Young Sheldon (2017) s03e03 Episode Script

An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom

Previously on Young Sheldon Dr.
Linkletter! Please meet my girlfriend, Connie Tucker.
Connie, did you grow up in Texas? - Took my first bath in a ten-gallon hat.
- Oh, my goodness.
You're as funny as you are beautiful.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were sweet-talking my date right in front of me.
Hello? Hi, Dr.
- It's Connie Tucker.
- Connie.
To what do I owe the pleasure? - I need a favor.
- Of course.
Should we discuss it over dinner? I'll take a rain check on that.
I was hoping that my grandson could join in your physics class until John is, uh back.
- From the mental hospital? - Yes.
The one he never told you he'd been in before? - Yes.
- A curious ethical choice on his part, if you ask me.
Can he take the class or not? Of course.
I never taught a child before.
Is he potty trained? Teachers have always been impressed by me.
All righty, then And my new college professor was no exception.
You'd think it was my once-in-a-generation intellect.
But it was more than that.
There was my wicked sense of humor explained by maximizing entropy.
Yes, Sheldon? Entropy.
It isn't what it used to be.
Plus, when things got heavy, I was always ready with a fun fact to lighten the mood.
Fun fact: Did you know that the ancient incas stored bureaucratic records on knotted strings called "quipu"? Q-U-I-P-U.
Whatever the reason, I was clearly his favorite student.
Connie What a treat it is to see you.
Look at him smile.
He couldn't get enough of me.
Uh, Sheldon, if you're interested, an old friend of mine is giving a lecture next week on the mathematics of robotic communication.
- Really? - Yes.
If your grandmother's willing to drive you, maybe we can all go.
- Make a night of it.
- Oh, we'll be there.
Uh-uh-uh, wait, we-we don't even know what night it is.
- Thursday.
- Oh.
Thursday might be a problem for me.
- Thursday's perfect for you.
- Wonderful.
You don't know that.
Yes, I do.
Mondays you have bowling, Tuesday's water aerobics, Wednesday, salsa dancing, Fridays, you bring me here.
Your Thursday was wide open, but not anymore.
- We'll see you then.
- Excellent.
Shall we plan on dinner beforehand? - Ooh - Just, hold on.
Can I speak to you for a moment? The grown-ups need to talk.
That wasn't made clear.
You're asking me out in front of my grandson so I can't say no.
You saw through that.
You think you're pretty smart.
Well, I do have two PhDs and a date with you on Thursday.
Uh, you order something from the Mountain View Candy Company? Oh, yeah.
The hell is it? A big old box of candy.
What's all this about candy? That robotics lecture's going to be eye-opening.
Get ready to forget everything you know about robot communication.
Moon Pie, I don't know if we're gonna go to this thing.
Why not? We've established that you're free, and I'm a child, so my schedule's wide open.
It's complicated.
Well, we're just sitting here, and we have to talk about something.
Can you just let this one go? I think we both know the answer to that question.
There are certain grown-up dynamics taking place here that you, you might not be aware of.
Well, I like quantum-chromodynamics and thermodynamics; perhaps I'll like grown-up dynamics.
Tell me.
I'm just saying that Dr.
Linkletter might be paying special attention to you so he can become better friends with me.
Why? You're just gonna have to trust me on this one.
Are you saying he doesn't really want me - at this lecture? - No, I'm just saying he really wants me at this lecture.
But that's illogical.
He knows you're in a relationship with Dr.
And now we're back to it's complicated, so drop it.
I'll try, but dropping things is not where I shine.
Hey? What you buying? - M&Ms? - Cool.
Peanut or plain? Am I in trouble? You are if you waste your money on that machine.
What? I'm selling the same stuff for half the price.
Oh, you got Abba-Zabas? Do I have Abba-Zabas.
Do you? Yeah.
Tam, I need help navigating a social situation.
I'm eating lunch with you.
You think I have the answer? Dr.
Linkletter invited me to a lecture on robotics, but my meemaw said he's only doing it to spend time with her.
Are you asking if men do sketchy things to get dates? - Yes.
- Well, then, I can help you.
Last week, I told Jessica Geiger I was an extra in Karate Kid Part II.
Did it work? Again, I'm having lunch with you.
Grant Linkletter.
This is Sheldon Cooper.
I'm speaking quietly because I'm calling from a library.
Hello, Sheldon.
Nice to hear from you.
Why are you whispering? Are you in a library? Good point.
