No! - What am I going to do? - Excuse me, I'm the victim here! What happens to me now? Welcome to the family, Mistress Chloe.
Daddy! Daddy! It's Uri! He's dead! Of course he's dead.
He's a vampire, stupid.
No.
I mean he was slain on his way home this morning.
He stopped off in Paris for a bite to eat and he was set on by a crowd with garlic! - I can't believe it! - Well, I certainly can't.
He's been playing chess with me all morning.
- Morning, gorgeous! - What are you doing here? I couldn't leave you, Ingrid.
You're so special to me.
Wonderful.
Now you can really get to know one another, get married and leave the castle.
Forever.
Married? To him? I mean Great.
I think we should get betrothed right now! Betrothed? Yeah, you know.
Like engaged.
It's a traditional Transylvanian custom.
Well, all right then, yah! Let's do it! - Renfield! - Good luck, Uri! What do you mean? It's just a simple ceremony, right? Prepare the surgery! Chloe? What are you doing in Robin's bedroom? - Leave me alone.
I'm sleeping.
- In the middle of the day? - You'd better get used to it.
- Oh, no.
Not another Robin, please! Come on, Chloe, up you get.
Aaaargh! Your neck! Argh! Graham, pull yourself together! She's been at Robin's make-up, that's all.
Make-up? I should have guessed.
Ingrid! Where are you going? You're running away.
There's no choice.
I can't stay here and bite all my friends.
But you didn't bite me! It was Ingrid's idea of a joke.
Yeah, that's great, Chloe.
Say goodbye to Robin for me.
You've been the best friends I've ever had.
But I'm fine! You are.
I'm not.
I've still got a toothache, haven't I? And OK, this time I didn't bite you, but next time I could really mess up your life! Running away won't solve anything.
Chloe, I'm just a heartless vampire.
Aaaaaaaghhh! - Robin! - Help! - Are you coming or not? - Help me, please! Someone help! Help! Oh, Uri, my brave and special vampire.
- Maybe not so special, after all.
- An impostor! Ingrid, perhaps you should explain to your dad.
I certainly will.
He deceived us all, Father.
I'll leave you to punish him how you see fit.
Not so fast, you wretched girl! You think I don't know who's behind this charade? Pack your bags! You'll need something warm for Trans-Siberia! No! Ingrid's telling the truth.
I deceived her.
I see.
- Made fools of us all! - Help! Robin's my friend, remember? He brought shame on the family name.
You'll understand when you're a vampire.
I am a vampire.
I mean That is l think my fangs are coming through.
- Oh, please! - Oh, my son and heir! Open wide! He hasn't got his fangs! He's got toothache.
Ingrid! Don't ruin this precious moment.
No, she's right for once.
So what caused the toothache, then? Cavities! I warned you, boy! Renfield! Renfield! What? No! No! Noooooooo! Tell you what, this is the life, eh Jonno? Yeah, the life of a lunatic and his unfortunate son.
Thanks for stepping in and saving me, Vlad.
- No worries.
- Are your teeth OK now? Yeah.
Renfield's a pretty good dentist.
Make way for Ingrid's betrothal cake! Betrothal? Are we back on? You'll be back on the menu if you don't pipe down! Ingrid is betrothed to Adrianus.
She's preparing herself as we speak.
She really doesn't want to get married.
She has no choice! My word is final.
Master, the guest of honour is here.
Adrianus! - Dad! - Please, call me Count.
- And where is the lovely Ingrid? - Oh, she Aaaaaghhh! - Hi! - Eeurggggh! - Ingrid! - I am not marrying that! No, wait, look, look! That's what she really looks like! Errrghhhh! Curses! You ungrateful spawn! That's the last time I try to find you a husband! - Nice one, Ingrid! - I knew you wouldn't leave me.
Robin, two words.
Dream and on! See what I mean? Sheer chemistry.