How can I help you? My meemaw doesn't want to take me to the lecture because she thinks that you're just using me to spend time with her.
I see.
Well, you're an intelligent young man.
What do you think? I think she's wrong, and you invited me because you know I appreciate the subject matter.
Exactly right.
You're even smarter than I thought.
I knew it.
My meemaw couldn't be more wrong.
Shh! Oh, like you were reading a book anyway.
You sure you're only a freshman? 'Cause you got the sophisticated taste buds of a junior.
Hey, Veronica.
What was that about? Just conducting a little business.
When my sister sold stuff at school, she ended up in juvie.
Nothing like that.
- Just candy.
- Very entrepreneurial.
I'm impressed.
Impressed impressed impressed.
What can I say? I'm entrepreneurialistic.
Is that a word? I don't know.
But if you got a lot of money, you get to make stuff up.
All right, well, good luck.
Hey, you look like a Kit Kat man.
Good news.
You can take me to the lecture after all.
Why is that? - I told Dr.
Linkletter everything you - Stop.
- Come inside.
- Why? 'Cause there's kids in this neighborhood who don't need to hear the language I'm about to use.
What, exactly did you say - to Dr.
Linkletter? - I said Hello.
This is Sheldon Cooper.
I'm speaking quietly because I'm calling from the library.
- And he said - Get to the point.
He's not using me to spend time with you.
He said so.
You're wrong.
You had no business calling him, Sheldon.
You seem upset.
Are you embarrassed because you were wrong? - No.
- Are you sure? I would be.
I'm not wrong.
He's lying to you, Sheldon.
- Interesting.
I don't know who to believe.
- Really? You're gonna believe some guy you barely know over your own grandmother? Well, one of them said I'm really smart, and one of them's yelling at me right now.
We're done talking about this.
And I'm not taking you to that lecture! - But I really want to go.
- Too bad! You are incredibly selfish.
Excuse me? You just care about what you want.
You don't care about what I want.
You're selfish.
How come your eyes stopped blinking? Mom! - Meemaw swatted me on the bottom! - What? Why? I wanted something, and then she said no, and then I called her selfish, and then she went crazy! Let me call her.
Really? You don't want to thank her in person? - Pardon me? - Mm-hm? I'm interested in getting some jewelry.
Well, sure, what's the occasion? There's a young lady, and I'd like to get her something special.
Well, aren't you sweet? - I like to think so.
- So what are you looking for? A necklace, ankle bracelet, uh, earrings? Hmm tough to choose between her neck, ankles and ears.
They're all smokin' hot.
You were very rude to your grandmother.
Dad's rude to her all the time.
That is not the point.
Do you have anything to say for yourself? Yes.
I really wanted to go to this lecture, and I understand that I upset Meemaw very much.
So which one of you will be taking me? No one's taking you.
You're not going, Sheldon.
You two are even more selfish than Meemaw.
How long you grounded for? A month.
That sounds right.
Let me tell you the move: You mix a bag of these with a bag of these mm, heaven.
You just want me to buy two bags.
I just want you to be happy.
And now I'm happy.
- Veronica.
- Oh, hey.
Come here.
I got something for you.
Ooh, is it candy? No, but it is pretty sweet.
Georgie, what did you do? Just open it.
This looks expensive.
It was.
Check out the price tag.
$100? And that's without tax.
I can't accept this.
- B-But I bought it for you.
- Well, you shouldn't have.
I don't get you.
I went out of my way to buy you something nice and you don't even want it.
Georgie, it's too much.
I mean, you're not gonna impress me by throwing money around.
You sure? In "Material Girl," Madonna loves it.
The world had stopped making sense.
A grown-up had lied to me, my meemaw and I were at odds, I was in trouble with my parents.
I had to find a way to restore balance.
- I'm leaving.
- Okay, bye.
Before I go, I need to give this to you.
You're interrupting television.
What? I should be back later tonight, but in case I'm not, this envelope contains my whereabouts.
Do not open it unless you absolutely have to.
- That it? - Yes.
Okay, bye.
"I knew you were going to open this the moment I left.
To slow you down I've shrouded my destination in code.
" What a dork.
Am I correct that the bus to Dallas has a stop in Rusk? Yup.
I'd like to buy one ticket, please.
You need an adult to buy it.
Oh, I didn't know.
That's the rules.
I'm just trying to visit my friend in the hospital.
Not the regular kind of hospital, a psychiatric hospital.
He's actually a brilliant scientist in the field of theoretical physics.
John Sturgis, you may have heard of him.
Anyway, he's a great guy.
We're almost the same height And then he and my meemaw became a romantic item, not that there haven't been bumps in the road.
I actually helped them by writing up a relationship agreement.
I love drawing up contracts.
But I don't love drawing.
Anyway, he doesn't drive.
Maybe one day he'll take a bus and you'll get to meet him.
Anyway, even though I'm clearly her favorite grandchild, she swatted my bottom.
It didn't hurt that much physically, but emotionally, it stung like the dickens.
Here you go.
One ticket to Dallas with a stop in Rusk.
But that's against the rules.
I'm an adult, I bought it.
Ooh, a loophole.
Thank you.
I'd tell you all about the etymology of the word "loophole," but I have a bus to catch.
- Tarzan, I thought you were dead.
- I'm home.
Hey, baby, where's Sheldon? I don't know, he left.
He left? Where'd he go? He wouldn't tell me, but he wrote it in this weird letter.
- When did he leave? - An hour ago.
An hour?! I told him not to go.
- Anyone sitting here? - No.
Aren't you a little young to be traveling alone? Yes, but I'm quite a capable traveler.
I've memorized the entire bus schedule for the state of Texas.
- Ask me anything.
- No, thanks.
Okay, but if at any point you'd like to know what time the bus from Waco arrives in Houston, ask away.
4:15, except on Fridays when they make a local stop in Huntsville.
No wonder this seat was empty.
See you tomorrow.
"Before you get mad, this only cost me ten cents.
" I saw you smile.
Go away, Georgie.
You can eat it or wear it, it's up to you.
Dots and dashes Maybe it's Morse code.
Where is he? We think this is Morse code.
What does it say? Gee, I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know? You were in the Army.
Yeah, so? Can't do a push-up, either.
Well, that's a separate problem.
Okay, so how do we read it? I'd say ask Sheldon, but he left after I clearly said not to.
There must be a book on Morse code in here somewhere.
- Okay, where do we look? - I don't know.
- I know how to use the card catalog.
- Go, go! You're just useless, aren't you? Did you have tuna for lunch or do you just smell like that all the time? What? Did you have tuna for lunch or do you smell like I heard it.
I'm just wondering who raised you.
My mother and father, and I suppose my meemaw.
Well, they don't seem like they're doing a great job.
Tell me about it.
It's been quite the week.
I'm sure I'll regret this, but how so? Before I tell you the story, how much do you know about the mathematics of robotic communication? That's okay.
I'll put it into terms a bus lady can understand.
There's a wide range of protocols used for inter-robotic - Dot, dot, dot.
- Uh, "S.
" Got it.
- Dot.
- "E.
" - All right.
- Another dot, dot, dot.
- Uh, "S" again.
- Okay.
What do we have so far? "I am taking a bus.
Fun fact about buses" - You got to be kidding me.
Oh, Lord.
- Come on! So how old is this professor friend of yours? 73 and a half.
And why are you going to see him? Because everything made sense before he went away, and now no one's on my side.
So you think only a person in a mental hospital - can understand you? - Correct.
That's the first thing you've said that sounds right.
Does he really think these facts are fun? Not now.
I've got it.
He's headed to Rusk.
He's going to the hospital to see John.
- I'll call the police.
- Hurry! - Is Sheldon going to jail? - No! Damn it.
And then they grounded me.
Can you believe it? Yes.
But I didn't do anything wrong.
You did everything wrong.
You were nothing but rude and ungrateful.
You really think so? The only selfish person in that story is you.
There's a Star Trek episode called "The Devil in the Dark" where the miners thought the Horta was the monster, but actually the miners were the monsters because they were killing its eggs.
Are you saying it's like that? Sure.
State troopers.
I wonder what they want.
It turns out they wanted me.
Fun fact, this was one of seven times I was brought home by law enforcement once, on the back of a horse.
They're coming.
A kind stranger on a bus helped me see how I hurt my family and that I owed them the best apology I knew how to give.
No, don't fire! - Kill it! - First man that fires is dead.
That thing has killed 50 of my men.
You've killed thousands of her children.
What? Those round silicon nodules that you've been collecting and destroying? They're her eggs.
Tell them, Mr.
There have been many generations of Horta on this planet I think you all understand why I wanted to show you this.
It's an apology.
I was the miners, you were the Horta.
How about just saying, "I'm sorry"? Wow, you're really not getting this.
Let's watch it again.
the eggs live.